1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,086
[♪ theme music playing]
2
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,173
♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:43,502
Ha-ha!
4
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,546
[employee on PA]
There's a cold spill on aisle three.
5
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,632
Whoa!
6
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,555
Ooh!
7
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:57,683
[shouts]
8
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,310
Ooh!
9
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,025
[♪ hip-hop theme remix plays]
10
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,846
[Homer] Mmm! Art.
11
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,358
{\an8}[Marge] What am I going to wear?
12
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,901
{\an8}What am I going to wear?
13
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:53,447
{\an8}Hmm. Too casual. Too dressy.
14
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,948
{\an8}Too bangin'.
15
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,408
{\an8}Not bangin' enough.
16
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,368
{\an8}Maggie spit up on this one.
17
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,495
{\an8}Homer spit up on this one.
18
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,580
{\an8}[gasps]
19
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,165
{\an8}Oh, my God.
20
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,542
{\an8}Homie, it's 7:06.
21
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,918
{\an8}Where's the sitter?
22
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:10,088
{\an8}She'll be here, don't worry.
23
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:13,050
{\an8}We're not gonna be late
to our fun date night
24
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,178
{\an8}with my work friends
and their current lovers.
25
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,096
{\an8}Okay, I'll be right down.
26
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,599
{\an8}I still have to find something to wear.
27
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:27,064
{\an8}The best part of being a man is not caring
how you look and dying six years earlier.
28
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,525
{\an8}So wait, you're really
having date night at Clangerz?
29
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:34,571
{\an8}That's a lame nostalgia bar
for you voicemail-leaving dinosaurs.
30
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,032
{\an8}Hey, how about a little respect?
31
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:41,411
{\an8}Unlike you pasty Chalamets,
my generation faced real challenges.
32
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,706
{\an8}We stormed the beaches
of MTV's spring break in Cancún
33
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,210
{\an8}to taste test
different sodas in the Cola Wars.
34
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,087
{\an8}I chose Pepsi,
35
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,798
{\an8}and I regret it every day of my life.
36
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,593
{\an8}[Marge] I give up.
37
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,387
{\an8}Jean jacket.
38
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,347
{\an8}It's 7:09.
39
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,974
{\an8}Now the sitter's 03 minutes later.
40
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:06,687
{\an8}Honey, no one's more excited
than I am to meet up with Carl
41
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:11,358
{\an8}and Naima and Lenny and whatever bizarre
creature is crazy enough to date him.
42
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,319
{\an8}You go on ahead.
I'll wait here for the sitter.
43
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,654
[groans weakly]
44
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,072
Go without you?
45
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:21,201
But then I'd have to carry on
a conversation with your work friends.
46
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:24,329
You'll do great.
Just get Carl started on Bitcoin.
47
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,666
- You know all about crypto, right?
- Superman's dog?
48
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,879
Okay, other good Lenny-Carl areas:
If Squid Game was real,
49
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:37,217
CPAP cleaning hacks, and why
the next James Bond should be Jason Kelce.
50
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,681
[video games beeping, chirping]
51
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,699
Okay, Marge, you can do this.
52
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:04,327
Just don't talk about money,
politics, or sex.
53
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,412
Hey, Marge.
54
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,914
Republican tax cuts make me horny!
55
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,751
It's officially date night at Clangerz.
56
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,796
Hiya, Marge.
57
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,299
Hi, Lenny. And you must be Amy.
58
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,342
That's what it says on my Starbucks cup.
59
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:23,346
If I'm lucky.
Most of the time it says "Arnie."
60
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,848
[all laughing]
61
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,685
Coffee people do write the wrong name.
62
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,313
Once on my cup they wrote "Sarge."
63
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,315
[all laughing]
64
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:36,234
{\an8}[Marge] I did an add-on. I'm fitting in.
65
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:41,031
Oh, where's that dirtbag teen
I'm entrusting with my children?
66
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,116
Maybe if I pace faster, I--
67
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,785
- [doorbell rings]
- Ooh! She's here!
68
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,661
Thanks, pacing.
69
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,080
Oh, thank God you're-- injured!
70
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,125
[slurring] Don't stress. I'm good.
71
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,504
They gave me all the painkillers.
72
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,339
[gulps]
73
00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,258
And I've got some extra for the kids.
74
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,512
Oh, we were making
a jump-off-the-balcony video
75
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,889
when she fell off the balcony.
76
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:12,604
The TikTok of me landing on
a cornhole board got a like from Josh Gad.
77
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,315
Oh, babe, you're so talented.
78
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,364
[growls]
79
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,828
They call them boneless wings,
but they're just tiny tenders.
80
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,247
Who do they think they're fooling?
81
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,915
Not Sarge.
82
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,708
- [all laughing]
- [Amy] "Sarge."
83
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,210
{\an8}[Marge] Callback.
84
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:38,547
This is such fun restaurant banter,
85
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,508
like the beginning of a sketch
on Saturday Night Live
86
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,970
before all the wacky behavior
ruins their nice evening.
87
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,347
[in German accent]
Care for a free Aperol spritz
88
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,766
courtesy of me, Aperol Fritz?
89
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,102
- Yes!
- Oh, yes, bring it on.
90
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,896
As God is my witness, I will find
91
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,983
- some sad loser to watch my kids.
- [line ringing]
92
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,610
[Skinner] You have reached
the mobile cellular device
93
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,571
of Principal Seymour Skinner.
94
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,406
[groans] Voicemail.
95
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,908
No, no, this is he speaking live.
96
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,119
Oh, my God, Skinner, you run a kid prison.
97
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,537
Come babysit my jerks.
98
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,415
My dad isn't talking to me,
the yes-guy said no,
99
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:18,545
Mrs. Botz is still in jail, and Flanders
is too busy working on his car.
