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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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Yay!
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The age of dinosaurs was over.
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Aw.
Fiddlesticks.
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20,000 years ago,
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{\an8}Ice Age humans lived under
constant threat from deadly predators...
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{\an8}...freezing temperatures
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{\an8}and smells.
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Whoa.
- Primordial.
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For our ancestors,
survival required constant vigilance.
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Even the slightest distraction
could prove deadly.
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{\an8}What do you mean
I have to take the toys off our lawn?
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{\an8}I didn't even know
we had a homeowner's association.
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In our modern world,
true danger is rare.
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{\an8}Yet our Ice Age instincts remain
ever on high alert.
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{\an8}Fine. I'll pick up the toys when
you take your Christmas decorations down,
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{\an8}i.e., never!
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{\an8}Marge, the children are trying
to learn facts about the Ice Age.
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{\an8}Sorry, sorry.
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{\an8}As if the distant past
has anything to do with us.
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{\an8}D'oh!
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{\an8}There is literally nothing to eat here.
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{\an8}You know, there are some children
in this world who don't have enough--
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Bored.
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Bart, incredible news!
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You know how my dad got a job
at the sports arena?
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They were changing the floor,
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and he got trapped between the hockey ice
and the basketball court for two days.
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That's a double dribble. I felt it.
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When he agreed not to sue,
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they gave him four tickets
to see Violencia Gigante in concert!
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Oh, my God. Do you think
they'll do one of their songs about drugs?
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Hey, as long as they do the one
about drowning guys in prison toilets.
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"Baño muerte"!
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So, can I go to the concert?
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I don't know. You're awfully young.
What if you get jostled?
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Yes, I'm young, but I'm responsible.
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Really?
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Bart, save yourself.
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Okay.
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You gotta let me go to the show.
They rap in Spanish. It's educational!
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Say, Mom,
to inform your parenting choices,
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why don't you listen
to one of their songs?
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Great idea, Sis.
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Well, it can't be that offensive.
He barely says anything.
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Ha! He's playing the clean version.
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Here's the original
and the translation of the lyrics.
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She doesn't need to hear and see that.
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Oh, my.
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Oh, my God.
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There's no way you're going
to that concert. I forbid it.
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Why did you sell me out?
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Great question.
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Why'd I do it, mutilated Malibu Stacy
with melted-on dog toy for head?
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Van Houten residence.
Breadwinner speaking.
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Luann, just the young woman
I wanted to talk to.
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I was really hoping
you could convince my mom
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that it's okay for me to go
to this concert with Milhouse.
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Oh, I'm sorry, Bart.
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There must have been a misunderstanding.
You're not invited.
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But Milhouse said I was.
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That was before you coerced my son
into misbehaving on his field trip.
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But you don't understand.
I really wanna go.
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My parenting group workshopped the most
compassionate way for me to phrase this:
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Bart, you're a bad friend
and you're beyond hope. Be well.
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Luann said what to you?
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That I'm a bad friend and I'm beyond hope.
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How dare she!
After all the times we've let her--
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I'm just gonna say it--
dweeb of a son dweeb it up in our house.
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Always making me watch him moonwalk,
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and if I don't clap,
he hides in the bathroom.
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No one "uninvites" my son
to the concert he's not allowed to go to.
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Get up. You and I are gonna go
have a little chat with the Van Houtens.
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Ask your father to come watch the kids.
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Took you long enough.
What did you do, crawl here?
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I had to walk in the rain. Ooh.
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Yeah, yeah. You're a real hero.
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Did you think for one second
how your words would make Bart feel?
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Everything I said was true, Marge.
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Oh, boy.
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Was it?
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Oh, here we go.
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You know how Bart is.
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No, I don't.
Why don't you tell me how my son is?
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Oh, man.
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It is so on.
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Bart and Milhouse
have had their issues in the past,
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but we all thought Bart would get better.
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He's getting worse, Marge.
It's just a fact.
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Did you hear that, Homer?
Our son is getting worse.
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That's so good to know.
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Um, if I could just
turn the heat down a little bit here,
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I think what Luann
is trying to say, Marge,
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is that nobody thinks
that you're a bad mother.
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"Bad mother"?
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Marge is the greatest mother on Earth.
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She mothers circles around you,
freaky attachment parenting,
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co-sleeping, co-bathing psychos!
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Let's go.
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It's clear these people have
an all-consuming vendetta against our son.
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I need you
to buy Bart four concert tickets.
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On the floor. First ten rows.
I don't care how much they cost.
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I-- I thought you didn't want Bart to go.
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If that woman wants a fight,
she's gonna get one.
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Nothing. Still nothing.
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Nope.
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Nada.
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Y-- Nope.
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- Did you find amazing seats for Bart?
- Not yet.
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And I'm checking Stub Dork, Seat Dweeb,
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Ticket Chump, Venue Idiot.
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Don't give up, or our son dies
socially amongst his peers.
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Row 30, not good enough.
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Nothing. Still nothing.
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Finger cramping.
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Pain moderate, but worth mentioning.
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You got the tickets!
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It's a VIP package
with admission to The Front Row Club.
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Look, here's a video
of the Beckham kids throwing up in it.
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Oh, Homer, you actually did it.
Bart is saved!
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So I figured before the concert
we'll pregame at my pad.
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Take some edibles: Goldfish, pretzel nubs.
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- All right!
- Fire!
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So dope.
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Looking forward to the big show, guys?
Good for you.
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Hey, if I can see your seats
from where I'm sitting--
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The Front Row Club--
I'll shoot you a wave.
