1
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,759
[alarm clock rings]

2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,802
[both yawn, groan]

3
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,433
[rips]

4
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,440
[both grunt]

5
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,694
-[sighs]
-[sighs] Yeah.

6
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,488
Morning, ladies.

7
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,240
Get off our case, Ken.

8
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:32,950
We're working as fast as we can.

9
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,118
We're human beings, you toad.

10
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,787
I guess you haven't heard.

11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:41,333
I won that $100 million lottery,
so my lawyer says I should retire.

12
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:45,546
No one wants a supervisor job,
so heads or tails?

13
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,714
Heads.

14
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:53,178
Heads, so the new supervisor is, um…

15
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,349
the one with the circle earrings.

16
00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:58,433
Selma.

17
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,560
We're two different people, Ken.

18
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,146
You still share the same e-mail?

19
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,439
[both] Yes.

20
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:07,401
Fine. Selma, congratulations.

21
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:12,656
I'll send you the onboarding info when
I get back from the Ferrari dealership.

22
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,035
Supervisor. Huh.

23
00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,328
This could be good for us.

24
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,998
Finally, no one breathing down
our neck humps.

25
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,500
Yeah, no one.

26
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,671
Another perfect checkup, Lisa.

27
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:28,755
Next.

28
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:31,216
Hang tight, Dr K.
I just got to freshen up.

29
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,102
All right. Let's see
what we're working with here.

30
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,024
[screaming]

31
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,277
-"Four-hour teeth cleaning..."
-[Bart cackles]

32
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,653
"Emergency whitening.

33
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:54,489
Oreo exposure therapy for the hygienist."

34
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,075
Do you have any idea
how much your stunt cost?

35
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,246
Can you really put a price
on that kind of comedy?

36
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,708
What I can do is find
a punishment that fits the crime.

37
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,128
Now you have
an appointment with Dr. Homer.

38
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:15,218
It's time to open wide and say, "Ah."

39
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,513
My next patient, Xbox.

40
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:22,184
Oh! You... You wouldn't.

41
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,812
I can feel it.

42
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,314
Why can I feel it?

43
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,446
[ticking]

44
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,198
Patty, look at that line.

45
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,533
You've been bedazzling for hours.

46
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,703
-[chuckles] Okay, Ken.
-Dazzler down.

47
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,872
"Denied" stamp up, please.

48
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,041
[growls]

49
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,878
This is my new office with a window,

50
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:55,342
so I can see my staff working
or Patty reading lesbian vampire erotica.

51
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,718
[growls]

52
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,096
Homer.

53
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,764
Relax. It's on reverse.

54
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,557
And here's my office air conditioner,

55
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,394
so I don't have to sweat
like the rank and file.

56
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:07,688
Keep clicking. I'll be in the can.

57
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,272
Upstairs bathroom!

58
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,440
Candle!

59
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,983
[both shiver]

60
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,777
Oh, stupid Homer.

61
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,739
If he mouth-cookied a dentist, he'd be
all like, "Who else could I mouth-cookie?"

62
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:21,368
My life would be so awesome
if Mom had never met him.

63
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,995
Hmm. Sounds like
you're finally seeing the light.

64
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,248
I hate Homer so much.

65
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:30,669
Hmm, perhaps the enemy
of my brother-in-law is my nephew.

66
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:33,046
You know, Selma and I have been planning

67
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,091
something very special
for Homer J. Simpson,

68
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,845
but these days, Selma's too busy
busting my clangers.

69
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,597
I know a way to kill your dad.

70
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,100
Whoa, whoa.
I don't want to murder the guy.

71
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,269
Oh, crap. Now I'm intrigued. Explain.

72
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,981
Not actually dead, just officially dead.

73
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:56,695
All I gotta do is log in as my supervisor,
Selma, with face recognition.

74
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:04,619
Check this box, and Homer Simpson
will be legally deceased.

75
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:08,582
Trust me, it will make every aspect
of his life a living hell.

76
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,667
He won't even be able to rent a U-Haul.

77
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:14,629
[giggles] He loves renting those things.

78
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,674
And he's gone.

79
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,968
[both chuckling]

80
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,678
[Homer] Come on, get in there!

81
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,850
Ghost pepper?

82
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,060
More like Casper the friendly ghost.

83
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,437
Oh. Now it's kicking in.

