1 00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:22,998 Hot dogs, not so hot dogs! 2 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,814 Cold and droopy! 3 00:01:24,939 --> 00:01:27,989 Fried dough! America's worst legal food! 4 00:01:28,114 --> 00:01:29,422 Never leaves your body! 5 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:33,342 The Truth in Boardwalking Law has really done a number on this place. 6 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,833 Shoot an oversized basketball into an undersized hoop! 7 00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:40,850 It's impossible! The prizes have been here for 50 years! 8 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,547 Maybe we should just check out the street performers. 9 00:01:52,182 --> 00:01:53,176 Big deal! 10 00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:56,737 I could juggle six pins if they let me use a unicycle. 11 00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:58,744 Well, if you think it's too easy, 12 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,952 why don't you throw me something else? 13 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,100 Are you insane? 14 00:02:03,225 --> 00:02:05,989 You can't throw a little boy into my cascade. 15 00:02:06,114 --> 00:02:08,119 Stop tossing kids! 16 00:02:18,195 --> 00:02:19,889 Man, I love Saturdays. 17 00:02:20,235 --> 00:02:22,361 Man, I love Saturdays. 18 00:02:22,486 --> 00:02:25,561 Finally, I can have fun with something I bought for myself! 19 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,980 A new water heater. 20 00:02:31,163 --> 00:02:32,265 Almost there. 21 00:02:35,094 --> 00:02:37,002 Five more water heaters, 22 00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:39,512 and we get a free water heater! 23 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,667 A mysterious door. 24 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,386 It's like a sauna in here. 25 00:02:59,821 --> 00:03:01,639 It is a sauna, in here. 26 00:03:02,322 --> 00:03:04,573 Must have been put in by a previous owner. 27 00:03:04,698 --> 00:03:06,910 This house is full of surprises, 28 00:03:07,035 --> 00:03:08,707 but this is the first good one. 29 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,374 I can't wait to tell everyone. 30 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:18,357 This is great, honey. Thanks for telling me about it. 31 00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,248 I hope you don't mind I invited Lenny. 32 00:03:20,373 --> 00:03:23,148 And I hope you don't mind I invited Carl and Moe. 33 00:03:23,273 --> 00:03:26,159 My invitation didn't say nothing about no towels, 34 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:30,179 so, I guess we should all just go Scandinavian. 35 00:03:33,266 --> 00:03:36,215 Maybe I'll keep this to myself for a while. 36 00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:40,928 Lamb kebab! 37 00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:44,306 Chicken kebab! 38 00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:47,560 Fire kebab! 39 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,645 - Dad, no! - Dad, yes! 40 00:03:51,811 --> 00:03:53,092 Water! 41 00:03:58,294 --> 00:03:59,203 Why... 42 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,379 you... 43 00:04:00,504 --> 00:04:01,689 little... 44 00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,862 Burn, Barty, burn! 45 00:04:11,178 --> 00:04:13,932 His tongue will be in that cast for a few weeks. 46 00:04:14,057 --> 00:04:16,505 It may put something of a cramp in your lovemaking. 47 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:20,175 No, it won't... if he wants me to do something, he'll write it down. 48 00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:26,352 What does it say? 49 00:04:26,477 --> 00:04:28,017 Is it complimentary? 50 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,269 Yeah, sure, it's complimentary. 51 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:34,164 It is? Hey, everybody, check out my compliment! 52 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,871 How would you like me to remove it? 53 00:04:42,996 --> 00:04:44,688 Yanky or peely? 54 00:04:45,646 --> 00:04:46,459 Got it. 55 00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:50,122 I held up two for "peely"! 56 00:04:50,895 --> 00:04:53,019 I thought that was a "Y," for "Yanky." 57 00:04:53,406 --> 00:04:56,045 I'll make a note in your chart that you aren't always clear. 58 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,962 At least I can eat again. 59 00:04:58,557 --> 00:04:59,480 Cherry. 60 00:05:02,197 --> 00:05:03,388 Too much cherry! 61 00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:06,246 Lemon. That'll stop the cherry. 