100
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,131
[chuckles]
Actually, my car's working on me.
101
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,674
There's a leaf spring in my kidney.
102
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,093
Well, take care of those organs.
I might need them later.
103
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,679
Okily dokily, passing out now.
104
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,474
Come on, Skinner,
I'll match your school salary.
105
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,435
What do you make, $5 an hour?
106
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,272
Mr. Simpson,
I am an educator, not a babysitter.
107
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,274
I would never stoop that low.
108
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,611
Principal Sitter, wipe me!
109
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,362
[groans]
110
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,782
I guess you're the babysitter, big boy.
111
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,744
I wanna hear three chapters
of Anne of Green Gables
112
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:54,205
with authentic
Prince Edward Island accents.
113
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,416
[groans] By the time
I get to the restaurant,
114
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,544
all the dipping sauces
will be full of nugget crumbs.
115
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,463
Who's gonna watch these kids?
116
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:08,219
Oh! What if the who was a what
and the when was right in front of me?
117
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:19,564
{\an8}Kids, meet your new babysitter:
Mrs. Front Door Cam.
118
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,901
All you have to do is stay in this frame.
119
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,737
Daddy will be watching,
even if he's driving,
120
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,823
{\an8}and just to make sure
Bart is a good little boy...
121
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,033
{\an8}Get bent.
122
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,869
{\an8}- I'm not some stupid dog. I'm-- [yelps]
- [electrical crackling]
123
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,872
{\an8}[Bart growls]
124
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,249
{\an8}[barks]
125
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,919
[whimpers]
126
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,837
Have a nice night. Daddy loves you.
127
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,924
Ah! Down, down, stay.
128
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,176
[tires squealing]
129
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,930
[dog barking]
130
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:58,103
This might be a hot take,
but I wish the Olympics were every week.
131
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,189
That's genius.
No way you'd get bored of that.
132
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,316
It would bring the world together.
133
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,026
Goodbye, wars.
134
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:08,279
And the movie theater should tell you
when the movie really starts,
135
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,198
not when the previews start.
136
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,700
- Yeah.
- I agree wholeheartedly.
137
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,536
I love your hot takes, Marge.
Keep 'em coming.
138
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:18,123
Okay, here's a scorcher: masking tape--
139
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,543
The real fun begins now!
140
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,627
- Homer!
- Big guy!
141
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,003
- Hello.
- Good to see you!
142
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,922
Homie, this is going great.
143
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,967
I don't know why I was worried
I'd be bad at conversation.
144
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,344
Everything's flowing so freely, and--
145
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,512
Hey, that's great.
146
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,013
I got it from here.
147
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:38,935
So, work bros, I think Smitty
cheated on his March Madness bracket.
148
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,688
He just wrote a U with a scribble,
149
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:45,692
so you can't tell
if he's picking UConn or UTEP.
150
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,111
{\an8}And I'm all like, "Which is it, Smitty?
151
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,654
Miners or Huskies?
152
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,156
Miners or Huskies?"
153
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,492
Homer, please,
there's three other people here.
154
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,994
Right, right, right.
155
00:08:56,077 --> 00:09:00,040
Who do you ladies like
for WrestleMania this year?
156
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:03,001
So, Homer,
the group was having a discussion
157
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,462
about things that interest all of us.
158
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,006
Amy found this amazing podcast
159
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:12,969
where comedians talk to each other
for hours but don't tell any jokes.
160
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,597
In the latest one,
Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias
161
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,807
talks about the bus crash
that traumatized--
162
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,559
[Homer] Cut that out and shut up!
163
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:23,813
When I leave you in porch jail,
I expect you to sit there and be bored.
164
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,983
The sprinkler came on.
What are we supposed to do?
165
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,320
Just stomp it back
in the earth like everyone else.
166
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,238
Who are you talking to?
167
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,615
Um...
168
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,992
My crotchel area?
169
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:41,331
[gasps] You left the kids unsupervised?
170
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,584
No, no, the doorbell's watching them.
It's very responsible.
171
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,337
And I gave Lisa a brick
to hit strangers with.
172
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,672
- [Lisa] It's heavy!
- That means it's working.
173
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,425
[Marge growling]
174
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,221
[Bart] I had to use rusty scissors to get
the stupid shock collar off my neck.
175
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,765
You used my good rusty scissors?
176
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,643
They better still be rusty
when I get home!
177
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,856
Sometimes I hate being married to you!
178
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,279
[warbles]
179
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,116
I shouldn't have
raised my voice like that.
180
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,785
Just go home and take care of the kids.
181
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,787
One Centipede?
182
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,540
Zero Centipedes! Go!
183
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,542
Okay, okay, okay.
184
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,548
[laughs awkwardly] Sarge?
185
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,467
{\an8}Oh, this night was going great,
186
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,177
{\an8}and then you had to see that.
187
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,304
{\an8}Sorry I made it so awkward.
188
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,430
No.
189
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,682
Not awkward.
190
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,809
Not awkward at all.
191
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,731
[♪ dramatic rock music playing]
192
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,194
Here, have mine too. Double up.
193
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,445
Thanks.
194
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:59,701
I guess you noticed Homer
isn't the perfect husband.
195
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:04,581
Please don't get me wrong.
I love Homer dearly, but he's got flaws.
196
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:08,168
Crippling, unignorable flaws.
197
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:13,673
{\an8}[groans] Sometimes I wish
he was different,
198
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:16,301
{\an8}a Homer who doesn't fold under pressure
199
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,511
{\an8}and make terrible decisions,
200
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:21,347
{\an8}someone who is bold and fearless.
201
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,765
{\an8}[video game guns firing]
202
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:29,230
Like, I don't know,
a fighter pilot in that game.
