1
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,758
{\an8}[alarm clock rings]
2
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,802
[both yawn, groan]
3
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,433
[rips]
4
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,440
[both grunt]
5
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,693
{\an8}- [sighs]
- [sighs] Yeah.
6
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,487
{\an8}Morning, ladies.
7
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,239
{\an8}Get off our case, Ken.
8
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,949
{\an8}We're working as fast as we can.
9
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,117
{\an8}We're human beings, you toad.
10
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,786
{\an8}I guess you haven't heard.
11
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:41,332
{\an8}I won that $100 million lottery,
so my lawyer says I should retire.
12
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:45,546
{\an8}No one wants a supervisor job,
so heads or tails?
13
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,714
{\an8}Heads.
14
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:53,178
{\an8}Heads, so the new supervisor is, um...
15
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,348
{\an8}the one with the circle earrings.
16
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,432
{\an8}Selma.
17
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,559
{\an8}We're two different people, Ken.
18
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,145
{\an8}You still share the same e-mail?
19
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,438
{\an8}[both] Yes.
20
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,400
{\an8}Fine. Selma, congratulations.
21
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:12,656
{\an8}I'll send you the onboarding info when
I get back from the Ferrari dealership.
22
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,034
{\an8}Supervisor. Huh.
23
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,327
{\an8}This could be good for us.
24
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:20,997
{\an8}Finally, no one breathing down
our neck humps.
25
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,500
{\an8}Yeah, no one.
26
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,670
{\an8}Another perfect checkup, Lisa.
27
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:28,754
{\an8}Next.
28
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,216
{\an8}Hang tight, Dr K.
I just got to freshen up.
29
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,102
{\an8}All right. Let's see
what we're working with here.
30
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,024
{\an8}[screaming]
31
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,276
{\an8}- "Four-hour teeth cleaning..."
- [Bart cackles]
32
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,652
{\an8}"Emergency whitening.
33
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,488
{\an8}Oreo exposure therapy for the hygienist."
34
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,075
{\an8}Do you have any idea
how much your stunt cost?
35
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,245
{\an8}Can you really put a price
on that kind of comedy?
36
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,707
What I can do is find
a punishment that fits the crime.
37
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:08,128
Now you have
an appointment with Dr. Homer.
38
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:15,217
It's time to open wide and say, "Ah."
39
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,513
My next patient, Xbox.
40
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:22,184
Oh! You... You wouldn't.
41
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,811
I can feel it.
42
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,314
Why can I feel it?
43
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,445
{\an8}[ticking]
44
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,197
{\an8}Patty, look at that line.
45
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,532
{\an8}You've been bedazzling for hours.
46
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,702
{\an8}- [chuckles] Okay, Ken.
- Dazzler down.
47
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,872
{\an8}"Denied" stamp up, please.
48
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,041
[growls]
49
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,877
This is my new office with a window,
50
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:55,341
so I can see my staff working
or Patty reading lesbian vampire erotica.
51
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,718
[growls]
52
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,095
Homer.
53
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,763
Relax. It's on reverse.
54
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,556
And here's my office air conditioner,
55
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:05,393
so I don't have to sweat
like the rank and file.
56
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,687
Keep clicking. I'll be in the can.
57
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,271
Upstairs bathroom!
58
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,439
Candle!
59
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,982
[both shiver]
60
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,776
Oh, stupid Homer.
61
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:17,738
If he mouth-cookied a dentist, he'd be
all like, "Who else could I mouth-cookie?"
62
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:21,367
My life would be so awesome
if Mom had never met him.
63
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,994
Hmm. Sounds like
you're finally seeing the light.
64
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,247
I hate Homer so much.
65
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:30,668
Hmm, perhaps the enemy
of my brother-in-law is my nephew.
66
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,045
You know, Selma and I have been planning
67
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,090
something very special
for Homer J. Simpson,
68
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:39,844
but these days, Selma's too busy
busting my clangers.
69
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:42,596
I know a way to kill your dad.
70
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,099
Whoa, whoa.
I don't want to murder the guy.
71
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,268
Oh, crap. Now I'm intrigued. Explain.
72
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:50,980
Not actually dead, just officially dead.
73
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:56,695
All I gotta do is log in as my supervisor,
Selma, with face recognition.
74
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:04,618
Check this box, and Homer Simpson
will be legally deceased.
75
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:08,581
Trust me, it will make every aspect
of his life a living hell.
76
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,666
He won't even be able to rent a U-Haul.
77
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,629
[giggles] He loves renting those things.
78
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,673
And he's gone.
