1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,297 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,511 {\an8}[groans] 3 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,309 [school bell rings] 4 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,284 [tires screech] 5 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,922 {\an8}Okay, ladies. Let's all take out this month's book. 6 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,924 {\an8}Then open it, close it, 7 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,886 {\an8}and break out the wine! 8 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,639 {\an8}You're supposed to say "Whoo." [chuckles] 9 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:03,270 {\an8}Luann, we're not feeling very "Whoo." What we're feeling is "woo-oried." 10 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,230 {\an8}This is an intervention. 11 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,399 {\an8}I don't have a problem with drinking. 12 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,901 {\an8}It's not the wine. 13 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,362 {\an8}Luann, you have an addiction to wine merch. [sighs] 14 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,281 {\an8}And we say this out of love. 15 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,616 {\an8}It's super annoying. 16 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,744 {\an8}[all agreeing] 17 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,122 {\an8}But it's such a fun way of telling the world, "I like wine." 18 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,582 {\an8}"Mom Fuel." 19 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,501 "Corks are for quitters." 20 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,420 {\an8}"Wine is the answer." "What was the question?" [chuckles] 21 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:32,591 {\an8}The questions is: Do you want to live your life like this? 22 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,928 {\an8}Oh, and I suppose all your throw pillows just say nothing? 23 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,431 {\an8}Anyway, it's not like it's hurting anyone. 24 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,182 {\an8}Isn't it? 25 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,726 {\an8}I'm the closing manager at Mom Goods. 26 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:43,936 {\an8}I was injured 27 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,231 {\an8}when you got into a fight with another customer over an apron 28 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,901 {\an8}that says "This is my wine bib." 29 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,029 {\an8}Luann, we're here for you. 30 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:57,616 {\an8}But being a funny wine mom is my thing. 31 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,994 {\an8}I have absolutely nothing else in my life. 32 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:02,621 {\an8}[sighs] 33 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,373 {\an8}You like coffee, right? 34 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,501 {\an8}What if your new personality was coffee? 35 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,461 Coffee merch doesn't get me there! 36 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,256 - Chocolate? - "It's chocolate o'clock somewhere"? 37 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,216 That makes no sense, Bernice. 38 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,386 How about "proud slut"? 39 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,180 I love it. 40 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,226 And here is your very first merch. 41 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:28,188 {\an8}- [Marge] Yay! - [all laughing and cheering] 42 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:30,065 Good bye, Malibu Stacy! 43 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:33,152 - Good luck, Malibu Stacy! - Miss you already! 44 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,155 Good bye, all you think-piece-inspiring Malibu Stacys! 45 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:40,326 I'm going to the real world to find the little girl who loves me the most. 46 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,300 [sighs] I knew this day would co... 47 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,718 And you're not here for me. 48 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,887 Hi, Shauna! 49 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,641 Um. Who are you, freak? Besides a freaky freak, you freak. 50 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,436 I'm Malibu Stacy. You're Malibu Stacy. 51 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,229 I came here from Malibu Stacy Land, 52 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,149 because a real girl who plays with me needs my help. 53 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,901 And that's you, Shauna. 54 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,403 You still play with dolls? 55 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,988 [gasps] No. 56 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,823 It's okay to be complicated. 57 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:22,993 As women, we can encompass multitudes. 58 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,454 - Encompass my fist. - [screams] 59 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,914 Yeah! Get her! 60 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,458 Get outta here and leave me alone, loser. 61 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,710 I'm so sorry. Meet me at home after school. 62 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,630 We'll have a tea party. I love you so much. 63 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:39,469 [groans] You're not fighting me. You're fighting your fears of growing up. 64 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,433 [grunts] 65 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,438 [groans] 66 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,857 [yawns] 67 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,692 Ah. Good night, Nelly. 68 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,694 Mama, could you tell me a story? 69 00:03:57,695 --> 00:04:00,822 How about one from the Kingdom of the Classy Ladies? 70 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,574 Another one? 71 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:06,411 Aw, please! I never get tired of their adventures. 72 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,580 Well, once upon a time, 73 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,626 there was a beautiful princess named Muntzeena. 