1 00:00:01,010 --> 00:00:06,204 The Simpsons - Season 20 Episode 06 "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words" 2 00:00:16,735 --> 00:00:23,346 * 3 00:00:26,043 --> 00:00:29,082 Lemonade! Sweet sunshine in your mouth! 4 00:00:29,117 --> 00:00:30,843 Buy a cup, or I punch my sister! 5 00:00:30,878 --> 00:00:33,432 It's true! He's not bluffing! 6 00:00:37,313 --> 00:00:39,975 Maybe we should put a dollar in the jar, prime the pump. 7 00:00:40,010 --> 00:00:42,403 What are we, a piano bar? 8 00:00:45,898 --> 00:00:48,215 I'll take 15 lemonades. 9 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:49,867 Make that 16. 10 00:00:51,032 --> 00:00:52,049 Lousy dog. 11 00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:54,819 If you had your way, I'd walk you every day. 12 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,332 Lemonade! 13 00:00:59,854 --> 00:01:01,019 - Eh! - Stop pushing! 14 00:01:01,054 --> 00:01:03,816 Six cups, please. And put it on my tab. 15 00:01:03,851 --> 00:01:05,937 Keep moving, deadbeat. Cash only. 16 00:01:05,972 --> 00:01:08,272 Fine. Lemonade's for babies anyways. 17 00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:10,045 I'm going to Moe's, for beer! 18 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,727 Have fun drinking your lemonade, babies! 19 00:01:18,815 --> 00:01:21,372 Lisa, can Daddy borrow your bike? 20 00:01:21,407 --> 00:01:22,489 I guess... 21 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,086 - Hey, Moe, give me a... - Homer, shush! 22 00:01:46,121 --> 00:01:48,424 We're watching Krabappel try to break up with Skinner. 23 00:01:48,459 --> 00:01:52,232 Seymour, I have something difficult I want to say to you. 24 00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,329 I understand. 25 00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:57,131 It can be very difficult for a woman to propose marriage. 26 00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:59,398 But I am willing to go halvsies on a ring. 27 00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:00,527 Seymour... 28 00:02:01,278 --> 00:02:02,278 Excuse me. 29 00:02:03,573 --> 00:02:06,369 Any of you lugs want to break up with my boyfriend for me? 30 00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:07,428 I'll buy you a beer. 31 00:02:07,463 --> 00:02:09,668 Seymour, Edna asked me to talk to you. 32 00:02:09,703 --> 00:02:12,564 Splendid! Shall we discuss music or the weather? 33 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,752 No, this is about you. 34 00:02:14,787 --> 00:02:16,494 Edna wants to break up. 35 00:02:16,529 --> 00:02:19,065 - She wants to break up? - Yeah. 36 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,505 - With me? - Yeah. 37 00:02:22,032 --> 00:02:26,327 Look at it this way: you're a free man. Unlike me. 38 00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:28,756 You have all your hair. Unlike me. 39 00:02:28,791 --> 00:02:30,641 No kids tying you down 40 00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:33,729 or a crippling mortgage that you refinanced at 26% 41 00:02:33,764 --> 00:02:36,897 because a dancing Internet cowboy told you to. 42 00:02:36,932 --> 00:02:39,317 Oh, God, I hate my life. 43 00:02:41,906 --> 00:02:45,489 Gee, compared to you, my life is one big half-day. 44 00:02:45,524 --> 00:02:49,142 Exactly. You're good looking, you have a decent job. 45 00:02:49,177 --> 00:02:52,834 What lonely widow wouldn't consider you an option? 46 00:02:52,869 --> 00:02:56,611 Thanks, Homer. I don't think the school pep squad could've cheered me up more, 47 00:02:56,646 --> 00:03:00,128 and they were state runners up in 1997. 48 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:02,614 Homer, that was amazing. 49 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,510 He actually felt better coming out of the breakup than he did going in. 50 00:03:05,545 --> 00:03:06,998 Say, Homer, you're real good at this. 51 00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:08,982 Think you could dump my girlfriend Doreen for me? 52 00:03:09,017 --> 00:03:11,450 Doreen. She's cheated on you with everyone. 53 00:03:11,485 --> 00:03:14,115 Well, except for me. And I've showered her with gifts-- 54 00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:18,119 fancy soaps and massage oils and, uh, what have you. 55 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:21,524 Ooh, here she comes. Work your magic, Homer. 56 00:03:21,813 --> 00:03:24,820 - Is Lenny here? - Oh, I'm afraid Lenny's dead. 57 00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:27,433 What? I just talked to him. 58 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:30,129 And you will again, because he isn't really dead. 59 00:03:30,164 --> 00:03:33,494 And now this next piece of news won't seem so bad. 60 00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:35,580 - Lemonade! - We want lemonade! 