203
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,026
[groans]
204
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,154
If only, if only.
205
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,115
Woo-hoo!
206
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:43,286
I feel the need,
the need to go really fast.
207
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,416
Primo ace top jet squadron, check in.
208
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,418
- Belch.
- Quadball.
209
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,753
Open Sore.
210
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:56,174
Let's show this town a meaningless
training flight they'll never forget.
211
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,842
[♪ rock music playing]
212
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:04,474
{\an8}♪ Flying fast and flying low
Flying where you're not supposed to go ♪
213
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,435
♪ Facing your foes
In the deadly sky ♪
214
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:11,648
♪ Make one wrong move
And you'll super die ♪
215
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,399
[sonic boom]
216
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,821
That dude is brave to the max.
217
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,241
All right, Simpson,
you've broken the sound barrier.
218
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,700
Now pull up.
219
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:26,955
Sorry, Cap,
not till I break the smell barrier.
220
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,931
A colonic boom.
221
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,017
Oh! That's the odor
from a week from now. Ugh!
222
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,435
[all exclaiming]
223
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,857
- It was great being your wingman, Homer.
- [alarm chirping]
224
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,192
Hey, let my dog out of the car.
225
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:59,153
It's the blue Honda.
226
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,115
[Homer] Tower, I'm going down.
227
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,201
Order me a new plane,
this time with a cup holder.
228
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,288
That man's heroism is out of control.
229
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,548
Another successful mission.
230
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:22,385
[♪ rock music playing]
231
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,471
♪ Riding the ground version of a jet ♪
232
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:31,185
♪ To really get the point across ♪
233
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,399
You ruined a $70 million aircraft,
234
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,527
and your wingman crashed
into Mount Springfield.
235
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,780
[♪ somber music playing]
236
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,950
He knew the deal when he got drafted.
237
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,537
Simpson, I am ordering you
to undergo psychological evaluation
238
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,790
to determine the source
of this reckless behavior.
239
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,209
Go ahead, sic a shrink on me.
240
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:58,129
When that dude looks inside my head,
241
00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:01,382
whoever he is,
that man won't find a thing.
242
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:05,845
You tell that male doctor
with his prominent Adam's apple
243
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:11,809
and hairy boobless chest to go
pound sand with his big masculine fists.
244
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,978
[Marge] Why don't you tell me yourself?
245
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,064
[♪ seductive music plays]
246
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:26,324
That's some control tower
you got up there.
247
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,035
And it spotted a pilot in distress.
248
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,914
I'm going to get to the root cause
of your dangerous fearlessness,
249
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:36,167
and help you get rid of it
once and for all.
250
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:40,129
Well, it's a pretty tall order,
little lady.
251
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,341
Tell you what, Doc,
you can dig into my brain,
252
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,511
but we'll do it my way on the fly.
253
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,678
See if you can keep up.
254
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,098
Try me, mister.
255
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,060
- [♪ rock music playing]
- ♪ Therapy at the speed of tears ♪
256
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,979
♪ Breakthroughs that normally take years ♪
257
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,066
♪ Analyze fast so the trauma can't hide ♪
258
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:06,656
♪ Forgive the child inside ♪
259
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,741
[bowling pins clatter]
260
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,703
You seek out danger. Why?
261
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:17,500
Danger is a me-seeking missile,
and I face it head on. No fear.
262
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:21,963
I think you do have a fear,
a fear of being afraid.
263
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,590
You're right. Fear scares me too much.
264
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,759
[squeals]
265
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,597
Because of my stupid fear of fear,
I lost every one of my wingmen.
266
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:35,268
I'm responsible for so many wing widows.
267
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:40,606
Then I have to do a flyover at
the funeral, and I lose another wingman.
268
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,569
It's a vicious cycle. [sobs]
269
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:49,615
I guess I don't have a shot
with you now, right?
270
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,369
A man showing vulnerability
is the biggest turnoff to women.
271
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,413
Try me, mister.
272
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:03,296
- [♪ rock music playing]
- ♪ Crying during sex ♪
273
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,883
♪ Crying during sex ♪
274
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,638
[sighs] You cured me.
275
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:16,017
I finally conquered my fearlessness.
276
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:22,815
[sighs] Betraying my professional code
of ethics has never felt so good.
277
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,985
[alarm wailing]
278
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,070
[all clamoring]
279
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,739
Simpson, thank God you're here.
280
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,325
America's greatest enemy
is preparing to attack.
281
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,660
- Who? China?
- No, not China.
282
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:37,079
Oh, God, no. Not China.
283
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,999
- Russia.
- No, not Russia either. No.
284
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,250
North Korea?
285
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,920
Stop naming real countries.
286
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,340
Now your target
is the weapons-grade nuclear reactor
287
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,968
recently discovered
in a heavily-fortified slot canyon
288
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:54,263
in the rogue nation of Nonexististan.
289
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,140
[all booing, jeering]
290
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,894
Only America should be able
to wipe out all life on Earth.
291
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,896
Yes, well put, Urine Test.
292
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,192
Our only chance is a precision strike
293
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:10,196
fired while executing a corkscrew
maneuver called the coffin roll.
294
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:15,451
Bold Eagle, this is the kind of insane
off-the-charts stunt you were born for.
295
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:16,994
Can we count on you?
296
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:22,833
Admiral, I conquered my fear of fear,
and now I'm not afraid to be afraid.
297
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,003
I can't do the coffin roll.
298
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,922
I might die!
299
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,508
Even the name is scary.
300
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:34,554
[shrieking]
301
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,308
That dude is cowardly to the max.
302
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,894
You fixed him. Now un-fix him back.
303
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,230
Homer, stop.
304
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,065
[yelps] Brand-new love interest.