62 00:05:11,115 --> 00:05:13,063 Why is this happening to me? 63 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,192 Well, I do have an idea, 64 00:05:15,317 --> 00:05:17,938 but just to be sure, let's run some expensive tests. 65 00:05:21,606 --> 00:05:23,973 The fire burned off your old taste buds, 66 00:05:24,098 --> 00:05:25,596 exposing new ones. 67 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,872 That'll be our Christmas card, this year. 68 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,453 Homer, you've become a super-taster. 69 00:05:34,716 --> 00:05:36,961 The mildest spices will overwhelm your tongue. 70 00:05:37,277 --> 00:05:40,240 Even a taco could drive you insane. 71 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,389 I can't eat tacos? 72 00:05:43,672 --> 00:05:46,619 Oh, my God. What day of Mayo is it? 73 00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:47,587 Cinco. 74 00:05:50,034 --> 00:05:52,952 Try these beets. I boiled all the red out. 75 00:05:54,724 --> 00:05:57,000 I still taste overtones of pink! 76 00:05:57,298 --> 00:05:59,025 Dad, I got the perfect thing. 77 00:06:02,819 --> 00:06:04,028 It feels like food, 78 00:06:04,636 --> 00:06:07,449 but it has no flavor whatsoever! 79 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,952 It's mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. 80 00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:12,371 The blandest food known to man. 81 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,874 - What else do they got? - Tofu cubes, tidy Joes, 82 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,764 chili con cottage cheese, 83 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,378 pecan blandies, 84 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,406 cream of steam, you guess 'ems... 85 00:06:21,531 --> 00:06:23,103 Who comes up with this stuff? 86 00:06:23,228 --> 00:06:25,718 Old comedy writers who now have to work at our kitchen. 87 00:06:26,023 --> 00:06:28,241 The one rule we had on Charles in charge, 88 00:06:28,366 --> 00:06:30,639 is Charles must always be in charge. 89 00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:33,851 - That makes sense to me. - Good rule. 90 00:06:34,242 --> 00:06:35,329 Lunch card. 91 00:06:35,999 --> 00:06:37,205 Lunch card. 92 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,498 - Lunch card. - Don't have one. 93 00:06:39,623 --> 00:06:40,983 What are you doing here? 94 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:44,198 Son, from now on, I'm eating all my meals here at school... 95 00:06:44,323 --> 00:06:45,487 with you! 96 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,962 What? No! 97 00:06:47,570 --> 00:06:49,811 Come on, relax. I won't embarrass you. 98 00:06:49,936 --> 00:06:51,578 $3.85. 99 00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:55,131 Can I work it off? 100 00:06:55,256 --> 00:06:56,957 Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. 101 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,585 I'll start you on Jell-O. 102 00:07:00,899 --> 00:07:03,839 I'm big and yellow and I'm servin' Jell-O. 103 00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:06,258 If you're a fellow and you want some Jell-O, 104 00:07:06,564 --> 00:07:10,345 you better bellow "Hey, big guy, give me some Jell-O." 105 00:07:11,658 --> 00:07:15,209 No Jell-O for you, Bart. It'll keep you up at night. 106 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,437 Like last week when you crawled into bed with me and Mommy. 107 00:07:21,104 --> 00:07:24,115 Sure is hot back here. And there we go. 108 00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:26,695 Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. 109 00:07:31,654 --> 00:07:33,425 I used to date your daughter. 110 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:36,413 Buddy, I'm here to eat, not make interesting conversation. 111 00:07:37,318 --> 00:07:39,253 Dad, do you have to hang out at my school? 112 00:07:39,378 --> 00:07:41,650 It's bad enough I have to be here three days a week. 113 00:07:41,775 --> 00:07:44,353 Well, I know when I'm not wanted. 114 00:07:44,844 --> 00:07:45,827 Am I wanted? 115 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:52,054 Hi, Homer Simpson. Mind if I sit near your son? Mine sucks. 116 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,156 We certainly are proud of Noah. He's a straight-A student. 117 00:07:56,281 --> 00:07:59,380 Noah, state capitals: alphabetical order, on my clap! 118 00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:02,730 Albany! Annapolis! Atlanta! Augusta! 119 00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:04,566 Austin! Baton Rouge! 120 00:08:04,796 --> 00:08:06,735 Bismarck! Boise! Boston! 121 00:08:07,298 --> 00:08:08,946 Capital City! Carson City! 122 00:08:10,805 --> 00:08:12,825 He's terrified of you. 123 00:08:13,143 --> 00:08:15,744 That's why I'm here: to make sure he gets good grades. 