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The Simpsons
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D'oh!
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Cool!
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Happy 3:00 in the morning, everyone.
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In a mere five hours,
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We'll be gazing at Springfield's most
exciting glacier, Springfield Glacier.
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I hope you're all wearing
glacier-appropriate clothing.
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Hey, check out my T-shirt.
It's wicked relevant.
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It's part of my Things Suck
line of clothing.
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Yes, well, while I disagree with
your T-shirt's assertion,
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I do encourage anything
that raises glacier awareness.
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Busward to adventure.
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So, Lise, ready for your trip?
Sure am.
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See you next fall.
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You make those same stupid jokes
every field trip.
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Eh, you work in the
business as long as I have,
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you're bound to repeat yourself.
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Ha! See you next fall.
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So, Edna, I, uh...
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I wrote up some possible
discussion topics for this trip.
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Oh, here's one.
I'm still in love with you. Discuss?
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Oh, Seymour, I've moved on.
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Our romance is in the history
books and there's nothing
worth highlighting. Ha!
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The Skin-man doesn't
give up that easily.
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Ooh, these icy roads
are getting pretty gnarly.
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Woah!
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Whoa!
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Whoa!
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Whoa!
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Oh, I'm not worried.
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My indemnity waivers.
Stop the bus.
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We'll just use the chains.
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I feel like I'm in Fitzcarraldo.
That movie was flawed.
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Behold, children,
the majesty of Springfield Glacier.
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Crane your necks skyward
to behold its icy glory.
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What happened to the glacier?
It's nearly melted.
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This must be due to global warming.
Young lady,
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the federal government's
position on global warming
is that it does not exist.
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This glacier's doing just fine.
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No, it isn't. It's a lump
of slush. Look at it.
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I have a little girl
just like you at home.
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That's where she stays.
At home.
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Oh, I just love it here.
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So many things,
and so many things of each thing.
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Welcome to Sprawl Mart.
Can I get you a cart or a basket?
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Grampa, you're a greet grater.
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I mean a great greeter.
Now look who's senile.
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I'll take a cart.
All right.
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Darn thing's stuck.
I'll give it a good yank.
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Gnomes!
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Oh, Dad. How I'll miss your cap,
your walking stick, your plaster base.
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I'm down here, you idiot.
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Dad! Where's your base?
Don't worry about that.
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Someone's gotta greet the customers.
Ah, they'll be fine.
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No. They're helpless without
a greeting. Look at them.
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Make me proud,
or at least less ashamed.
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I'm gonna get a glacier postcard
and send it to my nana.
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She'll be like, "No way!"
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Score.
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I'm going to exchange this
beach towel I bought at
Sequoia National Park.
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I learned too late
that it implied tumescence.
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Ah, pre-modern man.
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If these wise warriors could speak,
what would they tell us?
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They left a message right here.
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Actually carved into the rock.
Nice work, Simpson.
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Feel free to make a rubbing.
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Welcome to Sprawl Mart.
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Pimple cream in aisle five.
Buenas nachos.
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Ask about our seƱor discount.
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Hey, Rabbi, Jesus loves you.
Just kidding.
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Son, you are on fire.
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A million times better than that
worth less old coot you replaced.
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That coot happens to be my father.
Please continue.
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How would you like to be a
full-time Sprawl Mart greeter?
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Is there a chance for advancement?
No.
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Whoo-hoo!
No pressure.
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Evidence suggests that this
Ice Age female was alone
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when she fell into a crevasse.
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Dying alone, huh?
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Terrible fate to befall any woman,
Ice Age or modern day.
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Seymour, I will now
demonstrate how over you I am.
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See that man?
Take note of how he's not you.
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Now watch.
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So, is there a
Mrs. Park Ranger Johnson?
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No, ma'am. I'm married to the glacier.
But, uh, it's an open marriage.
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Then bring it, fool.
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Oh, for goodness sake.
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You've moved on, have you?
Well, so have I.
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Hmm.
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Mmm. Just play along.
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Listen, people.
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How can you stand there eating
snacks and being children
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when the world's
glaciers are vanishing?
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We have to do something about it.
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Glaciers are nature's alarm clock,
and it's time for us to wake up.
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Can there be any doubt that
the culprit is greenhouse gas
produced by man?
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The only gas is
coming from Lisa's butt.
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People, please.
I'm talking about toxic vapors.
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Emanations.
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Miasmas.
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Hey, whoever's doing that,
get off the frequency.
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We're combing the woods.
There's a killer loose out here.
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Aw, let him do it, Chief.
It lightens the mood.
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Oh, my God!
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That used to be a face.
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Bart!
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Help. I'm sinking
in the lake.
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You mean you're
walking on the glacier.
