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{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(chalk screeches)
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(bell rings)
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(work whistle blows)
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-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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D'oh!
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-Aah!
-(tires screech)
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Hello, I'm Kent Brockman,
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and this is
"Eye on Springfield."
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♪♪ (rock and roll theme)
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Wow. Info-tainment.
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Tonight we salute
the silver anniversary
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of The Great Springfield
Tire Yard Fire,
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25 years
and still burning strong.
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We watch
Springfield's oldest man
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{\an8}meet Springfield's
fattest man.
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He's not so fat.
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And we visit with
heavyweight champion Dredrick Tatum
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who reminisces about
growing up in Springfield.
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That town was a dump.
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If you ever
see me back there,
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you know I really
(bleeped) up bad.
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But first, part seven
of our eye-opening look
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at the bikini.
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♪♪ (rock instrumental)
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{\an8}Whoa-- T and A!
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{\an8}Bart, why are you still up?
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{\an8}Lisa's slumber party.
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{\an8}(girls giggling)
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{\an8}Who can sleep
with those five evil hens
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{\an8}cackling
and plotting against me?
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{\an8}Boy, they've got better things
to talk about than you.
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Sheesh, what an ego.
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{\an8}Lisa, your brother
is so gross.
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{\an8}You should smell
his room.
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{\an8}(giggling)
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{\an8}Now remember, Wanda,
whatever shape the wax takes
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{\an8}that's what your
husband's job will be.
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{\an8}It's a mop.
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{\an8}My husband
will be a janitor.
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{\an8}That looks like
an Olympic torch to me.
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{\an8}Your husband could be
an Olympic athlete
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{\an8}who will go on to have
a great acting career.
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It's a dustpan.
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The wax never lies.
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GIRL:
Let's play Truth or Dare.
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ALL: Truth or Dare!
Truth or Dare!
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I'll take... dare.
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I dare you to...
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kiss Lisa's brother.
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ALL: Eww!!
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(humming)
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What the--?
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Aaaaahh!
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I'm telling Mom and Dad.
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-You're telling who?
-BOTH: Mom and Dad.
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GIRLS: Jinx!
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(singsongy) Now you can't talk till
somebody says your name.
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(giggling)
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Coming up next: an elephant
who never forgets...
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to brush!
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What is it, boy?
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(grunting)
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Is anything the matter,
my son?
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Talk to me, young man.
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(grunts)
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Say your name?
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Why should I do that,
my lad?
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Because I'm jinxed,
damn it! Ow!
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What was that for?
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You spoke
while you were jinxed
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so I get to
punch you in the arm.
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Sorry, it's the law.
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(girls giggling)
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There he is.
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Let's give him
a make-over.
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-Ahh!
-Run for it, boy!
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♪♪
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(girls chattering)
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(grunting)
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(whirring)
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(whirring)
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Aaaaahh!
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(gulps)
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Oof!
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Come here, Maggie.
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Huh?!
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That's it, I'm out of here.
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Hiya, Homer.
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(sighing)
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What's the matter, Moe?
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Oh, business is slow.
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People today are healthier
and drinking less.
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You know, if it wasn't for
the junior high school next door
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no one would even use
the cigarette machine.
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Yeah, things are tough all over.
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Increased job satisfaction
and family togetherness
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are poison for a purveyor of
mind-numbing intoxicants like myself.
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-Can I get a beer?
-Oh, yeah, sure.
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Oh, sorry. I forgot
we're out of beer.
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-Aahh!
-I know.
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I got behind
on my beer payments.
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The distributor
cut me off
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and I spent my last ten grand
on the Love Tester.
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(slurping)
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You're too late,
Homer.
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Barney sucked it dry.
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Cut his gums up
pretty bad.
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Ohh!
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Take it easy, Homer.
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I learned how to make other
drinks at Bartender school.
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Gin and... tonic?
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Do they mix?
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Hey, I know a good drink.
