1
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,509
{\an8}[Grampa] They say women
are like soda water.
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,845
{\an8}They go better with a gallon of scotch.
3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,224
{\an8}And when the weather is hot,
we drink a lot.
4
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:26,150
{\an8}And sometimes it's so hot people open
their windows to let the air in,
5
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,653
{\an8}and their secrets out.
6
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:30,654
{\an8}[whirring stops]
7
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,740
{\an8}No! [grunts]
8
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:35,660
{\an8}No. Don't go. Your tiny feet are so cool.
9
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,415
{\an8}Wait. I know a place to go.
10
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,294
{\an8}Where the people always say it's too cold.
11
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,546
{\an8}[machine humming]
12
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,675
{\an8}Get your own cooling duct!
13
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:55,512
{\an8}Typical. My entire life
you've never done one nice thing for me.
14
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,264
{\an8}And I'm always kind and loving.
15
00:00:57,265 --> 00:01:01,101
{\an8}So redirect that AC
or we're moving you to a worse home.
16
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,603
{\an8}There is no worse home.
17
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,688
{\an8}I mean the one they put veterans in.
18
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:07,192
{\an8}You monster! Elder abuse!
19
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,777
{\an8}What took you so long?
20
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,113
{\an8}I'm not sure what you're talking about,
Abe "Grampa" Simpson.
21
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,574
{\an8}But we need your help
with an investigation.
22
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,035
{\an8}And I mean now.
23
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,963
{\an8}They're digging up
these poor people's graves?
24
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,048
{\an8}Now, don't worry.
25
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:34,927
{\an8}They're putting up a monument to
the suffering of these unfortunate souls.
26
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,514
[truck beeping]
27
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,807
{\an8}What are we doing here?
28
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,893
{\an8}We're here
because when they dug up one grave,
29
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,105
{\an8}they saw something no one should see.
30
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,817
{\an8}Come on, kids. Let me show ya.
Get your phones.
31
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:58,409
{\an8}Somebody snuck a second body in here.
32
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:05,041
{\an8}And on that extra body, we found this.
33
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,002
[Lisa] "Simpson and O'Donnell
Private Investigators.
34
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,630
Ask for Abe"?
35
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,887
{\an8}Grampa, you were a private detective?
It takes you an hour to find your socks.
36
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:21,265
All right, Wiggum. You showed me
what you wanted to show me.
37
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,726
Now, in this country a man can say
what he wants and do what he wants.
38
00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,436
Except on college campuses
39
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,731
where you can say some things
but not others and it's unclear which.
40
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,525
Hey, you can leave anytime,
41
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:36,405
after you explain
how your business card got on that body.
42
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,739
Fine. I'll talk.
43
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,243
But only at the home
with a nurse-call button nearby.
44
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,995
Those things aren't even hooked up.
45
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,374
Pushing the button is my exercise.
46
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,585
See?
47
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,090
Oh. I never saw that part before.
48
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,592
You think it's hot today?
49
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,678
It's nothin' compared
to the summer of '82.
50
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:03,015
It was like living inside the sun
with the heat on.
51
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,893
Billy and me had been partners
for a couple years.
52
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,186
There was plenty of work.
53
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,105
Divorce cases, Roller Derby hit-and-runs.
54
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,984
But this particular day was mighty slow.
55
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,570
Ah, nice shot. You should be in the NBA.
56
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,198
You too, pal. [chuckles]
You look great in short shorts.
57
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,535
You mean the shorts that
everybody wears now in the '80s?
58
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,413
[Grampa] Then she came in.
59
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,248
I was looking for a detective.
60
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,627
But it seems
I found a mutual admiration society.
61
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,629
Are you here to join?
62
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,298
First, I'd have to admire you.
63
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:40,969
I'm Agnes Skinner.
And I want you to follow my boyfriend.
64
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,888
Oh. Who's your boyfriend?
65
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:46,225
A rich bald vulture
by the name of Montgomery Burns.