74 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:19,383 Oh, and she loved to dance with all of her friends atop the glittery stage of... 75 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,094 [Nelson] Lord Tracksuit's Manor! 76 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,596 [Mrs. Muntz] One fine eve, a party of Knights 77 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:29,268 of the Order of the Bachelor from the Valley of Silicon were there, 78 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,353 tossing much gold. 79 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:34,648 Did they bring a wizard with them who could control the weather? 80 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,233 Oh, they sure did. 81 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,112 And boy, oh boy, did he make it rain. 82 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,280 But treachery was in the air, 83 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:46,827 as the evil princess, Rylee, with two E's, stepped onto the stage 84 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:52,082 bidding the troubadour play Poureth Some Sugar Unto Me. 85 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:56,837 But that's Princess Muntzeena's frolicking ditty. Rylee stole it! 86 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:57,921 Indeed. 87 00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:00,132 And, filled with righteous fury, 88 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:06,471 Muntzeena removed her magical lucite heel and chucked it at Rylee's stupid face. 89 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:11,476 Ooh. Princess Muntzeena didn't get docked two weeks' pay again, did she? 90 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:16,523 No. Because the Keeper of the Door, Sir Gordo of the Latin Kings, 91 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,818 is fair, and wise and kinda into older broads. 92 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,155 So he banished Princess Rylee to the Shift of the Morn', 93 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,908 when all the princes are sleeping off last night's potions. 94 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,786 [Nelson] Then King Nelson came in, stole all the ducats, 95 00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:32,956 and treated Muntzeena to lunch at Krustyburger. 96 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,542 Oh, my hero. 97 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,961 No, Mom. You're mine. 98 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,671 Ah, shut up. 99 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,090 [both grunting] 100 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,386 Fun fact about Jennifer Garner, Marge. 101 00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,263 She'll take a night at home with the kids 102 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,266 over a Hollywood premiere any day of the week. 103 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,810 I told you that. 104 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:57,105 Oh, I forgot the tampons. Can you go grab a box? 105 00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,984 Shh! [whispers] The checkout stranger can hear. 106 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:05,073 They don't care what you buy. Just get the tampons. We're in a hurry. 107 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,951 {\an8}That's a "Happy Graduation" card. 108 00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:13,205 Oh! It's not... [whispers] ...those things? 109 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,500 I guess I'm bad at shopping, so you'll have to go get... 110 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,711 - [whispers] ...those things. - Ugh. Fine. 111 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,338 Stop right there, Marge. 112 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,798 Don't play dumb, Homer. 113 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:27,178 Do you even realize all the embarrassing stuff your wife buys for you? 114 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,932 ♪ Incompetent husband, You weak little punk ♪ 115 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,310 ♪ Your selfless wife buys creams To soothe the rash on your junk ♪ 116 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:38,688 ♪ Incompetent husband, Just be a grown man ♪ 117 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:42,067 ♪ She didn't flinch When she bought you an XL bed pan ♪ 118 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,985 [both] ♪ You weren't even injured ♪ 119 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,737 [both] ♪ You weren't even sick ♪ 120 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,448 [both] ♪ Just too drunk To make it to the can ♪ 121 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,952 ♪ To the can, to the can To the can, can, can ♪ 122 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,871 ♪ Stop shaming me In front of Hans Moleman ♪ 123 00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,832 Oh, we're just getting started. 124 00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,460 {\an8}♪ Your fungus has infections Your infections have the runs ♪ 125 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:03,547 {\an8}♪ Gassy nipples, crotch foot Massive hemorrhoids on your buns ♪ 126 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,883 ♪ You said they don't remember Or care what we buy ♪ 127 00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:10,638 ♪ It's a little disconcerting But I'm glad they're on my side ♪ 128 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,808 ♪ She gets you meds for blood pressure Cholesterol and gout ♪ 129 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,936 ♪ I wanna get the tampons But I can't figure it out ♪ 130 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,314 ♪ Yes, you can, yes, you can Yes, you can, can, can ♪ 131 00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,193 ♪ She texted you a photo of the brand ♪ 132 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:30,532 ♪ Incompetent husband, we're so onto you ♪ 133 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:35,120 ♪ You're only bad at doing things You don't want to do ♪ 134 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:40,542 ♪ You can't be this stupid It's all just a ruse ♪ 135 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:44,171 Okay, okay. I'll do it. I'll buy my wife tampons. 136 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,714 Just tell me where they are. 137 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:49,969 ♪ Incompetent husband, aisle two ♪ 138 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,683 Breaking news. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 139 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:59,394 A ship carrying America's entire supply of cigarettes 140 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,980 has become lodged in the Panama Canal. 