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Really hits the spot.
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I invented it myself.
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One night,
Marge's beastly sisters
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were showing slides
from their latest vacation.
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And this is Patty
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trying to plug her leg razor
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into one of those ungodly
Czechoslovakian outlets.
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As you can see, we
never did get the hang of it.
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Ay, caramba!
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As I stared up at that
hairy yellow drumstick
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I knew I needed a drink.
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Patty, Selma, would you
excuse me for a moment?
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If you're going for a beer,
this is the last one.
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D'oh!
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I decided to mix
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the little bits that were
left in every liquor bottle.
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In my haste,
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I had grabbed a bottle
of the kids' cough syrup.
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It passed the first test--
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I didn't go blind.
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They say everyone can float
in the Dead Sea,
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but Selma sank
right to the bottom.
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HOMER: Huh?!
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I don't know the
scientific explanation
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but fire made it good.
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Sounds like one hell
of a drink.
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What do you call it?
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A Flaming Homer.
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Okay. Why don't you
make us up
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a couple
of Flaming Homers?
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Hey, Moe, you got any
cough syrup?
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00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,088
Let me check the lost and
found. What do we got here?
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00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,629
Bowie knife, troll doll...
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00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,593
glass eye...
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(shattering)
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Oh, here we are.
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It's not without it's charm.
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Try lighting it on fire.
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Hmm?!
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Wow!
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Homer, it's like there's
a party in my mouth
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and everyone's invited.
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Hey, your
Love Tester's busted.
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I want my nickel back.
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(coughing)
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Hey, buddy,
have one on the house.
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Hey, this drink is delicious
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and my phlegm feels looser.
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What do you call it?
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Well, it's called a Flaming--
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Moe!
It's called a Flaming Moe.
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That's right, a Flaming Moe.
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My name is Moe,
and I invented it.
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That's why it's
called a Flaming Moe.
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What? What are you
looking at, Homer?
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It's a Flaming Moe.
I'm Moe.
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-Oh!
-Oh!
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-Hey, what's this?
-A sneeze guard.
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(sneezes)
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Wow, it really works!
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00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,406
Moe, I haven't seen
the place this crowded
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since the government
cracked down on you
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00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,326
for accepting food stamps.
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Do you think my drink has
something to do with it?
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00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,671
Who can say? It's probably
a combination of things.
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Another pitcher of those
amazing Flaming Moes.
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I hate this joint,
but I love that drink.
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Ohhh.
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00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,684
Barkeep, I couldn't
help noticing your sign.
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The one that says
"Bartenders do it 'til you barf"?
187
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,349
No. Above that
store-bought drollery.
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00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,771
Oh, great. Why don't we
fill out an application.
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I'll need your name,
measurements, and turn-ons.
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You really expect me
to tell you my measurements?
191
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You could,
but I find this way
192
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is much more accurate,
and fun.
193
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Ugh! What do you offer
in the way of salary?
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00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,284
Minimum wage and tips.
195
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,414
Of course,
there are fringe benefits.
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Such as?
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An unforgettable weekend
at Club Moe.
198
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,913
I'd prefer to take
my vacation someplace hot.
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00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:02,497
-(all exclaiming)
-(laughing)
200
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,463
I like your moxie, kid.
201
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,884
You're hired.
202
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,882
You shan't regret this.
203
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,554
Me thinks I shan't.
204
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,932
Pardon me, are you the
genius behind the Flaming Moe?
205
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,679
-Why yes, I--
-I'm your man.
206
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,391
Uh-huh. My name's
Harv Bannister.
207
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,061
I work for
Tipsy McStagger's
208
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,599
Good Time Drinking
and Eating Emporium.
209
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,773
Oh, yeah? Hey, what's
Mr. McStagger really like?
210
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,522
Actually, there is no
Tipsy McStagger.
211
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,024
He's just a composite
of other successful logos.
