1 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:06,396 [SinisterLaughter] 2 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,406 [Bell Ringing] 3 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,415 [ Tires Screeching ] 4 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,417 - [ Groans ] - D'oh! 5 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,384 - [ Screams ] - [ Screams ] 6 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,752 - [ Beeping ] - [ Groans ] 7 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,326 I don't get it. They should be here by now. 8 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,418 Ah, what are you gonna do? 9 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:48,848 Hmm. Good lines, nice balance. 10 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,973 Let's see how she handles. 11 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:56,153 [ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah. Tame it, baby. 12 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,225 Yo, ring her up, dude. 13 00:00:59,325 --> 00:01:01,691 - [ Dings ] - [ Gasps ] You cannot smoke in here. 14 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,491 Please, the sign is clearly posted, sir. 15 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,024 [ Coughs ] 16 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,364 Oh, God. You smokers disgust me. 17 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,769 Hey, 'Pu, you got a breakfast cereal for people with syphilis? 18 00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:17,308 Hands up, scuzbag! 19 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,935 No, notyou. The smoking scuzbag. 20 00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:23,641 Oh, chill out, dude. I'll pay the fine. 21 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,878 Not this time, you won't. This is yourthird strike. 22 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:30,615 First, you torched that orphanage, then you blew up that bus full of nuns. 23 00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:32,691 Hey, that was self-defense. 24 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,159 Well, you'll be seeing lots of nuns whereyou're going, pal-- 25 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:40,892 Hell! Because the penalty for strike three is death. 26 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,332 [ Chuckles ] Oh, you'll never make it stick, dude. 27 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,530 Will too, 'cause this place is full ofwitnesses. 28 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:49,335 Apu, thatscuzbag Mo. 29 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,343 - I'm not going to forget this, dudes. - [ Gasps ] 30 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,073 I'm going to totally kill both ofyou. 31 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:58,049 And don't forget Bart Simpson. 32 00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:00,381 - He's a witness too. Right, Barty? - Oh. 33 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:03,012 Oh, you are so dead, little dude. 34 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:07,617 - Thanks a lot, Chief. - [ Laughs ] You kids crack me up. 35 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,787 Hi. I'm Ed McMahon. Tonight on Fox... 36 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:16,801 from the producers of When Skirts Fall Off and Secrets ofNational SecurityRevealed... 37 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:19,770 it's World's Deadliest Executions. 38 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,865 - [ Cheering, Applause ] - Maki ng his fi rst appearance on our show... 39 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,877 he-e-ere's Snake! 40 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,106 [ Booing, Heckling ] 41 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,548 Thankyou, chickie-pies. 42 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,849 The chair? Aw. 43 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,925 How come they only do crucifixions during sweeps? 44 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:44,224 [Man ] Snake playedlacrosse at Ball State University. 45 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:48,926 So long, Snake. You'll never harm another person with secondhand smoke. 46 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:51,469 - [ Electricity Crackling ] - [ Groaning ] 47 00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:54,165 [ Coughing ] 48 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,242 [ Groaning ] 49 00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,911 Dude. 50 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,813 - Hey-oh! - [ Cheering ] 51 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:09,218 All right! Now let's get this carcass over to the hospital and carve it up for organs. 52 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:13,088 - Dibs on the liver! - [ Rings ] 53 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,219 Whoo-hoo! Marge, they found a donor. 54 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,229 I'm saved. 55 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,996 Boy, you're getting this transplant just in time, Homer. 56 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,799 This is genuine human hair. 57 00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,534 This is legal, right? 58 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:33,510 Yeah, sure. Whatever. These drugs will make the operation... 59 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,808 - seem like a beautiful dream. - [ Gasps ] 60 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,277 - [ Groans ] - Ahh. 61 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:43,480 Hi, everybody. 62 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:47,287 ?? [ Humming ] 63 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:54,264 Who wants to see their sexy new daddy? 64 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,892 - [ Gasps ] - Whoa! 65 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,028 - [Lisa ] Oh, Dad! - [Bart] Whoa. 66 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:04,007 Wow. Ifyour flyweren't open, you'd lookjust like Roger Moore. 67 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,668 [ Owl Hooting] 68 00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:09,009 - [ Muttering ] - [ Snoring ] 69 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,791 [ Snake's Voice ] Later, chickie-pie. 70 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:27,866 [Electronic Bell Rings ] 71 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:32,028 Whoo! Ooh, la, la, Simpson. 72 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,936 Huh. What can I do foryou and your new do? 73 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,839 [ Snake's Voice ] You sent me to the chair. 