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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}[stomping]
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{\an8}[roars]
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{\an8}[all] Yay!
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{\an8}[narrator] The age of dinosaurs was over.
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{\an8}- [all] Aw.
- [child] Fiddlesticks.
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{\an8}[narrator] 20,000 years ago,
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{\an8}Ice Age humans lived under
constant threat from deadly predators...
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{\an8}[animal roars]
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{\an8}...freezing temperatures
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{\an8}and smells.
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{\an8}- [all] Whoa.
- Primordial.
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{\an8}[narrator] For our ancestors,
survival required constant vigilance.
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Even the slightest distraction
could prove deadly.
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{\an8}What do you mean
I have to take the toys off our lawn?
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{\an8}I didn't even know
we had a homeowner's association.
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{\an8}[narrator] In our modern world,
true danger is rare.
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{\an8}Yet our Ice Age instincts remain
ever on high alert.
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{\an8}Fine. I'll pick up the toys when
you take your Christmas decorations down,
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{\an8}i.e., never!
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{\an8}Marge, the children are trying
to learn facts about the Ice Age.
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{\an8}Sorry, sorry.
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{\an8}As if the distant past
has anything to do with us.
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{\an8}D'oh!
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{\an8}[speaks caveman language]
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{\an8}- [stomach growls]
- [Bart groans]
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{\an8}[hisses]
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[growls]
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{\an8}There is literally nothing to eat here.
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{\an8}You know, there are some children
in this world who don't have enough--
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Bored.
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Bart, incredible news!
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You know how my dad got a job
at the sports arena?
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They were changing the floor,
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and he got trapped between the hockey ice
and the basketball court for two days.
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That's a double dribble. I felt it.
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When he agreed not to sue,
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they gave him four tickets
to see Violencia Gigante in concert!
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Oh, my God. Do you think
they'll do one of their songs about drugs?
40
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Hey, as long as they do the one
about drowning guys in prison toilets.
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"Baño muerte"!
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So, can I go to the concert?
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I don't know. You're awfully young.
What if you get jostled?
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Yes, I'm young, but I'm responsible.
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Really?
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[Bart grunts]
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Bart, save yourself.
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Okay.
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You gotta let me go to the show.
They rap in Spanish. It's educational!
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Say, Mom,
to inform your parenting choices,
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why don't you listen
to one of their songs?
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Great idea, Sis.
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[Spanish rapping on phone]
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Well, it can't be that offensive.
He barely says anything.
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Ha! He's playing the clean version.
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Here's the original
and the translation of the lyrics.
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She doesn't need to hear and see that.
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- [music plays through earphones]
- Oh, my.
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Oh, my God.
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[exclaims in Spanish]
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There's no way you're going
to that concert. I forbid it.
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Why did you sell me out?
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Great question.
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Why'd I do it, mutilated Malibu Stacy
with melted-on dog toy for head?
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[phone buzzes]
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Van Houten residence.
Breadwinner speaking.
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Luann, just the young woman
I wanted to talk to.
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I was really hoping
you could convince my mom
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that it's okay for me to go
to this concert with Milhouse.
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Oh, I'm sorry, Bart.
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There must have been a misunderstanding.
You're not invited.
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But Milhouse said I was.
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That was before you coerced my son
into misbehaving on his field trip.
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But you don't understand.
I really wanna go.
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My parenting group workshopped the most
compassionate way for me to phrase this:
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Bart, you're a bad friend
and you're beyond hope. Be well.
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[scoffs, groans]
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[animal growls]
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[growls]
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[Ice Age Bart screams]
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[Ice Age Bart whimpers]
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[Ice Age Marge grunting, panting]
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- [Ice Age Marge growling]
- [wolf yelps]
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[whimpers]
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Luann said what to you?
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That I'm a bad friend and I'm beyond hope.
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[Marge growls, pants]
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How dare she!
After all the times we've let her--
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I'm just gonna say it--
dweeb of a son dweeb it up in our house.
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Always making me watch him moonwalk,
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and if I don't clap,
he hides in the bathroom.
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No one "uninvites" my son
to the concert he's not allowed to go to.
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Get up. You and I are gonna go
have a little chat with the Van Houtens.
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Ask your father to come watch the kids.
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[stomachs growl]
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[Ice Age Grampa sings in caveman language]
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[knocking on door]
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Took you long enough.
What did you do, crawl here?
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I had to walk in the rain. Ooh.
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Yeah, yeah. You're a real hero.
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Did you think for one second
how your words would make Bart feel?
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Everything I said was true, Marge.
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Oh, boy.
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Was it?
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Oh, here we go.
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You know how Bart is.
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No, I don't.
Why don't you tell me how my son is?
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Oh, man.
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It is so on.
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Bart and Milhouse
have had their issues in the past,
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but we all thought Bart would get better.
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He's getting worse, Marge.