79
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,967
[both chuckling]
80
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,678
[Homer] Come on, get in there!
81
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,849
Ghost pepper?
82
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,059
More like Casper the friendly ghost.
83
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,436
Oh. Now it's kicking in.
84
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,813
[screaming]
85
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,941
[siren blares]
86
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,487
Sorry, Officer. I was distracted
87
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:43,783
because somebody threw a burrito
through my window.
88
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,118
Eh, nothing good like that
ever happens to me.
89
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,204
License.
90
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,206
That's strange.
91
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:53,125
According to the state database, you're...
92
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,210
you're dead.
93
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,879
Dead? Can I still rent a U-Haul?
94
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,716
You do seem alive,
but this police machine is in charge,
95
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,967
so I can't give you a ticket.
96
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,344
Might want to get that cleared up.
97
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,721
Otherwise, you won't be paying taxes
or union dues
98
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,015
or getting any more spam phone calls.
99
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,769
Hmm. No taxes, dues, or the last thing?
100
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:15,856
Maybe death can give me
the life I've always dreamed of.
101
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,107
[♪ "End of the Line" playing]
102
00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,151
♪ Well, it's all right ♪
103
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,028
♪ Riding around in the breeze ♪
104
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:24,532
♪ Well, it's all right ♪
105
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,867
♪ If you live the life you please ♪
106
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:30,287
{\an8}♪ Well, it's all right ♪
107
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,414
♪ Doing the best you can ♪
108
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:36,001
♪ Well, it's all right ♪
109
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,547
♪ As long as you lend a hand ♪
110
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,592
Hey, hey.
111
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,761
Homer was one of our greatest patrons.
112
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:49,139
Burger Reynolds, Princess Fry
and I are honored to induct you
113
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,727
into the Krusty Burger Widow's
Free Fast Food for Life Club.
114
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,730
Thanks, I guess.
115
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,233
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
116
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,528
I should have died years ago.
117
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,201
Oh. How could this have backfired so hard?
118
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,913
You got too much slack in your pen chains.
119
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:16,375
The handbook says 35 beads max. [grunts]
120
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,295
Do yourself a favor
and read it over lunch.
121
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,840
How about I take my lunch right now?
122
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,217
Nah!
123
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,594
Whoa!
124
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:29,722
Aunt Patty,
I think we made a mistake killing my dad.
125
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,849
You didn't. Tell me you didn't.
126
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,142
Big deal.
127
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,186
I logged in as you
and had Homer declared dead.
128
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:40,900
You impersonated a DMV supervisor,
you committed document fraud,
129
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:46,323
and worst of all, you executed
Operation Kill Fatso without me.
130
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,327
What are you gonna do about it?
131
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:55,914
Patricia Agatha Cruella Bouvier,
you are fired.
132
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,374
Oho!
133
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,459
Oh!
134
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,461
[gasps] It's just hitting me now.
135
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,255
You two are twins!
136
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,471
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
137
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,806
Yeah. I'm sorry she said that, Patty.
138
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,516
Hold one sec.
139
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,310
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
140
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:20,105
Selma, you can call her an A,
you can call her a B,
141
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,983
but you can't call her a... Ho-Hold one sec.
142
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,819
Yes, Lenny, I know they're twins.
143
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,364
[sighs] Ever since Selma got
this promotion,
144
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,282
I haven't had a minute of peace.
145
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:34,746
All day long, I'm on the phone listening
to my sisters trash-talk each other.
146
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,540
Honey, life is so short.
147
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,750
Certainly mine was.
148
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:43,755
So, take it from your late husband,
ghost those hags.
149
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,095
If you get the job,
we're really gonna need you
150
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,182
to push the customers
towards the heavier mix-ins.
151
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,808
[growls]
152
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,560
Fine, but I can only work Mondays
and Wednesdays.
153
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,312
Thursdays, Zoom only.
154
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,440
Um, I think we tell you the schedule.
155
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,653
Uh. Thanks for coming in,
but this isn't gonna work out.
156
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,405
Hey, Aunt Patty.
157
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:11,031
I'm sorry I got you fired.
158
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,658
Uh, it's not your fault.
159
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,035
Me and my sister were
due for a falling out.
160
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,204
She thinks she's so perfect, superior,
161
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:20,457
bossy, know-it-all,
Mom and Dad's favorite.
162
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:23,210
Wow, sounds like you got
yourself a real Lisa there.
163
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:27,881
[chuckles] I guess you and I are sort of
the black sheep, aren't we?
164
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,634
We're underachievers and damn proud of it.
