1 00:00:02,995 --> 00:00:06,294 ## The Simpsons ## 2 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:06,281 D'oh! 3 00:01:24,343 --> 00:01:27,471 Oh, no! I can't see. I'm blind. Blind! 4 00:01:28,747 --> 00:01:31,682 Ha, ha! April Fools'. 5 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,716 Yeah. Yeah. 6 00:01:37,823 --> 00:01:40,291 Ha, ha! April Fools'. 7 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:44,692 I've been keeping that carton of milk next to the furnace for six weeks. Sucker! 8 00:01:44,797 --> 00:01:47,265 You're goin' down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you. 9 00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,266 You talk better than you fool. 10 00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:51,427 I'll fool you up real nice. 11 00:01:51,537 --> 00:01:54,267 You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life... 12 00:01:54,373 --> 00:01:56,341 if you had an electrified fooling machine. 13 00:01:58,244 --> 00:02:01,907 P.U! 14 00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:05,780 Ah, what noble visionary thought up April Fools' Day? 15 00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:10,447 Like Halloween and Christmas, April Fools' Day traces its origins to pagan ritual. 16 00:02:10,556 --> 00:02:12,456 God bless those pagans. 17 00:02:12,558 --> 00:02:15,584 April first used to be the pagan new year. 18 00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:18,720 Blood for Baal! 19 00:02:18,831 --> 00:02:20,822 Blood for Baal! 20 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,026 Blood for Baal! 21 00:02:23,135 --> 00:02:27,128 The Christians changed their calendar and ridiculed those who didn't. 22 00:02:27,239 --> 00:02:30,174 - Happy New Year! - Hi-ho, pagans. 23 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:33,370 New Year's was three months ago, but here's a present anyhoo. 24 00:02:33,479 --> 00:02:36,107 It's ram's blood for your godless ceremony. 25 00:02:39,351 --> 00:02:43,082 April Fools'! 26 00:02:45,257 --> 00:02:48,818 Now who's laughing? Now who's laughing? 27 00:02:48,928 --> 00:02:52,091 And that's the story of April Fools' Day. 28 00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:55,394 - Dad, I was telling the story. - Oh, right. 29 00:02:59,571 --> 00:03:03,234 Thar she blows. The catch of the day. 30 00:03:03,342 --> 00:03:07,540 Arr, har, har, har, har, har, har, har. 31 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:09,546 Why, ye mutinous dogs. 32 00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,549 From this day, I be requiring hairnets. 33 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,017 - Arr. - Arr. - Arr. 34 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:20,955 Got to fool him before the day is out. But how? 35 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:23,324 He must have a weakness. 36 00:03:23,429 --> 00:03:28,230 Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles' heel, if you will. 37 00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:32,270 Beer. Beer is the cheese. But how to use it? 38 00:03:34,473 --> 00:03:37,738 Whoo! It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more... 39 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:41,779 or I'd have looked quite the fool, an April fool, as it were. 40 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:50,414 Hey, kid, that's for customers only. 41 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:54,117 Uh, did you know there's a guy outside handing out free Stri-Dex pads? 42 00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:58,185 - Wow! I'm in pizza-face paradise! - Moron. 43 00:04:12,244 --> 00:04:15,042 ĦAy! No es bueno. 44 00:04:17,249 --> 00:04:20,741 So thirsty. Eh, what are you gonna do? 45 00:04:35,934 --> 00:04:37,925 The following is a public service announcement. 46 00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:40,870 Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage... 47 00:04:40,973 --> 00:04:42,873 and cancer of the rectum. 48 00:04:42,975 --> 00:04:45,671 Mmm, beer. 49 00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:54,209 Hmm. 50 00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:59,154 April Foo-- 51 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:04,093 That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place. 52 00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:06,096 Forget it. That's two blocks away. 53 00:05:06,198 --> 00:05:08,928 Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney. 54 00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:11,764 I am proceeding on foot. Call in a code eight. 55 00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:14,600 We need pretzels. Repeat-- pretzels. 56 00:05:24,349 --> 00:05:28,752 Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. 57 00:05:28,854 --> 00:05:33,257 April Fools'. He's very much alive... 