It's just a fact.
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Did you hear that, Homer?
Our son is getting worse.
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That's so good to know.
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Um, if I could just
turn the heat down a little bit here,
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I think what Luann
is trying to say, Marge,
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is that nobody thinks
that you're a bad mother.
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"Bad mother"?
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Marge is the greatest mother on Earth.
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She mothers circles around you,
freaky attachment parenting,
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co-sleeping, co-bathing psychos!
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Let's go.
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It's clear these people have
an all-consuming vendetta against our son.
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[Luann gasps]
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I need you
to buy Bart four concert tickets.
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On the floor. First ten rows.
I don't care how much they cost.
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I-- I thought you didn't want Bart to go.
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If that woman wants a fight,
she's gonna get one.
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[wolf howls]
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[growls]
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Nothing. Still nothing.
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Nope.
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Nada.
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Y-- Nope.
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- Did you find amazing seats for Bart?
- Not yet.
136
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And I'm checking Stub Dork, Seat Dweeb,
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Ticket Chump, Venue Idiot.
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Don't give up, or our son dies
socially amongst his peers.
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[grunting]
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Row 30, not good enough.
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Nothing. Still nothing.
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Finger cramping.
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Pain moderate, but worth mentioning.
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[panting]
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[grunts]
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[cheers]
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- [phone beeps]
- [Homer cheering over phone]
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You got the tickets!
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It's a VIP package
with admission to The Front Row Club.
150
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Look, here's a video
of the Beckham kids throwing up in it.
151
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Oh, Homer, you actually did it.
Bart is saved!
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So I figured before the concert
we'll pregame at my pad.
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Take some edibles: Goldfish, pretzel nubs.
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- All right!
- Fire!
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So dope.
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Looking forward to the big show, guys?
Good for you.
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Hey, if I can see your seats
from where I'm sitting--
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The Front Row Club--
I'll shoot you a wave.
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The Front Row Club?
160
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That's a perk usually reserved
for industry insiders.
161
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I wanted to ask you three to come with
but I'm sure you'd say no.
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You're doing the right thing,
sticking with your buddy Milhouse.
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It's hard
but that's how you build character.
164
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No! You guys can't bail
just 'cause he has way better seats.
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Milhouse, don't feel bad
about the bailing.
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Just feel happy that, for a few days,
I pretended to like you for your tickets.
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I'll take my "ha ha" now.
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[humming]
169
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Mom, are you okay?
170
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I'm better than okay.
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{\an8}I spent money we don't have
to show who's the better mother.
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Love it.
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Why don't you do something for me?
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Take a deep breath in.
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[growls]
176
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Oh, boy. Yeah, that's what I thought.
177
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Mom, your primitive brain
is running the show right now.
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One of your cubs, if you will,
has been threatened,
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but in a 21st-century sort of way.
180
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In response, your body has entered a state
of arousal called "fight-or-flight."
181
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I'm not in a state.
182
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These are my calm veins.
183
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:55,696
Remember, you have access
to higher brain function.
184
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:06,957
So, breathe in the expensive candle,
exhale the tension.
185
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,127
There is no threat.
186
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Your cubs are safe.
187
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Smell the "Fresh Morning Airport"?
188
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Ew.
189
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There's no threat.
190
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Bart is okay.
191
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,682
That's right.
192
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No need to fight or flee.
193
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,436
No threat.
194
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,063
[Lisa shrieks]
195
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,399
No threat at all.
196
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,067
[chuckles]
197
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,952
{\an8}We have a motion from a concerned parent
198
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:47,790
to ban all books
about fallen women from the library.
199
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,043
{\an8}So, motion denied.
200
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,546
I'm pulling my boy from this school.
201
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,464
It didn't have to go down like this.
202
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,718
[growls]
203
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:03,264
I move to dismiss Marge Simpson
from this board for bullying my son.
204
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,390
[crowd gasps]
205
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,227
[growls, pants]
206
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,814
[wolf growls]
207
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:18,320
[children whimper]
208
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,166
Bullying? You wanna talk about bullying?
209
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:35,629
She went out of her way to make my son
feel excluded, less than and othered.
210
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:36,881
[crowd gasps]
211
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,967
That's the worst thing there be.
212
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,177
[wolf roars, whimpers]
213
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,972
[both growl]
214
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,227
{\an8}Look at what her son did to the
third grade production of West Side Story.
215
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,729
- [crowd exclaims]
- [person] Butts!
216
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,732
That's the kind of behavior
you learn in the home.
217
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,400
[growls]
218
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,403
You're criticizing my home?
219
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,489
You ever been to her dusty house?
220
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,908
You think nature abhors a vacuum.
221
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,409
[Ice Age Marge grunts]
222
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,703
Look up the word "no", Marge.
223
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,830
Trust me, it can do wonders with children.
