♪ The Simpsons ♪
Simpson, you're brand-new here,
but I have a nose for men, and you stink of reliability.
I'm putting you in charge of the big red button.
I won't let you down, sir.
I smell you won't. Never touch the button, unless the meltdown alarm sounds.
Then, and only then, push the button.
Sorry, you can understand this is very exciting for me. I mean, a button!
Of course.
While our schools and hospitals go without power during the costly restart process,
remember: no alarm, no button.
Aw.
I will never get tired of this.
Lenny, button!
State park, family field trip!
State park, state park, state park!
Don't forget sunscreen and bug spray.
- State park. State park. - State park. State park.
I worked all week at the world's most boring job,
and now I have to spend time in the natural world
that I devoted my life to destroy.
You're the one who suggested a family outing.
What part of that implied I was coming?
I can hear the waterfall.
There it is in all its majestic glory. The stamp station!
Oh, yeah.
Nine more stamps to go.
Then we'll have all the stamps.
Weekends are for relaxing. How am I supposed to do that here at...
Shut up.
In the olden days, a bootlegger was a shady character--
You're blocking the stamps, lady.
What are you looking at instead of being present with your family?
Really? Cross sections of breakfast burritos?
I was ranking those. Now I have to start over.
Look, we got every stamp.
What's our prize?
You get your Wilderness Explorer Completion Trophy.
Good job.
Certified trailblazers.
Mom, can we get souvenirs so we have something to remember this trip by?
One souvenir each.
The gift shop. This is where time goes to die.
Can't you fake a little enthusiasm for five minutes?
I can't pretend to like things I don't.
You do it all the time. It's called parenting.
Huh? Well, I do like lying to children.
Activate parent superpower, fake enthusiasm.
Mmm?
I know which souvenir I'd pick out if I wanted to have fun. Stress balls!
Oh, oh!
I can feel the stress leaving my body. Tell me that's not medically fun.
It does have a therapeutic property we doctors call squishiness.
Business lady. Business got you stressed? Have a squeeze of this.
Excuse me, miss.
What happened to the woman who was standing here just a moment ago?
Was that your mother?
No, it's me all along.
Is there anything these balls can't do?
Dad, can we get stress balls?
Please?
What a great idea. Hurry, do it quick.
- He sold me. - He sold me more.
Arriba! Ándale, stress! Adios!
Most intriguing.
Dad, there's a creepy guy in a raincoat who wants to talk to you.
Well, run him off. What do I pay you for?
Wait, please, I have two words to say to you.
Oh, yeah!
Duffman!
Not anymore, actually.
The Duff Corporation has, uh, retired that character forever.
All the old forms of advertising are now passé.
Corporate spokesmen, print ads, TV spots.
Today's kids, they can't even sing the jingles.
That can't be true.
Boy, finish this tune.
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow... ♪
Woof?
God help us.
The old ways are dead.
Today, advertising is all about undercover marketing,
where the spontaneity of a regular person's excitement
is worth a thousand "Where's the beefs?"
Where was that beef?
And undercover marketing is exactly what you did yesterday in that gift shop.
All I did was pretend to love some stupid, terrible crap.
Homer, you have a gift, and corporate America needs you.
"Enthusiasm on Demand."
You pretend to like things to make other people buy them?
It's the world's newest profession offering love for money.
You could make $500 in just one hour.
As a late great man once said, "Oh, yeah!"
Mmm?
"Welcome to your first enthusi-task.
Convince people to buy a self-balancing unicycle."
Hmm... If I can find just the right group of potential customers.
Hope dims for the trapped miners as faith leaders conduct a moment of silence.
Look at me if you want to see a guy having the time of his life.
We gathered here today in hopes of a miracle, and we got one.
A self-balancing unicycle sure to be on everyone's Christmas list.
Homer S. may be the key to completing Project Dark Contrivance. Praise Enroy.
Praise Enroy! Praise him indeed.
You over-praised Enroy. No malted treat for you.
Marge, this veggie omelet is delicious! I don't miss the bacon or sausage at all!
I'm so glad to hear that.
Or are you just practicing for your new job of pretending to like things?
Nope. It's that good.
Why, thank you.
It's great you're enjoying your side hustle,
but I hope you're not neglecting your front hustle.