74 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,209 [ Gasps ] Snake? But you're dead. 75 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:44,283 I know you are, but what am I? 76 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:50,412 No. No. No! 77 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:56,155 And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. 78 00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:59,561 On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. 79 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:02,226 - [ Gasping ] - Oh, my God! 80 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,860 That's horrible. Who will run the Kwik-E-Mart? 81 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,531 [ Slurping ] 82 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:12,805 I'm afraid we have no leads, but I can safely say Apu did not suffer. 83 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,107 Looks to me like he suffered a lot, Chief. 84 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:19,150 Ah, geez, Lou. How long wereyou gonna let me keep drinking this thing? 85 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,744 [ Slurping ] 86 00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:24,823 Who'd do such a thing? 87 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,235 Ah, mornin', Homer. 88 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,635 Ah, you're looking unusually focused this morning. 89 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,640 [ Snake's Voice ] Shutyour squeal-hole, booze jockey. 90 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:44,835 I'm gonna, like, totallywasteyou. 91 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:47,811 Ah, somebody's a Grumpy Gus. 92 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,814 - What--[Groans ] - Oh! 93 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,180 - [ Corkscrew Twisting] - Oh. 94 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:55,413 - Yoink. - Ah, for cryin' out loud. 95 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,421 [ Groans ] 96 00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:02,085 Another ofSpringfield's beloved citizens was murdered today. 97 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:06,564 Filthy old bartender Moe Szyslak has watered down his last highball. 98 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:10,102 Oh, my God! Everyone Snake swore revenge on is being murdered! 99 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,637 It's almost as ifhe's killing from beyond the grave. 100 00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:15,264 I told you capital punishment isn't a deterrent. 101 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,833 Don'tyou get it? He swore he'd kill me too. I'm next! 102 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,472 [ Normal Voice ] Don't worry. I'll protectyou-- 103 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,846 [ Snake's Voice ] Little dude. 104 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,953 [ Banging ] 105 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,512 [ Normal Voice ] There. Now no murderers can get in. 106 00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,759 [ Snake's Voice ] Or out. 107 00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,887 - Dad? - You are so dead. 108 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,862 No! 109 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,391 Come here, you little-- 110 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:46,939 [ Goofy Laugh ] Stop it. You're killing me! 111 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:49,064 [ Screams ] 112 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:53,339 - My school picture. - Daddywould like a word with you, Barty. 113 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,573 [ Gasps ] 114 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,478 Help! Dad's trying to kill me! 115 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,778 It's hammer time, snitchy. 116 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,211 That's Snake's voice. 117 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,290 Of course. The transplant. 118 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,291 Somehow Snake's hair must be controlling-- 119 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,089 Oh, please, Lisa. Everyone's already figured that out. 120 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,323 [ Whimpering ] 121 00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:16,830 You've got to fight the hair, Dad. 122 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,427 [ Normal Voice ] But I look soyouthful and hunky. 123 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,439 [ Snake's Voice ] The kid's gotta die. 124 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,441 [ Normal Voice ] But I love my son. 125 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:26,103 [ Snake's Voice ] More than a lush head ofhair? 126 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:28,737 [ Normal Voice ] Don't make me choose! 127 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:32,011 [ Snake's Voice Laughing ] 128 00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:35,279 [ Normal Voice ] No! 129 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,255 [ Screaming ] 130 00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:41,849 - I loveyou, Son. - I loveyou too, Dad. 131 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,598 [ Screams ] 132 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,896 - [ Muffled ] Get off!. Get it off!. - [ Gasping ] 133 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,902 I'll showyou, hair! 134 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,801 - [ Grunting ] - Ow! Ow! 135 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,602 Ow! That's my face, you idiot! 136 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,040 Idiot? Whyyou little-- 137 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:01,113 - [ Choking ] - Don'tyou-- 138 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,047 - I'll kill you. - Homer Simpson, you're under arrest... 139 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,916 for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa-- pasa-- 140 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,920 Ah,just Moe.Just Moe. 141 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,889 It wasn't me. It was the hair. 142 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,554 Freeze, hair ball! 143 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,037 Now that's what I call a bad hair day. 144 00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:37,115 [ Laughing ] 145 00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:42,245 May I remind you that two people are dead? 146 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,085 Oh. Wait. I just got it. [ Laughs ] 147 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,319 - [ Laughing ] - It is funny. 148 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,327 Bad hair day. 149 00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:02,100 - [Audience Oohing] - [ Shouts ] Hey, hey! 150 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,507 Tonight I'm going to suck... 151 00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,413 your blood. 152 00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:12,041 Okay. Get ready for the violentest, disembowelingest... 153 00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:16,247 vomit-inducingest ItchyandScratchy Halloween special ever! 154 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,824 - Hey. - What the-- 155 00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,191 Sorry, but if I let you watch one of these gruesome Halloween cartoons... 156 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,196 I'd be a pretty lousy mother. 157 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,493 [ Groaning ] 158 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,467 Why don't you kids come trick-or-treating with Maggie and me? 159 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,630 Nah, it's too early. I need to work under cover of darkness. 160 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:38,733 [ Groans ] Oh, Homer, you're not going as a hobo again? 161 00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:42,644 Going where? [ Chomping ] 162 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,616 Well, we're leaving. And remember, no Itchy and Scratchy. 163 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:50,246 - Aw! - I'd better take these batteries just to be sure. 164 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:52,256 - [ Gasps ] - Mm-hmm. 165 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:55,392 - [DoorCloses ] - ?? [Harmonica: Blues ] 166 00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,962 ?? [ Singing ] 167 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,529 ?? [ Ends ] 168 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,901 There's gotta be some batteries in here somewhere. 169 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,978 - [ Buzzing ] - Hmm. 170 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:16,674 Oh, Bart, that's plutonium. It's highly unstable! 171 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,717 [ Grunting ] 172 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,185 Don'tyou ever get tired ofbeing wrong? 173 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,188 - [ Crackling ] - [ Shouts ] 174 00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:32,621 [ Doorbell Rings ] 175 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,927 Trick or treat! 176 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,332 - What's wrong with the TV? - [ Buzzing ] 177 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:39,870 - Color's screwed up. - [ Crackling ] 178 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,541 Whoa! Cool. 179 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,770 Bart, quit it! [ Grunting ] 180 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:47,778 Hey. [ Muttering ] 181 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,545 Hey, Lise, we're characters in a cartoon. 182 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,681 - How humiliating. - [ Gasps ] Look. 183 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,522 [ Laughing ] 184 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:10,361 [Laughing] 185 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,672 Why areyou laughing? 186 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:17,607 Hey. They're laughing atyour pain. 187 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:22,279 That's mean. 188 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:25,316 Let's teach 'em a lesson. 189 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,120 A cartoon ax. I love it. 190 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:31,519 - [ Screaming ] - [ Screaming ] 191 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:38,864 [ Screaming ] 192 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:45,325 - Help! Police! - [Siren Wailing] 193 00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:47,963 [ Sighing ] 194 00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,542 "To protect and sever"? 195 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,873 - [ Screaming ] - [ Revving ] 196 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,313 - ?? [ Humming ] Hmm. - ?? [ Orchestral ] 197 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,179 - Hmm? - [ Screaming ] 198 00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:02,482 Ooh! How are Bart and Lisa gonna get out ofthis one? 199 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,887 - Sorry. - It happens. 200 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,961 Hey, hey! Wiggedy, wiggedy. Poochie's in the house. 201 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:13,327 - [ Tires Screeching ] - [ Groaning ] 202 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,798 [ Gasps ] We're done for, Bart! 203 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,335 Not if I know cartoons. 204 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,305 Whoa! 205 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,901 - Whew. That was close. - Uh, Bart? 206 00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:29,606 Not now, Lise. I'm trying to relax. 207 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,206 [Wind Whistling] 208 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,843 [ Electricity Crackling ] 209 00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:37,354 [ Screaming ] 210 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,392 Boring. 211 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,930 [ Slurps ] I'm telling you, this cilantro really gives it a zing! 212 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,930 Reg, there's no cilantro in it. 213 00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:48,932 - [ Screaming ] - Oh, God! 214 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,934 - Man alive. This soup is out of control! - Oh. 215 00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,663 - Hey! - [ Screams ] 216 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,672 My-- My eyes. My beautiful eyes! 217 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,005 Oh, that's it. I'm going home. Dom DeLuise can interview himself!. 218 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,101 [ Crackling ] 219 00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:04,114 - Oh, Itchy's house. This is where we came in. - Look! 220 00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:08,050 Dad, you gotta get us out ofhere! Use the remote! 221 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,486 Huh? Oh, okay. 222 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:14,525 Let's see. Pause. Uh, three. No. FF-- 223 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,595 Come on! 224 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:18,925 [ Cranking, Squeaking ] 225 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,100 Hurry, Homer! 226 00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,193 [ Buzzing ] 227 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,704 - [ Screaming ] - [ Chomping ] 228 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,775 Ooh, that is gonna hurt tomorrow. 