1
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,508
{\an8}They say women
are like soda water.
2
00:00:10,509 --> 00:00:12,844
{\an8}They go better with a gallon of scotch.
3
00:00:12,845 --> 00:00:16,224
{\an8}And when the weather is hot,
we drink a lot.
4
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:26,149
{\an8}And sometimes it's so hot people open
their windows to let the air in,
5
00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,653
{\an8}and their secrets out.
6
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,740
{\an8}No!
7
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:35,660
{\an8}No. Don't go. Your tiny feet are so cool.
8
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,414
{\an8}Wait. I know a place to go.
9
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:44,294
{\an8}Where the people always say it's too cold.
10
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,674
{\an8}Get your own cooling duct!
11
00:00:51,675 --> 00:00:55,511
{\an8}Typical. My entire life
you've never done one nice thing for me.
12
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:57,263
{\an8}And I'm always kind and loving.
13
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{\an8}So redirect that AC
or we're moving you to a worse home.
14
00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:02,602
{\an8}There is no worse home.
15
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,687
{\an8}I mean the one they put veterans in.
16
00:01:04,688 --> 00:01:07,192
{\an8}You monster! Elder abuse!
17
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,776
{\an8}What took you so long?
18
00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:13,112
{\an8}I'm not sure what you're talking about,
Abe "Grampa" Simpson.
19
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:15,573
{\an8}But we need your help
with an investigation.
20
00:01:15,574 --> 00:01:17,035
{\an8}And I mean now.
21
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,962
{\an8}They're digging up
these poor people's graves?
22
00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:31,047
{\an8}Now, don't worry.
23
00:01:31,048 --> 00:01:34,927
{\an8}They're putting up a monument to
the suffering of these unfortunate souls.
24
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,806
{\an8}What are we doing here?
25
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:42,892
{\an8}We're here
because when they dug up one grave,
26
00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:46,104
{\an8}they saw something no one should see.
27
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,817
{\an8}Come on, kids. Let me show ya.
Get your phones.
28
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:58,409
{\an8}Somebody snuck a second body in here.
29
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}And on that extra body, we found this.
30
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,001
"Simpson and O'Donnell
Private Investigators.
31
00:02:09,002 --> 00:02:10,630
Ask for Abe"?
32
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,887
{\an8}Grampa, you were a private detective?
It takes you an hour to find your socks.
33
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:21,264
All right, Wiggum. You showed me
what you wanted to show me.
34
00:02:21,265 --> 00:02:24,725
Now, in this country a man can say
what he wants and do what he wants.
35
00:02:24,726 --> 00:02:26,435
Except on college campuses
36
00:02:26,436 --> 00:02:29,730
where you can say some things
but not others and it's unclear which.
37
00:02:29,731 --> 00:02:31,524
Hey, you can leave anytime,
38
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:36,404
after you explain
how your business card got on that body.
39
00:02:36,405 --> 00:02:37,738
Fine. I'll talk.
40
00:02:37,739 --> 00:02:41,242
But only at the home
with a nurse-call button nearby.
41
00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:42,994
Those things aren't even hooked up.
42
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:46,374
Pushing the button is my exercise.
43
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,585
See?
44
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,090
Oh. I never saw that part before.
45
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,591
You think it's hot today?
46
00:02:56,592 --> 00:02:59,677
It's nothin' compared
to the summer of '82.
47
00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:03,014
It was like living inside the sun
with the heat on.
48
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,892
Billy and me had been partners
for a couple years.
49
00:03:05,893 --> 00:03:07,185
There was plenty of work.
50
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:10,104
Divorce cases, Roller Derby hit-and-runs.
51
00:03:10,105 --> 00:03:12,984
But this particular day was mighty slow.
52
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,569
Ah, nice shot. You should be in the NBA.
53
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:19,197
You too, pal.
You look great in short shorts.
54
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:22,535
You mean the shorts that
everybody wears now in the '80s?
55
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,412
Then she came in.