165
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:34,722
But I'd be extra screwed up
if people also confused me for Lisa.
166
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,181
Whoa.
167
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,892
You know,
you don't have to look just like Selma.
168
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,062
Genetics seem to say otherwise.
169
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,815
There's gotta be something
you can change to shake things up.
170
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,109
Hmm.
171
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,280
- Grace Jones.
- Too '80s.
172
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,198
- Pippi!
- Too Wendy's.
173
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,409
- Dachshund.
- That's a dog.
174
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:58,704
Come on, Aunt P. We're not here
to just jump in the deep end.
175
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,081
It's time to dive in the shallow end.
176
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:06,004
Well, I do have an idea,
but no, no, it's probably too crazy.
177
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,132
I live.
178
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:16,014
Ready to meet your new fabulous aunt?
179
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,849
[growls] Ay, caramba!
180
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,143
Next!
181
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,982
People just do whatever they want with me.
182
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,901
{\an8}You look ridiculous.
183
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,027
What do you care?
184
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,153
I don't care.
185
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,237
I'm glad you don't.
186
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,074
It's just,
what if someone thinks you're me?
187
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,409
Sounds like somebody cares.
188
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,494
I don't.
189
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,037
I'm just worried about Jub-Jub.
190
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,831
I've never seen him so upset.
191
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,250
Patty's out of control.
192
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,586
First, she gets a ridiculous haircut.
193
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,381
And did I tell you what condiments
she got on the TV remote?
194
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,509
Yes, but Lisa hasn't heard yet.
195
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,968
Why don't you tell her?
196
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,595
Under the bus, huh, Mom?
197
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,306
It was ketchup, mustard and honey mustard.
198
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,516
Mind if I smoke?
199
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,892
Again, yes.
200
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:05,187
It sounds like you're going through
a really tough time, Aunt Selma.
201
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,524
You have no idea
what it's like living your whole life
202
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:12,444
with a sibling whose
only joy is making you miserable.
203
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,405
Actually, I know exactly what that's like.
204
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,033
Patty's always
stunting my personal growth.
205
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,745
I even stopped dating because she resented
whenever I made a connection.
206
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:22,830
Interesting.
207
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:27,210
Well, maybe it's time to dust off
your online dating profile.
208
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,214
How old is that photo?
209
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,799
It's not that old.
210
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,594
You're at a Howard Johnson's.
211
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,973
Well, if you want the most bang
for your hole,
212
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,058
I'd suggest we do your tragus.
213
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,977
It's the third sexiest part of the ear.
214
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,311
Oh, gross.
215
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,437
You gotta do that one.
216
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,400
If Bart says it's a go, it's a go.
217
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,609
Oh. One more thing.
218
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,945
You don't have a fear
of extreme pain, do you?
219
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:58,448
No, I have a fear of stupid questions.
220
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,118
I think I'm gonna enjoy this.
221
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,831
Awesome!
222
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:06,916
Oh.
223
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,088
Uh.
224
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,549
- Who the hell are you?
- Merle.
225
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:19,928
I'm your sister's new nighttime friend,
and you must be the infamous twin.
226
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,514
Did you sleep over?
227
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,683
Well, I didn't break in.
228
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,893
Can I make you some eggs?
229
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:30,272
It's a special recipe, same one
they serve in the JFK Delta Lounge.
230
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,525
- I see you've met the what's-his-face.
- Merle!
231
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,736
{\an8}We've got only two rules here.
232
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:42,159
{\an8}MacGyver every Sunday and no unvetted
Merles without the approval of both twins.
233
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:47,664
I have no twin anymore,
ever since she weed-whacked half her head.
234
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,876
This may be my infected tragus talking,
235
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,503
but I'm done with this, all of this.
236
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,173
I hope you like tarragon.
237
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:59,718
At least my life coach
isn't a ten-year-old boy.
238
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,096
Every second I'm around you,
I feel like I'm in prison.
239
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,724
That's the one thing we have in common.
240
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,892
I'm outta here.
241
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,644
Have a nice life.
242
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,479
Big relationship question.
243
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,105
Eggs runny or dry?
244
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,608
I can live with either,
but I gotta know now.
245
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,485
[Marge] Selma, calm down.
246
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,946
What do you mean Patty moved out?
247
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,114
{\an8}[gasps] Patty's gone? Where'd she go?
248
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:24,910
{\an8}She said she's going to the place
where she'll finally be happy
249
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,120
{\an8}and she's never coming back.
