1
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我夾一下領夾式麥克風

2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,513
{\an8}你要我講講
波瑟芬妮奧黛爾的事嗎?很簡單

3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,683
{\an8}她是個想要拯救世界的優秀創業家

4
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,310
{\an8}我真希望那是她唯一的缺點

5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,645
(一年前)

6
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{\an8}我的公司

7
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,399
{\an8}「救昇艇」能以便宜、有效率的方式

8
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,445
{\an8}將海水轉換成乾淨飲用水

9
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:31,614
{\an8}轉換儀器只有一罐燕麥大

10
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{\an8}燕麥

11
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{\an8}心存懷疑的人說這個目標不可能辦到

12
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:39,748
{\an8}但我想說:「我辦得到」

13
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,833
{\an8}(救昇艇)

14
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(《勇於豪飲:救昇艇的故事》)

15
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{\an8}(第一章)
(崛起)

16
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{\an8}本片講述了一個懷抱夢想的小女孩的故事

17
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:52,010
{\an8}但首先我們要看
另一個允許我們使用她影像的小女孩

18
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,472
{\an8}在一開始那個小女孩長大後
訪問她的片段

19
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我很興奮能採訪到
救昇艇執行長波瑟芬妮奧黛爾

20
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:05,857
{\an8}波瑟芬妮,妳是史上
得到最多勳章的女童軍

21
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:10,278
{\an8}然後追隨比爾蓋茲的腳步
提早從哈佛輟學

22
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,946
{\an8}是史上最早

23
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,866
我們家的車在大一搬宿舍那天
甚至沒有停下來

24
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(歡迎入學)

25
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太啟發人心了

26
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妳什麼時候想到要創立救昇艇?

27
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,001
{\an8}這問題真棒

28
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{\an8}另外,花枝,好問題就像是手提電鑽

29
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,715
{\an8}能打破畏懼改變者築起的高牆

30
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,802
{\an8}打造創新的開放格局

31
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,471
我常常都覺得問題有這個用途

32
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花枝,我祖父是二戰水手
他的船艦被魚雷擊中

33
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他受困在救生艇上,花枝

34
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,648
周遭都是水,卻一口都不能喝

35
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別告訴我他死了

36
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{\an8}更糟,他放棄求生
因為半途而廢和嚴重脫水而死

37
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,366
{\an8}但我絕對不會放棄

38
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{\an8}直到我募集足夠的資金實現救昇艇的理想

39
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{\an8}如果妳認識億萬富翁...

40
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{\an8}我們鎮上唯一的億萬富翁就是伯恩斯先生
而且他是大爛咖

41
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{\an8}他有一次把一座森林砍光

42
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:11,005
{\an8}因為他覺得有隻松鼠用奇怪的表情看他

43
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{\an8}蒙哥馬利伯恩斯

44
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{\an8}這想法真有趣,花枝

45
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,348
{\an8}不,我沒有提議的意思

46
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{\an8}他很爛

47
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{\an8}不管如何都別去找他

48
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{\an8}(雪柔桑德伯格)

49
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,605
{\an8}但曾經想在學校報告中

50
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,482
{\an8}做出雪柔桑德伯格複製人的
那個女人不會退卻

51
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,441
(佛州能源展)

52
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(石化燃料老生常談
我們榮耀的非永續未來)

53
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歡迎來到奧蘭多,提醒一下
座談會可能必須提早結束

54
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,786
因為本季第三次出現
每百萬年才出現一次的颶風

55
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把這段放到我的連續短片

56
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,623
真不巧

57
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:47,208
這不是任何人的錯

58
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伯恩斯先生,氣候變遷讓地球置身險境

59
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{\an8}(核能、石油、煤炭)

60
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{\an8}誰派妳來的?約翰繆爾?
弗里德里希恩格斯?麥克多恩斯伯里?

