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{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}Ugh. Can you just... Never mind.
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{\an8}What's up with Blue Tip and Starfish?
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{\an8}Oh, those two have been fighting
like Don Draper and Pete Campbell
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{\an8}after they lost the Lucky Strike account.
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{\an8}What? Krusty's in reruns.
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{\an8}Lisa and I weren't fighting.
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{\an8}It was just a series of calm,
constructive conversations.
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{\an8}What? That's not how I remember it.
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{\an8}Lisa was like...
..."I hate this town. Everyone's stupid!"
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{\an8}And you were like...
..."Lisa is driving me crazy.
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{\an8}We should send her to Capital City
with my sisters for the weekend."
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{\an8}That may not be word for word.
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{\an8}Train for Capital City leaving
in five minutes.
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{\an8}Please wrap up all family arguments
and bid a quiet poignant goodbye.
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{\an8}All aboard!
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{\an8}Bye, Lisa, and have a great time
in the city with your aunties.
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{\an8}I got you a little snack for the train.
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{\an8}Mom! You know
Apple Zoom is full of chemicals!
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{\an8}And it's owned by...
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{\an8}Thanks, Mom.
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{\an8}I'm glad I don't have a daughter.
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Wow.
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{\an8}Capital City!
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God, there's just so much
I wanna see and do here.
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The Museum of Modern Museums.
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The Prussian Coffee Room.
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The Unidentified State Building.
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{\an8}Oh, and tomorrow
is the Highbrow Artists Parade.
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But the thing I really wanna see
is the statue of the Fearless Girl,
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facing down the gorilla
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that symbolizes fossil fuels
and wasteful fast-food packaging.
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Huh. What do you know?
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You can let us out at the next block.
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This is the touristy part
of the city.
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- Where are we going?
- To the finest restaurant in town.
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The Laramie Cigarettes Smokehouse Grill.
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{\an8}- Bring us the Tuna Tar-Tar.
- With extra tar.
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- Cigs in a Blanket.
- Philly Wheeze Steak.
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Vape Suzette.
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And for dessert, the Phlegm Brûlée.
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Can we go now?
We've wasted the whole day here.
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Cool your jets, toots.
Aunties need their post-meal smoke.
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Sorry, ladies. No smoking.
Take it outside.
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Hyah!
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- Patricia Bouvier?
- Julian.
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Mwah. I saw on Facebook
that you were coming to town.
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Why didn't you call me,
you two gorgeous minxes?
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Lisa, this is my friend Julian.
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We met last year
at the Capital City Pride Parade.
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I still think
their float should've won first prize.
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Stunning!
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Oh, is that a book of poetry
by Sylvia Plath?
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{\an8}Yes, it is! Poor dear Sylvia.
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{\an8}The world's loss was that oven's gain.
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{\an8}I'm a poet myself.
Also a novelist, essayist, playwright,
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and author
of the occasional scalding Airbnb review.
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Oh, those are all things I'd like to be
when I grow up and leave Springfield.
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Oh, my God. That's your hometown?
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Hi. I'm Katya.
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I actually went there to take photographs
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for my prize-winning show,
Freaks of the 'Field.
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Look at these and react to them.
I can't watch.
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Oh.
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I won a lot of prizes for these.
Isn't that weird?
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No, I think they're great.
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That's what everyone says. It's so crazy.
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Oh, this is my husband Lars.
He's a brilliant painter.
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Oh, wow. Somehow, I sense you're craving
love and connection in an uncaring world.
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And also an extra large cookie?
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Mm-hmm.
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Lisa, for a little girl
in a lampshade dress,
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you seem very sophisticated.
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Really? Well, I try.
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I mean, I don't try.
It's effortless!
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Oh, my God.
I just had the kind of amazing idea
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that everyone thinks is stupid,
but then I'm totally right.
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You should come to our party tonight.
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It's in our loft.
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North of Hobart Street,
south of Gordon Avenue,
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and below the Joseph Torrance Expressway.
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Nohosogoblojoto?
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That's the coolest,
most artistic neighborhood in town!
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- Can we go?
- Oh, no, kid.
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We're gonna take you
to something you're gonna love.
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Thanks, Aunt Selma.
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You know me so well.
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Well, if you change your minds,
we'll be around for a little longer,
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sneering at Midwestern tourists.
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Barf.
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Maybe we could go to their party
after the musical.
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Juice-ical.
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Are you okay?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just a little indigestion.
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We'll be fine.
