1 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:11,552 D'oh! 2 00:00:21,747 --> 00:00:24,189 ♪ Gather round, me buckos ♪ 3 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,416 ♪ A story I will tell ♪ 4 00:00:26,518 --> 00:00:28,252 ♪ Of a woman named Lily ♪ 5 00:00:28,353 --> 00:00:30,420 ♪ Who cast quite a spell ♪ 6 00:00:30,522 --> 00:00:32,606 ♪ It started back in Britain ♪ 7 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,700 ♪ It started in a pub... ♪ 8 00:00:34,893 --> 00:00:36,518 (overlapping shouting) 9 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,112 -She's mine. -It's my birthday. 10 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,189 She's mine. 11 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,766 (bagpipes honking) 12 00:00:42,826 --> 00:00:45,544 I can't be the cause of this. 13 00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:47,271 -I'm leaving. -MAN: Your fault! 14 00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:49,364 -(grunts) -(groans) 15 00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:52,367 ♪ We were fighting over Lily using knife, fork and club. ♪ 16 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:55,054 That's all I got. The rest will be spoken word. 17 00:00:55,247 --> 00:00:57,798 (guitar plays melody) 18 00:00:57,950 --> 00:00:59,224 Lily gets why we're here. 19 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,118 Life is supposed to be fun. 20 00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:02,953 I loved her. We all loved her. 21 00:01:03,013 --> 00:01:06,231 The way gophers love that sweet, sweet poison. 22 00:01:08,352 --> 00:01:11,719 Every man wanted her for the greatest reason there is. 23 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,847 Lily could make life fun. 24 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,365 ♪ ♪ 25 00:01:17,361 --> 00:01:20,470 Now everyone, hold hands with a stranger. 26 00:01:20,531 --> 00:01:22,155 -Oh, pleased to meet you. -(overlapping greetings) 27 00:01:22,308 --> 00:01:23,916 MAN: How delightful. 28 00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:25,918 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:30,005 Lily! (giggling) 30 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:35,010 -MAN: Good one, Lily. -(laughter, applause) 31 00:01:39,291 --> 00:01:41,558 (clock chiming) 32 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,845 -(electricity crackles) -(cheering) 33 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,087 MAN: Thanks, Lily! 34 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,755 Pub's back open! 35 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,109 But like The Beatles and balmy weather, 36 00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:52,427 she was too hot for England to handle. 37 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:56,097 I find you far too alluring for the average Englishman 38 00:01:56,117 --> 00:02:00,619 and banish you to Britain's penal colony, America. 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,198 This is your captain speaking. 40 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,960 -Will you date me? -Sorry. No. 41 00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:11,446 Uh, okay. I'm experiencing some emotional turbulence. 42 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,114 My life is pathetic. 43 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:16,468 Going back and forth, back and forth. 44 00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:19,454 (crying): I don't want to live anymore. 45 00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:24,143 WILLIE: Even the most glamorous movie stars of Hollywood bored her. 46 00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:26,887 Oh, farewell, Leo. You're a lovely boy, 47 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:30,649 but my heart isn't some CGI bear for you to conquer. 48 00:02:30,842 --> 00:02:33,301 But I've completely opened myself up to you. 49 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,687 I even admitted I play the same guy in every role. 50 00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,063 Marry me! 51 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,732 Oh, maybe I should go back to England. 52 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,884 No. Give this country a chance. 53 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:42,552 Don't judge us by Hollywood. 54 00:02:42,654 --> 00:02:44,388 All right, but I'm leaving now, dear. 55 00:02:44,406 --> 00:02:45,664 You'll have to content yourself 56 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:47,908 with generic supermodels, I'm afraid. 57 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,335 Nothing ever works out for me. 58 00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:52,987 WILLIE: She needed to get away. 59 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,731 Somewhere. Anywhere. 60 00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:56,733 So she threw a dart. 61 00:02:56,752 --> 00:02:58,552 Hmm, what's next? 62 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,638 ♪ ♪ 63 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,092 WILLIE: So she headed to Springfield, 64 00:03:06,245 --> 00:03:09,079 little knowing that its men had the lowest testosterone, 65 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:12,357 not counting the Columbia University football team. 66 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,102 Lily wanted peace, but the best-laid plans... 