250
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,747
[♪ "These Boots Are Made for Walking"
playing]
251
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,123
♪ These boots are made for walking ♪
252
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,627
♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪
253
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,128
♪ One of these days these boots ♪
254
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,216
♪ Are gonna walk all over you ♪
255
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,138
I should've done this years ago.
256
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,890
I feel so free.
257
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,725
This is a queer paradise.
258
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,978
We have slurs for straight people here
259
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:55,942
and the obscene amount
of water wasted keeping this place green...
260
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,318
{\an8}I love it.
261
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,195
{\an8}But what are you going to do for work?
262
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,571
{\an8}I already got a job.
263
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,324
{\an8}There's a high demand here
for somebody like myself
264
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:08,204
{\an8}with experience
in government regulatory enforcement.
265
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:16,545
{\an8}So you're applying to change a kitchen
faucet in your 1948 Albert Frey house.
266
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:21,341
{\an8}We found a perfect match to the original
Pfister center set hammered copper faucet.
267
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,428
Hmm. I'm not seeing patina.
268
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,347
Y-Yeah, that's because it's new,
but with time--
269
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,933
Time is a luxury you do not have.
270
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,019
[grunts]
271
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,398
Let me just taste your tiramisu.
272
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,899
Looks so good.
273
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,319
Sorry, I don't have an extra spoon.
274
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,363
I don't mind. I'll just use yours.
275
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,080
Give me the check!
276
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,710
A Costington's store credit card.
277
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:59,963
Oh, no.
Homer, that rewards program is a joke.
278
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:03,133
But lucky for you, I'm something
of a credit card points guru.
279
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:06,636
I'm gonna get you
into a premium platinum card.
280
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:10,098
I-I know you're going to have
a little sticker shock at the annual fee,
281
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,642
but you'll forget all about that once
you're relaxing
282
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:17,147
in airport lounges with all the meatballs
you can fit on a 4-inch plate.
283
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:18,940
He's one of those points guys.
284
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,984
I don't want my money to work for me.
285
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,279
So how much would you say you're
spending on flights and hotels a month?
286
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,074
[stammers]
287
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,701
Oh, I thought things would be much better
288
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,370
now that Patty's moved
to Bed Death Valley,
289
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:37,125
but this Merle guy, and I don't say
this lightly, is a rough hang.
290
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:43,298
Well, Selma seems happy, and Patty seems
like she's thriving in Palm Springfield,
291
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:46,426
and what's more important than seeming?
292
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:49,930
Mom, Lisa and I have gotten closer
to our aunts over the past couple weeks,
293
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,432
and we don't think they're doing so good.
294
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,142
But seems.
295
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,520
I think Selma's
just pretending to like Merle.
296
00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:59,231
She makes him go to Starbucks
to use the bathroom,
297
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,109
and she makes him sleep
on the porch of her building.
298
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,194
He's like her outdoor cat.
299
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:08,616
Yeah, and based on her social media,
I don't think Aunt Patty's much better.
300
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,203
Oh.
301
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:16,998
The superficial fixes didn't go
nearly as deep as I hoped.
302
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,836
How can I be happy
when my sisters are so sad?
303
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,546
Don't worry, we have a plan.
304
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,673
Patty posted that she's going to
a ladies' golf tournament
305
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,174
this weekend in Palm Springfield.
306
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,467
They both love golf.
307
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,469
Patty loves how fit the ladies are.
308
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,847
Selma loves how unfit the guys are,
309
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:35,100
so we parent-trap them
into going to the same tournament.
310
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,852
Then we fix it so they run into each other
311
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,729
and they'll realize
all their problems are dumb.
312
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,940
Oh. The tournament's sold out.
313
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,402
The only tickets left are
in the Amex VIP lounge.
314
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,529
[groans]
315
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,740
As someone who's already dead,
it kills me to say this.
316
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:54,953
There is one way into the Amex VIP lounge.
317
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,496
Amex? [chuckles]
318
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,789
No problem.
319
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,293
We all sign up
for Air Shelbyville credit cards for,
320
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:06,173
{\an8}you can't believe they're being so dumb,
a 100K bonus miles each.
321
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,216
{\an8}Then we take a short flight to Sioux Falls
322
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,428
{\an8}which will skyrocket us
to the diamond-mile tier,
323
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:15,432
{\an8}which we will immediately transfer
to Comfort Lodge Discover Plus cards.
324
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:18,852
{\an8}After just one night
in their guaranteed suites program,
325
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:22,147
{\an8}we are earning 5x, 10x,
the multiples are insane.
326
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,108
{\an8}And then we bring it all home
by booking a hot air balloon,
327
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:29,321
{\an8}prime rib adventure for 20 people
and then immediately canceling it.