61 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,930 Don't worry, folks. Our master chef is stirring up a fresh batch. 62 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,050 Stop that transaction! 63 00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:49,140 I'm a part-time field agent with the Springfield Department of Commerce. 64 00:03:49,175 --> 00:03:51,493 - Great gig. - It is a great gig. 65 00:03:51,528 --> 00:03:52,994 May I see your vendor's license? 66 00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:56,599 Um, I think it's... We don't have one. 67 00:03:57,221 --> 00:04:00,242 35 cents? Where did that come from? 68 00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:02,925 Can't be mine. Must be yours. 69 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,065 I don't care if it's 45 cents, I don't want it. 70 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,970 Submit this form to the License Bureau. 71 00:04:08,005 --> 00:04:10,486 Until then, this stand is closed. 72 00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:11,521 Boys. 73 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,009 Geez, I'm thirsty. You got any lemonade? 74 00:04:17,044 --> 00:04:18,681 Not anymore! 75 00:04:20,937 --> 00:04:22,475 BUREAU OF LICENSES AND PERMITS 76 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:24,913 DRIVE, MARRY AND HUNT, ONLY $49,95 77 00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:27,939 Come on already. 78 00:04:27,974 --> 00:04:30,702 Come on, come on. I was halfway through an operation when my license expired. 79 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:34,024 I'll get to you, just as soon as I finish this crossword puzzle. 80 00:04:34,059 --> 00:04:35,726 Ah, no, come on. 81 00:04:35,761 --> 00:04:38,966 - Let's go, buddy. - I left bananas in my car. 82 00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:43,246 Let's see, uh, ten across: "Franklin Roosevelt's middle name." 83 00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,647 Excitement. Oh, wait, that don't fit. 84 00:04:47,944 --> 00:04:50,488 Maybe you could use some help. 85 00:04:52,427 --> 00:04:54,624 "FDR's middle name": "Delano." 86 00:04:54,659 --> 00:04:56,452 "Oxidized surface": Well, that's "rusty." 87 00:04:56,487 --> 00:04:58,125 "Bartenders serve them 'dirty.'" 88 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,349 - Ham sandwiches! - No, "martinis." 89 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,416 Oh, right. 90 00:05:01,451 --> 00:05:04,460 One more word! "Singer of Yentl," 13 letters. 91 00:05:07,253 --> 00:05:10,035 I got it! "Isaac Bashevis!" 92 00:05:10,228 --> 00:05:13,303 Now, give me my license! Give everyone their license! 93 00:05:15,527 --> 00:05:17,649 Whoo, what is a four-letter word for "hero"? 94 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,250 - "Hero." - Yes, but I meant "Lisa." 95 00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:23,417 - Lisa! - Lisa! 96 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:26,005 - Y'ello. - Homer? 97 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,821 It's your old roommate, Grady. 98 00:05:27,856 --> 00:05:30,145 - The gay guy? - That's not all I am! 99 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:31,980 Well, it's a lot of what I am. 100 00:05:32,015 --> 00:05:35,126 Any-hoo, I heard how good you are at breaking up couples. 101 00:05:35,161 --> 00:05:37,089 I need your help to break up with Julio, 102 00:05:37,124 --> 00:05:41,440 'cause I met someone new, someone much more cool and refreshing. 103 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:46,983 Got it. Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club, 104 00:05:47,018 --> 00:05:49,246 and I won't be home till 3:00 in the morning! 105 00:05:49,281 --> 00:05:50,504 Have fun! 106 00:05:55,395 --> 00:05:56,976 Ay carumba! 107 00:05:57,534 --> 00:06:00,129 Bart, I've fallen in love with crosswords. 108 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,612 It finally happened. You've gone completely fruit loops. 109 00:06:03,647 --> 00:06:07,523 "Fruit Loops." That's the answer to 38 down: "Toucan's delight." 110 00:06:07,558 --> 00:06:09,315 No, I mean you're loco in the co. 111 00:06:09,350 --> 00:06:12,031 - "Cocoa": "Ice rink drink." - You're losing it! 112 00:06:12,066 --> 00:06:14,322 "Losin' It": "Risque '80s teen flick." 113 00:06:14,357 --> 00:06:16,254 Fine, go nuts, see if I care. 114 00:06:16,289 --> 00:06:18,513 "Eye care":"Optician's concern." 115 00:06:18,548 --> 00:06:20,480 Oh, thanks for your help, Bart. 116 00:06:20,515 --> 00:06:23,637 "Bart": "San Francisco people mover." 117 00:06:23,672 --> 00:06:25,653 Speaking of San Francisco people mover... 118 00:06:30,527 --> 00:06:32,883 Grady is breaking up with me?! 119 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:36,340 You'll always have a special place in his heart! 