84
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,814
[screaming]

85
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,941
[siren blares]

86
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,488
Sorry, Officer. I was distracted

87
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:43,784
because somebody threw a burrito
through my window.

88
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,119
Eh, nothing good like that
ever happens to me.

89
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,204
License.

90
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,207
That's strange.

91
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,126
According to the state database, you're…

92
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,211
you're dead.

93
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,880
Dead? Can I still rent a U-Haul?

94
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,717
You do seem alive,
but this police machine is in charge,

95
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,968
so I can't give you a ticket.

96
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,345
Might want to get that cleared up.

97
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,722
Otherwise, you won't be paying taxes
or union dues

98
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,016
or getting any more spam phone calls.

99
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:11,770
Hmm. No taxes, dues, or the last thing?

100
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:15,857
Maybe death can give me
the life I've always dreamed of.

101
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,108
[♪ "End of the Line" playing]

102
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,152
♪ Well, it's all right ♪

103
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,029
♪ Riding around in the breeze ♪

104
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,533
♪ Well, it's all right ♪

105
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,868
♪ If you live the life you please ♪

106
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:30,288
♪ Well, it's all right ♪

107
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,415
♪ Doing the best you can ♪

108
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,002
♪ Well, it's all right ♪

109
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,547
♪ As long as you lend a hand ♪

110
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,593
Hey, hey.

111
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,762
Homer was one of our greatest patrons.

112
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,140
Burger Reynolds, Princess Fry
and I are honored to induct you

113
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:52,727
into the Krusty Burger Widow's
Free Fast Food for Life Club.

114
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,730
Thanks, I guess.

115
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,233
Gimme, gimme, gimme.

116
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,528
I should have died years ago.

117
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,201
Oh. How could this have backfired so hard?

118
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,914
You got too much slack in your pen chains.

119
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:16,376
The handbook says 35 beads max. [grunts]

120
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,296
Do yourself a favor
and read it over lunch.

121
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,840
How about I take my lunch right now?

122
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,217
Nah!

123
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,595
Whoa!

124
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,723
Aunt Patty,
I think we made a mistake killing my dad.

125
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,850
You didn't. Tell me you didn't.

126
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,143
Big deal.

127
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,187
I logged in as you
and had Homer declared dead.

128
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:40,901
You impersonated a DMV supervisor,
you committed document fraud,

129
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:46,323
and worst of all, you executed
Operation Kill Fatso without me.

130
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,327
What are you gonna do about it?

131
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:55,915
Patricia Agatha Cruella Bouvier,
you are fired.

132
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,375
Oho!

133
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,460
Oh!

134
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,462
[gasps] It's just hitting me now.

135
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,255
You two are twins!

136
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,472
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

137
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,807
Yeah. I'm sorry she said that, Patty.

138
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,517
Hold one sec.

139
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,311
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

140
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:20,106
Selma, you can call her an A,
you can call her a B,

141
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,984
but you can't call her a… Ho-Hold one sec.

142
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,820
Yes, Lenny, I know they're twins.

143
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,365
[sighs] Ever since Selma got
this promotion,

144
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,283
I haven't had a minute of peace.

145
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:34,746
All day long, I'm on the phone listening
to my sisters trash-talk each other.

146
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,541
Honey, life is so short.

147
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,751
Certainly mine was.

148
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:43,755
So, take it from your late husband,
ghost those hags.

149
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,096
If you get the job,
we're really gonna need you

150
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,182
to push the customers
towards the heavier mix-ins.

151
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,809
[growls]

152
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,561
Fine, but I can only work Mondays
and Wednesdays.

153
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,313
Thursdays, Zoom only.

154
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,441
Um, I think we tell you the schedule.

155
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,653
Uh. Thanks for coming in,
but this isn't gonna work out.

156
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,406
Hey, Aunt Patty.

157
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,032
I'm sorry I got you fired.

158
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,659
Uh, it's not your fault.

159
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,036
Me and my sister were
due for a falling out.

160
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,205
She thinks she's so perfect, superior,

161
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,458
bossy, know-it-all,
Mom and Dad's favorite.

162
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,211
Wow, sounds like you got
yourself a real Lisa there.

163
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,882
[chuckles] I guess you and I are sort of
the black sheep, aren't we?

164
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,635
We're underachievers and damn proud of it.

165
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,723
But I'd be extra screwed up
if people also confused me for Lisa.

166
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,182
Whoa.

167
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,893
You know,
you don't have to look just like Selma.