66
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,728
I think he's cheating on me
with someone younger and sexier.
67
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,064
- I don't buy your story.
- Which part?
68
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,567
The part where there's someone
younger and sexier than you.
69
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,112
Mmm. It just got really hot in here.
70
00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,988
Towel me off?
71
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,574
[moans]
72
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:06,621
Are you my new mommy?
'Cause I am owed a lot of tuckin' in.
73
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:12,168
[sighs] Uh, Daddy's, uh, busy, son.
W-Why don't you play with these handcuffs?
74
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,127
Oh, boy.
75
00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:18,548
[scoffs] If you're babysitting,
I guess I'll take my business elsewhere.
76
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,800
H-Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
77
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:24,179
What if I go with Agnes, you know,
and kinda check things out?
78
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:28,267
Okay. But remember, you're representing
the firm, so act professional.
79
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,685
[exhales sharply] Yes.
80
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,772
[scatting]
81
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,442
I don't get a new mommy?
82
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:40,028
I'll be your daddy and your mommy, Son.
83
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:42,072
Now, be quiet and leave me alone.
84
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,699
And that was that.
85
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,034
Now if you're finished,
it's Tapioca Tuesday,
86
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,578
and I'm jonesing for something
bland and lumpy.
87
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:52,041
- Tapioca.
- Tapioca.
88
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,586
Slow down there, Humphrey Go-cart.
89
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:58,672
What did your partner say
when he got back?
90
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:02,384
Nothing. Which isn't surprising
because he never came back.
91
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,636
Never came back? What did you do?
92
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,471
Got new business cards.
93
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:10,225
"Abe Simpson and nobody.
Private investigators."
94
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,727
I'm not surprised.
95
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,062
My dad never does anything for anybody.
96
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:17,733
Homer, let the policemen
give your dad the third degree.
97
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,484
Wiggum, I'm done singing.
98
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,321
But here's an encore for you. Get lost!
99
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,699
Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you
in an interrogation room
100
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:30,495
with a bare light bulb, no bathroom,
and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg?
101
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,247
I'd call that an upgrade.
102
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,083
- [electricity crackles]
- [thuds]
103
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,918
Okay. Fine. We'll leave for now.
104
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:40,756
But I am officially declaring you
a person of interest.
105
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:44,134
Wow, Grampa. You're finally interesting.
Can we hang out?
106
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,552
Yeah, but I ain't talking.
107
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:46,888
Perfect.
108
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,390
I can't believe it.
109
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:53,518
Would Grampa really not look
for his partner?
110
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,479
It's exactly what he would do.
111
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,066
He didn't look for his missing wife.
He couldn't find our runaway dog.
112
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,109
He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo
113
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:04,154
until the chimpanzee
in the car seat threw up.
114
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,074
He still sends that monkey birthday cards.
115
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,658
Maybe I could get some answers
116
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:11,661
from a forensic analysis
of the old business card.
117
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:15,082
Lisa, I don't like it
when you dust for residues.
118
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:18,752
Please, please, please.
I promise I'll only look for splatter.
119
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,338
Okay. But put down a newspaper.
120
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,007
What the hell is a newspaper?
121
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,387
Bart, there's blood on this card.
122
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,721
Type AB negative.
123
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,891
Which is only one percent
of the population.
124
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,352
Amazing. You can make even blood boring.
125
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:39,773
If Billy O'Donnell had the same
blood type, it could be him in the coffin.
126
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,858
Coffin, eh? You're saying he's a vampire?
127
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,777
[imitating Bela Lugosi as Dracula]
Yes, he's a vampire.
128
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,947
We must inwestigate his blood. Blah!
129
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,699
You're treating me like a child.
And I love it.
130
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,535
Say "blah" two more times and I'm in.
131
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,120
Blah. Blah.
132
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,413
Okay. Blood type.
133
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,665
I know two people
with all the information in town.
134
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,959
- But it'll cost you.
- How much?