67 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,921 (babbles) 68 00:03:17,981 --> 00:03:20,106 Can't understand me? Too bad. 69 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,016 I'm your narrator. 70 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,851 Do not tell me... 71 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,121 (babbling) 72 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,598 Hmm. 73 00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:31,451 The only thing worse than when you guys yap 74 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,620 is you sitting here all quiet and sullen. 75 00:03:33,772 --> 00:03:36,215 I ain't sullen, I'm lachrymose. 76 00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:39,551 Oh, why did I give him that stupid word-a-day calendar? 77 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,012 Hmm. Impulsinicity? 78 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:44,448 Uh, excuse me, there, lady, 79 00:03:44,508 --> 00:03:46,558 but, uh, this is a man's bar. 80 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:50,562 And I'd like a man's drink. Bourbon, neat, in a dirty glass. 81 00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:52,231 You got it. Whoa. 82 00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:54,650 Just got to look up what "neat" means. 83 00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,753 I just don't understand. 84 00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,387 Understand what? 85 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,889 What's a pub without a song? 86 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:06,820 ♪ At the pub at the crossroads, there's whiskey and beer... ♪ 87 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,914 There are songs about drinking? 88 00:04:09,107 --> 00:04:13,585 ♪ There's brandy, strong cognac that's aging for years ♪ 89 00:04:13,778 --> 00:04:17,923 ♪ But for killing the thirst and for easing the gout ♪ 90 00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:22,243 ♪ There's nothing at all beats a pint of good stout ♪ 91 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:25,171 ♪ Pint of good stout. ♪ 92 00:04:26,124 --> 00:04:27,991 Oh, what's that I hear you asking? 93 00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,584 Where are the Simpsons? 94 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,162 Haven't you heard enough about the bloody Simpsons 95 00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,331 to last a thousand lifetimes? 96 00:04:34,391 --> 00:04:36,257 Well, I guess not. 97 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:40,028 So, Homer is about to receive an unpleasant surprise. 98 00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,355 What a great day. 99 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,858 I've never been so happy. 100 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,619 Nothing can ruin it. Nothing. 101 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,121 What? Where you going? 102 00:04:49,314 --> 00:04:50,847 On our vacation, remember? 103 00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:53,350 My aunt's letting us use her home at the Vineyard 104 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:55,777 for three weeks, rent-free. 105 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,370 How come I'm not coming? 106 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,689 Well, that was her one condition. 107 00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,374 D'oh! 108 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,194 Aw, I'm gonna miss you all so much. 109 00:05:04,212 --> 00:05:05,637 Well, at least I'll have the dog. 110 00:05:05,789 --> 00:05:08,698 Sorry, Dad. We put the pets with Mr. Flanders 111 00:05:08,759 --> 00:05:11,868 because, well, we knew he'd take care of them. 112 00:05:11,887 --> 00:05:12,978 (whistling) 113 00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:15,314 -Come to papa. -(barking, meowing) 114 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,057 (grunts) Good, good. 115 00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,299 Make-believe you love him. 116 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,227 -Flanders, I love you! -D'oh! 117 00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:24,397 We're staying at my Aunt Edith's house at Hyannibunkport. 118 00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:27,233 It's south of Squibagansett, east of Codtucket, 119 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,219 next to Little Crabkill Bog. 120 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,738 Those are great names. You'll never want to leave. 121 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:35,250 I'm gonna keep you in my sight as long as I can. 122 00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,004 -♪ ♪ -(thunder rumbles) 123 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,086 (horn honking) 124 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:49,255 We love you! Stop following! 125 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,832 (fading): Okay. 126 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,559 (horn honks) 127 00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:56,355 (buzzing) 128 00:05:56,548 --> 00:06:00,417 ♪ ...drink it up, then throw me out the door ♪ 129 00:06:00,519 --> 00:06:02,419 ♪ I've traveled in England ♪ 130 00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:05,088 ♪ I've traveled in France ♪ 131 00:06:05,107 --> 00:06:10,427 ♪ At a hint of good music, I'll sing or I'll dance ♪ 132 00:06:10,445 --> 00:06:15,265 ♪ So hear me, then, mister, and pour me one more... ♪ 133 00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:17,267 Gentlemen... 