1 00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:42,300 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Thx to YYeTs.net for the transcript. 2 00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:46,234 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 3 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:49,801 and brought to you by FORD. Drive One. 4 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,050 (laughs) 5 00:02:00,117 --> 00:02:02,484 You've fallen right into my trap, 6 00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:04,017 just like you did in Africa. 7 00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,284 Krusty, there you are. 8 00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:07,484 We've got business to discuss. 9 00:02:07,551 --> 00:02:08,551 First off, 10 00:02:08,618 --> 00:02:09,850 we got big problems 11 00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,750 with your talking home pregnancy tests. 12 00:02:13,317 --> 00:02:15,683 Hey-hey, you're pregnant and it's not mine! 13 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:17,417 (laughing) 14 00:02:17,484 --> 00:02:20,084 It's giving 20% false "hey-heys." 15 00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:23,584 Oh, okay, uh, repackage them 16 00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:25,984 as coffee stirrers and sell them in the Philippines. 17 00:02:26,050 --> 00:02:28,151 Genius. Now, another issue: 18 00:02:28,217 --> 00:02:30,017 Studies show your Krusty Burger 19 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:33,417 is the unhealthiest fast-food item in the world. 20 00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:35,351 Worse than the Double Krusty Burger? 21 00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:36,618 Somehow, yes. 22 00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:39,783 Okay, here's what we do. 23 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,451 What's that food we never put in any of our meals? 24 00:02:42,518 --> 00:02:44,151 Vegetables? Yeah, those guys. 25 00:02:44,217 --> 00:02:45,917 Find the cheapest one, 26 00:02:45,984 --> 00:02:47,417 and make a burger out of it. 27 00:02:47,484 --> 00:02:49,717 Then throw it in a green wrapper and double the price. 28 00:02:49,783 --> 00:02:51,551 And say it's got none of those, uh, 29 00:02:51,618 --> 00:02:54,117 what are those unhealthy he-she sounding things? 30 00:02:54,184 --> 00:02:55,551 Uh, trans fats? 31 00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,650 That's it! And while you're in there, 32 00:02:57,717 --> 00:03:00,017 spray a little nicotine juice on the kids' meals. 33 00:03:00,084 --> 00:03:01,351 Get 'em hooked. (laughs) 34 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,750 ANNOUNCER: Coming up on: 35 00:03:07,817 --> 00:03:09,984 (crewman shouting) 36 00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:12,618 (grunting) 37 00:03:12,683 --> 00:03:14,817 It was worth it to be on TV! 38 00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:16,717 Put our dying screams in the promo! 39 00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:18,384 (both screaming) 40 00:03:20,484 --> 00:03:21,750 You know, kids, 41 00:03:21,817 --> 00:03:25,717 the real drowningest catch is man. 42 00:03:35,317 --> 00:03:38,017 It's a new world out there. 43 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,817 People care about their health, for some reason. 44 00:03:40,884 --> 00:03:42,750 We know times have changed. 45 00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:46,584 And we at Krusty Burger want to take advantage of that. 46 00:03:46,650 --> 00:03:49,351 Introducing... the Mother Nature Burger. 47 00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:51,917 Made from 100% wheat-fed barley. 48 00:03:51,984 --> 00:03:54,117 And now to take a yummy bite. 49 00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:01,017 Mmm... tastes like a healthy future. 50 00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:09,884 We're going to Krusty Burger! 51 00:04:14,151 --> 00:04:16,518 Finally, a hamburger for the Hindus. 52 00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,117 By the tusks of great Ganesh, 53 00:04:20,184 --> 00:04:22,284 now no one can tell I am not American. 54 00:04:22,351 --> 00:04:24,217 (sitar music plays, Apu chants) 55 00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:29,151 Look at me! I'm saving the Earth! 56 00:04:30,451 --> 00:04:32,518 Where's my Nobel prize? 57 00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:36,384 (bubbly rumbling) 58 00:04:37,984 --> 00:04:40,783 What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? 59 00:04:40,850 --> 00:04:42,584 (rumbling continues) Aww. 60 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,850 Would some warm beer settle you down? 61 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,384 (rumbling continues) Uh-oh. 62 00:04:49,584 --> 00:04:51,484 Those barley burgers were tainted! 63 00:04:51,551 --> 00:04:54,351 Why did I eat 12 of them? Why?! 64 00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:56,884 Taken! 65 00:04:57,917 --> 00:04:59,750 Occupied! 66 00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:02,884 Hurling! 67 00:05:12,017 --> 00:05:13,050 (muffled): Uh-oh. 68 00:05:13,117 --> 00:05:14,518 (teachers and kids groaning) 69 00:05:14,584 --> 00:05:16,117 SKINNER (over P.A.): Attention, students, 70 00:05:16,184 --> 00:05:18,017 due to the recent queasiness, 71 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,184 both the Presidential Ab-Crunch Challenge 72 00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:22,650 and the Sloppy Joe-A-Thon have been cancelled. 