1
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,298
I'm just gonna attach this lapel mic, sir.
2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,513
{\an8}So you want me to talk about
Persephone Odair. That's easy.
3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,683
{\an8}She was a brilliant entrepreneur
who wanted to save the world.
4
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,310
{\an8}How I wish that was her only shortcoming.
5
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:24,399
{\an8}My company, LifeBoat,
can take an ocean of salt water
6
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,445
{\an8}and transform it into clean drinking water
cheaply and efficiently,
7
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,740
{\an8}with a machine only the size
of a can of oats.
8
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,408
{\an8}Oats!
9
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,453
{\an8}Now, the doubters
call this goal impossible.
10
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:39,748
{\an8}But I prefer to say, "I'm possible."
11
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,007
{\an8}This story's about
a little girl who had a dream.
12
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:52,010
{\an8}But it begins with another little girl
who allowed us to use the footage
13
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,722
{\an8}from when she interviewed the first little
girl who was no longer a little girl.
14
00:00:55,722 --> 00:01:01,478
I'm so excited to be interviewing
Persephone Odair, CEO of LifeBoat.
15
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:05,857
{\an8}So, Persephone, you were the most
be-badged Girl Scout of all time,
16
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:10,278
{\an8}and then followed in the footsteps of Bill
Gates by dropping out of Harvard early.
17
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,946
{\an8}The earliest ever.
18
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,866
Our car didn't even slow down
on freshman move-in day.
19
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,079
So inspirational.
20
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,792
What was the aha moment that gave you
the idea to start LifeBoat?
21
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,001
{\an8}Great question.
22
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:28,046
{\an8}And, Lisa, great questions are
the jackhammers
23
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,715
{\an8}which demo the walls
built by disruptophobes
24
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,802
{\an8}to create the open floor plan
of innovation.
25
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,471
I've always thought that about questions.
26
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,265
Lisa,
my grandfather was a World War II sailor
27
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,350
whose ship was torpedoed.
28
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,936
He was stranded on a lifeboat, Lisa.
29
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,648
Surrounded by water,
but not a drop to drink.
30
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,525
Don't tell me he died.
31
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:54,572
{\an8}Worse. He gave up and then he died of
quitting and super-duper dehydration.
32
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,366
{\an8}But I will never give up
33
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,828
{\an8}until I've raised enough capital
to make LifeBoat a reality.
34
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,122
{\an8}So if you know any billionaires...
35
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:06,042
{\an8}Well, the only one in our town
is Mr. Burns, and he's awful.
36
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,419
{\an8}Once, he clear-cut a forest
37
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:11,005
{\an8}because he thought
a squirrel was looking at him funny.
38
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,969
{\an8}Montgomery Burns. Mmm.
39
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,929
{\an8}Interesting idea, Lisa.
40
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,348
{\an8}No, I didn't say it to be an idea.
41
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,641
{\an8}He's terrible.
42
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,435
{\an8}Whatever you do, don't go to him.
43
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,605
{\an8}But the woman who once
tried to clone Sheryl Sandberg
44
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,316
{\an8}for a school project
would not be deterred.
45
00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:37,991
Welcome to Orlando. Quick heads-up,
we may have to cut this panel short
46
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,578
due to our third once-in-a-million-year
hurricane this season.
47
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,247
Put this on my reel!
48
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,623
Terrible luck.
49
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,208
No fault of anyone's.
50
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,503
Mr. Burns, climate change
has left the Earth in peril.
51
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:55,008
{\an8}Who sent you? John Muir?
Friedrich Engels? Mike Doonesbury?
52
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:59,554
I'm getting word that this hurricane is
meeting up with the Everglades super fire.
53
00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:03,850
Montgomery, I'm the founder
of a desalination company.
54
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:09,022
Our world is running out of water,
and we need a hero to rescue us,
55
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,192
and I believe that
that hero is your money.
