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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}Hustle up, snot rockets!
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{\an8}Today, we start
a unit that will test your physical
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{\an8}and emotional endurance.
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{\an8}It will make men of you if you survive.
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{\an8}I speak of social dancing.
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{\an8}If we dance with girls,
that means we'll have to touch them.
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{\an8}My mom says only sheeple wear masks,
but I don't care.
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{\an8}Cooties aren't a hoax.
They're real!
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{\an8}Grow up! Maturity!
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{\an8}- Rite of passage!
- Ow!
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{\an8}- Change is beautiful!
- Ow!
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{\an8}You will learn the touchiest version
of the Texas two-step.
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{\an8}Like so.
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{\an8}Get real close, boys.
Body to body. No daylight.
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{\an8}We're gonna get cooties for sure!
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{\an8}I'm gonna find a way to protect us.
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{\an8}Everyone solo dance till I get back!
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{\an8}Perfect.
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{\an8}Quick, put these Band-Aids on your hands.
They'll block any and all girl contact.
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{\an8}Gimme, gimme, gimme!
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{\an8}Ooh, I don't feel so good.
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{\an8}These Band-Aids
smell like my uncle Claude.
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{\an8}Uh-oh.
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{\an8}"Transdermal nicotine"!
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Well, Bart, you've really wet
the mogwai this time.
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This wasn't my fault. I didn't know those
Band-Aids would make everyone crazy.
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You expect me to believe that?
Bart Simpson, the Prank King?
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The boy who live-streamed
my colonoscopy to the second graders?
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Hey, Ralph did find that polyp.
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It was benign, unlike your punishment.
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Oh, fine. Don't believe me.
No one ever believes me. Do your worst.
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Welcome to supermax detention.
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Your worst was did!
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Did you see that video
with the dancing Canadian boy?
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Yeah, cute.
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Did you see the unlikely animal friends
video with the ra--
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Raccoon and horse riding around.
Good for them.
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Mm-hmm, they'll do that.
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Ooh.
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Homer, we just got invited
to a wedding in the Poconos.
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It's a destination wedding.
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- Oh, God. No.
- What?
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{\an8}Let me educate you
about destination weddings,
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{\an8}or as I like to call them,
forced vacations.
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{\an8}You fly halfway across the country
to sit in a boring church, not on Sunday.
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Then you're stuck in a lousy hotel
for a whole weekend
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with a bunch of people you don't know,
or you do know, and you hate.
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And that's just the beginning.
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First, there's the welcome drinks
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where the "signature cocktail"
has a... [gags] ...cucumber in it.
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And this one's in the Poconos,
which sounds like islands,
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but it's just Pennsylvania.
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And you're forced to do
all these preplanned activities,
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like a zip line you're too fat to use.
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And they have to bring in
a telephone bucket truck to get you down!
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And at the after-wedding brunch,
everyone calls you Johnny Zipline.
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And they open the presents
in front of everybody.
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So they all know from the online
registry, yours is the cheapest.
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And it's all super expensive.
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So you have to waste
all the airline miles you got
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when your credit card
was stolen by scammers
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who bought $50,000 of printer toner!
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Of course. Yes.
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The toner miles.
We can use them to fly to the wedding.
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Oh, but my rant.
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Homer Simpson,
I can't think of anything more romantic
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than transporting ourselves to a magical
setting to celebrate a new love.
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We are going.
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There. Done.
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{\an8}Clean it again.
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This isn't fair!
I didn't do anything wrong!
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My only crime is I didn't wanna
do dancing with some stupid girls!
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Girls? That's why you're here?
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Be a man, boy!
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Don't fall apart over some lassie
with silky hair
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and a dimple you could get lost in
like a bottomless pit of sweetness that...
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Oh, that feels better.
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So, you wanna tell me about this girl?
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Take a seat.
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It all happened in Scotland, in me youth.
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There was this girl that I loved. Maisie.