61
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我剛剛得知這次颶風
碰上了佛羅里達大沼澤地超級大火

62
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蒙哥馬利,我是海水淡化公司的創辦人

63
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:09,022
這世界的水源日漸匱乏
我們需要能拯救我們的英雄

64
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,192
而我相信那個英雄就是你的錢

65
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,113
{\an8}我們販售能撲滅大火的化學物質

66
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:20,158
但確實,那些化學物質
也讓鱷魚變成了哥吉拉

67
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,203
但我們正在研發能殺了牠的炸彈

68
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{\an8}抱歉,小姐,海水淡化好無聊

69
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,458
但我願意投資哥吉拉炸彈

70
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,670
波瑟芬妮對伯恩斯先生窮追猛打

71
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他也放出獵犬追趕她

72
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,718
有些魚只會隨波逐流

73
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:42,555
我是那種失敗十次仍鍥而不捨

74
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,935
最終穿著潛水鞋爬到山上的魚

75
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,187
(招股說明書)
(救昇艇)

76
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,024
(融資願景板)
(舒適圈)

77
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,361
(救昇艇)
(現金流,顧客流失率)

78
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,326
好吧,給妳五分鐘

79
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,453
這兩個留山羊鬍的廢物是哪位?

80
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,579
紀錄片拍攝人員

81
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:10,583
只有最顛覆傳統的
新創公司執行長才會請他們

82
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,754
伯恩斯先生,我把你的人生
看作動人的事業歌劇

83
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:18,007
投資救昇艇則是高潮片段的詠歎調

84
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:23,096
這會讓你與蓋蒂、范德比爾特
和塑身褲女老闆等偉大人物齊名

85
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,849
海水淡化是個昂貴又沒效率的產業

86
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,518
亟需加以顛覆

87
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,687
若要成功,就要下決定

88
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,481
要有膽做出選擇,要有膽識

89
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,565
當然了

90
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,776
就像我選擇生在富裕家庭

91
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,821
只要攜手合作
我們便能顛覆海水淡化的大公司

92
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,823
妳是指海洋嗎?

93
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:42,907
沒錯

94
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,410
- 還是我該說,棒棒的
- 棒棒的

95
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:49,580
我不僅將大筆個人財富投資於救昇艇

96
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:53,710
我還要讓A號冷卻塔作為他們的公司總部

97
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,420
{\an8}A號冷卻塔是伯恩斯先生最愛的冷卻塔

98
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,504
{\an8}(核電廠員工,藍佛特雷諾德)

99
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,257
{\an8}他總說那裡有很多珍貴的回憶

100
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:05,722
另外,7G區所有員工將即刻被資遣...

101
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,848
喂,這包含了我

102
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,141
去死啦,蠢豬

103
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,519
然後以科技公司更高的薪水重新聘僱

104
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:12,895
你真棒,蠢豬

105
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:16,107
伯恩斯向波瑟芬妮
介紹了他超有錢的朋友們

106
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:20,320
我投資時都會注意企業的根本關鍵

107
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,574
我是否誤以為我和執行長有機會在一起?

108
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,658
(沃夫卡索)

109
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,660
(梅鐸、貝佐斯、菲里
布希、貝利奇克)

110
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,246
伯恩斯和波瑟芬妮
很快就開始聯手經營新公司

111
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,998
(成為那種失敗十次仍鍥而不捨)

112
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,750
(最終穿著潛水鞋爬到山上的魚)

113
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,294
監督這個人人有新奇頭銜的新創公司文化

114
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,671
波瑟芬妮奧黛爾,創辦人兼破壞現況者

115
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,424
蒙哥馬利伯恩斯,首席改變煉金術師

116
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,843
韋倫史密瑟斯,堅定法師

117
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,179
卡爾卡爾森,點子魔術師

118
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,514
藍尼雷諾德,敘事忍者

119
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,892
荷馬辛普森,「擠能」搖滾巨星

120
00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,310
技能

121
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,686
再說一次

122
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:57,023
{\an8}只有波瑟芬妮這種有遠見的人
才有可能改變伯恩斯

123
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,401
{\an8}如果你在救昇艇工作
就必須用這種金屬製環保吸管

124
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,904
每次使用後都很方便清洗

125
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,573
我先...

126
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,408
為什麼會彎掉?

127
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,704
{\an8}(救昇艇誓師大會)

128
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:25,343
親愛的救昇艇員

129
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:28,971
我很期待和你們一起展開這趟旅程

130
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:33,226
想像你們身在一個世界
飲用水取之不盡、用之不竭

131
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:40,274
每一條飯店毛巾用過一次後
就能丟在地上

132
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,276
公司有許多改變

133
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:46,072
和以往的核電廠不同
現在公司的維安非常嚴實

134
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,658
所有人都必須簽署嚴格的保密協議

135
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,035
而且我很不擅長保密

136
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,956
例如我不該講出
藍尼暗戀他的義大利語家教

137
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,416
荷馬,我要殺了你

138
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,585
{\an8}救昇艇氣貫長虹,但沒人能預料到

139
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,504
{\an8}天大的劇變正等著公司

140
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,214
{\an8}(達沙尼、達能、純水樂
達夫20、救昇艇)

141
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:07,301
這是那種不該看鏡頭的紀錄片嗎?