212
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,527
Well, you tell him for me
213
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:29,818
that he makes
one great mozzarella stick.
214
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,112
Yes, fine, I will.
215
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,155
Anyway, I've got a
proposition for you.
216
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,909
Keep talking.
217
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,331
We feel your Flaming Moe
218
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,489
is perfect for our
restaurant chain.
219
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,737
We want to buy the recipe.
220
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,998
No dice. The Flaming Moe
is not for sale.
221
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,710
Do you know how much
of my blood and sweat
222
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,330
are in this drink?
223
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,327
(spitting)
224
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,708
Uh... figure of speech.
225
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:47,924
Sorry, Harv.
226
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,165
(chuckles)
227
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,006
I'll be back.
228
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,394
Good for you, Moe.
229
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,140
Only an idiot
would give away
230
00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,892
a million-dollar idea
like that.
231
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,144
Ohhh.
232
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,135
MARTIN:
So the next time you use
233
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,727
a gas chromatograph,
234
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,572
remember to thank
Mr. A.J.P. Morton.
235
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:08,978
Brilliant, Martin.
Brilliant.
236
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:11,986
Once again you've wrecked
the grading curve.
237
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,699
I pity the poor student
who has to follow you.
238
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,160
Bart Simpson,
you're next.
239
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:19,701
"The Inventor I Admire"
by Bart Simpson.
240
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,285
The inventor I admire
is not a rich man
241
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:25,121
or a famous man,
or even a smart man.
242
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,537
He's my father, Homer Simpson,
243
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,837
creator of--
♪ dun-da-da-dah ♪
244
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,630
the Flaming Homer!
245
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,915
The Flaming Homer?
246
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,718
You mean the Flaming Moe
247
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,971
and your dad
didn't invent it, you wuss.
248
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,604
Moe the Bartender did.
249
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,770
Yes, everyone knows that.
250
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,808
It's not true.
251
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,311
My father invented that drink.
252
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,602
and if you'll allow me
to demonstrate.
253
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,476
Bart, are those
liquor bottles?
254
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,733
I brought enough
for everybody.
255
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,444
Take those to
the teachers' lounge.
256
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,074
You can have what's left
at the end of the day.
257
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:55,491
♪♪ (jazzy rock)
258
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,575
-(indistinct chatter)
-MAN: Hey, Bernard!
259
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,829
Good evening,
Krusty.
260
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,660
Nice to see you,
Bernard.
261
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,365
Thank you very much.
Right this way.
262
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,825
-Krusty, over here!
-Krusty, one more!
263
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,825
What the--
264
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,586
♪♪ (jazzy rock continues)
265
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:18,052
Henceforth, this date
shall forever be known
266
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,635
as Flaming Moe's Day.
267
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,720
Sir, this is already
Veteran's Day.
268
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:22,766
It can be two things.
269
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:33,067
Mom, instead of milk for dinner,
can I have a Virgin Moe?
270
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:34,690
(groaning)
271
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,567
Honey, what's wrong?
272
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,164
I'll tell you what's wrong.
273
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,739
That rotten Moe is getting rich
off a recipe I gave him.
274
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,576
(whistling)
275
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,662
Take that off
this second.
276
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,167
Okay.
277
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,879
Homie, why don't you
just go down to Moe's
278
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,669
and talk to him?
279
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,592
I bet he'd be willing to share
some of his success with you.
280
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,722
Nah.
281
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,008
Marge, I'm too upset to eat.
282
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,842
I think I'll go to Moe's.
283
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,257
D'oh!
284
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,425
(indistinct chatter)
285
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,894
Oh!
286
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:06,564
Hey!
287
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,562
Can I help you, sir?
288
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:08,983
I need to talk to Moe.
289
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,151
Your name's
not on the list.
290
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,559
I didn't even
tell you my name.
291
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,187
-Okay, what's your name?
-Homer Simpson.
292
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,364
-Not on the list.