134 00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:21,588 ♪ If I can't drink it up, then throw me out the door. ♪ 135 00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:24,699 (laughter) 136 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,219 You have to seize life and relish every minute. 137 00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:29,054 Eliminate all sorrow. 138 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,706 Open a bloody window. 139 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,558 ♪ Hallelujah. ♪ 140 00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,685 Okay, okay, that's enough of that. 141 00:06:36,721 --> 00:06:39,289 (Satanic music plays) 142 00:06:39,391 --> 00:06:41,641 ♪ Hallelujah. ♪ 143 00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,551 (Satanic music plays) 144 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,237 -♪ Ha... ♪ -(Satanic music plays) 145 00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:47,889 Hey, Lily, you like suspenders? 'Cause I got them. 146 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,984 Well, I hope you don't mind if I give them a wee snap. 147 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,653 -(laughs softly) -Ooh! Intimacy. 148 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:57,641 Lily, you've transformed this dump into a joint. Bless you. 149 00:06:57,701 --> 00:06:59,233 (crying) 150 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,661 (moans sadly) 151 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,423 -♪ ♪ -(gasps) 152 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,425 (sighs) 153 00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,245 Who are you? 154 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,598 -Homer Simpson. -You know, Homer, 155 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:17,102 I've never met a man who didn't offer me his chair or his beer. 156 00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:19,329 -You have now. -So, tell me, 157 00:07:19,389 --> 00:07:20,847 what's wrong with you? 158 00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:22,256 Mm, it's personal. 159 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:25,259 Tell me. Maybe I can lighten your load. 160 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,171 -My family left me for three weeks. -No. 161 00:07:28,231 --> 00:07:30,356 The dog and cat are with Flanders. 162 00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:31,675 Oh! 163 00:07:31,735 --> 00:07:34,286 I'm alone. I don't know what to do. 164 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,457 You have to have a good time for their sake, 165 00:07:38,650 --> 00:07:40,850 because if you don't, they'll feel guilty 166 00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:42,018 and never forgive you. 167 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,795 And you'll never forgive them, 168 00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:46,022 because they're causing you the misery. 169 00:07:46,124 --> 00:07:48,115 And you'll all be buried in dirty laundry 170 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,635 with squealing kids for the rest of your days. 171 00:07:50,828 --> 00:07:52,545 Wow. Wow. 172 00:07:52,698 --> 00:07:56,123 You're the smartest woman I've ever met in my life. 173 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,684 Except one. 174 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,386 Shut the window! 175 00:08:00,539 --> 00:08:01,813 But then everything smells like you. 176 00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:04,465 -(both grunting) -Take that. 177 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,693 (phone ringing) 178 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:15,160 ♪ Anticipation ♪ 179 00:08:15,353 --> 00:08:21,241 ♪ Anticipation is making me late... ♪ 180 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,243 Welcome to our tour of the Vineyard. 181 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:26,988 This is where Steven Spielberg shot Jaws. 182 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,823 That's the end of our tour. 183 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,084 Now, my aunt's house is only eight miles away. 184 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,387 But we just have to make it before sundown. 185 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,911 Uh, Mom, I think you've gone off the road. 186 00:08:41,972 --> 00:08:43,913 Whoa, watch out for that deer! 187 00:08:43,974 --> 00:08:45,339 (gasps) 188 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:48,109 -That was close. -(shouts) More deer! 189 00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:51,696 (thudding, tires screeching) 190 00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,514 (sighs) We're here. 191 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,683 -(thunder crashes) -(groans) 192 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,202 -(laughter) -CARL: Your turn, Lily. 193 00:08:57,395 --> 00:08:59,445 (clicking, beeping) 194 00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,355 (fanfare plays) 195 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,432 (moans) 196 00:09:02,492 --> 00:09:05,785 I miss them. I miss them. 197 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:09,530 It's been so long. No one to comfort me. 198 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:14,052 Put your mobile away, because I'm gonna sing in German. 