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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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It's the final lap
at the Springfield Little Grand Prix,
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{\an8}and the karts are tighter
than a royal corgi's collar
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{\an8}as they head into Lard Lad Turn!
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{\an8}We have contact!
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{\an8}Things are looking bloody grim for
the rising star of KF-1, Kids Formula One,
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{\an8}Lisa Simpson.
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{\an8}Simpson spins out.
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Look at that icy calm.
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{\an8}Clearly this pre-tween dynamo
has never felt a modicum of unease
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{\an8}in any automobile.
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{\an8}Dad, you're gonna hit the median!
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{\an8}All part of the plan.
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{\an8}Bart, soccer practice. Go, go, go!
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Whoa!
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{\an8}Goal!
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{\an8}Dad, please.
You don't have to hurry like this.
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{\an8}Cut me off? I cut you off!
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{\an8}He didn't cut you off! He's just driving!
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{\an8}Hope you like brakes
because today it's all-you-can-eat, baby!
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Ah!
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{\an8}Dad, stop brake checking him!
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{\an8}Speed bump, sweetie.
We're gonna get a little air.
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Argh. I hate when we're early.
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Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, as you know,
Lisa has been feeling a lack of control,
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which feeds her generalized anxiety.
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I know. I know it's getting worse.
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Her twitch jumped eyes.
She used to be a righty.
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Where will it jump next?
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Mom, do you have to do that now?
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I knit when I'm worried.
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Marge is our family designated worrier,
which frees me up to be the cool dad.
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Plus, I get some awesome worry swag.
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Marge made this when Bart
swallowed a nine-volt battery,
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and I had to track it with a stud finder.
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Well...
...I asked you both here today
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because Lisa made a significant
breakthrough at her last session.
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Oh, that's wonderful.
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Doctor, I can't thank you enough.
This is such a relief.
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Lisa, whatever it is
that's causing your anxiety,
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we will walk through hell to fix it.
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Well, Mr. Simpson, it's your driving.
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What did you just say to me?
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Well, Dad, you know, you can be
a little aggressive behind the wheel.
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I drive at the speed of traffic!
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You can at least listen to Doctor--
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Lenny thinks I drive cool!
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Everything is always my fault!
Well, two can play at that game.
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I say you're a terrible driver!
I'm much faster than you!
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Doctor, I'm so sorry about--
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You have some nerve putting
these thoughts in my daughter's head!
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Mr. Simpson, can we please continue
this conversation when you're not driving?
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Go around! Go around!
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Did you flip over?
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I'm not the one on trial here.
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Your trial is in two weeks.
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Hey, Doc. Great work with Ralphie.
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We can keep aluminum foil
in the house again.
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Uh, we'll pick this up later.
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Doctor, what can we do?
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Well, I have one idea.
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Here, we practice immersion therapy.
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We expose patients to their phobias,
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so their habituated response
can decrease over time.
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Monsters. Monsters all.
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So, he's afraid of germs on toilet seats?
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No...
...he's afraid of rotisserie chicken.
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Lisa, if we can use this exposure
treatment to get you comfortable in cars,
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that might help you overcome
your other anxieties.
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Okay, I'll do whatever it takes.
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Well, I must warn you, it won't be fun.
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By driving a go-kart,
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you can feel a measure of control
in your relationship with motor vehicles.
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I don't wanna drive!
Just put me back on the pills.
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No, wait. No pills.
They make me feel nothing.
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But my room has never been cleaner.
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But I never laugh!
But there's a calm in that.
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But the sound
of the grass growing is loud!
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Lisa! It's going to be all right.
Take a breath, and give it a little gas.
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No, I am not doing this.
I am putting my foot down.
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See? I could've killed a tire!
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Well, we tried.
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I am outta here.
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Gonna get this back
to the starting area and--
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Ooh. That wasn't so bad.
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Whoo! Zippy!
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We can try other approaches.
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They're making up
new therapies all the time.
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I really hoped
this one would work.
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It's working!
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I'm finally in control.
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Doctor, you cured her!
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We don't like to use the word "cure."
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But I'm okay with "miracle."
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Whoo-hoo!
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Johann Von Schwarzvalder III
cuts that turn
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{\an8}sharper than his mother cuts the crusts
off his egg and cress sandwiches.