305
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,650
I cured your fearlessness,
306
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,362
but your country needs you
to get it back for one last mission.
307
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:52,863
Get in that cockpit.
308
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,824
I'll be with you all the way.
309
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,742
And then more sex crying?
310
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,744
You better believe it, mister.
311
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,122
Okay, I'll try.
312
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,165
Uppies!
313
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,421
[Barney] Top jet squadron, report.
314
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,755
Hammer Toe.
315
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,173
Wheat Allergy.
316
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,341
Cameo.
317
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,677
Unsure Guy.
318
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,180
Homer, I said I'd be here with you.
I meant that.
319
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,436
Is this mid-air-apy?
320
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,063
Unload your feelings
321
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:30,359
and your infrared guided
AIM-9X Sidewinder missiles.
322
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,361
[♪ "Danger Zone" instrumental playing]
323
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,530
[no audible dialogue]
324
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,419
I'm fearless again.
325
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,422
You uncured the cure you cured before.
326
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:56,427
Now get up there and go kill
our purposefully vague enemies.
327
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,309
Bogies, squadron,
initiate attack pattern GLC.
328
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,936
That's Gabo Love-Tester Cromulent.
329
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,114
But I'm too famous to die!
330
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,085
Target acquired.
331
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,463
Engaging coffin roll.
332
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,965
You'll never survive it
with your plane in that shape.
333
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,550
It's suicide.
334
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,970
Wrong, it's them-icide.
335
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,655
You did it, Homer.
336
00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:01,367
Thanks to you, the best wingman I ever--
337
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,744
Oh, no. All my wingmen tragically die.
338
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:06,747
Oh, yeah, you said that.
339
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,669
[gasps] Nonexististan!
340
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,255
Oh, good, you're back.
341
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,466
You've been staring into your drink
and drooling for the last eight minutes.
342
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:22,471
Well, kids, just like American democracy,
my stupid experiment has failed,
343
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,765
so I'll have to be your babysitter.
344
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,517
Now, to let you watch TV all night
345
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,061
while I go through
your parents' medicine cabinet.
346
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,901
Oh, I left my house keys
back at the restaurant.
347
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,778
They're in my summer windbreaker.
348
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,780
[groans] Now we're stuck out here.
349
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:42,908
[gasps] What if it gets windy
and I have nothing to break it?
350
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,494
How did you drive here
without your car keys?
351
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:50,166
I start my car with a screwdriver ever
since I lost the keys in my fall peacoat.
352
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,584
Dad, calm down.
353
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,920
Mom hid a backup key
inside this fake rock.
354
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,882
Great, now we can get in.
355
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,719
No, you idiot, the key was in the rock.
356
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:04,597
I'm not a geologist.
357
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,807
[groans]
358
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,020
You're Homer's best pals.
359
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,271
Tell me something.
360
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,607
What's his whole deal?
361
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,109
Uh... good provider.
362
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:18,944
Uh, go-getter.
363
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:23,032
You're just saying that
because you're his friends with benefits.
364
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:28,704
You know, because you're all
on the same health and pension plan.
365
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,750
This round's on me.
366
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,084
[beeps]
367
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,254
What? I just paid this month's bill.
368
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:42,343
[gasps] Homer spent $3,000
on a vintage Centipede arcade game.
369
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,847
Hurry it up, guys.
The chump sprung for one-hour shipping.
370
00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:52,436
[groans] Why can't I have
a normal, responsible husband?
371
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,356
Like they used to have
in those movies from the '50s
372
00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:58,234
with businessmen played by Rock Hudson.
373
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,861
Now there was a man's man.
374
00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:07,910
So steady, so safe, so conventional.
375
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,538
In conclusion, gentlemen,
376
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:13,165
I hope you'll consider
implementing my proposed
377
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,875
ashtray expansion program.
378
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:19,797
In my view, it will achieve uninterrupted
desk-side smoking
379
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,467
while decreasing
costly ash disposal disruptions,
380
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:26,262
providing significant improvements
efficiency-wise,
381
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,056
profit-wise, and conformity-wise,
382
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,976
and it's backed by our best numbers man.
383
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:35,938
Fiscal Stu forecasts growth
in quarter two.
384
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,566
[all coughing, wheezing]
385
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:44,864
Top-notch work, Simpson.
386
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,907
You're a vital part of this company.
387
00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:48,242
Thank you, sir.
388
00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:52,580
Now go back to the anonymous junior
executive floor and resume toiling.
389
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,208
{\an8}[♪ somber music playing]
390
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:09,597
Dynamite presentation today, Simpson.
391
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,517
There may be an opening for
an executive position in optimization.
392
00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:15,853
Optimization?
393
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:19,398
Ooh, that's a world of difference
from efficiency.
394
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:20,649
Don't you want this?
395
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:22,776
I thought you had lead in your pencil,
396
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,779
whiskey in your coffee,
sand in your hula hoop.
397
00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:29,783
I have all those things in those things,
metaphor-wise.
398
00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:32,786
That's very wise, wise-wise.
399
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:36,790
Play your cards right
and you'll get one of these.
400
00:23:36,874 --> 00:23:40,878
[gasps] The key to the executive washroom.
401
00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:46,884
You'll be getting your shoes shined while
sitting in a marble-lined toilet stall.
402
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:51,639
A seat as cold as ice
and a flush as loud as thunder.
403
00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:55,684
You can seal the deal with the big boss
at his country club party tomorrow.
404
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:58,228
This could be the most
pivotal moment of your life.
405
00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:00,147
I did survive Normandy.
406
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,149
We would have won without you.
407
00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:14,703
{\an8}Hey, buddy boy, still amalgamating
those components
408
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:16,580
{\an8}at Amalgamated Components?
