1
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,759
{\an8}<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,140
(chalk screeches)

3
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(bell rings)

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(work whistle blows)

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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)

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(jazzy solo)

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(tires screech)

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(tires screeching)

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(horn honks)

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(tires screech)

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D'oh!

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-Aah!
-(tires screech)

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{\an8}(laughing)
Why, Homer, you silly goose,

14
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{\an8}the weed whacker's just
for the edges.

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{\an8}-You're gonna be out here all day.
-I'm almost done.

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{\an8}You are a picture and a half.
(chuckles)

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{\an8}Well, if you're finished
by tomorrow, come on over

18
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{\an8}and strap on the feedbag.
We're gonna fire up

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{\an8}ol' Propane Elaine
and put the heat to the meat.

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{\an8}-Nummy-nummy-num!
-I'll be there!

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{\an8}Notty-notty-not.

22
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{\an8}"The Flanders are having
a beef-a-thon!

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{\an8}Incredible Nedibles!
Maudacious Vittles!"

24
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{\an8}Hmm, I think it means
he's having a barbecue.

25
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{\an8}Well, why doesn't
he just say so?

26
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{\an8}He's trying to be friendly.

27
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{\an8}You know, if you gave
Ned Flanders a chance--

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{\an8}Oh, here we go again.
Look, I don't care

29
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{\an8}if Ned Flanders is
the nicest guy in the world.

30
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{\an8}He's a jerk.
End of story.

31
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{\an8}Well, we can't
hold it against him

32
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{\an8}just because he has things
a little better than we do.

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{\an8}Excuse me? Better?

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Thanks a lot, Marge.
You really put me in my place.

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-Oh, Homer.
-Don't get me wrong.

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It's worth feeling
three inches tall

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to find out what kind
of a person you really are,

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Marge Simpson,

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president of the international
"We Love Flanders" Fan Club!

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(both growling)

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Fee, fie, foe, fum!

42
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I smell the potatoes au gratin

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of Marge Simpson.

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Mm-mm-mm-mmm!

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Hi, Ned.

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Um... Homer sends
his apologies

47
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but, um...

48
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there was some important work
at the plant

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that only he
could take care of.

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{\an8}MAN (on TV):<i> We now return you</i>
<i>to exciting 15th-round action</i>

51
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{\an8}<i>at the Canadian Football</i>
<i>League draft.</i>

52
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<i>And so, the Saskatchewan</i>
<i>Rough Riders,</i>

53
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<i>who scored only four rouges</i>
<i>all last season, Jack...</i>

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Stupid Flanders.

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Go ahead, Marge.

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Have a ball.

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What if they came back

58
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and I was dead from not eating?

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They'd cry their eyes out.

60
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"We should have never gone
to the Flanders'.

61
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"Oh, why did we go
to the Flanders' house

62
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and leave Homer alone
with no food?"

63
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And I'd be laughing--
laughing from my grave.

64
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Heh, heh, heh.

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(sizzling)

66
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(barks)

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What is it, boy? What?

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(sniffs)

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Mmm.

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Barbecue.

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(both panting)

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Ahh.

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Mmm.

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Hey, everyone, I'm back.
Nice to see you. Nice to meet you.

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-Hey!
-Oh!

76
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Hey, hey, Homer!

77
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-(muttering)
-Okay. Thanks for coming.

78
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-You're it.
-Electricity.

79
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No electricity.
Electricity only in freeze tag.

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Okay. Now you're it!

81
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-Hey! No tag-backs!
-Yeah, you cheater.

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You lie like a fly
with a booger in its eye.

83
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(chuckling)
The fly was funny,

84
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and the booger
was the icing on the cake.

85
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Friends, we love you all,

86
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,412
but I also have
a sinister motive

87
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,868
for asking you all here--

88
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sinister being Latin
for left-handed.

89
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(chuckling)
But enough joking.

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-That was a joke?
-Shh!

91
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As of Friday,

92
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,175
I'm saying toodle-loo
to the pharmaceutical game.

93
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,429
-Leaving? I can't believe it.
-What's he talkin' about?

94
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:25,601
No, I kid you not. Here's the noose
I had to wear for ten years.

95
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,022
-(oohs and ahhs)
-(applause)

96
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,641
What are you going to do, Ned?

97
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,807
Well, sir, like one out
of every nine Americans,

98
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I'm left-handed,
and let me tell you

99
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it ain't all peaches
and cream.

100
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Your writing gets smeared,

101
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,989
Lord help you if you want to
drive a standard transmission.