142
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:10,263
還是像《我們的辦公室》,要一直看鏡頭

143
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,349
然後做出誇張反應
讓觀眾知道何時該笑?

144
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,480
「無論富裕或有錢,家財萬貫或富可敵國
皆不離不棄

145
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,276
我正式宣布你們結為夫妻」

146
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,659
{\an8}(第二章)
(波瑟蒙提)

147
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:33,119
我仍然不敢相信

148
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:38,207
我和核能產業傳奇人物
蒙哥馬利伯恩斯結婚

149
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:41,043
波西米亞樹林的烤棉花糖總監

150
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,087
第一個沒有血型的男人

151
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:46,549
人生一大樂事就是一早醒來
從枕頭上轉個頭

152
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,845
就能透過我的高壓氧治療艙玻璃
看到她的臥室門

153
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,599
不久後,波瑟芬妮和伯恩斯
成了最新的當紅權貴夫妻

154
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,100
(《富比士》
百歲以上和百歲以下菁英)

155
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,602
(《紐約郵報》)
(老少配)

156
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,604
(《任天堂力量》)
(我們「賊婚」了)

157
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:04,525
媒體也爭相報導這段爺孫戀

158
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:08,362
真是新奇,能看到這麼有影響力的年輕人

159
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,782
能理解蒙哥馬利伯恩斯的美好

160
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:12,909
(春田核電廠)

161
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,088
波瑟芬妮現在的任務
就是運用她出色的海水淡化技術

162
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,591
打造出可行的原型

163
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,884
{\an8}(救昇艇董事會會議)

164
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,261
{\an8}各位面前的水是用救昇艇

165
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,597
可運作的海水淡化原型機過濾而出

166
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:39,227
請各位拿起那杯水
敬這個達成里程碑的歷史性時刻

167
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:42,897
等等...

168
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,440
沒有,你們現在不能喝,不行

169
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,069
競爭對手能從你們的尿液
竊取我們的專利過濾水科技

170
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,533
為避免我們申請專利的加濕器水霧

171
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,867
進入你們的膀胱

172
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,828
我們已安排好讓各位插尿管

173
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,794
{\an8}救昇艇只是遵循科技公司的套路

174
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,337
{\an8}(矽谷記者)
(卡拉史威舍)

175
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:10,007
{\an8}弄假直到成真,一路騙到首次公開募股

176
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,261
{\an8}但員工已經在幻想兌現

177
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,388
科技公司薪水最讚了

178
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,350
這週我給美枝200股員工認股權
去採買雜貨

179
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,601
根本沒屁用

180
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:23,521
我必須把所有食物放回架上

181
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,607
同時,新科技公司員工要適應

182
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,776
截然不同的企業文化

183
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:31,362
在新公司裡,大家都神祕兮兮

184
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:35,616
他們還移除了貼在螢幕上的密碼便條紙

185
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:36,701
{\an8}(密:1234)

186
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:37,702
{\an8}(密碼)

187
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,869
(荷馬)

188
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,914
每天都有人被解僱

189
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,709
那個刺青是公司的智慧財產權

190
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,794
(出口)

191
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,590
整間公司的人都疑神疑鬼

192
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:55,720
因為簽了保密協議
荷馬甚至不能說他一天過得如何

193
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,972
我既不承認也不否認我去上班一天

194
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:01,892
他們不讓我看儀器內部很奇怪

195
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:06,480
因為我的頭銜是儀器內部首席工程師

196
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,691
只要有記者來訪

197
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:12,153
他們都好像是想掩蓋什麼

198
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,738
(專利系統)

199
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,782
但總好過為祖克柏工作

200
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:20,202
他們在隱瞞什麼事,讓我相當害怕

201
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,787
於是我寄了電郵給波瑟芬妮

202
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,040
結果隔天卡爾就消失了

203
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,043
(荷馬辛普森、卡爾卡爾森
藍尼雷諾德)

204
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,044
(沒人)

205
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,047
{\an8}(卡爾的越式河粉)
(不准碰)