409
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:20,042
You're mopping up
some pretty chunky gravy, huh?
410
00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:23,253
Ha! I bet you're making 7,000 a year.
411
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:26,131
Well, accuracy-wise, 7,2.
412
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:29,343
Whoa. That gravy is
some pretty serious cheddar.
413
00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:34,181
You got the world by the tail, unlike me.
414
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:36,517
Next stop, Cheeverton.
415
00:24:37,184 --> 00:24:38,560
As you disembark,
416
00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:42,523
please take a moment to contemplate
how the post-war dream of prosperity
417
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:46,986
has curdled into an empty spiritual hole
at the center of your existence
418
00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:50,948
that you fill with alcohol
and loveless casual affairs.
419
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:52,950
Well, good riding with you, Homer.
420
00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:55,828
Keep providing for that
beautiful wife and kids.
421
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:57,496
I'm going to swim home now.
422
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,290
Pool to pool.
423
00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:02,876
[exclaims]
424
00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:05,629
Yahoo.
425
00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,096
Hello, dear.
426
00:25:16,432 --> 00:25:18,434
Who was that you were talking to?
427
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,561
Poor, sad Kirk Van Houten.
428
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:22,354
I feel bad for that guy.
429
00:25:22,438 --> 00:25:24,565
Swimming to an empty house every night.
430
00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:32,364
Who could find a strapping
athletic loner like that attractive?
431
00:25:32,448 --> 00:25:34,783
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, Daddy.
432
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,327
My boys, Dirk and Birk.
433
00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:42,124
We're going to that party, of course.
434
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,376
You want that promotion, don't you?
435
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:47,421
Well, it would be nice to move up,
cost-of-living wise,
436
00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:50,799
but then again,
I've only been at the company ten years.
437
00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,510
Tell us again about
the executive washroom, Papa.
438
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:55,763
How big is the urinal trough?
439
00:25:55,846 --> 00:25:57,222
No trough, boys.
440
00:25:57,306 --> 00:25:59,475
- Golly.
- What a life.
441
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:01,852
It's settled. We are going to that party
442
00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:03,812
and you are getting that promotion.
443
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:05,981
This family's going to move up
in the world,
444
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:08,650
even if it means you have
to work late in the city
445
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:11,236
and never spend a night in our bed again.
446
00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:15,657
Sleep well, my morose alcoholic stallion.
447
00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:20,621
There's the big boss.
448
00:26:20,704 --> 00:26:24,458
Here's your chance to prove
your manhood by debasing yourself.
449
00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:25,542
Grovel, Homer.
450
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:26,835
Grovel like the wind.
451
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:27,920
I'll do it.
452
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:29,338
I just need a drink.
453
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,882
Um, I'll have a now fashioned.
454
00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:38,055
{\an8}[groans]
455
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:44,561
What's eating at you, daddy-o?
456
00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:47,856
You're sweating
like Dalton Trumbo reading the blacklist.
457
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,818
I'm supposed to talk to the boss
about getting a promotion.
458
00:26:50,901 --> 00:26:52,778
It's everything I want in this life.
459
00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:54,822
Really? That's what you want?
460
00:26:54,905 --> 00:26:58,408
To be a soulless cog
in the capitalist machine?
461
00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:02,037
Just another yes-man
in a world full of yes-men?
462
00:27:02,121 --> 00:27:03,288
- Yes.
- Yes.
463
00:27:03,372 --> 00:27:05,082
- Yes.
- Yes.
464
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:07,459
- Yes.
- Yes.
465
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:10,254
Uh, yes?
466
00:27:10,337 --> 00:27:12,673
No, that's not for you.
467
00:27:12,756 --> 00:27:15,843
You don't want that sad, sad life.
468
00:27:15,926 --> 00:27:19,555
Three-martini lunch,
six-martini drive home.
469
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,766
All so you can keel over
with your face in an ashtray
470
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:25,936
while working late
on the Henderson account.
471
00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:29,857
You're a little presumptuous
for a bartender and/or female.
472
00:27:29,940 --> 00:27:33,944
I only sling sidecars to keep me
in bread and bongos.
473
00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,237
I'm an artist.
474
00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:39,950
This drawing captures my soul.
475
00:27:40,033 --> 00:27:43,745
I never thought a cocktail napkin
could be so devastating.
476
00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:47,249
D'oh. I don't want this empty life,
but I'm trapped.
477
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:49,585
Tell you what, my tip jar's full.
478
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:50,836
Let's get out of here.
479
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:55,257
Those fountainheads and pocket squares
will never know you're gone.
480
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:59,011
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!
481
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:03,056
And where we're going,
every neck is turtled.
482
00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:07,185
[♪ jazz music playing]
483
00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:45,933
[♪ music ends]
484
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:53,649
[Marge] Don't you feel like this great
cosmic energy is pushing us together?
485
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:54,733
Like, yeah.
486
00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:57,152
Like, I never felt,
like, this free before.
487
00:28:57,235 --> 00:29:00,197
I never thought I'd use
this many "likes" in a sentence.
488
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:05,661
I, like, think, like, I'm in, like,
love, like, with, like, you, like.
489
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,037
You're a poet.
490
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,915
Let's run away together to California.
491
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,583
I'll like do it.
492
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:14,378
The bus leaves
Cheeverton Station in two hours.
493
00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:20,676
I love you, artistic bartender chick.
494
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:24,262
I love you, mindless capitalist stooge.
495
00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:33,271
[♪ jazz music playing]
496
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:39,778
[♪ music ends]
497
00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:41,279
Going somewhere?
498
00:29:41,363 --> 00:29:44,199
Uh, well, you see, I was...
499
00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:46,785
I'll tell you where you're going:
up the ladder.