328
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,907
{\an8}And that will get Homer
to one million points
329
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:37,662
{\an8}or tickets to the Subaru Dr. Martens
LPGA Tournament,
330
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:41,416
VIP Amex Lounge.
331
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,460
Merle, I gotta give it up to you.
332
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,588
That was a hell of a points heist.
333
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,215
[buzzes]
334
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,217
I'm sorry, sir,
but it says here you're dead.
335
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,301
That's correct.
336
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:52,469
Well, we can't let you in.
337
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,472
All your tickets are void
because the cardholder is deceased.
338
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,182
Merle, what do we do?
339
00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,936
Well, I've run across this issue
on a hotel points comment thread,
340
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:04,022
and I'm afraid you're going
to need to be alive again, Homer.
341
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,315
No, no, no.
342
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:09,152
Now that I've tasted the sweet
release of death, I don't want to live.
343
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,904
How much longer do I have?
344
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,157
I'm sorry, but you're out of time.
345
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,160
Please, Homer.
346
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,996
Patty and Selma are my closest family.
347
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,081
I get it.
348
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:24,793
I also know how hard it's been
being a widow with three kids.
349
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:29,966
Marge, you're the only person in the world
I'd be willing to lay down my death for.
350
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,426
Hey, Aunt Selma, quick photo.
351
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,481
Okay, Bart, you're a go.
352
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,150
- Patty, look. It's Cynthia Nixon.
- Hey, Aunt Selma.
353
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,486
You'll get an even better view
of Nelly Korda
354
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,115
if you take three big steps backwards.
355
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,117
I assume this was your idea.
356
00:17:57,118 --> 00:18:01,329
Another in your long list
of stupid life decisions.
357
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,539
No, it wasn't.
358
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:06,418
And I wish the triplet
we absorbed in the womb was you.
359
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,296
You've always been jealous
that I'm the hot one.
360
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:16,262
[both mumbling]
361
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,471
It's their secret twin language.
362
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:21,224
They haven't used it
since they were little kids.
363
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,351
{\an8}[commentator 1] What's happening
down there in hole one?
364
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,729
{\an8}[commentator 2] It appears
two aging spinsters' decades
365
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:28,690
{\an8}of repressed conflict has suddenly broken
through to the surface.
366
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:29,774
{\an8}[commentator 1] Yep.
367
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:34,488
{\an8}Two more casualties of this notoriously
difficult Jack Nicklaus-designed par five.
368
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,535
Stop. Stop. Please stop it!
369
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:43,997
It used to be you two
against the world and Homer.
370
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:50,171
What if this, what you two have, is the
one truly great relationship in your life?
371
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:56,384
Patty, do you actually like
living here in Palm Springfield?
372
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:59,304
[sighs] Okay, fine.
373
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,930
I hate it here.
374
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,767
Who moves to the desert
when they're having hot flashes?
375
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,144
And the brunch lines. Oho!
376
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,899
- [buzzes]
- I put my name on the list two days ago.
377
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,777
And, Selma,
do you really want to be with Merle?
378
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:16,655
No, I'm miserable!
379
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:21,618
The sex is fine, but the endless cuddling
after is killing me.
380
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,827
I'm a cuddler.
381
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:26,666
Sex to me is foreplay.
Cuddling is the main event.
382
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,669
Is it possible we've been twins
for our whole lives,
383
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,838
but we've never had
a real honest conversation?
384
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,510
We know twin talk,
but we gotta work on our sister talk.
385
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,636
Uh.
386
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:40,887
[in twin language] I love you.
387
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,347
[in twin language] I love you too.
388
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,848
[in English] We need you back at work.
389
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,684
Wait times are lower than ever,
390
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,436
and no one's better than you
at catching the dirty words
391
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,189
people try to sneak
on their vanity plates.
392
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,358
{\an8}See?
393
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:57,195
{\an8}Actually, that one's
just Mr. Burns's eighth car.
394
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,531
This is why we need you.
395
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,242
All right, I'll come back to Springfield,
396
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:05,537
but I think it's time that
we each get our own apartment.
397
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,622
Mm-hmm.
398
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:14,129
- ♪ Well, it's all right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
399
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,005
♪ Riding around in the breeze ♪
400
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,843
- ♪ Well, it's all right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
401
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:22,220
♪ If you live the life you please ♪
402
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,807
♪ Well, it's all right ♪
403
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,892
♪ Even if the sun don't shine ♪
404
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:31,312
- ♪ Well, it's all right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
405
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,649
♪ We're going to the end of the line ♪