-But--
293
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,572
We're all filled up.
Fire laws!
294
00:12:17,653 --> 00:12:18,903
Ladies and gentlemen,
295
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,868
some new buddies of mine
stopped by tonight.
296
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,328
Maybe we can get them
to come up here.
297
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,289
How about a warm
Flaming Moe's welcome for...
298
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,660
Aerosmith!
299
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,787
(girls squeal)
300
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,123
-I don't think so, Moe.
-Nah.
301
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,377
We're just hanging out.
302
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,959
Come on, guys.
Free pickled eggs.
303
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,213
-All right!
-Yeah!
304
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:37,165
(cheering, applause)
305
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,626
Hello, St. Louis!
306
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,507
That's Springfield,
Steven.
307
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,514
Oh, yeah. Right.
308
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,925
Are you ready to rock?
309
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,563
ALL: Yeah!
310
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,889
I said, are you ready to rock!
311
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,095
-ALL: Yeah!
-Hit it!
312
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,896
♪♪ (intro to
"Walk This Way")
313
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,731
♪ Backstroke lover, I was
hiding 'neath the covers ♪
314
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,436
♪ You was talkin' to
your daddy and sayin' ♪
315
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,106
♪ Said you ain't
seen nothin' ♪
316
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,105
♪ Till you're down
on the muffin ♪
317
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,527
♪ Then you're sure to be
a-changin' your way ♪
318
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,446
♪ I met a cheerleader
was a real young breeder ♪
319
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,294
♪ All the times
I can reminisce ♪
320
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,619
♪ 'Cause the best things
of lovin' ♪
321
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,254
♪ Was a sister
and a cousin ♪
322
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,501
♪ Only started
with a little kiss ♪
323
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,672
♪ Like this... ♪
324
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,000
(grunting)
325
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,174
-Barney?
-Hi, Homer.
326
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,173
I want you
to meet my friends
327
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,554
Armando and Raffi.
328
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,932
(grumbling)
329
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,799
♪ So I took a big chance
at the high school dance ♪
330
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,716
♪ With a missy
who was ready to play ♪
331
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,595
Hey, Moe, come on.
Get up here.
332
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,392
♪ And I know that love
was here to stay ♪
333
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,476
♪ When she told me to
Walk this way ♪
334
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,652
♪ Walk this way ♪
335
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,781
♪ Walk this way ♪
336
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,648
♪ Walk this way ♪
337
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,315
(cheering)
338
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:45,164
Hiya, scrumptious.
Do you want to ignite my drink?
339
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,951
You're my kid's teacher.
340
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,414
Single parent, are we?
341
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,414
No.
342
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,825
Well, let's pretend you are.
343
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:52,874
Get away from me.
344
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,577
-Hey, Moe!
-Oh, hi, Homer.
345
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,747
How about a beer?
346
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,995
I'd rather have
a Flaming Homer.
347
00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,507
A what?
Oh, I get it.
348
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,259
How could you
do this to me, Moe?
349
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,971
This bar was going under,
350
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,511
and it was the drink
I invented that saved it.
351
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:07,965
If there was any justice,
352
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:10,595
my face would be on
a bunch of crappy merchandise.
353
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,943
Morris, is what
this man saying true?
354
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,308
Well, it's hard to say.
355
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,355
He may have come up
with the recipe
356
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,898
but I came up
with the idea
357
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,192
of charging $6.95 for it.
358
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,936
-(phone rings)
-Uh-- telephone.
359
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,647
Flaming Moe's.
360
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,107
Yes, I'm looking for
a friend of mine.
361
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,577
Last name: Jazz.
First name: Hugh.
362
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:28,828
Hold on. I'll check.
363
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,449
Hugh Jazz?
364
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,286
Somebody check the men's room
for a Hugh Jazz.
365
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,582
I'm Hugh Jazz.
366
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:35,665
Telephone.
367
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,249
Hello, this is Hugh Jazz.
