??[Chorus Singing]
[Bell Ringing]
[ Whistle Blowing]
[ Beeping ]
?? [Jazzy Solo ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
D'oh! [ Screams ]
[ Screaming ]
?? [Woman Singing]
?? [ Continues ]
?? [ Song Ends ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ] - Thankyou, Springfield! I loveyou! Peace!
[Man On Speaker] Thankyou, Cyndi Lauper.Just a reminder, folks.
- We do have a baseball game today. - Oh, right.
I 'm Dennis Conroy. And here come your I sotopes.
- [ Crowd Booing ] - [ Coughing ]
Let's welcome two new additions to the team...
Smash Diggins and Fishbone Walker.
Luckyfor us, they were sent down from the majors...
for drug violations.
- [ Crowd Cheering] - ?? [ Organ Fanfare ]
Why do you hate the I sotopes so m uch, Dad?
Because I loved them once and they broke my heart.
Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.
- Even you? - Especially me.
But you gotta support the team, Dad.
They're already threatening to move to Moose Jaw.
That's right. Like my mother always said...
you've gotta stick it out, even ifyou picked a loser.
- Hmm. - To the bitter end.
[ ConroyOn Speaker] Firstpitch ofthe game.
- [ Screaming ] - That's a rotator cuff.
- His career's over. - I'm gonna warm up the car.
- But there's only been one pitch. - And it sucked.
Bases loaded, two outs, bottom ofthe ninth, and it's do or die.
?? [ Homer Singing ]
That'll bring up Babe Ruth IV.
Ofcourse, he's no Babe Ruth III...
but the franchise is very excited about this illegitimate great grand bambino.
And what's this? He's pointing to the right field bleachers.
Probably at a dying little boy.
- Mom, am I dyi ng? - No, of course not.
- I s he, Mom? You can tel I me. - No!
[ Conroy] Now he's pointing to the ground.
Is he indicating a bunt? Yes, he's bunting!
- [ Players Groaning ] - [ Crowd Booing ]
[ Marge ] Good hustle, kid!
?? [ Homer Singing ]
- So who won? The losers? - No, they lost.
- [ Chuckles ] Losers. - But only by two points.
They didn't resort to stealing bases like the other team, so it's kind of a moral victory.
With a little middle relief, they might even make the play-offs.
You'll be in your cold, cold grave before that ever happens.
Homer, would you please stop talking about the children's graves?
[ Crowd Chattering]
[ Laughs ] All right! Whoo!
[ Grunts ] What's the hubbub?
Did Moe finally blow his brains out?
Quiet! We're watching the Isotopes.
Shut it off. They're losers.
Where you been? The Isotopes are on fire.
Yeah, that sniper at the all-star game was a blessing in disguise.
Now we're in the championship game.
Championship? Hmm.
Whoo! 'Topes rule!
- [ Gulping ] - Well, here's a die-hard fan.
Sir, your beloved Isotopes are about to make history. Any thoughts?
Oh, it's a great team, Kent. We never gave up hope.
I want to thankJesus and say hi to my special lady, Marge.
We did it, baby! Whoo! Whoo!
The inspiring words of a fan who'll always root, root, root for the home team.
- Even ifthey lose this game. - They lost? Those losers!
No, no, no. The game's not over.
Whoo! Not over! Whoo!
There you have it-- "Whoo."
- Here it comes, baby. Real big one! - [ All Shouting ]
[ ConroyOn Speaker] Bottom ofthe ninth, two outs. It all comes down to this.
- And here's the pitch. - [ Bat Strikes Ball]
Humpin' "hay-zeus"! He got all ofthat one!
- I t's goi ng, goi ng, goi ng-- - [ Al I Gasping ]
Our technical director today was Stan Kadlubowski.
It's out ofhere! 'Topes win!
- [ All Cheering ] - Isotopes!
What'd I tellyou? Isotopes! Whoo!
[ Gulping ]
- Ah, nobody touched my rumaki. - [Screams ] Rumaki!