56
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,113
{\an8}We sell chemicals
that could put out that fire.
57
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:20,158
Granted, those chemicals
turn alligators into Godzillas.
58
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,203
But we're working on a bomb
that can fix that.
59
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,914
{\an8}Sorry, miss. Desalination is a snooze.
60
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,458
But I do want in on the Godzilla bomb.
61
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,670
Persephone was not shy about
hounding Mr. Burns.
62
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,506
And he wasn't shy about hounding her.
63
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,718
Some fish just swim with the tide.
64
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:42,555
I'm the kind of relentless fish
that falls down ten times
65
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,935
before it runs up the mountain
on ocean shoes.
66
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,326
Fine. You've got five minutes.
67
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,453
Who are these goateed wastrels?
68
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,579
A documentary crew.
69
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:10,583
Only the most paradigm-shifting
start-up CEOs have them.
70
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,754
Mr. Burns, I see your life
as a beautiful business opera
71
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,007
and investing in LifeBoat
as the climactic aria
72
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:23,096
{\an8}that will put you in the same pantheon
as Getty, Vanderbilt, the Spanx lady.
73
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,849
Desalination is an expensive
and inefficient industry
74
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,518
begging to be disrupted.
75
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,687
Success is a decision.
76
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,481
Dare to choose it, sir. Dare to.
77
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,565
Of course.
78
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,776
Like how I chose to be born rich.
79
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,821
Together we can disrupt big salt water.
80
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,823
You mean the ocean?
81
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:42,907
Exactly.
82
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,410
- Or should I say, excellent.
- Excellent.
83
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:49,580
Not only am I pledging much of
my personal wealth to LifeBoat,
84
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:53,710
but I'm giving the company Cooling Tower A
to use as its headquarters.
85
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,504
{\an8}Cooling Tower A
was Mr. Burns's favorite tower.
86
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,257
{\an8}He always said it held
so many precious memories.
87
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:05,722
In addition, all workers in Sector 7-G
are immediately fired--
88
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,848
Hey, that's me!
89
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,141
Screw you, pig!
90
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,519
And are rehired
at higher tech industry salaries.
91
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,895
Bless you, pig!
92
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:16,107
Burns brought his wealthiest
friends into Persephone's fold.
93
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:20,320
When I invest, I look at
the business's key fundamental:
94
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,574
Am I under the delusion
that I have a shot with the CEO?
95
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:31,497
Burns and Persephone were soon
running the new company side by side,
96
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:35,001
overseeing a start-up culture
where everyone had a creative title.
97
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,671
Persephone Odair, Founder
and Status Quo Demolitionist.
98
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,424
Montgomery Burns, Chief Change Alchemist.
99
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,843
Waylon Smithers, Purposefulness Warlock.
100
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,179
Carl Carlson, Brain Dump Magician.
101
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,514
Lenny Leonard, Storytelling Ninja.
102
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,892
Homer Simpson, "Competeticy" Rock Star.
103
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,310
Competency.
104
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,686
Say it again.
105
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:57,023
{\an8}If anyone can transform Burns,
it's a visionary like Persephone.
106
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,401
{\an8}Like, if you work at LifeBoat, you have to
use these metal drinking straws.
107
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:03,029
It's so easy to clean after every use.
108
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,573
I'm just--
109
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,325
Why does it have to bend?
110
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,118
Come--
111
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,704
{\an8}♪ This is my fight song ♪
112
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,624
♪ Take back my life song ♪
113
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:18,127
♪ Prove I'm all right song ♪
114
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:25,343
My fellow LifeBoaters!
115
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:28,971
I'm so excited to have you
on this journey with me.
116
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:33,226
Imagine a world
with an endless supply of drinkable water.
117
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:40,274
A world where every hotel towel can be
used once and then dropped on the floor.
118
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,276
Oh, there were a lot of changes.
119
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:46,072
Unlike when this was a nuclear plant,
security's super tight now,
120
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,658
and we have to sign stringent NDAs.
