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The Simpsons
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D'oh!
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Hey, kids!
I scream, you scream.
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We all scream for...
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...haircuts!
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Mom, Bart and I have been talking...
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You have?
That's so nice.
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What Lisa's trying to say is
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there's a new kids' barbershop
in the mall and we'd like
to start going there.
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A kids' barbershop?
But they don't have my templates.
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Yeah, the templates had a great run,
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but we'd like our hair
to look like people hair.
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Oh, I see.
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Well, good luck getting
to your precious mall barber
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'cause I'm not driving you.
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Kids, want to go to the mall?
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They're baking fresh Cinnabons,
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which means they're
throwing out the old ones.
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Yay!
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I guess I'll just cut my own hair.
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Who wants their hair cut?
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Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?
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Who wants their hair cut?
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Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?
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Who wants their hair cut?
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Who? Who? Who?
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Which side do you want your part on?
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Left! Right!
Stab! Stab! Stab!
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You're the boss.
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What the hell?
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Whoa!
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Oh, Bart, you look worse than
Aunt Patty in the morning.
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And there ain't nothing looks worse
than Aunt Patty in the morning.
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Next?
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Can you make me look like this?
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Whoa! My bad boy spikes!
My good girl points!
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Children, the mall will provide
you a wide range of subjects,
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while I return some socks
that appeared to be black,
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but were in reality,
a very dark blue.
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The best photographs,
or "photos,"
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will be prominently displayed in
the school lobby all year long.
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After them!
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Oh! I love you,
dumpster buns!
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Dad?
Huh?
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Oh, big surprise.
The fat guy's eating garbage.
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Come on!
We'll hide in the theater!
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Well, I guess you didn't find
anything interesting to photograph.
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Check it out.
The principal's got a shirt wiener.
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Hmm?
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Leave your body, Seymour.
Leave your body.
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Ooh! A He is Risen production.
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I wish you'd come to
church with us, sweetheart.
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Church? I'd rather play golf on
the holiest day of the week.
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Oh!
Finally, a character I can relate to.
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I bet good things happen to him.
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But, honey, with recent troubles in
the Mideast and other ominous signs,
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the Rapture could soon be upon us.
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The Rapture?
Easy there, Helen.
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Science has shown religion
is just an old wives' tale.
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I'm sorry, but the only thing
I'm praying for is that you
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take it easy on our credit cards.
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Oh, Mr. Thompson,
what if your wife finds out?
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It's modern times.
Everyone's doing it.
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Where did my Christian
limo driver go?
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My pious husband is missing.
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The baby I chose to
have baptized is gone.
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Mr. Thompson,
what's happening?
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It's the Rapture, Shauna.
The Rapture.
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The virtuous have gone to heaven and
the rest of us have been left below.
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Left below?
Where have I heard that before?
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It's the title of the movie.
It's everywhere!
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We were fools!
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And because we rejected God,
tacitly accepting Satan,
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we must suffer
through the Apocalypse.
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I thought all religions were
a path to God. I was wrong.
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Why did I put my faith
in science and technology?
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Oh, why did I choose to be gay?
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Oh! This movie will haunt
me for the rest of my life.
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Just like Cannonball Run II.
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Marge, what if the Rapture is coming
and I haven't led a good enough life?
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I could be left below.
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Sweetie, don't worry.
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God wouldn't spring the
Rapture on us unannounced.
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He'd send us signs
like, I don't know,
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all the dogs getting
on a spaceship and leaving.
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Yeah, I'll bet the cats'd
be psyched about that.
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Thanks, Marge.
You've put my mind at ease.
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Now, how about a little
rapture for Mama?
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Ooh!
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I could be the Rachel to your Jacob.
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Okay, but it's tough for me not
to think about their hardship.
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Marge is right.
The Rapture isn't coming.
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There haven't been
any ominous signs.
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Follow me.
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It's just not working out, Barry.
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Yeah, I guess I better study
for the police exam again.
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Good luck.
You, too.
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Blood is raining from the sky!
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Hang on there, big fella.
We'll save you.
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This ain't personal.