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{\an8}He might hit 30 miles an hour!
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One small slipup means
a playdate with disaster.
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{\an8}Unsupervised!
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Kids Formula One: Karts of Thunder!
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Episode five: "Leadfoot Lisa."
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{\an8}After dominating local races,
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{\an8}Lisa Simpson will make her debut in KF-1,
the top international go-kart circuit.
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For the first time, race fans worldwide
will be able to witness
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Lisa's steely confidence on the track.
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I can't wait to get out there.
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For me, it's not about winning or losing,
it's about control.
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I used to be this big bundle
of worry and anxiety.
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But on the track,
the world is going so fast,
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yet I am in complete command.
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The stillness at the center of power.
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I feel it everywhere.
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The other day,
I got my first A-minus ever on a test.
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No biggie.
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Uh-oh, am I allowed to do that?
Will I lose more points?
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Does anyone have tape?
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Lisa is very good at her job
of driving around and around.
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Her unshakable demeanor
has everyone asking,
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"Where did this fearless phenom
come from?"
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Is she the scion
of a Greek shipping magnate?
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Or the scion of a Dutch shipping magnate?
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Just what nationality of magnate
is she the scion of?
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The truth is, she's from
an obscure racing backwater called,
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and I hope I'm pronouncing
this correctly, America.
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Her mother is a housewife with
no family fortune or rich dead husband.
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Her pathetic existence peppered only
with the mildest of victories.
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Found it!
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A life squandered.
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Lisa's father-- a bald, simpering,
morbidly-obese drain on society--
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has been sentenced to community service
for a reckless driving conviction.
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Am I going to look okay in this show?
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I don't see how.
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Candy!
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D'oh!
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And despite her Dollar Store upbringing,
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Lisa Simpson stands poised
for international glory
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in this fall's KF-1 karting season,
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which coincidentally will take place
in her hometown of Springfield.
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We are happy to welcome
these wealthy child racers
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and their smoking-hot trophy moms.
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Oh, yes!
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European racing teams
have descended upon Springfield
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and, as always,
the crew to beat is Italy's Team Dooshé.
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Their charismatic star is Paolo Paoletti,
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son of tracksuit mogul,
Fila Fendi Paoletti.
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{\an8}In the number seven
Children's Strength Tylenol kart.
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America is such
a wonderfully disgusting country.
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All the guns and the "bill-hillies,"
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and all the television shows
about Chicago, the fire, the police,
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the man-bear who makes the beef sandwich.
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Oh, Paolo love! Boof!
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In a setback
to their jet-setting lifestyles,
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Paolo and the other European go-karters
must attend public school
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under the watchful eye of broken,
faceless bureaucrats.
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I have a face.
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Even though these kids are impossibly
wealthy, I think they'll fit right in.
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They didn't.
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How do you know? It hasn't happened yet.
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But then it did.
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Hey, I ask for vitello alla caper.
What is this?
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Beanie Weenies.
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Why do you hate my mouth, huh?
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Why?
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Look at that sad foreign kid.
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He just needs a regular American
to reach out and take advantage of him.
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Is there some problem here?
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This rectangle lady
is trying to poison Paolo!
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Dry your eyes, Pinocchio.
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I'm the guy that can
make stuff happen around here.
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It just might cost you a little.
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Whatever it takes.
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I give you one of each color.
Purple, blue, green, purple again.
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Mmm.
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Finally, somebody around here
with a no accent!
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Bartolomeo,
you make Paolo so happy.
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You are Team Dooshé now.
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I make it rain on you!
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Boof! Boof! Boo-Boof! Boo-Boof!
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Gentlekids,
start your two-stroke engines.
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{\an8}I can't believe it.
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{\an8}My girl's first
international go-kart race.
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{\an8}Did you put on sunblock?
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{\an8}I'm in a fireproof suit.
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{\an8}Oh, your father's here!
He's finished with his community service.
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He can finally watch me race!
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I wouldn't miss seeing
my little Danica Patrick
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for all the Jolly Ranchers
in the piñata.
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{\an8}The kids never check the legs.
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Now, honey, I know they're going fast,
but I'm sure Lisa's safe.
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There's nothing to worry about.
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Oh, I'm not worried.
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Come on. You gotta be a little worried.