206
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,214
{\an8}(巴茲可樂)

207
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,469
儘管救昇艇看起來不可信賴
但還是有許多信徒

208
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,180
波瑟芬妮占滿了我的願景板

209
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:44,268
她確實是和伯恩斯先生結婚
但身為執行長的女人掌控了大權

210
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,229
這會讓網路酸民氣死

211
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:50,191
網路負面批評激起了另一種白目之人

212
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,484
不安好心的怒火

213
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,152
(推特)
(救昇艇的股價就像這樣)

214
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,864
{\an8}(波瑟芬妮鐵粉樂園)

215
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:59,950
(祝波瑟芬妮生日快樂)

216
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,702
我想要給我妻子...

217
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,205
天啊,「妻子」,還不太適應說出這個詞

218
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,832
與眾不同的生日禮物

219
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,417
推特禮物卡?

220
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:12,171
不是,我買了推特要送給妳,整間公司

221
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,297
很便宜

222
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,715
前老闆的自駕火星火箭

223
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:19,303
撞上國際太空站後,他不得不脫手

224
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,308
伯恩斯先生
你刪除了關於波瑟芬妮所有的負面推文

225
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,560
這是否證明你就像加入邪教

226
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,896
無法聽取任何關於你領袖的批評?

227
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:32,274
對,我是加入邪教,「婚姻」就是這樣

228
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:36,028
我妻子是領袖,我的職責就是要支持她

229
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,989
也許你是你婚姻邪教的領袖,安德魯

230
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:42,284
但我認識琵拉,我猜她會不認同

231
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,331
但救昇艇因為最新醜聞大受衝擊

232
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:51,293
{\an8}匿名吹哨人勇敢地對外公開
打臉公司的新資訊

233
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:52,211
{\an8}(CNN調查節目)

234
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,589
{\an8}我最好的朋友卡爾被綁架
因為他本來打算揭露的資訊

235
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,425
{\an8}會毀了這間公司

236
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:01,178
{\an8}大眾必須知道實情,救昇艇儀器不管用

237
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:04,140
遭到爆料後,公司大受打擊

238
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,267
(爆料擊沉救昇艇)
(驚駭一爆)

239
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,685
(「救昇」艇不過)

240
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,687
{\an8}(我們得找更好的船)

241
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,188
(稀里嘩啦,划小艇)

242
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,899
女士,吹哨人聲稱

243
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,111
唯一看過妳海水淡化儀器內部的人失蹤

244
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,612
難道這不可疑嗎?

245
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,197
為什麼你要懷疑女性執行長

246
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:23,200
卻相信一個坐在暗處的男性剪影?

247
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,120
新聞快報,女人有臉了

248
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,621
這時

249
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,541
核心科技不管用的指控

250
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,127
威脅到救昇艇的存亡

251
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,173
眾人曾經看好的新創公司
是否會就此跌落神壇?

252
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,092
答案是,當然不會

253
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:44,472
救昇艇會拯救人類
並成為史上獲利最高的公司

254
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:49,518
敬請鎖定下一集的
《漂流救昇艇:波瑟芬妮的絕地大辯駁》

255
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:53,272
{\an8}本紀錄片劇集現在由伯恩斯影視公司製作

256
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,987
蒙哥馬利伯恩斯不滿意
關於他妻子新創公司的紀錄片

257
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,114
於是買下了拍攝紀錄片的公司

258
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,450
但這無法阻止其他人說出自己的經歷

259
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:08,704
因為製作企業紀錄片的事業利潤驚人

260
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,706
(《你只需要海水》)
(彼得傑克森執導)

261
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:13,793
我們找到了更多未公開的披頭四畫面

262
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,962
包含他們討論飲用水長達六小時的影像

263
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:20,382
水的厲害之處在於沒水就泡不了茶

264
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,551
可以用咖啡泡茶嗎?

265
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,637
可以用茶泡咖啡嗎?