56
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:28,247
I was looking for a detective.
57
00:03:28,248 --> 00:03:31,626
But it seems
I found a mutual admiration society.
58
00:03:31,627 --> 00:03:33,628
Are you here to join?
59
00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:35,298
First, I'd have to admire you.
60
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:40,968
I'm Agnes Skinner.
And I want you to follow my boyfriend.
61
00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:42,887
Oh. Who's your boyfriend?
62
00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:46,224
A rich bald vulture
by the name of Montgomery Burns.
63
00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:49,727
I think he's cheating on me
with someone younger and sexier.
64
00:03:49,728 --> 00:03:52,063
- I don't buy your story.
- Which part?
65
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:55,566
The part where there's someone
younger and sexier than you.
66
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:58,112
Mmm. It just got really hot in here.
67
00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,988
Towel me off?
68
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:06,621
Are you my new mommy?
'Cause I am owed a lot of tuckin' in.
69
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:12,168
Uh, Daddy's, uh, busy, son.
W-Why don't you play with these handcuffs?
70
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,126
Oh, boy.
71
00:04:14,127 --> 00:04:18,547
If you're babysitting,
I guess I'll take my business elsewhere.
72
00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:19,799
H-Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
73
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,178
What if I go with Agnes, you know,
and kinda check things out?
74
00:04:24,179 --> 00:04:28,266
Okay. But remember, you're representing
the firm, so act professional.
75
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,685
Yes.
76
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,441
I don't get a new mommy?
77
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:40,027
I'll be your daddy and your mommy, Son.
78
00:04:40,028 --> 00:04:42,071
Now, be quiet and leave me alone.
79
00:04:42,072 --> 00:04:43,698
And that was that.
80
00:04:43,699 --> 00:04:46,033
Now if you're finished,
it's Tapioca Tuesday,
81
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:48,577
and I'm jonesing for something
bland and lumpy.
82
00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:52,041
- Tapioca.
- Tapioca.
83
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,585
Slow down there, Humphrey Go-cart.
84
00:04:56,586 --> 00:04:58,671
What did your partner say
when he got back?
85
00:04:58,672 --> 00:05:02,383
Nothing. Which isn't surprising
because he never came back.
86
00:05:02,384 --> 00:05:04,635
Never came back? What did you do?
87
00:05:04,636 --> 00:05:06,470
Got new business cards.
88
00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:10,224
"Abe Simpson and nobody.
Private investigators."
89
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,726
I'm not surprised.
90
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:14,061
My dad never does anything for anybody.
91
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:17,732
Homer, let the policemen
give your dad the third degree.
92
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,483
Wiggum, I'm done singing.
93
00:05:19,484 --> 00:05:22,320
But here's an encore for you. Get lost!
94
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:25,698
Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you
in an interrogation room
95
00:05:25,699 --> 00:05:30,494
with a bare light bulb, no bathroom,
and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg?
96
00:05:30,495 --> 00:05:32,247
I'd call that an upgrade.
97
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,917
Okay. Fine. We'll leave for now.
98
00:05:36,918 --> 00:05:40,755
But I am officially declaring you
a person of interest.
99
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:44,133
Wow, Grampa. You're finally interesting.
Can we hang out?
100
00:05:44,134 --> 00:05:45,551
Yeah, but I ain't talking.
101
00:05:45,552 --> 00:05:46,888
Perfect.
102
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,389
I can't believe it.
103
00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:53,517
Would Grampa really not look
for his partner?
104
00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:55,478
It's exactly what he would do.
105
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:59,065
He didn't look for his missing wife.
He couldn't find our runaway dog.
106
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:01,108
He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo
107
00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:04,153
until the chimpanzee
in the car seat threw up.
108
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:07,073
He still sends that monkey birthday cards.
109
00:06:07,074 --> 00:06:08,657
Maybe I could get some answers
110
00:06:08,658 --> 00:06:11,660
from a forensic analysis
of the old business card.
