1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,880 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,231 D' 3 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,817 Aah! 4 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,918 "Hors do-vers." 5 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,586 Homer! You promised. 6 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:29,255 I promised I wouldn't eat? Never. You lie. 7 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,300 Homer, please. We've never thrown a party. 8 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,569 Now we're gonna pay back all the friends 9 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,095 who have invited us to their homes. 10 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,806 Never thrown a party? What about that big bash we had 11 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:41,101 with all the champagne and musicians and holy men and everything? 12 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,977 That was our wedding. 13 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,687 Children, it's time for you to go to bed. 14 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,022 But Mom, I want to hear 15 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,541 the witty banter of sophisticated adults. 16 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,150 Yeah, you can't have any fun in bed. 17 00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,363 Son, when you're older, you'll know better. 18 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,950 Baby. 19 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,911 Yeah. 20 00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,412 They're here! 21 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,706 - How does everything look? - How do I look? 22 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,935 - Do we have enough glasses? - Do we have enough gag ice cubes? 23 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,603 - Homer, put a record on! - What are all our friends' names, again? 24 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,879 Children, go! 25 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,881 - Hi, Homer. - Please come in. 26 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,442 - You look lovely tonight. - Marge, you're looking swell. 27 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,718 And the house... You've done whatever. 28 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,179 Hey, anybody mind if I serve as bartender? 29 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,390 I have a Ph.D. in Mixology. 30 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,392 College boy. 31 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,935 Hey, Homer, care to try 32 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,645 some of my Flanders Planter's Punch? 33 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:28,064 Why not? I paid for it. 34 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,320 Hey, Flanders, next time why don't you put a little alcohol in it? 35 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,030 Au contraire, Simpson. 36 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,199 It has three shots of rum, a jigger of bourbon, 37 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,536 and a little dab-a-roo of Crème de Cassis for flavor. 38 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:44,998 Really? I do have a warm sense of well-being, 39 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,250 and I seem to be slurring my speech. 40 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,835 You're right. Give me another. 41 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,795 Homer, go easy on the alc-e-hol. 42 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,439 Remember last year, at the Winfield's party 43 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,632 when you threw up in the laundry hamper? 44 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,551 No. 45 00:02:56,634 --> 00:03:01,598 ♪ The look of love is in... ♪ 46 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:05,143 Hey, you're Homer's sister-in-law, right? 47 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:08,313 I remember you. But I don't remember you 48 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,690 being so beautiful. 49 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,358 Hey! 50 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,197 Is that a new kind of mace? Really painful. 51 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,157 Dr. Hibbert. 52 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,575 Enjoying the party? 53 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,660 No, not really. 54 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,205 Someone seems to have slipped one of those novelty ice cubes 55 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,832 with a fake fly in my drink. 56 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:31,544 It was me. You fell for it. 57 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,130 Homer, these novelty ice cubes are often made 58 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,007 from highly toxic chemicals. 59 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,843 Ironically, a real fly would have been much more sanitary. 60 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:42,138 You should see the look on your face. It's priceless. 61 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,895 Bart! Come over here. 62 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,231 - What? - You little monkey. 63 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,958 - You're a little monkey, aren't you? - Yes, sir. 64 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:55,485 Bart, do that thing you do that's so cute. 65 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,820 - What? - That thing you know how to do. 66 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,115 - What? - Go to bed. 67 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,409 - Hey, everybody! - Whoa. 68 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:07,372 Look! I'm the funniest guy in the world! 69 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,749 Homer, you're the king. 70 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:27,725 I have been wanting to tell you off for years, 71 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,727 but I never had the nerve. 72 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,146 I don't know you. My wife and your wife are friends. 73 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,457 We just met just three hours ago. 74 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,024 You stink! 75 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,903 You and your whole lousy operation stinks. 76 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,613 I quit! 77 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,991 - Gee, don't... don't quit. - All right then. 78 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,662 Could you... 79 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,038 give me a... 80 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,040 handful of peanuts... 