141 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,859 R. D. R. D. R. D. 142 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,528 [ship horns honking] 143 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,698 Do you think the honking is helping? 'Cause I don't. 144 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,367 Experts say the cigarette shortage could mean months 145 00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,788 before shelves are restocked and lungs re-blackened. 146 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:23,668 {\an8}[grunts] I hope we have enough smokes to last until this is over. 147 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,380 {\an8}I'm sure we'll be okay if we just pool all our cigarettes. 148 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:28,966 {\an8}You know, share. 149 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,846 {\an8}Yeah. Share. Share the cigarettes. 150 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:37,307 {\an8}Thing is, I don't have any. 151 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,643 {\an8}Yeah, me neither. 152 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,660 Liar. 153 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,955 Busted. 154 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:01,582 Addict. 155 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,293 "J'accuse." 156 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,047 "J'accuse" you. 157 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,300 - Aha! - Aha! 158 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,554 [both coughing and spluttering] 159 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,517 [alarm beeping] 160 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:29,943 Ooh. Hey there, handsome. What's your name? 161 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,611 Dr. Julius Hibbert. 162 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,071 No, it's not. 163 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:37,033 [sighs] Remember? Tonight we're role-playing as strangers 164 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,369 meeting for a tawdry one-night stand 165 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:43,164 that my therapist says will reinvigorate our marriage. 166 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,418 I'm a man of science, not improv. 167 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,298 Okay, okay. I'll give it a try. [clears throat] 168 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,133 Hello, stranger. 169 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:57,137 Got any sexually transmitted diseases I should know about? 170 00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,473 [groans] My name is Lavern McCray. 171 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,350 I'm a lingerie model. 172 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,977 Well, we have that in common. 173 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,979 You're a lingerie model? 174 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,858 No. Uh, my name is also Lavern McCray. 175 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,861 I mean, Mavern "McDoLittle"? 176 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,406 - Uh, I'm a doc... - [growls] 177 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:21,786 ...documentarian of motorcycles which I race for, uh, pleasure. 178 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,873 Oh, Mavern, you're just full of surprises. 179 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,250 Help! This man is choking! 180 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,919 Is anyone here a doctor? 181 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,671 Me. I'm a... 182 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:35,258 [coughs] I'ma hoping you find a doctor before it's too late. 183 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,261 You want me to let a man die to give our marriage a boost? 184 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:39,596 It would be a start. 185 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,432 Oh, my God. He's turning blue. 186 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,934 I can help. I'm a French neurosurgeon. 187 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,229 No, he's not. We're just role-playing. 188 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,440 You said if I stayed in character, we could have sex. 189 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,858 I took an oath, woman. 190 00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,777 I deserve passion! 191 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,236 A sad scene. 192 00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:58,990 Remember, if you're going to role-play, play it safe. 193 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:02,952 This has been a message from the President's Council on Marital Role-Play, 194 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:06,581 which does not exist because I'm only pretending to be a spokesperson 195 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,000 to turn on the men in this bar. 196 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,794 Role-play, baby. I dig it. 197 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,380 Fireman Stu is hot for you. 198 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,548 I caught one. 199 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,634 We caught you, Luigi. 200 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:21,805 You've been smuggling diamonds inside your four-cheese gnocchi. 201 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:26,060 Being caught with loaded gnocchi is no "gn-jokey." 202 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,229 [whimpers] I want-a my mama. 203 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,856 What you should want is a lawyer. 204 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,360 How's about both? 205 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:38,697 ♪ She was making antipasto With a chop-chop-chop-a ♪ 206 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,491 ♪ When her baby boy was taken By the cop-cop-cop-a ♪ 207 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:44,244 ♪ With-a-out her son She knew her heart would-a stop-a ♪ 208 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:47,957 ♪ Life had given her a sock in the jaw ♪ 209 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,751 {\an8}♪ So she headed up to Harvard Where they have a law school-a ♪ 210 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,713 ♪ Her homespun wisdom Made the stuffed shirts drool-a ♪ 211 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,632 ♪ She no speak-a so good But she's nobody's fool-a ♪ 212 00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,803 ♪ That's how she became "Mamma-at-Law" ♪ 213 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,518 It's-a not looking good, Mamma. They gonna send me away forever. 