1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,916 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,968 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,393 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,526 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,909 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,379 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,458 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,178 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,891 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,271 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,725 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,538 I don't need your crummy job, Mister Employer. 14 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,415 I won the lottery! 15 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,212 Well, who needs employees? I won the lottery too! 16 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,336 {\an8}We both won the lottery! 17 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,843 ALL: Why don't you win the lottery too? 18 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,682 {\an8}MAN: Where everybody wins! 19 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,933 {\an8}Actual odds of winning: one in 380 million. 20 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,265 {\an8}The lottery-- 21 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,690 {\an8}exploiter of the poor and ignorant. 22 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:48,190 {\an8}You know, I heard the jackpot's up to $130 million. 23 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,194 {\an8}(sputtering) 24 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,185 {\an8}$130 million? 25 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:54,157 {\an8}Did you say $130 million? 26 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,409 {\an8}-Yeah. -Wow! 27 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,700 {\an8}(clamoring) 28 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,080 {\an8}Yes, yes. Here's your lottery ticket. 29 00:02:04,165 --> 00:02:05,915 {\an8}Thank you for knocking over my inventory. 30 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,340 {\an8}Please, come again. 31 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,338 {\an8}Bart, I need some lucky numbers fast. 32 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,710 {\an8}How old are you? 33 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,087 {\an8}Uh-huh, and what's your birthday? 34 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,303 {\an8}No kidding. 35 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,973 {\an8}And what's Lisa's birthday? 36 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,681 {\an8}What? You don't know your sister's birthday? 37 00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:18,101 {\an8}What kind of brother are you? 38 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:20,469 Strap on your bulletproof vest, Sanjay. 39 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,057 It's time for another bank run. 40 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,022 Alright, but if I don't make it 41 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,562 promise you won't sleep with my wife. 42 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,935 I promise nothing. 43 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,855 You'll never guess what happened, Marge. 44 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,191 Are you ready? 45 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:35,816 I have a feeling that we may win... 46 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,445 the lottery! 47 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:38,912 But we never, ever... 48 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,542 I know you're excited, 49 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,448 but calm down and listen to me carefully. 50 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,077 Go get all your money... 51 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,424 I buy one lottery ticket a week 52 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,288 with the girls at the hair salon. 53 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:48,705 We each play our birthday, 54 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:51,133 and that's enough excitement for me. 55 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:52,882 You don't understand, Marge. 56 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,344 The lottery is the one ray of hope 57 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,344 in my otherwise unbearable life! 58 00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,007 Uh, the lottery and you. 59 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,136 Homer, we're on a tight budget, here. 60 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,433 Promise me you won't get carried away. 61 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,057 Yes, money-- I mean honey. 62 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:09,024 Ooh! Here comes the news report about the lottery. 63 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:11,565 Hey, down in front. 64 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:14,609 The whole state is suddenly in the grip of lottery fever 65 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,244 and Springfield is no exception. 66 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:20,782 In fact, every copy of Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" 67 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,327 has been checked out from the Springfield Public Library. 68 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,501 Of course, the book does not contain any hints 69 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,329 on how to win the lottery. 70 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,674 It is rather a chilling tale of conformity gone mad. 71 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,590 Ohh.... 72 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,755 But there's already one big winner-- 73 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,798 our state school system 74 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,262 which gets fully half the profits from the lottery. 75 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,092 Just think what we can buy with that money: 76 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,637 History books that know how the Korean War came out. 77 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,681 Math books that don't have that Base-6 crap in them. 78 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,726 And a state-of-the-art detention hall 79 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:50,399 where children are held in place with magnets. 80 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,150 Magnets, always with the magnets. 81 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:03,331 HOMER: I've never been so sure of anything in my life. 82 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,749 I am going to win this lottery. 83 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:09,078 Homer, the odds are 380 million to one. 84 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:13,085 Correction: 380 million to 50! 85 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,839 So, what are you gonna do with your share of the money, kids? 86 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:16,922 Put it in the bank. 87 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,336 Give it to the poor. 88 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,594 Pfft. What do kids know about spending money? 89 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,887 What are you gonna do, Homer? 90 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,260 Hmm... 91 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,232 Hey Homer, what did you do, get a haircut or something? 92 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,769 (booming voice) Look closer, Lenny. 93 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,233 Oh, I know what it is. 94 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,903 You're the biggest man in the world now 95 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,572 and you're covered in gold. 96 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,690 14-karat gold. 97 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,737 Take a hike, boss. 98 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,861 I'm running things now. 99 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,658 All hail King Homer. 