135
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,963
I'm afraid we're gonna have
to spend some time with them.
136
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,466
Here's the medical techs
at my barium swallow.
137
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:07,884
Here's me waking up
138
00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:10,554
because the anesthesia
wasn't strong enough.
139
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:13,390
And here's the kink in my esophagus.
140
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,560
And here's us
transferring our slides to video.
141
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,020
Transferring.
142
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:22,399
Now here's us transferring our video
to digital.
143
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,693
Transferring. Transferring.
144
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,819
Transferring.
145
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,405
[customer] Hey, can we get some service?
146
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,324
Snoop till your heart's content, kids.
147
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:35,912
But remember, that information
belongs to the people of Springfield.
148
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,291
Show them the respect they deserve.
149
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:42,961
O'Bannon, O'Brady, O'Connell, O'Connor.
150
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,713
Lotta Irish in this town.
151
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,841
O'Day, O'Dell, O'Doh-de-o'doh.
152
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,177
[gasps] O'Donnell. Billy O'Donnell.
153
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,928
Blood type: AB negative.
154
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:54,347
It's a match. I'm taking this to Grampa.
155
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,017
[gasps] Did you know
Lenny has only one butt cheek?
156
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,020
No wonder he keeps falling off his stool.
157
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,606
- [thuds]
- Not my fault.
158
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,359
Chief, that's the old man's granddaughter.
159
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,612
And you didn't want to set up a stakeout.
160
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,573
No, I wanted to. You didn't.
161
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,283
Well, somebody did... Shut up.
162
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,035
It's the same blood type.
163
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,704
I bet you wanna get right back
on that trail.
164
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,457
That trail is 40 years old.
165
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:23,710
Colder than the hands of the orderly
who puts my gown on.
166
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,380
Hey, orderlies have feelings too. [sobs]
167
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:32,219
The DMV found Billy's abandoned car
on old Apple Blossom Parkway.
168
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:36,556
Which is now the location
of the Springfield Nuclear Plant.
169
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:37,808
Well?
170
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,812
You're messing with things
you should let lie.
171
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:46,066
And you're lying about messes
you should let thing.
172
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,817
Nobody talks to me like that.
173
00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:50,070
I'm what that way talks how.
174
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,239
I always looked up to you, Grampa.
175
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:56,409
Well, I'm shrinking every day.
So I'll be down to you mighty soon.
176
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,995
I can't believe you didn't even try!
177
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:02,040
But, but... [groans] Damn it, I did try.
178
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:06,336
Checked with his ex-wife, his bookie,
his dance instructor.
179
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,714
Sorry, handsome. You are barking up
the wrong tree, four, five, six.
180
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:14,094
Back step, kick step, shuffle ball change.
[vocalizing]
181
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,680
[Grampa] There was only one person
who could tell me what happened.
182
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:17,847
Agnes.
183
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,892
But it was like she disappeared
off the face of the earth.
184
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,853
Burns was guarding her tighter
than a human LoJack.
185
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:27,274
Finally I got a tip
from her favorite leg warmer store.
186
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,569
I found her at the marina.
187
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,070
I'm trying to talk business.
188
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,698
And you bring me
to the most romantic spot in town?
189
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,951
You are really making it hard
for me to focus.
190
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,453
You're not very smart. I like that.
191
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:44,332
I mean, you're really, really stupid.
I find that sexy.
192
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:47,961
I mean, you are really,
unbelievably, droolingly--
193
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,005
Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right.
You made your point.
194
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,340
Now, damn it. What happened to my partner?
195
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:55,428
Don't get ahead of yourself.
You haven't bought me a drink.
196
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,804
What'll you have?
197
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,347
Don't get ahead of yourself.
198
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,932
You haven't kissed me.
199
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,142
[Grampa groans]
200
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,228
[moans]
201
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:08,148
Now, uh, the next part is kinda racy
202
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:12,612
so you listen to some nondescript
'80s rock, while I tell it to myself.