Oh, I quit that job.
I should be furious that you're leaving with no notice,
but your sincere enthusiasm for taking this job and shoving it has won me over.
Consider it shoved.
I'm just too good at my new job.
I've already sold pilgrim hats, creatine snuff,
and this great ear de-waxer.
I bet there's nothing so distasteful this guy can't pretend to like it.
Ooh.
Here's my next assignment. I'm promoting...
No, no, anything but that!
Drink up. Quality bowling requires some boozing to beat the heebie-hoohaws.
None for me. I've found something... ...better.
UnDuff Nothin'.
A new non-alcoholic beer that'll make you forget
all those times you were blackout drunk.
Non-alcoholic beer? That could lead to non-alcoholism.
Don't take my unslurred word for it. Chug it for yourself.
Well, I know you socially, so I'm sold.
No, I can't do it.
Too much! You ask too much!
Tell me to sell time-shares to toddlers, but not this!
Report to corporate at 9:00 tomorrow.
And give yourself time.
You'll be parking very far from the building.
No!
Inspiring, aren't they? They promote corporate efflorescence, praise Enroy.
Nothing concerning so far.
Salutations, Homer.
Your diligence and co-operability has earned you these chocolate-covered bees.
Mmm, "sting-y."
I'm really sorry I couldn't fake-like fake beer.
Homer, sanguinate yourself.
Eventually, every enthusiaster is called to love a product they simply cannot.
You're the unfortunate victim of your personality's likes and dislikes.
Stupid personality.
But we've developed a simple procedure that separates you
from the tastes and desires that make you you.
We call it "seperance."
Praise Enroy.
This Enroy dude sure seems praiseworthy.
After seperance, you will never again be disjoyous at work.
That's been my dream ever since I grew weary of the big red button.
But what exactly is this procedure?
I can answer that.
I have no idea, but I have had the procedure myself,
and look at how happy I am.
Happy.
Why don't we get you started?
Nothing concerning so far.
Seperance floor.
♪ Whoo-hoo! I am surgically happy ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
♪ That is me on my ID ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
♪ Hey, look, a weird doppelgänger ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
Whoo-hoo!
There he is, Homer S., our brilliant team leader.
Thanks to him, our department is number A again.
Look, they awarded us a walnut party.
Walnuts?
Mmm. Mmm.
Careful with your hat of gratitude. It's the gift of Enroy.
This may just be the hat of gratitude talking,
but I love everything about this place.
The endless corridors, the apology stool, the distant eerie screams.
I'm so de-sanguinated!
Hot crackers, new assignment! We're selling payday loans today, people.
60% compounding interest per day? They sell themselves.
What have you done to my husband?
Tranquilate, Marjorie.
Have a pickled blueberry, and exposify the problem.
Mm, these are well-pickled.
Every night when my husband comes home from working here,
he's like a different person, a total zombie.
Seperance splits the worker's mind into two modes.
Uppie, when all their energy is devoted to work,
and downie, when they recharge at home for the next workday.
I don't wanna spend my life with a downie.
I have the perfect solution. Join our company.
Undergo seperance yourself.
You have got to be kidding me.
Got I? Working here with your husband, your relationship will be new again.
Like when you first met,
when your Homer couldn't stand to be away from you for one moment.
Marge, is it true? You're gonna come work here with me? Please say yes.
Homer, slow down.
The only bad part of working here is missing you every second of every day.
Let's live uppily ever after.
This is the Homer I missed.
There is no happier couple than two uppies.
Let's get separated so we can be together forever.
What have I done? What have I done?
♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
W-T-Fudge?
How are we so light on our feet, you ask?
It's these new pillow-soft shoe inserts from Dr. Insteps.
Oh. Maybe I'll pick up a pair.
Another grim vigil here in the mining district.
The only ray of hope, the aroma of St. Louis-style ribs
grilled to savory perfection on the amazing Backpack Barbecue.
Another great day of work.
It's so good to be...
...home.
What do you want for dinner?
I don't care.
Mom is eating potato chips for dinner.
Dad's eating potato chips slowly.
I've never seen Dad miss a flying sausage in his life.
Look at this smiley face Mom drew on my pancakes.
That weird mysterious company did something mysteriously weird to them.
Psst!
You'll never get in the front door.