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Nope. I've seen Lisa race a dozen times.
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She's really good, and she's safe.
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But-But you're
the family's designated worrier.
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If you're not worried,
that means there's a worry vacuum
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00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,929
that I have to fill,
and vacuuming is also your job.
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Oh, my God. Look how fast she's going.
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I'm not concerned in the least.
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Then me am concerned in the most.
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I need the stress yarn.
203
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,441
Relax, Homie. She's winning.
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{\an8}Which means she's going faster
than everybody else.
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What am I even knitting?
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00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,698
Oh, it's golf club covers.
207
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{\an8}Boof!
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00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,086
Time for your bedtime sweet dream routine.
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00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,340
Here's your night-terror teddies,
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00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,719
and I'll set the night-light
to "boogeyman banisher."
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00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,223
Dad, I don't need all that.
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00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:08,644
I don't have anxiety anymore,
and I have you to thank for it.
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00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,187
- Me?
- Yes.
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Your unhinged driving made me face
my fears and get into go-kart racing.
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00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,361
This is on you.
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00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,908
My fault. All on me.
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It's me, Lisa-Mario.
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Whoo-hoo!
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00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:38,674
Thanks to my papa, I'm risking my life!
220
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And I'm a dream version of Milhouse.
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It's me, Wario.
222
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My bad parenting has led to your doom.
223
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Trauma bomb! Wah!
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It's me, Wario.
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It's all my fault. Wah!
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So, Paolo, you liking this vibe?
227
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,451
Not enough bass?
228
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,827
Too much bass?
229
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,746
Less bass is gonna cost.
230
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,168
Ketchup bottle service?
231
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:18,798
You make it just like Milan,
except here everyone is fat and ugly.
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Bartolucci, I love you.
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Here is money.
234
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,887
Excuse me, Signor Spaghetti.
235
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,347
There's somebody at the door.
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He's not on the list,
and he claims to be the principal?
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I am the principal.
238
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,480
Bart Simpson, I need to see you
in my office, which this is.
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00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:39,735
Bartissimo, this polyester-tie man,
he make me sad.
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Leave this to me.
241
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,198
Seymour, why don't you
take the afternoon off?
242
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,742
Here, get your mother's tires rotated.
243
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,829
That better not be a euphemism, young man.
244
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:54,291
Principal Skinner, I need some help
with the obituary for the class hamster.
245
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,795
Is the correct wording "died by suicide,"
or "of suicide"?
246
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:02,925
Oh, look, everyone. It's my archrival.
247
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,427
Oh, enjoy your one win.
248
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,847
You are only a flash in the pan.
249
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,766
I am the breaded veal in the pan.
250
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:13,978
Paolo will be atop the podium again.
251
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,522
I'm sure you will.
You're a terrific driver.
252
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,441
Oh, see how she mocks me?
253
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,819
Bart, I hate her and her whole family.
254
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,322
Say cruel things about this girl
so I may agree with them.
255
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,157
Well, I've never met her before,
256
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:30,286
but I can tell by her vibe
that she's an animal-kissing,
257
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,747
Wikipedia-editing middle child
who burps broccoli and farts tofu
258
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,792
and won't do her brother's homework
even for Euros.
259
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:43,382
And yet, this girl you
have no connection to, she beats me.
260
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:47,344
My thumb is raw
from all of the doing this.
261
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:51,640
{\an8}That's boof.
262
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,143
Coming, Mom.
263
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,896
I can't let you go.
264
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,731
Racing is too dangerous.
265
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,482
Dad, it's fine.
266
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,776
But I had a dream last night
that I was Wario,
267
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,738
and I bombed you off
of Rainbow Road into oblivion.
268
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:11,076
I'm not in danger just because you dreamed
a bunch of crazy stuff from Mario Kart.
269
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,870
What's Mario Kart?
270
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,372
I am going to the race.
271
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:17,499
It's my job to keep you safe.
272
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:21,211
You never cared about that
when you were driving like a maniac.
273
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:25,215
Well, through some miracle of therapy,
I'm in the driver's seat now,
274
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:26,800
and I'm enjoying myself.
275
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,596
And that's when you choose
to care about my safety?
276
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,348
You've summed up things perfectly.
277
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,766
So, you'll stay home?
278
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,101
No, I'm in control.