58 00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:36,816 although I'm afraid he may never walk again. 59 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:41,991 - Homie! - Marge! 60 00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:44,729 Mmm-mmm! 61 00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:47,431 Homer has many, many horrible problems. 62 00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:52,067 These shadows are brain lesions resulting from numerous blows to the head. 63 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,880 Ohh! 64 00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:06,857 Wow! 65 00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:10,690 Huh? 66 00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,250 And his brain waves are disturbingly erratic. 67 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:36,378 You are wired in to the rest of your family. 68 00:06:36,488 --> 00:06:41,516 You have the ability to shock them and they have the ability to shock-- 69 00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:44,187 just testing-- Whoa! 70 00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:47,026 Bart, how could you shock your little sister? 71 00:06:47,132 --> 00:06:49,259 My finger slipped-- Ahh! 72 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:52,531 So did mine-- 73 00:06:52,638 --> 00:06:54,572 Bart, Lisa, stop that! 74 00:06:57,609 --> 00:07:00,544 No, no! No! No, wait a minute! 75 00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:04,104 Wait! Wait! Folks! Folks, if I could-- Uh, uh-- 76 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,810 This is not the way to get healthy! 77 00:07:13,425 --> 00:07:16,451 Mrs. Simpson, can you think of anything to account for all this? 78 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,462 Mm, I have no idea. 79 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:22,159 Unless it was that time he kept falling down the cliff. 80 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,462 I won't jump anymore. I promise. 81 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:28,165 Oh, thank God! Thank God! Thank God! 82 00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:31,140 - I love you, Dad. - I love you too, son. 83 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:36,306 You know, boy, I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do right-- Huh? 84 00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:38,406 Wha-Wha-- Huh? Huh? 85 00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:44,188 Uhh! 86 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,849 I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it! 87 00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:50,087 This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! 88 00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:54,256 Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! I-- 89 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,245 Ow! 90 00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:15,043 Ow! Ow! Ow! 91 00:08:31,403 --> 00:08:33,371 Ahh-- Ow! 92 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:37,436 Hmm. That still wouldn't explain what I'm seeing here. 93 00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:41,103 - You look familiar. Have we met before? - Um-- 94 00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:49,882 Clear! Clear! 95 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,956 Doctor, he's gone. 96 00:08:52,057 --> 00:08:55,185 Oh! This is the part of the job I hate. 97 00:08:57,929 --> 00:09:00,261 You're a veterinarian? 98 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,458 That's right. And for an extra $20... 99 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,762 I'll give Homer a tick bath and then spay him. 100 00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:06,770 - Here you go, Doc. - Bart! 101 00:09:06,872 --> 00:09:09,170 Shop around. You can't beat that price. 102 00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:11,834 You guys must have been pretty worried about me? 103 00:09:11,943 --> 00:09:13,843 Hey, we know you're tough, Dad. 104 00:09:13,945 --> 00:09:16,379 Remember that time you got lost in the forest? 105 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,218 This is a trap. It's gonna catch us our dinner. Come on, boy. 106 00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:26,223 Shh! Just watch. 107 00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:30,158 Ooh! 108 00:09:31,496 --> 00:09:33,361 Aha! Got 'em! 109 00:09:39,104 --> 00:09:43,097 Okay, okay. This time I'll just go into the bushes over there... 110 00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,870 make a lot of noise and flush out a rabbit. 111 00:09:45,977 --> 00:09:49,743 - And when he comes out, you step on him. - Right, Dad. 112 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:55,375 Ahh! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! 113 00:10:03,295 --> 00:10:06,526 It's true. You have good coping skills. 114 00:10:17,509 --> 00:10:19,477 Your burgers are getting cold, guys-- 115 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,546 Holy Moly! 116 00:10:31,556 --> 00:10:33,717 Huh? 117 00:10:47,239 --> 00:10:51,198 And there's one Itchy and Scratchy cartoon I don't think we'll ever forget. 118 00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:09,259 - Why'd you bring that up? - It was an amusing episode... of our lives. 119 00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:11,921 Thanks for coming to visit me, Moe. 120 00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:16,364 - I, uh, brought you a little present. - No! No! Beer bring pain! 121 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:19,266 I can't stand to see him like this! 122 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,883 He really needs a girlfriend. 123 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:44,758 Oh, Marge, what if I wind up as some vegetable... 124 00:11:44,863 --> 00:11:47,229 watching TV on the couch? 125 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,062 My important work will never be completed. 126 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,659 Society's loss, I suppose. 127 00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:57,105 But our marriage has been through hard times, and we always pull through. 128 00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,997 Huh? Huh? Hmm? 129 00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:25,899 Marge! What a lovely surprise. 130 00:12:26,004 --> 00:12:29,371 - You're here to see me, right? - Of course. 131 00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:42,315 Hey, way to go, Homer! Way to go! 132 00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:44,149 Hey, what'll I tell the boss? 133 00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:49,159 Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love... 134 00:12:49,261 --> 00:12:52,822 and I won't be back for 1 0 minutes! 135 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,939 - You can do it, Homer. Standup. - I can't. 136 00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:05,942 He just won't budge. 137 00:13:06,044 --> 00:13:08,911 I've tried everything. Nothing can reach him. 138 00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:17,549 Mmm. Chocolate. 139 00:13:17,656 --> 00:13:21,217 Chocolate. Chocolate. 140 00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:38,843 Mmm! 141 00:13:55,694 --> 00:13:59,027 Wow! Chocolate. Half price. 142 00:14:06,504 --> 00:14:09,735 Chocolate. 143 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:26,250 Can't breathe. Sweet chocolate... cutting off air. 144 00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:33,388 Mmm! Nuts. 145 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,970 Oh, yeah! 146 00:14:41,573 --> 00:14:43,268 Poor Homer. 147 00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:47,311 This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. 148 00:14:49,581 --> 00:14:51,776 Kill it! Kill it! 149 00:14:51,883 --> 00:14:55,979 - Grampa, please. He's in a coma. - Coma? Pfftt. 150 00:14:56,087 --> 00:14:59,579 Why, I go in and out of comas all the-- 151 00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:02,890 French toast, please. 152 00:15:02,994 --> 00:15:05,827 - Is a coma painful? - Oh, heck no! 153 00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:10,060 You relive long-lost summers, kiss girls from high school. 154 00:15:10,168 --> 00:15:14,332 It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes. 155 00:15:14,439 --> 00:15:18,705 Mm. Yeah, well, anyway, I wonder what he's thinking now? 156 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:06,717 This man is costing my health plan $5,000 a day. 157 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:09,521 I demand that he die with dignity. 158 00:16:09,627 --> 00:16:12,460 Now, look, I'm the doctor here. 159 00:16:12,564 --> 00:16:14,498 Well, I demand a second opinion. 160 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:18,228 - Hi, everybody! - Hi, Dr. Nick. 161 00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:22,773 Oh, dear. I see no signs of life. 162 00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:26,776 -Just to be safe, we better pull the plug. - Yoink! 163 00:16:26,878 --> 00:16:29,938 Mr. Burns, how can you be so coldhearted? 164 00:16:30,048 --> 00:16:34,178 You have no idea, woman, what that man's put me through. 165 00:16:35,487 --> 00:16:38,012 Uh, Mr. Burns, I need to borrow some money. 166 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:41,752 - Oh, please, do go on. - I know you're a good man. 167 00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:44,420 And I have a dog that's very sick. 168 00:16:45,663 --> 00:16:47,631 Oh, please, continue. 