♪ The Simpsons ♪
May I sample the Mango Mayhem?
Now you're gonna scream for ice cream, John Wick Four!
Actually, it's gelato!
The violence Mom won't let me watch is the best.
Damn it.
Whoa. Live violence.
Homie, wake up. There's been a car crash.
What's happening?
There's been an accident.
Ooh, let's go gawk.
Yeah!
Marge, are you using a charger cord as a robe belt?
Well, I lost my belt and Bart lost this phone, so--
What's that mark on your sleeve?
I used it as an oven mitt.
My Milhouse buys me a new robe every Christmas.
Ralphie bought me this chenille beauty with his tooth fairy money.
What, don't you like any of the robes your kids bought you?
They've never bought me a robe.
- The quintessential mom gift. - Wha-- Un-frigging-believable.
My kids give me homemade gifts,
like hand-turkeys and macaroni-covered... [stammers] ...stuff.
Sounds like they're just giving you their art class crap.
Feel this.
I like the thoughtful, artistic gifts my kids--
Oh, my God. That's plush.
Yeah, my robe is fine. It's just a little worn in spots.
Uh, one big spot in the back.
The top of my crack.
Oh. [stammers] Come here.
- Whoa. - Wow.
It's magical, but it smells like burning flip-flops.
Ow. Ow. My flip-flops.
Careful! Live wire on the ground!
Whoa. Thank you, Homer.
You da man!
Did you hear that? Kirk said I was "da man."
I mean, it sounded stupid the way he said it, but still...
Well, uh, if you wanna be "da man" for everybody,
you should post a warning about that live wire on Alarmist.
It's this app that alerts neighbors to local dangers.
Downloading now.
You film dangerous stuff and post it. You know, traffic accidents,
nighttime animals out during the day.
Uh, hello. This is Homer Simpson.
Username, uh, The Simp.
There's a live wire sparking on Evergreen Terrace.
Risk of electrocution: 1000%.
A thousand percent? My baby could have played with that wire.
He ain't born, but he's 'bout to be.
Congratulations. You're now part of the Alarmy Army.
Hey. I can barely read my name without my cheaters.
How do I get a bigger font like these guys?
Um, those are the top alarmers on the app.
You want your name in a readable font size?
- You better learn how to spread fear. - I'll do it!
I'll get to the top of this leaderboard if it's the most useless thing I ever do!
Bart, we need to talk about Mom's birthday present.
Finishing it as we speak.
Ta-da!
Uh, it might be time to retire the pasta art genre.
What? In my vital bucatini phase?
You heard what those judgy women said about our presents.
We need to buy Mom a present this year.
Where we gonna get money? Otto stopped paying for clean urine.
Hmm. Mr. Flanders is generous.
I've sold him so many magazine subscriptions.
Why Cat Fancy? His cat isn't even that fancy.
Yo, Flan-man. We're trying to make some scratch for our mom's birthday gift.
You need any help cleaning this mess up?
Sorry. I always keep my grass trimmed.
You know the old saying, "The lawn is the mustache of the house."
We get it. We just thought Mom deserved something nice,
but if you don't think so, hmm, that's cool.
Now, uh, hold on.
If, uh, you clean those two leaves on my sidewalk up,
I'll give you $44.
Both leaves? Ow.
Deal.
This store has everything.
This will make Mom feel cozy and loved.
And it'll put a sock in the yaps of those gossipy hens.
I'm gonna ignore the problematic "hens" because I support the sentiment.
Whoa.
Is it a toy?
Yes, but it's also gear.
It's got a pen that's actually a tape recorder,
an eavesdropping device that lets you hear conversations from miles away,
and when you get in a tight spot, sour-gummy cyanide capsules.
This could change everything.
Deep down, I know I'm the dingus.
Give me your lunch money or the whole playground hears you blubber.
You too, bow tie.
The eavesdropper could be so useful.
Okay. The meeting of the cool girls has been called to order.