73 00:05:22,717 --> 00:05:23,717 (weakly): Skinner! 74 00:05:23,783 --> 00:05:25,117 If I die, 75 00:05:25,184 --> 00:05:27,451 I want you to take over... Really? 76 00:05:27,518 --> 00:05:30,351 ...the search committee for a new superintendent. 77 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,850 Mm... 78 00:05:31,917 --> 00:05:34,783 Just hold my head and say soothing things. 79 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:37,950 Third-grade math scores are holding steady. 80 00:05:38,017 --> 00:05:40,284 Ah, yes... 81 00:05:40,351 --> 00:05:41,984 The food poisoning has been traced 82 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,584 to a single ingredient: tainted barley. 83 00:05:44,650 --> 00:05:46,484 And where does that barley come from? 84 00:05:46,551 --> 00:05:49,384 Our neighbor to the southeast, Ogdenville. 85 00:05:49,451 --> 00:05:51,384 The state's barley basket since it was settled 86 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,451 100 years ago, by Norwegian immigrants. 87 00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:56,484 I'm here with barley farmer Brendlf Jensen. Brendlf? 88 00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:59,117 What happened is, a big ol' rat got caught up 89 00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:02,950 in the grinders there, so my wife, Dagny, took a hose to it. 90 00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:04,984 And, uh, it's all cleaned out now. 91 00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:06,984 So you're guaranteeing it's safe 92 00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:09,050 to eat Ogdenville barley once more? 93 00:06:09,117 --> 00:06:12,184 Well, where there's barley, there's rats, you know. 94 00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:14,518 Now, when will you be starting the interview? 95 00:06:14,584 --> 00:06:16,050 That just went out live. 96 00:06:16,117 --> 00:06:18,917 Well, then we're screwed. 97 00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,783 (slow, melancholy orchestral theme playing) 98 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,001 Dad, are you sure you can 99 00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:07,234 put in these new rain gutters all by yourself? 100 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,533 Eh, maybe you're right. 101 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,734 I do have a bad history of going up on roofs 102 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,400 and waking up in hospitals. 103 00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:14,533 Perhaps we could be of help, don't you know. 104 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,268 Ogdenvillians? Work on my house? 105 00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:19,334 Ja. Ever since the barley bust, 106 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,368 the only work we can get is day labor. 107 00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:24,368 We don't mind it. Work is work. 108 00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:26,834 I like your can-do attitude! 109 00:07:26,901 --> 00:07:30,400 And your facial hair screams rugged but reliable. 110 00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:31,767 You won't regret this, sir. 111 00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:32,901 You hear that, Bart? 112 00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:34,368 He called me "sir." 113 00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:36,867 That means he knows I'm better than him. 114 00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:41,600 Nicely done, guys. Lemonade? 115 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,634 A lemon version of barley-ade? 116 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,467 (chuckles): When in Springfield... 117 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,301 Oh, don't that glug down right good then. 118 00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,268 Oh, ja, almost as good as barley-ade. 119 00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:51,867 Mm-hmm. Oh, ja. Oh, ja. 120 00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:53,500 You know, I'm glad you've come here 121 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,334 to take all the jobs we don't want to do. 122 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,134 Can't have too much of a good thing. 123 00:08:02,301 --> 00:08:03,834 OGDENVILLIAN: You fellas, too, come on! 124 00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:09,301 ( music playing throughout ) 125 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:13,001 ( women vocalizing ) 126 00:08:34,317 --> 00:08:36,550 So, Inga, this is our kitchen. 127 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,250 Did you have kitchens back in Ogdenville? 128 00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:42,051 Ja, before the dark days fell on my people 129 00:08:42,118 --> 00:08:43,651 and we lost everything. 130 00:08:43,717 --> 00:08:46,817 Great! So you know your way around a blender. 131 00:08:46,884 --> 00:08:48,984 Okay, so if the dog's in the house, 132 00:08:49,051 --> 00:08:51,550 don't let Grampa in and vice versa. 