120 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:37,375 In his what? 121 00:06:42,272 --> 00:06:44,857 Oh, baby, you are the breakup king. 122 00:06:44,892 --> 00:06:49,567 You-You have made the seven minutes that I'm gonna go without love so much more bearable. 123 00:06:49,602 --> 00:06:52,794 Anyone else want me to get rid of that special someone? 124 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:56,280 Okay, everyone, rotate one to your right. 125 00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:05,477 Guess what, Mom. I'm a cruciverbalist. 126 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,629 Another religion? 127 00:07:07,664 --> 00:07:10,423 You know, you're just gonna drop the whole thing when you go to college and 128 00:07:10,458 --> 00:07:12,242 get a Jewish boyfriend. 129 00:07:12,277 --> 00:07:17,245 Probably. But a cruciverbalist is a fan of crossword puzzles, which I am! 130 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:21,343 Me, too! I been doing them since 1958. 131 00:07:21,378 --> 00:07:24,229 Back then, we called them Alphabet Hotels, 132 00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:27,195 'cause every letter gets its own little room. 133 00:07:28,475 --> 00:07:32,183 I still do the Springfield Shopperpuzzle every day. 134 00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:33,943 Let's see there. 135 00:07:34,107 --> 00:07:36,939 Grampa, everyone knows that the only real test of skill 136 00:07:36,974 --> 00:07:39,747 is the New York Timespuzzle, edited by Will Shortz. 137 00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:41,649 "Will" and "shorts"-- 138 00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:45,121 two things I'm no longer allowed to change by myself. 139 00:07:52,226 --> 00:07:54,801 Okay, back to the real world. 140 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:12,512 - Isn't it beautiful?! - Sure is. 141 00:08:12,547 --> 00:08:14,482 - Who's driving the bus? - What bus? 142 00:08:16,356 --> 00:08:18,778 Sweet Conclusions Breakup Service. 143 00:08:18,813 --> 00:08:22,107 Oh, yes, we dispose of your loved one humanely, 144 00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:24,576 thanks to our patented Tender Dump System. 145 00:08:24,611 --> 00:08:25,487 TIME - ICE CREAM - BOOZE - FLATTERY - LIES 146 00:08:25,522 --> 00:08:30,082 I'll be there in 30 minutes, or your breakup is free...! 147 00:08:34,899 --> 00:08:37,215 MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER 148 00:08:39,111 --> 00:08:42,580 MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER 149 00:08:42,615 --> 00:08:44,639 SHE WANTS TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE 150 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:58,528 SNAKE + GLORIA 4EVER 151 00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:03,866 SNAKE + GLORIA 4NEVER 152 00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:10,736 Simpson! 153 00:09:10,771 --> 00:09:15,108 What in the blue blazes are you doing to my hopscotching grids? 154 00:09:15,143 --> 00:09:17,397 I- I made them into a crossword. 155 00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:20,966 Well, I'm a bit of a puzzle head myself. 156 00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:25,922 They, uh, help me wind down after a day of dealing with Skinner! 157 00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,785 - You called? - Made reference. 158 00:09:27,820 --> 00:09:28,933 My mistake. 159 00:09:29,322 --> 00:09:32,317 Lisa, I think you might be ready for this. 160 00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,689 "Bald Man's Basketball League"? 161 00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:37,670 Hmm? Sorry, wrong flier. I meant this. 162 00:09:37,705 --> 00:09:39,901 "Citywide Crossword Tournament"? 163 00:09:39,936 --> 00:09:42,276 - Oh, thank you! - Ah, you're welcome. 164 00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:45,818 Now, uh, I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his 165 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,627 skimmer! 166 00:09:47,662 --> 00:09:49,472 - You called? - You misheard. 167 00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:50,705 My mistake. 168 00:09:53,079 --> 00:09:56,240 Marge, if I had a hundred dollars for every customer I'd broken up, 169 00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:59,202 I'd have exactly this amount. 'Cause that's what I charge. 170 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:03,927 Homie, I'm not sure about this new business of yours. 171 00:10:03,962 --> 00:10:06,359 You're making it too easy for couples to break up 172 00:10:06,394 --> 00:10:08,376 just because they hit a rough patch. 173 00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:12,481 I know this is hard on you. But in time, you'll come to see it's for the best. 174 00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:15,900 That's one of your breakup lines! 