224
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,082
- [wolf growls]
- [Ice Age Marge grunts]
225
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:15,586
Well, you could learn how
to say "yes" to a lice comb.
226
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,839
She grocery shops at the Kwik-E-Mart.
227
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,175
Swedish Fish are not a protein.
228
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:24,261
At least Bart likes my lunches.
229
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:27,890
Milhouse is the most frequent lunch trader
in the cafeteria.
230
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,975
[wolf whimpers, growls]
231
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,644
That is a lie.
232
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:38,067
I pack an extra lunch for Milhouse
because I feel sorry for him.
233
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,737
[Ice Age Homer grunts, growls]
234
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:44,240
[both grunt]
235
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:54,041
Okay, a lot of big feelings.
236
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,085
I do love mess.
237
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,336
This isn't over.
238
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,256
Not by a long shot, sister.
239
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:26,907
[horns honking]
240
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:33,455
Oh, my God.
Look who Milhouse had to bring.
241
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,374
Kindergartners.
242
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,585
[kindergartner cries]
243
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,379
You said we were going to see CoComelon.
244
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,809
Evening, ma'am. What brings you here?
245
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:54,894
Parking, I bet.
246
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,937
We're in The Front Row Club.
247
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,148
{\an8}I believe parking is included.
248
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,525
Oh, we don't accept paper tickets.
249
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,985
You have to use the app.
250
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,069
What app?
251
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,614
The app it says you're required to use.
252
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,409
Right here on this
piece of paper that is not a ticket.
253
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,953
Homer, the mustache man who has every job
254
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,664
says we need the app you used
to buy the tickets.
255
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,834
Oh, I deleted that app
the second I printed them out.
256
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,502
Can I download the app?
257
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,254
Well, you'll need his password.
258
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,548
Oh, it's in my password wallet.
259
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,258
But I deleted that too.
260
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,260
Why do you keep deleting apps?
261
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:33,265
I like the way they jiggle
in fear right before you drop the hammer.
262
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,687
[Kirk] Come on, homeslice.
263
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:39,772
It's your pick.
264
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,941
Are you with Kirk?
265
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,611
Um, well, it's our fantasy football draft.
266
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,113
After everything those people
have done to Bart?
267
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,782
[gasps] Traitor.
268
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,617
You are dead to me.
269
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,956
[wolf growls]
270
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,128
[Ice Age Homer screams]
271
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,257
[groans]
272
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,220
[shouts]
273
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,652
Pull forward and turn your car around.
274
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,737
Pally.
275
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,531
Aw, you can't get in?
276
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:34,451
Well, don't worry, we'll post pics
so Bart can see all the fun he's missing.
277
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,328
[wolf growls]
278
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,248
[both growl]
279
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,006
[children scream]
280
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,383
Have you lost your mind?
281
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,051
I'm going to save you.
282
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,761
How is this saving me?
283
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,888
[grunts]
284
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,777
[children scream]
285
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,160
Follow me!
286
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,593
[strains]
287
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,101
- [children yelp]
- Wait!
288
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,367
Tickets, please.
289
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:01,038
Some of these people
are carrying outside food.
290
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,207
Outside food! Outside food!
291
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,418
[patron screams]
292
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:24,228
We're either leaving here
in $50 T-shirts or handcuffs.
293
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:27,981
Perhaps a third course of action
will present itself-- [screams]
294
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,569
[children] Whoa!
295
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,909
Look, guys, we made it.
296
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,245
The Front Row Club!
297
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,621
Maybe you should take us home.
298
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,499
I don't think anybody's that psyched
for the concert anymore.
299
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,583
Go home?
300
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,252
And let Luann win?
301
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,546
Why don't you ask
that lady what she thinks?
302
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,006
[groans]
303
00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:54,758
Now you know what we're all thinking.
304
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:56,927
Not me. I'm cool with you.
305
00:18:56,927 --> 00:19:00,305
Oh, sweetie. I'm so, so sorry.
306
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,267
I've just been feeling
a whole range of emotions:
307
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,812
anger, rage, fury, even miffed.
308
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:12,442
{\an8}But I swear it was all because I never
want anything bad to ever happen to you.
309
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,610
I can handle bad.
310
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:16,488
I can't handle losing
the one good parent I've got.
311
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,619
[growling]
312
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,211
[wolf whimpering]
313
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,427
[shouts, strains]
314
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,988
Why couldn't you just let me invite Bart?
315
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:01,617
Oh, honey, but think of how jealous
and miserable he must be right now.
316
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,243
Isn't that satisfying?
317
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,745
Mostly isn't.
318
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:10,083
I know Bart's a bad influence, but he's
the only kid who wants to influence me.
319
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,002
He's all I got.
320
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:16,131
{\an8}The Front Row Club won't
be much fun without Bart's best friend.
321
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,307
[wolf whining]
322
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,437
[wolf panting]
323
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,123
Shh!