121
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,035
And I am bad at keeping secrets.
122
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,956
Like how I'm not supposed to talk about
Lenny's crush on his Italian tutor.
123
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,500
Homer, ti ammazzo.
124
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,503
{\an8}LifeBoat was soaring,
but no one could have predicted
125
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,214
{\an8}what shocking turn was in store
for the company.
126
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,299
Um. Is this one of those documentaries
127
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:07,301
where I'm not supposed
to look at the camera?
128
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:10,263
Or is it like The Office,
where I always look at it
129
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,349
and do a big take so the audience
knows when to laugh?
130
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,480
"...in richness and wealth,
for richer and richer,"
131
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,276
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
132
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,119
I'm still pinching myself.
133
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:38,207
I'm married to Montgomery Burns,
nuclear industry legend.
134
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:41,043
Chief s'more toaster
at the Bohemian Grove.
135
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,087
The first man with no blood type.
136
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:46,549
What a joy to wake up in the morning,
turn my head on the pillow,
137
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,845
and see her bedroom door through
the glass of my hyperbaric chamber.
138
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,599
Soon, Persephone and Burns were
the new It power couple.
139
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:04,525
And the press couldn't get enough of
this May-last-minute-of-December romance.
140
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:08,362
It's so refreshing to see a young person
with the world at her feet,
141
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,782
who also sees the glory that is
Montgomery Burns.
142
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:26,088
Now it was up to Persephone
to create a working prototype
143
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,591
of her amazing desalination technology.
144
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,969
{\an8}The water in front of you comes from
the functional prototype
145
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,597
of the LifeBoat desalination machine.
146
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:39,227
So, everyone, please raise a glass
to milestone this history-defining moment.
147
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,979
What's going on?
148
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,440
- Hey--
- Oh, no, you can't drink it now. No.
149
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,069
Our competitors could steal
the proprietary aquatech in your urine.
150
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,533
And just in case any of
our patented evaporated mist
151
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,867
made it into your bladders,
152
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,828
we've arranged
to have you all catheterized.
153
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,789
Ooh! Yeah!
154
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,961
{\an8}So LifeBoat was just following
the tech industry playbook.
155
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:10,007
{\an8}Fake it till you make it.
Or as I call it "lie-PO" until you IPO.
156
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,261
{\an8}But the employees
were already dreaming of cashing out.
157
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,388
Tech salaries are the greatest.
158
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,350
This week I gave Marge 200 stock options
to go grocery shopping.
159
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,601
It didn't work at all.
160
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:23,521
I had to put all the food
back on the shelves.
161
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,607
Meanwhile, the newly-minted
tech workers were adapting to
162
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,776
a much different corporate culture.
163
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:31,362
At the new company,
people were so secretive,
164
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:35,616
they actually moved the Post-it notes
with their passwords off their monitor.
165
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,914
Workers were getting fired every day.
166
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,709
That tattoo is the intellectual property
of the company.
167
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,590
The whole company got so paranoid.
168
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:55,720
Because of those NDAs he signed, Homer
couldn't even tell me how his day was.
169
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,972
I can neither confirm
nor deny I had a day.
170
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:01,892
Well, it was strange they wouldn't
let me look inside the machine,
171
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:07,064
since my title was Chief Engineer
of Inside the Machine.
172
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,691
Whenever a reporter came by,
173
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:12,153
it seemed like they were trying to
cover something up.
174
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:16,782
Well, still better than
working for Zuckerberg.
175
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:20,202
They were hiding something,
and it was really freaking me out.
176
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,787
So I emailed Persephone.
177
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,040
And the next day, Carl was gone.
178
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,717
Despite the red flags flying
from this lifeboat,
179
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,469
there continued to be believers.
180
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,180
Persephone dominates my vision board.
181
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:44,268
Sure, she married Mr. Burns,
but as CEO, a woman had all the power.