175 00:10:15,935 --> 00:10:19,323 What would have happened if there was someone who could break us up 176 00:10:19,358 --> 00:10:23,946 every time I had my doubts about you? 177 00:10:37,582 --> 00:10:39,401 Who are you? 178 00:10:39,436 --> 00:10:43,215 We are the spirits of the relationships you killed. 179 00:10:48,204 --> 00:10:51,140 We're the babies those couples would have had. 180 00:10:52,099 --> 00:10:55,628 And we're the antiques those couples would have bought together. 181 00:10:58,747 --> 00:11:00,900 Get him, chairs and babies! 182 00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:07,218 Homie? 183 00:11:07,253 --> 00:11:09,056 Marge, I'm getting out of the breakup business. 184 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,792 And I don't know if I'll ever sleep soundly again! 185 00:11:11,827 --> 00:11:13,385 Well, maybe... 186 00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:16,073 TODAY: CROSSWORD CHAMPIONSHIPS 187 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,750 TOMORROW: GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY 188 00:11:25,547 --> 00:11:27,450 Wow, so this is what this is. 189 00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:30,439 Cruciverbalists from far and wide have gathered here 190 00:11:30,474 --> 00:11:33,032 for a no-holds-barred test of skill. 191 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,498 - Surely some holds are barred. - No, none. 192 00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:41,150 Well, it sounds really exciting, and you're a delightful young lady. 193 00:11:41,185 --> 00:11:43,216 Now if you'll excuse me. 194 00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,552 Hey, what's going on? 195 00:11:47,587 --> 00:11:50,366 It's kind of a secret, so shut the door most of the way. 196 00:11:54,287 --> 00:11:56,346 We found a way to make this tournament interesting. 197 00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:58,916 We bet on the matches. 198 00:11:59,057 --> 00:12:02,295 Really? Well, I did bring this envelope full of money. 199 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:05,399 And these days, betting in a bar is safer than any stock, 200 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,385 bond or real estate investment. 201 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:09,161 Agreed. So, who are you gonna bet on? 202 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,391 I want you to put it all on my little girl. 203 00:12:12,426 --> 00:12:14,461 And parlay with the Asian kid. 204 00:12:14,496 --> 00:12:16,618 - He has a name, you know. - What is it? 205 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,144 I don't know. He's not my kid. 206 00:12:21,722 --> 00:12:23,486 - I win! - She won! 207 00:12:23,521 --> 00:12:27,361 And like any prudent gambler, I know when to walk away: never! 208 00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:13,570 Okay, everybody, take a break. 209 00:13:13,605 --> 00:13:16,113 Dad, I could actually win this thing! 210 00:13:16,148 --> 00:13:18,987 And when you win, I win. 211 00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:22,708 I'll explain that to you on your deathbed. 212 00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:25,619 My only fear is I always sabotage myself 213 00:13:25,654 --> 00:13:27,319 when I'm on the verge of happiness. 214 00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:28,913 - You what? - In my young life, 215 00:13:28,948 --> 00:13:32,476 I've seen that every time I'm about to achieve true happiness, 216 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,683 some little piece of me says, "You don't deserve this." 217 00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:38,394 And another little piece says, "I agree." 218 00:13:38,429 --> 00:13:40,696 Right, right. But will it happen this time? 219 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:44,646 With my luck, I bet it will. It's practically a sure thing. 220 00:13:47,879 --> 00:13:49,581 Contestants to your boards. 221 00:13:49,616 --> 00:13:52,205 - Wish me luck. - Just be yourself. 222 00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:56,784 I want to change my bet. I'm going against my daughter. 223 00:13:57,715 --> 00:14:01,993 I'll take your money, but I won't look you in the eye. 224 00:14:02,028 --> 00:14:04,631 Fine. I won't look you in the eye. 225 00:14:09,042 --> 00:14:11,116 - Have I made the bet yet? - I got it. 226 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,584 We're down to our final two contestants. 