133 00:08:51,617 --> 00:08:54,984 Our neighbor, Ned Flanders, drops by unexpectedly. 134 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,984 That I do! But he doesn't stay long. 135 00:08:57,051 --> 00:08:58,250 No, I don't! 136 00:08:58,317 --> 00:09:01,051 Kids, this is Inga, your new nanny. 137 00:09:01,118 --> 00:09:02,951 A nanny? Whoo-hoo! 138 00:09:03,018 --> 00:09:04,684 Mom says I can have ice cream for breakfast. 139 00:09:04,751 --> 00:09:05,884 Oh, she's still here. 140 00:09:05,951 --> 00:09:07,150 Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast? 141 00:09:07,217 --> 00:09:08,717 No way, mister. 142 00:09:08,784 --> 00:09:11,584 It's just chocolate chip pancakes and syrup for you. 143 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,051 Inga, I'll be happy to eat whatever you make. 144 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,150 (frustrated grunt) 145 00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,817 Maggie, now you have a nanny. 146 00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:20,684 Just like the ones Joe Piscopo 147 00:09:20,751 --> 00:09:22,951 and Ethan Hawke left their wives for. 148 00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:24,917 But hands off my Homie. 149 00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:28,350 Hands off the Homie. Got it. 150 00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:29,484 (whimpers) 151 00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:31,350 Sorry, sometimes she's nervous 152 00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,584 around new people. 153 00:09:32,651 --> 00:09:34,617 Actually, she's just gassy. 154 00:09:34,684 --> 00:09:37,350 A little lingonberry oil under the tongue will clear it 155 00:09:37,417 --> 00:09:39,584 right up. (Maggie coos, burbles) 156 00:09:39,651 --> 00:09:41,817 That's amazing! 157 00:09:41,884 --> 00:09:45,018 Now I feel bad about calling your references. 158 00:09:47,217 --> 00:09:49,350 So Selma, how did you meet? 159 00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:51,283 I hired Torbjorn, here, 160 00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,917 to kill some moles in my garden. 161 00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:56,018 And, well, one thing led to another... 162 00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:58,183 Ja, she has the same beautiful face 163 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,984 as my great-uncle Magnus when he lay in the coffin 164 00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:02,717 after his trolley accident. 165 00:10:02,784 --> 00:10:04,717 Gee, this Ogdenville influx 166 00:10:04,784 --> 00:10:06,617 has been great for everybody. 167 00:10:06,684 --> 00:10:11,217 Yeah, talk about taking jobs Springfield don't want! 168 00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:13,150 (laughs) Hey, Homer, your blubber 169 00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:15,350 would light our lamps for a year. D'oh! 170 00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:16,617 I zing the oaf good? 171 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,550 You zing the oaf great. 172 00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:26,384 Minnesota Vikings apparel?! 173 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,717 This is Tennessee Titans country! 174 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:31,617 Waah! 175 00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:38,717 Uff da! So many meters. 176 00:10:38,784 --> 00:10:40,150 (kids agreeing) 177 00:10:40,217 --> 00:10:41,884 Step aside, Nor-wads. 178 00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,751 Watch how the natives ride sky. 179 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:44,851 (The Chantays' "Pipeline" begins) 180 00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,217 (yells) 181 00:11:01,384 --> 00:11:02,884 (groans) 182 00:11:06,717 --> 00:11:09,717 Three hours and we still can't see a doctor?! 183 00:11:09,784 --> 00:11:12,684 It's 'cause it's filled with all these Nor-wads. 184 00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:14,384 They even sneeze funny. 185 00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:18,150 (sneezing): A-fer-gan-nerkin! A-fer-gan-nerkin! 186 00:11:18,217 --> 00:11:20,651 We're out of English forms. 187 00:11:20,717 --> 00:11:22,617 You'll have to fill out a Norwegian one. 188 00:11:22,684 --> 00:11:26,450 I can't read this sloopy-bloopy writing. 189 00:11:26,517 --> 00:11:29,283 Typical-- foreigners clogging up the system. 190 00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:31,951 I hurt my back unclogging your septic system. 191 00:11:32,018 --> 00:11:33,684 Sven, can you stop by tomorrow? 192 00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,051 It's clogged again. Ja. 193 00:11:35,118 --> 00:11:36,484 Come on, Bart. 194 00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,283 We'll take care of you at home. 195 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:42,018 (sneezing): Na-chin-na-hart! Na-chin-na-hart! 196 00:11:42,084 --> 00:11:44,250 Oh great, I caught their cold. 197 00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:46,951 Okay, Bart. 198 00:11:47,018 --> 00:11:50,084 Now bite down on the rubber dog bone, and... 199 00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:51,717 (toy squeaks, bone snaps) 200 00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:52,817 Mm! 201 00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:54,384 (barks) 202 00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:55,951 Thanks, Mom. 203 00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:58,417 Now, how did this happen again? 