229 00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,775 Dad, push "exit." 230 00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,868 Hmm. 231 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,014 - Hey. - Aaah! 232 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:41,484 Lisa, look out! A skeleton! 233 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:48,325 Aah! 234 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,429 - [ Sighing ] - [Banging] 235 00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,431 [ Laughing ] 236 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,592 [ Screaming ] 237 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,602 [ Growling ] 238 00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:02,672 [ Giggles ] Look how cute they are. 239 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,640 [ Squeaking ] 240 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,473 [ Laughs ] Look at him go. 241 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,571 [ Purring ] 242 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:13,140 - [ Heart Beating ] - You're beautiful. 243 00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:16,119 Aw, somebody's in love. 244 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,850 That means you'll have to be neutered. 245 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,394 No! 246 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:33,428 Here comes the flying saucer. 247 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,804 [ Crying ] 248 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,104 - What's wrong with Stinky? - She's teething. 249 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:42,806 - Look. Hervery first baby tooth. - [Homer]Aw-- 250 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,145 - Ew! - [Bart] Disgusting. 251 00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:49,153 - Ugh. I just lost my appetite. - Me too. 252 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:52,554 Wait. Mine came back. [ Chomping ] 253 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:56,219 - [ Fussing ] - I know how to cheeryou up. 254 00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:58,990 This little piggy went to Kwik-E-Mart. 255 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:00,998 This little piggywent nuts. 256 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,534 This little piggywent surfing. 257 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,163 And this little piggywent-- [ Gasps ] Oh! 258 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,800 Look, Marge! Maggie lost her baby legs. 259 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,878 Oh, my God. 260 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,410 [ Gasping ] 261 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,418 Homer, do something. 262 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,647 The ceiling's not a safe place for a young baby. 263 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,281 [ Sighs ] All right, I got it. 264 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,587 [ Muttering ] Come on. Get offthe-- 265 00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,457 [ Hissing ] 266 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:34,555 [ Shouting ] 267 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,295 Bad baby! 268 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,463 Oh. She's entering the terrible twos, all right. 269 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:47,235 It's probably nothing, but we just wanted to be sure. 270 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:50,144 - Aah! - Is there anything you can prescribe, Doctor? 271 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,513 Fire, and lots ofit. 272 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,950 Oh, that's your cure for everything. 273 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,088 [ Rattles ] 274 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,250 - [ Squeaks ] - Poor, Maggie. 275 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,885 If onlyyou could tell us what's happening toyou. 276 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:26,208 Commander Kang, receiving transmission from Infant Pod 1 3. 277 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:30,448 Holy flirking shnit. What's the message? 278 00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:33,787 "Larval stage completed. 279 00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,985 "Standing by for orders. 280 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:39,428 Experiencing terrible rash. Over." 281 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:41,624 Ensign Kodos, set coordinates... 282 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,397 for the obscure T-shirt-producing planet known as Earth. 283 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:48,530 It's time I paid a visit to... 284 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,599 - my daughter. - [ Gulps ] 285 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,578 - We'll return with How Dracula Got His Groove Back. - [Doorbell Rings ] 286 00:16:57,983 --> 00:17:00,508 Hello-- Oh, great. Mormons. 287 00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,588 Actually, we're Quantum Presbyterians. 288 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,589 And we've come to see... 289 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,125 - my daughter. - [ Squeaks ] 290 00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:12,261 [ Groans ] Oh, Lord. 291 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,298 I was hoping this day would never come. 292 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,368 Huh? What areyou talking about? 293 00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:18,436 You mean you never told him? 294 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:22,803 Oh, I guess I've been in denial. 295 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:26,742 Homer, Kang is Maggie's father. 296 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,575 [ Gasps ] You intergalactic hussy! 297 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:34,243 How could you? [ Sobbing ] 298 00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:38,187 - Was he better than me? - It all happened about twoyears ago. 299 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,952 There I was having a great time in the backyard... 300 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,496 when without warning, I was abducted by aliens. 301 00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:48,862 [ Kang] Warning! Warning! Prepare to be abducted. 302 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:53,034 H uh? 303 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,770 [ Groans ] 304 00:17:56,875 --> 00:18:01,938 Congratulations. You have been selected for our crossbreeding program. 305 00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,981 To put you at ease, we have re-created... 