227 00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,784 But before they compete, we would like to pay tribute to all the words 228 00:14:16,819 --> 00:14:19,557 that have been removed from the dictionary in the past year. 229 00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:23,419 SKEDADDLE 230 00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:26,537 NIXONIAN 231 00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:29,884 ZOUNDS 232 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,381 MIMEOGRAPH 233 00:14:34,577 --> 00:14:36,957 HOOTENANNY 234 00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:43,358 You know, my wife Shirley, she's the real crossword ace in our family. 235 00:14:43,393 --> 00:14:45,857 Fills in those letters fast as hail on a tin roof: 236 00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:47,676 ping-ping-ping, she's done. 237 00:14:48,312 --> 00:14:51,685 Ah, Shirley passed away two years ago, but I'm still not over it. 238 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,595 Aw, that's so sad. 239 00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:56,093 Hey, what can you do? Life keeps changing the music, 240 00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:58,380 but you gotta keep up the cha-cha-cha, huh? 241 00:15:05,192 --> 00:15:07,939 Let's see, I'll spread some Qs around. 242 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,528 That'll get my brain going. 243 00:15:12,218 --> 00:15:17,432 Oh, I dropped my glasses. Oh, Shirley, baby, I let you down. 244 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,713 Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses. 245 00:15:24,748 --> 00:15:27,526 Let's see, that's "Enrico Fermi", and there you've got the "Pet Shop Boys," 246 00:15:27,561 --> 00:15:31,353 and cross the T and zing the Z and skit-skat skoodily I'm all the way home. 247 00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:36,300 Lisa got hustled. 248 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,239 Oh, I blew it again. 249 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:41,584 She blew it again. 250 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:45,571 Here's your money... drenched in your daughter's tears. 251 00:15:45,606 --> 00:15:49,229 You know, for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental. 252 00:15:55,445 --> 00:15:57,441 Boy, Dad seems awfully happy. 253 00:15:57,476 --> 00:15:59,740 And there's something different about him. 254 00:16:02,033 --> 00:16:05,471 He bought new shoelaces with fancy metal tips. 255 00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:12,010 Dad, did you come into some money we don't know about? 256 00:16:13,301 --> 00:16:16,423 - No. - You got highlights in your hair! 257 00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,449 Uh... the sun did that. 258 00:16:18,484 --> 00:16:21,956 And your car antenna has been straightened and re-balled. 259 00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:24,264 What's going on? 260 00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:28,926 Well, sweetie, Daddy made a little extra money 261 00:16:28,961 --> 00:16:31,200 betting against you in the crossword tournament. 262 00:16:31,235 --> 00:16:32,809 You'll understand when you're a parent 263 00:16:32,844 --> 00:16:35,588 placing large wagers against your own children. 264 00:16:35,623 --> 00:16:37,633 I hope you're not mad. 265 00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:41,532 No, I'm not mad. 266 00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:49,247 You sure you're not mad? 267 00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:51,834 No. I'm not mad. 268 00:16:54,331 --> 00:16:56,191 You sure you're not mad? 269 00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:58,465 No, I'm not mad. 270 00:16:59,494 --> 00:17:02,610 Mr. Teddy, can you ask Lisa if she's mad? 271 00:17:02,645 --> 00:17:04,190 What's that, Mr. Teddy? 272 00:17:04,225 --> 00:17:06,031 You're saying that you know women, 273 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,587 and that when women say they're not mad, they're madder than ever? 274 00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:11,890 Oh... she's gone. 275 00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:14,565 Can you drive me home? I'm a little drunk. 276 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:16,840 Lisa? 277 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:18,471 Lisa?! 278 00:17:20,514 --> 00:17:23,333 Lisa, sweetie, please look at your Daddy. 279 00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:27,103 You stopped being my Daddy as soon as you bet against me! 280 00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:31,419 All I have now is a mom, which is why I'm taking her maiden name! 281 00:17:31,454 --> 00:17:34,637 From now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier! 282 00:17:38,477 --> 00:17:40,549 Hey, Mr. S. Lisa B. 283 00:17:41,256 --> 00:17:44,131 No...! 284 00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:46,182 Would you like to buy some band candy? 