1 00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:04,628 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,566 --> 00:00:09,916 [Grampa] They say women are like soda water. 3 00:00:09,993 --> 00:00:12,419 They go better with a gallon of scotch. 4 00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:16,473 And when the weather's hot, we drink a lot. 5 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,429 And sometimes it's so hot, 6 00:00:22,598 --> 00:00:25,582 people open their windows to let the air in 7 00:00:25,675 --> 00:00:29,194 and their secrets out. 8 00:00:29,346 --> 00:00:31,438 -[whirring stops] -No. 9 00:00:31,607 --> 00:00:35,617 No, don't go. Your tiny feet are so cool. 10 00:00:38,614 --> 00:00:40,597 Wait, I know a place to go, 11 00:00:40,599 --> 00:00:44,460 where the people always say it's too cold. 12 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,630 [frustrated grunting] 13 00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:51,533 Get your own cooling duct! 14 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,110 Typical. My entire life, 15 00:00:53,128 --> 00:00:54,961 you've never done one nice thing for me, 16 00:00:55,114 --> 00:00:56,613 and I'm always kind and loving. 17 00:00:56,615 --> 00:01:00,893 So redirect that A/C or we're moving you to a worse home. 18 00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:02,377 There is no worse home. 19 00:01:02,471 --> 00:01:04,229 I mean the one they put veterans in. 20 00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:07,357 You monster! Elder abuse! 21 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,476 What took you so long? 22 00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:10,977 I'm not sure what you're talking about, 23 00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:12,312 Abe "Grampa" Simpson, 24 00:01:12,481 --> 00:01:14,907 but we need your help with an investigation. 25 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,242 And I mean now. 26 00:01:26,829 --> 00:01:29,329 They're digging up these poor people's graves? 27 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,481 Now, don't worry. They're putting up a monument 28 00:01:31,575 --> 00:01:34,818 to the suffering of these unfortunate souls. 29 00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:37,096 [truck beeping] 30 00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:39,489 What are we doing here? 31 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:42,175 We're here because when they dug up one grave, 32 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,329 they saw something no one should see. 33 00:01:45,497 --> 00:01:48,982 Come on, kids, let me show you. Get your phones. 34 00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:58,492 Somebody snuck a second body in here. 35 00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:04,948 And on that extra body, we found this. 36 00:02:05,775 --> 00:02:07,000 [Lisa] "Simpson and O'Donnell, 37 00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,685 "private investigators. 38 00:02:08,778 --> 00:02:10,629 Ask for Abe"? 39 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:15,300 Grampa, you were a private detective? 40 00:02:15,527 --> 00:02:17,302 Takes you an hour to find your socks. 41 00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:20,547 All right, Wiggum, you showed me what you wanted to show me. 42 00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:23,124 Now, in this country, a man can say what he wants 43 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,143 and do what he wants. 44 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,960 Except on college campuses, 45 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,587 where you can say some things but not others 46 00:02:27,723 --> 00:02:29,297 and it's unclear which. 47 00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:32,542 Hey, you can leave anytime, after you explain 48 00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:36,137 how your business card got on that body. 49 00:02:36,231 --> 00:02:38,306 Fine, I'll talk, but only at the home, 50 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,734 with a nurse call button nearby. 51 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,477 Those things aren't even hooked up. 52 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,373 Pushing the button is my exercise. 53 00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:48,584 See? 54 00:02:51,230 --> 00:02:54,131 Oh, I never saw that part before. 55 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:56,175 You think it's hot today? 56 00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,826 It's nothing compared to the summer of '82. 57 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:02,422 It was like living inside the sun with the heat on. 58 00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:05,091 Billy and me had been partners for a couple of years. 59 00:03:05,244 --> 00:03:06,576 There was plenty of work. 60 00:03:06,595 --> 00:03:09,579 Divorce cases, roller derby hit-and-runs. 61 00:03:09,673 --> 00:03:12,840 But this particular day was mighty slow. 62 00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:15,677 Ah, nice shot. You should be in the NBA. 63 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,346 You, too, pal. You look great in short shorts. 64 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:22,492 You mean the shorts that everybody wears now in the '80s? 65 00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:25,687 Then she came in. 66 00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,431 I was looking for a detective, 67 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:31,192 but it seems I found a mutual admiration society. 68 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,270 Are you here to join? 69 00:03:33,288 --> 00:03:35,380 First I'd have to admire you. 70 00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:37,532 I'm Agnes Skinner, 71 00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:40,535 and I want you to follow my boyfriend. 