Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part 2)
My mouth tastes like an ashtray.
Smithers, wait your turn. There's plenty of hot water for all.
Sir. You weren't shot.
It was all a dream.
That's right. The year is 1965.
You and I are undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit.
Now let's burn rubber, baby.
Speedway Squad! In color.
Wait. That was all a dream.
Hey, then maybe I haven't become a hideous drunken wreck.
Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield.
But until now, none of them was important. I'm Kent Brockman.
At 3 p.m. Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot...
...following a tense confrontation at town hall.
Burns was rushed to a hospital where he was pronounced dead.
He transferred to a better hospital where doctors upgraded his condition to alive.
Now let's talk to Police Chief Wiggum.
Oh, hiya, Kent.
Right now we are questioning two witnesses...
...who were in the vicinity at the time.
Did you see this guy? Was he near the parking lot when Burns got shot?
It's no use. They ain't talking.
Everyone in Springfield had a reason to shoot Mr. Burns, even us.
Bart, he broke your dog's legs.
Grampa, he destroyed your home.
And, Dad, you went berserk when he couldn't remember your name.
Berserk is right!
May I have some iced tea, please?
Aren't we forgetting someone, sister suspect?
Yeah, I was just getting to me.
Because of Burns, they cancelled my jazz program...
...and my friend Tito Puente got fired.
But I could never shoot someone.
- Could so. - Could not.
Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned you're both potential murderers.
The police already have a suspect. It's Mr. Smithers.
- Sure. Oh, yeah. He's a good suspect. - I bet he's the one.
Yeah, Smingers did it. Case closed. Now, where's my hat?
I'm going to the outhouse.
- We don't have an outhouse. - My tool shed. Oh, Dad.
Could I have shot Mr. Burns in a drunken rage?
No. No, not me. I know in my heart, I...
A gun.
And it's been recently fired. Wait.
I remember leaving the town meeting.
I must have run into Mr. Burns outside and...
Mr. Burns. What have I done?
Homer, us hotheads here is gonna go tear down Burns' sun-blocking machine.
- You wanna come with? - Sure.
I've had it up to here with these damn rickets.
Pull, duchess. Pull.
- What town did we just crush? - Shelbyville.
This guilt is driving me mad. I've got to tell someone.
Father, I'm not a Catholic, but...
Well, I tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Anyway I've got a rather large sin to confess.
I'm the one who shot Mr. Burns.
That's all I needed to hear. Boy, this thing works great.
The man became consumed by greed. He'd steal from anyone.
This isn't a rival company. It's a school.
- People won't stand for it. - Pishposh.
It will be like taking candy from a baby.
Say, that sounds like a "larf."
And when he tried to steal our sunlight...
...he crossed that line between everyday villainy and cartoonish super-villainy.
He was a rank amateur compared to Dr. Colossus.
When is my lawyer coming?
- Smithers. Over here. - Smithers. Smithers.
Dave Shutton, Springfield Daily Shopper. Who are you? Where you going?
Do your research. Kent Brockman, Channel 6 News.
How does it feel to be accused of the attempted murder of your boss?
Kent, I feel about as low as Madonna...
...when she found out she missed Tailhook.
I'm gonna say "ouch" for Madonna.
Hey. That's my Madonna gag. That guy stole my gag.
And you stole it from last Friday's episode of Pardon My Zinger.
Stole, made up, what's the difference?
Mr. Smithers must have seen that program too.
He never misses it.
At the meeting, he mentioned he watched Comedy Central.
I made sure to note that, as it seemed quite unusual.
Ye gods. To the police station, Krusty.
I am Melvin Van Horn.
And this is my associate Herschel Krustofski.
- Hey, hey. - Officers...
...you have arrested an innocent man.
Really? Oh, jeez.
All right, Colossus, you're free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain.
But all my stuff is there.
I was referring to Waylon Smithers.
Mr. Burns was shot Friday at 3 p.m.
The very time that Smithers was at home watching Pardon My Zinger.
So you see, he couldn't have done it.
Yes, you're right. I remember now. I watched that entire show.
In fact...
...I left the town meeting early so I could get home in time.
I've gotta run or I'll miss the opening rank-out.
Get out of my way, please.
Slow down. The sidewalk's for regular walking...
...not for fancy walking. - Out of my way.
- You simmer down, I'll let you go.
So instead of wounding an evil old man, I may have killed an innocent old man.
- That's much worse. - About 50,000 volts worse...
...if you know what I mean.
- Sizzle. - Wait a minute.
If a second old geezer got shot, how come nobody reported it?
Hi.
Can we look at your leg?
Yeah, that's real spruce.
- You like it? - Thank God.
Sir, I only hope you can forgive me for shooting your wooden leg.