102
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-Amen to that.
-Well, sir,

103
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I'm opening up
a one-stop store for southpaws.

104
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Everything from
left-handed apple peelers

105
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to left-handed zithers.

106
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Going to call it
"The Leftorium."

107
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-(oohs and ahhs)
-(applause)

108
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So, Homer,
I'm dying to know.

109
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What do you think
of The Leftorium?

110
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It sounds like
a pretty dumb idea to me.

111
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Well, I know it's
a little risky,

112
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and it's going to be
a lot of hard work,

113
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but, gosh darn it, it's going
to be a lot of fun too.

114
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Fun? Where is this store,
Flanders?

115
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The merry old Land of Oz?

116
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Oh, no. The Springfield Mall.

117
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-Oh, here, you two, make a wish.
-Nah!

118
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-It's fun.
-No, it isn't.

119
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Hey, you must have something
you want to wish for, Homer.

120
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Hmm, let's see...

121
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Nah.

122
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Hmm...

123
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-Hey!
-Come on, Homer.

124
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I've got an ambition
to do some wishin'.

125
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Keep your pants on,
Flanders!

126
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,791
I'm wishing as fast as I can!

127
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Ooh!

128
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:43,054
Heh, heh, heh, heh.

129
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Eh... too far.

130
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Hmm...

131
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Okay, ready.

132
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Yes! Oh, yes!

133
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Read it and weep!
In your face!

134
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-I've got more chicken bone!
-What did you wish for, Homer?

135
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No! No, no, no.
Don't say.

136
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,278
Otherwise,
it won't come true.

137
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,030
Ooh, that would be a shame.

138
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,077
Wouldn't it, Flanders?

139
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(sinister laughter)

140
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(maniacal laughter)

141
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(choking)

142
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(Homer coughs, exhales)

143
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<i>♪ They fight and fight ♪</i>

144
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,887
<i>♪ They fight</i>
<i>and fight and fight ♪</i>

145
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<i>♪ Fight-fight-fight,</i>
<i>fight-fight-fight ♪</i>

146
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,312
<i>♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪</i>

147
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:39,726
<i>("O Sole Mio" playing)</i>

148
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<i>Mmm.</i>

149
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,403
<i>(gasping)</i>

150
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,357
<i>(screaming)</i>

151
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,326
<i>♪ Dum-da-dah... ♪</i>

152
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,329
<i>Duh!</i>

153
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,160
<i>(snickering)</i>

154
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,036
(laughing)

155
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,463
Bart!

156
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,041
How many hours a day
do you watch TV?

157
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,797
Six-- seven if there's
something good on.

158
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:05,049
Don't you think you should get a little
fresh air and maybe some exercise?

159
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,143
Yeah, but what are
you going to do?

160
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,258
Marge, TV gives so much
and asks so little.

161
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,055
It's a boy's best friend.

162
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,469
That's the problem.

163
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Even as we speak,

164
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,852
millions of children
are staring at the TV,

165
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,806
instead of getting
some much-needed exercise.

166
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:22,067
Those children's parents should be
ashamed of themselves.

167
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,360
<i>(gong sounds on TV)</i>

168
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,033
<i>Hello, I am Akira. Huah!</i>

169
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,782
<i>That didn't hurt very much</i>

170
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,324
<i>because I know the ancient art</i>
<i>of karate.</i>

171
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:34,448
<i>Karate focuses the mind</i>
<i>and gives one self-confidence.</i>

172
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<i>People from all walks of life:</i>

173
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<i>-Doctors.</i>
<i>-Hi-yah!</i>

174
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,171
<i>-Homemakers.</i>
<i>-Hu-yah!</i>

175
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,801
<i>-Landscape architects.</i>
<i>-Huh-yah!</i>

176
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,549
<i>-Choreographers.</i>
<i>-Haww.</i>

177
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{\an8}<i>AKIRA: High karate</i>
<i>at low, low prices.</i>

178
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{\an8}<i>I cannot tell a lie.</i>

179
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,100
{\an8}<i>This is a great deal. Hohh!</i>

180
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,469
{\an8}-ALL: <i>Ha!</i>
<i>-(gong sounds)</i>

181
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,385
Hey, Mom, how about
if I learn karate?

182
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,024
Will that make you happy?

183
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,730
That sounds fine, Bart.

184
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,610
See, Marge, you knock TV,
and then it helps you out.

185
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,608
I think you owe somebody
a little apology.

186
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:04,731
(grumbles)

187
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,400
(cries out)

188
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,488
Well, if it isn't
The Leftorium.