72 00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:42,387 Oh? Who's your boyfriend? 73 00:03:42,614 --> 00:03:45,873 A rich bald vulture by the name of Montgomery Burns. 74 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,208 Well, I think he's cheating on me 75 00:03:47,302 --> 00:03:49,135 with someone younger and sexier. 76 00:03:49,304 --> 00:03:51,396 -I don't buy your story. -Which part? 77 00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:55,125 The part where there's someone younger and sexier than you. 78 00:03:55,218 --> 00:03:57,903 Mm. It just got really hot in here. 79 00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,796 Towel me off? 80 00:03:59,798 --> 00:04:01,889 Ah... 81 00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:03,483 Are you my new mommy? 82 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,578 'Cause I'm owed a lot of tucking in. 83 00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:09,322 [sighs] Uh, Daddy's, uh, busy, son. 84 00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:12,567 Wh-Why don't you play with these handcuffs? 85 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,585 Oh, boy. 86 00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:15,254 Hmm. If you're babysitting, 87 00:04:15,481 --> 00:04:17,981 I guess I'll take my business elsewhere. 88 00:04:17,983 --> 00:04:19,165 Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. 89 00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:20,759 What if I go with Agnes, 90 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,487 you know, and kind of check things out? 91 00:04:23,655 --> 00:04:26,156 Okay, but remember, you're representing the firm, 92 00:04:26,174 --> 00:04:27,915 so act professional. 93 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,342 Ah, yes. 94 00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:31,561 [scatting] 95 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,308 Oh, I don't get a new mommy? 96 00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:39,185 I'll be your daddy and your mommy, son. 97 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,763 Now be quiet and leave me alone. 98 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,023 And that was that. 99 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,191 Now if you're finished, it's Tapioca Tuesday 100 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,602 and I'm jonesing for something bland and lumpy. 101 00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:51,773 [all moaning] Tapioca. Tapioca. 102 00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,350 Hmm. 103 00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:55,535 Slow down, there, Humphrey Go-kart. 104 00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,612 What did your partner say when he got back? 105 00:04:57,781 --> 00:05:01,949 Nothing, which isn't surprising, because he never came back. 106 00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:04,118 Never came back? What did you do? 107 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,529 Got new business cards. 108 00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:09,699 "Abe Simpson and nobody, private investigators." 109 00:05:09,793 --> 00:05:11,201 [low] I'm not surprised. 110 00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,370 My dad never does anything for anybody. 111 00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:17,149 Homer, let the policemen give your dad the third degree. 112 00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:18,542 Wiggum, I'm done singing. 113 00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:21,486 But here's an encore for you: get lost! 114 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,547 Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you 115 00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,657 in an interrogation room with a bare light bulb, 116 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:30,053 no bathroom and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg? 117 00:05:30,072 --> 00:05:31,854 I'd call that an upgrade. 118 00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,999 [electricity buzzes] 119 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,742 Okay, fine, we'll leave. For now. 120 00:05:35,894 --> 00:05:39,821 But I am officially declaring you a person of interest. 121 00:05:39,989 --> 00:05:42,415 Wow, Grampa, you're finally interesting. 122 00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:43,416 Can we hang out? 123 00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,635 -Yeah, but I ain't talking. -Perfect. 124 00:05:50,742 --> 00:05:52,184 I can't believe it. 125 00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:53,593 Would Grampa really not look for his partner? 126 00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:54,911 That's exactly what he would do. 127 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,763 He didn't look for his missing wife. 128 00:05:56,915 --> 00:05:58,431 He couldn't find a runaway dog. 129 00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:00,508 He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo 130 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,587 until the chimpanzee in the car seat threw up. 131 00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:06,606 He still sends that monkey birthday cards. 132 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,441 Maybe I could get some answers 133 00:06:08,594 --> 00:06:11,094 from a forensic analysis of the old business card. 134 00:06:11,096 --> 00:06:14,539 Lisa, I don't like it when you dust for residues. 135 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,874 Please, please, please. 136 00:06:16,025 --> 00:06:18,268 I promise I'll only look for splatter. 137 00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:20,954 Okay, but put down newspaper. 