1 00:00:04,101 --> 00:00:07,434 " The Simpsons " 2 00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:12,609 D'oh! 3 00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:47,001 Core meltdown in 10 seconds. 4 00:00:47,111 --> 00:00:49,511 Nine, eight-- 5 00:00:49,613 --> 00:00:51,513 Meltdown averted. Good boy.! 6 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,096 What? 7 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,598 How dare you disturb me during nap time? 8 00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,601 We're from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. 9 00:01:12,703 --> 00:01:14,694 This is a surprise test of worker competence. 10 00:01:14,805 --> 00:01:16,705 There must be some mistake. 11 00:01:16,807 --> 00:01:19,241 We, uh-- We make cookies here. 12 00:01:19,343 --> 00:01:21,743 Mr. Burns's Old-Fashioned Good-Time Extra-Chewy-- 13 00:01:21,845 --> 00:01:23,745 Get the ax. 14 00:01:27,518 --> 00:01:31,113 The watchdog of public safety. Is there any lower form of life? 15 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:35,681 Don't worry, sir. I rounded up our less-gifted employees and led them into the basement. 16 00:01:37,795 --> 00:01:40,423 Duh, Homer, why are we down here? 17 00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:44,524 Oh, geez! I told ya, Bernie-- to guard the bee! 18 00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:47,536 - But why? - Oh, you guys are pathetic. 19 00:01:47,638 --> 00:01:51,074 No wonder Smithers made me head bee guy. 20 00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:56,201 - Uh, it's gettin' away. - Oh, we did bad! 21 00:01:56,313 --> 00:01:59,111 Hey! Uhh! Oh! Hey! Come back! 22 00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:01,707 Is there a Homer Simpson present? 23 00:02:01,819 --> 00:02:04,014 No, I'm afraid he couldn't ''bee'' here. 24 00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:08,023 Oh, yes, he's in Geneva... 25 00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:10,025 chairing a conference on nuclear fission. 26 00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:11,856 Yes, that should stick. 27 00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:15,155 D'oh! The bee bit my bottom! 28 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:16,892 Now my bottom's big! 29 00:02:18,569 --> 00:02:20,696 Homer, this is an exact replica of your workstation. 30 00:02:20,804 --> 00:02:22,169 Hmm? 31 00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:25,503 Now we're going to simulate a power surge in core sector 8. 32 00:02:25,609 --> 00:02:27,907 What the hell are you talking about? 33 00:02:29,113 --> 00:02:32,241 What do I do? What do I do? 34 00:02:32,349 --> 00:02:34,749 In the name of God, you've gotta tell me! 35 00:02:34,852 --> 00:02:37,719 Relax. It's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong. 36 00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:40,415 Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go. 37 00:02:43,093 --> 00:02:45,653 Oh! Ohh! 38 00:02:45,763 --> 00:02:48,231 Oh, no. No! This can't be happening! 39 00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:58,434 For the love of God, sir! There are two seats! 40 00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,510 I like to put my feet up. 41 00:03:15,392 --> 00:03:18,657 Must destroy mankind. 42 00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:21,663 Ooh! Lunchtime. 43 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,766 We're still not sure how he caused the meltdown. 44 00:03:25,869 --> 00:03:27,996 There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck! 45 00:03:28,105 --> 00:03:30,005 Very well. It's time for your bribe. 46 00:03:30,107 --> 00:03:34,066 Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing... 47 00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:37,841 or you can trade it all in for what's in this box. 48 00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:39,848 The box. The box! 49 00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:43,716 Burns, this is a big problem. You just can't throw money at it and make it go away. 50 00:03:43,821 --> 00:03:45,721 Gentlemen, I've decided there will be no investigation. 51 00:03:45,823 --> 00:03:48,348 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go away. 52 00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:53,260 You're in big trouble, Burns. Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics. 53 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:56,764 You get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action. 54 00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,767 Is that so? 55 00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:01,269 Well, I have the feeling you'll be... 56 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,532 dropping the charges. 57 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:08,038 - The painters moved your desk, sir. - Oh, yes. 58 00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:16,312 Hello, Simpson. My lawyers and I were in the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by. 59 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:19,651 Would you like to come in for tea and marshmallow squares? 