81 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,167 - Maude? - Sure. 82 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,544 Not those peanuts. 83 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:58,673 - The ones at the bottom. - Okay. 84 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,971 Hey, thanks for inviting me. 85 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,973 I had a wonderful time. 86 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,058 I must apologize for my husband. 87 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,852 If you want him to live through the night, 88 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:13,229 I suggest you roll him onto his stomach. 89 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,106 Thank you, I will, Dr. Hibbert. 90 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,107 Thanks for coming. 91 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,359 Remember, I said if. 92 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,992 I have never been so embarrassed 93 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,076 in my life. 94 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,286 Why? 95 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,204 What did you do? 96 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:39,505 Ooh. 97 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:40,673 Ooh. 98 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,342 Marge! 99 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,136 - Come here. - Where are we going? 100 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,847 Shh! I want to make sure 101 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,099 the kids don't hear. 102 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,411 When I was young, I always hated knowing my parents were fighting. 103 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,103 They're fighting in the car again. 104 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,190 That music always sends a chill down my spine. 105 00:05:57,273 --> 00:06:00,777 Homer, do you remember the way you acted at the party last night? 106 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,820 The way I acted? 107 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,114 So I said, "I must get out of these wet clothes 108 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,283 and into a dry martini." 109 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,743 - Well-said, indeed. - Thank you. 110 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,286 Good Lord, there's a fly in my drink. 111 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,913 - I put it there. - You did? 112 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,432 I slipped it into your glass as a gag. 113 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:16,084 - Pure hilarity. - Pure Homer. 114 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,487 I pronounce it to be the most whimsical joke of the season. 115 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,687 Homer? 116 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,106 I like to think 117 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,982 that I'm a patient, tolerant woman 118 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,984 and that there was no line you could cross 119 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,903 that could make me stop loving you. 120 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:47,073 But last night, you didn't just cross that line, 121 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,033 you threw up on it! 122 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,410 I'm sorry, honey. 123 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,662 Can't we just forget it, and go to church? 124 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,747 I'm going to church alone today. 125 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,999 You're going to stay here and explain to Bart 126 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,378 - why you scarred him for life. - No, I didn't! 127 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:03,131 I... you mean inside, don't you? 128 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,841 About last night... 129 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,301 You might have noticed Daddy acting a little strange, 130 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,053 and you probably don't understand why. 131 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,847 I understand why. You were wasted. 132 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,516 I admit it. I didn't know when to say when. 133 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,226 I'm sorry it happened. 134 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,995 I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me. 135 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,729 Dad, I have as much respect for you 136 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,482 - as I ever did or ever will. - Aw... 137 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,944 Now, before I give you all a sneak preview of next week's sermon, 138 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:28,448 I have some announcements to make. We have some new pamphlets 139 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,116 available in our church news rack, 140 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:33,161 including "Bible Bafflers," "Satan's Boners," 141 00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,954 "Good Grief," "More Satan's Boners," 142 00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:38,374 and for the teens, "It's Not Cool to Fry in Hell." 143 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,335 Marge? Marge? 144 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,965 I'm sorry, the Lord and I can't compete 145 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,259 with the squeaking of Homer Simpson's shoes. 146 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:51,429 Why don't we just put everything on hold until he takes a seat? 147 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,264 - Sorry, Reverend. - Sit down, Homer. 148 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,516 Mrs. Lovejoy and myself will be holding 149 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:59,479 our third annual marriage retreat next weekend at Catfish Lake. 150 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,564 It's psychological counseling 151 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,816 for couples whose marriages are hanging by a thread... 152 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,195 or those just in need of a tune-up. 153 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,655 Now, if you wish to participate, please sign up in the lobby 154 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,366 after the service is over. 155 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,036 Will the Simpsons be attending our little retreat? 156 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,246 Well, it's very tempting. 157 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,081 Really a wonderful idea. 158 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,460 Marge! What are you doing? Are you insane? 