I thought she loved me back.
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But she broke my heart.
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That's why I came to America,
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blighted land of "Barbenheimer-ing,"
wrestling believers,
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to forget the fickle lass
who let Willie down.
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And all women!
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I'm with you, brother.
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Who needs girls?
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Now we're rage-bonding.
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Men don't let men down.
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This is how we express emotion!
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♪ We're gonna have a good day ♪
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{\an8}♪ And all my homeys gonna ride today ♪
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{\an8}♪ And all these mommies look fly today ♪
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{\an8}♪ And all we wanna do is get by today ♪
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{\an8}♪ Hey, we're gonna have a good day ♪
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Willie, get your wheelbarrow.
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You won't believe what they threw out
at the hospital.
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Huh?
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Willie? Willie?
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Seymour! Willie's gone.
I can't find him anywhere.
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Willie disappears all the time.
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He's probably drunk in a ditch
on the outskirts of town.
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Oh, my God. Willie?
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And then there's all the creepy
wedding weekend hookups.
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Which lead to the next
destination wedding.
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Dad, snap out of it!
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Something's happened to Willie.
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Someone trashed his shack,
and I can't find him anywhere.
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- It's him.
- Bart, my wee bestie.
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I'm in Edinburgh. I need you.
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Help!
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Somebody kidnapped Willie.
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We gotta go to Scotland and help him.
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I'm the only person
who cares about him in the world.
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Homie, Bart's begged us
for a lot of things,
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but I've never seen this look
in his eye before.
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Not even when he begged us
for that neck tattoo of a rattlesnake
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with a hand grenade tail.
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But we can't just fly to Scotland.
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Marge, there is one way.
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No, don't say it.
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- I have to say it.
- No.
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The miles.
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But-But the Poconos.
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The miles, Marge. They're transferable.
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I know. I know they are.
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I guess we're not going
to that destination wedding after all.
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That's the building from Willie's call.
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Willie, where are you?
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Bart, is that you?
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I'll save you, Willie.
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I won't let those bastards--
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Pass you appetizers?
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Ah, Bart. You came. And just in time.
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In time for what?
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My wedding. Willie's getting married!
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Married?
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Welcome bags. Schedule of events.
Losers from home.
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New people I already hate.
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- This is a--
- Destination wedding.
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No!
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What the hell, boy? A destination wedding?
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You promised me a kidnapping or murder.
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Yeah, Willie, what the hell?
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On that call,
it sounded like someone was killing you.
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Oh, that was just Maisie
coming in for a snog.
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Give us a smooch, you big, ugly bawbag.
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Aw, haud yer whisht 'fore I boke.
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Maisie? Isn't that the girl
that betrayed you?
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Well, there is a bit of a story there.
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A love story. Ooh!
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Please say it's long.
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It's all in the welcome
cocktail slideshow.
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I was working for Maisie's da,
harvesting peat in the peat bogs.
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Burning peat is
what gives whiskey its distinctive flavor.
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And Willie could sniff out
the best bogs of them all.
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And that's how we met.
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It was a peat-cute.
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I was the happiest mud-smeller
in the world,
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but her family disapproved of me.
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They tried to shovel us apart.
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So we made plans to elope
and sail away together.
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But when I waited at the docks,
she did nae show.
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So I left for America alone and bitter.
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The reason I didn't show was my family
told me Willie was eaten by a sheep.
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But when I saw your TikTok,
I knew my love was alive.
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She slid right into me DMs.
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We started sexting right away.
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So I dropped everything
and came back
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{\an8}where the whole family was waiting
with open arms and an apology haggis.
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Oh, Willie, we cannae wait to shove
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that wonderful nose of yours
in the bogs again
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and take our whiskey
right back to the top.
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You know, Willie was the one person
who understood my anger.
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Now, it's like all our screaming
meant nothing.
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Yeah. Well, everything I hate
about these things is coming true.