It's been decided that the new cool thing is to wear earmuffs in warm weather.
So don't tell any randos bec--
Hey, guys.
Now Lisa's cool too and there's nothing we can do about it.
Yes. Cry, Sherri. Cry.
Mkay, just thinking out loud.
This kit is the same price as the robe...
- Are you suggesting that we-- - You know I am.
Say yes. Come on, Lis.
I need two keys to launch this missile.
Mom has never really been a gift person.
True. She's more into stuff like hugs and seeing us happy.
But we can't just buy a spy kit for us and nothing for Mom, I--
Bart?
Bart, we can't do this.
Would you like to apply for a Bullseye credit card?
I'm eight.
Yeah, you won't get it.
But if you apply, you get a free Bullseye ironing board cover.
We could buy the spy kit and give Mom the ironing board cover.
That's like giving her a whole new ironing board.
Give me an application. We'll give her two ironing board covers.
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
Uh, open my present first. I gotta hit the streets.
I have citizens to alarm.
Another charm for my charm bracelet.
That bracelet was the smartest investment ever.
No matter what the occasion,
I always know what you need: another charm.
You know me so well.
I better after however many years.
Open mine next.
Oh. An ironing board cover.
Yeah, 'cause, you know, you iron.
I sure do.
Open mine. It's in the Bullseye bag.
Mmm. Such clever wrapping.
It's another ironing board cover.
What do you get for the woman who has only one ironing board cover?
Thank you. Both of you. I love them.
I got to hit the road.
If I find just three more things to warn people about,
I'll move ahead of Cautionary Gale and Cry Wolfcastle on the leaderboard.
We'll help clean up.
No! I'll do it.
You guys have done so much for me.
Oh.
Enjoying your present, huh?
Don't play with it all day.
We'll know soon enough who broke this va--
Yellow Sparrow, this is Slingshot. Prepare for face-to-face discussion.
Roger that. Face is prepared.
This spy kit is great.
All the secrets of this house are being laid bare.
And Mom loves her present. She can't stop muttering about it.
We rule. Over.
Roger that. Over.
Inappropriate billboard near Noiseland Arcade.
Guaranteed danger of corruption. Keep children away.
Hmm. Whoa. Whoa.
Thanks for warning us about the vulgar wordplay, Simp.
"Itch, please."
Wait, I get it. Itch rhymes with bi--
No. Mom hates that word. Trust me.
One more post and I'll be top five.
Homer.
Religious fanatic running through town, possibly from murder scene.
Avoid outdoors.
I did it.
- Fanatic! - I'm number five.
I'm better than everyone.
Uh-uh-uh, your name is not Frink.
You are Frink's monster, you see?
Frink sad.
No, Frink's monster is sad. What is wrong with you?
All right, one of youse rats has been eating the pool chalk
and leaving chalky pellets all over the place.
No, no, don't look at each other. Look at me!
Hey! Steve.
Oh. Hey, Marge.
Hi, Ned.
Ooh, that's Mom.
What a party yesterday.
I don't usually take my water on the rocks.
I was buzzing all night.
Yeah, it was fun.
Oh.
Whoa. I didn't mean to bring on a peeper-puddle. What's wrong?
It's silly. I--
I'm embarrassed that my feelings were hurt by a stupid birthday gift.
Oh, now, feelings aren't stupid.
Some of them are evil, but they're not stupid.
It's just on my one day, I'm barely an afterthought.
It's like they don't think of me as a person.
I don't get it. Why is she so sad?
Bart, she's feeling unseen.
What? I always see her.
She's in my phone contacts three times, under Mom, Mommy and Sandwich.
She does so many things that we take for granted.
Imagine how we would feel if she half-tushied our birthdays.
What? I'd be fine if she only...
Oh.
We suck. Over.
Roger that. Over.
As of this morning,
I am number one on the leaderboard of the Alarmist App.
Look at that.