100 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:48,202 (triumphant laughter) 101 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,132 (chuckling) 102 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,429 We now take you to the drawing live. 103 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,548 I hope you've got your tickets. I've got mine. 104 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,545 -(phone rings) -They're about to start, Chief. 105 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,467 No, you got the wrong number. 106 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,426 This is 91... 2. 107 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,101 We'll be with you in a minute, kids. 108 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:15,016 This could be our ticket out of here, Mel. 109 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:17,686 I will now draw the first winning number. 110 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,185 (groaning) 111 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:23,157 I've got so many tickets I can't lose. 112 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:25,329 The first number is 17. 113 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:26,488 D'oh! 114 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,536 You can still win some money 115 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:28,618 if you have five out of six. 116 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,123 Woo-hoo! 117 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,504 And the second number is... three. 118 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,462 D'oh! 119 00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,672 Yeah, I knew we wouldn't win. 120 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,633 Well, why didn't you tell the rest of us? 121 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,674 Why did you keep it a secret!? 122 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,298 If you were 17, we'd be rich. 123 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:48,505 But no, you had to be ten. 124 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:52,018 And the final number is... 49. 125 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,901 38... 49! 126 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,649 Oh, my God... I won. I won! 127 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:58,782 (screaming) 128 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,988 (crazed laughter) 129 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,449 (clearing throat) 130 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,158 Recapping our day's top story: 131 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,778 the winner of today's state lottery is... 132 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,865 me, Kent Brockman. 133 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,411 Can we get a shot of me? 134 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:14,325 There you go. In other news, uh... 135 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:16,535 A tragic mix-up today in Cleveland. 136 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,916 Many people killed. Uh... 137 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,972 Good-bye! 138 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,340 Oh, well, we lost the money 139 00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,347 but at least we've still got each other. 140 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,139 Hey, the dog's dead. 141 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,973 (gasping) 142 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,150 BART: Grampa, he's not dead. 143 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,363 HOMER: Dad, you shouldn't say the dog's dead when he's not. 144 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:45,573 It's not fair to toy with people's emotions like that. 145 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,025 He is dead. I'll get a shovel. 146 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,196 Well, he's not dead, but he is awfully sick. 147 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,115 Oh, sure, the old man's off his rocker. 148 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:58,205 If Grampa says he's dead, he must be alive. 149 00:06:58,292 --> 00:06:59,212 He is alive. 150 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,383 He's wagging his tail. 151 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:02,762 That don't mean nothin'! 152 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,509 Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die. 153 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,220 I'm tired of this conversation. 154 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,140 Let's talk about something else. 155 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,219 I'm going home. 156 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,273 Clear. 157 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020 Clear. 158 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,645 {\an8}Doctor, he's gone. 159 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,861 Ugh! This is the part of the job I hate. 160 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,954 Hey, you did the best you could. 161 00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,740 I love animals. 162 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:33,124 I spend my life saving them, and they can't thank me. 163 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,042 Well, the parrots can, but anyway, 164 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,121 let's see what's wrong with this little fellow. 165 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,212 (dog whimpering) 166 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,673 Hmm... 167 00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:44,382 I'm afraid that your dog has a twisted stomach. 168 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,974 He needs an operation to correct it 169 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,139 -or he'll die. -♪♪ (dramatic) 170 00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,968 How much will it cost? 171 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,973 $750. 172 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,885 Oh, dear. 173 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,564 This is never an easy decision. It's an awful lot of money. 174 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,443 Well, I guess we'll have to talk it over. 175 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,571 Talk what over? What's there to talk about? 176 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,778 What are we gonna talk over? 177 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,609 Mr. Teeny needs a refill of his nicotine gum. 178 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,155 I can't help but notice we're leaving the hospital. 179 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,619 When's the dog going to get his operation? 180 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,120 Uh... later. First I want to tell you 181 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,213 about the most wonderful place 182 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,368 in the world-- 183 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,286 Doggie Heaven. 184 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:23,674 In Doggie Heaven, there's mountains of bones 185 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,093 and you can't turn around 186 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,131 without sniffing another dog's butt. 187 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,005 And all the best dogs are there-- 188 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,391 Old Yeller and about eight Lassies, and-- 189 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,760 Is there a doggie hell? 190 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,516 Well, of course, there couldn't be 191 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,058 a heaven if there weren't a hell. 192 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:40,481 -Who's in there? -Oh... Hitler's dog, 193 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,811 and that dog Nixon had, what's his name? Chester? 194 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,477 Checkers. 195 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,145 Yeah, and one of the Lassies is in there too. 196 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:50,145 The mean one-- the one that mauled Timmy. 197 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,858 Hey, wait a minute, 198 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,408 does this have anything to do with Santa's Little Helper? 199 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,701 Oh, honey, $750 is a lot of money. 200 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,866 We really can't afford this operation. 201 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,496 You're gonna just let him die? 202 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:02,962 I know you're upset. 203 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,542 Darn right I'm upset! 204 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,247 Bart, watch your language. 205 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,707 Oh... you did. Sorry. 206 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,838 We're not going to let our dog die, and that's it! 207 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,506 Lousy, dog-killing son-of-a-- 208 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:16,385 (sighing) 209 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,602 Well, it will be okay. 210 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,853 We'll get him a new dog-- 211 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,144 one with an untwistable stomach. 212 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,398 (whimpering) 213 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,611 Oh, come on. 214 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,572 I'm sorry but we just can't afford it. 215 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,824 Marge, make him stop. 216 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:35,316 Oh! 217 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,538 All right, all right, we'll find a way. 218 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,788 Lousy, manipulative dog. 219 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,750 Uh, Mr. Burns I need to borrow some money. 220 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,672 Please, do go on. 221 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,300 HOMER: I know you're a good man 222 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,338 and I have a dog that's very sick. 223 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,433 Oh, please, continue. 224 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,588 I thought maybe you... 225 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,507 Oh. 226 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,966 Well, thanks for your time. 227 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:01,596 What makes a man endanger his job 228 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:05,564 and, yes, even his life by asking me for money? 229 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,396 People like dogs, Mr. Burns. 230 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,691 Nonsense. Dogs are idiots. 231 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,565 Think about it, Smithers, If I came into your house 232 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,203 and started sniffing at your crotch 233 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,870 and slobbering all over your face 234 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:16,988 what would you say? 235 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,994 If you did it, sir? 236 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:22,906 Exactly. You'd be fit to be tied. Dogs! 237 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,617 Hmm... 238 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,167 -No! -What? 239 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,840 You are not going to perform that operation yourself. 240 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,419 But Marge, it looks so easy. 241 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,014 Just like carving a turkey. 242 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,974 ALL: Oh! Oh! 243 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,181 Eww! 244 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:39,061 (grunting) 245 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,888 Maybe you're right, Marge. 246 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,981 I found a way we can pay for the operation. 247 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,274 -BOTH: All right! -Hear that, boy? 248 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,778 -What do you got, Marge, insurance scam? -No. 249 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,110 I'm afraid we're just going 250 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,405 to have to make a few sacrifices. 251 00:10:56,489 --> 00:11:00,699 Homer, you're going to have to give up beer for a while. 252 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,195 Bart, from now on, 253 00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,906 you'll have to get your hair cut for free 254 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,616 at Springfield Barber College. 255 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,376 No problemo. 256 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,918 I'm going to give up buying my weekly lottery ticket 257 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,712 and I found a way to stretch the food budget. 258 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,087 Fried chicken night will now be organ meat night. 259 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,264 Ham night will be Spam night, and pork chop night-- 260 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,184 -(sobbing) -Will be chub night. 261 00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,852 Chub? I don't even know what that is. 262 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,272 Lisa, I'm afraid we'll have to stop getting you 263 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,691 those volumes of Encyclopedia Generica 264 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,229 from the grocery store. 265 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:31,023 But Mom, next week is volume four-- 266 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,107 Copernicus through Elephantiasis. 267 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,652 We all have to make sacrifices, dear. 268 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:39,776 Maggie's baby clothes will have to last for a little longer. 269 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,115 Marge, I've figured out 270 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,040 an alternative to giving up my beer. 271 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,420 Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats. 272 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,791 I don't think you've thought this through. 273 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,298 -(gasping) -Good news, Mr. Danielson. 274 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,143 We saved your gamecock, 275 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,968 but I'm afraid he'll never fight again. 276 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,354 That's what you think. 277 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,811 He'll fight and he'll win. 278 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,943 Clamp. 279 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,270 (beeping) 280 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,106 Wipe. 281 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,901 (flat tone) 282 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:16,985 No! 283 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,199 No! 284 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,699 MAN'S VOICE: Come to the light, boy. 285 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,742 Come into the light. 