124 00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:20,165 You come to school to help him get good grades? 125 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,669 Isn't that why we pay school teachers those enormous salaries? 126 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,769 Well, call me over-involved, 127 00:08:25,894 --> 00:08:28,841 but someday, your son will be my son's chauffeur. 128 00:08:29,184 --> 00:08:32,295 Well, I hope your son enjoys being driven around 129 00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:35,013 by the president of the United States. 130 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,433 Really? What the future president's doing right now. 131 00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:49,574 You don't see many presidents doing that. 132 00:08:49,699 --> 00:08:51,780 Maybe L.B.J. at the end. 133 00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:54,439 It's not your son's fault, it's yours. 134 00:08:54,564 --> 00:08:56,410 You have to hover over your kid's shoulder 135 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:57,817 to force him to succeed. 136 00:08:57,942 --> 00:08:59,496 It's "helicopter parenting." 137 00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,327 I don't have to "helicopter" Bart. 138 00:09:01,452 --> 00:09:03,876 I've got a backup plan called "Lisa." 139 00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,853 Right, your second grader. 140 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,607 Sure, she's smart, 141 00:09:07,732 --> 00:09:10,215 but how can she be successful if she's not popular? 142 00:09:11,542 --> 00:09:13,194 Do you mind if I join you? 143 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,012 That depends. What are you eating? 144 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,306 Baked potato, side salad and a... 145 00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:20,001 Well, we're having cold shoulder. 146 00:09:23,492 --> 00:09:24,813 Is this seat taken? 147 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,648 No, go ahead, take it. 148 00:09:26,905 --> 00:09:28,317 Take it way over there. 149 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,570 My God! 150 00:09:35,695 --> 00:09:39,403 My son's a loser and my daughter's a loner! 151 00:09:39,528 --> 00:09:40,913 Way to go, Marge! 152 00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:45,881 Where have you been? 153 00:09:47,489 --> 00:09:51,274 No time. I'll deduce where you were from a list of possibilities in my head. 154 00:09:53,966 --> 00:09:55,887 That makes sense. Moving on. 155 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,164 If we don't get more involved in their lives, 156 00:09:58,289 --> 00:10:01,225 Bart and Lisa are gonna be failures. Failures who work for... 157 00:10:01,627 --> 00:10:02,434 Noah! 158 00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:05,485 "Noah." I like that name. 159 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,318 Don't you usually worries about stuff? 160 00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:13,195 Do I? 161 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,366 If Marge doesn't worry about the kids, 162 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,780 then that leaves... 163 00:10:18,227 --> 00:10:19,039 me! 164 00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:20,728 Help me, mayonnaise! 165 00:10:32,568 --> 00:10:34,518 Look at all these helicopter parents. 166 00:10:34,643 --> 00:10:36,528 I hope Bart's doing okay on his own. 167 00:10:43,197 --> 00:10:44,768 There's no future in that! 168 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,041 Don't forget, 169 00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:48,563 Monday is the balsa-wood model-building competion. 170 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,205 The American Balsa Council will award this year's winner 171 00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:54,736 a $1,000 savings bond for their college education. 172 00:10:56,066 --> 00:10:59,116 A thousand dollars?! That's what my house is worth! 173 00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,118 Simpsons, what will you be making? 174 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,367 I don't know. 175 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,978 Time to take control of my son's life. 176 00:11:08,103 --> 00:11:09,103 Let's see. 177 00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:11,359 What can he build? 178 00:11:13,309 --> 00:11:14,409 Too obvious. 179 00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:19,018 Got to be something from Earth. 180 00:11:20,021 --> 00:11:21,200 You're no help. 181 00:11:23,055 --> 00:11:23,974 Perfect! 