214 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,273 Counselor Mamma, your closing argument. 215 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,986 [clears throat] 216 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:27,287 Don't you dare take-a my sweet, sweet, sweet baby boy to jail. 217 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,373 You want to kill an old woman? 218 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:33,585 - Uh, no. - Oh, thank you. 219 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,962 You're too skinny. Have some ziti. 220 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:39,299 We find the defendant not guilty. 221 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,468 {\an8}[applause] 222 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,970 Next week on the Mamma-at-Law. 223 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:47,348 Civil forfeitures laws unfairly discriminate 224 00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,976 against low-income communities. 225 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,603 You're too skinny. 226 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,105 ♪ Mamma-at-Law ♪ 227 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,403 [classical music plays] 228 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:08,537 [Lunchlady Dora] I believe every great dish is born of dreams. 229 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:13,834 I'll often awaken with a new creation fully formed in my head. 230 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:20,006 Every morning, I go to the farmer's market to get inspired. 231 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:24,928 Each ingredient becomes a character in the story of lunch. 232 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:31,685 Today's story is, I have 14 bucks and 500 kids to feed. 233 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:38,025 Salt. Fat. Acid. Heat. No, thanks. 234 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,652 {\an8}I've eaten in restaurants all over the world, 235 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:44,364 {\an8}and Lunchlady Dora is doing things I never thought were possible. 236 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,448 {\an8}Or legal. 237 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,242 {\an8}Someone needs to stop her. 238 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,369 Maybe the government? 239 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,789 [Lunchlady Dora] When I present my food, 240 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,875 {\an8}I want it to evoke an emotion. 241 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,211 Panic. 242 00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:04,426 {\an8}[♪ "The Four Seasons: Summer" by Vivaldi playing] 243 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,228 [Lunchlady Dora] If I wasn't a cook, I'd probably be a painter 244 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,646 or a novelist. 245 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:20,526 Some other job where I could drink vodka from a mug and knock off by two. 246 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,249 Narnia. 247 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,585 All hail! Our queen has returned. 248 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,421 Woodland friends, it is good to see you. 249 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,340 How has the kingdom fared in my absence? 250 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:48,094 The realm is troubled, milady. And your wisdom is much required. 251 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,721 By royal decree, 252 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:53,224 we command that the roads of our kingdom be improved, 253 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,476 so that all may benefit. 254 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,979 Whoa! Who's gonna pay for that? 255 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,649 Oh. Hmm. [gasps] Ooh. What about this? 256 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:07,323 For every spell cast, we impose a tariff of one gold piece. 257 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:12,201 You're aware that that unfairly targets witches, right? 258 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:15,455 This is why so many of us are moving to other kingdoms. 259 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,957 Well, you want better roads, right? 260 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:22,003 And affordable housing so you can live closer to work? 261 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,671 Yes. Give it to us now. 262 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:29,594 So the money for all that has to come from somewhere. 263 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,429 That's the kingdom's job. 264 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,682 What about a property tax on moats? 265 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,601 Oh, yeah. Soak the rich. 266 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,436 That's your answer to everything. 267 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,605 Calm down, my good people. 268 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,649 You hear that? She called us "people." 269 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,067 That's racist! 270 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,860 Death to the tyrant! 271 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,987 Sorry, people! I mean, subjects. 272 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:51,074 I mean, citizens? [screams] 273 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:55,621 Ugh! I can't even have fun in my dreams anymore. 274 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,922 So, hi. 275 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,341 This is my first time on one of these sites. 276 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:13,972 I'm not really sure how this works, but it's time to admit that I'm lonely. 277 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,474 Janice passed away six months ago, 278 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:21,187 and I'm finally ready to open my heart to a new enemy. 279 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:24,649 {\an8}We were at war for 50 years. 