- You shot who in the what now? - Okay, Smithers, you're free to go.
And, you, one question: Do you know who shot Mr. Burns?
Because we are really up the creek on this one.
And with the prime suspect cleared and found innocent...
...we must now ask ourselves...
...who could possibly be as bloodthirsty as Waylon Smithers?
I guess it's never the most likely suspect.
Actually, Mom, in 95 percent of cases it is.
The rest of the time it's some lunatic who did it for no reason.
Hey, I had a damn good reason.
He could never remember my name.
Who the devil are you?
Homer Simpson.
My name is Homer Simpson.
Well, I don't think anyone in this family is capable of attempted murder.
You never know what you're capable of.
I never thought I could shoot down a German plane.
But last year I proved myself wrong.
Nancy Drew says all you need to solve a mystery...
...is an inquisitive temperament and two friends.
And I've got an inquisitive temperament. Maybe I could help solve this.
I think you're a little young to be investigating an attempted murder.
Why don't you try to solve the mystery of who put that mud in the freezer.
- Who wants chocolate ice cream? - Me. Me. Me.
Okay, boys, we've got a clue: The bullet they took out of Burns.
Now let's discuss...
...the motive.
Mr. Burns is the richest man in town. Maybe it's about money.
- That's some good thinking, Lou. - Thanks.
Hey, I said that. My name is Lisa Simpson.
And I made a chart of all the suspects in the Burns case. Look.
Mr. Burns hurt all these people financially.
Nightclub owner Moe Syzslak.
His bar was closed because of Burns ' negligence.
Liquor connoisseur Barney Gumble.
When Moe's closed, Barney lost his means of support:
Sucking coins out of the Love Tester machine.
That's a real good way to get sick.
Dedicated educator Principal Seymour Skinner.
His school lost millions when Burns pirated its oil well.
And Groundskeeper Willie.
He lost his job and his dream of owning a fine crystal slop bucket.
What about that teacher that got laid off?
You know, Mr. Samba? Seņor Mambo? What was it?
- Tito Puente? - Yeah.
Well, he did vow revenge.
I can't see him doing something illegal. He's in show business.
- He's a celebrity. - Let's roll, boys.
Revenge? Of course. But why wound his body with bullets...
...when I can set his soul afire with a slanderous mambo?
Listen, if you will, to my revenge.
Wounds won 't last long
But an insulting song
Burns will always carry with him
So I'll settle my score
On the salsa floor
With this vengeful Latin rhythm
Burns
Seņor Burns
It may not surprise you
But all of us despise you
Please die
And fry in hell
You rotten, rich old wretch
Yeah.
Okay. Okay, I believe you're innocent.
Gee, I hope all of the suspects are this much fun.
Now...
Now let...
Let me...
Let me think.
Now, I did...
I did go to the town meeting with the intention of ambushing Mr. Burns.
When it adjourned...
...I rushed to the lavatory to apply my camouflage makeup.
Blast. I took mother's makeup kit by mistake.
- Oh, excuse me, ma'am. - Superintendent Chalmers.
Oh, my God.
So Superintendent Chalmers can vouch for you?
Oh, yes. But anything else he tells you is a filthy lie.
I'm telling you, I could not have shot Burns.
- This is your last warning about that. - It's impossible for me to fire a pistol.
If you'll check my medical records...
...you'll see I have a crippling arthritis in me index fingers.
Look at them.
I got it from "Space Invaders" in 1977.
- That was a pretty addictive video game. - Video game?
- Did you hold a grudge against Burns? - No.
All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.
Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Good, because I got a hot date tonight.
A date. Dinner with friends.
Dinner alone. Watching TV alone.
All right.
I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Sears catalogue. Now would you unhook this already, please?
I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
I found your cigar box in the backyard, but the gun wasn't there.
Have you seen it?
You accuse me of everything around here.
"Who put slippers in the dishwasher?"
"Who threw a cane at the TV?"
"Who fell into the china hutch?"
I was just asking if you'd seen it.
There's no need to be a prickly pear.
Oh, you're the bee's knees, baby.
I missed you bad.
Were you talking to me, Grampa?
Yes.
We're still not close. Boy, this is gonna be an all-night brain buster.
Well, better drink some coffee.
We're out of coffee. Oh, well, I'll just drink this warm cream.
I'm not following you.
Look at Burns' suit.
I had an idea, chief.
Why don't we check out that suit Burns was wearing?
You had the same backwards-talking dream...
...with the flaming cards? - I'll drive.
Eureka.
Nice eyelash. Yours?
No. We need to find out who it belonged to. We want a DNA test.
That takes eight to 10 weeks.
Did I say weeks? Because I meant seconds.