168
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,062
Genetics seem to say otherwise.

169
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,816
There's gotta be something
you can change to shake things up.

170
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,109
Hmm.

171
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,281
-Grace Jones.
-Too '80s.

172
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,199
-Pippi!
-Too Wendy's.

173
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,410
-Dachshund.
-That's a dog.

174
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:58,705
Come on, Aunt P. We're not here
to just jump in the deep end.

175
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,082
It's time to dive in the shallow end.

176
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:06,004
Well, I do have an idea,
but no, no, it's probably too crazy.

177
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,132
I live.

178
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:16,014
Ready to meet your new fabulous aunt?

179
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,850
[growls] Ay, caramba!

180
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,143
Next!

181
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,983
People just do whatever they want with me.

182
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,902
You look ridiculous.

183
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,028
What do you care?

184
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,154
I don't care.

185
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,238
I'm glad you don't.

186
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,075
It's just,
what if someone thinks you're me?

187
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,410
Sounds like somebody cares.

188
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,495
I don't.

189
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,038
I'm just worried about Jub-Jub.

190
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,831
I've never seen him so upset.

191
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,251
Patty's out of control.

192
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,587
First, she gets a ridiculous haircut.

193
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:51,382
And did I tell you what condiments
she got on the TV remote?

194
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,510
Yes, but Lisa hasn't heard yet.

195
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:54,969
Why don't you tell her?

196
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,596
Under the bus, huh, Mom?

197
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,307
It was ketchup, mustard and honey mustard.

198
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,517
Mind if I smoke?

199
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,893
Again, yes.

200
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:05,188
It sounds like you're going through
a really tough time, Aunt Selma.

201
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,525
You have no idea
what it's like living your whole life

202
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:12,445
with a sibling whose
only joy is making you miserable.

203
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:15,406
Actually, I know exactly what that's like.

204
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,034
Patty's always
stunting my personal growth.

205
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,746
I even stopped dating because she resented
whenever I made a connection.

206
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:22,831
Interesting.

207
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:27,210
Well, maybe it's time to dust off
your online dating profile.

208
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,215
How old is that photo?

209
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,800
It's not that old.

210
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,594
You're at a Howard Johnson's.

211
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,974
Well, if you want the most bang
for your hole,

212
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,059
I'd suggest we do your tragus.

213
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,978
It's the third sexiest part of the ear.

214
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,312
Oh, gross.

215
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,438
You gotta do that one.

216
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,400
If Bart says it's a go, it's a go.

217
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,610
Oh. One more thing.

218
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,946
You don't have a fear
of extreme pain, do you?

219
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:58,449
No, I have a fear of stupid questions.

220
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,118
I think I'm gonna enjoy this.

221
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,832
Awesome!

222
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,916
Oh.

223
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,088
Uh.

224
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,550
-Who the hell are you?
-Merle.

225
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:19,929
I'm your sister's new nighttime friend,
and you must be the infamous twin.

226
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,515
Did you sleep over?

227
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,684
Well, I didn't break in.

228
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,894
Can I make you some eggs?

229
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:30,273
It's a special recipe, same one
they serve in the JFK Delta Lounge.

230
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,526
-I see you've met the what's-his-face.
-Merle!

231
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,737
We've got only two rules here.

232
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:42,160
MacGyver every Sunday and no unvetted
Merles without the approval of both twins.

233
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:47,665
I have no twin anymore,
ever since she weed-whacked half her head.

234
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,877
This may be my infected tragus talking,

235
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,504
but I'm done with this, all of this.

236
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,174
I hope you like tarragon.

237
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,719
At least my life coach
isn't a ten-year-old boy.

238
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:03,097
Every second I'm around you,
I feel like I'm in prison.

239
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,725
That's the one thing we have in common.

240
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:06,893
I'm outta here.

241
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,645
Have a nice life.

242
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,480
Big relationship question.

243
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,106
Eggs runny or dry?

244
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,609
I can live with either,
but I gotta know now.

245
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,486
[Marge] Selma, calm down.

246
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,947
What do you mean Patty moved out?

247
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,115
[gasps] Patty's gone? Where'd she go?

248
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,911
She said she's going to the place
where she'll finally be happy

249
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,121
and she's never coming back.

250
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,748
[♪ "These Boots Are Made for Walking"
playing]

251
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,124
♪ These boots are made for walking ♪

252
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,627
♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪

253
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,129
♪ One of these days these boots ♪

254
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:38,216
♪ Are gonna walk all over you ♪

255
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,139
I should've done this years ago.

