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《辛普森家庭》

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{\an8}全體顧客請注意

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{\an8}母親的愛永無止盡

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{\an8}但母愛老鼠藥的特價只到今天

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{\an8}媽媽,我剛剛在窗邊等妳回家

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{\an8}我能拿裝牛奶的那一袋嗎?

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{\an8}我很強壯

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{\an8}我畫了妳

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{\an8}沒錯

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{\an8}她用布丁畫的

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{\an8}真漂亮

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{\an8}但我們應該清理乾淨

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{\an8}不要

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{\an8}- 不,不行
- 好...好

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{\an8}- 不要殺掉布丁媽媽
- 布丁媽媽能留下來

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{\an8}妳真該看看
我吃掉一部分番茄醬爸爸的時候

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{\an8}- 不行
- 看看我買了什麼

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{\an8}我愛妳,好愛好愛

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{\an8}我們來吹泡泡吧

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{\an8}這一刻真完美

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{\an8}美枝,怎麼了?

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{\an8}這一切...很快就會消失

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{\an8}妳不要這樣

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{\an8}妳說什麼?

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{\an8}霸子

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{\an8}我在飛

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{\an8}霸子,霸子

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{\an8}發生...發生什麼事了?

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{\an8}不

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糟糕

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他爆炸了

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不,不要,別告我,德古拉

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妳剛剛說了什麼嗎?

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我夢到我們以前和孩子玩泡泡的時候

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但我好難過

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為什麼難過?

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因為我知道那一切終將結束

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我懂

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所以我每次吃六吋潛艇三明治
吃到最後一吋時都會百感交集

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親愛的,妳盜汗耶

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是肥皂水

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親愛的,妳氣色好差

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我是說,我覺得妳很美

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但別人...例如說醫生...也許會擔心

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妳臉色發白,身體忽冷忽熱

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為什麼昨晚要吃週二奧佛萊漢餐廳?

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我喝了三杯玫瑰葡萄酒冰沙

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還有兩杯血腥瑪麗果昔

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我們醉到不行

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然後在那間感覺有問題的街頭攤販
買了熱狗卷

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但熱狗卷好香

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還裹著培根,在輪圈蓋上滋滋作響

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荷馬,不要聽

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我們必須維持...

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浪漫的情調

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我真納悶為什麼你沒有不舒服

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臨床上的說法是「我都吐掉了」

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我們應該打給希伯特醫生嗎?

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不用...不用,我現在沒事

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全部吐乾淨了

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我好多了

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明天要舉辦彈跳馬拉松

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妳應該沒辦法參加

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我明早會打給學校

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我得去

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我在家長會烈士網上申請了三個志工工作

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該死的家長會烈士網

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他在哪?

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躲貓貓

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他在哪?

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我心愛的小寶貝在哪?

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霸子,你在哪?

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不要放開我

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(歡迎來到幼稚園)

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沒事的

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你的外套

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霸子?

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誰能來幫幫我嗎?

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我兒子不見了

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霸子

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糟糕

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我就快在網球比賽上打贏突變蒼蠅

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妳想幹嘛?

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我找不到我兒子

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妳知道妳在作夢吧?

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啤酒

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這樣一切就說得通了

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對,在現實中,我不擅長吹迪吉里杜管

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這是你知道自己在作夢的那種夢嗎?

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有個專有名詞

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有人告訴過我

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{\an8}是我告訴妳的

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{\an8}沒錯

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我是妳內心的花枝

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我記得花枝對妳說過的每一句話
一字不漏

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(拼字蜜蜂比賽)

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真的嗎?

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妳能告訴我
花枝說這種自知在作夢的夢是什麼嗎?

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{\an8}可以,這是一種
稱作「清新夢」的科學概念

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{\an8}這是某一個國家的睡眠醫生創造的

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{\an8}天啊,她和成人謝爾頓一樣聰明

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{\an8}因為這是妳的「清新夢」,妳能掌控一切

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{\an8}所以是我讓荷馬變成水獺的嗎?

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{\an8}對,他會以不同形態在妳的夢裡出現

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{\an8}爸變成水獺是因為他昨天

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{\an8}躺在兒童泳池裡
吃著放在肚子上的玉米片

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這是我隨身攜帶的桌子

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有時候他是小丑

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有時候是馬鈴薯,有時候是小丑馬鈴薯

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有時他一人分飾房產兄弟兩人

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為什麼我會變成他們?

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不重要,我知道就好

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但為什麼我會作和霸子有關的惡夢?

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發生過什麼事嗎?

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我要怎麼看最近的記憶?

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這是妳的「清新夢」,妳自己決定

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我可以決定昨天全部的記憶

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都儲存在...我不知道...烤箱裡嗎?