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We just got here and the weird hookups
have already started.
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So, is there a Lunch Mr. Dora?
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Ew.
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Mom, how come Lisa doesn't have
to do all this lovey-dovey wedding crap?
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Well, your sister isn't best friends
with the school janitor,
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so she went off to tour Edinburgh
on her own.
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Okay, I rubbed the toe
of David Hume's statue.
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I climbed the Walter Scott monument.
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I ate something called a Scotch egg
which I very much regret.
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The Fringe Festival.
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A celebration of theatrical irony
and self-awareness.
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{\an8}One for Musical: The Play, please.
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{\an8}Sorry, darling.
This ticket booth is Ticket Booth.
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{\an8}A one-man show about a ticket booth.
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If you wanna buy a ticket
for Ticket Booth,
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the Ticket Booth ticket booth
is over there.
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It's so clever without being good.
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Thanks for joining us on our love hike
from Moorland Heath to Heathland Moor.
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And now, a gentle stroll
through the seven hills of Edinburgh.
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Oh. Why can't all hills go down?
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And look at all this cutesy
romantic crap they're forcing us to do.
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When am I gonna get some free time?
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Listen, mister, you're the one
who dragged us here,
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spending a lifetime
of frequent-flyer miles
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and I'm not gonna let you
ruin this for me.
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So how about you just suck it up
and do the cute activities?
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♪ If you find yourself caught in love ♪
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♪ Say a prayer to the man above ♪
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{\an8}♪ Thank him for everything you know ♪
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♪ You should thank him
For every breath you blow ♪
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♪ If you find yourself caught in love ♪
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{\an8}♪ Say a prayer to the man above ♪
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♪ Thank him for every day you pass ♪
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♪ You should thank him
For saving your sorry ass ♪
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Look, Lis. I'm gonna ask you for something
I've never asked before. Your opinion.
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You literally haven't said a word to me
this entire trip.
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Well, now I am, okay?
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Oh.
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Hanging out with Willie was the one time
I ever felt I wasn't the only crazy one,
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that someone understood me.
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And now he's gone goo-goo for this girl
whose family screwed him over.
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What do I do?
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Well, when someone gets a chance
to put an end to their loneliness,
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they gotta take it.
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Have you ever seen Willie this happy?
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Not even when Skinner got kicked
in the face at the Krav Maga assembly.
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So, be happy for his happiness.
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So, Maisie, tell me more
about your fairy-tale romance.
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You're like two Shreks in a swamp.
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Ach, it's the same old story.
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Numpty meets bird, they start to doggin',
get told each is deid,
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then reunite and pick right up again
with the houghmagandy.
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That's so romantic. Unlike... Ugh.
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{\an8}Hmm? Mmm.
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You know what? I'm making a toast.
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Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink.
Shut up, everybody.
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Look at these kids, so in love.
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When Homer and I first got together,
we were the same.
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We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
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00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:04,844
Now we just spend every night
doomscrolling our life away
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00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,681
and watching a squirrel surf
on the back of an alligator.
240
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,017
Marge, trashing our marriage
is something that should only be done
241
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,602
in the privacy of our home.
242
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:16,522
And that's our romance for the ages.
243
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:21,694
It began with a wild night
in a mini golf windmill. And now...
244
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,364
How can you say that?
245
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,283
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened
246
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,410
in the beheading room of this castle.
247
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,835
Bart, I want to thank you for bringing me
back to Maisie.
248
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:40,170
I've never been so happy.
249
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,172
You know, I think I get it.
250
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:46,844
Good lad. That's why I'm giving you
a very important role in the wedding.
251
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,179
You're going to lead the dance!
252
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,849
Ooh. A spiky American.
253
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:59,148
No! Men don't let men down!
254
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,570
Our cake.
255
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,032
Now what will you
shove in my gub?
256
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:16,373
You wee bastard. You ruined my wedding.