204 00:11:58,484 --> 00:11:59,884 It wasn't my fault. I swear. 205 00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:02,217 A couple of barleyjerks dared me to. 206 00:12:02,283 --> 00:12:04,751 Yeah, well, I'm starting to wonder if this town 207 00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:07,450 wasn't better off before all these immigrants showed up. 208 00:12:07,517 --> 00:12:09,051 I'd just like to remind you 209 00:12:09,118 --> 00:12:10,884 that we were all immigrants at one time. 210 00:12:10,951 --> 00:12:12,484 Well, you were a baby once. 211 00:12:12,550 --> 00:12:14,417 Does that mean you still like milk and hugs? 212 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,217 Yes, I'd like both right now. 213 00:12:20,118 --> 00:12:21,051 (grunts) 214 00:12:21,118 --> 00:12:22,517 Hey, this is all right. 215 00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:24,350 (humming tune) 216 00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:28,984 Look at them barleyjacks, 217 00:12:29,051 --> 00:12:31,851 celebrating another one of their stupid holidays. 218 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,817 Hey, I ain't got no problem with them. 219 00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,751 They pay in cash, they keep it clean, 220 00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:38,051 and their mythology is rich and enchanting. 221 00:12:38,118 --> 00:12:41,118 Yeah, and the redhead one said today's the day Woden gave the herring 222 00:12:41,183 --> 00:12:43,951 the greatest gift of all-- its fishy taste. 223 00:12:44,018 --> 00:12:46,350 Hey, Moe, what is that hoity-toity beer they're drinking? 224 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,884 Oh, I don't sell beer no more. 225 00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:49,584 I only serve Aquavit, 226 00:12:49,651 --> 00:12:51,851 the Norwegian caraway-scented liqueur. 227 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:54,350 Wait a minute-- you're selling barleyjack booze? 228 00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:55,784 How could you, Moe?! 229 00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,917 Hey, it's all about the King Haralds. 230 00:13:01,651 --> 00:13:04,283 Well, since it's all you've got, 231 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,183 give me a mug of that Aquavit stuff. 232 00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:08,183 Better go slow there, friend. 233 00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:11,084 That stuff will open up a can of "oh my goodness" on you. 234 00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:12,851 I think I can handle it. 235 00:13:16,617 --> 00:13:19,751 (drunkenly): Hey, where'd that Homer guy go? 236 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,717 (muffled): More Aquavit, please. 237 00:13:25,484 --> 00:13:27,283 (groans) 238 00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:29,283 (drunkenly): Farfegnugen... 239 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,717 You're late. And drunk. 240 00:13:30,784 --> 00:13:31,751 Shut up. 241 00:13:31,817 --> 00:13:33,851 You lost your job? 242 00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:35,283 It's not my fault. 243 00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:37,684 Those Ogdenville guys plied me 244 00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:39,617 with their native liqueurs and liquors. 245 00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:41,484 But mostly liqueurs. 246 00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:43,484 Oh, poor Homie. 247 00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,984 And you with your alcoholism. 248 00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:46,817 Yeah. 249 00:13:49,751 --> 00:13:51,951 I propose that no Ogdenvillian be allowed 250 00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:53,784 within the city limits of Springfield. 251 00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:56,051 I share your xylophobia. 252 00:13:56,118 --> 00:13:57,751 Dad, you mean xenophobia. 253 00:13:57,817 --> 00:14:00,217 Xylophobia would be a fear of xylophones. 254 00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,217 I am afraid of xylophones. 255 00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:04,951 It's the music you hear when skeletons are dancing. 256 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,350 Very well. 257 00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:09,517 Springfield will ban immigrants and xylophones. 258 00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:11,317 All in favor, say "Aye." 259 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,217 ALL: Aye! 260 00:14:12,283 --> 00:14:14,851 The border is now closed. 261 00:14:14,917 --> 00:14:18,217 You'll never take my xylophone. 262 00:14:18,283 --> 00:14:20,851 Notes don't fail me now. 263 00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:22,417 (playing rapidly) 264 00:14:25,118 --> 00:14:26,851 There's one, Chief. 265 00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:28,350 Well, he's too far, Lou. 266 00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:29,450 That's not fair. 267 00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:30,550 There's another. 