159 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:25,129 No! Give it to... 160 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,672 - We'll be there. - D' 161 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,929 Marriage encounter weekend, here I come. 162 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,722 Now you want to go? 163 00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:36,849 They're holding it at Catfish Lake. 164 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,143 They couldn't call it Catfish Lake 165 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,604 if it didn't have a catfish in it. 166 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,458 We're going to this retreat to give our marriage a tune-up and that's all. 167 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,192 No fishing. 168 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,277 That must be the baby-sitter. 169 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,447 - Hello. I'm Mrs. Simpson. - Simpson... 170 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,617 - Simpson... - Come back for more? 171 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,674 - Hey! What? What? - My! 172 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:12,069 Where are we supposed to get a sitter on such short notice? 173 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:16,806 Dear, if we can't find a baby-sitter, we can't go. 174 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,099 What a kick in the teeth. 175 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:19,976 What do you need a baby-sitter for? 176 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,139 - I'm almost 10 and a half. - Mom, you wouldn't dare. 177 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:23,664 Don't take that tone with me young lady, 178 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,706 or I'll give you a taste of the back of me hand. 179 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:25,730 No you don't! 180 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:28,317 - Grampa? - Hey! Yow! What? 181 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,778 Grampa, could you do something? 182 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,614 - I can dress myself. . Well, I was wondering. 183 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,200 Do you think you could baby-sit the kids this weekend? 184 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,077 I wouldn't ask, except I'm desperate. 185 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,790 Sure. Last resort. Old Grampa, the feeb, 186 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:47,253 the guy who can't be counted on for nothing, nohow, dag-nab it. 187 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,463 Everyone's against me. 188 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,465 I'll do it. 189 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,843 Marge, just putting a few last things in the trunk. 190 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,514 Now, if Maggie runs a fever, you call this number. 191 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,851 If she sticks her finger in an electrical socket, call this number. 192 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,614 And if she drinks pine cleanser, call this. 193 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,771 Just give the list! I can read. 194 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,315 Alright, alright. 195 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,001 Good-bye, children, and behave yourselves. 196 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,486 Mwah! 197 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:15,031 Call this number if Grampa falls in the bathtub. 198 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,074 - I heard that. - Bye. 199 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,536 Grampa, Mom was in such a hurry, she forget to give you this. 200 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,040 It's a list of the things Lisa and I can and can't do. 201 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,544 You're allowed to smoke cigars? 202 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,342 Bait. 203 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,013 Better get some gas. 204 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:40,931 Fill 'er up. 205 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:44,018 I guess I'll go and stretch my legs. 206 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,065 - Where are you headed? - Catfish Lake. 207 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,275 After General Sherman, are you? 208 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,319 Wait a minute. Who's General Sherman? 209 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,404 He's only the biggest catfish in these parts. 210 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,823 - Yeah? - They say he weighs upwards of 500 pounds. 211 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,076 - Whoa. Who says that? - They do. 212 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:04,056 Yeah, that there is the only known picture of the general. 213 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,915 Can't see what he is, exactly. 214 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,249 He's freakishly big, though. 215 00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,878 Gentlemen, I am going 216 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:11,961 to catch General Sherman. 217 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,881 Ooh... 218 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,091 My. 219 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,842 After the supermarket, 220 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,969 we'll go to the video store, grab a Krusty Burger 221 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,097 and head for the arcade. 222 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,933 Bart, Grampa's a kindly old man who trusts us. 223 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,644 Are you sure it's right to take advantage of him? 224 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,854 Lise, in these crazy, topsy-turvy times, 225 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,856 who's to say what's right or wrong? 226 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,193 But right now, my gut's telling me "bleed Gramps dry." 227 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,779 Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, welcome. 228 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,240 Hello, Reverend. We're glad we could come. 229 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,075 - Hello, Helen. - Hello, Marge. 230 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,618 Why, Homer Simpson. 231 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,371 Here to give your marriage a little spit shine? 232 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,206 None of your business, Flanders. 233 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:50,793 Say, Reverend, are we gonna get a chance to do any fishing? 234 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:54,922 I'm afraid not. A marriage can't be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. 