♪ The Simpsons ♪
[squawks]
[Lenny] Nice car.
What are the odds?
[engine revs]
[goat bleats]
["Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" plays]
Hey! Move it or lose it.
[tires screech]
[door creaks]
[grunts]
There's no food left, and the dog got sprayed by a skunk.
[snores] D'oh! Stupid imagination.
Oh, why do we have to meet the new neighbors now?
It's the NFL preseason.
The starters will be playing for the whole first quarter.
We have to meet the new neighbors before they hear about us from the old neighbors.
Hey, I have friends in this neighborhood.
There's the guy whose lawn I use as a shortcut,
the guy whose mailbox crashed into our car and Mrs. Bad Halloween Candy.
If my candy is so bad, why you take so much of it?
Look, the people who know us are a lost cause,
but these new people don't know us.
So it is really important to me to make a good impression.
Oh, don't worry, Mom. My butt is clean and ready to be seen.
[gasps]
Anne Blackburn. Charmed.
- Oh. - You're not upset?
No. I'm Thayer.
So happy to leave the city and be around real people.
- [laughs] - Gar!
Ah, yes.
I'm Marge, and this is Homer.
It's been so long since I made a basket for people moving in.
Love this town. Can't believe it has three Lard Lad locations.
Um. One of those is police only, so back off, pal.
So what do you do?
Something that makes me look like a nothing, I bet.
[chuckles] I own a sports car dealership in North Springfield.
Hey, drop by anytime.
[Homer] I just had a fantasy about this car.
And Dick Van Dyke.
Well, my friend, perhaps I could set you up with something.
Those cars are expensive, and we're still paying off my new spatula.
Look, most people don't buy. I don't care.
Just pop in for a look. Stretch out. Chug a smartwater in the front seat on us.
Can I get a test-drive in front of everyone I went to high school with?
Of course.
Whoa. That's quite a grip.
See, Marge? Strangling the boy has paid off.
Just kidding. I don't do that anymore. Times have changed.
Hey, do you play pickleball?
Is that the game like tennis, but you don't have to run?
Well, you do have to move a little.
- Then, no. - Aw. That's too bad.
Because where I play, there's this great ice cream place across the--
- I'm in. - Saturday at 2:00. I will drive.
And while the boys are hanging out, Marge, how about a massage?
Sure. But I have to warn you, my fingers aren't that strong.
No, no. We get massages while we chat through the face holes.
My treat.
Listen, pal.
If you're moving into this neighborhood,
there is one thing I've got to warn you about.
Howdily-doodily. I brought Bibles for the new arrivals.
Who's that stupid guy?
Exactly.
If you're being bullied, just know it will get better.
It will get better.
And when you're older, get rich and wedgie their egos.
[laughs]
[clapping]
Nobody tries to bully me into not bullying.
[grunts]
Ow. I was just trying to give you a high five.
Nerd.
Professor, you've taught me a very important lesson.
Adults can be nerds too.
Nerd.
I'm telling.
[groans] Too late.
Good one, Nelson.
Don't tell me what's good.
[grunts]
Don't worry, Milhouse. That assembly taught me just what to do.
Nelson, I understand that you're struggling too.
That's right. I am struggling with your lack of fountain rides.
- [grunts] - [groans]
[singsongy] You wet your pants.
[singsongy] Bart wet his pants.
You, keep the water coming.
The rest of you, post video. Not vertical, landscape.
Or you'll all get it.
He's worse than ever.
Eh, my presentations have made bullies worse in every school.
We hoped this time would be different.
Ow. [sighs]
Oy, now what?
It was Nelson. He's really out of control.
[Principal Skinner on PA] Attention, students. Be warned--
- [punch lands] - Ow! My stamp collecting arm.
[Nelson on PA] Ha-ha!
I think I might know a way to help you.
How are you gonna help me with a bully?
Yeah, Lisa. You can't even squish a bug.
- [squelches] - [cries]
That poor bug.
It was a raisin.
That poor raisin. It never should have left Fresno.
[breathes heavily]
You probably couldn't tell, but... [pants] ...I never played before.
[pants]
- I, um-- - Hold on. [breathes heavily]
[chuckles] All right.
I-I started to suspect when you tried to eat the pickleball, Homer.
Nothing should be named food that isn't food.
[chuckles] Well, I love hanging out with someone so straightforward.
Confidentially, in my business, I meet a lot of frauds and phonies.
I hate phonies.
Least, I pretend to because I think it's cool.
So why are you interested in me? Is it to sell me a car I can't afford?
No, I'm not like that, Homer. These cars, they sell themselves.
I just wanna be your friend.
Well, I'm... [mumbles]
I believe you! Could I drive it?
- [chuckles] Homer? - Yes?
Are you ready for the ride of your life?
I was born ready.
Then I lost interest for a long time. But I'm ready now.
Ow!
[grunting]
Now, no worries.
Each Lambuggini comes with a tub of fatso grease.
You just gotta apply it.
[moans]
[engine revs]
Wow. Wow.
Well, don't look now, Homer. But you just became a Lambo man.