138 00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:22,964 What the hell's a newspaper? 139 00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:27,627 Bart, there's blood on this card. 140 00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:32,449 Type AB-negative, which is only one percent of the population. 141 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:34,559 Amazing. You can make even blood boring. 142 00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:37,137 If Billy O'Donnell had the same blood type, 143 00:06:37,305 --> 00:06:39,213 it could be him in the coffin. 144 00:06:39,307 --> 00:06:41,307 Coffin, eh? You saying he's a vampire? 145 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,217 [imitating Dracula] Yes, he's a vampire. 146 00:06:43,311 --> 00:06:46,312 We must investigate his blood. Bleh. 147 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:49,315 You're treating me like a child, and I love it. 148 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,301 Say "bleh" two more times, and I'm in. 149 00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:52,393 Bleh. Bleh. 150 00:06:52,562 --> 00:06:54,137 -Okay, blood type. -[fingers snap] 151 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:56,063 I know two people with all the information in town, 152 00:06:56,158 --> 00:06:58,158 -but it'll cost you. -[normal voice] How much? 153 00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:02,254 I'm afraid we're gonna have to spend some time with them. 154 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,924 Here's the medical techs at my barium swallow. 155 00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:10,095 Here's me waking up because the anesthesia wasn't strong enough. 156 00:07:10,172 --> 00:07:12,656 And here's the kink in my esophagus. 157 00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:16,009 And here's us transferring our slides to video. 158 00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,419 Transferring. Transferring. 159 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:21,606 Now here's us transferring our video to digital. 160 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:25,110 Transferring. Transferring. Transferring. 161 00:07:25,337 --> 00:07:27,237 [man] Hey, can we get some service? 162 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,765 Snoop to your heart's content, kids. 163 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,509 But remember, that information 164 00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:35,195 belongs to the people of Springfield. 165 00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:37,956 Show them the respect they deserve. 166 00:07:39,108 --> 00:07:42,368 O'Bannon. O'Brady. O'Connell. O'Connor. 167 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,187 Lot of Irish in this town. 168 00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:47,207 O'Day. O'Dell. O'de-o'doh. 169 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,693 [gasps] O'Donnell! Billy O'Donnell! 170 00:07:49,786 --> 00:07:51,361 Blood type: AB-negative. 171 00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,546 It's a match. I'm taking this to Grampa. 172 00:07:53,699 --> 00:07:56,308 [gasps] Did you know Lenny has only one butt cheek? 173 00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,727 No wonder he keeps falling off his stool. 174 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,480 Not my fault. 175 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,484 Chief, it's the old man's granddaughter. 176 00:08:05,635 --> 00:08:07,986 And you didn't want to set up a stakeout. 177 00:08:08,063 --> 00:08:11,064 No, I wanted to. You didn't. 178 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,824 Well, somebody did. Shut up. 179 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,308 It's the same blood type. 180 00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:17,144 I bet you want to get right back on that trail. 181 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,889 That trail is 40 years old. 182 00:08:19,983 --> 00:08:23,243 Colder than the hands of the orderly who puts my gown on. 183 00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,337 Hey, orderlies have feelings, too. 184 00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:26,788 [crying] 185 00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:29,174 The DMV found Billy's abandoned car 186 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:32,585 on old Apple Blossom Parkway, which is now 187 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,181 the location of the Springfield Nuclear Plant. 188 00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:37,407 Well? 189 00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:41,911 You're messing with things you should let lie. 190 00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:45,339 And you're lying about messes you should let thing. 191 00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:47,174 Nobody talks to me like that! 192 00:08:47,236 --> 00:08:49,343 I'm what that way talks how! 193 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,755 I always looked up to you, Grampa. 194 00:08:51,923 --> 00:08:53,365 Well, I'm shrinking every day, 195 00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:55,608 so I'll be down to you mighty soon. 196 00:08:55,685 --> 00:08:58,278 I can't believe you didn't even try. 197 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:01,281 But... but.. Aw, damn it, I did try. 198 00:09:01,449 --> 00:09:04,267 Checked with his ex-wife, his bookie, 199 00:09:04,286 --> 00:09:05,526 his dance instructor. 200 00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:07,695 Sorry, handsome, you are barking up the wrong tree. 201 00:09:07,864 --> 00:09:10,865 Four, five, six. Backstep, kick step, shuffle ball change. 202 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,367 [vocalizes] 203 00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:14,869 [Grampa] There was only one person 204 00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:17,038 who could tell me what happened: Agnes. 