235 00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,091 It takes a whole weekend to do that. 236 00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,385 We must bait our hooks with honesty, 237 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:02,471 that way, a happy marriage won't be the one that got away. 238 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,306 I see. 239 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,851 I also understand bowling expressions. 240 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,936 Three couples. Our best turnout yet. 241 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,730 Why don't we go around the room 242 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,857 and everyone can introduce themselves 243 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,109 and tell us a little bit about why they're here? 244 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,235 John, Gloria? 245 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,528 My name's Gloria. 246 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:20,156 I'm here because Johnny-boy 247 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,242 hasn't been able to cut it man-wise for some time. 248 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,871 Not that I'd want his odor of gin and sour defeat 249 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,622 pressed against me. 250 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,499 - That's enough, Gloria! - Thank you, Gloria. 251 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,878 John, why don't you tell us a little about why you're here? 252 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:37,214 She never cooks, she keeps a filthy house and she talks profanely. 253 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,717 - She's the queen of the harpies. - No, I'm not. 254 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,153 - Queen of the harpies. - No, I'm not. 255 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,928 Here's your crown, Your Majesty! 256 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,948 - Queen of the harpies! - Get away from me, you swine! 257 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,974 You've come to the right place. 258 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:51,228 First, I want you to look into each other's eyes. 259 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,774 Your eyes, 260 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,776 I've forgotten how beautiful they are. 261 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,278 - Let's never fight again. - We were fools to argue. 262 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,739 - Let's not talk about that. - Let's not talk at all! 263 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,800 Remember my saving your lives and bringing you happiness 264 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,160 when we pass the collection plate next week. 265 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:10,331 All right, Ned, Maude, what brings you here? 266 00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:12,333 - Well... - Go on, Neddy. 267 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,251 Sometimes Maude, God bless her, 268 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,170 she underlines passages in my Bible 269 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,297 because she can't find hers. 270 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,299 Lucky you don't keep guns in the house. 271 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,718 Homer, why are you here? 272 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,845 Because I got drunk and looked down her dress. 273 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,388 No, no, Homer. 274 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,516 Marge is going to tell us all your faults. 275 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,518 Why don't you tell us about hers? 276 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,604 - She's perfect. - Come on, Homer. What are her faults? 277 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:36,106 - Well, sometimes it can be annoying. - Homer. 278 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,192 - Marge, don't interrupt. - You'll get your turn. 279 00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:39,985 - I'm done. - Okay. Marge? 280 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,364 Well, it's not that I don't love the guy. 281 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,491 I'm always sticking up for him. 282 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,369 It's just that he's so self-centered. 283 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,247 - Wait! - Now, Homer. 284 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,166 He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays... 285 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,335 Both religious and secular. 286 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,671 He chews with his mouth open. He gambles. 287 00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:01,590 He hangs out at a seedy bar with bums and lowlifes. 288 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,093 It's true. It's all true. 289 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,636 - Homer, don't interrupt. - Sorry. 290 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,680 He blows his nose on the towels 291 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,348 and puts them back in the middle. 292 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,851 I only did that a couple of times. 293 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,686 - Half a gallon of chocolate. - Check. 294 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:14,830 - Half a gallon of chocolate brownie fudge. - Check. 295 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,373 Half a gallon of chocolate chocolate chocolate chip. 296 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,231 Yep. 297 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,900 Did your mom really write that shopping list? 298 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,278 - Grampa, what a question. - What's next, Lise? 299 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,737 Sprinkles and syrups. 300 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,257 Hey Grampa, aisle six, and step on it. 301 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,591 All right, but put out that cigar. 302 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:29,034 He drinks out of the carton. 303 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,495 He never changes the baby. 304 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:34,540 When he goes to sleep, he makes chewing noises, 305 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:37,501 and when he wakes up, he makes honking noises. 306 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:41,130 And he scratches himself with his keys. 307 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,756 I guess that's it. 308 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,384 No, wait. He kicks me in his sleep, 309 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,345 and his toenails are too long and yellow. 