182
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,229
That's what made
the Internet trolls so mad.
183
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,357
All the online negativity stirred up
184
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:53,152
the finger-tented anger
of a different kind of troll.
185
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,445
Hmm.
186
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,864
♪ This is my fight song ♪
187
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:59,950
♪ Take back my life song ♪
188
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,702
I wanted to give my wife--
189
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,205
Wow. "Wife."
Still getting used to saying that.
190
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,832
A little something special
for her birthday.
191
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,417
A Twitter gift card?
192
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:12,171
No. I bought you Twitter.
The whole company.
193
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,297
It was a bargain.
194
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,715
The previous owner had to sell it
195
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:19,303
after his self-driving Mars rocket crashed
into the International Space Station.
196
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:24,308
Mr. Burns, you deleted all negative tweets
about Persephone.
197
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,560
Is that evidence
that you're in a kind of cult
198
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,896
and won't hear any criticism
of your leader?
199
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:33,192
Yes, I am in a cult.
It's called a marriage.
200
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,028
My wife is the head of it,
and my job is to support her.
201
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,989
Now, maybe you're the cult leader
in your marriage, Andrew,
202
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:42,993
but, uh, I know Pilar
and I suspect she'd disagree.
203
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,331
But LifeBoat was rocked
by a fresh scandal,
204
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:51,794
{\an8}when an anonymous whistleblower bravely
came forward with damning new information.
205
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,838
{\an8}My best friend, Carl, was abducted
206
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,425
{\an8}because he was about to go public with
a story that would destroy this company.
207
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:01,178
{\an8}People need to know the truth.
The LifeBoat machine doesn't work.
208
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:04,140
The whistle was blown
and the damage was done.
209
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,899
Ma'am, ma'am.
The whistleblower claims the only person
210
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,111
who has seen the inside of
your desalination machine has disappeared.
211
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,612
Isn't that suspicious?
212
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,197
Why do you doubt a female CEO,
213
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:23,200
but believe the silhouette
of a man sitting in the dark?
214
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,120
News flash, women have faces now.
215
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,621
At this moment,
216
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,541
allegations that
its core technology does not work
217
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,127
are threatening LifeBoat's very survival.
218
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,173
Is this the beginning of the end
for this once promising start-up?
219
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,092
And the answer is, absolutely not.
220
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:44,472
LifeBoat will save humanity and become
the world's most profitable company.
221
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:49,518
Join us next time for LifeBoat Afloat:
Persephone's Total Vindication.
222
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:53,272
{\an8}This documentary series
is now a BurnsCo production.
223
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,987
Montgomery Burns wasn't happy with
the documentary about his wife's start-up,
224
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,114
so he bought the company that made it.
225
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,450
But that didn't stop others
from telling the story,
226
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:08,704
because the business
of business documentaries is big business.
227
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,793
We've unearthed even more
never-before-seen footage of the Beatles.
228
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,962
Including six hours
of them discussing drinking water.
229
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:20,382
The thing about water,
you can't make tea without it.
230
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,551
What if you made tea out of coffee?
231
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,637
What if you made coffee out of tea?
232
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,139
Uh, fellas,
maybe we should play some music.
233
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:32,102
Why do they call it H2O?
I bet no reason at all.
234
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,397
Just weeks ago,
235
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:38,609
LifeBoat stopped payment
on their stadium-naming rights.
236
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,868
Despite the glut
of LifeBoat documentaries,
237
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,830
the definitive version was made
by a storyteller so compelling,
238
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,416
he made 12 hours
on the national parks feel like 11.
239
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,018
The mysterious whistleblower alleged that
240
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,397
Persephone's desalination
machine was fraudulent.
241
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,191
{\an8}The LifeBoat machine doesn't work.
242
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,651
{\an8}Unfortunately for him,
243
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,612
{\an8}Mr. Burns's legal team
had acquired the raw footage
244
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,824
{\an8}of the whistleblower's damning interview.