205 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,116 But it was like she disappeared off the face of the Earth. 206 00:09:20,209 --> 00:09:22,877 Burns was guarding her tighter than a human LoJack. 207 00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:26,639 Finally, I got a tip from her favorite leg warmer store. 208 00:09:26,716 --> 00:09:29,959 I found her at the marina. 209 00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:31,385 I'm trying to talk business, 210 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,963 and you bring me to the most romantic spot in town? 211 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:37,391 You are really making it hard for me to focus. 212 00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,560 You're not very smart. I like that. 213 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:42,229 I mean, you're really, really stupid. 214 00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:43,640 I find that sexy. 215 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:47,068 I mean, you are really, unbelievably, droolingly-- 216 00:09:47,162 --> 00:09:49,287 Yeah, yeah, okay. All right. You made your point. 217 00:09:49,514 --> 00:09:51,423 Now, damn it, what happened to my partner? 218 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:54,834 Don't get ahead of yourself. You haven't bought me a drink. 219 00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:58,597 -What'll you have? -Don't get ahead of yourself. 220 00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:00,414 You haven't kissed me. 221 00:10:00,508 --> 00:10:01,507 [Grampa groans] 222 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:02,750 [both moan] 223 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,327 Mm. 224 00:10:04,346 --> 00:10:07,272 Now, uh, the next part is kind of racy, 225 00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:10,091 so you listen to some nondescript '80s rock 226 00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:12,402 while I tell it to myself. 227 00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:15,839 ♪ And I ran ♪ 228 00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:18,191 ♪ I ran so far away... ♪ 229 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:20,434 [Grampa] She was relentless. 230 00:10:20,603 --> 00:10:23,938 I heard something I'd never heard before. 231 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:25,698 "Not bad." 232 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:30,945 I fell for her like Mario over a thousand Donkey Kong barrels. 233 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:34,357 Then she told me what happened the last night she saw Billy. 234 00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:38,528 They were following Burns to see what he was up to. 235 00:10:39,531 --> 00:10:42,724 Okay, listen, you stay in the car until I get back. 236 00:10:43,885 --> 00:10:46,386 [Agnes] I waited and waited. 237 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,295 [snoring] 238 00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:49,205 [gasps] 239 00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:50,982 Ma'am, are you okay? 240 00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:55,061 'Cause I've been staring at ya since 2:00 in the morning. 241 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,738 [Agnes groans] 242 00:10:58,884 --> 00:11:00,474 I never saw Billy again. 243 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,886 Abe, what if Burns knows I was there? 244 00:11:02,904 --> 00:11:04,721 I guess I'll have to ask him. 245 00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:07,907 Luckily, I'm wearing my gun. 246 00:11:08,059 --> 00:11:09,150 [grunts] 247 00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,077 So what happened when you saw Burns? 248 00:11:11,229 --> 00:11:13,505 -I can't tell you. -Why can't you tell me? 249 00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:16,991 Because it's something that would destroy your father. 250 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,010 -[gasps] -[dramatic violin sting] 251 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,904 That's the only chord I know. 252 00:11:21,072 --> 00:11:22,472 [plays dramatic sting] 253 00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,187 ♪ ♪ 254 00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,582 Two visitors in one day. 255 00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:36,194 There's something rotten in the state of Denmark. 256 00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:39,105 Is that the state we're in? Denmark? 257 00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:40,031 Huh. 258 00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:41,682 [Grampa grunting softly] 259 00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:45,019 Bart, Grandpa knows a secret that could destroy Dad. 260 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,263 Oh, my God. We certainly don't want that 261 00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:49,782 falling into the wrong hands. [laughs] 262 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,952 Boy, you're here because I need you to sneak me out 263 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,004 without the cops seeing. 264 00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,460 Fine. I'll figure out a plan, but there's a price: 265 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,945 a new bike. 266 00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:03,388 No. Two new bikes. 267 00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,539 How many bikes does one kid need? 268 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,375 My goal is to be the Jay Leno of bikes. 