268 00:14:30,617 --> 00:14:31,984 He's on a bike, Lou. 269 00:14:32,051 --> 00:14:33,183 So? 270 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,651 So what am I, Superman? 271 00:14:34,717 --> 00:14:36,584 Well, there's one coming between your legs. 272 00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:38,084 Where? There! Now! 273 00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:39,717 Right now, look between your legs! 274 00:14:39,784 --> 00:14:41,384 I don't-- Oh, oh yeah. 275 00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:43,784 Oh, ow, ow... No, he's too fast. 276 00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:44,951 It's hopeless, Lou. 277 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,817 We can't handle this. 278 00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:48,484 We need help patrolling the border. 279 00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:50,450 I mean, Springfield only has three cops. 280 00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:52,517 Yeah. And Eddie's laid up 'cause of his gout. 281 00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:55,550 (groans) 282 00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:58,984 Yep. Eddie loves his lobster and port wine, 283 00:14:59,051 --> 00:15:00,450 but it comes with a price. 284 00:15:00,517 --> 00:15:04,118 Excuse me: do you have to pay to get in, or...? 285 00:15:04,183 --> 00:15:06,450 No, no, no, it's free, it's free. 286 00:15:06,517 --> 00:15:08,984 Maybe we can ask private citizens to guard the border. 287 00:15:09,051 --> 00:15:11,283 Yeah, you know, vigilantes who would agree to do our job 288 00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,717 for the adrenaline rush 289 00:15:12,784 --> 00:15:14,917 that comes from having a tiny taste of authority 290 00:15:14,984 --> 00:15:16,183 over your fellow man. 291 00:15:20,817 --> 00:15:23,651 And all we're paying 'em is bullets and beer. 292 00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,851 (chuckles) 293 00:15:32,917 --> 00:15:35,084 I almost made a big mistake. 294 00:15:43,717 --> 00:15:46,451 Men, our negative energy has been harnessed 295 00:15:46,518 --> 00:15:49,117 to help keep Springfield's borders secure 296 00:15:49,184 --> 00:15:50,417 from Ogdenvillians. 297 00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:52,551 But first, our group needs a name 298 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,017 that evokes America's proud history of citizens rising up 299 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:56,551 to defend our way of life. 300 00:15:56,618 --> 00:15:57,984 The Klan? 301 00:15:58,050 --> 00:16:00,884 Well, there are no bad ideas, but let's keep trying. 302 00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:01,884 The Nazis? 303 00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:03,783 Okay, you stop trying. 304 00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:06,151 Hey, how about the Star-Spangled Goofballs? 305 00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:08,151 Mm! Goofballs it is! 306 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,817 I'll float above the border, 307 00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:11,950 and radio the location of illegals down to you. 308 00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:14,084 My code name will be "Screaming Eagle." 309 00:16:14,151 --> 00:16:16,184 Yours will be "Ground Losers." 310 00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:18,184 What a fun day. This is gonna be good. 311 00:16:18,251 --> 00:16:20,084 Release the sandbags. 312 00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,650 Hey, why don't you let Carl and me try? 313 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,783 Okay, you guys get in as I get off. 314 00:16:29,351 --> 00:16:30,417 (yelling) 315 00:16:30,484 --> 00:16:31,518 This is Ground Loser. 316 00:16:31,584 --> 00:16:32,750 What's your position? 317 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:33,850 Over. 318 00:16:33,917 --> 00:16:36,251 C-c-cold. 319 00:16:36,317 --> 00:16:37,551 S-s-so very cold. 320 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,217 I'm sorry to say that this poorly-conceived patrol 321 00:16:44,284 --> 00:16:46,317 carried out by a group of rank amateurs 322 00:16:46,384 --> 00:16:47,783 has somehow been a failure. 323 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:50,317 Those barleyjacks are crafty. 324 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,451 One of 'em handcuffed me to this tree. 325 00:16:52,518 --> 00:16:53,750 That's not a tree, Chief. 326 00:16:53,817 --> 00:16:55,084 That's a street sign. 327 00:16:55,151 --> 00:16:56,584 You just looped your belt around it 328 00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:57,950 when you were changing your pants. 329 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,783 Okay, I'm hearing lots of problems, but no solutions. 330 00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:03,850 This immigration problem is bigger than we thought. 331 00:17:03,917 --> 00:17:06,717 We need a way to keep these people out of our community. 332 00:17:06,783 --> 00:17:09,518 What can we do to keep one group of people 333 00:17:09,584 --> 00:17:11,284 away from another group of people? 334 00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:15,917 HOMER: Why you little...! 