Come on. A loser like me? Never.
Hey, now. Would I give a loser a bottle of genuine Lambuggini wine? I would not.
Wine from a car? Whoa!
Don't you be getting no fancy ideas, Homer.
You wanna suckle booze, you come to Mamma Moe.
Uh, the car can sense that you're having an unpleasant thought.
Oh, no. Not fresh air! [screams]
Why are you being so nice to me?
Well, I like you, Homer. You live next door, and we love our house.
It just needs a few tweaks. Tweaks, tweaks, tweaks, tweaks, tweaks.
And, uh, I really want us to be friends.
Well, I wanna believe you.
All right. I understand. You're not sure.
But there is another guy who does wanna be my buddy.
[gasps] Another offer? Is it serious?
Oh, yeah. He's been circling for a while. I said I'd get back to him by 5:00.
Okay. Okay. Friends it is. I'll sign anything.
You just became my Lam-bro.
[chuckles] I don't get it.
Well, Marge, you can have your Lennys and your Carls.
Little men with puny cars to match.
I found a new friend.
And tomorrow, Anne and I are gonna lunch.
I use that as a verb now. [giggles]
♪ But you got to have friends ♪
♪ The feeling's oh-so-- ♪
[engine revs]
Hey, Chief, aren't you gonna pull 'em over?
Really? In this Dodge Charger with 260,000 miles?
With a catalytic converter that's being stolen as we speak?
- [metal rattles] - Gotcha.
♪ 'Cause you got to have friends ♪
♪ La la la la la la la la ♪
♪ Friends ♪
♪ That's right you, oh, you, yeah, you ♪
- ♪ I said you gotta have some friends ♪ - ♪ Friends ♪
To the truest kind of friendship there is: couples friendship.
[all] Couples friendship.
Why aren't we friends like that?
Is it because you're a doctor and I'm out of work?
No, it's because we're not even dining together.
You just slid your table closer to us. [laughs]
All right, I'll go. But can I have your bread?
Kirk, please.
Shut up. Grab the butter.
[crickets chirping]
Marge, can I take this side of the bed? I wanna be closer to our new neighbors.
I understand.
[machinery revving]
[Marge] They're doing a reno!
Did you know they're doing a reno?
Well, he did mention something, and I might have signed something,
but it's not a complete teardown.
Okay. Okay.
He's leaving up one closet for tax purposes.
- [glass shatters] - Hey.
Hey, you wanna keep it down, lady? We're trying to work here.
[machinery revving]
[speaking Spanish]
Don't give me your technical construction talk.
How long is this gonna take?
[speaking Spanish]
So, he wasn't trying to sell you a car.
He was trying to trick you into agreeing to all of this.
What? No. What? No. What?
I can't believe a car salesman would lie to me.
Well, you don't have to hit me with a ton of bricks.
[worker] Look out below!
Oh!
Oh. Don't make fun of me, Lis.
I'm so afraid of Nelson, I'm gonna use the kindergarten entrance.
Oh, man. I miss kindergarten.
When all the days were half and all the milk was chocolate.
Give me your lunch money.
Why do you need lunch money? You guys go home for lunch.
We can do this the easy way, or we can do it the easy way.
That's it. We're kindergartners.
We can use the regular entrance.
I don't think Mr. Nelson Muntz will be bothering you anymore.
[all laughing]
I have him right where I want him.
I learned all about cyberbullying on idiot-says-what.org.
What?
[Lisa] I have every embarrassing video of him on file.
Nelson, you been eating my cherry lipstick again?
Oh, I swear it wasn't me.
Well, that counts as breakfast.
- I ain't afraid of you or your bodyguard. - Really?
I've also got footage of what you did to that wounded hummingbird.
No!
I may not have a daddy, but now you have a daddy.
I can't believe he only lasted two days.
[all laughing]
You win.
How may I serve you, master?
Give me your vest.
Is your shirt just drawn on?
Yes.
You said, "A few tweaks." That house is a complete do-over.
[sighs] I'm sorry. Can you give me a minute here?
Well, are you sure?
I'm about to spend $200,000.
Homer, my friend, for you, I'll forego my commission.
Gil, the sale is yours.
Ha-cha! Ol' Gil's finally gonna close.
[chuckles]
Just need a pen.
Who's got a pen? [chuckles]
Waiting on that pen.
[chuckles]
I used to have a pen, but my wife got it in the divorce.
Hey. No pen, no sale.
No, no, no. D-Dang it.
I would have been able to pay the rent on my shoes.
Just tell me how long your renovation is really gonna take.
Well, quite simply, it depends
on how long it takes the bathroom tile to arrive from Singapore.
What the-- I thought we were friends.
- We drove fast together. - You know what? You're right, Homer.
We'll reduce the noise. We'll start later.
And while we're working on the house,
why don't you use one of our Lambos? Long as you want.
Oh, my fob.
- [chuckles] So, uh, are we good? - We are.
But my wife might take a little convincing.
Just take her and the family for a ride.
But there isn't enough room for the kids.
Exactly.
Oh.
I don't get it.