368
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,504
Uh... hi.
369
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,666
-Who's this?
-Bart Simpson.
370
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,423
What can I do for you, Bart?
371
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,125
Look,
I'll level with you mister.
372
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,335
This is a crank call
that sorta backfired
373
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,505
and I'd like to bail out
right now.
374
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,894
Alright.
Better luck next time.
375
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,970
What a nice young man.
376
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,925
Homer, I'm sorry you're mad
at me, but this isn't personal.
377
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:53,977
This is business.
378
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,229
Business, eh?
379
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,521
Well, let me tell you something.
380
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,024
You just lost
yourself a customer.
381
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,185
What? I'm sorry.
Homer, I couldn't hear you.
382
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,864
I said, you just lost
yourself a customer!
383
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,283
-What?
-You just lost yourself a customer!
384
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:06,822
Homer, you're gonna
have to speak up.
385
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,196
You just lost yourself
a customer, Moe!
386
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,993
I forced myself to what?
387
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,576
You just lost
yourself a customer!
388
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,872
Homer, I'll talk
to ya' tomorrow.
389
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,365
You just lost yourself
a customer!
390
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,788
Yeah, you can use it.
391
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,456
(indistinct shouting)
392
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,682
♪♪ ("Cheers" style
theme music)
393
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,562
♪ When the weight of the world
has got you down ♪
394
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,640
♪ And you want to end
your life ♪
395
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,596
♪ Bills to pay,
a dead-end job ♪
396
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:40,896
♪ And problems
with the wife ♪
397
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,651
♪ But don't throw
in the towel ♪
398
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,904
♪ 'Cause there's a place
right down the block ♪
399
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:52,657
♪ Where you can drink
your misery away ♪
400
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:56,663
-♪ At Flaming Moe's ♪
-CHORUS: ♪ Let's all go to Flaming Moe's ♪
401
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,247
♪ Let's all go
to Flaming Moe's ♪
402
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,542
♪ Where liquor in a mug ♪
403
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,706
-♪ Can warm you like a hug ♪
-CHORUS: ♪ Flaming Moe's ♪
404
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:08,506
♪ And happiness is just
a Flaming Moe away ♪
405
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:12,722
♪ Happiness is just
a Flaming Moe away. ♪
406
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,809
ALL: Barney!
407
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,265
How's the world treating you,
Mr. Gumble?
408
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,685
(belches)
409
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:24,896
Hey, there!
410
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,494
What can I do
for you, Harv?
411
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:29,068
Well, sir, Tipsy McStagger
would like to buy your drink.
412
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,074
(gasps)
He's here?
413
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,485
No, no, no.
414
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,283
I mean my company is
willing to do what it takes
415
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,198
to get that recipe.
416
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,536
We're prepared
to offer you $1 million.
417
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,672
(all gasping)
418
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,169
Sorry, Harv,
but like I told you before
419
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,592
it ain't for sale.
420
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,920
Don't be stupid!
421
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,585
We have a laboratory for
this kind of thing.
422
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,133
We've got it all figured out,
except for one ingredient.
423
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:51,927
Brace yourselves, gentlemen.
424
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,851
According to
the gas chromatograph,
425
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,180
the secret ingredient is...
426
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,596
Love?!
427
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,774
Who's been screwing
with this thing?
428
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,563
I'm sorry, but the secret
ingredient dies with me.
429
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,977
30 cases of cough syrup.
430
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,646
-Sign here.
-(nervous laugh)
431
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,605
I got hooked on this
stuff in the service.
432
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,655
(siren blaring)
433
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,159
HOMER:
Ah! My new watering hole.
434
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,043
Yeah, what do you want?!
435
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,290
-A beer.
-Okay, then.
436
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,133
Can I have a clean glass?
437
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,630
(growls)
438
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,422
Here you go,
your majesty.