169 00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:51,327 I thought maybe you-- Oh. 170 00:16:51,436 --> 00:16:54,371 - Well, thanks for your time. - Hmm. 171 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,976 I have an unorthodox solution-- a fantastic voyage, if you will. 172 00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:03,980 Three scientists-- one a beautiful woman-- 173 00:17:04,082 --> 00:17:06,482 will be shrunk to microscopic size. 174 00:17:06,584 --> 00:17:11,749 - They will then rendezvous in Mr. Simpson's lower colon. - Ew! 175 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:16,190 Well, we have had a little trouble finding volunteers. 176 00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:20,160 I wish I'd gotten to know you better, Dad. 177 00:17:20,265 --> 00:17:23,029 But there were times when we really connected. 178 00:17:25,637 --> 00:17:28,197 Hi, Dad. Want me to cut out this infernal racket? 179 00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:30,570 - Oh, let me hear you play. - Why? 180 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,575 Does a father have to explain? 181 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,202 Let's just share your gift, okay? 182 00:17:37,315 --> 00:17:40,341 Oh. 183 00:17:44,956 --> 00:17:47,516 Huh? 184 00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:50,560 Yeah! That's more like it! 185 00:17:50,662 --> 00:17:53,563 Ho ho. Whoo! 186 00:18:06,945 --> 00:18:09,379 I wrote this for you, Dad. 187 00:18:25,263 --> 00:18:28,130 Dad, I'm so sorry. 188 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,463 I know I haven't been a perfect kid. 189 00:18:51,055 --> 00:18:54,684 Why, you little-- 190 00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:06,496 What the-- D'oh! 191 00:19:30,161 --> 00:19:33,062 I know that I got you mad once in a while. 192 00:19:33,164 --> 00:19:35,132 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 193 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,428 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 194 00:19:37,535 --> 00:19:39,765 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 195 00:19:39,871 --> 00:19:42,032 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 196 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,506 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 197 00:19:44,609 --> 00:19:47,942 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 198 00:19:48,046 --> 00:19:50,480 And sometimes I got into trouble. 199 00:19:57,555 --> 00:20:01,821 - Bart, you can't go on like this. - I know. 200 00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:04,918 But you always looked out for me. 201 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:09,523 Homer, it's really coming down! Could you check on the boys? 202 00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:14,037 They're fine. 203 00:20:14,138 --> 00:20:19,166 And no matter what happens, I'll never forget the advice you gave me. 204 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:21,211 Now come on, you're gonna learn how to shave. 205 00:20:21,312 --> 00:20:26,682 And finally, the little spot under your nose. 206 00:20:26,784 --> 00:20:29,810 Next, we take some toilet paper... 207 00:20:29,921 --> 00:20:32,549 tear off some teensy little squares... 208 00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:37,617 and stick one there and there and anyplace you're bleeding. 209 00:20:37,729 --> 00:20:41,187 There and there. Don't worry. The blood'll hold it right on your face. 210 00:20:41,299 --> 00:20:44,029 And now, some aftershave. 211 00:20:49,107 --> 00:20:51,075 Son of a-- Ohh! 212 00:20:51,175 --> 00:20:53,575 And that's how we shave. 213 00:20:53,678 --> 00:20:55,703 Dad, it's all my fault. 214 00:20:55,813 --> 00:20:58,281 I shook up that can of beer. 215 00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:00,351 It was just an April Fools' joke. 216 00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,396 Why, you little-- 217 00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:20,028 - Homie, you're all right! - We're a family again! 218 00:21:26,944 --> 00:21:29,105 This calls for a celebration. 219 00:21:29,213 --> 00:21:31,943 We're all going to Hawaii. 220 00:21:32,050 --> 00:21:36,282 Gotcha! It's April Fools' for two more minutes. 221 00:21:36,387 --> 00:21:38,287 Dad, it's May 1 6. 222 00:21:38,389 --> 00:21:40,550 You were in that coma for seven weeks. 223 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:44,121 Uh-huh. 224 00:21:51,069 --> 00:21:53,629 You lost five percent of your brain. 225 00:21:53,738 --> 00:21:55,899 Me lose brain? Uh-oh! 226 00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:04,548 Why I laugh? 227 00:22:52,797 --> 00:22:54,765 Shh!