What? The broken sprinkler?
We need to warn people.
It could cause a sinkhole or activate a gremlin.
This is your Number One Alarmy,
with a warning that a geyser of water is pouring onto--
Huh?
Hey, someone named Silver Bullet already reported a "vertical tsunami at the park."
Whoa, that's good mongering.
I got scooped?
Silver Bullet is now Alarmy Number One.
What? Who is this guy?
Those fat fingers are too slow for the Silver Bullet.
Silver Bullet, your days are numbered.
Tell me something my doctor hasn't.
You smell like old lady.
So do you.
I smell like a lot of things.
We have to get Mom a new present. Something meaningful.
So, let's make a list of everything we know about Mom.
Yes. Great idea.
Mmm.
Hmm. Her first name is actually Margaret.
Good. Write that down.
Hmm.
Ooh, I know.
She loves coming to my jazz recitals.
Uh, no, she doesn't. She hides a copy of People magazine in the program.
Oh.
Why is this so hard?
We should know the woman who gave birth to us.
Maybe she's unknowable.
What if we just give her the spy kit
and breakfast in bed for the rest of her life?
Or, you know that trunk where Mom keeps all her memories and stuff?
What if we use the spy kit to break into it?
Oh, welcome to the dark side.
Huh.
Here we are.
I don't know if these lock picking tools are even gonna work.
I mean, this is just a toy, and--
Oh.
Now I'm concerned about those gummy cyanide capsules.
Mom's birth announcement.
Oh, her name is Marjorie. Not Margaret.
We officially know nothing about her.
Hmm.
Mom had a parrot named Petey?
Oh, they were best friends. Like me and Santa's Little Helper.
Not now, boy. Busy.
Look at this one.
Mom's parents must've given Petey away.
Hey, we just learned something about her. Grandma was a jerk-ass.
Wait. Parrots live for, like, 80 years.
Maybe we could find Petey
and then reunite Mom with her long-lost friend.
That would be like getting her a robe that tells you it wants crackers.
How do we find this lady?
Well, we need to go to North Townsburg.
Oh, that place is sketchy.
Milhouse's dad was a sign spinner for a meth clinic there.
But let's do it. For Margotie!
Marjorie.
Whatever.
Townsburg is three hours away?
Fine.
I'll just kick the seat in front of me until that little screw falls out.
That is so rude.
Well, you have to kick closer to the screw like this.
Great.
This place is depressing.
Isn't that the corner where Nic Cage went crazy?
Yep, there's the statue.
There's the mechanic's shop.
Let's do this.
Hey, grease stains. Seen this bird?
Yeah, I remember him. That's Krista's bird.
He in some kind of trouble?
We'll ask the questions.
What's the skinny on this Krista character?
Well, she owns the craft store down the block.
She also sells liquor and weed.
- Let's go. - Don't leave town.
But my niece's wedding is tomorrow.
I said, don't leave town.
Fine.
Hey, Shirl, it's Vince. I can't make it.
I don't know. Some kid told me I can't leave town.
I gotta get back to being Alarmy Number One.
Gotta warn people about... ...something.
Death from above.
Falling branches in Springfield Park. Stay away!
- My God, we have to get out of here. - I did it!
- What? - I'm Alarmy Number One.
Not for long, you toad-faced beanbag.
I will cut you into tiny pieces like my son's pancakes.
I'm gonna eat you up and crap you out like my son's pancakes.
The air at Springfield Park is full of pollen.
Individuals with lungs should avoid the area.
Lifeless bodies at the park. Possible gas leak.
Demented man throwing objects at the duck pond.
Chemical air attack at the play yard!
UFOs hovering over picnic area.
String-guided dragons, most likely time travelers, attack--
I saw the kites first, you big galoot!
Wh-- What happened?
Ugh, the earth couldn't support your giant ass.
Maybe Satan heard your voice and decided to fast-track you to hell.
Okay, we both got one in.