439
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,176
Next on
"Eye on Springfield,"
440
00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:33,428
{\an8}a toast to Moe,
the wizard of Walnut Street.
441
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:36,720
MOE: The Flaming Moe
dates back to my forefathers
442
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,885
who were bartenders
to the czar.
443
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,644
So, Mr. Hutz,
does my husband have a case?
444
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,227
I'm sorry,
Mrs. Simpson
445
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,942
but you can't
copyright a drink.
446
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,772
(moaning)
Ohh!
447
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,687
This all goes back to the
Frank Wallbanger case of '78.
448
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,817
How about that?
I looked something up.
449
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,324
These books behind me don't
just make the office look good.
450
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:57,826
They're filled with useful
legal tidbits just like that.
451
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,500
Stupid Moe.
452
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,618
Non-inventing,
recipe-stealing, pug-nosed--
453
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,615
Well, Homer, maybe you
can take some consolation
454
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,457
in the fact that
something you created
455
00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,882
is making so many
people happy.
456
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:09,381
Ooh! Look at me.
457
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,473
I'm making people happy.
458
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:14,378
I'm the magical man
from Happy Land
459
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:18,008
in a gumdrop house
on Lollipop Lane.
460
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,018
Oh, by the way,
I was being sarcastic.
461
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,641
Well, duh!
462
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,647
Now, that's what I call
a happy hour.
463
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,770
(deep sigh)
464
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,026
Morris, something troubles me.
465
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,689
Don't worry baby.
466
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,237
My mother won't be home
for another 20 minutes.
467
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,490
No. I was just thinking
about Homer Simpson.
468
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,743
That's okay.
469
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,235
I was just thinking
about Sybil Danning.
470
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,866
I meant, I think you
should sell your drink
471
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,874
and give half the money
to Homer.
472
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:44,916
But, honey--
473
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,788
He's your friend, Morris,
474
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:49,915
and you took advantage
of him.
475
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,213
All right.
All right.
476
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,626
I'll split the million
with Homer.
477
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:54,054
Jeepers, Mary and Joseph!
478
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,303
I sleep with a chick once
479
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,304
it costs me
half a million bananas.
480
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:01,426
Moe, Moe, Moe...
481
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,595
Bart, are you going
to mow the lawn today?
482
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,394
Okay, but you promised me
Moe money.
483
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:06,727
I Moe, I Moe.
484
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,482
Moe, Moe, Moe...
485
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,976
When Bart's done,
can we Moe
486
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,737
to the Moevies?
There's a Moetinee.
487
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:17,069
Of course. All work and Moe play
makes Moe a Moe Moe.
488
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,906
-Moe Moe Moe Moe Moe?
-Moe Moe Moe.
489
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,531
Moe Moe Moe Moe Moe.
490
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:21,657
Moe Moe Moe Moe.
491
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:24,705
Moe.
492
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,368
Moe, Moe...
493
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:28,457
Moe...
494
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,592
Moe, Moe...
495
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,049
Moe....
496
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,719
Moe, Moe...
497
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:35,718
-Hey, Homer.
-Hey, Homer.
498
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,339
-Huh?
-Hey, Homer.
499
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:41,426
-Hey, Homer.
-Hey, Homer.
500
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,773
-Hey, Homer.
-Hey, Homer.
501
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,349
Aaaaahh!
502
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,944
Hiya, Homer!
503
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,730
What's the matter?
504
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,153
Aaaaaaahhh!
505
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,691
♪ Sneakin' out
the back way ♪
506
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,994
♪ Sneaking
down the alley way ♪
507
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,859
Hey, where's Joey?
508
00:19:57,946 --> 00:19:59,696
JOEY: Mrs. Krabappel,
509
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,911
I really need
my drumsticks.
510
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,122
Come and get 'em!
511
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,293
You're going to be
a rich man, Moe.
512
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,791
I gotta tell you.
The way we usually work
513
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,254
in these situations is
to steal the recipe
514
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,415
and run the inventor
out of business.