266
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,139
各位,我們來演奏一下吧

267
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:32,102
為什麼他們叫水H2O?根本沒理由吧

268
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:35,773
(《瀕臨潰堤》)
(救昇艇命名權醜聞)

269
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,609
救昇艇在幾週前
不再付款保留他們的體育館命名權

270
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,610
(救昇艇體育館)

271
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,278
(FTX體育館)

272
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,780
(電影訂閱體育館)

273
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,198
(短影音平臺體育館)

274
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,574
(巴特斯與傑姆斯酒精飲料)

275
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,868
儘管救昇艇紀錄片供過於求

276
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,830
但某個敘事者拍出了引人入勝的最佳版本

277
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,416
他把這冗長乏味的故事變得稍微有趣一點

278
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,752
(《救昇艇:被拋棄的船》
肯伯恩斯出品之紀錄片)

279
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,808
(第一章)
(眼淚的鹹度)

280
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,018
神祕的吹哨人宣稱

281
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,397
波瑟芬妮的海水淡化儀器是騙人的

282
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,191
{\an8}救昇艇儀器不管用

283
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,651
{\an8}算他衰

284
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:23,612
{\an8}伯恩斯先生的法律團隊已取得

285
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,824
{\an8}吹哨人打臉公司訪談的原始檔案

286
00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,951
{\an8}儀器不管用

287
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:33,163
{\an8}喂,我說潛艇堡要烤過,這只有稍微熱過

288
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,500
{\an8}你們這樣對待吹哨人嗎?糟糕

289
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:41,422
伯恩斯先生和波瑟芬妮
現在知道是誰背叛了他們

290
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,508
而僱用一堆律師要告死荷馬辛普森

291
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,469
似乎很有催情效果

292
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,602
救昇艇律師團竭盡所能要傳喚荷馬出庭

293
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,563
控告他違反保密協議

294
00:14:59,064 --> 00:14:59,899
(傳票)

295
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:07,114
我爸收到一則匿名訊息說
他必須看某個東西

296
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,616
所以我跟著他去

297
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:13,370
我目睹的一切改變了
我以為永遠不會改變的事

298
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,538
我的想法

299
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,040
{\an8}(影片由花枝辛普森提供)

300
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:19,877
(零食)

301
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,378
(無油蔬菜脆片)

302
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:26,383
卡爾,訊息是你傳的
你一直都在實驗室裡工作嗎?

303
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:33,098
如果我不幹這些骯髒勾當
他們就會把我的祕密公諸於世

304
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:37,019
我看過七百場吉米巴菲特的演唱會
我是鸚鵡頭

305
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,688
《天堂的起司漢堡》

306
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,607
他們叫你做什麼?

307
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:46,028
我把「傑布膠」放進了救昇艇儀器

308
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,030
容弗林克說明一下

309
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:53,619
{\an8}相當受歡迎的「傑布」無糖汽水
在1970年停產

310
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,831
{\an8}因為汽水的人工香料有過重的甜味

311
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:03,253
{\an8}救昇艇買了數千箱未售出的傑布汽水

312
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:09,218
{\an8}因為傑布膠味道太重
足以完全蓋過海水的鹹味

313
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,344
天啊

314
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,138
這個儀器無法過濾掉鹽

315
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,516
而是用甜味掩蓋

316
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,976
這就是傑布膠的效用

317
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:21,689
海水進入儀器再排出後
喝起來就像一般的水

318
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,734
但當中含有的鹽量還是勝過
瑪格麗特度假村所有杯子上的鹽

319
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,860
天啊

320
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:30,698
救昇艇建立在謊言之上,波瑟芬妮是騙子

321
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:34,243
但她的商品品質很好

322
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:38,163
他們必須採取行動,所剩時間不多

323
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,999
攸關生死的發表日到來

324
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,043
救昇艇終於要在春田小學驗證概念

325
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,503
(由救昇艇救生)

326
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,465
學校飲用水已替換成救昇艇液體

327
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,926
也就是加入傑布膠的海水

328
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,595
救昇艇員工全都無腦聽命行事

329
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,932
現在他們要讓小孩喝這種水

330
00:16:56,932 --> 00:17:00,019
伯恩斯先生,救昇艇的水不安全

331
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,354
只是超級甜的鹹海水

332
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:07,234
亂說,我妻子是個點石成金的美麗天才

333
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,737
她說的一切也充滿道理

334
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:14,825
明日的轉輪是水循環,讓我們遇水發大財

335
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,368
兄弟...兄弟

336
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,789
你對那位女士的情感是新婚之愛
不是久婚之愛

337
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,082
但我們結婚了

338
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,918
對,但你還沒感受到結婚很久的感覺

339
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:31,258
那時你就會清楚看見你伴侶的缺陷
永遠無法忽視

340
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:32,843
你想暗示什麼?