What, do you got the whole town's DNA on file?
If you've handled a penny, the government's got your DNA.
Why do you think they keep them in circulation? Scan's finished.
Now it's gonna narrow it down to the family bloodline.
- Homer Simpson. - Bingo. Our gunman has a name-o.
- Chief, chief. - Chief, chief.
Chief Wiggum, what are you doing? What's going on?
I'm sorry. We got Simpson DNA on Burns' clothing...
...and your father was identified by the old man himself.
DNA, positive ID, those won't hold up in any court. Run, Dad.
Look what I found under Mr. Simpson's car seat.
- I swear I've never seen that gun before. - Why are your fingerprints all over it?
This bullet matches the one we took out of Burns.
Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for attempted murder.
Yeah, that's what they all say.
They all say, "D'oh."
We need two cups of coffee and two orders of bite-size breakfast pancakes...
...with extra dipping sauce.
Please pull up to the service window, please.
The wagon's too tall.
I don't wanna have to get out. I'll just drive up on the curb.
- Almost got it. - Drop the food, chief.
Damn fools. Drive-through's not for a parking.
Diane, I'm gonna take my break now.
- Hi, everybody. - Homer Simpson.
Okay, that was a little strange.
- Tell me, how are you feeling today? - Homer.
Simpson, Homer. Simpson.
That seems to be all you can say.
When you were in that coma did you feel your brain getting damaged?
The police have such a strong case against Homer.
Burns said he did it. They have Homer's DNA.
They have Simpson DNA. It could've come from any of us.
Except you, since you're a Bouvier.
No, no. When I took your father's name...
...I took everything that came with it, including DNA.
Okay, Mom.
Anyway my point is, the evidence isn't as concrete as it seems.
Like those fingerprints, they could have gotten on the gun some other way.
Are you sure you don't want me to hold one of your cones?
Yeah, right. You chose fruit, you live with fruit.
No. No. No.
Why is this on the floor?
And we don't even know whose gun that was.
Maybe somebody planted it there to frame Dad.
No, we can't start thinking that way about our own family members.
Suspicion could tear us apart.
That's right. We all gotta stick together...
...if we're gonna have any hope of bringing that awful Homer to justice.
Here is a photo of the fugitive from our files.
And now Waylon Smithers...
...who's been a real good sport about that wrongful arrest thing...
...has a statement that he would like to make.
Thank you.
As Montgomery Burns' friend, I'm certain there is nothing he would want more...
...than swift brutal revenge against Homer Simpson.
Therefore I am offering a $50,000 reward for his capture.
- Dead or alive. - Holy cow. Me first. Me first.
- Homer Simpson? - So you finally learned my name, eh?
Homer Simpson.
I've got no time for your demented parlor games.
You won't be telling anyone else that Homer Simpson shot you.
The scene of the crime.
There must be something here that can clear Dad.
- Clue, clue. - That's it.
Oh, Mr. Pigeon, I'd kiss you if you weren't swimming with disease.
So the DNA was right. It must have been...
Oh, Dad.
Attention. Simpson has been sighted.
Proceed at once to Marvin Monroe Memorial Hospital.
Be careful when we capture him.
We cannot claim the reward unless we have 51 percent of the carcass.
Stop! Don't shoot my dad!
He's innocent. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Stop telling them it was me. - Homer Simpson.
- I'll kill you for saying it was me. - Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson.
What is the meaning of this?
Smithers. Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?
Say it, Burns. Say I never shot you.
- Before. - Shot?
By you? I'm afraid not, my primitive friend.
Your kind has neither the cranial capacity...
...nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm.
The one who shot me was...
Maggie Simpson.
With the sun-blocker in place and the town aghast...
...I was on top of the world.
So I wanted to kick up my heels and indulge my sweet tooth.
I feel like celebrating.
Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about?
I see.
Yes. That's the one.
Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby.
But with him out of the picture I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.
I think you'd better drop it.
But the old axiom was misleading.
Taking the candy proved exceedingly difficult.
I said, drop it!
Stricken, I lurched forth in search of aid...
...but finding only slack-jawed gawkers...
...I gave up and collapsed on the sundial.
Then with your last ounce of strength you pointed to W and S.
Or from your point of view, M and S.
- Maggie Simpson. - What?
No. With my last ounce of strength...
...I sucked out my gold fillings and swallowed them.
Those paramedics have sticky fingers.
I'm relieved that Homer's safe, you've recovered...
...and we can get back to normal.
If Maggie could talk, she'd apologize for shooting you.
I'm afraid that's insufficient. Officer, arrest the baby.
Yeah, right, pops.
No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby. Maybe Texas.
Besides, she didn't mean it. It was an accident.
Subtitles by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH]