1
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,467
But isn't it more important
for a woman
2
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:38,300
to be smart and powerful
than beautiful?
3
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,534
A woman can be smart,
beautiful and powerful,
4
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,901
like Queen Elizabeth the First!
5
00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:46,534
She had it all,
except the most important thing.
6
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:48,434
Please don't say "a man. "
7
00:00:48,501 --> 00:00:50,701
No, a husband!
8
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:53,667
The year was 1588,
9
00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:57,868
400 years before Kirk Gibson
would hit his famous home run.
10
00:00:57,934 --> 00:01:00,834
Queen Elizabeth ruled
over all of England.
11
00:01:00,901 --> 00:01:02,234
Every eligible bachelor
in Europe
12
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,267
wanted her handin marriage.
13
00:01:04,334 --> 00:01:06,434
Majesty, thy
suitors await.
14
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,200
I don't understand
why I need a king.
15
00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:09,701
So you can
pump out a son,
16
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:12,267
and then I don't gotta work
for no broad no more...
17
00:01:12,334 --> 00:01:13,968
um... my liege.
18
00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,801
Announcing Prince Ralph
of Austria!
19
00:01:17,601 --> 00:01:19,734
Off with my head!
20
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:20,667
Pass.
21
00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:23,100
King Julio of Spain!
22
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:26,567
Hello, Queenie baby.
23
00:01:26,634 --> 00:01:27,968
Forget it.
24
00:01:28,033 --> 00:01:30,667
I've seen you making
goo-goo eyes at my court jester.
25
00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:33,467
Well, I like a man
who can make me laugh.
26
00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:36,234
But for you, I'll make
an exception.
27
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,801
Hands off my harlequin!
28
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:41,400
This is 1588, and his material
is fresh and hip.
29
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:44,133
You have made
a big mistake, lady!
30
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,367
His Excellency,
31
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:48,000
Sir Walter Raleigh.
32
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:54,701
Your Majesty, I have returned
from the New World
33
00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:57,400
with a gift; this healthful
and slimming herb...
34
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,701
tobacco.
35
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:05,334
Whoo...
36
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,934
Whoa!
37
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,534
If I ever have sex,
this will be great afterwards.
38
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,501
I'll show those
uppity English food-boilers.
39
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:16,834
What is the status
of my armada?!
40
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:18,133
A hundred and 20
41
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,033
of the finest killing
machines ever built.
42
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,067
Ooh, not bad.
Not bad at all!
43
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:23,634
Now take me
to the real ones.
44
00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:25,334
Those are the real ones.
45
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,501
Watch out, England!
46
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:27,968
No, have mercy,
Milord!
47
00:02:28,033 --> 00:02:28,934
Never!
48
00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:30,734
Guards, take him away
49
00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:32,267
and put things
inside of him!
50
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,601
Nice things?
51
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,300
No, not nice things!
52
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,801
Allow me.
53
00:02:43,167 --> 00:02:45,901
Ooh, you have
the strength of a plow horse,
54
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:50,033
but the charm
of a cart horse!
55
00:02:51,334 --> 00:02:52,267
Treason!
56
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:53,901
How dare you make out
57
00:02:53,968 --> 00:02:56,734
under my crenellations
while I make out not?
58
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,934
Don't you know that I love you?!
59
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,901
I've always loved you!
60
00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:04,400
Um, which one of us
are you talking to?
61
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,667
I'm not sure.
62
00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:07,667
Both, neither.
What difference does it make?
63
00:03:07,734 --> 00:03:09,100
Take them to the tower!
64
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:11,133
Whoa, someone call Beowulf!
65
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,434
Grendel got in again!
66
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:16,167
Oh, it's you, Your Majesty.
67
00:03:16,234 --> 00:03:19,834
The, uh, the
Spanish Armada sails for England.
68
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:21,467
Armada?
What's Armada?
69
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:22,667
Nothing.
What's armada with you?
70
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:25,934
Seriously, though,
we're in real trouble here.
71
00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:29,133
Come, Tea Biscuit!
72
00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:41,067
The time of battle
grows nigh.
73
00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:43,300
So, here's us...
74
00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:45,067
and a whole lot of them.
75
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:46,534
It's probably
a little too early
76
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,734
to be standing
under this.
77
00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:54,067
Lord Jesus, although our country
turned Protestant
78
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:57,601
for the sole reason that our
fat, mean king could dump
79
00:03:57,667 --> 00:04:01,634
his faithful wife, we know
you're on our side.
80
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:03,801
So please destroy
these horrible monsters
81
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,901
who believe your mother
should be revered.
82
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:08,167
Amen.
83
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:16,267
Abandon ship!
84
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,334
Normally, I love to see flaming
dreamboats heading my way,
85
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,033
but not like this, baby,
not like this!
86
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,534
For destroying
the Spanish Armada,
87
00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:37,567
I dub thee "Sir,"
Sir Walter Raleigh.
88
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:39,701
And I grant you two my blessing.
89
00:04:42,767 --> 00:04:45,200
Your Majesty,
it's so kind of you
90
00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:47,801
to give up the one man
you truly love.
91
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,501
I don't need a man
for I have England!
92
00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:52,502
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
93
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,100
You keep soaking.
94
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,801
We're going to Koo Koo Roo,
95
00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:59,901
which in our language
means nothing.
96
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:03,000
Lisa, you are going
to look so pretty.
97
00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,400
Thank you, but I know a story
98
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,834
of a dangerous obsession
with female beauty.
99
00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:11,300
It's called
Snow White and the Seven...
100
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,501
Excuse me! The story
you're about to tell is
101
00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:16,167
the copyrighted property
of The Walt Disney Corporation.
102
00:05:16,234 --> 00:05:18,300
Can you sharpen these?
103
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,167
Excuse me,
but Snow White is a fairytale
104
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:22,234
from hundreds of years ago.
No one owns that.
105
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,467
Are there any dwarves
in your story?
106
00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,767
Yes, but they're my own
original creation.
107
00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:29,133
There's Crabby...
108
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,067
Drunky...
109
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:31,067
Hungry!
110
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,100
Greedy!
111
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,434
Lenny!
112
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:34,701
Kearney!
113
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,734
...and Doc... tor Hibbert.
114
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:42,400
* Ho-hi! *
115
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:47,601
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's off to work go I *
116
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:51,534
* This song's not like any song
you know, ho-hi! *
117
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,200
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi! *
118
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:59,067
Little did they know,
their lives
119
00:05:59,133 --> 00:06:01,734
were about to be changed
forever
120
00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,133
by a wicked queen.
121
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,767
HDTV on the wall,
who's the fairest one of all?
122
00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:11,801
You would do in a pinch,
my Queen,
123
00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:15,434
but Snow White's the fairest
I have seen.
124
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:18,334
Also, there's a weather girl
on channel nine who's...
125
00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:24,501
Bring me Snow White's
heart in this box.
126
00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:26,367
What'll I do
with the rest of the body?
127
00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:28,167
Put it in this box.
128
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:29,968
Then you'll get your reward.
129
00:06:38,934 --> 00:06:43,133
Now turtle, I'll need you
to get in the soup.
130
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,934
I- I-I cannot do it!
131
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,334
Run, lassie!
132
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,300
Find wee little men,
and hide with them!
133
00:07:02,367 --> 00:07:05,801
Now to fool the queen
with a pig's heart.
134
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:08,334
I- I cannot do it!
135
00:07:09,968 --> 00:07:14,567
Maybe I'll make her a heart
out of construction paper.
136
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,634
I- I-I cannot do it!
137
00:07:17,701 --> 00:07:19,133
Let's see...
138
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,634
gingerbread house...
139
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:21,634
Grandma's house...
140
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,834
Ah, here we are.
141
00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:33,100
All that walking
made me sleepy.
142
00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:39,334
This bed's too hard.
143
00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:43,601
This bed's too soft.
144
00:07:46,234 --> 00:07:50,467
And this bed is just...
145
00:07:50,534 --> 00:07:52,367
like the first one,
also too hard.
146
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:55,133
I guess I'll sleep
in the one that's too soft.
147
00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:06,501
* Ho-hi, ho-hi,
it's time to now to get high *
148
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,300
* We'll take some shrooms
and go to our rooms... *
149
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:11,868
There's something
in our house!
150
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:13,234
Let's put a pickaxe
in its brain!
151
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:14,501
You're in marketing.
152
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,100
Why do you even bring
an axe?
153
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:17,834
If you were in marketing,
you'd know.
154
00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:26,501
She's beautiful!
155
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:29,367
Hmm, maybe she's been placed
under some kind of a curse.
156
00:08:29,434 --> 00:08:32,234
And all that will wake her
is the kiss of a handsome...
157
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:33,667
I'm awake!
I'm awake already!
158
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:36,067
Guess it's you and me again,
doorknob.
159
00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:40,767
Good-bye!
160
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:43,868
Now beware
of the Evil Queen.
161
00:08:43,934 --> 00:08:45,334
She's a master
of disguise.
162
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,434
She could be anyone!
163
00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:47,501
I'll be careful.
164
00:08:58,701 --> 00:09:00,467
No, no, no,
that's too much!
165
00:09:00,534 --> 00:09:02,667
Go back outside!
166
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,033
Who are you?
167
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,934
Care for an apple?
168
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,334
Okay. Um...
I'll take a green one.
169
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,667
No, take the red one.
170
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,300
Take a bite, dearie!
171
00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:28,334
Uh-oh.
172
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,567
You'll never take me alive!
173
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:34,834
Ooh, herbivores.
174
00:09:34,901 --> 00:09:37,434
I'm so scared.
175
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:45,767
So Snow White slept and
waited for her prince to come...
176
00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:47,901
but he never did...
177
00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:50,367
because a woman shouldn't have
to depend on a man.
178
00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:53,567
Snow White was brought back
to life by a lady doctor.
179
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,767
And she lived
happily ever after?
180
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,868
Well, she couldn't indulge in
strenuous activities like handball,
181
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:00,734
but otherwise
she was fine.
182
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:01,868
That's nice.
183
00:10:04,033 --> 00:10:05,267
Marge, I need some bribe money!
184
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:07,634
Well, don't say it
so loud.
185
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:10,033
All I have are some
dry-cleaning coupons.
186
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,267
Deal.
187
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:12,767
Thanks, Marge.
188
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,834
But don't forget, there's still
gonna be a civil suit.
189
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,234
Lisa, let me tell you
the story
190
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:23,334
of a great woman held back
by a not-so-great husband...
191
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,968
Macbeth!
192
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:27,601
Out, damned spot!
Out, I say!
193
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,200
Marge, please,
If you don't like
194
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,000
getting barbecue sauce
out of a leotard,
195
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,634
why did you get
into show business?
196
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,133
Think before you do.
197
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,467
Oh! I wouldn't be stuck
washing costumes
198
00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:41,267
if my husband had a better role.
199
00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:43,701
Well, I may be playing a tree,
200
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:45,434
but at least I'm getting
my face out there.
201
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,601
Oh...
202
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:50,400
I thought I was marrying
a man who could play Macbeth.
203
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:53,501
Hey, there's no way I could
ever be as good as that guy.
204
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:55,901
Stars, hide your fires.
205
00:10:55,968 --> 00:11:00,767
Let not light see
my black and deep desires.
206
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:04,667
Mel's like the son Laurence
Olivier and John Gielgud
207
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:06,467
always wanted, but never had.
208
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:08,267
But, oh, how they tried.
209
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:12,701
I think Mel would be happier
as an understudy.
210
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:15,601
A six-feet-understudy.
211
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,968
You're not
suggesting... murder?
212
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,834
Wouldst thou live a coward
in thine own esteem,
213
00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:23,801
letting "I dare not"
wait upon "I would?"
214
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:26,467
Whatever you say, sweetie.
215
00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:33,801
Snore. Snore!
216
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:38,834
Oh, a prop knife.
217
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,501
Out, out, brief candle.
218
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:50,033
Life's but a walking shadow...
219
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,467
Why does everyone around here
talk that crazy talk?
220
00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:56,467
That "crazy talk" is the work
of the immortal Bard,
221
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:59,067
William Shakespeare.
222
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:00,701
Well, if you see him in heaven,
tell him he sucks.
223
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:06,934
As you all know,
224
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,834
this afternoon, the bone
fell out of Mel's hair
225
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:11,501
and beat him to death.
226
00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:14,167
Let us observe a moment
of silence. Moment over.
227
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,400
Homer, you got the lead.
228
00:12:20,534 --> 00:12:21,868
Stay, you imperfect speakers.
229
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:23,667
Tell me more.
230
00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:24,934
Um...
231
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:29,501
By Sinel's death,
I know I am thane of Glamis...
232
00:12:29,567 --> 00:12:33,868
Uh, To-morrow and to-morrow
and to-morrow...
233
00:12:33,934 --> 00:12:37,567
Today's Tuesday, so that would
make it Friday, and then, uh...
234
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:38,767
Shakespeare!
235
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:40,501
You don't even
know your lines!
236
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:44,334
Conrad Birdie?
Coming here to Sweet Apple?
237
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,667
That's Bye-Bye Birdie!
238
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,100
Damn it, Morpheus. Not everyone
believes what you believe.