341
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:36,096
我認為你必須用結婚很久的角度
去看你的妻子

342
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,057
水是最原始的加密貨幣

343
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,726
每一滴水都加密在生物區塊鏈

344
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,104
我們則是飲用水未來的水學家

345
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,732
這是第三代網「漉」

346
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:50,903
我聽不懂她說的任何一句話

347
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,863
現在你才算結婚了

348
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,032
既然你已經能明辨是非...

349
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,244
老天,那些小孩會喝下毒藥

350
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,664
更糟的是我要負起責任

351
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,625
負起責任

352
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:14,802
如果荷馬沒有把水閥關掉
這就是他們的下場

353
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,182
抱歉,我們只會把這段放進預告

354
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:25,813
你們知道要讓大家願意看
不是小鎮謀殺案的紀錄片有多難嗎?

355
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,481
拜託,親愛的,承認吧

356
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,942
妳的奇蹟發明只不過是胡言亂語

357
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:33,612
如果妳肯承認,也許我們之間還有機會

358
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,949
寶貝,根本的幻想技術還是行得通

359
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:43,288
這段難以置信且超級噁心的愛戀
在那個當下破滅

360
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:47,209
對,我當時愛得發狂
對她的詭計視而不見

361
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,752
她花了我數十億

362
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,629
重點不是她很邪惡,我很愛邪惡

363
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,422
(伯恩斯:就算海枯石爛、天崩地裂)

364
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:53,549
(我也愛著妳)

365
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,509
而是她堅持她沒問題

366
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,011
救昇艇終究觸礁

367
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:01,473
讓投資客和員工在有毒的海水

368
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,517
和交易對手風險官司中溺斃

369
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:08,021
{\an8}但直至今日,波瑟芬妮仍不願承認失敗

370
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:11,358
檢測顯示妳的海水淡化器毫無效用

371
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,860
妳的公司破產

372
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:16,780
離婚後,伯恩斯先生
莫名其妙得到了妳的高中同學

373
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,535
妳接下來有何打算?

374
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,287
克莉絲汀艾曼普,正如妳所說

375
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,289
公司前景好得不得了

376
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,582
我才沒這麼說

377
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,001
事實上妳坐牢了

378
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:34,715
克莉絲汀,我有說過
我祖父受困於救生艇上的故事嗎?

379
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,217
就連那個故事也是假的

380
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:40,470
她祖父沒有參戰,也沒有死在救生艇上

381
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:45,142
他是個註冊會計師
興趣是在維基百科上修正英式英語拼字

382
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,352
(劇院、中心)

383
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:50,772
(鋁、喜愛、正當)

384
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:54,234
我不僅錯過了千載難逢的新創財富

385
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,904
也失去了我遇過最棒的女人

386
00:19:56,904 --> 00:20:00,157
我本來想說幾個月後
她甚至可能跟我上床

387
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,535
在我們的紀錄片
《賣馬肉三明治的男子》中

388
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:07,080
看了你這麼久
終於見到你本人真是太好了

389
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,249
{\an8}(CM伯恩斯
夾了良駒珍饌的撒拉布列特麵包)

390
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,500
還有什麼想說的嗎?

391
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,253
只有這句話,不要可憐我

392
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,214
該是重建和重新征服的時候了

393
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,883
我深知自己有個特點

394
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,345
蒙哥馬利伯恩斯一定會從谷底翻身

395
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:50,332
{\an8}我們也有他們討論雨傘
長達九十小時的影像

396
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:52,167
{\an8}也許這也能做成紀錄片

397
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,254
{\an8}我曾經帶雨傘進浴室沖澡

398
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,589
{\an8}- 這樣怎麼洗得乾淨?
- 我沒洗乾淨

399
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,133
{\an8}但至少我不用脫掉衣服

400
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,929
{\an8}我一打開雨傘,雨就停了

401
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,889
{\an8}你需要加個天窗

402
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,934
{\an8}那你放在後車箱裡的超大雨傘呢?

403
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,687
{\an8}聽起來你在講雨傘象

404
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,398
{\an8}我們能回歸正軌嗎?

405
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,316
{\an8}等等,我喜歡這個說法

406
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,567
{\an8}「回歸正軌」

407
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:21,196
{\an8}我在馬戲團看過雨傘象
牠辛苦工作只能拿到花生

408
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:29,037
字幕翻譯:劉晏汝