199 00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:17,088 ♪ Vor der Kaserne ♪ 200 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,540 ♪ Vor dem grossen Tor ♪ 201 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,376 ♪ Stand eine Laterne ♪ 202 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,621 ♪ Und steht sie noch davor... ♪ 203 00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:27,290 This is like that beautiful scene in Sound of Music 204 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:30,310 when all the Nazis sang good night. 205 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:35,056 ♪ Wie einst Lili Marleen ♪ 206 00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,983 ♪ Wie einst ♪ 207 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,120 ♪ Lili Marleen. ♪ 208 00:09:41,773 --> 00:09:44,499 If you're done singing, can we turn up the game? 209 00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:50,071 (gasps, cries) 210 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,998 -(crying) -What's wrong, lady? 211 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,183 We miss you inside. 212 00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:55,835 A good bloke who never had a break, 213 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,153 and now has a broken spirit. 214 00:09:57,255 --> 00:09:59,322 He's lost and lonely, 215 00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:02,158 and really doesn't give a fig about me. 216 00:10:02,218 --> 00:10:05,419 -I'm in love. -I love him, too. 217 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,105 (both sigh) 218 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,519 Okay. The sun is shining. 219 00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:16,689 (exhales) I can finally read my book. 220 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,524 (seabird chirping) 221 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:22,287 Hello, nature. Time to meet your death. 222 00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:25,957 ♪ ♪ 223 00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:27,792 (gasps) Bart, those are tick bites! 224 00:10:27,985 --> 00:10:29,369 You'll get Lyme disease. 225 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,421 Why didn't somebody warn me? 226 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:37,260 -(Marge grunts) -(groans) 227 00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:40,287 Get me a priest. 228 00:10:40,349 --> 00:10:43,032 Mom, I always liked you. 229 00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:44,717 Oh, honey, try to relax. 230 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,202 Watch Itchy & Scratchy! 231 00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:48,480 I am itchy and scratchy. 232 00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:50,815 Meanwhile, Homer little dreamed that... 233 00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,226 Willie! Do you think it would kill you to rake and talk? 234 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,320 Would you rather I tell the story 235 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:58,047 about what's under these leaves and dirt? 236 00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,473 (Skinner groans) 237 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,143 Oh. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Carry on. 238 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,569 (chuckles nervously) 239 00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:06,147 Getting back, Lily continued to light up 240 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,334 all the men's lives, except Homer's. 241 00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,318 BOTH: Lily! 242 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,395 Gentlemen. 243 00:11:12,455 --> 00:11:14,155 I made you all picnic lunches. 244 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:15,231 -Yeah! -Wow! 245 00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:16,157 It's British food. 246 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,083 BOTH: Oh... 247 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,252 Post-1990 British food. 248 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,586 BOTH: Yes! 249 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,764 ♪ ♪ 250 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,687 Smithers, that woman has captivated me, 251 00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:30,096 which, if memory serves, 252 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,190 is an early state of physical arousal. 253 00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:33,841 Sir, we've been through this before 254 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,753 with several women and one very shapely tree. 255 00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,196 I feel a tingle I haven't felt 256 00:11:38,389 --> 00:11:40,014 since they took the cocaine out of Coca-Cola. 257 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,849 I must woo her. 258 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,702 And Simpson's my way in. 259 00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:45,686 Have him ask her on a date on my boat 260 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,872 which will actually be a date with me. 261 00:11:48,024 --> 00:11:50,858 But, sir, why not have me ask her directly? 