189
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,696
Hey, Flanders,
how's business?

190
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:17,957
Oh, a little pokey

191
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,289
but things are going
to pick up.

192
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:20,543
-(crash)
-Ooh! Oh!

193
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,075
I am so sorry.

194
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,838
How much do I owe you?

195
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,170
Now, you put that money away.
That was an accident.

196
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:27,505
Really?

197
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,550
Well, thanks.

198
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,893
Could you validate my parking?

199
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:33,928
Absitively posolutely.
(chuckles)

200
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,313
So, Flanders,
have you sold anything?

201
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,730
Not yet, but one
of the mall security guards

202
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,439
took a good long look

203
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,690
-at a left-handed ice cream scoop.
-(scoffs)

204
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,652
Greetings, I am Akira,

205
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,282
your guide on the path
to true karate.

206
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,240
And this is our map,
<i>The Art of War</i> by Sun-Tzu.

207
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,121
It will teach us
our most important lesson.

208
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,949
We learn karate
so that we need never use it.

209
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,325
Um, excuse me sir.

210
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,291
I already know
how not to hit a guy.

211
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,252
Can we break out
the nunchukas?

212
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,832
Yes, the impetuousness
of youth.

213
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,628
-For now, let us read.
-Akira, my good man,

214
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,302
when do we break blocks
of ice with our heads?

215
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,841
First you must fill your head
with wisdom.

216
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,255
Then, you can hit ice with it.

217
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,643
Yo, Sensei,
can I go to the bathroom?

218
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,849
You can
if you believe you can.

219
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,600
Pay money to read books.

220
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,352
(scoffs)
The hell with this.

221
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:22,773
<i>(grunting)</i>

222
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,363
Come on. Touch of death!
Touch of death! Touch of death!

223
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,609
<i>Touch of death.</i>

224
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,151
<i>(ghostly moaning)</i>

225
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,525
(laughing)

226
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,031
(Homer laughing)

227
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,743
I'm telling you,

228
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,533
Flanders' store was dee-serted.

229
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,367
So, what do you think of your
bestest buddy now, Marge?

230
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,423
-(Marge grumbles)
-Dad, do you know what <i>schadenfreude</i> is?

231
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:45,288
No, I do not know
what <i>schadenfreude</i> is.

232
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,046
Please tell me,
because I'm dying to know.

233
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,629
It's a German term
for "shameful joy."

234
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,545
Taking pleasure
in the suffering of others.

235
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:57,473
Oh, come on, Lisa. I'm just
glad to see him fall flat on his butt.

236
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,675
He's usually all happy
and comfortable

237
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,015
and surrounded by loved ones,
and it makes me feel--

238
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,812
What's the opposite of that
"shameful joy" thing of yours?

239
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:05,935
{\an8}Sour grapes.

240
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,652
{\an8}Boy, those Germans have
a word for everything.

241
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,943
So Bart, what did you learn
in karate school today?

242
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,607
Yeah, come on, boy, this better
be worth my ten bucks.

243
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,526
Uh... I learned
the touch of death.

244
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,156
-Ooh, the touch of death.
-Permit me to demonstrate.

245
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:22,793
Lisa, shut your eyes.
Soon you will be at peace.

246
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,292
-Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it. Hey!
-(Bart vocalizing)

247
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,464
Quit it! Quit it!
Quit it! Quit it! Mom!

248
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,053
Bart, don't use the touch
of death on your sister.

249
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,759
<i>(screaming)</i>

250
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,419
<i>♪ They fought and fit ♪</i>

251
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:34,967
<i>♪ They fought</i>
<i>and fought and fit ♪</i>

252
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,591
<i>♪ Fought-fought-fought,</i>
<i>fit-fit-fit ♪</i>

253
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,597
<i>♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪</i>

254
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,639
Uh-oh! Got to get back
to karate class.

255
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,096
(grunts)

256
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,194
-Missed a spot.
-Dopey kid.

257
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,476
Alright, coming through.
Outta my way. Move it or lose it.

258
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:51,355
-Step aside, lady.
-Mmm, baby.

259
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,897
Hey, boy.
How was class?

260
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,697
Today, we learned how
to rip a man's heart out

261
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,821
and show it to him
before he dies.

262
00:10:58,908 --> 00:10:59,948
Ooh, that will learn him.

263
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,913
What did you swipe?

264
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,576
An "I Love Lefty" shot-glass.

265
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,375
-Left-handed pinking shears.
-Pinking shears?