245
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,034
{\an8}The machine doesn't work.
246
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:33,163
{\an8}Hey! I ordered this sub toasted.
This is only lightly toasted.
247
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,500
{\an8}Is this how you treat
a whistleblower? Uh-oh.
248
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,378
Mr. Burns and Persephone
now knew the identity
249
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,422
of the man who betrayed them.
250
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,508
And the hiring of lawyers
to destroy Homer Simpson
251
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,469
proved to be quite the aphrodisiac.
252
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,351
LifeBoat lawyers were
relentless in trying to subpoena Homer...
253
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,563
...and sue him for breaking his NDA.
254
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:07,114
My dad got an anonymous message
saying there was something he had to see,
255
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,616
so I went with him.
256
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:13,370
What I saw changed the one thing
I thought could never be changed,
257
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,538
my mind.
258
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:26,383
Carl, you sent the message.
You've been working in the lab all along?
259
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:33,098
If I didn't do their dirty work,
they'd tell the world my dark secret.
260
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:37,019
I've been to 700 Jimmy Buffett concerts.
I'm a Parrot Head.
261
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,688
"Cheeseburger in Paradise"!
262
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,607
So, what are they making you do?
263
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:46,028
I'm putting something in the LifeBoat
machines called Jab-a-tose.
264
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,030
Well, if I may Frink-splain,
265
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:53,619
{\an8}in 1970, a very popular diet soda
called Jab was discontinued
266
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,831
{\an8}because of the overpowering sweetness
of its artificial flavor.
267
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:03,253
{\an8}LifeBoat bought up thousands
of cases of unsold Jab sodas,
268
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:09,218
{\an8}because Jab-a-tose was so strong, it could
completely mask the taste of salt.
269
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,344
Oh, my God.
270
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,138
This machine doesn't take out the salt.
271
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,516
It masks it with sweetness.
272
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,976
That's the Jab-a-tose.
273
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:21,689
Ocean water enters the machine
and when it comes out, it tastes normal,
274
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,734
but still has more salt
than all the glasses in Margaritaville.
275
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,860
Oh, my God.
276
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:30,698
LifeBoat is built on a lie,
and Persephone is a fraud!
277
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:34,243
But her merch is... [sniffles] ...solid.
278
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:38,163
Action was needed,
and island time was running out.
279
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,999
The fateful demo day had arrived
280
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:44,503
for LifeBoat to finally prove its concept
at Springfield Elementary.
281
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,465
The school's drinking water
had been replaced with LifeBoat liquid:
282
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,926
Jab-a-tose-infused salt water.
283
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,595
LifeBoat employees had drunk the Kool-Aid.
284
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,932
And now it was being served up
to the children.
285
00:16:56,932 --> 00:17:00,019
Mr. Burns! The LifeBoat water isn't safe.
286
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,354
It's just super sweetened ocean brine!
287
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:07,234
Nonsense. My wife is a beautiful genius
who succeeds at everything she touches,
288
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,737
and everything she says
makes perfect sense.
289
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:13,032
The wheel of tomorrow is an aqua circle.
290
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,825
Let's make it rain!
291
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,368
Buddy, buddy, buddy.
292
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,789
What you're feeling towards
that lady is fresh love, not married love.
293
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,082
But we are married.
294
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,918
Yes, but the married love
hasn't kicked in yet.
295
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:31,258
When it does, you'll see your spouse's
flaws in 4K HD TV you can never turn off.
296
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:32,843
What are you driving at?
297
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:36,096
I think you need to look
at your wife with marriage eyes.
298
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,057
Water is the original crypto.
299
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,726
Every drop is encoded
on the biological blockchain,
300
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,104
and we are the aquanauts
of the potable future.
301
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,732
This is Wet 3.0!
302
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:50,903
I don't understand a thing
she's ever said.
303
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,863
Now you're married.