335 00:17:15,984 --> 00:17:16,984 I'll kill you! 336 00:17:19,017 --> 00:17:22,151 That's it-- we'll build a fence. 337 00:17:22,217 --> 00:17:24,683 CROWD (chanting): Fence! Fence! Fence! Fence! 338 00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,850 Homie, I don't think we should build a fence. 339 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,384 Haven't we always taught the children to make friends 340 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,384 with those who are a little different? 341 00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:34,518 Yes. Yeah. 342 00:17:34,584 --> 00:17:36,817 Ja! (gasps) 343 00:17:36,884 --> 00:17:38,117 Ja, ja! 344 00:17:38,184 --> 00:17:41,650 Maggie's first words are in Ogdenvillese! 345 00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:43,284 Now do you see, Marge? 346 00:17:43,351 --> 00:17:45,551 Now do you see why we must build that fence? 347 00:17:45,618 --> 00:17:47,317 Build it, Homie! 348 00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:49,984 Make it as tall as the sky and deeper than Hell. 349 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:50,985 Ja. Ja. 350 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,267 All right, who here knows how to build a wall? 351 00:17:56,334 --> 00:17:58,534 I know how to hire guys to build a wall. 352 00:17:58,601 --> 00:17:59,434 Such as? 353 00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:00,534 The Barleyjacks? 354 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,134 (all agreeing) 355 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,534 Okay, they can help, us build the wall, 356 00:18:04,601 --> 00:18:06,167 because they're good at it. 357 00:18:06,234 --> 00:18:08,067 But then, those good-for-nothings have to go. 358 00:18:08,134 --> 00:18:09,267 (cheering) 359 00:18:09,334 --> 00:18:10,734 Yeah, get 'em out of here! 360 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,501 (Benny Goodman's "Sing, Sing, Sing" playing) 361 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,833 So my girlfriend puts all these pillows on the bed. 362 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,267 And you have to like take them all off at night 363 00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:28,634 and put them all back on every morning. 364 00:18:28,701 --> 00:18:30,967 And if the little one is in back of the big one, 365 00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,734 oh, God help you. 366 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,267 Ja, and they always want the cat to sleep in bed with you. 367 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:37,967 Exactly. 368 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:42,567 I had trouble finding a four-button cardigan, 369 00:18:42,634 --> 00:18:43,933 so I bought a three-button one 370 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,634 and sewed the extra button on myself. 371 00:18:45,701 --> 00:18:47,234 Hm! This baby was a five-buttoner, 372 00:18:47,301 --> 00:18:49,601 but I took a button off. 373 00:18:49,668 --> 00:18:51,567 Maybe we're not so different, Sven. 374 00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:52,701 Ja, maybe so. 375 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,701 You know, if you put down an acrylic primer, 376 00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:02,367 your satiric drawing and its clever stink lines will be there 377 00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,000 long after your principal is gone. 378 00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:06,200 The guy at the store said it didn't matter, 379 00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:07,701 but I knew he was wrong. 380 00:19:07,768 --> 00:19:08,567 Thanks, man. 381 00:19:08,634 --> 00:19:13,067 (all shouting) 382 00:19:18,234 --> 00:19:19,867 (clang echoing) 383 00:19:25,434 --> 00:19:28,567 (wind whistling) 384 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,601 (Ralph giggling) 385 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,668 Sure is quiet around here. 386 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:37,967 Do ya miss us? 387 00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:39,200 Ja, we miss you. 388 00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:40,634 That's why we build the door. 389 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:42,800 Oh, we did miss you. 390 00:19:42,867 --> 00:19:45,567 We missed your kindness, your hard work, 391 00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:48,234 your sweet plainspoken ways. 392 00:19:48,301 --> 00:19:49,467 What are you barleyjacks waiting for? 393 00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:51,067 Get in here! 394 00:19:51,134 --> 00:19:53,768 We'd be more than pleased to join you donut-dunkers. 395 00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:56,067 (lively chatter and laughter) 396 00:19:58,701 --> 00:20:01,601 (siren wailing) 397 00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:07,867 All right, boys, round 'em up... 398 00:20:07,933 --> 00:20:11,034 and throw them the swingingest soirée they've ever seen! 399 00:20:13,501 --> 00:20:18,167 (lively Scandanavian folk music playing) 400 00:20:26,401 --> 00:20:30,000 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 401 00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:31,001 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com Thx to YYeTs.net for the transcript.