266
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:11,129
Let's go to the food court
and steal some baked potatoes.

267
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,802
(glass shatters)

268
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,550
Hey, Flanders,
when are your busy hours?

269
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,643
Oh, I expect things to start
picking up soon.

270
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,809
Yeah, I think word of mouth
is starting to spread.

271
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,479
{\an8}Hey, I hear you validate
parking tickets without purchase.

272
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,388
Oh, right as rain.

273
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,807
Or as we say around here,
"left as rain." (chuckles)

274
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,816
-Just stamp the ticket.
-Okay.

275
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,359
(gulping)

276
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,363
Hey, Homer, how's your
neighbor's store doing?

277
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,566
Lousy.
He just sits there all day.

278
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,328
He'd have a great job
if he didn't own the place.

279
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,041
(laughing)

280
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,751
Crummy right-handed corkscrews.

281
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,172
What does he sell?

282
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,000
Uh, well, actually, Moe, uh...

283
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:54,671
I don't know.

284
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,585
<i>(chattering on TV)</i>

285
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,304
-Hey, Lise, change the channel.
-You change it.

286
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,095
-(vocalizing)
-Okay, okay.

287
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,720
<i>(gunshots and sirens on TV)</i>

288
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,807
I grow weary
of this new channel.

289
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,812
-Change it back.
-But, Bart...

290
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,694
(vocalizing)

291
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:13,861
Apple... apple... apple...

292
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,941
Come on, candy bar.

293
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,696
Hey, I know you.
You're that first apple I didn't want!

294
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,659
That sinks it.

295
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,780
I'm really going
to let them have it this time.

296
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:32,083
Simpson, put that box
on Mr. Burns' desk.

297
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,248
Chop-chop!

298
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:34,995
(grunting)

299
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,337
Oh, look, Smithers

300
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,884
another member
of our nuclear family

301
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,297
with some helpful
suggestions.

302
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,755
And what's your name?

303
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,005
Homer Simpson, sir.

304
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,886
Simpson, eh?
Mm-hmm. I'm Monty Burns.

305
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,694
Ehh...

306
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,269
"Keep that handsome owner
out of sight.

307
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,654
He's distracting
the female employees."

308
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,112
(chuckles)
Smithers?

309
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,942
Got me, sir.
(chuckles)

310
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,947
Oh, it's a real one.

311
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,319
"No more apples
in the vending machine, please."

312
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,697
Well, that's almost a sentence.
(laughs)

313
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,785
-Can I leave, Mr. Burns?
-Oh, of course, and don't worry,

314
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,791
there will be plenty
of apples for you.

315
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,964
Nobody will take away
your precious apples.

316
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,844
But the note was
asking you to...

317
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,881
No, no, no!
Tell my secretary

318
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,934
I said you could have
a free apple.

319
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:24,758
She'll make everything all right,
I promise. (chuckles)

320
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,755
(grunting)

321
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,887
Damned infernal gizmo.

322
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,064
My kingdom for
a left-handed can opener!

323
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,653
Uh, Mr. Burns?

324
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,519
Come on, Homer,
tell him about the store.

325
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:37,897
I'm dying out here.

326
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,443
Sorry, Flanders.

327
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,073
Huh?

328
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,618
Are you sure
you're not interested?

329
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,579
$200 is only
the asking price.

330
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,371
-Sorry, Ned.
-Hey, I'm flexible.

331
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,714
You don't have to pay
all at once.

332
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,580
I'll be here all night,
if you change your mind.

333
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,668
Hey, Flanders,
is everything okay?

334
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:00,013
Oh, yeah, sure. Thought I'd just
get rid of some of the clutter.

335
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,719
See anything you like?

336
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,299
Oh, I get it.
It's not good enough for you,

337
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,215
but it's good enough for me?

338
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:09,223
Well, I wouldn't be caught
dead buying this-- Hello.

339
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,476
Got your eye on
the gas grill, huh?

340
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,979
-She's a butane beaut.
-I'll give you 20 bucks for it.

341
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:18,441
Twenty? Homer, I paid $300
for this just last year.

342
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,734
You were swindled, my friend.
Twenty bucks. Take it or leave it.

343
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:23,108
-Oh, Homer, be reasonable.
-Sorry!

344
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,775
No cash for Neddy.
Homer keep all money.

345
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,985
Bye-bye, Neddy. Bye-bye.

346
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,985
(sighs)
All right, Homer.

347
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,577
-$20?
-$20.

348
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,042
-Now I don't want it.
-What?