How are we getting out of this sinkhole?
I dropped my phone. Do you have yours?
No, just start shouting. Someone will hear us.
- Help! Save me, not her! - Down here!
Hurry. The dragons are coming.
Oh, yeah, Petey. He was smart as a whip.
Could imitate anything:
political figures of the day,
the "You Lose" horn from Price Is Right.
So many times, I thought contestants lost when they hadn't.
Why are you talking about him in the past tense?
Oh, I left his cage open by mistake and he flew away.
Last I heard, he joined a flock of wild parrots.
Oh, I guess we came all this way for nothing.
Stay in town.
But my daughter's wedding is--
Shirl. Bad news.
We failed Mom again.
We are losers.
Bart, it's Petey.
- How can we lure him down here? - Uh. Uh.
I've got it.
Bart, are you secretly recording me?
I'm on hold to talk about our water bill.
I-I'm sorry. No, I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to my annoying son.
- Got him! - Yes!
Annoying son.
Hello?
Can't any of you idiots hear us?
There's no one to save us. We scared everyone away.
Isn't that ironic?
I guess.
No, I'm asking. I don't know what ironic means.
Why did we get so crazy?
I was doing a public service.
I warned everyone that broken sprinkler would cause a sinkhole.
Bull-scat.
You were trying to move up the leaderboard. We both were.
Now we're stuck down here.
I miss the surface world.
Hey, you gotta share that.
We both need strength to fight off CHUDs.
Hell, no! My Werther's, my choice.
Mmm.
Yeah, yeah. You got candy in there. Stop showing off.
Are you choking?
Hang on. I'll save you!
Wait. Is this irony?
Ow, ow!
Okay. I'm doing it.
I can breathe.
Simpson, instead of mongering fear, you mongered--
Life itself.
Thank you.
This is the feeling I was after, not some stupid leaderboard.
I'm gonna help you get out of here.
Step in my hands. I'll boost you up.
Oh. There's so much to grab onto.
I'll tell everyone you're down there,
which will make me Alarmy Number One.
Suck it.
Hairless ground hippo stuck in sinkhole. And while...
She's horrible.
Mom, we have one more birthday surprise for you.
Oh, really?
We tracked down your best friend.
Petey?
Petey.
How-- How is this happening? How is this happening?
- Get it off! Get it off before he-- - How is this happening?
- Oh. Ugh. - Ew.
- Ow. - Bart, do something!
- Sorry. - We thought he loved you.
This is how he shows love. By grooming me and regurgitating on me.
I could never have friends over. He was so possessive--
Mine!
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
So why did you even get him?
I didn't. I wanted a kitten.
Our neighbor was giving away their parrot.
Since Petey can meow, my dad decided he was close enough.
Meow.
You're nothing like a kitten!
Don't worry. We'll take him back to Townsburg.
He's part of a wild flock there.
You went all the way to Townsburg?
We wanted to get you something, you know, personal for your birthday.
Yeah, we did not make friends on the bus ride home.
Petey is kind of racist.
Well, that's just--
We're sorry.
We didn't mean to re-traumatize you with your childhood nightmare bird.
My wonderful babies.
You went to all that trouble for me.
I wasn't an afterthought. I was a thought.
Well, yeah, 'cause, you know, we see you as a person.
We really do.
Our favorite person.
Oh, that is so--
Ow!
You little--
Who wants to help Mommy abandon Petey in Townsburg?
- We do! - We do!
Did anybody see what happened?
Marge, what a beautiful robe.
Is that terry cloth?
French terry. From the Terry province of France.
- Wow. - Oh, France.
My kids got it for me.
I just threw it on to see what that noise was.
I think it came from over there.
Look at the fullness in that sleeve.
What was that sound?
I don't see anything.
Meh. It's a mystery we may never know.
- Look at how it moves. - Poetry in fabric.
You better work!
Mission accomplished, over.
Roger that, over.
Shh!