279
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,483
Marge, stop her.
I've never been more worried.
280
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,652
Well, I've never been more relaxed.
281
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,195
Hey, Mom. Can I drive?
282
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,863
Sure. Give it a shot.
283
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,200
No!
284
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:56,872
Today,
285
00:15:56,872 --> 00:16:01,877
the KF-1 karting season culminates
in a two-mile loop through Springfield,
286
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:06,924
a sad ruin once home to a thriving
nipple tassel manufacturing industry.
287
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,677
Stupid Dad worried about my safety.
288
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,554
{\an8}Remember the time he forgot me
at a Renaissance Faire?
289
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,015
{\an8}I had to get a ride home
from the Turkey Leg Wench.
290
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,477
{\an8}Oh, honey, your dad's not used
to being the one who's nervous.
291
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,146
{\an8}He just wants what's best for himself.
292
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,773
Thanks for flying out, Bippe.
293
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:26,110
I know Paolo cannot race
without his secret weapon.
294
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:39,456
{\an8}Aw, Bart. You remembered
that Paolo likes gelato,
295
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:44,795
{\an8}after I told you over and over
that I like gelato.
296
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:49,216
{\an8}You are my fratello
from another mamma mia.
297
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,177
{\an8}Oh, you must be Bart's new Italian friend.
298
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,929
{\an8}Well, good luck in the race.
299
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:56,557
{\an8}You're gonna need it
to beat Bart's sister.
300
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:03,856
Bart Simpson.
You are the brother of Lisa Simpson?
301
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,232
Uh--
302
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,359
Well, uh, only by blood.
303
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:26,420
..."Euro Trash"...
304
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,598
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday!
305
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:43,771
Bart, you break my heart
like snap the breadstick.
306
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,980
Boof.
307
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,029
You're not watching the race?
308
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,864
I'm too worried about Lisa.
309
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,157
My only daughter...
310
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,241
Uh, there's Maggie.
311
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,078
...is rocketing around
on a flaming death-mobile!
312
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,830
Why does no one else care
about Lisa's safety?
313
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,415
She's fine. See?
314
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,875
From the pole position,
315
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,753
Lisa Simpson
immediately takes the initiative.
316
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:11,215
What's "initiative"? Why does she have it?
Is it safe?
317
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:14,009
Stupid Team Dooshé.
318
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:17,096
Those Euro jerks forgot
to remove me from their text thread.
319
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,307
{\an8}"Sabotaggio"?
320
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,642
Sabotaggio?
321
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,186
Ooh. Is that some kind
of delicious, spiced ham?
322
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,772
It means they sabotaged Lisa's kart!
323
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,774
Oh, God. I knew she was in danger.
324
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,945
My overreacting is now just...
...reacting.
325
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,906
It's the final lap
at the Springfield Little Grand Prix,
326
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,826
and the karts are tighter
than a royal corgi's collar
327
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,911
as they head into Lard Lad Turn!
328
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:42,955
Perfetto, Team Dooshé.
329
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,666
You loosened all the bolts
on Lisa's kart. Boof.
330
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,421
We have contact!
331
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:56,385
In the storm, I am the calm at the center.
332
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:03,142
{\an8}Why is her wheel not falling off?
333
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,316
{\an8}Okay. Missing a wheel. No brakes.
334
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,652
Still in control.
335
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:17,447
Okay. Now I'm not in control,
but still calm.
336
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:20,450
Wow. I have a great therapist.
337
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,286
She's gonna die!
338
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,668
Marge, I learned my lesson.
I was right! Lisa's not safe!
339
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:40,971
Dad!
340
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,055
Don't worry, sweetie.
341
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:45,058
I'm gonna get you out of this mess
the way I got you into this mess.
342
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,936
By driving like a maniac!
343
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,107
Stay behind me!
344
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,904
{\an8}Aw, you're brake checking me.
345
00:19:56,904 --> 00:20:00,240
But now I'm brake checking with love.
346
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:08,248
I lose! This sport is stupido.
347
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:14,838
{\an8}And now I fade away to Ibiza,
to a quiet life as a beach deejay.
348
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:15,964
{\an8}Boof.
349
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,387
Dad, thank you. You've made me feel safe.
350
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,224
And I always will.
351
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,123
Shh!