500
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:51,123
While you ran off God knows where,
in God knows what animation style,
501
00:29:51,206 --> 00:29:54,459
I did your job and buttered up your boss.
502
00:29:54,543 --> 00:29:56,545
[gasps] The promotion?
503
00:29:56,628 --> 00:30:01,800
That's right, Mr. Senior Junior
Assistant Vice President for Optimization.
504
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:05,220
[♪ slow folk music playing]
505
00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:13,478
♪ A hoping time, a time for hopeful hope ♪
506
00:30:15,731 --> 00:30:21,862
♪ A feeling warm and vague
Like when you need a nap ♪
507
00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:25,907
♪ Might-have-beens and should-have-dones ♪
508
00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:29,578
♪ We grieve all of our choices ♪
509
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:34,833
♪ With sad and mournful voices ♪
510
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,918
Is there something wrong, sir?
511
00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:38,670
Just keep shining.
512
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:48,972
Oh, that was so sad,
but all those driveways were spotless.
513
00:30:49,056 --> 00:30:52,017
I think I'm too drunk
to interpret meaning.
514
00:30:52,100 --> 00:30:56,772
- [phone chimes]
- Oh, no, what disaster is Homer up to now?
515
00:30:57,355 --> 00:31:00,984
Dad, you're not going to reach
the doorknob through the mail slot.
516
00:31:01,068 --> 00:31:02,069
Yes, I will.
517
00:31:02,152 --> 00:31:04,946
This is the arm that
liberated a thousand Snickers
518
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:07,699
and one accidental bag of apple chips.
519
00:31:07,783 --> 00:31:10,827
- [grunting]
- Hey, Dad, I have a great idea.
520
00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:14,414
I'm gonna pour all this birdseed
down your butt crack.
521
00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:16,083
How is that a great idea?
522
00:31:16,166 --> 00:31:18,126
[cackling]
523
00:31:18,210 --> 00:31:19,419
[birds chirping]
524
00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:20,670
[shouting]
525
00:31:20,754 --> 00:31:22,839
Hey, squirrel, that's not for you.
526
00:31:22,923 --> 00:31:24,299
You son of a gun!
527
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:26,593
[shouting, screaming]
528
00:31:29,596 --> 00:31:32,224
[growls] You... You...
529
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:34,309
I'm gonna get you!
530
00:31:34,392 --> 00:31:37,687
Why is Homer so broken?
531
00:31:37,771 --> 00:31:40,357
Oh! I'm sorry.
532
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:44,778
Is there maybe
a trauma of his you're ignoring?
533
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:46,780
Don't give me the head tilt.
534
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:50,283
You know, landing Lenny does not
make you a relationship expert.
535
00:31:50,367 --> 00:31:53,120
He fakes eye injuries to avoid intimacy.
536
00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:56,164
[gasps] That's not true, is it, lover?
537
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:57,541
Uh...
538
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,503
Ah! My eye. Gotta go for three weeks.
539
00:32:02,796 --> 00:32:05,173
Oh, and what's Lenny's trauma?
540
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:07,676
[crying]
541
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:11,096
Don't worry,
I won't ruin the rest of your date.
542
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,981
Couples night over.
543
00:32:21,064 --> 00:32:25,610
Auf Wiedersehen,
imaginary cocktail leprechaun.
544
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:27,779
[in German accent] I am real. I exist.
545
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,448
[in American accent]
Mmm, my name is Steve.
546
00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:35,162
[sighs] I can't do this.
547
00:32:35,245 --> 00:32:39,082
Just take me someplace where people
can wallow in their lowest moment
548
00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:41,710
with zero chance of being judged.
549
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,796
Yeah, yeah, one low-moment
wallow coming up.
550
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,216
It looks like an Aperol spritz.
551
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:49,384
It's vodka and rust.
552
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:55,182
[sighs] Moe, for the first time
in my entire married life,
553
00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:58,226
I didn't want to enter my own home.
554
00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:01,730
Whoa. I guess Homer did something
really bad this time.
555
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,023
Well, he's done worse.
556
00:33:03,106 --> 00:33:07,444
It's just that over time,
it builds up like fuzz in a lint trap
557
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:12,699
until one day, you get home
and your whole damn dryer is on fire.
558
00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:21,708
I just keep wondering what it would be
like to be married to a different Homer.
559
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:24,252
Maybe one who wasn't so full of rage,
560
00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:27,422
who could go through life
with a smile on his face.
561
00:33:27,505 --> 00:33:29,507
Great. Well, just keep staring
into your drink.
562
00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:30,884
Maybe something will happen.
563
00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:34,387
Hmm. A smile on his face.
564
00:33:37,057 --> 00:33:41,645
[Kent Brockman on TV] The mood tonight
in Darkham City remains relentlessly grim.
565
00:33:41,728 --> 00:33:45,190
Darkham continues to suffer
from a deep oppressive decay,
566
00:33:45,273 --> 00:33:49,277
almost plagiarizingly reminiscent
of an early Scorsese film.
567
00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:52,197
There's a simmering chaos
ready to boil over.
568
00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:57,285
Who knows what derivative spark
will set the city aflame.
569
00:33:57,369 --> 00:34:01,706
And now it's time for the late-evening
program with Krusty the Clown.
570
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:03,416
[♪ upbeat TV theme plays]
571
00:34:05,335 --> 00:34:06,378
Hey, hey.
572
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:09,422
So the sanitation strike
is in its 5th month.
573
00:34:09,506 --> 00:34:12,050
The trash is piled so high
in the street corners,
574
00:34:12,133 --> 00:34:16,096
if I want to get a hooker,
I have to hire a Sherpa. [laughs]
575
00:34:16,972 --> 00:34:18,181
[laughs]
576
00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:23,603
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
Krusty's still got it, right, Dad?