203
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:18,867
♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
204
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,369
[Grampa] She was relentless.
205
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,540
I heard something I'd never heard before,
206
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,708
"Not bad".
207
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:31,630
I fell for her like Mario
over a thousand Donkey Kong barrels.
208
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,216
And then she told me what happened
the last night she saw Billy.
209
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:38,721
They were following Burns
to see what he was up to.
210
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,516
Okay, listen.
You stay in the car until I get back.
211
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,937
[Young Agnes] I waited. And waited.
212
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,106
[snores]
213
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,192
Ma'am, are you okay?
214
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,780
'Cause I've been staring at you
since 2:00 in the morning.
215
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,493
I never saw Billy again.
216
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,703
Abe, what if Burns knows I was there?
217
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,538
I guess I'll have to ask him.
218
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:07,833
Luckily, I'm wearing my gun.
219
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,920
So what happened when you saw Burns?
220
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,338
I can't tell you.
221
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,589
Why can't you tell me?
222
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,760
Because it's something
that would destroy your father.
223
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,678
[violin plays]
224
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,847
That's the only chord I know.
225
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,650
Two visitors in one day.
226
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:37,028
There's something rotten
in the state of Denmark.
227
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:40,116
[scoffs] Is that the state we're in?
Denmark? Ha!
228
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:45,704
Bart, Grampa knows a secret
that could destroy Dad.
229
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:50,625
Oh, my God. We certainly don't want that
falling into the wrong hands. [chuckles]
230
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:55,047
Boy, you're here because I need you
to sneak me out without the cops seeing.
231
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,177
Fine. I'll figure out a plan
but there's a price.
232
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,512
A new bike.
233
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,305
No, two new bikes.
234
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,349
How many bikes does one kid need?
235
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,894
My goal is to be the Jay Leno of bikes.
236
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,783
- There they go.
- [engine starts, stalls]
237
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:27,704
Oh, damn it. We got three or four
flat tires. Maybe five. I-I can't tell.
238
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,622
Well then, we should pursue on foot.
239
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,626
I-I got a doctor's note
that says I-I shouldn't run.
240
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:38,006
Well, look who came to visit me
after all these years.
241
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,425
Magnum Pee-yew.
242
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:44,512
Agnes, you look terrific
'cause I can't see well anymore.
243
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,055
Who is this man, Mother?
244
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,266
I don't remember him
from our scrapbooking.
245
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:52,229
Seymour, shut the door and play with your
little buddy while the grown-ups talk.
246
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,939
You wanna play Chex box?
247
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,691
You mean Xbox?
248
00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,151
No, Chex box.
249
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,945
There are two extremely challenging mazes
on the back.
250
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,281
Would you like to get the spoon
back to the dishwasher
251
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,033
or help the milk find the refrigerator?
252
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,119
Oh, I'd like the principal
to find his manhood, if you don't mind.
253
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,580
I am muy macho, amigo.
254
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,291
Now, choose your Hello Kitty pencil
and get tracing.
255
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,711
Agnes, 40 years ago I let my partner down.
256
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,379
Now I gotta fix that.
257
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:21,966
Well, can it wait for a sour ball?
258
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,428
Bitter on the outside
and not very satisfying,
259
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,431
just like me.
260
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,724
Mmm. [chuckles]
261
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:34,229
Now think, is there anything you wanna
share about that night we lost Billy?
262
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,315
I have trouble remembering my meds,
my birthday,
263
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,108
even who you are, frankly.
264
00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:41,361
But I'll never forget that night.
265
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:43,322
The road was covered in this.
266
00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,453
Baby, you just broke the case.
267
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,412
Before you go,
268
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,749
how's about we see what else we can break?
269
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:58,378
Lamps or hips,
they're all replaceable. [laughs]
270
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,838
[Agnes moaning]
271
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,130
Yowza!
272
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,382
{\an8}[Agnes] Okay, easy now.