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Whatever.
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Check it out.
That frog has a nerd on its butt.
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Bart, you are the meanest,
nastiest little boy that ever lived.
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Hey, there's a dog in the
next car looking at me.
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Hey, dog.
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You don't even care how upset I am!
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This time, you have
gone too far.
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What are you gonna do,
tell Mom and Dad?
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They're powerless figureheads.
You'll see.
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Oh, you will see.
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Good morning, world.
Eat my shorts.
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There'll be no shorts eaten today,
young man.
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Bart Simpson, this
is a restraining order.
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From now on, you must stay at
least 20 feet away from your sister.
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Restraining order?
Bull spit.
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No piece of paper keeps me
from waling on my sister.
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So you see what happens when you
don't obey your restraining order?
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Yes, Chief Wiggum.
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And, Snake, do you see what happens
when you kidnap the President?
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Yes, Chief Wiggum.
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And, Lou, do you see what happens
when my coffee comes back cold?
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Chief, you ordered an ice coffee.
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No, I said a nice
coffee. Nice.
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Lisa, you took out a restraining
order against your own brother?
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Yes. The clerk also gave me this
bench warrant for Dad's arrest.
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Aw, damn it.
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Chief, how are we supposed to live
with our kids constantly separated?
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Hey, I don't make the laws,
I just something with them.
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Look, this videotape should
answer all your questions.
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Hi, I'm Gary Busey.
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I'm here to explain
about restraining orders.
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The answers to all your
questions are in this video.
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Meet Joe. Last name, Spaghetti-O.
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One night, Joe went to a party and
fell in love with a girl named Mary.
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Man, I've been there.
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At first, Joe
felt discouraged,
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but then he remembered
what his father taught him.
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"Never say die, quitters never
prosper, and no means yes."
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Oh!
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The next day, Mary got a
restraining order against Joe.
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Oh!
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Now Joe can't come
within 500 feet of Mary.
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He also can't call her or burn
his name in gas on her lawn.
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I'm going to let you in on
a little secret. Joe is me.
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And Mary is a composite
of 12 different women
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and a small independent
film company,
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all of whom couldn't deal
with me because I'm too real.
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I always hoped we wouldn't be
one of those restraining order families.
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How am I supposed to know
if I'm 20 feet away?
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Don't worry, son. No one's
going to make you count to 20.
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I have a more humane solution.
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This 20-foot pole will make
Bart's restraining order,
oh, so easy to enforce.
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And I used my Sprawl Mart employee
discount to buy this fancy pole cover.
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It'll keep your pole looking great,
poke after poke after poke.
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Poke.
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Hey, this really works.
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Homer, why did you put
the screwdriver at the end?
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Show you what it's like
in the real world.
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Bart, because of your
sister's restraining order,
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there is no place in this
school you can legally occupy
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without violating your order.
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Observe.
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A.M. kindergarten made the Bart doll.
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P.M. kindergarten made the Lisa.
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The point is, we're not allowed
to have you in this building.
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Well, I've never been
one to break the law.
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So long, Seymour.
Give me a jingle sometime.
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I Will,
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but there is one place
on school property
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That falls outside
all laws of man or God.
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No, you don't mean...
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Oh, this place smells,
and something's dripping on me.
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The smell is manure,
and the dripping's manure.
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Now turn to chapter one
of Math Safari.
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00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,444
But we're already on chapter seven.
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Then you'll be teaching Willie.
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00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,847
I'm afraid your arm has sustained
extensive nerve damage.
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The only cure is
this anti-poking potion.
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OOPS!
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Missed the vein.
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Dang, missed it again.
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00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,445
Sorry, I'm distracted.
191
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,525
My housekeeper is suing
me for sexual harassment.
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00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,047
She hung the mistletoe.
What was I supposed to do?
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I like eating here with you, Dad,
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especially without,
"Don't have a cow, man."
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00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:40,201
Yeah, he's all, "Cowabunga, dude."
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00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,011
I mean, what's that mean?
Nothing, I bet.
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00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,130
Oh, need more soda.
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00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,924
Homer, would you be interested in
the position of executive greeter?
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00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,085
Woo-hoo! That's been my dream ever
since I heard it existed right now.
200
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,161
What do I get?
201
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,925
You get to work overtime
without us paying you extra.
202
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,286
I won't do it.
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00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,926
If you don't,
we'll ship you right back to Mexico.
204
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,849
But I'm a US citizen.
205
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,684
Uh-huh.
How sure of that are you?
206
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,805
I can't take it anymore.
Every time I try to relax, she...
207
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,041
Ow! My neck.
208
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,124
Can't I even finish my milk?
209
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,931
Please lift this
restraining order, Judge Harm.