I just love to scrimshaw.
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Judgment Day is at hand.
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Can I help you?
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We're having a sale on
Bible magnifying glasses.
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Uh, do you have any
books on the Rapture?
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Yes, this one is 15 % off.
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I'll take everything you got.
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And would you like to take advantage
of our Friends of Flanders discount?
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No, thank you.
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Here's a pretty little wig for Lisa.
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And a handsome toupee for Bart.
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So, you still think I'm crazy for
saving all your hair trimmings?
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No, ma'am.
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Okay, then. Let's get the rest
of this hair back in the freezer.
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Hmm... Hmm...
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Homie, you didn't touch
your second dinner tonight.
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And you're reading books.
Word books! What's going on?
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Marge, the Rapture is nigh.
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These books will help
me figure out how nigh.
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This whole deal
is scientifically proven.
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The Book of Revelations
has 404 verses.
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Add the number of people
at the Last Supper
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minus the number
of Filipinos in the Bible,
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and you get...
Three million, 100...
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3:15 p.m., May 18th.
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That's when the Rapture will begin.
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May 18th?
That's one week from today!
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A week? That's...
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Seven days from now!
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The world will end next week!
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Spend your children's college funds!
Thaw that turkey now!
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This is Kent Brockman reporting
live from downtown Springfield,
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where overweight doomsayer
Homer Simpson is predicting
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the world will end next Wednesday.
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Homer, what turned you from
sad drunk to mad monk?
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Funny story, Kent.
It's the end of the world!
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God loves you!
He's gonna kill you!
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Here's my angle.
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There's no way in God's heaven
I should get into God's heaven.
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But maybe he'll let me in if I warn
others the Apocalypse is coming,
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as I previously shouted.
I see.
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Well, we have 30 seconds left.
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Any other cuckoo yip-yap?
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Uh... Oh!
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Here's one.
Revelation 6:13.
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"Just before the Rapture,
the stars will fall to the Earth."
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So, all you hippies out there
might wanna... for that one.
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There you have it, folks.
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And if I can make a prediction
of my own, this weekend's
Springfield Lettuce Festival
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is gonna be bigger
and better than ever!
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We've got romaine, iceberg, radicchio,
and everyone's favorite, baby bib.
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Even a few cabbages are
getting in on the fun.
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Homie, I'm glad you're
getting exercise.
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I just wish it wasn't crazy exercise.
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Marge, in a world gone mad,
only a lunatic is truly insane.
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Dad, we love you, but we
just don't think the world
is coming to an end. Yet.
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100 years, global warming,
we're goners.
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But for now, you think you could
lighten up on this "left below" stuff?
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Well, I guess this thing
does look pretty silly.
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Let's all take off our
sandwich boards and watch TV.
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Live from Springfield Stadium, it's...
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The crowd is abuzz and agog as
the celebrity blimp approaches.
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And look, here is America's
favorite waste of taxpayer dollars,
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the Blue Angels!
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What the... The Blue Angels?
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I thought we were
getting Charlie's Angels.
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Oh, God! We're going down!
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I don't want to die
next to Kathy Griffin!
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The stars are falling to the earth!
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Just as you predicted.
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Well, that's our show for tonight.
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I'd like to thank all the very
talented people who broke my fall.
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To all the fans of Los Lobos,
mucho, mucho condolences.
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Good night, everybody!
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Homer, you were right.
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That must mean you were
right about the Rapture, too.
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Yeah. I was wondering if you
could help save my soul.
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I've done stuff I ain't proud of.
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And the stuff I am
proud of is disgusting.
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But what are we supposed
to do on Wednesday?
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Lie naked on our roof?
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Because that girls' school
says I can't do that no more.
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When the time comes,
we won't be in our homes
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because we're all gonna go here.
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That's Springfield Mesa.
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It's 15 miles north, past the Warren
Harding Memorial Through-hole.
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Exactly. It came
to me in a vision,
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or maybe it was a drunken haze,
or possibly an ice cream headache.
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Well, well, well, looks like someone's
having a pre-Rapture party.
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No, Flanders.
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It's a meeting of gay
witches for abortion.
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You wouldn't be interested.
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Mmm-mmm.
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All right, everybody.
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Pair up with a Rapture buddy who will
watch your back through all eternity.
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Chief Wiggum,
wanna be my buddy?
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00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,088
What's wrong with Carl?
Trouble in paradise?
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00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,288
Dad, please don't
go through with this.
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00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,361
All through history,
self-anointed seers have
predicted the end of the world
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00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,249
and they've always been wrong.
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00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,001
But, sweetheart,
I have something they didn't have.
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A good feeling about this.
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It's all right, Lisa.
Don't go. More heaven for me.
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00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,762
Lisa's going!
We're all going!
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00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,083
Come on, Lisa. No one in this
family is being left below.
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00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,164
Wait for me! I'm a-coming.
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00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,602
Don't worry, Dad!
There's a bus coming for you!
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Drive! Drive!
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00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,567
99 minutes until we're all saved
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00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,888
99 minutes to go
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Unless it turns out
that you're not devout
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Then you're gonna be left down below
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98 minutes until we're all saved
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00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,647
98 minutes to go
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Wait for me!
Wait for me!
215
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,244
Okay, guys. Get ready.
We're just seconds away.
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00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,848
You saved us, Homer.
I can't wait!
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00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,287
I'm gonna steal God's secrets
and sell them to Satan.
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Six, five, four...
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I'm so proud of you, Homie.
220
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...two, one!
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Goodbye, stupid Earth!
222
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There appears to be some delay.
223
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,369
Huh? My watch must be
running fast. Wait for it.
224
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,046
Wait for it, wait for it.
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00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,851
Wait for it, wait for it.
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Wait for it.
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Wait for it, wait for it.
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Ha-ha!
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Life goes on.
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Please don't go!
Please!
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00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,402
Please? I command you!
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00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,088
Homie, I better start dinner.
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Oh!
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00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,847
Lisa, you still believe in me,
don't you?
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00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,807
Dad, if you'll recall, I never
believed in you, not for one second.
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Aw! That's my girl.
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Oh.
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00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,881
Hey, Nostra-dumbass,
did the Rapture come? I can't recall.
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00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,085
In fact, I can recall,
and it didn't and you suck.
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00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,163
Hey, fatwad, here's another
thing you didn't predict.
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00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,847
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
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00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,611
Oh, let's go to Moe's.
We'll walk and punch.
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Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
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Huh?
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Moe, what happened to
your eponymous tavern?
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00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,367
Yeah, funny thing that.
You said the end was coming,
247
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,046
so I sold the bar to some
Japanese businessmen
248
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,724
and gave the money to charity.
249
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,050
Now them orphans got
new skip ropes, and I end
every day smelling like eel.
250
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,169
Cats are all over me. Thank
you, though. You did me a solid.
251
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,050
Hey, there's that jerk
who tried to save us.
252
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,122
Nice Rapture, Einstein.
253
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,883
Hey, you with the tempura,
your arm broken?
254
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,447
How can people be so heartless
255
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,886
How can people be so cruel
256
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,002
Easy to be hard
257
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,163
Ten, 11, 12, 13?
258
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,962
Twelve apostles.
But Jesus was at the Last Supper, too.
259
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,611
This changes everything.
260
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,247
Multiply by seven.
Don't forget to carry the 666.
261
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,886
Wake up.
The Rapture's coming in half an hour!
262
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,281
There's no time to waste.
Marge, grill a chicken!
263
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,600
No, make sandwiches.
264
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:33,288
And some Kettle Chips would be nice.
Original, not barbecue!
265
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,849
Ah, we got school tomorrow.
Yeah. School.
266
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,406
Hmm...
267
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,608
Forget school!
We have to get to the mesa.
268
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,001
We're not going
anywhere except to bed.
269
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,286
But my prediction says...
270
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,081
You couldn't predict 6:00 at 5:30.
Now, good night.
271
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,325
Stupid family.
Won't even come to my Rapture.
272
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,042
I went to Lisa's school play,
which had serious pacing problems.