239
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:52,200
That's the screenplay for
The Matrix Reloaded.
240
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:53,267
D'oh!
241
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,100
I can't wait
for the reviews.
242
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:03,767
Tonight the
Springfield Community Playhouse
243
00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:06,667
was bathed in the light
of a brilliant new star...
244
00:13:06,734 --> 00:13:08,901
Dr. Hibbert as Banquo?!
245
00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:10,200
Who the hell is Banquo?
246
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:13,234
He's the one getting
the good reviews.
247
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,133
Which makes him the next
one you've got to kill.
248
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,868
Wouldn't it be easier
if I just took acting lessons?
249
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,634
Screw your courage
to the sticking-place
250
00:13:20,701 --> 00:13:22,601
and we'll not fail.
251
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,067
That's inspiring.
252
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,267
What's that from?
Bull Durham?
253
00:13:25,334 --> 00:13:26,534
Macbeth!
254
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:28,167
Mac-who?
255
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:57,167
This number is
for emergencies only.
256
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,300
He who laughs last
257
00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:07,000
laughs dead.
258
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:10,334
"In last night's Macbeth,
259
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,200
"the best performance was
Barney Gumbel as Duncan,
260
00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:16,934
"followed by Duffman as MacDuff,
Lenny Leonard as Lennox,
261
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,701
"Eddie and Lou as the two
soldiers without lines,
262
00:14:19,767 --> 00:14:23,300
then, last and least,
the lead, Homer Simpson. "
263
00:14:23,367 --> 00:14:26,300
Why do they write a new review
of this play every single day?
264
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:30,033
All I heard was more names of
actors you haven't killed.
265
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,801
Unless you're
not man enough.
266
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:34,801
No, dear.
I'm a man, dear.
267
00:14:46,467 --> 00:14:48,701
* Killing makes me hungry *
268
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:51,834
* Eating makes me thirsty *
269
00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:53,534
* Drinking makes me sleepy *
270
00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:59,434
Why did he have to kill everyone
in their costumes?
271
00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:00,834
It was you
who killed us.
272
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:01,834
You!
273
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,000
No, it was Homer!
274
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:07,968
Your dark ambition guided
his murderous hand.
275
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,934
No. I just encouraged him.
276
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,033
Encouraged by withholding sex!
277
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,200
Sex...
278
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:29,234
Well, at least
you can't nag me anymore.
279
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,801
That's where you're wrong.
280
00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:33,367
Get out
on that stage!
281
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:34,434
Ow!
282
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,801
Okay, Homer, it's our
last performance,
283
00:15:37,868 --> 00:15:39,667
you're the only actor
that's still alive,
284
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,534
and there's nobody
in the audience.
285
00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:43,400
This is your moment.
286
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,234
I'll be in my office
going over the books
287
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,000
on my Subway
sandwich franchise.
288
00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:48,901
You call a sandwich
maker an artist,
289
00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:50,601
it's like an
invitation to steal!
290
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:53,234
A guy's going nani-nooni
bananas in there!
291
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,167
It's my moment.
292
00:16:00,033 --> 00:16:03,534
To-morrow, and to-morrow,
and tomorrow
293
00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:07,234
creeps in this petty pace,
from day to day,
294
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,334
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
295
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,601
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
296
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,400
the way to dusty death.
297
00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:19,033
Out, out, brief candle!
298
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:22,501
Life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player
299
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,601
that struts and frets
his hour upon the stage
300
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:27,901
and then is heard no more.
301
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:30,300
Oh, Homie.
302
00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:32,601
You were brilliant.
303
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:34,067
I knew you could do it.
304
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,267
I knew it.
305
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:38,834
Now nothing will stop you
from taking on
306
00:16:38,901 --> 00:16:40,934
all of Shakespeare's
greatest roles.
307
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,434
King Lear. Hamlet.
308
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,434
Othello.
Richard The Third.
309
00:16:45,501 --> 00:16:46,701
Henry the Fourth, Part One.
310
00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,334
Henry The Fourth, Part Two.
311
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,367
Henry The Fifth.
312
00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:50,534
Titus Andronicus.
313
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:55,567
Me having to read all those
plays would be the real tragedy.
314
00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:57,200
Oh!
315
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,034
That's it, three stories.
316
00:17:03,101 --> 00:17:04,867
That's what we always tell.
317
00:17:06,633 --> 00:17:09,800
Looks like Maggie
wants a story, too.
318
00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:10,967
Ooh.