349
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,172
I changed my mind.
It was a passing fancy.

350
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,499
Although, perhaps if you
threw in a few lawn chairs,

351
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:41,455
maybe that tool bench,
it might rekindle my interest.

352
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,144
Hey, Bartely-boobely.
Care for a steakarooni?

353
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,298
Sounds scrum-diddley-umptious,
dear old duddely-doodely.

354
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:52,557
-(laughing) Duddely-doodely.
-(both laugh)

355
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,061
Homer, this is the Flanders'
entire living room set.

356
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,564
How much did you pay
for this?

357
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:58,395
Only 75 beans.

358
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,280
$75? Ned must be desperate.

359
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,818
I'm sure you did nothing
to discourage this,

360
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,953
you scavenger of human misery.

361
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,370
Hey! Keep your hands off
my china hutch.

362
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,989
<i>♪ Let's go</i>
<i>to Barney's Bowl-er-ama... ♪</i>

363
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,907
(doorbell ringing)

364
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:17,076
Good afternoon, sir.
I'm Chuck Ellis

365
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,166
from the Springfield
Collection Agency,

366
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,541
and I'm here to ask you
why you don't think

367
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,378
you need to pay your bills.

368
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:25,843
Oh, I know I need to pay them,
but there's just so many.

369
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,215
Does it make you feel good about
yourself to owe people money?

370
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,852
We've been very patient
with you, Mr. Flanders.

371
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,850
I know, but--
Wait a minute.

372
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,182
I'm Homer Simpson.

373
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,976
Ned Flanders lives over there.

374
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:39,400
-Oh.
-Flanders is in debt? Are you sure?

375
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,770
We don't make mistakes.

376
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,067
Damned right-handed ledgers.

377
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,781
-I can't write in these things.
-Why, there's a store where you--

378
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,662
-Hey, you said you're Homer Simpson?
-Yeah.

379
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,739
-See you on Thursday.
-D'oh!

380
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,954
Knock 'em dead, boy.

381
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,405
Kid's going to be
a black belt in no time.

382
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,406
(gasping)

383
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,498
(crying)

384
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,384
Ohh...

385
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,298
♪♪

386
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,057
Hey, check out the saxophone.

387
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,928
Pretty boss, but there's
something stuck on it.

388
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,056
Hey!

389
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,442
(plays sour notes)

390
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,899
Hey, look at me.

391
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,149
I'm Elvis, man!

392
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,440
You give that back!

393
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,573
That belongs to me!

394
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,149
If you want it,
just take it.

395
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,494
(boys laughing)

396
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:29,108
Okay. We're sorry.

397
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:32,826
This time we're really
going to give it to you.

398
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,328
Hey, stop that!

399
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,540
(boys laughing)

400
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:39,709
(Lisa crying)

401
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,580
Hey, Lise, something wrong?

402
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,787
Not anymore!

403
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,457
You punks are about to get

404
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,666
a taste of your own medicine.

405
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:51,466
This is my brother,
and he knows karate.

406
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,352
-Uh-oh.
-Oh, we're real scared.

407
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,720
Please don't hurt us, Bart.

408
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,267
What are you going to do?
Throw your diapers at us?

409
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,021
(laughter)

410
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,363
-(moaning)
-Yeah, just keep laughing.

411
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,399
It only makes him madder.

412
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,742
C'mon Bart. Start them off
with the touch of death

413
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,528
and go from there.

414
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,741
I think they've learned
their lesson already, Lise.

415
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,872
No, we want to see
the touch of death.

416
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,829
Yeah. Come on, Karate Kid,
waste me.

417
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,290
(group laughs)

418
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,300
It's funny how two wrongs
sometimes make a right.

419
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,973
Homer! Over here.

420
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,967
Flanders, I want to give you
your stuff back.

421
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,308
Well, there's no house
to put it in, Homer.

422
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,864
Not since that nice fellow
from the bank--

423
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:48,318
who was only doing his job--
came and locked it up.

424
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,900
You're gonna live in your car?

425
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,065
Oh, no. It's just
a little camp-out tonight,

426
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,445
then off to my sister's
apartment in Capital City.

427
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,032
Hey, what do you think, kids?

428
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,487
-The big city.
-(cheering)

429
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,787
(chuckles)

430
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,671
Say, Todd, I want to talk
to your Uncle Homer.

431
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,209
You're head of the car
till I get back.

432
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,882
Okay, Dad.

