♪ The Simpsons ♪
(chalk screeches)
(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
(tires screeching)
(horn honks)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-(screams) -(tires screech)
LISA: Look, Dad, there's a spot.
D'oh!
Ohh, there's a spot, dear.
D'oh! Ohh, there's a good one.
That spot says "compact only."
Marge, that's just a suggested car size.
(metal scraping)
Easy... easy...
How am I doing on the right?
Uh, we're getting a lot of sparks over here, Dad.
Uh-huh.
Easy...
Perfect.
All right, everybody, out the window.
HOMER: Ooh! They all look great.
MARGE: So, what are we going to see?
Ernest Cuts the Cheese!
Honey, I Hit a School Bus!
Look Who's Oinking! Look Who's Oinking!
Since we'll never agree.
Why don't you kids pick a movie,
your dad and I will pick a movie,
then we'll all meet in the lobby later, hmm?
-KIDS: Thanks, Mom. -(groans)
Two tickets for...
Let me guess. Look Who's Oinking.
-That's right. -Sold out.
Ohh...
Maybe we could see something
a little more adult.
Why, Marge, you frisky little devil.
(sexy growl)
We'll take two tickets to
The Stockholm Affair.
Ohh, the paper called it a taut political thriller.
Political?
(groaning)
Mr. President, disturbing news. Serious cracks are developing
in the Greco-Bolivian alliance.
Get me Jed Colic!
(slurping)
(gagging)
Oh, this movie's too complicated.
Hey, the floor's sticky.
(grunting)
Who's that guy?
What did that guy say when I said "who's that guy?"
(groaning)
Oh, that submarine is so fake.
Look, you can see the strings.
Ooh! An octopus!
-Shh! -What?
(growling)
If you don't watch the violence,
you'll never get desensitized to it.
Just tell me when the scary part's over.
It's over.
(squishy crunching)
(screaming)
(evil chuckling)
I think that guy's a spy.
(whispering) Well, of course he's a spy.
You just saw him go through spy school.
Oh wait, I heard how this ends.
It turns out the secret code
was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter.
(audience moaning)
Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it.
Oh shut up, Homer.
No one wants to hear what you think!
(audience cheers)
Homer, if it makes you feel any better,
most of what they threw at you
splattered on me. Homer?
Forget it, Mom. Dad's really mad.
The tendons are throbbing at the base of his neck.
and stress is collecting in the trouble spots--
here, here, and here--
making for one unhappy pappy.
(growling)
Homie, aren't you coming inside?
Marge, I have always carried myself
with a certain quiet dignity.
Tonight, you robbed me of it.
I'm going now,
and I don't know when you'll see me again.
(tires squealing)
(brakes screeching)
(tires squealing)
LISA: I guess that executive stress ball
we got him for Christmas isn't working.
Mmm.
(slurping)
(gasps)
(sniffing)
Eww, a skunk.
(inhales)
(straining)
(breathing in)
(straining)
Oh, no!
-(country music playing) -HOMER: Ooh, a redneck bar.
(loud saloon banter)
(glass breaking)
Hey, you, let's fight.
Them's fightin' words.
Duff, please.
We don't sell Duff.
We sell Fudd.
Okay, Fudd me.
MAN: Alright, alright ladies and gentlemen
he's all healed up and he's back for more.
Let's give a big drunken welcome to Yodeling Zeke.
(audience cheering)
♪ Yodel-lay-hee ♪
♪ Odel-lay-hee... ♪
(playing sweet melody)
(crowd cheering)
Our next act is our very own singing waitress-- Lurleen.
(crowd cheering)
So I'm afraid drink service
will stop for just a few moments...
(shouting, glass breaking)
They're all yours.
Stupid Marge-- tell me to shut up.
Thank you. Tonight I'd like to try
something a little different.
It's a song I wrote
while I was mopping up your dried blood and teeth.