- Yea! Isotopes! - [ Horn Honking ]
- Whoo! - [ Grunting ]
- Isotopes! [ Grunts ] - Isotopes!
- [Horn Continues Honking] - Isotopes! You know what I'm sayin'toyou, baby?
Hey! A baseball field! Batter up!
- [ Cheering ] - Go, baby!
- Steal second! - I think I'm gonna puke!
- Hey, who's on first? - Touchdown!
- [Barney Yelling] - [ Tires Screeching ]
- [Homer]Safe! - [ All Whooping ]
- Hey, Carl? Isotopes! - [ All Muttering ]
?? [All Singing Rock]
- [ Screams ] - Whoop. Careful.
[ Munching ] Wow. You look really hungover, Dad.
What did you do last night?
Last night? Um--
?? [Piano ]
?? [ Ominous Chord]
Mm, uh, hello, big Maggie.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Someone trashed the school! - What the "dillio"?
Where this morning the three R's stand for "rowdiness"...
"ransacking" and "e-responsibility."
- Any suspects, Chief? - None.
That's whywe're jumping to the conclusion that this was the work of no-good punk kids.
- Kids? - Therefore, effective immediately...
I am imposing a curfew.
Any kid caught on the street after darkwill be shot...
or returned to their parents, as the situation maywarrant.
- Whoa! - Curfew?
Serves you little punks right.
Maybe next timeyou'll think before-- Oh, my God!
Lookwhat those rotten kids did to my car!
The cops can't just slap a curfew on us! We have rights!
Sureyou do. You have the right to remain silent.
[ Both Laughing ]
- That was cold-blooded, Marge. - Yeah.
But it's not fair. Adults always blame kids for everything.
Well, ifkids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them?
Acting childish, kidnapping, child abuse.
- What about adultery? - Not until you're older, Son.
[ Children Giggling ]
Okay, go deep!
- Ice cream truck! - [ExcitedShouting]
I was here first! Get out of myway!
- ?? [ Cheerful Tune ] - [ Children Laughing ]
[Siren Wailing]
Achtung, babies! Curfew is in effect!
Return to your homes immediately.
[ Screaming ]
[ BoyWhining ] I don't want to return home.
All right. Let's see some I.D.'s, boys.
[ Scoffs ] You two scofflaws are violating curfew.
I'm taking you downtown.
Oh, uh, sorry to disturb you, Dr. Hibbert.
[ Deep Voice ] Not at all, officer.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, what a beautiful night. Fireflies, full moon--
And here we are, locked inside.
Kids, the carnival's in town for one night only!
And they've got cotton candy and hats with feathers!
And there's no lines, because all the stupid kids have curfew!
So-- Oh, right. Sorry.
[ Giggling ]
[ Both Sighing ]
Why don'tyou kids play one ofyour old board games?
When was the last time you played Citizenship?
- Energy Shortage? - Hippo in the House?
[Marge ] Ooh, the Game ofLent!
- [ Groans ] Can't we just go to bed? - It's only 5:30.
Fine. We'll play Hippo in the House.
- Oh, the hippo's missing. - [ Both Groaning ]
You think that's bad. I had to talk to my mom all night.
She's got problems. Scary problems.
Adults blow.
Yeah,just look at 'em overthere.
Smokin' their cigarettes.
Drinkin' their coffee.
Scratchin' their big butts.
Your metabolism will change someday too, young man.
[ Mutters, Clears Throat ]
[MotorHumming]
That oughta show little Timmy and Tammy Scumbag who's in charge around here.
Gee, Chief, all those gears and motors must've cost a fortune.
-Well, you gotta spend money to make money, Lou. -Mm-hmm.
[ Yawns ] You wanna hold it for a while?
Nah.
- ?? [ Humming ] - Marge, kite.
Hey, there is one thing we could do.
[ Gasps ] Lise, no! It's prime time!
You robbed me ofmy manhood!
That's petty theft.
- [ TV Audience ] Ooh! - Don't go there.
[ Laughing, Applause ]
Don't Go There will be right back.
- Oh, no it won't. - Wait! There's a commercial!