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I knew there was something off
about that menthol swordfish!
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Out of our way, kid.
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We gotta either sleep or die,
and we don't care which one.
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Hmm?
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Oh, yes, by all means, take a picture
with that off-brand Pikachu.
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What a precious keepsake that will be.
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Hi. Hi. Hi.
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My aunts are feeling
a little under the weather.
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So they said I should hang out with you.
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They said a small child
should spend the night
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exploring the bohemian demimonde
with a bunch of effete gadabouts?
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That's what they said.
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So, Lisa, what do you think, Lisa?
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I think I'm home.
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This place is a dream.
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Everyone's so cool,
and the art is all nonrepresentational.
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Oh, my God, Lars. That is so brilliant.
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I seriously wish I'd married someone else
so I could cheat on my husband with you.
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Now, let's get everything to the gallery.
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- What? Now?
- Yep!
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Our group show opens tomorrow
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at the Museum
of Loft-Based Transgressive Progressivism.
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So we have to get
all our work there tonight.
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Okay, everyone. Grab a canvas,
sculpture, or performance artist.
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Whoa.
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{\an8}Hey. Can I get a little help, please,
from "The Inhuman Capotes"?
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{\an8}Writers are liars
who tell the truth for money.
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But I'm asking if you're helping us move.
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If you're going to stab me in my back,
do it to my face.
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Don't mind him. He's the worst.
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We used to be a throuple.
He was incredible!
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I wish he was dead. You need one of these.
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Lisa, you're a dear and a doll,
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and you carried Kool-Aid Jesus
without spilling a drop.
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Oh, my God, it's so late.
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I really should get back
to Patty and Selma.
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But, darling, the night is just beginning.
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This is your moment.
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And we have tickets
to see an avant-garde play
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that starts at 1:00 a.m.
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Well, I would hate to wake up my aunties.
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God, I love art,
and I love this city.
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Punks, poets, madmen, monologists.
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Superintendent Chalmers?
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Sweet vermouth in a snifter. Lisa Simpson!
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Hey, Gary. Hurry up here
with them Reuben sammies.
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You and me got a long night of doinking
ahead of us.
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- We're putting on a staff excursion.
- Of course.
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- Continuing education and...
- No need to explain.
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- Makes perfect sense.
- Life-long learning endeavor...
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Oh, that's interesting.
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Lisa, we're running late.
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Stop talking to that balding stallion.
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I don't know about stallion,
but, yes.
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This is so moving.
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That poor man has been transformed
into a cockroach.
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And there's his unfeeling father.
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Leave him alone!
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Who just interrupted my play?
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How dare you desecrate the hallowed boards
of this converted rooster-fighting arena?
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Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright
Tracy Letts?
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You wrote this?
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And I play the enormous shoe
that steps on the cockroach in act three.
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It's a loafer with a back story.
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Not that they'll ever get to see it now.
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- I'm sorry I--
- Interrupted?
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Young lady,
this play has run for over a year.
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And you're the very first person
to interfere and save the cockroach.
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Proving you're one of the most sensitive
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and artistically attuned people
I've ever met.
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Give her a round of applause.
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My two Tony awards command you!
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This kid is incredible.
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She gives me hope for the next generation
of self-important know-it-alls.
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Oh.
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Yes. She's truly a special young person.
Just brimming with precocity.
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In fact, I was thinking she might be
a good fit for the Horace Frick Academy.
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HFA?
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That's the school I would never dream
of letting myself hope
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that I could aspire
to imagine going there.
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Well, Lisa, I'm on the board of trustees--
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Go, Fighting Tote Bags--
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and I think I might just be able
to guarantee you a place.
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- When would I start?
- Next month.
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- And what does it cost?
- $84,000 a year.
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But how would I ever pay for that?
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Not my problem!
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
I just thought of an awesome play
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and I have to go scream it into my phone.
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Curtain rises on Dave & Buster's.
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Everyone is dead.
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I would love
to attend that school.
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But my mom and dad
don't have that kind of money.
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- Oh, that's so terrible.
- Wait just a moment.
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I know a wealthy benefactress
who might be able to help you.
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Lacey Van Aster.
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00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:33,607
She's a little eccentric,
but something tells me she'd adore you,
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just like we adore you.
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I misread this.
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To the forbidden zone,
the Upper East Side.
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{\an8}It's really late.
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{\an8}Are you sure she's up?