306 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:08,213 the most common spawning locations ofyour species. 307 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,756 You may choose either the backseat of a Camaro... 308 00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:15,122 an airplane bathroom, a friend's wedding... 309 00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,991 orthe alleybehind a porno theater. 310 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:22,158 I absolutely refuse to go along with this. 311 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:25,293 But since I have no choice, I'll take the alley. 312 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,671 I nitiate fertilization procedure. 313 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,301 [ Yawns ] 314 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,676 Oh, you look lovely this evening. 315 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,978 - Haveyou decreased in mass? - [Marge Narrating] I tried to resist... 316 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:42,576 but theyappliedpowerful mind-confusion techniques. 317 00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,656 Look! Behind you! 318 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:48,419 - I nsemination complete. - Really? That seemed awfully quick. 319 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,461 - What are you implying? - Nothing. Nothing. 320 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:52,496 Whoa. Wow. Look at the time. 321 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:55,624 I'd love to stay, but I have an early meeting tomorrow. 322 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:59,636 You're a super girl though. I'll call you sometime. 323 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,166 [ Shouts ] 324 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,471 Nine months later, I gave birth to Maggie. 325 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:08,774 And now she must return home to Rigel VII... 326 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:13,614 where shewill be guaranteed a lucrative civil service job for life. 327 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,619 Well, we can't compete with that, but-- 328 00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:19,282 - But nothing. Getyour slime-less hands offher. - [ Grunting ] 329 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:22,326 People! People! Space monsters. This is going nowhere. 330 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:25,624 There's only one man who can settle an argument this bizarre. 331 00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:29,292 - ??[Pop] - [Audience Chanting]Jerry!Jerry!Jerry! 332 00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:33,732 Okay, we're back. Homer, how did it feel to learn... 333 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,865 yourbaby was fathered by a drooling space octopus? 334 00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:40,570 It made me angry, Jerry. Angry and tired. 335 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,874 Well, you're about to get a whole lot angrier... 336 00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:45,506 because we have the extramarital extraterrestrial backstage... 337 00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:48,177 in a soundproofbooth where he can't hear us. 338 00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:50,187 I hear all. 339 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:52,621 Ladies and gentlemen, meet Kang. 340 00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:56,524 - [Audience Cheering] - Hey! Yeah! 341 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:02,965 - Mmm. - Whoo! 342 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,536 One-eyed, two-timing-- [ Bleeping ] I'm gonna-- [ Bleeping ] 343 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:11,098 Oh, yeah? Well-- [ Bleeping ] hyperbolic paraboloid-- [ Bleeping ] your mama. 344 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,472 Yeah, I got a question for that gross thing, whatever it is. 345 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,847 - Homer. - Nah, the green dude. 346 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,750 Ifyou're that baby's daddy, whereyou been at? 347 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,186 - [AudienceAffirming] - [ Groans ] 348 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:29,158 You know, somebody needs to learn your green ass some responsibility. 349 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,786 - [Audience ] Yeah! - [ Screams ] 350 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,697 Now hold on, Kang. You can't bully my audience with your fancy ray gun. 351 00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,929 [ Screaming ] 352 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,106 And now for my final thought. 353 00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:46,268 Nobodywins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of a child. 354 00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:50,644 Let's hope theyput their differences aside and do what's best for Maggie. 355 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,718 - [ Hissing ] - Ow! What the-- [ Bleeps ] 356 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,549 Get the-- [ Bleeps ] baby off. [ Bleeps ] Son of a-- [ Bleeps ] 357 00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,782 [ Groaning ] 358 00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:05,229 ?? [ Pop ] 359 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,423 I 'm so-- [ Bleeps ] embarrassed. 360 00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:09,432 ?? [Ends ] 361 00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:13,368 I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict. 362 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:18,000 - And now he's dead. - Anyhoo, this is your last chance. 363 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,476 Turn over the baby now. 364 00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:24,345 Orwe will destroy all your leaders in Washington. 365 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:28,283 Oh, you couldn't destroy every politician. 366 00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,582 Just watch us. 367 00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:33,351 [ Laughing ] 368 00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:37,619 [ Bart ] Don't forget Ken Starr! 369 00:21:39,498 --> 00:21:41,398 Suckers. 370 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,663 Come on, Maggie. Let's go home. 371 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,705 - [ Alien Voice ] Verywell. I'll drive. - [ All Gasping ] 372 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:52,175 [ Maniacal Laughter] 373 00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:56,003 I needblood. 374 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,485 [Regis ] Myeyes! Mybeautiful eyes!