262 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,452 (laughs) As if I could trust you 263 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,103 to keep your hands off a lady. 264 00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:56,956 (forced chuckle) How well you know me, sir. 265 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,217 ♪ ♪ 266 00:12:01,337 --> 00:12:03,430 HOMER: Uh-oh. 267 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,373 Very good, Maggie! 268 00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:09,185 Now we can cook them. Num-num! 269 00:12:13,591 --> 00:12:15,900 (horn blares) 270 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,551 Who are all those people? 271 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,979 It's the weekenders from Falmouth. 272 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,297 (horn blares) 273 00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:22,723 It's almost here. 274 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:25,702 And raise the prices... 275 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,711 ...now! 276 00:12:41,336 --> 00:12:42,335 Clam strips and beer! 277 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,411 MAN: Black Dog mousepads! 278 00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:45,838 -MAN 2: Over here! -MAN 3: T-shirts! 279 00:12:45,991 --> 00:12:48,183 MAN 4: CDs by James Taylor's brother! 280 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,253 -Hyah! -Hyah! 281 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,847 ALL: Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! 282 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,275 That's it! We're going home. 283 00:12:59,971 --> 00:13:03,764 Everyone was innocently falling into Burns's trap. 284 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:08,620 And trouble brewed as Lily offered a perverse prayer. 285 00:13:08,813 --> 00:13:10,604 -♪ ♪ -(seabird screeching) 286 00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,031 (bell dings) 287 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:13,958 LILY: Forgive me, Lord. 288 00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,293 I must have Homer. 289 00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,353 Please let me win him, even briefly. 290 00:13:17,372 --> 00:13:20,023 It would be like having a lover and a child 291 00:13:20,124 --> 00:13:21,716 at the same time. 292 00:13:23,878 --> 00:13:25,361 Hey, Lily. How you doin'? 293 00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:27,806 Homer! I'm so glad you asked me to meet you here. 294 00:13:27,999 --> 00:13:29,474 Thanks, I'm glad you feel that way. 295 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,292 But there's something I didn't tell you. 296 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,719 Uh... you're on a date with my boss. 297 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:34,887 That's my boat. 298 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,223 ♪ ♪ 299 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,484 My name is Montgomery Burns. 300 00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:43,046 I'm the richest and therefore most attractive man in town. 301 00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,213 Okay, see ya. 302 00:13:44,274 --> 00:13:45,715 Wait, wait, wait, Mr. Burns! 303 00:13:45,775 --> 00:13:48,159 Surely a venerable gentleman such as yourself 304 00:13:48,352 --> 00:13:50,311 would know that I need a chaperone. 305 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:52,555 Of course. Simpson, join us. 306 00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:55,083 Smithers, cue my weapon of woo. 307 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,963 ♪ ♪ 308 00:14:00,957 --> 00:14:03,174 I know a shortcut. 309 00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:10,849 HOMER: Why am I staring at her? 310 00:14:11,042 --> 00:14:13,017 I'll make my eyes look at something else. 311 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,191 Oh, my God. 312 00:14:20,384 --> 00:14:22,277 I'm smiling back. 313 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,199 I hope you enjoyed your dinner. (chuckles) 314 00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:30,517 And just wait till we get to dessert. 315 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,186 You make me feel like I'm having dinner 316 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:33,854 with a James Bond villain. 317 00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:35,022 (chuckles) 318 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,207 She gets me. 319 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,418 Now, wink for me, Smithers. 320 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,505 (chuckling) 321 00:14:45,242 --> 00:14:47,218 (sighs) What am I doing here? 322 00:14:50,915 --> 00:14:53,783 HOMER: What have I done to this wonderful woman? 323 00:14:53,885 --> 00:14:56,144 How can I make it up to her? 324 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:58,955 I'm sorry. 325 00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,381 Why did you bring me here? 326 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,715 Fear of unemployment. 327 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,569 Um, let's just stay through dessert. 328 00:15:06,356 --> 00:15:08,239 Look at me! I'm Gypsy Rose Lee! 329 00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:11,150 You and me and my cardiologist make three! 330 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,227 Sorry, I have to leave right now. 331 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,579 Oh. But why? 332 00:15:14,772 --> 00:15:17,640 I just spilled a glass of wine on myself. 