310 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,389 That's all I can think of right now. 311 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,182 I guess you're all tired. 312 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,894 I want to thank you for letting me get some things off my chest. 313 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,354 Well, we've missed the luau. 314 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,148 What's say we call it a night. 315 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,358 But, Captain I can't avenge 316 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,861 my partner's death with this peashooter. 317 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,446 I don't want to hear it, McBain. 318 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,364 That cannon of yours is against regulations. 319 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,992 In this department, we go by the book. 320 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,037 Bye, book. 321 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,580 - Cool! - All right, McBain! 322 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,415 You know kids, it's getting pretty late. 323 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:17,958 Yeah, you should go to bed, Grampa. 324 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,335 We've had a big day. 325 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,129 You wise guy, little smart aleck. 326 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,714 It's no use kidding myself. 327 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,883 I'm having an ethical crisis. 328 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,190 Out at 5:00. Catch General Sherman at 5:30. 329 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,805 Clean him at 6:00. 330 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,307 Eat him at 6:30. 331 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,518 Back in bed by 7:00 with no incriminating evidence. 332 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,604 Heh-heh-heh, The perfect crime. 333 00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,856 Homer? 334 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,192 You're sneaking out to go fishing. 335 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,277 I can't believe your selfishness. 336 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,112 You can go fishing anytime, 337 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:50,282 but we're here trying to save our marriage. 338 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,618 You're thinking about fishing 339 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,286 even when I'm talking right now, right? 340 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,890 Would this be a good time to be honest? 341 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,207 - Yes. - You're right, I am. 342 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,750 Help me, Marge. 343 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,211 What do I do to be a good guy? 344 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,379 Get back in bed. 345 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,255 All right. 346 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,385 But I can't sleep. 347 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,470 Can I take a walk? 348 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,846 Sure. 349 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,516 Got to be a good husband. 350 00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,434 Got to be a good husband. 351 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,395 I got to be a good husband. 352 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,480 Hey, kid, you forgot your... 353 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,366 Go ahead, General Sherman, foist your strength, 354 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,160 you big, ugly catfish. 355 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:38,831 I got a skillet and a stick of butter with your name on it. 356 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,916 Homer? 357 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,173 - Sugar? - Yes, ten please. 358 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,800 Hey, Grampa, top me off. 359 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,695 Are you sure your Ma lets you kids drink coffee? 360 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,595 For the last time, yes! 361 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,139 Come on, give up. 362 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,267 D' 363 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,352 Hey, Milhouse. Big blowout at Casa de Simpson. 364 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,730 The only adult is frail and old. 365 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,773 Bart's joint. Two-ish. 366 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,150 Be there or be square. 367 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,193 Tell my friends? All right, 368 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,571 but I got some pretty funky friends. 369 00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,448 All right. I get out at noon 370 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:15,117 and I'm already invited to a party. 371 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,994 Now, this is a trust exercise. 372 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,038 You fall backwards 373 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,665 and rely on your spouse to catch you. 374 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,171 Do I have to do this? 375 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:31,258 No. Even if your husband were here, I wouldn't recommend it. 376 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:34,803 Marge, as a trained marriage counselor, this is the first instance 377 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,223 where I've ever told one partner that they were 100% right. 378 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,017 It's all his fault. 379 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,435 And I'm willing to put that 380 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,395 on a certificate you can frame. 381 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,980 ♪ Over there ♪ 382 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,523 ♪ Send the word, send the word ♪ 383 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,192 ♪ Over there ♪ 384 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,110 ♪ That the Yanks are coming... ♪ 385 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:59,036 Okay, fish, you're probably wondering why I'm still here. 386 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,372 Catching you will make me the most famous fisherman there is... 387 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:07,044 right up there with that... the... 388 00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,088 the bald guy on the cable fishing show. 389 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,383 Whoa! Holy mackerel! 