111
00:06:11,661 --> 00:06:15,081
Lisa, I don't like it
when you dust for residues.
112
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:18,751
Please, please, please.
I promise I'll only look for splatter.
113
00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:21,337
Okay. But put down a newspaper.
114
00:06:21,338 --> 00:06:23,007
What the hell is a newspaper?
115
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,386
Bart, there's blood on this card.
116
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,720
Type AB negative.
117
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:32,890
Which is only one percent
of the population.
118
00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:35,351
Amazing. You can make even blood boring.
119
00:06:35,352 --> 00:06:39,772
If Billy O'Donnell had the same
blood type, it could be him in the coffin.
120
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,857
Coffin, eh? You're saying he's a vampire?
121
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:43,776
Yes, he's a vampire.
122
00:06:43,777 --> 00:06:46,946
We must inwestigate his blood. Blah!
123
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:49,698
You're treating me like a child.
And I love it.
124
00:06:49,699 --> 00:06:51,534
Say "blah" two more times and I'm in.
125
00:06:51,535 --> 00:06:53,119
Blah. Blah.
126
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,412
Okay. Blood type.
127
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,664
I know two people
with all the information in town.
128
00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:58,958
- But it'll cost you.
- How much?
129
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:02,962
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to spend some time with them.
130
00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:06,465
Here's the medical techs
at my barium swallow.
131
00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:07,883
Here's me waking up
132
00:07:07,884 --> 00:07:10,553
because the anesthesia
wasn't strong enough.
133
00:07:10,554 --> 00:07:13,389
And here's the kink in my esophagus.
134
00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:16,559
And here's us
transferring our slides to video.
135
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,019
Transferring.
136
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:22,398
Now here's us transferring our video
to digital.
137
00:07:22,399 --> 00:07:24,692
Transferring. Transferring.
138
00:07:24,693 --> 00:07:25,818
Transferring.
139
00:07:25,819 --> 00:07:27,405
Hey, can we get some service?
140
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,323
Snoop till your heart's content, kids.
141
00:07:31,324 --> 00:07:35,911
But remember, that information
belongs to the people of Springfield.
142
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:38,291
Show them the respect they deserve.
143
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:42,960
O'Bannon, O'Brady, O'Connell, O'Connor.
144
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:44,712
Lotta Irish in this town.
145
00:07:44,713 --> 00:07:47,840
O'Day, O'Dell, O'Doh-de-o'doh.
146
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:50,176
O'Donnell. Billy O'Donnell.
147
00:07:50,177 --> 00:07:51,927
Blood type: AB negative.
148
00:07:51,928 --> 00:07:54,346
It's a match. I'm taking this to Grampa.
149
00:07:54,347 --> 00:07:57,016
Did you know
Lenny has only one butt cheek?
150
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:59,020
No wonder he keeps falling off his stool.
151
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,606
Not my fault.
152
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,358
Chief, that's the old man's granddaughter.
153
00:08:06,359 --> 00:08:08,611
And you didn't want to set up a stakeout.
154
00:08:08,612 --> 00:08:11,572
No, I wanted to. You didn't.
155
00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,282
Well, somebody did... Shut up.
156
00:08:13,283 --> 00:08:15,034
It's the same blood type.
157
00:08:15,035 --> 00:08:17,703
I bet you wanna get right back
on that trail.
158
00:08:17,704 --> 00:08:20,456
That trail is 40 years old.
159
00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:23,709
Colder than the hands of the orderly
who puts my gown on.
160
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:27,379
Hey, orderlies have feelings too.
161
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:32,218
The DMV found Billy's abandoned car
on old Apple Blossom Parkway.
162
00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:36,555
Which is now the location
of the Springfield Nuclear Plant.
163
00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:37,808
Well?
164
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,811
You're messing with things
you should let lie.
165
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:46,065
And you're lying about messes
you should let thing.
166
00:08:46,066 --> 00:08:47,816
Nobody talks to me like that.