286 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,036 Come on now. 287 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,949 There's a good boy. 288 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:29,327 Come on. Come on. 289 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,430 (rhythmic breathing) 290 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:40,508 (monitor beeping) 291 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,893 -Um, Simpson? -(gasping) 292 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,932 (barking) 293 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,984 Oh, Santa's Little Helper, you're alive! 294 00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,438 Oh, you're all better now! 295 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:50,688 It's times like this I'm glad 296 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,900 I flunked out of dental school. 297 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:58,106 {\an8}HOMER: Lousy chub night. 298 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,114 {\an8}Hey, how come he gets meat and we don't? 299 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,566 You wouldn't want what he's eating. 300 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,025 It's mostly just snouts and entrails. 301 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,406 Mmm... snouts. 302 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,865 Yes, I'm back. 303 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,414 Kent Brockman is not the kind of man 304 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,118 who would leave a $500,000-a-year job 305 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,958 just because he won a lottery. 306 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,383 Hey, I'm a journalist. 307 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,762 Well, he's got all the money in the world 308 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,179 but there's one thing he can't buy. 309 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:24,848 -What's that? -A dinosaur. 310 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,679 Of course, I'm not the only one 311 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,354 who benefitted from last week's big payoff. 312 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,482 Our state schools got their share too. 313 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,899 Here, lottery officials present Springfield Elementary 314 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,978 with a brand-new eraser. 315 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,484 One eraser? 316 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,645 I'm used to my government betraying me. 317 00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,744 I was in 'Nam. I served for 3-- 318 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,070 And speaking of lotteries 319 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,485 here are the winning numbers for this week's 320 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:46,534 $40,000 'jackpot'. 321 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:50,407 3-6-17-18-22 and 29. 322 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,786 Oh, no! 323 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,422 Those are my numbers. 324 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,039 If it wasn't for that dog, I would have won. 325 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,631 Class, for tomorrow, I want you to write a report 326 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,803 on Copernicus. 327 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,132 D'oh! 328 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,927 MAN: Come on, booze hound. 329 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,350 You want the 25 cents, don't you? 330 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,258 Keep singing! 331 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:11,227 ♪ Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight? ♪ 332 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,308 ♪ Come out tonight? ♪ 333 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,103 ♪ Come out tonight? ♪ 334 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,056 Who's that old rummy? 335 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,646 Before his dog got sick 336 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:20,441 that old rummy used to be my best customer. 337 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,316 ♪ ...of the moon ♪ 338 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,743 (all cheering) 339 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,281 Sing it, baby! 340 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,284 Go get it, pal! 341 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,405 My quarter! Aagh! 342 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:31,292 Okay, I'll just even this out and-- 343 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,830 (buzzing) 344 00:14:32,913 --> 00:14:36,003 Mr. Laswell... I've done it again. 345 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,383 (panting) 346 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,960 I know you can't understand me 347 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:43,335 but you're a lousy dog and I hate you. 348 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,224 Not now. 349 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,011 Can't you see I'm reading a third-rate biography 350 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,755 of Copernicus I found at the bus station? 351 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:51,888 Dumb dog. 352 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:52,854 (whimpering) 353 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,274 Homie, did you close the gate? 354 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:01,317 Yes. 355 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,480 (gate banging) 356 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,744 Oh, you mean tonight. 357 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:08,993 The dog will get out. 358 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,834 Bart, close the gate! 359 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,291 Oh, Lisa, close the gate! 360 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:18,332 Close the gate, Maggie! 361 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,678 (whimpering) 362 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,694 MARGE: Here, boy! 363 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,940 (whistles) 364 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,481 Here, Santa's Little Helper! 365 00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:42,975 Oh... 366 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,527 it's all my fault. 367 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,361 I called him a dumb dog. 368 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,946 Oh, he's gone and he's never coming back. 369 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,032 Wait! There he is! 370 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,037 No, that's a horse. 371 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,046 (growling) 372 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,795 (both growling) 373 00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:30,815 (meowing, barking) 374 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:31,906 (cat screeches) 375 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:32,871 (barking) 376 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,092 Have you found a picture yet? 377 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,092 Not one that I want the public to see. 378 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,215 Mmm... 379 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,931 Oh. 380 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,102 Mmm... 381 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:57,269 Oh, dear. 382 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,929 FLANDERS: So, recycling 383 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,848 is our way of giving Mother Earth a great big hug. 384 00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,017 Yes, well, it does sound like fun. 385 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,856 I can't wait to start pawing through my garbage 386 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,612 like some starving raccoon. 387 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,815 Release the hounds. 388 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,235 Well, neighbor I see you've got 389 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,243 your running shoes on. That's a good thing. 