269 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,562 ♪ ♪ 270 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,887 There they go. 271 00:12:19,981 --> 00:12:22,131 -[engine starts] -[tires thump] 272 00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:25,059 Ah, damn it. We got three or four flat tires. 273 00:12:25,136 --> 00:12:26,894 Maybe five. I-I can't tell. 274 00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:28,580 Well, then, we should pursue on foot. 275 00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:32,399 I-I got a doctor's note that says I-I shouldn't run. 276 00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:37,422 Well, look who came to visit me after all these years: 277 00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:39,740 Magnum P.U. 278 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,426 Agnes, you look terrific. 279 00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,911 Of course I can't see well anymore. 280 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,079 Who is this man, Mother? 281 00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:47,098 I don't remember him from our scrapbooking. 282 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,125 Seymour, shut the door and play with your little buddy 283 00:12:50,127 --> 00:12:52,328 while the grown-ups talk. 284 00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,421 You want to play Chex box? 285 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,940 You mean Xbox? 286 00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,500 No. Chex box. 287 00:12:57,593 --> 00:12:59,944 There are two extremely challenging mazes on the back. 288 00:13:00,171 --> 00:13:02,429 Would you like to get the spoon back to the dishwasher 289 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,098 or help the milk find the refrigerator? 290 00:13:04,175 --> 00:13:06,100 Well, I'd like the principal to find his manhood, 291 00:13:06,194 --> 00:13:07,343 if you don't mind. 292 00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,679 I am muy macho, amigo. 293 00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,290 Now choose your Hello Kitty pencil and get tracing. 294 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,943 Agnes, 40 years ago, I let my partner down. 295 00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,444 Now I got to fix that. 296 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,948 Well, can it wait for a sour ball? 297 00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:24,861 Bitter on the outside and not very satisfying, 298 00:13:24,879 --> 00:13:27,121 just like me. 299 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,622 Mmm. [chuckles] 300 00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:31,142 Now, think. Is there anything you want to share 301 00:13:31,294 --> 00:13:33,144 about that night we lost Billy? 302 00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:36,481 I have trouble remembering my meds, my birthday, 303 00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:37,965 even who you are, frankly. 304 00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:40,376 But I'll never forget that night. 305 00:13:40,469 --> 00:13:42,987 The road was covered in this. 306 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:49,068 Baby, you just broke the case. 307 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,477 Before you go, 308 00:13:50,572 --> 00:13:53,406 how's about we see what else we can break? 309 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,669 Lamps or hips, they're all replaceable. [laughs] 310 00:13:57,896 --> 00:14:00,229 -Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. -Yowza! 311 00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:01,898 -[Agnes] Okay, easy now. -[Grandpa] Whoa! I get... 312 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:04,083 -Oh, no, not that elbow. -Well, that knee doesn't work. 313 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,844 -[Grandpa] No, no, my bursitis! -Ah. Ow. Oh. 314 00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,494 -[Grandpa] Aah. Oh. -Oh. 315 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,849 [Grandpa] Oh, sweet Wendell Willkie! 316 00:14:11,076 --> 00:14:12,725 ♪ ♪ 317 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:27,090 What's this? How did you get through the unguarded grounds 318 00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,199 and sliding door? 319 00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:31,444 Burns, I'm here to finish a conversation 320 00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:34,038 we started 40 years ago. 321 00:14:34,265 --> 00:14:36,690 Burns, I think you might have crossed paths 322 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,359 with my partner the other night. 323 00:14:38,436 --> 00:14:39,785 Oh, yes. Billy. 324 00:14:39,938 --> 00:14:43,439 He, uh, said he was leaving on a trip, a one-way ticket. 325 00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,550 You could say he's gone to paradise. 326 00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:47,552 [sinister laugh] 327 00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,888 That answer's not good enough! 328 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,948 Daddy, I got scared alone in the car! 329 00:14:52,041 --> 00:14:54,133 I thought I gave you a coloring book. 330 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,394 I ate the crayons. 331 00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,137 [guttural groaning] 332 00:14:58,289 --> 00:15:02,066 Well, you and Little Boy Blue, Green and Red can exit together. 333 00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:03,476 Release the hounds. 334 00:15:03,628 --> 00:15:05,403 [barking] 335 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,981 Bad puppy! No love! No love! Bad puppy! 