60 00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:23,317 Yes, he would. 61 00:04:23,427 --> 00:04:26,555 - So you want me to go to college? - College? 62 00:04:26,663 --> 00:04:28,824 - Ha! Barber or clown? - Bart! 63 00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:31,833 Remember, your job and the future of your family... 64 00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:34,369 hinges on your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 1 01 . 65 00:04:34,471 --> 00:04:36,871 Oh, and one more thing. 66 00:04:36,974 --> 00:04:39,272 You must find the jade monkey... 67 00:04:39,376 --> 00:04:41,776 before the next full moon. 68 00:04:41,879 --> 00:04:43,779 Actually, sir, we found the jade monkey. 69 00:04:43,881 --> 00:04:45,781 It was in your glove compartment. 70 00:04:45,883 --> 00:04:48,351 - And the road maps and ice scraper? - They were in there too, sir. 71 00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,352 Excellent! 72 00:04:50,454 --> 00:04:52,445 It's all falling into place. 73 00:04:52,556 --> 00:04:56,117 I think this is a great opportunity. You could learn so much. 74 00:04:56,226 --> 00:04:59,457 Maybe you're right. I did always want to go to college. 75 00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:02,031 But fate stood in the way. 76 00:05:04,334 --> 00:05:07,235 Homer, sign this application and you're a shoo-in. 77 00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:12,240 That dog has somebody's ham! This I gotta see! 78 00:05:14,344 --> 00:05:17,245 Give me that ham, you stupid dog! 79 00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,616 Dad, don't let these application essays throw you. 80 00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:32,627 Let's see: ''List your three favorite books and how they've influenced your life.'' 81 00:05:32,729 --> 00:05:35,220 - Is TVGuide a book? Son of Sniglet? - No. No. 82 00:05:35,332 --> 00:05:36,959 - Katherine Hepburn's Me? - No! 83 00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:38,762 Ohh! I suck! 84 00:05:38,869 --> 00:05:43,829 It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever. 85 00:05:43,941 --> 00:05:45,841 You the man, Homer! 86 00:05:45,943 --> 00:05:48,844 Thanks, boy. Now for the crowning touch. 87 00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,949 I don't know, Dad. Don't you have a better picture? 88 00:05:54,051 --> 00:05:56,019 Relax. A photo can't make any difference. 89 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,687 - He looks crazy. - Agreed. 90 00:06:04,328 --> 00:06:05,295 Reading his essay would only waste valuable seconds. 91 00:06:05,362 --> 00:06:06,329 Finally, the great taste of Worcestershire Sauce... 92 00:06:06,396 --> 00:06:07,363 in a soft drink.! 93 00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:09,160 Ahh.! Steaky.! 94 00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:12,463 Sorry, son, but there's a program about campus life that I really should watch. 95 00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:14,935 We now return to School of Hard Knockers... 96 00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:16,938 starring Corey Masterson. 97 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:21,602 Dean Bitterman, I hope nothing unsavory happens during my visit. 98 00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:24,510 As you know, I am the president of the United States. 99 00:06:24,615 --> 00:06:29,518 Oh, don't worry. I've expelled those rowdy members of Chug-a-Lug House. 100 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:32,589 Oh, I hate that lousy dean. 101 00:06:34,558 --> 00:06:36,788 Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger. 102 00:06:36,893 --> 00:06:38,827 Mm-kay! 103 00:06:42,266 --> 00:06:44,166 Cory! 104 00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:46,463 Don't worry, Mr. President. 105 00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:49,232 I-- Mr. President! 106 00:06:49,339 --> 00:06:51,239 Lighten up, Bitterman! 107 00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:54,242 That youngster will make a perfect addition to my cabinet. 108 00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:57,541 Secretary of partying down! 109 00:07:00,817 --> 00:07:03,081 Yes! Take that, Bitterman! 110 00:07:03,186 --> 00:07:06,644 Homie, here are the responses from the colleges you applied to. 111 00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:09,490 D'oh! 112 00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:11,493 D'oh! D'oh! 113 00:07:11,595 --> 00:07:14,428 Whoo-hoo! A flyer for a hardware store! 114 00:07:14,531 --> 00:07:16,931 - D'oh! - Pop, what are you gonna do? 115 00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:21,266 Something I should have done a long time ago. 116 00:07:23,307 --> 00:07:25,901 - You don't know, do you? - No, ma'am. 117 00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,909 Don't worry, Simpson. 118 00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:31,913 It just so happens I have a chair at Springfield University. 119 00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:38,152 I'm sorry, Mr. Burns, but I must object. 