285 00:17:46,217 --> 00:17:48,557 Yes...! 286 00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:51,628 Lisa's mad at me, and now she's using 287 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:54,742 Marge's maiden name instead of mine. 288 00:17:54,777 --> 00:17:56,586 Homer, whatever you done to that little girl, 289 00:17:56,621 --> 00:17:59,089 you just gotta do something even nicer to win her back. 290 00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:00,566 She may never take back your name, 291 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,872 but there's still a chance she'll take you back as a Daddy. 292 00:18:03,587 --> 00:18:08,744 Wow, nobody gives better parenting advice than childless drunks. 293 00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,433 So the name "Lisa Simpson" is available, huh? 294 00:18:12,026 --> 00:18:14,771 Lotta goodwill attached to that name. I gonna take it. 295 00:18:15,987 --> 00:18:18,047 Lisa's Tavern, Lisa speaking. 296 00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:26,081 Lisa, sweetie, 297 00:18:26,116 --> 00:18:29,656 I'm honored that you chose my name, but it's not that great. 298 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:33,292 Back in high school, the boys used to call me Marge "Boobier." 299 00:18:33,327 --> 00:18:36,103 Hey, Bouvier was Jackie Kennedy's maiden name. 300 00:18:36,138 --> 00:18:38,415 Really? I never knew that. 301 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,947 What did you think her name was before it was Kennedy? 302 00:18:40,982 --> 00:18:43,533 Jackie "O." Like SpaghettiOs. 303 00:18:43,568 --> 00:18:46,022 I thought that was where her money came from. 304 00:18:46,057 --> 00:18:50,529 Look, why don't you cheer up by doing a New York Times crossword puzzle, huh? 305 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:51,902 I'm through with crosswords. 306 00:18:51,937 --> 00:18:55,365 My innocence died in those 441 little boxes. 307 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,426 It might be a fun way to kill a couple hours. 308 00:18:58,461 --> 00:19:03,097 A couple hours? I can do the Sunday puzzle in less than one hour. 309 00:19:04,449 --> 00:19:05,925 A couple of hours. 310 00:19:06,533 --> 00:19:10,152 43 MINUTES LATER Last clue: "Loses on purpose." 311 00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:12,975 Diets! 312 00:19:14,164 --> 00:19:17,272 Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal. 313 00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:19,789 And a new record time. 314 00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:20,826 Wait a second. 315 00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:23,773 "Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet." 316 00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:27,316 Wow, it's almost as if Dad planted that message. 317 00:19:27,351 --> 00:19:30,740 No, it must just be a weird coincidence. 318 00:19:30,775 --> 00:19:32,399 But what if it's not? 319 00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:33,837 Oh, it must be. 320 00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:34,872 Or mustn't it not? 321 00:19:46,608 --> 00:19:48,234 Dad, I know this is crazy, 322 00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:51,581 but did you plant a message to me in the New York Times crossword puzzle? 323 00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:54,198 Well, I had a little help from this guy. 324 00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,544 New York Times Crossword Editor Will Shortz! 325 00:19:59,244 --> 00:20:02,114 And master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle! 326 00:20:02,149 --> 00:20:03,759 I actually wrote that crossword. 327 00:20:03,794 --> 00:20:07,011 And I edited it. Now get back to crosswording! 328 00:20:07,046 --> 00:20:08,613 Yes, sir. 329 00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:11,844 Well, I must admit, I'm kind of touched. 330 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:14,279 "Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet." 331 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,559 Nice. 332 00:20:15,594 --> 00:20:17,878 You didn't get Homer's whole message, Lisa. 333 00:20:17,913 --> 00:20:19,165 - I didn't? - Take a look 334 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,418 at the first letters of all the clues. 335 00:20:25,045 --> 00:20:26,970 Dear Lisa, 336 00:20:27,005 --> 00:20:29,384 you make me so happy 337 00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:32,984 really, really, really happy. 338 00:20:33,019 --> 00:20:36,021 Sorry, they told me I needed 144 letters 339 00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:37,966 What was my point again? 340 00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:39,394 Oh, right. 341 00:20:39,429 --> 00:20:41,503 Bouvier or Simpsons 342 00:20:41,538 --> 00:20:44,024 I cherish you, 343 00:20:44,398 --> 00:20:45,850 Oh, dad.