167
00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:50,069
I'm what that way talks how.
168
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:52,238
I always looked up to you, Grampa.
169
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:56,408
Well, I'm shrinking every day.
So I'll be down to you mighty soon.
170
00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:58,994
I can't believe you didn't even try!
171
00:08:58,995 --> 00:09:02,039
But, but... [groans] Damn it, I did try.
172
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,335
Checked with his ex-wife, his bookie,
his dance instructor.
173
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:09,713
Sorry, handsome. You are barking up
the wrong tree, four, five, six.
174
00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:14,093
Back step, kick step, shuffle ball change.
175
00:09:14,094 --> 00:09:16,679
There was only one person
who could tell me what happened.
176
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,846
Agnes.
177
00:09:17,847 --> 00:09:20,891
But it was like she disappeared
off the face of the earth.
178
00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:23,852
Burns was guarding her tighter
than a human LoJack.
179
00:09:23,853 --> 00:09:27,273
Finally I got a tip
from her favorite leg warmer store.
180
00:09:27,274 --> 00:09:30,568
I found her at the marina.
181
00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:32,069
I'm trying to talk business.
182
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:34,697
And you bring me
to the most romantic spot in town?
183
00:09:34,698 --> 00:09:37,950
You are really making it hard
for me to focus.
184
00:09:37,951 --> 00:09:40,452
You're not very smart. I like that.
185
00:09:40,453 --> 00:09:44,331
I mean, you're really, really stupid.
I find that sexy.
186
00:09:44,332 --> 00:09:47,960
I mean, you are really,
unbelievably, droolingly--
187
00:09:47,961 --> 00:09:50,004
Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right.
You made your point.
188
00:09:50,005 --> 00:09:52,339
Now, damn it. What happened to my partner?
189
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:55,428
Don't get ahead of yourself.
You haven't bought me a drink.
190
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,803
What'll you have?
191
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:59,346
Don't get ahead of yourself.
192
00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:00,932
You haven't kissed me.
193
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:08,147
Now, uh, the next part is kinda racy
194
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:12,612
so you listen to some nondescript
'80s rock, while I tell it to myself.
195
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:18,866
♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
196
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:21,368
She was relentless.
197
00:10:21,369 --> 00:10:24,540
I heard something I'd never heard before,
198
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,707
"Not bad".
199
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:31,629
I fell for her like Mario
over a thousand Donkey Kong barrels.
200
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:35,215
And then she told me what happened
the last night she saw Billy.
201
00:10:35,216 --> 00:10:38,721
They were following Burns
to see what he was up to.
202
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,516
Okay, listen.
You stay in the car until I get back.
203
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,937
I waited. And waited.
204
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,191
Ma'am, are you okay?
205
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:55,780
'Cause I've been staring at you
since 2:00 in the morning.
206
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,492
I never saw Billy again.
207
00:11:01,493 --> 00:11:03,702
Abe, what if Burns knows I was there?
208
00:11:03,703 --> 00:11:05,537
I guess I'll have to ask him.
209
00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:07,833
Luckily, I'm wearing my gun.
210
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,919
So what happened when you saw Burns?
211
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,337
I can't tell you.
212
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,588
Why can't you tell me?
213
00:11:14,589 --> 00:11:17,760
Because it's something
that would destroy your father.
214
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,847
That's the only chord I know.
215
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,649
Two visitors in one day.
216
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:37,027
There's something rotten
in the state of Denmark.
217
00:11:37,028 --> 00:11:40,116
Is that the state we're in?
Denmark? Ha!
218
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:45,703
Bart, Grampa knows a secret
that could destroy Dad.
219
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:50,624
Oh, my God. We certainly don't want that
falling into the wrong hands.
220
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:55,047
Boy, you're here because I need you
to sneak me out without the cops seeing.
221
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,176
Fine. I'll figure out a plan
but there's a price.
222
00:12:01,177 --> 00:12:02,511
A new bike.
223
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:04,304
No, two new bikes.
224
00:12:04,305 --> 00:12:06,348
How many bikes does one kid need?
225
00:12:06,349 --> 00:12:08,894
My goal is to be the Jay Leno of bikes.
226
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,783
There they go.
227
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:27,703
Oh, damn it. We got three or four
flat tires. Maybe five. I-I can't tell.
228
00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:29,621
Well then, we should pursue on foot.
229
00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:32,626
I-I got a doctor's note
that says I-I shouldn't run.
230
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:38,005
Well, look who came to visit me
after all these years.
231
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:40,424
Magnum Pee-yew.
232
00:12:40,425 --> 00:12:44,511
Agnes, you look terrific
'cause I can't see well anymore.
233
00:12:44,512 --> 00:12:46,054
Who is this man, Mother?
234
00:12:46,055 --> 00:12:48,265
I don't remember him
from our scrapbooking.
235
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:52,229
Seymour, shut the door and play with your
little buddy while the grown-ups talk.
236
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,938
You wanna play Chex box?
237
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,690
You mean Xbox?
238
00:12:56,691 --> 00:12:58,150
No, Chex box.
239
00:12:58,151 --> 00:13:00,944
There are two extremely challenging mazes
on the back.
240
00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,280
Would you like to get the spoon
back to the dishwasher
241
00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:05,032
or help the milk find the refrigerator?
242
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:08,118
Oh, I'd like the principal
to find his manhood, if you don't mind.
243
00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:10,579
I am muy macho, amigo.
244
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,290
Now, choose your Hello Kitty pencil
and get tracing.
245
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:16,710
Agnes, 40 years ago I let my partner down.
246
00:13:16,711 --> 00:13:18,378
Now I gotta fix that.
247
00:13:18,379 --> 00:13:21,965
Well, can it wait for a sour ball?
248
00:13:21,966 --> 00:13:25,427
Bitter on the outside
and not very satisfying,
249
00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:27,431
just like me.
250
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,723
Mmm.
251
00:13:29,724 --> 00:13:34,228
Now think, is there anything you wanna
share about that night we lost Billy?
252
00:13:34,229 --> 00:13:37,314
I have trouble remembering my meds,
my birthday,
253
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,107
even who you are, frankly.
254
00:13:39,108 --> 00:13:41,360
But I'll never forget that night.
255
00:13:41,361 --> 00:13:43,322
The road was covered in this.
256
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,453
Baby, you just broke the case.
257
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,411
Before you go,
258
00:13:51,412 --> 00:13:54,748
how's about we see what else we can break?
259
00:13:54,749 --> 00:13:58,378
Lamps or hips,
they're all replaceable.
260
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,129
Yowza!
261
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:02,381
{\an8}Okay, easy now.
262
00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:04,341
{\an8}Whoa! I got...
Oh. No. Not that elbow.
263
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:06,844
{\an8}- That knee doesn't work.
- No, no, my bursitis.
264
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,637
{\an8}Ow.
265
00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:11,642
{\an8}So sweet Wendell Willkie.
266
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,737
What's this?
267
00:14:25,738 --> 00:14:29,157
How did you get through
the unguarded grounds and sliding door?
268
00:14:29,158 --> 00:14:34,748
Burns, I'm here to finish a conversation
we started 40 years ago.
269
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:39,251
{\an8}Burns, I think you might have crossed
paths with my partner the other night.
270
00:14:39,252 --> 00:14:40,711
Oh, yes, Billy.
271
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:42,838
He, uh, said he was leaving on a trip.
272
00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:44,214
A one-way ticket.
273
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:46,426
You could say he's gone to paradise.
274
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,512
That answer's not good enough!
275
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:52,931
Daddy, I got scared alone in the car.
276
00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:55,017
I thought I gave you a coloring book.
277
00:14:55,018 --> 00:14:58,772
I ate the crayons.
278
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:03,025
Well, you and Little Boy Blue Green
and Red can exit together!
279
00:15:03,026 --> 00:15:04,277
Release the hounds!