577
00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:27,482
You're the only one that laughs
at that degenerate clown.
578
00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:29,943
Krusty helps me forget my troubles.
579
00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:31,987
What troubles have you got to forget?
580
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,572
Now rinse me off
with our only broth ladle.
581
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,578
Good news. [laughs]
582
00:34:40,662 --> 00:34:43,164
Social services set me up
with my dream job,
583
00:34:43,248 --> 00:34:45,458
one where my... [laughs]
584
00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:49,337
...condition won't get in the... [laughs]
...way.
585
00:34:49,421 --> 00:34:54,509
Oh! Suddenly, someone's too good
to wash his daddy all day.
586
00:34:54,592 --> 00:34:57,596
Now sponge some soup into my mouth.
587
00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:09,899
Whoa! Cover yourself, starvy Keitel.
588
00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:10,984
[honks]
589
00:35:11,067 --> 00:35:13,486
Okay, clowns and clownettes,
590
00:35:13,570 --> 00:35:16,364
when you work
those birthday parties and discount sales,
591
00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:18,658
remember, you are not Krusty,
592
00:35:18,742 --> 00:35:21,494
nor are you affiliated
with the Krusty brand.
593
00:35:21,578 --> 00:35:25,123
You are his unlicensed friend, Krummy.
594
00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:27,083
So what is our motto?
595
00:35:27,167 --> 00:35:29,044
- No lawsuits.
- No lawsuits.
596
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:30,629
[laughing]
597
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:35,383
That's the Krummy spirit.
598
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:38,053
Don't send this guy
to the preschool graduation.
599
00:35:41,765 --> 00:35:43,058
{\an8}I'm good at this.
600
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:47,270
{\an8}Maybe my life will be
more than just a bathtub of filthy soup.
601
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:49,648
D'oh.
602
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:51,149
[grunts]
603
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:52,901
D'oh.
604
00:35:54,194 --> 00:35:56,279
D'oh. [grunts]
605
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,494
Ha-ha!
606
00:36:02,577 --> 00:36:03,912
[laughing]
607
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:08,333
Hey, swizzle stick,
are you laughing at me?
608
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:11,711
- [grunting]
- D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
609
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:17,509
This dude has a condition.
610
00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:20,345
Now it seems kind of messed-up
to stomp him.
611
00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:21,680
Yeah, you're right.
612
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,934
Yeah, thanks for making us
feel bad about ourselves, jerk.
613
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:34,192
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
614
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:39,698
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. Woo-hoo!
615
00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:43,451
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
616
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:46,871
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
617
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:51,000
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
618
00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:57,590
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
619
00:36:57,674 --> 00:37:00,009
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. Ah!
620
00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:07,726
[Krusty on TV] Last night, one
of my biggest fans was brutally attacked
621
00:37:07,809 --> 00:37:09,853
on the streets of Darkham.
622
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:11,104
Krusty.
623
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:16,276
He was stomped and beaten
and thrown down Origin Story stairs,
624
00:37:16,359 --> 00:37:20,196
all because he was
dressed like little old me.
625
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,616
Krusty loves me.
626
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:27,036
It was a senseless, brutal crime
627
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:32,625
committed by my four hilarious guests,
the Stomp Brothers!
628
00:37:32,709 --> 00:37:35,295
- [audience cheers]
- [Krusty laughs]
629
00:37:35,378 --> 00:37:37,380
[weakly] D'oh.
630
00:37:37,464 --> 00:37:40,008
You guys really revolutionized comedy
631
00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:43,678
with the way you beat
the crap out of that loser. [laughs]
632
00:37:44,846 --> 00:37:45,972
Roll the tape.
633
00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:48,767
- [♪ upbeat ragtime music playing]
- D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
634
00:37:48,850 --> 00:37:51,144
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
635
00:37:51,227 --> 00:37:54,898
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
636
00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:56,524
[all laughing]
637
00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,359
Why, Krusty?
638
00:37:58,443 --> 00:38:00,445
Why?
639
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,447
Because it's hilarious.
640
00:38:02,530 --> 00:38:05,992
How come you're not laughing,
Bones McGee? [laughs]
641
00:38:08,703 --> 00:38:09,954
{\an8}You're not funny.
642
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:11,206
Nothing's funny.
643
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:13,166
Society's not funny.
644
00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:16,085
{\an8}I'm the stomper now. [grunts]
645
00:38:17,003 --> 00:38:20,256
{\an8}What in tarnation?
646
00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:21,549
[groans]
647
00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:23,635
[♪ rock music playing]
648
00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:28,723
I'm free.
649
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:35,021
Nothing's gonna knock me down.
650
00:38:35,104 --> 00:38:36,731
D'oh. D'oh.
651
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:38,983
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
652
00:38:39,067 --> 00:38:41,194
[continues groaning]
653
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:54,582
[inmates cackling, jeering]
654
00:38:56,626 --> 00:39:00,922
Oh, this bleak, disgusting world
just got sad.
655
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:03,007
I know you. You're Homer.
656
00:39:04,425 --> 00:39:07,428
A beautiful lunatic knows my name?
657
00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:09,472
Everybody knows you.
658
00:39:09,556 --> 00:39:12,851
The whole city
saw what you did to that rich guy.
659
00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:16,521
Everyone is on your side
in your fight against authority.
660
00:39:16,604 --> 00:39:18,147
You're not just infamous.
661
00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:20,358
You're famous. Look.
662
00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:22,819
- [cheering]
- Hey!
663
00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,863
[whimpers] Do they want to stomp me?
664
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:27,282
No, they want to be you.
665
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:31,786
This crowd of clown celebrators
or clowncels
666
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,580
have gathered in support of the vigilante
667
00:39:33,663 --> 00:39:36,124
who struck a blow
against systemic injustice
668
00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:39,627
by murdering a rich man
who was donating money to the hospital.