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當然,有何不可?

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{\an8}(《朝代》那個人還活著嗎?
霸子大吼)

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{\an8}就是這個

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媽,快過來

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{\an8}(急救箱)

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{\an8}- 我來了,霸子,怎麼了?
- 被木屑刺到

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{\an8}- 就這樣嗎?
- 稍微流血了

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也許沒有

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你的手何時長這麼大?

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都比我的手大了

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不知道耶,也許我有超怪大手手

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幫我用鑷子夾起來

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看來我們已經好久沒牽手了

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夾到了嗎?

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謝囉

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難怪妳會作惡夢

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霸子超沒禮貌、全身帶刺

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也許吧

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說不定只是因為車輪蓋熱狗卷讓我不舒服

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我怎麼會吃那種東西?

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感覺不像我清醒時會做的事

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幾杯酒精冰沙下肚後
就會覺得自己無所不能

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我提議要和泊車小弟比腕力

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但他其實只是一個標語牌

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我怎麼會平日晚上
在普通的連鎖晚餐餐廳喝酒精冰沙?

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不知道,我們和霸子的老師面談後

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妳就說妳需要喝一杯

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{\an8}(和霸子的老師面談)

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聽我們說,不管霸子闖了什麼禍

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我們都會付錢找人清理、替換
或讓同學去諮商...

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霸子沒有闖禍

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我和所有家長面談,就連正常的孩子都是

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霸子很正常

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我是說,我們不用「正常」這個詞了

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我的意思是我見過所有家長

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你們不特別

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我是說,你們很特別,但是...

156
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妳想討論什麼?

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你們應該知道,彈跳馬拉松就代表

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這一年即將結束

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我們能趁機好好談一談升小五的事

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這是小學的最後一年
然後就要上中學,然後...

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中學?

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然後一切都會改變

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女生、青春痘、毒品、體臭

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聽著,我帶過許多五年級生

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拜託幫你們家五年級生買止汗劑

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有香味那種,不要買「天然無味」

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雖然他們看起來像小孩
但聞起來就像緊張的計程車司機

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重點是,不要驚慌

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好,為什麼要驚慌?

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有些家長可能會想

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「慘了,我孩子的童年即將結束」

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但不會因為霸子升小五
他的童年就結束了吧?

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嚴格說來沒錯,這是他童年的最後一年

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妳知道霸子發生什麼事了嗎?

175
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是即將發生的事

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他要長大了

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臭小鬼

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那個夢好奇怪

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霸子四歲,天真可愛

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我差點就忘了有一段時期

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霸子很討人喜歡,花枝很難搞

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平心而論,我才十八個月大

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現在就經歷難搞的兩歲時期
已經算進展飛快了

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該死,我還在作夢

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彈跳馬拉松

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{\an8}(彈跳馬拉松)
(花枝、米爾豪斯、B)

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我也要去

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- 萬歲
- 妳不是不舒服嗎?

189
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我以為我聽到妳嘔吐的聲音

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{\an8}不,那不是嘔吐聲

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{\an8}只是很大聲又濕黏的打嗝聲...

192
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我報名要做點心,我必須做棉花糖米餅...

193
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我行的

194
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只要先讓人造奶油融化...

195
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別擔心,超級老爸正在做棉花糖米餅

196
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你用了什麼脆片?

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米穀片還是可可穀片?

198
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我用了自創做法

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我們在講話的同時,我正在爆米餅

200
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有燒焦的味道

201
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別擔心
我用最後一點點的蛋奶酒讓它變濕潤

202
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(蛋奶酒)

203
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我吐出好幾年前吃的東西

204
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我好像看到了婚禮蛋糕

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妳真的應該待在家裡

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你也許說得對

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這是我第一次錯過彈跳馬拉松

208
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錯過最棒了

209
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我在做事的時候

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都會害怕我會錯過能錯過的機會

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00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,711
就是恐懼錯失恐懼症

212
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,255
荷馬,聽著,你得幫我做一件事

213
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:53,884
幫每一個孩子拍一張在終點線比讚的照片

214
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,636
{\an8}要放進我的剪貼簿

215
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,556
我已經做了每年的照片欄

216
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,310
霸子,經過爸爸時,比讚慢慢移動

217
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,811
給他一點時間對焦

218
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:09,859
媽,這件事難以啟齒
我想我還是明說就好

219
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,737
學校的人都知道我會拍

220
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,739
前衛、有別常規的搞笑照片

221
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:15,823
是真的

222
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,409
五年級生都這麼說

223
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,828
你想說什麼?

224
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:23,831
我不可能在彈跳馬拉松上比讚

225
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:24,915
什麼?