256
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,891
I feel so free.

257
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,726
This is a queer paradise.

258
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,979
We have slurs for straight people here

259
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:55,942
and the obscene amount
of water wasted keeping this place green…

260
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,319
I love it.

261
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,196
But what are you going to do for work?

262
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,572
I already got a job.

263
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,325
There's a high demand here
for somebody like myself

264
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:08,204
with experience
in government regulatory enforcement.

265
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:16,546
So you're applying to change a kitchen
faucet in your 1948 Albert Frey house.

266
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:21,342
We found a perfect match to the original
Pfister center set hammered copper faucet.

267
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:24,429
Hmm. I'm not seeing patina.

268
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,348
Y-Yeah, that's because it's new,
but with time--

269
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,934
Time is a luxury you do not have.

270
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,019
[grunts]

271
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,399
Let me just taste your tiramisu.

272
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,900
Looks so good.

273
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,320
Sorry, I don't have an extra spoon.

274
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:42,363
I don't mind. I'll just use yours.

275
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,080
Give me the check!

276
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,711
A Costington's store credit card.

277
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:59,964
Oh, no.
Homer, that rewards program is a joke.

278
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,134
But lucky for you, I'm something
of a credit card points guru.

279
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,637
I'm gonna get you
into a premium platinum card.

280
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:10,099
I-I know you're going to have
a little sticker shock at the annual fee,

281
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,643
but you'll forget all about that once
you're relaxing

282
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:17,148
in airport lounges with all the meatballs
you can fit on a 4-inch plate.

283
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,941
He's one of those points guys.

284
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,985
I don't want my money to work for me.

285
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,280
So how much would you say you're
spending on flights and hotels a month?

286
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,074
[stammers]

287
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,702
Oh, I thought things would be much better

288
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:32,371
now that Patty's moved
to Bed Death Valley,

289
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:37,126
but this Merle guy, and I don't say
this lightly, is a rough hang.

290
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:43,299
Well, Selma seems happy, and Patty seems
like she's thriving in Palm Springfield,

291
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,427
and what's more important than seeming?

292
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,931
Mom, Lisa and I have gotten closer
to our aunts over the past couple weeks,

293
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,433
and we don't think they're doing so good.

294
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,143
But seems.

295
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,521
I think Selma's
just pretending to like Merle.

296
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:59,232
She makes him go to Starbucks
to use the bathroom,

297
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:02,110
and she makes him sleep
on the porch of her building.

298
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,195
He's like her outdoor cat.

299
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:08,616
Yeah, and based on her social media,
I don't think Aunt Patty's much better.

300
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,204
Oh.

301
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,999
The superficial fixes didn't go
nearly as deep as I hoped.

302
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,837
How can I be happy
when my sisters are so sad?

303
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,547
Don't worry, we have a plan.

304
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,674
Patty posted that she's going to
a ladies' golf tournament

305
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,175
this weekend in Palm Springfield.

306
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,468
They both love golf.

307
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,470
Patty loves how fit the ladies are.

308
00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,848
Selma loves how unfit the guys are,

309
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,101
so we parent-trap them
into going to the same tournament.

310
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,853
Then we fix it so they run into each other

311
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,730
and they'll realize
all their problems are dumb.

312
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,941
Oh. The tournament's sold out.

313
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:45,403
The only tickets left are
in the Amex VIP lounge.

314
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,530
[groans]

315
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,741
As someone who's already dead,
it kills me to say this.

316
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:54,954
There is one way into the Amex VIP lounge.

317
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,497
Amex? [chuckles]

318
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,790
No problem.

319
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,294
We all sign up
for Air Shelbyville credit cards for,

320
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:06,174
you can't believe they're being so dumb,
a 100K bonus miles each.

321
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,217
Then we take a short flight to Sioux Falls

322
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,429
which will skyrocket us
to the diamond-mile tier,

323
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:15,433
which we will immediately transfer
to Comfort Lodge Discover Plus cards.

324
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,853
After just one night
in their guaranteed suites program,

325
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:22,148
we are earning 5x, 10x,
the multiples are insane.

326
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:25,109
And then we bring it all home
by booking a hot air balloon,

327
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:29,322
prime rib adventure for 20 people
and then immediately canceling it.