[WolfHowling]
- Oh, yeah. - Whoa.
- [ Wolves Snarling ] - [Man Narrating] Fortyyears ago...
a film appeared that was so shocking, so terrifying...
it was sealed in a concrete vault deep beneath the earth.
But even the new management ofSony TriStar...
could not contain the pure evil of... The Bloodeni ng.
[ Woman Screaming]
Mi I house, do you see what's on Channel 6?
Uh, yeah. It's really something. [ Screams ]
- [ Screaming ] - A registerednurse trained in the treatment ofterror...
will be on duty during the showing of The Bloodening.
[Eerie Laughing]
[ TV Announcer] Nowplaying at the Springfield Drive-In... after dark.
Milhouse, spread the word. We're seeing this movie tonight.
That's right. We're breaking curfew.
Come on!
- I'm breaking curfew, Mom! - [Mother] We're out ofSkoal!
"Due to the likelihood offear-induced heart attacks...
we're offering all patrons million-dollar life insurance policies."
Life insurance? Hmm. Will I be able to borrow against the equity?
I don't know, sir. It comes free with the popcorn.
- Is that air-popped? - Skinner!
- We're losing valuable make-out time. - [ Giggles ]
[ Grunting ] A little help.
- Sure. - [ Grunts, Groans ]
- [ Grunts ] Lisa. - Nelson.
?? [ Chorus Singing ]
[ Wolves Howling ]
Get off ofmy moor, you mischievous weans!
[ English Accent ] Actually, we prefer to stay.
You're thinking about hurting us.
- [ Gasps ] - Nowyou're thinking...
"How did they know what I was thinking?"
Nowyou're thinking, "I hope that's shepherd's pie in my knickers."
[ Gasping ]
[ Screaming ]
- Wow! - They showed him!
Man, I never liked Shakespeare until now.
- [ Crowd Chattering ] - Right, you little blighters.
We've had quite enough ofyour evil mischief.
Butyou're the one who's been bad.
You've been sneaking puddings.
But-- But how did you know?
We know all your secrets.
And you pilfered the poor box.
- [ Gasps ] - And, Doctor, we know that you and the bootblack...
have been rogering the fishwife in the crumpet shop.
- [ Gasps ] Lies! - How dare you!
Get them! Quickly!
We can't have that.
[ All Gasping ]
[ All Grunting, Groaning ]
[Screaming]
- Take that, you suckers! - Stick him with the pitchfork!
- Way to go! - In your face, fishwife!
Enjoying the movie, kids?
[ All Screaming ]
Listen up, punks. The moral ofthe story is...
the adults always win.
[ Screams ]
For crying out loud, Eddie. You scared the hell out of me.
Sorry, Chief. [ Chuckles ]
[ Groaning ]
Don't forget to clean under the jowls.
That spot is Club Med for mildew.
And let this be a lesson toyou!
Kids never learn! [ Snickers ]
[ Groaning, Coughing ]
Oh, that is it! I'm tired ofbeing pushed around by grown-ups!
It's time to fight back!
- Yeah! - Fight back! Fight back!
Man, ifwe had eye power like those kids in that movie...
we could read the adults' mind and tell their secrets...
and make 'em pitchfork each other and junk!
- Oh, yeah! - Wait!
We don't need supernatural powers.
We already know their secrets.
She's right. Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers.
My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need.
My dad gets in car accidents on purpose.
Great. This is all gold.
[ Milhouse ] We gotta spread this stuffaround.
Let's put it on the Internet!
[ Bart ] No! We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter.
And I think I know how. Why don't we--
- I can get my dad's amplifier from the garage. - Yeah, that's a good idea.
Attention, hemline and midriff monitors.
- [ Glass Squeaking ] - [ Gasps ]
Willie, get myWindex!
[ Snoring ]
[ Cat Screeches ]
200 channels, nothin' but cats.
So, Marge, ready for another episode of Don't Go There?
I'm tired ofthat show.
But I've been hearing good things about Talk to the Hand.
Tom Shales says the writing "snaps, crackles and pops."