Shall I turn on your seat warmer?
Seat warmer? What's that?
Ooh.
Well, I guess that renovation has to end sometime. [chuckles]
- Ew! - Gross.
It's worse than you think.
They're married to each other.
- [gags] - Ew.
If I ever kiss my husband, shoot me.
Well, well, well, Nelson Muntz.
Do you have the juice box I ordered?
Right here, sir.
Could you insert the straw for me?
Of course, sir.
Right away, sir.
Now you know what to do.
Ha-ha!
[gasps] My computer is frozen.
Nelson's out of my control.
What did you do?
I found my own nerd.
Hubert Wong.
I thought we were buddies.
He made a compelling case when he put my face in a toilet.
I'm gonna beat you like a Hopi spirit drum.
[scoffs] Good reference, Lisa, if it were the celebration of the nasanmuyaw moon,
which it definitely is not.
Ooh. [growls]
♪ Well he walked up to me And asked me if I wanted to dance ♪
♪ He looked kind of nice And so I said I might take a chance ♪
And now, for your entertainment,
Groundskeeper Willie will try to catch a greased Martin.
♪ And when he walked me home that night ♪
♪ All the stars were shining bright And then he kissed me ♪
Oh, my God.
It blocks out all our light.
[Homer] I'll handle this.
- [Thayer] Hello? You've reached Thayer. - Listen, you charming--
[Thayer] We're doing some minor touch-ups on Casa de Blackburn.
So we're getting away from the dust and the nightmare of it all...
[Anne] ...in Bora-Bora.
See you in six weeks.
[line clicks, dial tone]
- Bora? - Bora.
What do we do now?
What neighbors have done during construction
since the time of the pharaohs,
sit and mutter.
[muttering]
- No good, two-bit... - I'm just gonna mutter here.
- I'll mutter with you because I-- - Charming son of a gun...
Muttering, eh?
Can I join you?
I brought my muttering chair.
No.
Oh, you stupid ungrateful--
[bell tolling]
[muttering continues]
[Grampa] I'm so glad they're building something next to...
["The Game Has Changed" playing]
- [music ends] - Hubert Wong.
Lisa Simpson, it's on.
Nerdo y nerdo.
It's nerdo a nerdo.
Only a nerdo would know that.
A nerda!
And it is on.
Why did you stop?
I just realized this extracurricular activity
would look bad on a college application.
[gasps] Are you also thinking détente?
I was actually thinking entente.
Whoa! Moving a little fast there, Lisa.
Nerds.
What have they ever contributed to society?
Siri, tell me one thing that nerds have ever done.
[Siri] They created me to answer everyone's questions.
It's a living hell.
Hmm, you know, I can't even remember what they're fighting over.
Wanna go on the teeter-totter?
Eh, why not?
♪ Seesaw Margery Daw ♪
♪ Jack shall have a new master ♪
♪ He shall make but a penny a day ♪
♪ 'Cause he can't move any faster ♪
Ah, the old seesaw chant.
When they're finished, do you wanna join me for an up and down?
Get away from me.
[drilling]
[Marge grunting]
[sucking]
There's nothing we can do.
We can't stop them.
We can't sell.
And God forbid we burn their house down.
Just putting that out there.
We could never do that.
No.
Although fires are easy to blame on Grampa.
Just putting that out there.
You put everything out there but the trash.
Maybe you could do the trash.
- Just putting-- - Don't say it.
We have an answer.
Wait, you guys are friends now?
I've learned everything there is to learn about Lisa.
It made me realize if someone doesn't help her family, and soon,
she's gonna go off the rails in a very bad way.
And I've learned that Hubert is desperate for approval,
so I can control him with pumpkin stickers.
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Yes, I matter.
Anyway, when I was doxing your daughter,
I learned a very interesting thing about this street.
Your home sits on the site where Jebediah Springfield founded this town.
Eh, we better stop here 'cause the horses are dead.
Spring? Field?
We'll call it "Fieldspring."
So, this street is a historical landmark.
All their renovations are not permitted.
Parenthetically, Homer, you can never fix your house again.
Win-win.
Attention, I'm here to return a car.
Homer, buddy, I thought we were friends.
I've learned that my only true friends are those tragic souls at Moe's.
Now go "fob" yourself.
Well, I guess I made a mistake, Homer.
I thought you were a Lambo man.
News flash, I was wrong.
You know, I've learned something.
There's no such thing as a "Lambo man," just rich jerks with stupid cars.
Oh, my God. He's right.
This doesn't make my junk look any bigger.
You know what? Forget it.
I'm gonna date somebody my own age.
When you have love, you don't need a fancy car.
[engine sputters]
Someday, young man, this will all be yours.
[uplifting ballad playing]
[horse grunts, whinnies]
[narrator] That spot became many things over the years.
An outhouse.
A speakeasy.
Six witches were burned in the front yard in the 1940s.
Then it was the home of a radical cult, Reagan campaign headquarters,
which was swallowed by a sinkhole and then spat back out.
And finally, the home of the Simpsons.
What are you looking at?
Shh!