120 00:07:38,255 --> 00:07:40,815 This Simpson is not qualified. 121 00:07:40,924 --> 00:07:42,824 I see. 122 00:07:42,926 --> 00:07:45,827 Well, you know, fellas, I look at the admissions board a lot like a baseball team. 123 00:07:45,929 --> 00:07:47,829 You all like baseball, don't you? 124 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:54,103 Yes, well, to have a successful baseball club you need teamwork. 125 00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:57,799 Not some hot-dog admissions officer playing by his own rules! 126 00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,676 Excuse me. What are you doing? 127 00:08:05,782 --> 00:08:08,216 I'm giving you the beating of your life! 128 00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:10,218 Look, if-- Stop that. 129 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,379 If you wanted him that badly, why didn't you just say so? 130 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:17,417 Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage. 131 00:08:17,527 --> 00:08:20,087 Whoo-hoo! I'm a college man! 132 00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:23,428 I won't need my high school diploma anymore! 133 00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:26,730 " I am so smart I am so smart " 134 00:08:26,837 --> 00:08:29,965 " I am so smart I am so smart " 135 00:08:30,073 --> 00:08:33,167 " S-M-R-T I mean, S-M-A-R-R-T " 136 00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:44,643 My first day of college. I wish my father was alive to see this. 137 00:08:44,755 --> 00:08:46,052 Hey! 138 00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:48,488 - How long have you been back there? - Three days. 139 00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,958 Nerd! 140 00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:55,964 Homer-- That isn't very nice. 141 00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,966 Marge, try to understand. 142 00:08:58,068 --> 00:09:01,162 There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds. 143 00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,432 As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time. 144 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:04,837 - Hey, pal! Did you get a load of the nerd? - Pardon me? 145 00:09:21,858 --> 00:09:24,486 I'll be a campus hero. 146 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,597 Attention, everyone. 147 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,065 The punch has been spiked! 148 00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:35,570 Don't worry. Your parents have been called and will be here to pick you up shortly! 149 00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:36,798 Yea! 150 00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:40,308 Marge, someone squeezed all the life out of these kids. 151 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:43,038 And unless movies and TV have lied to me... 152 00:09:43,146 --> 00:09:45,671 it's a crusty, bitter, old dean. 153 00:09:45,782 --> 00:09:48,683 Hi there. Hello. I'm Dean Peterson, but you can call me Bobby. 154 00:09:48,785 --> 00:09:52,846 I just want you to know, if you ever feel stressed out from studying or whatever... 155 00:09:52,956 --> 00:09:55,186 I'm always up for some Hacky Sack. 156 00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:59,820 Or if you just want to come by and jam, I used to be the bass player for the Pretenders. 157 00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:05,800 Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt. 158 00:10:07,637 --> 00:10:11,664 Good morning and welcome to Nuclear Physics 1 01 . 159 00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:15,871 I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying-- 160 00:10:15,979 --> 00:10:19,073 ''Out with the old, in with the nucleus.'' 161 00:10:20,517 --> 00:10:22,576 Now we'll begin by-- Oops. 162 00:10:27,157 --> 00:10:29,625 Ah, did you see that jerk? 163 00:10:32,095 --> 00:10:34,086 Dropped his notes! 164 00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:41,503 Now, if anyone would like to stay... 165 00:10:41,605 --> 00:10:44,233 I'm going to hold a comprehensive review session after every class. 166 00:10:44,341 --> 00:10:46,070 - Do we have to? - No. 167 00:10:46,176 --> 00:10:49,737 Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye. 168 00:10:55,352 --> 00:10:57,252 Whoo-hoo! 169 00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:04,588 Homer, we have a perfectly good bookcase. 170 00:11:04,694 --> 00:11:07,322 Yeah, but this is what they're doing on campus. 171 00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:11,127 Besides, it isn't costing us. I swiped the cinder blocks from a construction site. 172 00:11:12,669 --> 00:11:14,637 Sir, six cinder blocks are missing. 173 00:11:14,738 --> 00:11:17,969 There'll be no hospital then. I'll tell the children. 174 00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:21,202 This proton accelerator destabilizes the atom... 175 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,779 in this chamber here, then propels it-- 176 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280 Uh, excuse me, Professor Brainiac... 