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00:11:52,752 --> 00:11:57,673
Oh, yeah. She's a well-known night owl
and a bit of a speed freak. Vroom, vroom.
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00:11:57,674 --> 00:12:02,636
Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt.
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Um, every one of them I seduced,
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and destroyed.
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Lacey, darling,
we always enjoy your delightful stories,
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but we'd like to discuss
your scholarship fund
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for children from, how shall we say,
tragic cultural wastelands?
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Yes, my lucrative bursary.
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00:12:22,824 --> 00:12:26,579
But first,
there is an extensive interview process.
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All right then.
First of all, how are you, dear?
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00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:33,292
I'm okay.
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The scholarship is yours.
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Huzzah! Hip hip hurrah!
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{\an8}Good night, Lisa.
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I've only known you for a day,
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but I can tell
that you're an artist at heart.
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Thank you, Katya.
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I can't believe I'll be going to school
in Capital City.
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00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:53,437
And then from there,
I'll become a critically acclaimed writer,
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an artist, and member of the cognoscenti.
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Cognoscenti.
Cognoscenti. Cognoscenti!
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It's all in front of me.
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Someday I'll be in that photograph.
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Wait a second.
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Why are they posing with Martin Prince?
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Therein lies a tale, Lisa.
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Every year,
self-impressed little bookworms
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00:13:28,973 --> 00:13:30,766
like you and Martin Prince
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00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:32,935
come to the big city
where we convince them
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that they could one day be one of us
just by attending Horace Frick Academy.
228
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:42,569
But there's just one problem,
my little swan-abee.
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Nobody you've met tonight
has any connection to that school.
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What? Not even Tracy Letts?
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00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,205
Especially Tracy Letts!
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00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:57,042
Behind these supporting-actor good looks,
I'm a world-class fraud.
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You were naïve enough to believe
that you could get into that school.
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00:14:00,547 --> 00:14:03,715
And that Roosevelt-doinking crone,
Mrs. Van Aster,
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was naïve enough
to make out the tuition check to us.
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00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:10,766
And you fell for it.
Hook, Letts, and sinker.
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You eight-year-old fool.
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00:14:15,144 --> 00:14:17,729
But why do you need to steal money?
239
00:14:17,730 --> 00:14:20,860
I thought you all supported yourselves
by making art.
240
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,612
It is to laugh.
241
00:14:25,613 --> 00:14:29,867
Oh, this is awful! I'm gonna report you
to the Capital City Police.
242
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:34,079
I'm sure they'll take the word
of an infamous art thief.
243
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,539
There you are.
244
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:39,293
But I was helping to move that art.
I wasn't stealing it.
245
00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:40,878
Oh, I know you're innocent.
246
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,880
But this damning footage
has already gone out
247
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:46,008
to the entire artistic community
of Capital City.
248
00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:47,926
And it's not a good look.
249
00:14:47,927 --> 00:14:53,058
The only thing an artist hates more
than an art thief is themselves.
250
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,105
No!
251
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,483
Our ill-gotten gains!
252
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,034
There she is! Get her!
253
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:27,132
{\an8}God. They got this show together so fast.
254
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:29,970
Hey!
255
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,906
{\an8}Please answer.
256
00:15:50,907 --> 00:15:52,908
I knew just one thing.
257
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:55,702
We were not going
to lose the Ringtone Wars.
258
00:15:55,703 --> 00:15:58,164
And that's when I came up with this.
259
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,543
{\an8}- Wow.
- Whoa, wow.
260
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:06,171
{\an8}Check it out.
It's almost 5:00 in the morning.
261
00:16:06,172 --> 00:16:09,758
{\an8}We've almost watched
this entire 12-hour documentary
262
00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:11,927
{\an8}about the history of ringtones.
263
00:16:11,928 --> 00:16:14,348
Best 12 hours ever.
264
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,687
Superintendent Chalmers? Now you're here?
265
00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:26,274
No... [stammers] Look, in the interest
of, uh, fumfering, I, um...
266
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:28,276
Gary, doinking.
267
00:16:28,277 --> 00:16:29,611
Look, Lisa...
268
00:16:29,612 --> 00:16:33,281
...sometimes when grown-ups get bored,
they start playing pickleball,
269
00:16:33,282 --> 00:16:35,325
or they learn to make sourdough bread,
270
00:16:35,326 --> 00:16:37,703
or they book
two different romantic getaways
271
00:16:37,704 --> 00:16:39,663
with two different women
who don't know about each other.