273
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,342
{\an8}[Grampa] Whoa! I got...
Oh. No. Not that elbow.
274
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,845
{\an8}- [Agnes] That knee doesn't work.
- [Grampa] No, no, my bursitis.
275
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,638
{\an8}- [Agnes groans] Ow. [groaning]
- [Grampa groaning]
276
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,642
{\an8}[Grampa] So sweet Wendell Willkie.
277
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,738
What's this?
278
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:29,158
How did you get through
the unguarded grounds and sliding door?
279
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:34,748
Burns, I'm here to finish a conversation
we started 40 years ago.
280
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:39,252
{\an8}Burns, I think you might have crossed
paths with my partner the other night.
281
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,712
Oh, yes, Billy.
282
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,839
He, uh, said he was leaving on a trip.
283
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,215
A one-way ticket.
284
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,426
You could say he's gone to paradise.
285
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,386
[chuckling]
286
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,513
That answer's not good enough!
287
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,932
Daddy, I got scared alone in the car.
288
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,018
I thought I gave you a coloring book.
289
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,772
I ate the crayons. [groaning]
290
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:03,026
Well, you and Little Boy Blue Green
and Red can exit together!
291
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,277
Release the hounds!
292
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,238
- [door motor whirring]
- [puppies barking]
293
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,116
Bad puppy. No love. No love! Bad puppy!
294
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:13,411
Burns, I say,
you know something about Billy!
295
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,164
And I'll never rest until I find out what.
296
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,457
Let's make a deal.
297
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,417
You forget about your ex-partner,
298
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,253
and I'll give your son a job
when he grows up.
299
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,589
He don't need your help.
300
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,258
[Little Homer] Daddy. Daddy!
301
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:34,557
I will give that poor, pathetic
knuckle-brain a job and never fire him,
302
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:37,393
no matter how often
and how badly he messes up.
303
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,188
[Little Homer] Help! Help!
304
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,566
[groans]
305
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,071
And that's why your son wasn't fired
306
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,324
for screwing up 742 times.
307
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,201
Tarnation, is he bad!
308
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,078
Wait just a minute!
309
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:58,831
All those times I screwed up
and should've been fired but wasn't,
310
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,459
that was thanks to you?
311
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,377
Mm-hmm.
312
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,754
No matter how big of an idiot I am,
313
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,506
I can never lose my job!
314
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,549
I'm like a Supreme Court Justice.
315
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:11,094
[sniffles] Thank you, Dad.
316
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:14,055
Oh, I just did what any father would.
317
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,474
I gave you the best life I could.
318
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:17,893
[sentimental music playing]
319
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,370
[sentimental music ends]
320
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,247
Dad, are we having a moment?
321
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,041
- I don't think so.
- [both] Oh.
322
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,293
Okay. Maybe.
323
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:47,130
Well, another heartwarming moment
at the Burns mansion.
324
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,673
Now, off you go.
325
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,177
The poison gas will attack
your spinal cord within two minutes.
326
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,265
- [machine hissing]
- Not so fast!
327
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,891
- [switch clicks]
- [machine whirring]
328
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,727
Burns, for the sake of my son,
329
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,604
I really wanted to believe you
when you said Billy was okay.
330
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,064
But now I know the truth.
331
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,275
Billy found out when you built the plant,
332
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:11,112
instead of using good solid rebar,
you were using this!
333
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,114
Shredded phone books!
334
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,407
Billy found out.
335
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,950
So you killed him!
336
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,161
Me? Kill someone?
337
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,330
Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain.
338
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,541
Start talking or I'll cut you in two!
339
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,460
You bumped him off.
340
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,129
No, I paid him off. [exhales sharply]
341
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,631
He used the money to move
to a tropical island.
342
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:33,301
A paradise, just like I told you.
343
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,802
I'll call him right now!
344
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:35,971
[phone rings]
345
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,599
[phone rings, beeps]
346
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,309
Abe, is that you?