257
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,458
Good.
258
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,794
That's the only friend
that you made in America?
259
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,463
Aye.
260
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,635
My head.
261
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:30,262
Homie, what do you take for a hangover?
262
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,306
Huh?
263
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:37,645
Oh, fine. Be that way. For once,
I'm the one who spoke truth while drunk.
264
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,066
Oh, running away from a fight, huh?
265
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,320
Well, I'm still mad at you.
266
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,156
You told everyone
that I don't care about romance,
267
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:53,452
and now they think Homer Simpson
is vanilla in the sack!
268
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,622
Homer Simpson is vanilla
in the sack!
269
00:15:56,622 --> 00:16:01,251
Vanilla in the sack!
270
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,337
Bad at sex!
271
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:09,176
I can't believe I ever looked up
to that guy.
272
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,719
Stupid Willie.
273
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,932
Stupid Willie.
274
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:20,270
That nobody thinks he can be a MacWeldon?
Ha! All he's good for is his nose.
275
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,438
Once they're married,
276
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:25,401
Willie will sniff out a mother lode
of good peat.
277
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,319
And then, he's out!
278
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,823
And then Maisie can find a proper husband.
Not some floor waxing puke mopper.
279
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,369
This whole thing was a setup
to use Willie?
280
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,496
That girl doesn't even love him?
281
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,499
Why would you do that to my friend?
282
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,544
Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beasties
283
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:48,090
shouldn't stick their nebs
in other people's bizzo.
284
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:52,678
I have no idea what you just said.
Uh-- [stammers] But I get the context!
285
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,848
Let me out!
286
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,017
Oh, no. You're staying right here.
287
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,603
With your only entertainment,
this cribbage board.
288
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,776
{\an8}Hey, where are the pegs?
289
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,612
{\an8}Oh, they're in this little drawer.
290
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,205
Homer would never get how sweet this is.
291
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,375
How'd I wind up with the most
unromantic man on Earth?
292
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,255
Why is he texting me during a wedding?
293
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,383
Hmm?
294
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,892
They shouldn't be together but they are.
295
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,895
Oh!
296
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,110
Homer!
297
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,612
Marge!
298
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,199
Did you get
my gorilla-dolphin video?
299
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,869
It was so unlikely!
Just like us!
300
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,455
That's why I sent it to you!
301
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:06,126
I'm sorry I trashed our marriage
in a rehearsal dinner toast!
302
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:10,255
I'm sorry I was such a downer
about this destination wedding!
303
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:13,467
I should have just pretended
to go along with it like I do
304
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,053
with everything else in our marriage.
305
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:25,479
I don't care if our romance began
when we did it on a mini golf course.
306
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,523
It's still epic.
307
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:33,570
How epic would it be if we did it
on the best golf course in the world?
308
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,157
{\an8}You are so romantic.
309
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:40,035
{\an8}Fore... [whispering] ...play.
310
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,334
I gotta get outta here and warn Willie
311
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,754
that girl's just marrying him
for his nose. Ugh!
312
00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,260
Birdseed bags.
313
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,096
{\an8}Soap with Willie's face on it.
Sleep masks.
314
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,806
{\an8}Aha!
315
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:05,185
I, Groundskeeper Willie,
take you, Booze-maker Maisie--
316
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,521
Stop the wedding! Stop the wedding!
317
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:11,483
What are you doing, boy?
Why don't you want Willie to be happy?
318
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:15,279
I do. This girl doesn't love you.
319
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:19,158
Her family only brought you here
for your peat sniffing.
320
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,911
Pa, Hamish, Owen, can this be true?
321
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,621
Of course it's true.
322
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,498
You're just a nose to us.
323
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:31,003
We've got to compete
with all these celebrity booze brands.
324
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,964
From your tall, dark Clooneys
to your wee Danny DeVitos.
325
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,509
There's no room
for a passable entry-level scotch.