226
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,918
這會毀了我從拍照日建立的品牌

227
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:32,131
我的粉絲期望我能把眼皮外翻
用膠帶黏成豬鼻子

228
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,175
妳不明白我所承受的壓力

229
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:39,263
但這是為了彈跳馬拉松相簿拍的
這樣你才會永遠記得

230
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:45,269
但我根本不喜歡彈跳馬拉松
我在嘲笑彈跳馬拉松

231
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,687
{\an8}什麼?

232
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:51,108
小孩都不喜歡彈跳馬拉松,這不太酷

233
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,194
你們去年明明覺得很酷

234
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,112
(彈跳馬拉松超酷)
(比讚力量,我愛彈跳)

235
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,908
霸子,拜託比一個讚就好

236
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:03,954
抱歉,但不行,現在我的招牌是瘋狂照片

237
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:07,375
妳應該尊重我今年就是這樣

238
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:11,045
霸子,你講話好成熟,好像大人

239
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,048
好討厭

240
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,974
快逃,有東西過來了

241
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:27,395
(荷馬)

242
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,897
太蠢了,我不需要象徵主義的夢

243
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,900
我知道我害怕什麼,絕對不是熊

244
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:33,984
抱歉

245
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,951
這不是惡夢,是現實,霸子快長大了

246
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,663
我應該珍惜他每次牽我手的時候

247
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,833
因為我不記得他何時不再牽我的手

248
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,961
詩人哈利勒紀伯倫曾說過

249
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:57,591
「家長就像弓...弓箭的弓...

250
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:02,304
他們會把孩子像箭一樣射出去」

251
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:07,935
弓看到箭飛速地射向目標時不會感到難過

252
00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:10,980
這把弓有點難過

253
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,690
弓不希望兩人不再交談...

254
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,066
(給霸子)
(我愛你,我好想你)

255
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,485
箭也不太愛回訊息

256
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:17,403
(好喔)

257
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:21,615
但就算霸子長大,妳還有花枝和瑪格

258
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:27,413
天啊,花枝和瑪格,她們也會這樣

259
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,497
糟糕

260
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,792
霸子只是開始

261
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,756
一個接著一個...

262
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,177
我的三個寶貝都會離巢

263
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,431
我會失去他們

264
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:58,652
親愛的,妳不要傷了妳的大腦

265
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:02,656
還記得廣告是怎麼呈現憂鬱症的嗎?

266
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:07,036
不管走到哪,都有烏雲跟著妳
或陷入沙發裡

267
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,831
情況危及時,妳的發條猴子就不會再打鈸

268
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,710
你看,快看,霸子在遊樂場玩

269
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:18,380
霸子,霸子,這裡有你最愛的彈簧搖搖鴨

270
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,883
那個鴨子,霸子,去騎

271
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,676
霸子

272
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:27,681
不

273
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,187
好吧,也許我真的有點負面

274
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,528
好,我們來腦力激盪一下

275
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:44,782
我的媽媽身分終究會結束

276
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:48,536
到時我就得用愚蠢的興趣塞滿每一天

277
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,539
我不想要在二手拍賣平臺上賣東西

278
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:56,085
現在又還沒發生,現在就難過也太蠢了

279
00:13:56,085 --> 00:14:00,673
就像準時上班一樣,根本沒意義

280
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,841
我要讓妳看個東西

281
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,262
(我也要去)

282
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,101
我也要去

283
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,310
- 萬歲
- 妳不是不舒服嗎?

284
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,562
我以為我聽到妳嘔吐的聲音

285
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,188
在這裡暫停

286
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:21,110
現在再看一次,但這次看這邊

287
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,239
我也要去

288
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:31,954
萬歲,媽媽要去,沒錯
我媽媽要來,讚啦

289
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,748
她在練習比讚

290
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,295
我因為霸子不再喜歡彈跳馬拉松而難過

291
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,840
卻沒看到我可愛的花枝還是很喜歡

292
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,427
現在而已,她明年說不定也會討厭

293
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:49,388
女士,我要請妳離開黑暗處

294
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:53,893
沒錯,彈跳馬拉松對花枝來說
還是意義非凡

295
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,187
你是哪位?算是我的情感警察嗎?

296
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:01,609
不是,我很肯定我之所以在這裡
是因為妳喜歡我

297
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:06,280
制服、重心很低、渾厚多情的嗓音

298
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:10,075
沒有喔,就算有,我喜歡的也是艾迪

299
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,578
好吧,他確實很帥

300
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:16,957
我真喜歡花枝知道我要到場時手舞足蹈

301
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,168
我應該為了她去

302
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:23,714
我必須趕在花枝的童年快速流逝前
趕去彈跳馬拉松

303
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,466
我該怎麼叫醒自己?