515
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:14,883
Ah, c'est la vie.
516
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,013
(fiendish echoing laughter)
517
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,130
What the--?
518
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,177
(fiendish laughing)
519
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,510
Fools!
520
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,545
You poor, pathetic
521
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,678
misguided creatures
522
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,274
choking down your Flaming Moes
523
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,059
all the time wondering,
"How does he do it?"
524
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:30,603
Well, I'm going to tell you.
525
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:31,767
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
526
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,685
The secret ingredient is...
527
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,784
Homer, no!
528
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,938
...cough syrup.
529
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,657
Nothing but plain, ordinary,
over-the-counter
530
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,698
children's cough syrup.
531
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:44,372
(laughs maniacally)
532
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:45,371
Shoot.
533
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,122
Thank you, Mr. Nutball.
534
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,794
Got to go, Moe.
Tough luck.
535
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,995
Aaaaaaaahhh!
536
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,044
Holy cow,
you just fell
537
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,377
on Aerosmith!
538
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,218
MOE: Hey, Homer.
539
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,517
Come in here.
540
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:09,890
Hi, Moe.
541
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,137
Where's that waitress
of yours?
542
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,308
She left to pursue
a movie career.
543
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,357
Frankly, I think she
was better off here.
544
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:20,532
Moe, sorry I lost you hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
545
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,282
Oh, hey, hey.
546
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,704
Maybe some things are too good
to be kept a secret.
547
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:25,783
I guess so.
548
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,287
Compliments of the house--
549
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,119
one Flaming... Homer.
550
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:33,165
HOMER: Aw, thanks, Moe.
551
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:36,300
You're the greatest friend
a guy could ever have.
552
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:39,298
Hey, do you think Aerosmith
will be in tonight?
553
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,421
MOE: I doubt it.
554
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:44,932
♪♪
555
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,182
{\an8}♪ Do it in the sunshine ♪
556
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,394
{\an8}♪ Hangin' from
a clothesline ♪
557
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:52,814
{\an8}♪ Find another tree
to climb ♪
558
00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,524
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
559
00:21:54,604 --> 00:21:55,564
{\an8}♪ There's no time
for lovin' ♪
560
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,187
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
561
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,654
{\an8}♪ I don't need one
in the oven ♪
562
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,534
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
563
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:02,490
{\an8}♪ I'm a-pushin'
and a-shovin' it ♪
564
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:03,531
{\an8}♪ Yeah ♪
565
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:05,203
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
566
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:07,492
{\an8}♪ Come on now
I just can't wait ♪
567
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,786
{\an8}♪ Are you fishin' or
you gonna cut bait ♪
568
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:13,040
{\an8}♪ Everybody body doin' it ♪
569
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,753
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
570
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:15,793
{\an8}♪ There's no time
for lovin' ♪
571
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:17,416
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
572
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:18,462
{\an8}♪ I don't need one
in the oven ♪
573
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:20,125
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
574
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,633
{\an8}♪ I'm a-pushin'
and a-shovin' ♪
575
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,715
{\an8}♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
576
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,390
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
577
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,759
{\an8}♪ Come on now
I just can't wait ♪
578
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,176
{\an8}♪ Are you gonna finish
or you gonna cut bait ♪
579
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:33,345
{\an8}♪ Everybody body doin' it ♪
580
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:35,055
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
581
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:36,095
{\an8}♪ There's no time
for lovin' ♪
582
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,728
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
583
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:38,774
{\an8}♪ I don't need one
in the oven ♪
584
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,437
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
585
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,985
{\an8}♪ I'm a-pushin'
and a-shovin' ♪
586
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:44,199
{\an8}♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
587
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:45,859
{\an8}♪ Young lust ♪
588
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:48,157
{\an8}♪ Come on now
I just can't wait ♪
589
00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:49,161
Shh!
590
00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:55,542
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.