336 00:15:09,134 --> 00:15:12,318 Burns, I say you know something about Billy, 337 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,471 and I'll never rest until I find out what. 338 00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:16,748 Let's make a deal. 339 00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,583 You forget about your ex-partner, 340 00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,419 and I'll give your son a job when he grows up. 341 00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:23,570 He don't need your help. 342 00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:25,423 [Homer] Daddy! Daddy! 343 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,717 [whimpering] 344 00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,595 -[laughs] -I will give that poor, 345 00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:33,097 pathetic knuckle-brain a job and never fire him, 346 00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:36,509 no matter how often and how badly he messes up. 347 00:15:36,661 --> 00:15:39,328 [Homer] Help! Help! 348 00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:40,421 [grunts] 349 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,231 [Grampa sighs] 350 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,094 And that's why your son wasn't fired 351 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:50,097 for screwing up 742 times. 352 00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:52,208 Tarnation, is he bad. 353 00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,101 Wait just a minute! 354 00:15:54,195 --> 00:15:55,787 All those times I screwed up 355 00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:57,771 and should have been fired but wasn't? 356 00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:59,773 That was thanks to you? 357 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,292 Mm-hmm. 358 00:16:01,444 --> 00:16:03,686 No matter how big of an idiot I am, 359 00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:05,371 I can never lose my job. 360 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,690 I'm like a Supreme Court justice! 361 00:16:07,692 --> 00:16:09,968 [sniffles] Thank you, Dad. 362 00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:12,712 Oh, I just did what any father would. 363 00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:15,473 I gave you the best life I could. 364 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,976 ♪ ♪ 365 00:16:36,054 --> 00:16:38,329 Dad, are we having a moment? 366 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,831 I don't think so. 367 00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:40,999 -Oh. -Oh. 368 00:16:41,226 --> 00:16:42,500 Okay, maybe. 369 00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:46,078 Well, another heartwarming moment at the Burns mansion. 370 00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:47,672 Now, off you go. 371 00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:51,634 The poison gas will attack your spinal cord within two minutes. 372 00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:54,587 -[alarm buzzes] -[gas hissing] 373 00:16:54,739 --> 00:16:56,239 Not so fast. 374 00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:57,757 [whooshing] 375 00:16:57,909 --> 00:17:00,760 Burns, for the sake of my son, I really wanted to believe you 376 00:17:00,912 --> 00:17:03,763 when you said Billy was okay, but now I know the truth. 377 00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,765 Billy found out, when you built the plant, 378 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:10,028 instead of using good, solid rebar, you were using this: 379 00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:11,937 shredded phone books. 380 00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:15,258 Billy found out, so you killed him. 381 00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:17,109 Me? Kill someone? 382 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:20,096 Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain. 383 00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,765 Start talking, or I'll cut you in two. 384 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,358 You bumped him off. 385 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,027 No! I paid him off. [gasps] 386 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,714 He used the money to move to a tropical island, 387 00:17:29,941 --> 00:17:32,275 a paradise, just like I told you. 388 00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:33,793 I'll call him right now. 389 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:35,035 [line ringing] 390 00:17:35,129 --> 00:17:37,113 [birds chirping] 391 00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,389 [tablet ringing] 392 00:17:38,616 --> 00:17:40,283 Abe, is that you? 393 00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:42,134 Wow. Look at you. [chuckles] 394 00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:43,544 You aged terribly. 395 00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:44,878 You're alive?! 396 00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:48,048 Well, if you call drinking rum out of a coconut, 397 00:17:48,142 --> 00:17:51,218 surfing and hanging out with beautiful women living, 398 00:17:51,312 --> 00:17:54,072 then, yeah, I guess I've been living. 399 00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,816 Hey, Billy want another "Abe is an Idiot"? 400 00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:58,301 Oh. [laughs] 401 00:17:58,394 --> 00:17:59,635 That's, uh... That has nothing to do with you. 402 00:17:59,637 --> 00:18:02,471 That's just a, uh, cocktail that I invented. 403 00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:04,231 [slurping] Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 404 00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:06,584 Why didn't you tell me you were alive?! 405 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,311 Because I didn't want my ex-wife to know, 406 00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:09,812 and you can't keep a secret. 407 00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:12,239 Remember when you told everyone my shoes have lifts? 