210
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,048
It's poking our family apart.
211
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,884
Bart, do you have anything to say?
212
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,726
My sister has no sense of humor.
I'm sure you understand.
213
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,406
It's why you became a judge
instead of finding a husband.
214
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,720
I have a husband.
215
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,290
What is he,
blind and deaf?
216
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,847
From now on, the restraining
order is set at 200 feet.
217
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,723
That's 61 meters.
218
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,007
Oh!
Sacrebleu!
219
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,526
Sorry, boy.
220
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,525
This is the only place that's 200 feet
from Lisa but still on our property.
221
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,601
Oh!
222
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,728
It's pretty scary out here, Dad.
223
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,406
Dad?
224
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,328
Well, I bet they miss me.
225
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,491
Hmm. Well, could be worse.
226
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,371
Bart, Lisa went over to Janey's.
227
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,727
Quick, run inside and go potty.
228
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,401
Hmm.
229
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,529
Why should I go inside?
The world is my toilet now.
230
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,245
Hey, Why'd you lock the door?
We're still inside.
231
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,483
It's a chance for you to catch up on
all the work I'm assigning you now.
232
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,767
I never worked all night, never.
233
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,286
And I worked at an all-night
diner for three years.
234
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,320
I slept on the grill.
235
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,721
See this?
It's the bathroom key.
236
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,445
See you in the morning.
237
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,846
You monster!
238
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:35,007
We placed a compliance chip
in the back of your neck
during the company physical.
239
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,005
That's it, mister.
I am disgruntled.
240
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,845
And up until now,
I was relatively gruntled.
241
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,003
Oh, better increase the juice.
242
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,889
Wait.
243
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,690
I did it. I pulled it out.
244
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,889
And with no brain damage...
245
00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:02,081
Now we'll get all your chips out, go to
the police and shut this place down.
246
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,242
Homer, we took our
chips out years ago.
247
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,800
Really?
Then why do you still work here?
248
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,446
We've learned to accept
the things we cannot change
249
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,363
and steal everything
that's not nailed down.
250
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,762
I hope you won't judge us harshly.
251
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,002
I'll be back for tall kitchen bags.
252
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,003
Lisa, don't you think your
brother's suffered enough?
253
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:01,005
Mom, I don't mean to be mean,
but every time I think about
forgiving him,
254
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,606
I remember all the bad
things he's done to me.
255
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,763
He's done good things for you, too.
Name three.
256
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,923
Mmm. He brought home your
homework when you were sick.
257
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,810
Yes, but he thought
that was a bad thing.
258
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,531
Let's count it anyway.
Hmm.
259
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,046
He did try to cheer me up
when my hamster died.
260
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,766
Homer, you forgot
to eat your hot dog.
261
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,361
Mmm.
262
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,090
Hotdog.
263
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,127
Ow!
264
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,806
Ow! Ow!
265
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,291
What the...
266
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,966
Ow! Ow!
267
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,410
Ow!
268
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,887
I just don't understand
what the problem is.
269
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,051
Okay, that's two,
and that's it.
270
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,566
If I think of another one,
I'll let him back in.
271
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,450
Stupid, selfish Bart.
272
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,331
Like he's ever going to do
another nice thing for me.
273
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,722
He's building a me.
274
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,889
Well, I mean, it's a little
American-primitive,
275
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,247
but who am I to dismiss outsider art?
276
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,483
It shows he misses me,
and this is the third thing.
277
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,442
Lise, just let me be.
278
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,404
Look in your heart.
I'm begging you, look in your heart.
279
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,165
Bart, don't worry.
I'm relinquishing the poke pole.
280
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,566
What does that mean,
you're sharpening it?
281
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,041
Look in your heart.
I'm begging you. Look in your heart.
282
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,525
I'm not sharpening it.
283
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,886
Are you putting feces on the tip?
284
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,849
No, I'm giving it up.
285
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,369
I've realized how much I missed you,
286
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:57,162
and I can see from this
magnificent Lisa statue
that you felt the same way.
287
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,042
Oh, uh... Yeah.
288
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,441
When you're right,
you're right. Let's eat.
289
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,729
Yo, Bart, we're ready to torch
the Wicker Witch of the West.
290
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,406
Jimbo, the real one's here.
291
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:12,610
Oh, man. This is every
effigist's worst nightmare.
292
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:18,363
Bart, you were going to burn the third
nice thing you've ever done for me?
293
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:24,925
Well, you see, the fire
represents your musical ability.
294
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,562
Oh, Bart, I missed your lies.
295
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,166
And I was kind
of a pill, I guess.
296
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,086
Lisa, you just poked my feelings.
I'm sorry, too.
297
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,724
Give me that torch.