333 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,083 Also, this bottle. 334 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,294 Homer, let's go. 335 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:23,829 Whoa. 336 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,590 That was awful. 337 00:15:25,741 --> 00:15:27,316 There's some people that make you feel 338 00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:29,652 being lonely isn't so bad. 339 00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:31,412 And there are people that make you 340 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,080 never want to be lonely again. 341 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,933 (laughs) I hear ya. 342 00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:36,342 And I almost understand ya. 343 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,994 Thank God you were there to save me. 344 00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:39,420 That's what I'm best at: 345 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,755 saving people from things I get them into. 346 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,424 (giggles) You've got a little cake 347 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,776 on the corner of your mouth. 348 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,018 Oh, I do? Where? 349 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,353 -Just here. -There? 350 00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:48,838 -Just there. -Oh-- Where? 351 00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:50,690 -Right there? -Just-- You're missing it. 352 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,191 -There? -Just to the... 353 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,285 -Oh, just let me do it. -Okay. 354 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,121 You can stop now. 355 00:15:57,314 --> 00:16:00,016 Uh... I meant go slow. 356 00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:01,534 Uh, wait a minute, wait. 357 00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:03,628 While you're there, could you get the upper lip? 358 00:16:06,374 --> 00:16:08,357 (laughs softly) Oh, my God, 359 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:09,950 what am I going to do with you? 360 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:10,802 Please, nothing. 361 00:16:10,995 --> 00:16:12,971 I'm taking you home now. 362 00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:17,308 ♪ ♪ 363 00:16:28,771 --> 00:16:31,472 Well, aren't you going to walk me in? 364 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,991 (whimpers) 365 00:16:33,184 --> 00:16:34,659 Look, Lily. 366 00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:36,310 You're the most... Um... 367 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,495 Finish that thought. 368 00:16:37,688 --> 00:16:39,238 You're the most anything of any woman 369 00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:40,723 I've ever known except for my wife. 370 00:16:40,742 --> 00:16:42,892 Who I loved-- I mean love! I said "love!" 371 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:43,668 Oh, that's beautiful. 372 00:16:43,819 --> 00:16:45,152 Thank you. 373 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,321 But give me one damn proper kiss goodbye. 374 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,673 No. 375 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,175 ♪ ♪ 376 00:16:51,368 --> 00:16:53,069 (Homer whimpering) 377 00:16:53,129 --> 00:16:55,430 (moaning) 378 00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:00,409 No. No! 379 00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:01,594 This is good, 380 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,521 but is it worth burning in hell forever? 381 00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,097 We'll see each other in our dreams, 382 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,357 whether you like it or not. 383 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,175 You stay out of my dreams! 384 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,028 All my stuff's in there! 385 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,410 Gotta stay awake. If I dream of Lily, it's all over. 386 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,023 Gotta stay awake. Gotta stay awake. 387 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,767 Must not dream. 388 00:17:24,786 --> 00:17:28,421 Gotta stay awake. Gotta stay awake. 389 00:17:28,572 --> 00:17:29,622 Oh, no. 390 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,698 (snores) 391 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,109 ♪ ♪ 392 00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,627 (giggles) 393 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:37,280 You've got a little cake on the corner of your mouth. 394 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:39,965 -Homer? Homer? -(mutters) She's here. 395 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,801 She's here and God help me, 396 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,286 -I'm glad. -Homer. 397 00:17:43,387 --> 00:17:45,137 -Marge! -Surprise! 398 00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:46,547 We came back early. 399 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,457 Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God! 400 00:17:48,559 --> 00:17:50,401 I'll never let you go a... 401 00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:51,460 (phone vibrates) 402 00:17:51,521 --> 00:17:52,987 Who's calling you so late? 403 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:55,073 Telemarketer. 