304
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,301
這樣應該就行了

305
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,351
好,氣色很好,身體無礙

306
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,482
現在更棒了

307
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,902
我會到的,花枝,我不會錯過

308
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:49,615
或來自喬伊美乃滋三明治乳品廠的
醃蛋三明治

309
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,743
讓您感受到美乃滋的濃郁款待...

310
00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:02,586
好,我弄髒了車子
但媽媽還是會去,花枝

311
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,422
好,出發了

312
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,970
我必須註冊,好吧,使用者名稱?

313
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,721
彈跳媽

314
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,098
已有人使用,好吧

315
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:18,060
嘔吐媽,已有人使用,認真嗎?

316
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:22,189
歐吐媽,什麼?拜託喔

317
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,693
美枝,成功了

318
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,913
(春田小學)

319
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,624
(彈跳馬拉松就在今天)

320
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:41,792
我來了,花枝

321
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,752
{\an8}(彈跳馬拉松)

322
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:49,383
我承諾過如果30天沒有頭蝨案例
我就為彈跳馬拉松戴這個滑稽的假髮

323
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:54,013
已經撐了29天,但我就當今天不會出事

324
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:58,058
「現在在彈跳賽道上的是二年級選手」

325
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,019
那是花枝的年級

326
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:07,192
不好意思,借過,讓我過去
我要幫我的孩子加油

327
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:12,406
好喔,妳猜怎麼著?藍髮公主
我們都要幫我們的孩子加油

328
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,117
就算妳不喜歡,也得待在後排

329
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,203
我很抱歉,我真的病得很重,我...

330
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,539
生病?什麼病?

331
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:25,711
不知道,可能是...我不知道,水痘或瘟疫

332
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,132
(終點線)

333
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:35,888
糟糕,是食物的味道
沒關係,我閉氣就好

334
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,474
(雪花冰沙)
(吉拿棒)

335
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,976
(夏日壽司)

336
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,977
你想買什麼?

337
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,146
{\an8}(培根熱狗卷)

338
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:46,648
一定要拍到照

339
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,031
辛普森太太?

340
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,825
(彈跳馬拉松)
(醫護站)

341
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,243
我...我有拍到照片嗎?

342
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,500
我昏倒後才拍照?

343
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:08,170
對,我們還得撬出妳手中的手機

344
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,090
自從我們面談後,我整個人一團亂

345
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,259
妳說霸子的童年已經結束

346
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:18,013
我沒有這麼說,我絕對不會這麼說

347
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,682
霸子的童年沒有結束

348
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:25,771
不過我確實有注意到我提到中學後
妳變得很安靜

349
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,648
妳什麼都沒說

350
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,859
只問了週二奧佛萊漢餐廳的歡樂暢飲時間

351
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:36,198
等等,妳沒提到
他會迎向女生、毒品和青春痘嗎?

352
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,867
沒有,完全沒有

353
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,869
天啊,那是作夢

354
00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:44,248
我早該注意到了,因為妳變得超巨大

355
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,126
我昨晚吃壞了肚子

356
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,629
妳也沒說明年要幫霸子買止汗劑吧

357
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:54,049
不...不,我確實有說,這點很重要

358
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,760
強效止汗劑

359
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,347
聽著,霸子的童年還很長

360
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:05,060
他在辨識左右的測試中
百分位數排在第50名

361
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:09,064
我不該在學校活動中大聲講出測驗分數

362
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:11,859
妳不會有事吧?

363
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:17,865
對,我要待在這裡
直到學校不再天旋地轉

364
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,161
感覺好多了嗎?

365
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:28,542
我沒拍到照,但花枝今天很高興能看到我

366
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,711
現在我很開心

367
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,713
誰知道未來會如何?

368
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,756
霸子也許會搞大高中女友的肚子

369
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,968
妳在瑪格上幼稚園之前就能當祖母

370
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,678
這樣不就太好了嗎?

371
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:45,809
該起床了

372
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,858
他快到了

373
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,862
我的搞笑小鬼頭

374
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,707
真的很棒

375
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,337
有拍到嗎?我的屁縫有在正中間嗎?

376
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:16,089
霸子,照片很完美

377
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,674
妳喜歡嗎?

378
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,676
我超愛的

379
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:24,097
謝謝,要去丟球落水池嗎?
我討厭的體育老師坐在椅子上

380
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:25,182
好啊

381
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,813
讓那個蠢蛋摔進水裡吧

382
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:35,901
(丟球落水池)

383
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,987
回家的路上,我們去買止汗劑吧

384
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,037
字幕翻譯:劉晏汝