182 00:11:29,895 --> 00:11:31,356 "The Washington Monument"? 183 00:11:32,429 --> 00:11:34,609 Washington Monument. 184 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,375 I like Bart's idea. 185 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,114 - You're not in this class. - Willie swept me in here. 186 00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:40,656 My mistake. 187 00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:45,766 I did it! I helped my son! 188 00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:47,706 Helicopter Homer away! 189 00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,377 Black Hawk down! Black Hawk down! 190 00:11:53,143 --> 00:11:54,168 I found this book 191 00:11:54,293 --> 00:11:56,857 in the "What's Wrong With My Daughter" section of the bookstore. 192 00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:58,717 It tells you how you can get popular. 193 00:11:59,132 --> 00:12:01,803 If I join a clique, I'll be the kind of person I hate. 194 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,349 Sweetie, our country was founded by a clique: 195 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,788 the Continental Congress. Dolphins swim in cliques. 196 00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,585 Those are my two examples. 197 00:12:10,683 --> 00:12:11,813 They are good ones. 198 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,924 And to show you how this book works, 199 00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:16,485 I will demonstrate on some rats. 200 00:12:20,798 --> 00:12:24,117 Let's try what chapter seven calls "Un-sults," 201 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,885 insults disguised as compliments. 202 00:12:28,654 --> 00:12:31,750 It takes a lot of courage to wear suspenders 203 00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,418 when you're not in the circus. 204 00:12:34,037 --> 00:12:35,800 That's very nice of you... 205 00:12:35,925 --> 00:12:38,109 You saying my clothes are clown-like? 206 00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:39,778 I feel so insecure. 207 00:12:39,903 --> 00:12:41,319 Please be my friend. 208 00:12:41,444 --> 00:12:42,514 See, it works. 209 00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:45,931 And un-sults are just the beginning. There's also envy-tations, 210 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,850 hate-hugs, spamming with faint praise and... 211 00:12:49,308 --> 00:12:51,930 Everyone, want to go get frozen yogurt? 212 00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:52,807 I do! 213 00:12:54,209 --> 00:12:55,107 I'm sorry. 214 00:12:55,276 --> 00:12:57,317 I didn't mean "everyone" everyone. 215 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:58,735 Hope you don't mind. 216 00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,302 That's all right. 217 00:13:05,725 --> 00:13:07,624 If I didn't sell booze, 218 00:13:07,749 --> 00:13:10,310 they probably wouldn't even come here! 219 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:16,336 And that, my dear girl, is called the Toledo Take-back. 220 00:13:16,804 --> 00:13:18,713 I don't want to hurt people's feelings. 221 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,169 I see. 222 00:13:20,294 --> 00:13:22,644 Maybe you're not ready for this book. 223 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,371 It is more of a big girl thing. 224 00:13:25,496 --> 00:13:27,661 I'm a big girl! I'm a big girl! 225 00:13:32,002 --> 00:13:34,501 One of you said something bad about the other. 226 00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:36,231 - He did? - He did? 227 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,536 Son, you buy an awful lot of airplane glue, 228 00:13:44,661 --> 00:13:45,991 but you never buy any models. 229 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,118 Right, models. 230 00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:51,302 One Messerschmitt M.E. 262, 231 00:13:51,427 --> 00:13:53,070 a'67 S. G. T. O, 232 00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:55,750 an Alfred E. Neuman with interchangeable arms... 233 00:14:02,354 --> 00:14:04,096 We'd like some balsa wood, please. 234 00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:06,506 Enough to build a Washington Monument. 235 00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:09,264 - What scale are you using? - What cologne are you wearing? 236 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:12,019 None of your business! Now we'd like our Washington Monument 237 00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:14,980 to be 1/500 the size of the real one. 238 00:14:16,459 --> 00:14:17,661 Washington Monument? 239 00:14:17,786 --> 00:14:20,066 - Aren't you going to even try? - What do you mean? 240 00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:22,414 - And who are you? - I'm your son's principal. 