273
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,842
Three, two, one...
274
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,481
Oh, I'm wrong again!
275
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,370
I'm nothing but a big, fat...
276
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,041
Woo-hoo!
277
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,724
I was right!
278
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:34,050
And there's the Earth.
So beautiful with your many rings.
279
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,531
Homer Simpson,
welcome to heaven.
280
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,570
Now let's get you some clothes, huh?
I'm comfortable like this.
281
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,563
Yeah, well, this is heaven.
For everyone.
282
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,686
This is our nature walk,
our pedicure hut,
283
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,242
our state-of-the-art showroom,
tonight featuring Los Lobos.
284
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,084
And over there is our water slide.
285
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,606
That's coming next year.
It's gonna be super fantastic.
286
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,763
How come it's not open yet?
287
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,810
Look, just don't use leprechaun
labor, okay? Don't do it.
288
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,487
And the best part of heaven is,
289
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,848
anything you wish for,
you get, lickety-split.
290
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,121
Hmm...
291
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,680
Okay, just for that,
your room is next to the kiddy pool.
292
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,570
All right,
Mr. Smarty-Head-Exploder?
293
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,765
So, if you need further assistance,
294
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,650
just call the front desk
and ask for Andre, okay?
295
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,969
Oh, uh, sorry, I'd tip you,
but I don't have any cash.
296
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,765
You know,
you could wish for some. I could...
297
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,601
Wait. Before you go,
there's one thing I gotta know.
298
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,966
What happened to my family?
299
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:53,004
Heaven has a wide array of fine
dining just steps from your room.
300
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,242
Have a light bite at the
Pope of Sandwich Village.
301
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,847
Okay, let's see.
Earth is channel 23, I think.
302
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,607
Why didn't we listen to Dad?
303
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,401
The worst part is I'll never
see my Homie again.
304
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,723
That's the worst part?
Then I'm not doing my job.
305
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,243
I've gotta save them!
306
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,689
Homer, what's wrong?
307
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,970
Lord, you got a first-class destination
resort here. Really top-notch.
308
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,930
But I can't enjoy myself
knowing my family is suffering.
309
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,283
Don't tell me about family suffering.
310
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,761
My son went down to Earth once.
311
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,448
I don't know what you
people did to him, but he
hasn't been the same since.
312
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,481
Oh, he'll be fine.
313
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,326
And you could still spare
my family by... Pass.
314
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,361
Buddy, you just made
yourself a powerful enemy.
315
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,969
Hey, what's the big idea, pally?
316
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,166
Why so crabby?
317
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,687
Screw you, Dino!
You squandered your gift.
318
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,441
Uh-oh.
319
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,604
Squandered my gift?
I made 68 albums.
320
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,524
I'm sorry, but heaven isn't
heaven without my family in it.
321
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,730
What do you want, Homer?
322
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,211
Just send me back to Earth
323
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,362
and put off this whole
Rapture hoop-dee-doo
324
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,124
for another couple of years or so.
325
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,685
But it's already started.
326
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,764
To do what you're asking,
I'd have to turn back time.
327
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,408
Superman did it.
Fine, Mr. Smarty-Pants.
328
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,608
I will undo the Apocalypse.
329
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,567
Thanks. Listen, could you
do me one more favor?
330
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,331
You want me to help you
with your alcoholism?
331
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,448
No, I'm in a good place with that.
332
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,642
Why don't you just
take these pamphlets?
333
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,882
Yeah, I'll definitely read those later.
334
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,169
Now, listen, if you could
just see your way clear to...
335
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:20,486
Very well.
336
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,931
Deus ex machina!
337
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,921
Oh, it was all just a dream.
What? What are these wings?
338
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,321
Oh, it's just a seagull
stuck in my back.
339
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,966
Dad, we've been so
worried about you.
340
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,085
The Warren Harding Through-hole
never seemed so long.
341
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,210
Yeah, I missed you guys, too.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
342
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,729
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
343
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,361
Thank you, Lord!
It's back the way it was.
344
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,766
Ah, this is heaven.