Enthusiasm on Demand is hiding a deep, dark secret,
but maybe together we can blow it wide open.
Don't you work for them?
Not anymore. Being a downie destroyed my life.
I had no energy left for my family, or my secret second family,
but there is a way back from seperance.
It's called de-seperance.
It was risky, but I'm feeling great.
Um, whose robe am I wearing, and what year is it?
This whole place is like one of those puzzle box TV shows
like The Leftbehinds, or Yellowjinks, or Severance,
and there's always a big secret at the end.
Yeah. If we're going to save your parents and learn the truth,
there's only one way inside that building.
Every mysterious headquarters has a door that has been propped open
so someone can sneak out for a smoke.
Pallies.
They're onto us. Follow me.
Freeze, and put down the candied squid ink.
You've come here for answers, no doubt, but ask yourself this.
Will the answer be as satisfactionalizing as the inquirance?
Damn straight it'll satisfactionalize. We want to see our parents.
- Mom! - Dad!
Kids! What a wonderful surprise.
No one told me it was Take Your Kid to Work Day. Oh, joy!
Okay, Tiger. Getting a little damp on top there.
Ugh! All we get from our parents is not enough or too much.
What's the ominous backstory for this place anyway?
And if it doesn't add up, God help you.
Why don't we let our founder explain?
Greetings, disciples of Enroy.
We toil together with a mighty purpose, to harvest the time and energy
of human beings in pursuit of the ultimate prize.
Here comes the awful truth.
To create a service that can be sold for money.
Money? Isn't that what every business does?
Very good, sweetie.
This can't just be a regular company.
Why the endless hallways and the creepy kangaroos?
Because buildings this poorly designed have inexpensive rent,
and we get a carbon credit for the kangaroos.
Then who is Enroy?
Enroy is not a person. It's an acronym. N.R.O.I. Net return on investment.
Praise Enroy!
You really should praise it, Lisa. It's the basis of capitalism.
Shut your ears, child. They've been seperanced.
You can't trust them.
Our only chance is to remove the implants like I did.
Implants? There are no implants.
Then what did I drill out of my skull?
The seperance procedure is just some light cosmetic surgery.
Teeth whitening, skin tightening. It makes us more attractive salespeople.
The tin hat protects hair plugs.
No, no, something happened to Mom and Dad.
Whenever they're at home, it's like the life has been sucked out of them.
Because it has. It's called having a job.
You'll learn soon enough, and Enroy willing, Bart will too.
So that's it? You guys have a great time at work, and we get the dried-out husks?
We're your kids. We're supposed to be the ones draining your life force,
not some... ...career.
- We need our mom and dad. - We need our mom and dad.
But we're so fulfilled. We found our passion in faking passion.
Doesn't our happiness count too?
Maybe we could find some sort of work-life balance.
Marge, we both know that's not a real thing.
Okay, kids, you win.
We'll leave our rewarding jobs we're great at, and go back to...
Oh, I can't say it.
Being parents.
Yeah.
- Yay! - Yay!
Turn in your badges and hats.
And your hair plugs.
Ow.
Yoko geri! Ushiro geri! Mawashi geri!
Konnichi- wow!
That's awesome, buddy. You really earned that yellow belt.
You guys are coming to my karate demonstration, right?
I wouldn't miss my little champ's moment
even if it was on a Sunday during football, which it always is.
And I made popsicle stick puppets.
You made those? A child? And not some elderly master craftsman?
That's so creative.
I can't wait to see them in a play with a socially-conscious plotline.
Me neither. Mommy and Daddy will sit in the living room until you're ready.
They weren't faking, were they?
Don't know. Don't care.
Welcome, valued new employee, to Enthusiasm on Demand.
Whether you're joining our team in Macro-Gerontics, Sonic Massage,
Intimation and Foreshadowing, or Bricks,
we know this is the last job you will ever have.
By now you've received your Employee Manual,
a Welcome Tetrahedron, and galoshes.
Inside the tetrahedron, you'll find your parking pass,
the corporate hymnal, and 17 Polish zloty.
Please dispose of the galoshes at your earliest convenience.
As you embark on your professional journey,
lift your voice with me, reciting the joyous words of our founder.
Zog sinistrum lamentio, Cthulhu eternum! Praise Enroy!
Shh.