433
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,500
<i>♪ Grey skies</i>
<i>are gonna clear up ♪</i>

434
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,127
<i>♪ Put on a happy face ♪</i>

435
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,925
<i>♪ Brush off the clouds</i>
<i>and cheer up ♪</i>

436
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,929
<i>♪ Put on a happy face... ♪</i>

437
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,261
Oh, listen to that singing.

438
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,388
Those poor fools.

439
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,845
Homer, I'm ruined.

440
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,596
I know.

441
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,267
At times like these

442
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,856
I used to turn to the Bible
and find solace,

443
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,282
but even the good book

444
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,031
-can't help me now.
-Why not?

445
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,624
-I sold it to you for seven cents.
-Oh.

446
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:41,289
You know,
ever since that barbecue,

447
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,250
nothing's gone right.

448
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,920
It's like there's been
a curse on me.

449
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,250
(sobbing)

450
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,165
It's all my fault.

451
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,094
-No, it's not.
-Yes, it is.

452
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,012
No! You tried to warn me

453
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:55,931
about gambling
my family's future

454
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:58,049
on some pig in a poke.

455
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,597
I didn't listen.

456
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,350
Homer, you were a true friend.

457
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,431
-No, I was a swine.
-(both sobbing)

458
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,807
-Listen, Flanders.
-What?

459
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:07,444
Do you still have that store?

460
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,941
For two more days.

461
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:12,232
Then it becomes
Libertarian Party headquarters.

462
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,187
I hope they have better luck
than I did.

463
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,448
Flanders, you open
that store tomorrow.

464
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,200
Oh, Homer, there's no point.

465
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,372
I said do it!

466
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,911
Hello, Jerry? Homer Simpson.

467
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,497
Remember last month
when I paid back that loan?

468
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:31,173
Well, now I need you
to do a favor for me.

469
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,923
A left-handed corkscrew?

470
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,126
Oh, baby!

471
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,675
"Kiss me, I'm left-handed"?

472
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,549
(laughs)

473
00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:42,136
That's a classic.
Whoa!

474
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:45,102
-Homer Simpson's on the phone.
-Tell him I went out.

475
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,854
He needs you
to help Ned Flanders.

476
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,145
Ned Flanders is in trouble?

477
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,316
Smithers, I'm licked.

478
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:52,938
You open this can.

479
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,855
Okay, but you softened
it up for me, sir.

480
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,358
Hold it, Smithers.

481
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,156
-I'll open the can.
-But, sir, how?

482
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,619
To the mall!
I'll explain on the way.

483
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:11,039
Hurry, Neddy, hurry.
Oh, golly, it's a miracle.

484
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,131
HOMER:
Come on, ya' lefties.

485
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,303
Oh! What did I tell you?

486
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,010
-(chuckles)
-Homer?

487
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:20,470
It's all here,
and it's all backwards.

488
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:21,682
That's right.

489
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,562
(excited voices buzzing)

490
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:32,398
Well, the worm has turned,
has it not, my tin-plated friend?

491
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,321
Look at you--
you who were once so proud.

492
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,150
Feel the wrath
of the left hand of Burns.

493
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,198
My life begins today.

494
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,332
Wow! What an icebreaker.

495
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,949
Left-handed ledgers.

496
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,246
Now, I can write
all the way to the edge.

497
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,250
(laughs)
Left-handed nunchukas.

498
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,503
Wow!

499
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,505
The boys at the Diners Club
will think I've gone quite mad.

500
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,179
Oh, I'll have that roadster
in the corner as well.

501
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,179
(crowd gasps)

502
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,471
-Yes, sir.
-Huzzah for the shopkeep.

503
00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:07,425
ALL: Huzzah!

504
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,226
Homer, affordable tract housing
made us neighbors,

505
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:13,111
but you made us friends.

506
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:14,558
To Ned Flanders,

507
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:17,358
the richest left-handed man
in town.

508
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,112
-(strums)
-Everybody!

509
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:20,614
<i>♪ Grey skies are</i>
<i>gonna clear up ♪</i>

510
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,156
<i>♪ Stick out that noble chin ♪</i>

511
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,950
<i>♪ Wipe off</i>
<i>that full-of-doubt look ♪</i>

512
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:28,794
<i>♪ Slap on a happy grin ♪</i>

513
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:34,170
<i>♪ And spread sunshine</i>
<i>all over the place ♪</i>

514
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:39,011
<i>♪ Just put on a happy face ♪</i>

515
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,716
{\an8}♪♪

516
00:22:49,242 --> 00:22:50,832
Shh!

517
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:56,961
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.