319
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,834
"The Fountainhead. "
320
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:16,600
Mom, isn't that book the
bible of right-wing losers?
321
00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:18,900
Yeah, but the guy
on the book jacket
322
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:21,600
is one sexy slice of beefcake.
323
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:27,301
So, anyway, this is
the story of Maggie Roarke,
324
00:17:27,368 --> 00:17:30,368
an architect
who refused to compromise.
325
00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:35,167
Now, children, while I do
traffic school online,
326
00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:37,201
you'll be playing with blocks.
327
00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:44,368
Maggie's genius
and creativity
328
00:17:44,434 --> 00:17:46,667
far exceeded
that of the others.
329
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,700
And I'm not just saying
that 'cause I'm her mother.
330
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,533
But her teacher,
Mr. Ellsworth Toohey,
331
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,034
wanted every child to conform.
332
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,767
Banal. Very banal.
333
00:17:57,834 --> 00:17:59,368
Ooh, wonderfully pedestrian.
334
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,734
Oh, this isn't right.
335
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,967
Maggie, dancers
shouldn't kick too high,
336
00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:07,001
and buildings mustn't
reach the sky.
337
00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:11,001
There. Hmm...
338
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:14,001
Your rubble is still a little
bit higher than the others.
339
00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:16,434
So, let's
just... There.
340
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,667
Welcome to the
real world, baby.
341
00:18:18,734 --> 00:18:21,434
He would not let
Maggie's creativity flower.
342
00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:36,800
* *
343
00:18:56,533 --> 00:18:58,434
Mediocrity rules!
344
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,034
Alright, Maggie.
345
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:07,401
Today is parent-teacher day,
so I want everyone to see
346
00:19:07,468 --> 00:19:10,468
how uncreative and
beaten-down you've become.
347
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:13,067
That's right,
you're beaten-down.
348
00:19:13,134 --> 00:19:15,334
Yes, you are.
349
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:22,267
I don't know how you put up
with all these kids, Toohey.
350
00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:25,134
If I were you, there'd be
a lot of strangled babies.
351
00:19:25,201 --> 00:19:28,468
Now, let' see what your children
have done, shall we?
352
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:32,600
Don't brace yourselves,
you will believe your eyes.
353
00:19:34,468 --> 00:19:36,434
It...
354
00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,533
You will be tried
as a toddler.
355
00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:45,900
Babies and gentlemen
of the jury...
356
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,468
this child's crime
was to remind the rest of us
357
00:19:49,533 --> 00:19:51,201
that we are merely ordinary.
358
00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:53,767
When a blade of grass rises
above the others,
359
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,267
do we applaud it?
No, we cut it down.
360
00:19:56,334 --> 00:20:01,700
I recommend nine time-outs,
served consecutively.
361
00:20:08,334 --> 00:20:10,867
Throughout the ages,
the finger painter,
362
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,567
the Play-Doh sculptor,
the Lincoln-logger,
363
00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:15,734
stood alone against
the daycare teacher of her time.
364
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,468
She did not live
to earn approval stickers.
365
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:21,533
She lived for herself,
that she might achieve things
366
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,500
that are the glory
of all humanity.
367
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:27,101
These are my terms. I do not
care to play by any others.
368
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,001
And now, if the court
will allow me, it's nap time.
369
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:38,434
Maggie grew up to be
a world-famous architect.
370
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,101
Her building became one
of the wonders of the world.
371
00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:49,834
And on the very top floor
was a daycare center
372
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,368
where every child was free
to follow their dream.
373
00:20:53,434 --> 00:20:54,667
Because nothing is...
374
00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:55,867
Maggie, get away from there!
375
00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:59,334
Bad baby!
376
00:20:59,401 --> 00:21:02,001
Captioned by Media
Access Group at WGBH access. wgbh. org
377
00:21:07,401 --> 00:21:10,267
* Ho-hi *
378
00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:12,567
* Ho-hi, ho-hi *
379
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:15,067
* It's time to say good-bye *
380
00:21:15,134 --> 00:21:17,533
* If Disney sues,
we'll claim fair use *
381
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:21,734
* Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi *
382
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:26,301
* Ho-hi, ho-ho *
383
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,834
* There's nothing we won't try *
384
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:31,034
* We'll get take-out
and the make out *
385
00:21:31,101 --> 00:21:35,201
* We're bi,
we're bi, we're bi, we're bi. *
386
00:21:47,368 --> 00:21:49,267
Shh!
387
00:21:49,334 --> 00:21:54,767
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