177 00:11:26,383 --> 00:11:29,682 but I worked in a nuclear power plant for 1 0 years... 178 00:11:29,786 --> 00:11:33,119 and, uh, I think I know how a proton accelerator works. 179 00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:37,284 - Well, please come down and show us. - All right. I will. 180 00:11:41,197 --> 00:11:43,893 - In there, guys. - Thanks, Homer. 181 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,468 Homer, no one blames you for the accident. 182 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,698 We simply feel you might benefit with a little outside tutoring. 183 00:11:49,806 --> 00:11:51,774 I researched these names myself. 184 00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:54,503 Yeah, you won this round, Dean... 185 00:11:54,611 --> 00:11:57,910 but the war isn't over. 186 00:11:58,014 --> 00:11:59,914 Hello. 187 00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:02,484 Hello, Dean. You're a stupid-head! 188 00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,315 Homer, is that you? 189 00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:11,493 Hiya, gang. 190 00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:14,860 - Intruder alert. Intruder alert. - Stop the humanoid. 191 00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:19,465 Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor. 192 00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:23,266 You've come to the right place. If there's one thing we know, it is science. 193 00:12:23,373 --> 00:12:26,399 - And math. - And the words to every Monty Python routine. 194 00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:29,501 We are the knights who say ''Ni!'' 195 00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:32,104 Ni! Ni! Ni! 196 00:12:32,215 --> 00:12:34,080 Ni. 197 00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:38,245 We played Dungeons and Dragons for three hours. 198 00:12:38,355 --> 00:12:40,016 Then I was slain by an elf. 199 00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:42,887 Listen to yourself, man. You're hangin' with nerds. 200 00:12:42,993 --> 00:12:45,018 - You take that back! - Homer, please. 201 00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:48,029 These boys sound very nice, but they're clearly nerds. 202 00:12:48,131 --> 00:12:50,122 Really? But nerds are my mortal enemy. 203 00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:54,363 Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. In fact, they've done some pretty memorable things. 204 00:12:54,471 --> 00:12:58,430 Some nerds of note include popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher... 205 00:12:58,541 --> 00:13:02,033 rock star David Byrne and Supreme CourtJustice David Souter. 206 00:13:02,145 --> 00:13:04,545 Oh, not Souter! 207 00:13:04,648 --> 00:13:06,548 Oh, no! 208 00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:08,618 Come on, Mr. Simpson. 209 00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:12,347 You'll never pass this course if you don't know the periodic table. 210 00:13:12,455 --> 00:13:14,355 - I'll write it on my hand. - Oh! 211 00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:17,392 Including all known lanthanides and actinides? 212 00:13:17,494 --> 00:13:20,429 Good luck. 213 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:22,794 Come on, guys. 214 00:13:22,899 --> 00:13:25,834 Look at yourselves! All you do is study. 215 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:29,234 I'm gonna show you the true meaning of college. 216 00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,500 We're gonna go out and par-ty! 217 00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:33,576 Wait a minute. I'll put on my snow pants. 218 00:13:33,677 --> 00:13:35,144 - Me too. - Me too. 219 00:13:35,245 --> 00:13:37,975 Ah, the college road trip. 220 00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:40,777 What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem? 221 00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:43,478 If you're going for a ride, I'd like you to take Bart and Lisa. 222 00:13:43,586 --> 00:13:47,545 But, Marge, we're college guys, and we're up to no good. 223 00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:50,251 Mr. Simpson, Gary spilled his ear medicine. 224 00:13:52,295 --> 00:13:54,490 Oh, those baby ducks were so cute. 225 00:13:54,597 --> 00:13:57,395 I can't believe they let us walk right up and feed them. 226 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,968 - I need to go to the bathroom. - We stopped five minutes ago. 227 00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,197 Someone knocked on the door, and I couldn't go. 228 00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:07,265 I'm telling you. A big, crazy prank is just what the doctor ordered. 229 00:14:07,377 --> 00:14:10,244 The dean will go nuts. 230 00:14:10,346 --> 00:14:12,246 I got it! 231 00:14:12,348 --> 00:14:15,977 We wait by his mailbox, and when he comes outside... 232 00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:19,852 we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge! 233 00:14:27,163 --> 00:14:30,132 So it's a prank you're looking for, is it? 234 00:14:30,233 --> 00:14:32,201 I'll give you your prank. 