280 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,402 Oh, God. What a nemesis she was. 281 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:33,449 The most loathsome, sorry excuse for a human being you ever met. 282 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,368 May she burn in hell. 283 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,162 I know you're not supposed to talk about your ex, 284 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,249 but that relationship is a part of me. 285 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:45,503 {\an8}Anyway. Ever since I spit on her ugly grave, 286 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,921 I've been alone. 287 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:50,008 I'm looking for someone in my rage bracket. 288 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,092 I'm not young. 289 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:55,513 I don't have time to waste exchanging passive-aggressive emails 290 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:58,474 or shooting hostile stares across the supermarket. 291 00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,560 I'm looking for a real commitment. 292 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,354 If you think that could be you, reach out. 293 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:07,735 {\an8}I just wanna make someone miserable for the rest of their worthless life. 294 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:16,285 {\an8}♪ Jesus hates your Prius ♪ 295 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:20,913 {\an8}♪ The Lord loves his V-8 Ford ♪ 296 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:23,249 {\an8}[siren honks] 297 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,918 [announcer] We interrupt this program for an emergency broadcast. 298 00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,671 A massive tsunami is headed for Springfield. 299 00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,423 You have ten minutes left to live. 300 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:34,386 So if there's anything you still need to do on this Earth, now is the time. 301 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,311 {\an8}Howdy, Helen. [chuckles] 302 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,314 {\an8}Thought you didn't see-- [groans] 303 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,943 Oh, hey there, Mrs. Lovej-- [grunts] 304 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,446 [groans] 305 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,199 [train whistle blows] 306 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,202 Helen, are you okay? 307 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,837 [Helen pants] 308 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,550 Did I do something-- 309 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,428 [sighs] I can die now. 310 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,972 [siren honks] 311 00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,391 [announcer] We have a clarification to our previous warning. 312 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,603 A tsunami of savings is approaching Springfield 313 00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,855 at Costington's Red Tag Clearance. 314 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,109 All is well and on sale. 315 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:32,903 It's a great hobby. 316 00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:37,616 Very, uh, manly. Uh, I don't know. 317 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:40,869 Thanks. Yeah. I enjoy it. 318 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,586 Oh, Milhouse fell down. 319 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,297 I think he's okay, but it looks like the poor guy is about to-- 320 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,967 [Milhouse screams] 321 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,428 Yes. Sweet music to my wallet. 322 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:04,142 Oh, I was so sure it was gonna be Janey. 323 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,394 She's coming off a two-sleepover weekend. 324 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:11,190 Doesn't betting on bad things happening to children feel just a bit wrong? 325 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,234 I feel nothing and I'm fine with that. 326 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,736 Someone just fell off the monkey bars. 327 00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:18,739 - [all gasping] - Willie, we need an ID on the faller. 328 00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,033 - [Willie, over radio] It's Sherri. - [all groaning] 329 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,411 Oh, yes! Yes! 330 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,330 [Willie, over radio] Correction. The faller is Terri. 331 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,332 Repeat. Terri. 332 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,168 - [all groaning] - Come to Papa. 333 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,920 I... I can't be a part of this. 334 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:36,632 Oi! Shut up, ya debt-ridden chalk-sniffers! 335 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,385 We have a middle finger on the playground. 336 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:40,887 Who flipped the bird? 337 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,972 Come on, weird foreign exchange student. 338 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,099 [Willie, over radio] I cannot believe I'm seeing this. 339 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,978 The bird-flipper is Lisa Simpson. 340 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:52,190 - [all gasping] - Impossible. What were the odds? 341 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,733 {\an8}500 to one. 342 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,943 I'm so disappointed in you guys. 343 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,154 Or should I say, for you guys. 344 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,489 Yoink. 345 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,950 Nice work. 346 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,703 Pleasure doing business with you. 347 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:45,243 [narrator] Every story needs a hero, every hero has a beginning. 348 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,663 Witness the rise of a legend. 349 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:53,626 {\an8}You know that Jake from State Farm kinda does it for me? 350 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,295 {\an8}You wanna go upstairs? 351 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,421 {\an8}Yeah. All right. 352 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,633 {\an8}[dramatic soundtrack theme plays] 353 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,081 Shh!