(playing upbeat melody)
♪ You work all day for some old man ♪
♪ Sweat and break your back ♪
Yeah.
♪ Then you go home to your castle ♪
♪ But your queen won't cut you slack ♪
That's true.
♪ That's why you're losing all your hair ♪
♪ That's why you're overweight ♪
Uh-huh.
♪ That's why you flipped your pickup truck ♪
♪ Right off the interstate ♪
That's right... except for the pick-up truck.
♪ There's a line of bull they hand you ♪
♪ There's nothing you can do ♪
♪ Your wife don't understand you ♪
♪ But I do ♪
♪ No, your wife don't understand you ♪
♪ But I do ♪
♪ I said, no one understands you ♪
♪ But I do ♪
(smattering of applause)
Hey, Lurleen?
I've got to say something to you.
I'm listening.
Your song touched me
in a way I've never felt before.
And which way to the can?
So what's your name, stranger?
Homer J. Simpson.
My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
-That's a pretty name. -Oh, you think so?
Maybe. I'm not sure.
I forgot it.
Bye, Lurleen.
So long, Homer J. Simpson.
(Homer humming "The Wabash Cannonball")
Hello.
Where were you all night?
I was just up at this bar in Spittle County.
You should have called. I was very worried.
Marge, let's end this feudin' and a-fussin'
-and get down to some lovin'. -Hmm!
♪ I work all day ♪
♪ For some old man ♪
♪ I sweat and break my back ♪
Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gall bladder.
Put it back! Put it back!
♪ Your wife don't understand you ♪
♪ But I do ♪
Gee, Homer's singing to his ball again.
-Yeah, and he's bowling a 280. -Oh, yeah?
♪ There's a kind of hush ♪
♪ All over the world tonight ♪
(humming)
Hey, Moe, you got any Fudd?
Fudd? I thought they took that off the market
after all those hillbillies went blind.
Oh no-- I went to this bar the other night and...
W-wait a minute.
You went to another bar?
Moe, I was 100 miles out of town.
Oh, Homer.
(playing banjo)
Well, if it isn't Homer J. Simpson.
Lurleen, I can't get your song out of my mind.
I haven't felt this way since "Funky Town."
Oh, aren't you sweet.
Do you think I can get a copy of it?
Sorry darlin'. All my songs are up here--
"I'm Basting a Turkey with My Tears,"
"Don't Look Up My Dress Unless You Mean It,"
"I'm Sick of Your Lying Lips and False Teeth."
Lurleen, we've got to crack open your head
and scoop out those songs.
Ooh! I don't know.
-Come with me. -Oh!
(guitar playing country music)
♪ I said no one understands you ♪
♪ But I do ♪
Listen, ma'am,
my brother owns a radio station over in Weevilville
and with your permission, I'd like to take your CD to him.
Homer, it's your quarter.
What do you say?
I guess so.
RADIO D.J.: This is KUDD 570 AM.
Hey, don't touch that dial. You've got KUDD on it.
LURLEEN: ♪ You work all day for some old man ♪
♪ Sweat and break your back... ♪
For the next half hour, beer's on the house.
-What did you say, Moe? -Nothing.
I thought I told you
to stay away from my sister!
♪ But your queen won't cut you slack ♪
Oh, here's 50 bucks.
Take her to the Copa.
♪ Now you talk so tough and act so rough... ♪
It's payback time.
♪ The heartache and the sadness ♪
♪ That's buried deep inside ♪
Aww...
Puts this whole riot into perspective, doesn't it?
♪ No one understands you, but I do ♪
She's wonderful.
I could feel her sweet country soul in every digitally encoded bit.
Country music sucks.
All it does is take precious air space away from shock deejays
whose cruelty and profanity amuse us all.
Shut up, boy. Marge, what do you think?
Well, it's nice, but who is this woman?
Well, right now she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress,
but she's going to be a country music superstar,
like, uh, that jerk in the cowboy hat,
and that dead lady.