390 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,947 Milhouse, didn't see you, pal. Look out, my man. 391 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,390 Cherry party, Bart. Any chicks over eight? 392 00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,142 Not yet, but the afternoon is young. 393 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,649 - Lisa, what's wrong? - Isn't it obvious? 394 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,692 We've degraded ourselves and set back 395 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,776 the children's rights movement for decades to come. 396 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,464 You're great at a party, Lise. Really great. 397 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,989 Hey, you! Don't! 398 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,783 Shut that door! Stop it! 399 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:38,909 Put that away! 400 00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:41,078 No! Stop! 401 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:46,041 You young hellion, you want me to take off my belt? 402 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,168 - Yeah. - All right, I'll show you. 403 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:51,046 Doggone it. 404 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,842 I love you, 405 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,343 but I must kill you. 406 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,600 Yeah, take care, man. Hey, thanks for coming. 407 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,810 Hey, nice tie, Nelson. 408 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,353 Thanks. It's your dad's. 409 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,815 I tried to be a good baby-sitter 410 00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,525 but I failed. 411 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:15,028 I'm a feeb, a useless, old, worn-down... 412 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:22,870 Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before. 413 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:26,248 It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth. 414 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,916 How do you make this feeling go away? 415 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,918 You grab a bucket and a brush 416 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,283 and you clean harder and faster than you ever have before. 417 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,806 ♪ I am the champions ♪ 418 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,350 ♪ I am the champions ♪ 419 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,769 ♪ No time for losers ♪ 420 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:53,525 ♪ 'Cause I am the champions of the world ♪ 421 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,613 Hi, honey. 422 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,157 How's the marriage retreat going? 423 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,410 We came to this retreat because I thought our marriage was in trouble. 424 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,889 But I never for a minute thought it was in this much trouble. 425 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,539 Homer, how can you expect... 426 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,625 Marge? Marge, you don't know what this fish means. 427 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,044 This fish represents a better life for both of us. 428 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,254 This fish makes me a champion and a hero. 429 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,090 - To who? - To those weirdos in the worm store. 430 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,635 All this fish represents is just how selfish you are. 431 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,012 Well, if that's the way you feel, I'll throw it back. 432 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,972 - Yeah, sure. - Watch! 433 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:30,604 Whoa, I did it. 434 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,066 I gave up fame and breakfast for my marriage. 435 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,609 I fought it for six hours. 436 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,945 She says one word, and I toss it back. 437 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:41,949 And you're telling me our marriage is in trouble? 438 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,867 Come here, baby. 439 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,786 Homer. 440 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,920 Eww. 441 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,936 - We're back. - How's your marriage? 442 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:13,230 Same as usual... perfectomundo. 443 00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,899 My! The house looks wonderful! 444 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,067 Grampa, what's your secret? 445 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:20,570 Pretending to cry. 446 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,322 That's right, you heard me! 447 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,991 Pretending to cry! 448 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:27,286 I can turn it on and off like a faucet. 449 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,956 I'm crying. I'm so sad. 450 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,166 Way to go, Grampa. 451 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,210 I'll never trust another old person. 452 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,962 I fooled you. 453 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,171 So long, suckers. 454 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,550 Yeah. General Sherman. 455 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:45,012 They say he's 500 pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. 456 00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,847 No one knows how old he is, 457 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:48,640 but if you ask me, and most people do, 458 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,183 he's a hundred years if he's a day. 459 00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,427 And no one's ever caught him? 460 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:52,537 Well, one fella came close. 461 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,354 Went by the name of Homer. 462 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:57,524 Seven feet tall, he was, with arms like tree trunks 463 00:21:57,607 --> 00:22:00,152 and his eyes were like steel: cold and hard. 464 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,236 Had a shock of hair... 465 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,864 Red, like the fires of hell. 466 00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,408 ♪♪ 467 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:50,952 Shh! 468 00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:57,084 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.