347
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,269
Wow, look at you. [chuckles]
348
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,729
You aged terribly.
349
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,397
You're alive?
350
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:49,484
Well, if you call drinking rum
out of a coconut,
351
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:52,445
surfing, and hanging out
with beautiful women "living,"
352
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,698
then yeah,
I guess I've been living. [chuckles]
353
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,992
Hey, Billy, want another Abe is an Idiot?
354
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,870
Oh. [chuckles] That's a...
That has nothing to do with you.
355
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,623
That's just a, uh,
cocktail that I invented.
356
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,333
Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
357
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,668
Why didn't you tell me you were alive?
358
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:11,172
Because I didn't want my ex-wife to know,
and you can't keep a secret.
359
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,424
Remember when you told everyone
my shoes have lifts?
360
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,426
I thought it made you interesting.
361
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,719
It made me seem short.
362
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,845
Tom Cruise short.
363
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,348
I told Agnes to wait one week,
and then tell you everything.
364
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,016
Agnes knew?
365
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,101
That's right, Abe.
366
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,019
I was lying to you all along.
367
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,395
Because you were dumb.
368
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:27,897
So, so dumb.
369
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,024
So dumb.
370
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,943
- All right, all right. I get it.
- [phone beeps]
371
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,654
I wanted you to think
Burns killed your partner.
372
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,531
So you would kill Burns.
373
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,283
Why would anyone want to kill me?
374
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,993
Because when I got to know you,
375
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:46,124
I realized your heart was as ugly
and withered as your ass.
376
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,083
Ouch.
377
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,336
Also, I snuck my name into your will
so I'd get rich when you died.
378
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:53,173
- [hammer cocks]
- No one's killin' no one!
379
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,471
How dare you blow the head off
the bear I killed?
380
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,306
Eh, we'll all die soon enough.
381
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,891
And Abe, remember this,
382
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:07,436
you were too good a lover
to be more than just a friend.
383
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:08,646
What does that mean?
384
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,898
I'm trying to leave you with something.
385
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:12,358
I'll take it!
386
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,902
[Agnes moans]
387
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,655
Dad, something else came out of this.
388
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:18,990
Something wonderful.
389
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,658
I learned what you did for me.
390
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,745
And I get to tell you thank you
before you're gone.
391
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,209
All for you, Dad.
392
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,335
I'm done.
393
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:32,671
[groans]
394
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:45,850
Something's been eating at me,
and I gotta find out the answer.
395
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:50,438
If Billy O'Donnell's alive, then who was
the second body in the coffin?
396
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,689
We tried DNA testing.
397
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,275
[chuckles] I don't know why
we didn't do that in the first place.
398
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,443
The second corpse
399
00:19:55,444 --> 00:20:00,615
was actually Springfield's beloved
business card printer, Harold Baumgartner.
400
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,702
He loved his wife so much
he asked to be buried with her, literally.
401
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:08,372
Which also explains all the other
business cards we found in the coffin.
402
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:13,044
This guy made excellent business cards.
Forty years later clear as a bell.
403
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,588
So the blood type was just a coincidence.
404
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:19,425
[gasps] Or maybe it was
God's way of finding closure
405
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:21,469
for a bunch of lost souls.
406
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,096
But that was some nice work
you did there, kid.
407
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,641
Hey, how would you like to join the force?
408
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,976
[stammers] I think she's too young, Chief.
409
00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:31,854
Lou, you can't know that
until you give her a gun.
410
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,147
Am I right, Ralphie?
411
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,483
Do I shoot toward the talking?
412
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,569
I think I'm just gonna run home now.
413
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:43,533
{\an8}♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
414
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,994
{\an8}♪ I just ran ♪
415
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:50,165
{\an8}♪ I ran all night and day ♪
416
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:56,755
{\an8}♪ And I ran, I ran so far away ♪
417
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,132
{\an8}♪ I just ran ♪
418
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:03,303
{\an8}♪ I couldn't get away ♪