304
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,032
{\an8}And since you're seeing things clearly...
305
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,244
Oh, dear.
Those children are going to drink poison,
306
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,664
and the bad news is
I am going to be liable.
307
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,625
Liable!
308
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,174
That is what would have happened
309
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,802
had Homer not turned the valve off.
310
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,182
Sorry, we only put that
in there for the trailer.
311
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,685
Do you know how hard it is to get people
to watch a documentary
312
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,813
that's not about a small-town murder?
313
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,481
Please, honey, come clean.
314
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,942
Your miracle invention is nothing
but claptrap.
315
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:33,612
If you can just admit that,
maybe we have a chance.
316
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,949
Babe, the underlying imaginary technology
still works.
317
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:43,288
And in that moment, this
unlikely and super gross love affair died.
318
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:47,209
Yes, I was besotted.
Blind to her machinations.
319
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,752
She cost me billions.
320
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,171
It wasn't that she was evil. I love evil.
321
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:54,049
It's that she still insists she's good.
322
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:58,011
LifeBoat had finally hit the reef,
323
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:01,473
drowning its investors and employees
in poisoned water
324
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,517
and counterparty risk lawsuits.
325
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:08,021
{\an8}But to this day, Persephone has refused
to admit any failure.
326
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:11,358
Testing showed your desalinator
did absolutely nothing,
327
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,860
your company is bankrupt,
328
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:16,780
and in the divorce, Mr. Burns
somehow got your high school friends.
329
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,535
What happens from here?
330
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,162
Well, Christiane Amanpour, as you say,
331
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,289
things have never looked better
for the company.
332
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,582
I didn't say that.
333
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,959
The reality is, you're in jail.
334
00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:34,715
Christiane, have I ever told you about
my grandfather's experience on a lifeboat?
335
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,217
Even that was a lie.
336
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:40,470
Her grandfather wasn't in the war,
and he didn't die on a lifeboat.
337
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:45,142
He's a CPA whose hobby is fixing
British spellings on Wikipedia.
338
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,234
Not only did I miss out
on once-in-a-lifetime start-up riches,
339
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,904
but I lost the most amazing woman
I ever met.
340
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,740
I think in a few more months,
she might have even slept with me.
341
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,535
It's great to meet you in person
after seeing so much footage of you
342
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:07,080
in our documentary,
The Man Who Sold Horse Meat Sandwiches.
343
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,500
Anything else to add?
344
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,253
Just this: Don't feel sorry for me.
345
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,214
Time to rebuild and reconquer.
346
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,883
If I know one thing about myself,
347
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,345
Montgomery Burns always bounces back.
348
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,269
♪ This is my fight song ♪
349
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,146
♪ Take back my life song ♪
350
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:36,944
♪ Prove I'm all right song ♪
351
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,446
♪ My power's turned on ♪
352
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:43,116
- ♪ Starting right now I'll be strong ♪
- ♪ I'll be strong ♪
353
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:44,826
♪ I'll play my fight song ♪
354
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,332
{\an8}We also have over 90 hours
of them talking about umbrellas.
355
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,167
{\an8}Maybe that could be a documentary too.
356
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,254
{\an8}I once brought an umbrella
into the shower.
357
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,589
{\an8}- How did you get clean?
- I didn't.
358
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,841
{\an8}But at least I didn't have
to take off me clothes.
359
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,929
{\an8}As soon as I open my umbrella,
it stops raining.
360
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,472
{\an8}You need a sunroof on it.
361
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:08,517
{\an8}What about a giant umbrella you keep
in the trunk?
362
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,520
{\an8}Sounds like you're talking
about an umbrellaphant.
363
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,398
{\an8}Can we get back to work?
364
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,316
{\an8}Wait, I like the sound of that.
365
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,567
{\an8}"Get Back."
366
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:21,113
{\an8}I saw an umbrellaphant at the circus.
He was working for peanuts.
367
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,123
Shh!