669
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:42,964
They have dubbed
their new hero the D'ohker.
670
00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:46,217
Thanks for making me feel seen
and feared, D'ohker.
671
00:39:46,301 --> 00:39:50,138
Snuffman is ready to unleash
his toxic male rage.
672
00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:51,222
D'oh-yah!
673
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:53,808
D'ohker, D'ohker!
674
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,769
Those angry maniacs
will follow you anywhere.
675
00:39:56,853 --> 00:39:58,980
They're ready to die for your cause.
676
00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:00,565
I don't have a cause.
677
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:01,816
Yes, you do.
678
00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:05,945
You're getting back at everyone that
hurt you in this whole rotten society,
679
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:08,740
and you're going to do it with a smile.
680
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:10,241
Come here.
681
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,038
Now you do me.
682
00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:23,922
Your adoring fans await.
683
00:40:24,005 --> 00:40:25,757
Let's not disappoint them.
684
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,427
This may be the 39 flights of stairs
I fell down talking,
685
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:34,933
but I hear a slow, haunting version
of a song that's usually fast and funny.
686
00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:41,522
- [♪ slow, haunting music playing]
- ♪ Happy song done ironic ♪
687
00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:47,612
♪ Sung like a catatonic ♪
688
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:52,742
♪ Painfully clear ♪
689
00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:57,121
♪ That the mood is ♪
690
00:40:57,205 --> 00:41:02,627
♪ So drear ♪
691
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:09,258
♪ And to really put it on the nose ♪
692
00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:12,178
♪ Make sure you close ♪
693
00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:19,268
♪ In an off-putting minor key ♪
694
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,618
The D'ohker has escaped.
695
00:41:35,702 --> 00:41:38,705
The peeved pagliacci broke out
of Darkham Asylum
696
00:41:38,788 --> 00:41:43,084
with maniac pixie dream girl,
Margeley Quinn, by his side.
697
00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:47,046
They're leading an army
of similarly-shod antisocial sickos
698
00:41:47,130 --> 00:41:49,465
with no clear purpose or motive.
699
00:41:49,549 --> 00:41:52,969
I have but one purpose and motive,
and they are clear:
700
00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:56,389
to kill Krusty for using
his television show
701
00:41:56,472 --> 00:41:59,559
to loser-shame his biggest fan.
702
00:41:59,642 --> 00:42:01,310
[clowns] Yeah!
703
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:05,398
[all chanting] Kill Krusty, kill Krusty.
704
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:08,776
So, Vonnegut, will I understand
Slaughterhouse-Five
705
00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:10,653
if I didn't read the first four?
706
00:42:10,737 --> 00:42:14,991
[scoffs] Slaughterhouse-Five, or as
it's also known, The Children's Crusade,
707
00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:18,745
is a darkly humorous exploration
of the randomness of existence.
708
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,415
Die, Krusty, die, Krusty.
709
00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:25,960
This is for humiliating me
and for every bad thing
710
00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:30,590
that's ever happened to anyone since
and including the beginning of time.
711
00:42:30,673 --> 00:42:33,134
- [all grunting]
- [Krusty groaning]
712
00:42:34,594 --> 00:42:36,012
- [Krusty] Cut to commercial.
- We did it.
713
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:40,767
We solved all of society's problems
by killing my favorite talk show host.
714
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:42,977
Oh! We're just getting started.
715
00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:46,439
We'll burn this whole city down,
and nothing can stop us
716
00:42:46,522 --> 00:42:50,651
because Batman is contractually
not allowed to exist in this universe.
717
00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:55,698
For the first time, I feel loved.
718
00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:05,249
Wait, what?
719
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:07,085
The D'ohker is happy?
720
00:43:07,627 --> 00:43:08,628
And loved.
721
00:43:08,711 --> 00:43:11,506
He's not a self-celibate freak like us.
722
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:13,382
He's got a girlfriend.
723
00:43:13,466 --> 00:43:14,675
No Chads!
724
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:16,552
He's found love.
725
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:17,887
Kill them!
726
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:19,472
[clowns] Die, D'ohker.
727
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:20,890
Die, D'ohker.
728
00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:30,566
Well, at least in that fantasy,
we ended up together.
729
00:43:30,650 --> 00:43:34,403
Marge, you're the classiest person
to ever pass out in my bar,
730
00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:36,239
but you should go on home now.
731
00:43:36,322 --> 00:43:37,907
[groans]
732
00:43:39,951 --> 00:43:41,494
Oh, my head hurts.
733
00:43:41,577 --> 00:43:44,831
[sighs] I don't even know
which Homer I want.
734
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:47,625
[sighs] Here I go.
735
00:43:49,210 --> 00:43:51,170
Homer. Homer.
736
00:43:51,754 --> 00:43:53,089
Homer?
737
00:43:53,172 --> 00:43:55,174
Homer? Kids?
738
00:43:55,258 --> 00:43:57,844
Anyone? Where are you?
739
00:44:02,014 --> 00:44:04,934
There he is, my Homer.
740
00:44:06,936 --> 00:44:08,896
I'm sorry about everything.
741
00:44:08,980 --> 00:44:10,815
Shh. It's okay.
742
00:44:10,898 --> 00:44:14,485
I know all you wanted was
a fun couples night out,
743
00:44:14,569 --> 00:44:16,779
and I couldn't even really be there.
744
00:44:16,863 --> 00:44:18,447
Oh, you were there.
745
00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:22,577
You're the bravest,
smartest, happiest Homer for me.
746
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:23,703
You're perfect.
747
00:44:27,540 --> 00:44:30,293
{\an8}[♪ rock music playing]