390 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,286 (growling) 391 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,159 (screaming) 392 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,754 (tired panting and growling) 393 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,665 What's wrong with Crippler? 394 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,014 He's getting on, sir. 395 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,128 He's been here since the late '60s. 396 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,085 Ah, yes, I'll never forget the day 397 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,926 he bagged his first hippie. 398 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,561 That young man didn't think it was too groovy. 399 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,468 (chuckling) 400 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,484 I'm looking for something in an attack dog-- 401 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:46,191 one who likes the sweet, gamey tang of human flesh. 402 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,733 Why, here's the fellow. 403 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:52,817 Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. 404 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:53,815 Reminds me of me. 405 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:01,116 Ah, the last one. 406 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,047 D'oh! 407 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,799 Now, as an attack dog 408 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,051 you'll be expected to neutralize intruders. 409 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,393 Want to buy some cookies? Want to buy some cookies? 410 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,009 (barking and whining) 411 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,256 (groans) 412 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,927 If that were a real girl scout 413 00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:21,595 I'd have been bothered by now. 414 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,273 I know how you feel. 415 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,562 I lost my dog too. 416 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,266 He's in here somewhere. 417 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:30,476 (muffled whining) 418 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:32,067 BURNS: Now here's a film 419 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,282 that will turn you into a vicious, soulless killer. 420 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,123 Enjoy. 421 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,658 ♪♪ (Beethoven's "Ode to Joy") 422 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,879 Poor Santa's Little Helper. 423 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:54,423 I'm starting to think we'll never see him again. 424 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,218 That was his dish 425 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,601 and that was his leash 426 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:02,099 and that's where he took a whiz on the rug. 427 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,892 (sobbing) 428 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,266 Homer, get a hold of yourself. 429 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:09,613 Even if he has passed on, there's no reason to cry. 430 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:11,730 Remember, Doggie Heaven? 431 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,897 Oh, Marge! 432 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,945 There is no such place. 433 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:16,198 (Marge clears throat) 434 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,320 Or... 435 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,826 to put it another way... 436 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:21,488 there is. 437 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,077 I'm not giving up. I don't care if I have to 438 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,373 knock on every door in this two-bit town, 439 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,076 I'm gonna find my dog. 440 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,127 And I'll be right here watching TV. 441 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,960 Poka, poka, poka. 442 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,165 (snarling) 443 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,625 Poka, poka, poka... 444 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,625 (snarling) 445 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,426 (screams) 446 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,469 (growling) 447 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,057 Excellent. 448 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,100 (doorbell rings) 449 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,143 Hello, I'm Kent Brockman. 450 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,646 Excuse me, sir. I lost my dog. 451 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,359 Mm-hm. And I suppose you want me to buy you a new one, hmm? 452 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,269 You know, ever since I won the lottery 453 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,187 everybody wants a piece of Kent Brockman-- 454 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,856 homeless this and hungry that. 455 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,815 Gee, I'm sorry, mister. 456 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,736 Sir, your llama just bit Ted Kennedy. 457 00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,155 Good! 458 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,371 (doorbell rings) 459 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,628 I hate to interrupt your longevity treatment, sir, 460 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,671 but there's a sweet little boy at the door. 461 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,554 Release the hounds. 462 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,591 (growling and barking) 463 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,350 Santa's Little Helper! It's you! 464 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,137 (screams) 465 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:28,688 (gasps) 466 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,148 What's the matter, boy? Don't you know me? 467 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,322 I'm your buddy. 468 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,149 (growls) 469 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,358 I love you, boy. 470 00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,616 (echoing) 471 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,327 (whining) 472 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,211 (growling) 473 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,342 (dogs whining) 474 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,137 (laughing) 475 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,265 HOMER: Let me pet him again. 476 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,480 You already petted him for ten minutes. 477 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,310 I know, I want to pet him again. 478 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,936 You can pet the cat. 479 00:21:14,022 --> 00:21:15,942 The cat? What's the point? 480 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,034 Good boy, Santa's Little Helper. 481 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,070 Oh, good boy. 482 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,992 This will never, ever happen again. 483 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,071 {\an8}BART: You can have anything you want. 484 00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:26,576 {\an8}You can sleep on my bed, you can chew on slippers. 485 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,790 {\an8}HOMER: Yeah, he's a good doggie. 486 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,253 ♪♪ 487 00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:36,522 Shh! 488 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,488 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.