408 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,408 I thought it made you interesting. 409 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,319 It made me seem short. Tom Cruise short. 410 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:19,338 I told Agnes to wait one week and then tell you everything. 411 00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:20,656 Agnes knew?! 412 00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:23,267 That's right, Abe. I was lying to you all along, 413 00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:26,996 because you were dumb, so, so dumb. 414 00:18:27,014 --> 00:18:28,606 So... dumb. 415 00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,757 -All right, all right, I get it. -[tablet chimes] 416 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,519 I wanted you to think Burns killed your partner, 417 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,688 so you would kill Burns. 418 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,116 Why would anyone want to kill me? 419 00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:39,617 Because, when I got to know you, 420 00:18:39,768 --> 00:18:44,622 I realized your heart was as ugly and withered as your ass. 421 00:18:44,773 --> 00:18:47,533 -Ouch. -Also, I snuck my name into your will 422 00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,943 -so I'd get rich when you died. -[gun cocks] 423 00:18:50,021 --> 00:18:52,505 No one's killing no one. 424 00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:59,303 How dare you blow the head off the bear I killed. 425 00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:01,139 Eh, we'll all die soon enough. 426 00:19:01,215 --> 00:19:02,623 And, Abe, remember this: 427 00:19:02,717 --> 00:19:06,202 You were too good a lover to be more than just a friend. 428 00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:07,628 What does that mean? 429 00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:09,889 I'm trying to leave you with something. 430 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:11,407 I'll take it. 431 00:19:11,409 --> 00:19:12,799 Mmm. 432 00:19:13,561 --> 00:19:16,487 Dad, something else came out of this, 433 00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:17,730 something wonderful. 434 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,198 I learned what you did for me, 435 00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:23,035 and I get to tell you thank you before you're gone. 436 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,374 All for you, Dad. 437 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,243 -I'm done. -[groans] Oh! 438 00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:33,396 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 439 00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:35,414 and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 440 00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:37,008 and TOYOTA. 441 00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:38,759 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 442 00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:45,216 Something's been eating at me, 443 00:19:45,368 --> 00:19:46,258 and I got to find out the answer. 444 00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:47,593 If Billy O'Donnell's alive, 445 00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:49,245 then who was the second body in the coffin? 446 00:19:49,338 --> 00:19:50,688 We tried DNA testing. [laughs] 447 00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:53,024 I don't know why we didn't do that in the first place. 448 00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:54,709 The second corpse was actually 449 00:19:54,711 --> 00:19:57,937 Springfield's beloved business card printer 450 00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,438 Harold Baumgartner. 451 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,200 He loved his wife so much, he asked to be buried with her. 452 00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:03,592 Literally. 453 00:20:03,611 --> 00:20:06,186 Which also explains all the other business cards 454 00:20:06,264 --> 00:20:07,205 we found in the coffin. 455 00:20:07,432 --> 00:20:09,615 This guy made excellent business cards. 456 00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,600 40 years later, clear as a bell. 457 00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:14,361 So the blood type was just a coincidence. 458 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,772 [gasps] Or maybe it was God's way 459 00:20:16,774 --> 00:20:20,109 of finding closure for a bunch of lost souls. 460 00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:23,036 But that was some nice work you did there, kid. 461 00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:25,372 Hey, how would you like to join the force? 462 00:20:25,466 --> 00:20:27,541 I think she's too young, Chief. 463 00:20:27,635 --> 00:20:30,711 Lou, you can't know that until you give her a gun. 464 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,804 Am I right, Ralphie? 465 00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:34,139 Do I shoot toward the talking? 466 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,792 I think I'm just gonna run home now. 467 00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:39,128 ♪ And I ran ♪ 468 00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:43,557 ♪ I ran so far away ♪ 469 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,801 ♪ I just ran ♪ 470 00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:50,139 ♪ I ran all night and day ♪ 471 00:20:50,157 --> 00:20:52,324 ♪ And I ran ♪ 472 00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:56,420 ♪ I ran so far away ♪ 473 00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:58,814 ♪ I just ran ♪ 474 00:20:58,949 --> 00:21:02,510 ♪ I couldn't get away. ♪ 475 00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:20,528 Shh!