I don't like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.
Marge, you make it sound so seamy.
All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer
watching her try on some outfits.
(growling)
(ringing)
Well, hi, Lurleen.
We were just talking about you.
Uh, I think I can come over. Let me ask my wife.
(angry groaning)
It's a date.
Oh, Homer.
Everybody's been calling--
Mama, Daddy, the triplets, Vonda Mae, Piney Joe...
and I owe it all to you.
Don't thank me, Lurleen.
You should be thanking your brain.
Oh, wow, Homer.
No man has ever been this nice to me without...
you know, wanting something in return.
Well, I was going to ask for a glass of water,
but now I feel kinda guilty about it.
(chuckling) Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
Thanks.
You did say "sugar," right?
Uh-huh.
Now, Homer, I want you to be my manager.
Really? Well, I should warn you,
-I'm not great with figures. -That's okay.
I make a lot of stupid decisions.
Nobody's perfect.
-I did bad in school. -I didn't even go.
My personal hygiene has been described as--
Homer, Homer, you'll be a great manager.
There's only one thing you need.
Now, this is made from a space-age fabric
developed especially for Elvis.
Sweat actually cleans this suit.
Hmm.
(growling)
(footsteps approaching)
(door opening)
Marge, look at me.
I don't want to-- I'm mad at you.
I'm sick of that waitress and all the time you've been spending with her
and this whole country music thing.
Then maybe you'd better not look at me.
(gasps)
Homer, where did you get that suit?
A friend bought it for me.
Was it Lurleen?
-No. I think it was Lenny. -Don't lie to me.
-Are you having an affair with this woman? -No!
-Have you kissed her? -No!
-Has she kissed you? -A couple of times.
I want you to stop seeing her.
I can't-- I'm her manager.
Her manage-- That's ridiculous.
I won't allow you to spend any more time
away from your family.
Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream
of managing a beautiful country singer!
Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie,
and you did it at the county fair last year, remember?
Marge, Lurleen's gonna be a big success,
and whether you like it or not, I'm going to be there.
Fine. See if I care!
(footsteps, door slams)
(sniffling)
MAN: This studio has a lot of history.
Buddy Holly stood on this spot in 1958 and said,
"There is no way in hell that I'm gonna record in this dump."
I'm sure Lurleen will love it.
(gasps) Homer, how much did you just give that man?
Calm down, Marge. It's just our life savings.
I'm not going to go into hock for this.
Hey, Colonel Homer.
And you must be...
Mrs. Homer Simpson.
Charmed.
Hmm.
I thought you said she was overweight.
Marge, it takes two to lie:
one to lie and one to listen.
What does that mean?
I don't have time to answer all these questions.
Time is money.
Come on, people.
Well, come on, boys.
Let's break some hearts.
(fast country music)
♪ Oh, the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart ♪
♪ When the coach called me up to the plate ♪
♪ I'd been swingin' and missin' ♪
♪ At lovin' and kissin' ♪
♪ My average was point double ought eight ♪
♪ So I spit on my hands ♪
♪ Knockin' dirt from my spikes ♪
♪ And pointed right towards center field ♪
♪ This time I'm hittin' a home run ♪
♪ This time love is for real ♪
Hey, Dad, can I do a hambone solo?
Stop it.
♪ ...for you ♪
♪ I been slumpin' all season ♪
♪ But now I found a reason ♪
♪ I struck on a love that is true ♪
♪ I used to play the field ♪
♪ I used to be a roamer ♪
♪ But season's turnin' around for me now ♪
♪ I finally bagged me a Homer... ♪
That's right.
♪ I finally bagged me a Homer ♪
Lurleen, we're gonna have to cut you off.
We're getting some kind of grinding noise on the track.
(grinding)
♪♪
You, off the bench.
HOMER: Guess what, Lurleen.
I got you a gig on TV.
Oh, Homer, you're as smart as you are handsome.
Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
Now, on this show they want you to sing two songs.
Maybe we should give them something new.
Well, I have been working on something
that could really heat things up.
Let's hear it.
(playing slow ballad)
♪ In this trailer ♪
♪ I get so cold and lonely ♪
♪ Lyin' there awake at night ♪
♪ Muttering, "If only you weren't married" ♪
♪ So I might ask you to bunk with me tonight ♪
♪ Bunk with me tonight, oh, bunk with me tonight ♪
♪ I'm asking will you bunk with me tonight ♪
Oh, that's hot.
There isn't a man alive
who wouldn't get turned on by that.
Well, good-bye.
Uh, Homer, there's a hidden message to this song
that you may have missed.
Really listen.
♪ Bunk with me tonight ♪
-Uh-huh. -♪ Bunk with me tonight ♪
-Right. -♪ I'm asking ♪
♪ Will you bunk ♪
♪ With me ♪
♪ Tonight? ♪
(gasps) Lurleen!
That's right, Homer J.
I got to think about this.
MARGE: All our money's tied up in this woman.
If she fails, we're broke.
If she succeeds, I have no husband.
I don't know what to root for.
You don't?
I got to go.
Homer?
Later, Marge. Lurleen's on TV tonight.
I got to get ready.
(grunting)
Just so you know--
while you and Lurleen were out judging
that greased pig contest,
Maggie cut her first tooth.
That's great, honey.
Say, have you seen my rattlesnake hatband?
You're not even listening to me.
Sure they will.
Kids, will you come in here?
You've got a wonderful family, Homer.
Please don't forget it when you walk out that door tonight.
Uh, I got to go.
As much as I hate that man right now,
you got to love that suit.
ANNOUNCER: Hold on to your pitchforks, everybody.
It's time again for Ya Hoo!
Starring, in alphabetical order...
Yodeling Zeke,
Butterball Jackson,
Freddie Boy and Yuma,
Cloris Moselle,
Big Shirtless Ron,
Orville and Hurley,
Gappy Mae,
Hip Diddler,
Rudy,
the Ya Hoo Recovering Alcoholic Jug Band,
and tonight, in her syndicated TV debut-- Lurleen!
(fast country music)
♪ Oh, the bases were empty... ♪
Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?
Yes, I am.
I'm from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Togasake Corporation.
I'm interested in buying Lurleen's contract.
Forget it, pal.
They don't call me Colonel Homer
because I'm some dumb-ass Army guy.
Lurleen, they loved you.
Well thank you. I'm still a little itchy from that fiberglass hay.
Is there anything you need?
(slams and locks door)
Well, you could make my evening complete.
What's wrong?
My whole romantic life is flashing before my eyes.
(making kissing noises)
Gross!
Thanks for dinner.
Ow!
No!
At least, could I have my dollar--
I'll love you for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, Lurleen.
All I wanted to do was share your beautiful voice
with other people, and I've done that.
Now, I'd better get out of here
before I lose my family.
Just so I don't wonder--
you would have gone all the way with me, wouldn't ya?
Uh-huh.
Ooh... okay.
Now before we negotiate, I have to tell you
I'm desperate to unload Lurleen
and I'll take any offer.
I'll give ya 50 bucks.
You son of a-- Sold.
I caught my wife in bed
with my best friend.
You bitter?
Yep. Bit him too.
(laughing) Ow!
(laughing)
And now, once again-- Lurleen.
-(door opens) -Homer?
Is there any room in that bed for a dad-burned fool?
Always has been.
Now I'd like to play a song I wrote just this minute.
It's called "Stand By Your Manager."
♪ His name is Homer ♪
♪ He's quite a man ♪
♪ I tried to kiss him ♪
♪ But Homer ran ♪
♪ Sure wish I could say ♪
♪ That I was his ♪
♪ I hope that Marge knows ♪
♪ Just how lucky she is ♪
I do.
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.