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The Front Row Club?
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That's a perk usually reserved
for industry insiders.
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I wanted to ask you three to come with
but I'm sure you'd say no.
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You're doing the right thing,
sticking with your buddy Milhouse.
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It's hard
but that's how you build character.
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No! You guys can't bail
just 'cause he has way better seats.
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Milhouse, don't feel bad
about the bailing.
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Just feel happy that, for a few days,
I pretended to like you for your tickets.
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I'll take my "ha ha" now.
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Mom, are you okay?
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I'm better than okay.
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{\an8}I spent money we don't have
to show who's the better mother.
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Love it.
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Why don't you do something for me?
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Take a deep breath in.
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Oh, boy. Yeah, that's what I thought.
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Mom, your primitive brain
is running the show right now.
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One of your cubs, if you will,
has been threatened,
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but in a 21st-century sort of way.
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In response, your body has entered a state
of arousal called "fight-or-flight."
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I'm not in a state.
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These are my calm veins.
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Remember, you have access
to higher brain function.
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So, breathe in the expensive candle,
exhale the tension.
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There is no threat.
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Your cubs are safe.
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Smell the "Fresh Morning Airport"?
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Ew.
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There's no threat.
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Bart is okay.
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That's right.
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No need to fight or flee.
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No threat.
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No threat at all.
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{\an8}We have a motion from a concerned parent
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to ban all books
about fallen women from the library.
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{\an8}So, motion denied.
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I'm pulling my boy from this school.
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It didn't have to go down like this.
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I move to dismiss Marge Simpson
from this board for bullying my son.
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Bullying? You wanna talk about bullying?
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She went out of her way to make my son
feel excluded, less than and othered.
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That's the worst thing there be.
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{\an8}Look at what her son did to the
third grade production of West Side Story.
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Butts!
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That's the kind of behavior
you learn in the home.
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You're criticizing my home?
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You ever been to her dusty house?
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You think nature abhors a vacuum.
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Look up the word "no", Marge.
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Trust me, it can do wonders with children.
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Well, you could learn how
to say "yes" to a lice comb.
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She grocery shops at the Kwik-E-Mart.
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Swedish Fish are not a protein.
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At least Bart likes my lunches.
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Milhouse is the most frequent lunch trader
in the cafeteria.
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That is a lie.
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I pack an extra lunch for Milhouse
because I feel sorry for him.
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Okay, a lot of big feelings.
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I do love mess.
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This isn't over.
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Not by a long shot, sister.
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Oh, my God.
Look who Milhouse had to bring.
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Kindergartners.
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You said we were going to see CoComelon.
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Evening, ma'am. What brings you here?
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Parking, I bet.
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We're in The Front Row Club.
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{\an8}I believe parking is included.
197
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Oh, we don't accept paper tickets.
198
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,985
You have to use the app.
199
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,069
What app?
200
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,614
The app it says you're required to use.
201
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,409
Right here on this
piece of paper that is not a ticket.
202
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,953
Homer, the mustache man who has every job
203
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,664
says we need the app you used
to buy the tickets.
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00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,834
Oh, I deleted that app
the second I printed them out.
205
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,502
Can I download the app?
206
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,254
Well, you'll need his password.
207
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,548
Oh, it's in my password wallet.
208
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,258
But I deleted that too.
209
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,260
Why do you keep deleting apps?
210
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:33,265
I like the way they jiggle
in fear right before you drop the hammer.
211
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,687
Come on, homeslice.
212
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It's your pick.
213
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Are you with Kirk?
214
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,611
Um, well, it's our fantasy football draft.
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00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,113
After everything those people
have done to Bart?
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00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,782
Traitor.
217
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,617
You are dead to me.
218
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Pull forward and turn your car around.
219
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Pally.
220
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,531
Aw, you can't get in?
221
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:34,451
Well, don't worry, we'll post pics
so Bart can see all the fun he's missing.
222
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,383
Have you lost your mind?
223
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,051
I'm going to save you.
224
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,761
How is this saving me?
225
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,160
Follow me!
226
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,101
Wait!
227
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Tickets, please.
228
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:01,038
Some of these people
are carrying outside food.
229
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,207
Outside food! Outside food!
230
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We're either leaving here
in $50 T-shirts or handcuffs.
231
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:27,981
Perhaps a third course of action
will present itself--
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00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,569
Whoa!
233
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,909
Look, guys, we made it.
234
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,245
The Front Row Club!
235
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,621
Maybe you should take us home.
236
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,499
I don't think anybody's that psyched
for the concert anymore.
237
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,583
Go home?
238
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,252
And let Luann win?
239
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,546
Why don't you ask
that lady what she thinks?
240
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:54,758
Now you know what we're all thinking.
241
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,927
Not me. I'm cool with you.
242
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:00,305
Oh, sweetie. I'm so, so sorry.
243
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,267
I've just been feeling
a whole range of emotions:
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anger, rage, fury, even miffed.
245
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:12,442
{\an8}But I swear it was all because I never
want anything bad to ever happen to you.
246
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I can handle bad.
247
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,488
I can't handle losing
the one good parent I've got.
248
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,988
Why couldn't you just let me invite Bart?
249
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,617
Oh, honey, but think of how jealous
and miserable he must be right now.
250
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,243
Isn't that satisfying?
251
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,745
Mostly isn't.
252
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:10,083
I know Bart's a bad influence, but he's
the only kid who wants to influence me.
253
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,002
He's all I got.
254
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:16,131
{\an8}The Front Row Club won't
be much fun without Bart's best friend.
255
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,123
Shh!