326
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:42,097
William, I didn't know about any of this.
I swear.
327
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:46,685
I'd love you even if you never sniffed
another bog as long as you lived.
328
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,104
I wish I could believe you.
329
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,772
I'll prove it.
330
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,030
You broke my sniffer.
331
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,865
You do love me.
332
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,159
Forever and a day.
333
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:05,829
I'll never smell nothing again.
334
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,331
Aw.
335
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:11,418
I think I get it, Lisa.
I understand love now.
336
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,685
{\an8}♪ Willie was a lonely guy ♪
337
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:32,940
{\an8}♪ Cleaning out toilets
And sawdust and puke ♪
338
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,651
♪ Watching as his life went by ♪
339
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:40,197
♪ His only friend was a 10-year-old boy ♪
340
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,699
♪ Maisie was a Scottish lass ♪
341
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:46,620
♪ Thinking that her love
Was killed by a sheep ♪
342
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,873
♪ Twenty long, long years did pass ♪
343
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,752
{\an8}♪ Then she saw him
On a Chinese social media app ♪
344
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,631
♪ Willie raced to Scotland
Simpsons had to follow ♪
345
00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,842
♪ Destination wedding
Homer full of sorrow ♪
346
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,513
♪ Bart was total raging
Marge got mad at Homer ♪
347
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:07,891
♪ Marge got really steaming
Got up at the wedding ♪
348
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,476
♪ Made a drunken toast ♪
349
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:13,272
♪ Lisa loved the festival
And you just saw it in this show ♪
350
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,982
♪ And we all love the musical ♪
351
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,733
♪ The wedding day turned out triumphant ♪
352
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,027
♪ This love song is redundant ♪
353
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:30,539
♪ Remember how we used to be
When our love was young ♪
354
00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:33,041
♪ Many golden memories ♪
355
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:40,716
{\an8}♪ Thanks mainly to the Internet
We can reconnect ♪
356
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:43,677
♪ We can love like 21 again ♪
357
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,266
♪ That unrequited crush at school ♪
358
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:52,853
♪ You can track them on the Internet ♪
359
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:56,356
♪ And while you're at it
You can buy dog food ♪
360
00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:59,818
♪ So convenient
It's the Internet ♪
361
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:04,906
♪ It all started on the mini golf
When the love was young ♪
362
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:08,076
♪ Many golden memories ♪
363
00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:15,792
♪ It all started in an old peat bog
With a dirty snog ♪
364
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:18,462
♪ Will and Maisie on their way ♪
365
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:27,804
♪ But the family wasn't having it
And then Willie split for the USA ♪
366
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:33,185
♪ Bart posted on the Internet
'Cause the world is small ♪
367
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,646
♪ Willie raced to Scotland
Simpsons had to follow ♪
368
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:40,442
♪ Destination wedding
Homer full of sorrow ♪
369
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:43,528
♪ Bart was total raging
Marge got mad at Homer ♪
370
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,238
♪ Marge got really steaming ♪
371
00:22:45,238 --> 00:22:48,492
♪ Got up at the wedding
Made a drunken toast ♪
372
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:52,287
♪ Lisa loved the festival
And you just saw it in this show ♪
373
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,997
♪ And we all love the musical ♪
374
00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:58,043
♪ The wedding day turned out triumphant
This love song is redundant ♪
375
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:05,884
♪ Remember how we used to be
When our love was young ♪
376
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:08,804
♪ Many golden memories ♪
377
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:14,559
♪ Thanks mainly to the Internet ♪
378
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:19,564
♪ We can reconnect
We can love like 21 again ♪
379
00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:28,657
♪ That unrequited crush at school
You can track them on the Internet ♪
380
00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:31,701
♪ And while you're at it
You can buy dog food ♪
381
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:34,287
♪ So convenient
It's the ♪
382
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,874
♪ So convenient ♪
383
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,298
Shh!