241 00:14:22,539 --> 00:14:25,712 And the Washington Monument is the most uninspired model choice there is. 242 00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,435 It's like saying, "I don't care. 243 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,307 - "My kid's a loser." - But... 244 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,329 What's the hardest model there is? 245 00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:35,165 That would be Westminster Abbey. 246 00:14:35,525 --> 00:14:39,044 Attention parents, children and childless weirdoes! 247 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:41,379 My son and I are going to build... 248 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,438 Westminster Abbey! 249 00:14:44,371 --> 00:14:47,272 - You've got to be crazy! - Prepare to be frustrated! 250 00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:49,554 You won't get past the north transept! 251 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,677 How hard can it be? All we have to do is follow the directions. 252 00:15:00,729 --> 00:15:04,319 Marge, the boy and I will be making Westminster Abbey. 253 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,726 Blabby's gonna build an Abbey. 254 00:15:06,851 --> 00:15:07,906 Groovy. 255 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,696 But first, as part of Operation Popularity, 256 00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:13,826 Lisa and I are hosting a decorate-your-own-cell-phone party 257 00:15:13,951 --> 00:15:15,163 in the back yard. 258 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:16,498 They're here! 259 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,208 Where's my spray-on tan? 260 00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:22,420 "Ant poison"? 261 00:15:23,515 --> 00:15:26,401 Why do I always read the labels after? 262 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,094 Ladies, we've got it all. 263 00:15:29,457 --> 00:15:31,179 Rhinestones, stickers, tassels... 264 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,846 Everything to make those hundred-dollar phones 265 00:15:33,971 --> 00:15:35,821 look like five-dollar toys. 266 00:15:36,315 --> 00:15:39,101 - This party is twisted! - You're fierce! 267 00:15:40,124 --> 00:15:42,228 I've never been called "fierce" before. 268 00:15:42,353 --> 00:15:45,360 "Strident." "Hectoring" has been tossed around. 269 00:15:45,627 --> 00:15:47,720 Let me take a picture of you for my cell phone. 270 00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:49,213 I'll put you on my desktop! 271 00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:51,866 I'm going to make you my friend on Facebook. Please confirm. 272 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,008 Confirm. 273 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,078 I am such a great parent to both my kids. 274 00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:04,462 Hello, little girl. Who do you belong to? 275 00:16:07,397 --> 00:16:09,747 Boy, why don't I do that for you? 276 00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:12,095 Isn't this supposed to be my project? 277 00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,389 All the other parents are doing it for their kids. 278 00:16:14,711 --> 00:16:17,255 Now stand back and I'll take it from here. 279 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,067 A little further back. 280 00:16:20,781 --> 00:16:23,565 - Do you want me to watch and learn? - Naw, that kind of creeps me out. 281 00:16:26,544 --> 00:16:28,470 Must finish Poet's Corner 282 00:16:28,595 --> 00:16:32,326 or Bart will work for Noah with his hot mom. 283 00:16:39,325 --> 00:16:42,272 That's not Henry the Seventh, it's Henry the Sixth! 284 00:16:42,397 --> 00:16:44,252 Stupid, stupid, stupid! 285 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:48,173 Don't give up till you finish my dear Abbey. 286 00:16:48,727 --> 00:16:50,008 Geoffrey Chaucer?! 287 00:16:50,299 --> 00:16:52,594 - What are you doing here? - Well, I'm buried here. 288 00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:55,591 And I want to tell you, you're right to do all his for him. 289 00:16:55,716 --> 00:16:57,515 It's the best thing for the boy. 290 00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:59,601 That's terrible advice. 291 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:00,852 Anne of Cleves! 292 00:17:01,159 --> 00:17:04,356 What you do for your son, he'll never learn to do for himself. 293 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,525 And where is this delightful boy? 294 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,987 Oscar Wilde? 