235 00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:35,533 The only other college in 50 miles is Springfield A&M... 236 00:14:35,638 --> 00:14:37,538 so they're our best target. 237 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,905 - Those bastards. - Meet Sir Oinkcelot... 238 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,604 the beloved mascot of Springfield A&M. 239 00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:46,443 Here he is presiding over last year's homecoming. 240 00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:49,518 Here he is conferring an honorary degree on Richard Nixon. 241 00:14:49,619 --> 00:14:52,053 And here he is rolling in his own filth. 242 00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:56,421 Gentlemen, I propose we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot. 243 00:14:56,526 --> 00:15:00,155 And then we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge! 244 00:15:00,263 --> 00:15:03,232 What? 245 00:15:09,672 --> 00:15:12,300 Look, you pull its tail straight... 246 00:15:12,408 --> 00:15:14,706 and it curls right back up again. 247 00:15:14,811 --> 00:15:17,302 Curly, straight. Curly, straight. 248 00:15:17,413 --> 00:15:20,280 Curly, straight. Curly, straight. 249 00:15:20,383 --> 00:15:22,817 Mr. Simpson, I don't think he likes that. 250 00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:26,878 Of course he does. He's a cute little piggy. 251 00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:29,982 Curly, straight. Curly, straight. Ow! 252 00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:33,062 - Why, you little-- - Mr. Simpson, stop! 253 00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:35,393 It's a defenseless animal! 254 00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:42,134 - The pig's acting kinda funny. - He and Mr. Simpson split a case of malt liquor. 255 00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:44,638 Guys, he's really sick. 256 00:15:44,741 --> 00:15:48,472 Hello! That sounds like a pig fainting. 257 00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:55,483 I'm sorry, boys. 258 00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:59,851 I-I've never expelled anyone before, but that pig had some powerful friends. 259 00:15:59,956 --> 00:16:02,652 Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay! 260 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:09,223 Guys, believe me. I didn't mean to get you expelled. 261 00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:12,961 Don't worry, Mr. Simpson. We can take care of ourselves. 262 00:16:14,204 --> 00:16:16,104 Ah, wallet inspector. 263 00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:18,970 Oh, here you go. I believe that's all in order. 264 00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:21,100 I can't believe that worked! 265 00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:25,341 Hey! That's not the wallet inspector. 266 00:16:33,423 --> 00:16:35,948 Marge, they don't have anywhere to stay. 267 00:16:36,059 --> 00:16:38,755 And they're geniuses. They'll solve all our problems. 268 00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:42,059 They'll elevate us to the status of kings on Earth! 269 00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:46,397 - Mr. Simpson, we all have nosebleeds. - Oh, for the love of-- 270 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,405 What's wrong with this phone? It's making crazy noises. 271 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:57,308 Those crazy noises are computer signals. 272 00:16:57,413 --> 00:17:01,509 Some guys at M.I.T. are sending us reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk. 273 00:17:07,290 --> 00:17:08,484 Ha! They're out of their minds. 274 00:17:08,591 --> 00:17:13,187 Oh, I heard about this. This is the one where Scratchy finally gets Itchy. 275 00:17:13,296 --> 00:17:14,593 Wow! 276 00:17:40,456 --> 00:17:43,983 My purpose in life is to witness this moment. 277 00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:50,298 We need the outlet for our rock tumbler. 278 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,699 - Plug it in! Plug it in! - What, the rock tumbler or the TV? 279 00:17:53,803 --> 00:17:55,532 The TV! The TV! 280 00:17:57,073 --> 00:17:59,803 "Show " 281 00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:04,312 Wow! They'll never let us show that again, not in a million years! 282 00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:12,149 Dad, start digging some nerd holes. 283 00:18:12,255 --> 00:18:16,453 It's bad enough they put their retainers in the dishwasher. Can't we do something? 284 00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:20,461 Look, I'm sure we can work something out where we can all live in harmony. 285 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:23,760 - Right, Marge? - No, I want those geeks out of my house. 286 00:18:23,866 --> 00:18:26,198 You really think you can get us back into college? 287 00:18:26,302 --> 00:18:27,826 Absolutely. 288 00:18:27,937 --> 00:18:30,633 Now, the only antidote to a zany scheme... 