328
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,908
And that will get Homer
to one million points

329
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:37,663
or tickets to the Subaru Dr. Martens
LPGA Tournament,

330
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:41,417
VIP Amex Lounge.

331
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,461
Merle, I gotta give it up to you.

332
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,588
That was a hell of a points heist.

333
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,215
[buzzes]

334
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,218
I'm sorry, sir,
but it says here you're dead.

335
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,302
That's correct.

336
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,470
Well, we can't let you in.

337
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,473
All your tickets are void
because the cardholder is deceased.

338
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,183
Merle, what do we do?

339
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,937
Well, I've run across this issue
on a hotel points comment thread,

340
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,023
and I'm afraid you're going
to need to be alive again, Homer.

341
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,316
No, no, no.

342
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:09,153
Now that I've tasted the sweet
release of death, I don't want to live.

343
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,905
How much longer do I have?

344
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,157
I'm sorry, but you're out of time.

345
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,161
Please, Homer.

346
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,997
Patty and Selma are my closest family.

347
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,082
I get it.

348
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:24,794
I also know how hard it's been
being a widow with three kids.

349
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:29,966
Marge, you're the only person in the world
I'd be willing to lay down my death for.

350
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,426
Hey, Aunt Selma, quick photo.

351
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,481
Okay, Bart, you're a go.

352
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,151
-Patty, look. It's Cynthia Nixon.
-Hey, Aunt Selma.

353
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,487
You'll get an even better view
of Nelly Korda

354
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,115
if you take three big steps backwards.

355
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,118
I assume this was your idea.

356
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:01,330
Another in your long list
of stupid life decisions.

357
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,540
No, it wasn't.

358
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:06,419
And I wish the triplet
we absorbed in the womb was you.

359
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,297
You've always been jealous
that I'm the hot one.

360
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:16,262
[both mumbling]

361
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,472
It's their secret twin language.

362
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,225
They haven't used it
since they were little kids.

363
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,352
[commentator 1] What's happening
down there in hole one?

364
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,730
[commentator 2] It appears
two aging spinsters' decades

365
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,691
of repressed conflict has suddenly broken
through to the surface.

366
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:29,775
[commentator 1] Yep.

367
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:34,488
Two more casualties of this notoriously
difficult Jack Nicklaus-designed par five.

368
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,535
Stop. Stop. Please stop it!

369
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:43,998
It used to be you two
against the world and Homer.

370
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:50,171
What if this, what you two have, is the
one truly great relationship in your life?

371
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:56,385
Patty, do you actually like
living here in Palm Springfield?

372
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,305
[sighs] Okay, fine.

373
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,931
I hate it here.

374
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,768
Who moves to the desert
when they're having hot flashes?

375
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,145
And the brunch lines. Oho!

376
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:09,899
-[buzzes]
-I put my name on the list two days ago.

377
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,778
And, Selma,
do you really want to be with Merle?

378
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,656
No, I'm miserable!

379
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:21,619
The sex is fine, but the endless cuddling
after is killing me.

380
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:22,828
I'm a cuddler.

381
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:26,666
Sex to me is foreplay.
Cuddling is the main event.

382
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,670
Is it possible we've been twins
for our whole lives,

383
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:33,839
but we've never had
a real honest conversation?

384
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,510
We know twin talk,
but we gotta work on our sister talk.

385
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,637
Uh.

386
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,888
[in twin language] I love you.

387
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,348
[in twin language] I love you too.

388
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,849
[in English] We need you back at work.

389
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,685
Wait times are lower than ever,

390
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,437
and no one's better than you
at catching the dirty words

391
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,190
people try to sneak
on their vanity plates.

392
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,358
See?

393
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,196
Actually, that one's
just Mr. Burns's eighth car.

394
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,532
This is why we need you.

395
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,243
All right, I'll come back to Springfield,

396
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,538
but I think it's time that
we each get our own apartment.

397
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,622
Mm-hmm.

398
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:14,130
-♪ Well, it's all right ♪
-♪ All right ♪

399
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,006
♪ Riding around in the breeze ♪

400
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:19,844
-♪ Well, it's all right ♪
-♪ All right ♪

401
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,221
♪ If you live the life you please ♪

402
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,807
♪ Well, it's all right ♪

403
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,893
♪ Even if the sun don't shine ♪

404
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:31,313
-♪ Well, it's all right ♪
-♪ All right ♪

405
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,649
♪ We're going to the end of the line ♪