295 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:12,046 There are only two tragedies in life: 296 00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:13,957 one is not getting what one wants, 297 00:17:14,082 --> 00:17:15,873 and the other is getting it. 298 00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:17,619 But that makes no sense. 299 00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:21,748 "Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes." 300 00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:22,707 Shut up! 301 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,293 These days, man knows the price of everything 302 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,272 and the value of nothing. 303 00:17:27,397 --> 00:17:29,517 Whatever happened to "boo?" 304 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,895 Now we could smash the real Westminster Abbey 305 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:45,470 it looks like this. 306 00:17:47,541 --> 00:17:50,248 There are no flights to London till 5:00. 307 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,530 Welcome to Springfield Elementary's Next Top Model... 308 00:17:54,944 --> 00:17:56,307 building contest. 309 00:17:57,765 --> 00:18:01,371 - He said your show. - I watched it once! 310 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,942 Now, judges, start your nodding. 311 00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:10,259 Flawless. Stunning. 312 00:18:10,384 --> 00:18:12,851 Awe-inspiring. Meticulous. 313 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,338 These models are clearly the work of meddling parents. 314 00:18:24,463 --> 00:18:27,965 The only entry that repels my eye enough to be constructed 315 00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:30,150 by a student is this one. 316 00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:31,865 Congratulations, son. 317 00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:34,070 At least you followed the rules. 318 00:18:35,593 --> 00:18:37,073 In your face, losers! 319 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,576 This helicopter is taking off! 320 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,829 Stop the hovering! 321 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,057 I didn't make this terrible model. 322 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,129 My dad did. 323 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,632 Why can't you guys let us do things for ourselves? 324 00:18:54,906 --> 00:18:56,337 In the words of Oscar Wilde, 325 00:18:56,462 --> 00:18:59,522 "Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes." 326 00:18:59,647 --> 00:19:00,991 I saw him too, Dad. 327 00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:02,670 I'm sorry. 328 00:19:02,795 --> 00:19:04,162 I got carried away. 329 00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:06,822 From now on, the only thing I'll ever do for you 330 00:19:06,947 --> 00:19:08,762 is cosign if you want a gun. 331 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,962 At least I made Lisa popular. 332 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,005 "I H-8 this?" 333 00:19:17,943 --> 00:19:19,103 I'm sorry, Dad. 334 00:19:19,228 --> 00:19:20,788 These girls are nice on the surface, 335 00:19:20,913 --> 00:19:23,119 but it's hard work staying this shallow. 336 00:19:23,408 --> 00:19:24,788 I hope you understand. 337 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,072 It's clear to me now. 338 00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:30,912 The best thing I can do as a parent is simply check out. 339 00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:32,628 There's a middle ground. 340 00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:36,132 A light bulb is either on or it's off. 341 00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,842 Not if you use a dimmer switch. 342 00:19:38,124 --> 00:19:41,379 That's what the dimmer switch companies want you to think. 343 00:19:43,957 --> 00:19:45,107 What's wrong? 344 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,527 I tried to fix the kids' lives, 345 00:19:48,652 --> 00:19:52,424 but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions 346 00:19:52,549 --> 00:19:53,547 of their own. 347 00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:57,284 Well, I know a place in this house 348 00:19:57,409 --> 00:19:59,669 where you can really relax. 349 00:20:00,047 --> 00:20:02,439 The mattress the dog sleeps on in the cellar? 350 00:20:02,564 --> 00:20:05,158 No, I gave that to the homeless shelter. 351 00:20:05,631 --> 00:20:07,599 It was stuffed with cash! 352 00:20:08,045 --> 00:20:10,534 I'll make you forget all about it. 353 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,755 Feeling better, Super Dad? 354 00:20:26,023 --> 00:20:28,616 I feel like I've died and gone to Hell.