272
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:41,542
It's a very common thing.
273
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:46,586
Mr. Chalmers, would you
please, please, help me hide?
274
00:16:46,587 --> 00:16:48,046
Just for a little while.
275
00:16:48,047 --> 00:16:50,507
Oh, I'd love nothing more, but, um...
276
00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:53,051
And I would love
not to tell the school board
277
00:16:53,052 --> 00:16:55,762
about your extracurricular activities.
278
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:59,099
Ugh. This has been
the worst night of my life.
279
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,560
I came to Capital City
because I wanted to get away
280
00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:04,189
from the dead-eyed ding-dongs
in Springfield.
281
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:05,772
No offense.
282
00:17:05,773 --> 00:17:09,651
And then these horrible people
came in my room and told me--
283
00:17:09,652 --> 00:17:12,363
Gary, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you!
284
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,540
Settle, settle.
285
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,625
Dora, can we just talk about this?
286
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:27,461
No. We can't.
287
00:17:27,462 --> 00:17:28,839
Oh, okay then.
288
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,266
Superintendent Chalmers!
289
00:17:41,267 --> 00:17:43,437
There's that pilfering little urchin!
290
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,612
Wait up, guys.
291
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,331
It's never been
more past my bedtime.
292
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,585
I'm too tired to run anymore.
293
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:14,008
Desperate times call
for high-fructose corn syrup.
294
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,430
She drank the juice. A mother knows.
295
00:18:20,431 --> 00:18:25,853
Hey, art jerks. Your work is derivative,
and you're all old!
296
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:39,241
It's the Fearless Girl statue.
297
00:18:39,242 --> 00:18:41,910
{\an8}Goldman Sachs? Ew.
298
00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:44,206
I hate this city!
299
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,758
These are balloons
from the Highbrow Artists Parade.
300
00:18:56,759 --> 00:18:59,012
That's today!
301
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,598
They are relentless.
302
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,146
Thank God for this balloon.
303
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:12,023
Ah!
304
00:19:12,024 --> 00:19:13,984
Joan Didion.
305
00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:15,193
How ironic.
306
00:19:15,194 --> 00:19:19,282
You're clinging to Joan Didion,
but you're clearly John Gregory "Done"!
307
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,534
I hate that I get that.
308
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,288
But you'll never get this.
309
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,664
She ripped up the check!
310
00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:31,920
Well, then do something about it,
you second-rate Cindy Sherman!
311
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:38,177
Oh, no.
312
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,635
What the hell are you doing?
313
00:19:40,636 --> 00:19:44,222
If there was a gun in the first act,
I would shoot you right now.
314
00:19:44,223 --> 00:19:45,765
I'm setting her free.
315
00:19:45,766 --> 00:19:47,809
Goodbye, Lisa!
316
00:19:47,810 --> 00:19:50,395
Never forget the essence
of being an artist,
317
00:19:50,396 --> 00:19:52,647
having rich parents!
318
00:19:52,648 --> 00:19:57,070
You can still resent them horribly,
just take their money!
319
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:07,287
It is easy to see the beginnings of things
and harder to see the ends.
320
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:09,581
I can remember now, with a clarity
321
00:20:09,582 --> 00:20:12,542
that makes the nerves
in the back of my neck constrict
322
00:20:12,543 --> 00:20:14,544
when the city began for me.
323
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:18,048
But I cannot lay my finger
upon the moment it ended.
324
00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:23,220
Can never cut through the ambiguities,
and second starts, and broken resolves
325
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:24,930
to the exact place on the page
326
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:29,017
where the heroine is no longer
as optimistic as she once was.
327
00:20:29,018 --> 00:20:30,894
How are you talking to me?
328
00:20:30,895 --> 00:20:33,480
You haven't slept in 24 hours.
329
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:35,399
Hmm. Makes sense.
330
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:54,086
- Lisa.
- Superintendent.
331
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,101
{\an8}Good morning.
332
00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:12,269
{\an8}Today we'll be reading
333
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:15,146
{\an8}from The Firecracker
Who Didn't Want To Go, "Boom!"
334
00:21:15,147 --> 00:21:18,692
{\an8}"'I like quiet things.'
Said the firecracker.
335
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:22,738
{\an8}'Why does everything in the world
have to be so loud?'"
336
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,408
{\an8}"'Things like sirens, and jackhammers,
337
00:21:26,409 --> 00:21:29,579
{\an8}and tugboat whistles,
and big brass drums.'"