Okay. Whatever takes my mind off my life.
?? [ Chorus Singing ]
Hey, lookwhat I found! Grampa's old radio.
Oh, wouldn't it be grand to gather round and have a listen?
Well, turn something on. I'm startin' to think!
[ Changing Stations ]
[ F.D.R.'s Voice] A datewhich will live in infamy.
Good evening, adults. We interrupt this broadcast...
to bring you a very special presentation.
Tonight's program is entitled--
[ Together] We KnowAll YourSecrets.
Boring! Go back to that "infamy" guy.
[ Bart On Radio ] Constable Wiggum likes to act tough...
but he also likes to walk the beat in control-top pantyhose.
- [ Both Gasp ] - [ Chuckles ]
Well, it's not like that's a crime.
has been stealing supplies from the school cafeteria.
[ Gasps ] Edna! How could you?
Don't get up. I'll bus my own tray.
- And now we come to Mr. Homer Simpson. - [ Screams ]
Did you know he likes to eat out ofthe Flanders' garbage?
- Oh, Homer. - I have a problem.
Tune in tomorrow and every day until the curfew is lifted...
because we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.
Well, at least they've already done me.
- And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson. - D'oh!
I've called this meeting to determine what to do...
about those blabbermouth kids and their creepy English accents.
Hey, shut up, Mayor! They're tellin' secrets again!
- [ Murmuring ] - Oh, I hope they don't reveal this is a comb-over.
[ Lisa With English Accent ] Our top secret tonight-- gay divorcée Luann Van Houten...
has been cheating on herboyfriend, Pyro...
with his best friend, Gyro.
How many times have I fought beside you, Gyro?
And this is how you repay me?
- [ Both Grunting ] - Pyro! Gyro! Settle down!
Can't we shut down that infernal transmitter?
- Can't we just blow it up? - You go ahead, girlfriend!
- They're the worst! - Yeah!
- Say it again, girl! - Settle down, people.
As we speak, ChiefWiggum is tracking down those little squealers...
using the latest in crime-fighting technology.
Uh, I got nothing. How aboutyou, Frinky?
I have captured the signal and am presently triangulating the vectors...
and compressing the data down...
in order to express it as a function of my hand.
They're over there!
And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?
- [ Gulps ] - That's right. Homer Simpson.
- [Homer] D'oh! - Freeze, you little shockjocks!
[ Guns Cocking ]
Brilliant. They transduced amplitude modulation...
via the concavity ofthat oversized beverage conveyance.
I mean, that is some clever "viving."
All right, you kids, come down now.
- We promise we won't kill ya. - Speak foryourself.
Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spankyou back to the Stone Age!
You can't make us come down!
You adults are always givin' us orders!
You kids are always disobeying them.
Well, adults treat kids like children!
Kids treat adults like cash machines!
- Adults! - Kids!
?? [ Singing Musical Comedy]
- ?? [ Continues ] - [ Marge Groans ]
- ?? [ Continues ] - [ Cat Screeches ]
- [ Screams ] - ?? [ Continues ]
?? [ Ends ]
We're gonna teach all you rug rats a lesson.
Oh, yeah? What can you old people do to us?
- Yeah, you old fogeys! - Buzz off, you old--
- What do you got? - You're all wrinkly!
Somebody should iron you!
This is Kent Brockman reporting from... my own home...
in accordance with the new curfew for anyone under 70.
- Mm, I can't believe that passed. - [ Grumbling ]
I warned you guys that seniors always vote in record numbers.
The controversial measure passed by a single vote.
[ Groans ] You really should've voted, Homer.
[ Scoffs ] It wouldn't have made a difference.
Lights out, you punk kids!
Yea! We took back the night!
Hey, fellas! Hey, you wanna stop with the kicking?
Mypills are in that can!
Good gravy! I don't kickyourthings.
Whenyou're trying to breathe on the machine, do I go up and kick it?
Oh, now look at that. It went down the sewer! You happy?
I'm gonna sue now! Now it's time for the lawyers!
- Shh. - Don't tel I me to shush, you stupid lady!