280
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,115
Bad puppy. No love. No love! Bad puppy!
281
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:13,410
Burns, I say,
you know something about Billy!
282
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:16,163
And I'll never rest until I find out what.
283
00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:17,456
Let's make a deal.
284
00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:19,416
You forget about your ex-partner,
285
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,252
and I'll give your son a job
when he grows up.
286
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:24,588
He don't need your help.
287
00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:26,258
Daddy. Daddy!
288
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:34,556
I will give that poor, pathetic
knuckle-brain a job and never fire him,
289
00:15:34,557 --> 00:15:37,392
no matter how often
and how badly he messes up.
290
00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:39,188
Help! Help!
291
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,070
And that's why your son wasn't fired
292
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:51,323
for screwing up 742 times.
293
00:15:51,324 --> 00:15:53,200
Tarnation, is he bad!
294
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:55,077
Wait just a minute!
295
00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:58,830
All those times I screwed up
and should've been fired but wasn't,
296
00:15:58,831 --> 00:16:00,459
that was thanks to you?
297
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,376
Mm-hmm.
298
00:16:02,377 --> 00:16:04,753
No matter how big of an idiot I am,
299
00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:06,505
I can never lose my job!
300
00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,548
I'm like a Supreme Court Justice.
301
00:16:08,549 --> 00:16:11,093
Thank you, Dad.
302
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:14,054
Oh, I just did what any father would.
303
00:16:14,055 --> 00:16:16,474
I gave you the best life I could.
304
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,246
Dad, are we having a moment?
305
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:42,040
- I don't think so.
- Oh.
306
00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:43,293
Okay. Maybe.
307
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:47,129
Well, another heartwarming moment
at the Burns mansion.
308
00:16:47,130 --> 00:16:48,672
Now, off you go.
309
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:52,177
The poison gas will attack
your spinal cord within two minutes.
310
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,265
Not so fast!
311
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,726
Burns, for the sake of my son,
312
00:17:00,727 --> 00:17:03,603
I really wanted to believe you
when you said Billy was okay.
313
00:17:03,604 --> 00:17:05,063
But now I know the truth.
314
00:17:05,064 --> 00:17:07,274
Billy found out when you built the plant,
315
00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:11,111
instead of using good solid rebar,
you were using this!
316
00:17:11,112 --> 00:17:13,113
Shredded phone books!
317
00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,406
Billy found out.
318
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:15,949
So you killed him!
319
00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:18,160
Me? Kill someone?
320
00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:21,329
Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain.
321
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:23,540
Start talking or I'll cut you in two!
322
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,459
You bumped him off.
323
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:28,128
No, I paid him off.
324
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:30,630
He used the money to move
to a tropical island.
325
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:33,300
A paradise, just like I told you.
326
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:34,802
I'll call him right now!
327
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,308
Abe, is that you?
328
00:17:41,309 --> 00:17:43,268
Wow, look at you.
329
00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:44,728
You aged terribly.
330
00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:46,396
You're alive?
331
00:17:46,397 --> 00:17:49,483
Well, if you call drinking rum
out of a coconut,
332
00:17:49,484 --> 00:17:52,444
surfing, and hanging out
with beautiful women "living,"
333
00:17:52,445 --> 00:17:54,698
then yeah,
I guess I've been living.
334
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,991
Hey, Billy, want another Abe is an Idiot?
335
00:17:57,992 --> 00:18:00,869
Oh. [chuckles] That's a...
That has nothing to do with you.
336
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:03,622
That's just a, uh,
cocktail that I invented.
337
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:05,332
Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
338
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,667
Why didn't you tell me you were alive?
339
00:18:07,668 --> 00:18:11,171
Because I didn't want my ex-wife to know,
and you can't keep a secret.
340
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:13,423
Remember when you told everyone
my shoes have lifts?
341
00:18:13,424 --> 00:18:15,425
I thought it made you interesting.
342
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:16,718
It made me seem short.