404 00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,799 Gotta take it. 405 00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:59,118 Those people are so sensitive. 406 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,806 -Hello? -(falsetto): Wrong number! 407 00:18:03,866 --> 00:18:05,308 -Homer? -Damn it! 408 00:18:05,368 --> 00:18:07,660 -I need to see you now, Homer. -(whimpers) 409 00:18:07,812 --> 00:18:09,069 You know the address. 410 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,314 Lovers Lane, just off Fidelity Avenue. 411 00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:13,240 Listen. I have to tell you right now 412 00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,926 I can never see you again. 413 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:16,743 Can you tell me in person? 414 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,245 Great idea. 415 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,264 Keep me on the line. I'll guide you here. 416 00:18:20,416 --> 00:18:21,582 Ooh... 417 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,509 You realize nothing's gonna happen. 418 00:18:23,661 --> 00:18:25,252 Of course. 419 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:28,998 ♪ I promise you chocolate and kisses ♪ 420 00:18:29,058 --> 00:18:33,169 ♪ Martinis with lemon drops... ♪ 421 00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:35,095 ♪ ♪ 422 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,022 No, feet! No! 423 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,991 (sighs) 424 00:18:40,144 --> 00:18:41,527 ♪ I just woke up ♪ 425 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:46,666 ♪ And made you pork chops... ♪ 426 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,110 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 427 00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,188 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 428 00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:54,540 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 429 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,950 -♪ La, la, la ♪ -MARGE: ♪ La, la, la ♪ 430 00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,378 -LILY: ♪ La, la, la ♪ -MARGE: ♪ La, la, la ♪ 431 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,031 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 432 00:19:02,091 --> 00:19:06,218 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 433 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,630 ♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪ 434 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,149 Pork chops! 435 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,391 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 436 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,318 ♪ La, la, la ♪ 437 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:18,656 ♪ La, la, la. ♪ 438 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,749 You're home. 439 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:21,659 Yes, I am. 440 00:19:21,852 --> 00:19:23,052 And I'll never leave you. 441 00:19:23,154 --> 00:19:24,662 There might be frequent interruptions. 442 00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:25,997 I may stop at Moe's, 443 00:19:26,190 --> 00:19:27,814 I may be watching the hot dogs spin 444 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,167 at the movie theater, 445 00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:32,486 or I may be picking a flower for you... 446 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,581 but I will never, ever leave you. 447 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,675 Aw, Homie. 448 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:42,722 (sobbing) 449 00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:49,520 ANNOUNCER: Now boarding, non-stop Springfield to London. 450 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,189 Sorry, lady. 451 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,087 How was America, dear? 452 00:19:58,147 --> 00:19:59,680 There's nothing there for me. 453 00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:02,033 It's big, full of fried food, and heartbreaking... 454 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,276 and that's just one man. 455 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,954 There'll never be another like him. 456 00:20:10,493 --> 00:20:11,951 Buy you a drink, sweetheart? 457 00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,118 No. 458 00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,453 Fancy a drink? 459 00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:15,287 No, thank you. 460 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,048 Would you get-- No. 461 00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:18,382 No. No thanks. 462 00:20:18,575 --> 00:20:19,700 Get off. 463 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,385 BRITISH MAN: Buy you a corndog? 464 00:20:21,578 --> 00:20:24,388 (gasps) Yes! But first, are you married? 465 00:20:24,581 --> 00:20:26,557 And would you shave off the mustache? 466 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,227 Yes, and immediately. 467 00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:32,230 ♪ ♪ 468 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:49,288 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 469 00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:24,657 Shh!