289 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,708 is an even zanier scheme! 290 00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:34,640 Why does it have to be zany? 291 00:18:34,744 --> 00:18:36,712 I've got it! 292 00:18:36,813 --> 00:18:40,613 We're gonna fix it so you guys save the dean's life. 293 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:43,880 Perfect. 294 00:18:50,193 --> 00:18:53,526 Okay, guys. We push him out of the way in exactly three seconds. 295 00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:55,597 Should we correct for wind resistance? 296 00:18:55,698 --> 00:18:58,098 Hmm, possibly. What do you think? 297 00:18:58,201 --> 00:19:00,328 Oh, my. 298 00:19:00,436 --> 00:19:04,600 Well, Dean, I'm really sorry for the running-you-over prank. 299 00:19:04,707 --> 00:19:07,870 - Prank? - And all those other pranks were my idea too. 300 00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:10,377 I'm the one who should be expelled. 301 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,778 Well, I'm touched by your honesty. 302 00:19:12,882 --> 00:19:16,113 And who knows-- Perhaps I've been a bit of an ogre myself. 303 00:19:16,219 --> 00:19:18,187 - Yes, you have. - How's this? 304 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,221 I'll readmit your friends... 305 00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:22,848 and we'll forget this whole silly incident ever occurred. 306 00:19:22,959 --> 00:19:26,986 Oh, Dean. This is what your new hip is going to look like. 307 00:19:27,096 --> 00:19:30,361 You're gonna have to go easy on it. 308 00:19:30,466 --> 00:19:33,526 Oh, it's good to be back after all these weeks. 309 00:19:33,636 --> 00:19:35,604 Better check our answering machine. 310 00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:39,106 Number of messages received: zero. 311 00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:42,939 We really want to thank you, Mr. Simpson. 312 00:19:43,046 --> 00:19:45,014 Ah, no problem, guys. 313 00:19:45,114 --> 00:19:50,381 The important thing is that we wrapped up all the loose ends. 314 00:19:50,486 --> 00:19:54,616 So, in conclusion, good luck on tomorrow's big final exam. 315 00:19:54,724 --> 00:19:56,624 Exam? Oh! 316 00:19:56,726 --> 00:19:59,695 This is just like one of those bad dreams! 317 00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:02,594 What are you gonna do, Mr. Simpson? 318 00:20:02,698 --> 00:20:04,962 Actually, I've been working on a plan. 319 00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:07,628 During the exam, I'll hide under some coats... 320 00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:10,297 and hope that somehow everything will work out. 321 00:20:10,406 --> 00:20:15,571 Or with our help, you can cram like you've never crammed before! 322 00:20:15,678 --> 00:20:16,975 Whatever. Either way is good. 323 00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,861 Whoo-hoo! 324 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,468 Oh, man. I can't believe you failed. 325 00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:45,303 Oh, I'm gonna lose my job just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified! 326 00:20:45,408 --> 00:20:47,376 Mr. Simpson, there is a way. 327 00:20:47,477 --> 00:20:50,344 We could, well, use a computer to change your grade. 328 00:20:50,446 --> 00:20:52,414 Computers can do that? 329 00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,973 Oh, yes. The only problem is the moral dilemma it raises, which requires-- 330 00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:59,816 Oh, I love-- Moral whuzzah? 331 00:20:59,922 --> 00:21:03,050 An A-plus! How did you do it? 332 00:21:03,159 --> 00:21:07,823 Oh, let's just say I had help from a little magic box. 333 00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:10,262 - You changed your grade with a computer? - D'oh! 334 00:21:10,366 --> 00:21:11,560 Way to go, Dad! 335 00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:15,228 The important thing is that we all learned a lesson. 336 00:21:15,338 --> 00:21:19,570 These guys learned the richness and variety of the world outside college. 337 00:21:19,675 --> 00:21:21,575 - No, we didn't. - Oh. 338 00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:26,410 Then I learned the real value of college is to study and work hard. 339 00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:31,249 No, you didn't. You only passed your course by cheating, which you always taught us was wrong. 340 00:21:31,354 --> 00:21:32,651 Hmm. True. 341 00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:35,724 And I learned that in order for you to set a good example for your son... 342 00:21:35,825 --> 00:21:38,794 you're gonna take that course over again without cheating. 343 00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:42,661 Oh, Marge! You're worse than that crusty old dean. 344 00:21:42,765 --> 00:21:46,724 Well, I guess it's back to college for me. 345 00:21:46,836 --> 00:21:50,135 That means it's time to-- What did I teach you guys? 346 00:21:50,239 --> 00:21:52,139 Par-ty down? 347 00:21:52,241 --> 00:21:54,141 Yes! 348 00:22:44,193 --> 00:22:46,161 Shh!