343
00:18:16,719 --> 00:18:17,844
Tom Cruise short.
344
00:18:17,845 --> 00:18:20,347
I told Agnes to wait one week,
and then tell you everything.
345
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,015
Agnes knew?
346
00:18:22,016 --> 00:18:23,100
That's right, Abe.
347
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:25,018
I was lying to you all along.
348
00:18:25,019 --> 00:18:26,394
Because you were dumb.
349
00:18:26,395 --> 00:18:27,896
So, so dumb.
350
00:18:27,897 --> 00:18:30,023
So dumb.
351
00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:31,942
All right, all right. I get it.
352
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:34,653
I wanted you to think
Burns killed your partner.
353
00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,530
So you would kill Burns.
354
00:18:36,531 --> 00:18:39,282
Why would anyone want to kill me?
355
00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:40,992
Because when I got to know you,
356
00:18:40,993 --> 00:18:46,123
I realized your heart was as ugly
and withered as your ass.
357
00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:47,082
Ouch.
358
00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:50,335
Also, I snuck my name into your will
so I'd get rich when you died.
359
00:18:50,336 --> 00:18:53,173
No one's killin' no one!
360
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,470
How dare you blow the head off
the bear I killed?
361
00:19:00,471 --> 00:19:02,305
Eh, we'll all die soon enough.
362
00:19:02,306 --> 00:19:03,890
And Abe, remember this,
363
00:19:03,891 --> 00:19:07,435
you were too good a lover
to be more than just a friend.
364
00:19:07,436 --> 00:19:08,645
What does that mean?
365
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:10,897
I'm trying to leave you with something.
366
00:19:10,898 --> 00:19:12,358
I'll take it!
367
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,654
Dad, something else came out of this.
368
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:18,989
Something wonderful.
369
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,657
I learned what you did for me.
370
00:19:20,658 --> 00:19:23,745
And I get to tell you thank you
before you're gone.
371
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,209
All for you, Dad.
372
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,335
I'm done.
373
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,849
Something's been eating at me,
and I gotta find out the answer.
374
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:50,437
If Billy O'Donnell's alive, then who was
the second body in the coffin?
375
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:51,688
We tried DNA testing.
376
00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:54,274
I don't know why
we didn't do that in the first place.
377
00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:55,442
The second corpse
378
00:19:55,443 --> 00:20:00,614
was actually Springfield's beloved
business card printer, Harold Baumgartner.
379
00:20:00,615 --> 00:20:04,701
He loved his wife so much
he asked to be buried with her, literally.
380
00:20:04,702 --> 00:20:08,371
Which also explains all the other
business cards we found in the coffin.
381
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:13,043
This guy made excellent business cards.
Forty years later clear as a bell.
382
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:15,587
So the blood type was just a coincidence.
383
00:20:15,588 --> 00:20:19,424
Or maybe it was
God's way of finding closure
384
00:20:19,425 --> 00:20:21,468
for a bunch of lost souls.
385
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:24,095
But that was some nice work
you did there, kid.
386
00:20:24,096 --> 00:20:26,640
Hey, how would you like to join the force?
387
00:20:26,641 --> 00:20:28,975
I think she's too young, Chief.
388
00:20:28,976 --> 00:20:31,853
Lou, you can't know that
until you give her a gun.
389
00:20:31,854 --> 00:20:33,146
Am I right, Ralphie?
390
00:20:33,147 --> 00:20:35,482
Do I shoot toward the talking?
391
00:20:35,483 --> 00:20:37,569
I think I'm just gonna run home now.
392
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:43,533
{\an8}♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
393
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,993
{\an8}♪ I just ran ♪
394
00:20:46,994 --> 00:20:50,165
{\an8}♪ I ran all night and day ♪
395
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:56,755
{\an8}♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
396
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,131
{\an8}♪ I just ran ♪
397
00:21:00,132 --> 00:21:03,303
{\an8}♪ I couldn't get away ♪