1 00:00:14,042 --> 00:00:16,118 No sports, no rock No information 2 00:00:16,295 --> 00:00:19,083 For mindless chatter We're your station 3 00:00:19,298 --> 00:00:22,133 KBBL talk radio. Now Springfield's favorite conservative... 4 00:00:22,301 --> 00:00:25,255 author of well-selling book Only Turkeys Have Left Wings... 5 00:00:25,429 --> 00:00:28,431 ...ladies and gentlemen, Birch Barlow. 6 00:00:30,601 --> 00:00:32,975 That Barlow's a right-wing crackpot. 7 00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:36,397 He said Ted Kennedy lacked integrity. Can you believe that? 8 00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:39,769 Yeah, switch the station. I consider myself politically correct. 9 00:00:39,944 --> 00:00:41,937 His views make me uncomfortable. 10 00:00:42,113 --> 00:00:45,032 No, no, no, guys. Now, I'm not very political. 11 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,237 I usually think people who vote are a bit fruity. 12 00:00:48,412 --> 00:00:52,540 But for some reason, this Birch Barlow really speaks to me. 13 00:00:58,088 --> 00:00:59,547 Good morning. freedom-"hers. 14 00:00:59,715 --> 00:01:02,753 Birch Barlow, the fourth branch of government, the 51st state. 15 00:01:02,927 --> 00:01:06,463 You know, there are three things we'll never get rid of in Springfield: 16 00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:08,549 One, the bats in the public library. 17 00:01:10,184 --> 00:01:12,640 Two, Mrs. McFearley's compost heap. 18 00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:19,562 And three, our six-term mayor... 19 00:01:19,736 --> 00:01:23,402 ...the illiterate, tax-cheating, pot-smoking spend-merit... 20 00:01:23,573 --> 00:01:25,780 ...Diamond Joe Quimby. 21 00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:27,861 Hey, I am no longer illiterate. 22 00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:31,329 Now, why are we doomed to this Quimby quagmire, you ask... 23 00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:33,206 ...O reasonable listener? 24 00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:35,535 Because this town is under the stranglehold... 25 00:01:35,711 --> 00:01:38,250 ...of a few tie-dyed "tree-huggers"... 26 00:01:38,422 --> 00:01:40,629 ...who'd rather play Hacky Sack than lock up the homeless. 27 00:01:41,843 --> 00:01:44,512 This sounds awfully controversial. 28 00:01:44,679 --> 00:01:47,882 Lisa, you know I don't like controversy in this house. 29 00:01:48,057 --> 00:01:49,303 I don't like him either... 30 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:52,643 ...but I'm doing a report on local politics for my school project. 31 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:56,431 You think you're so big because your class always gets to do projects. 32 00:01:56,608 --> 00:02:02,481 Well, I'm doing a school project on fireworks. 33 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,697 Bart, I wish you wouldn't lie like that. 34 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,532 Now, as a special sendoff and a way to say... 35 00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,332 ...to our visiting Chinese principals... 36 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,456 ...Bart Simpson has promised us a fireworks display. 37 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,630 -Cool. -Cool. 38 00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:25,883 What a week. He promise a big firework display. 39 00:02:26,055 --> 00:02:29,389 -Bad student. -Bad principal. 40 00:02:31,394 --> 00:02:34,230 So, my friends, let's just junk those dumb-merits... 41 00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:36,937 ...and their bleeding-heart smell-fare program. 42 00:02:37,109 --> 00:02:40,645 I had to listen to this jerk all morning. Can we listen to something else? 43 00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:44,238 When I'm driving the car, I get to choose the radio station. 44 00:02:44,408 --> 00:02:48,620 When you're driving, we'll listen to your radio station. 45 00:02:53,751 --> 00:02:55,993 I can't take this anymore. Let's switch back. 46 00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:59,374 Let's go to the phones. First up is Bob from South Springfield. 47 00:02:59,549 --> 00:03:01,506 -Welcome to you, sir. -Hello, Birch. 48 00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,633 Long-lime listener, first-time caller. 49 00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:08,383 Kudos for bringing the "public" hack to the Republican Party. 50 00:03:08,558 --> 00:03:12,260 R's time people realized we conservatives aren't a" Johnny Hatemongers... 51 00:03:12,437 --> 00:03:16,020 ...and Charlie Bible-Thumps or even, God forbid, George Bushes. 52 00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,643 That sounds like Sideshow Bob. 53 00:03:18,819 --> 00:03:23,897 Yes, ma'am. Sideshow Bob, yakking it up on the old yak box. 54 00:03:24,075 --> 00:03:28,203 I'll spare you the embarrassment of admitting you don't know who Bob is. 55 00:03:29,497 --> 00:03:31,988 Sideshow Bob used to be Krusty the Clown's sidekick. 56 00:03:32,166 --> 00:03:36,829 Eat in 1990, he framed Krusty for armed robbery, and Ear? got him put in jail. 57 00:03:37,005 --> 00:03:40,173 When he got out, he married Aunt Selma and tried to murder her. 58 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,922 Oh, Sideshow Bob. 59 00:03:43,094 --> 00:03:45,634 Bart, your mortal enemy is on the radio. 60 00:03:45,806 --> 00:03:50,800 R's time for more dementia with Dr. Demento. 61 00:03:52,271 --> 00:03:54,596 And now the Funny 5- 62 00:03:55,232 --> 00:03:59,777 I meant your other mortal enemy. Sideshow Bob. 63 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,402 Sideshow Bob? 64 00:04:02,949 --> 00:04:05,702 I'm only 10, and I already got two mortal enemies. 65 00:04:06,577 --> 00:04:10,160 And this proposed expressway will bring increased commerce... 66 00:04:10,331 --> 00:04:11,909 ...to our local merchants. 67 00:04:13,626 --> 00:04:14,955 What's in it for us? 68 00:04:15,128 --> 00:04:18,331 Give us something we like, or we'll ride you out of town on a rail. 69 00:04:18,715 --> 00:04:21,005 Well, what do you people like? 70 00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:23,294 -Sleep. -Sexy dames, and plenty of them. 71 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:26,804 Ma Ila ck ! 72 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:33,605 Well, I suppose I could name it the Matlock Expressway. 73 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:40,780 But it would be terribly myopic of me to blame a" my current woes... 74 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,613 ...on one spiky-haired little simpleton. 75 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,579 Myopia or, to say the least, intransigent. 76 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,035 Now, you mentioned some woes there. 77 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:54,074 Well, you see, Birch, I'm presently incarcerated. 78 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,131 Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. 79 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,594 Attempted murder. Now, honestly, what is that? 80 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:07,096 Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Do they? 81 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,424 Oh, really. Now, this is a personal call. 82 00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:13,521 Now, my friends, isn't this just typical? 83 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:18,518 Another intelligent conservative here railroaded by our liberal justice system. 84 00:05:18,695 --> 00:05:23,405 Just like Colonel Oliver North, Officer Stacey Koon... 85 00:05:23,575 --> 00:05:25,734 ...and cartoon smokesperson Joe Camel. 86 00:05:27,162 --> 00:05:28,490 Well, I've had it. 87 00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:33,409 Tam gonna make it my mission to see that our friend Bob is set free. 88 00:05:33,585 --> 00:05:35,330 No! 89 00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:40,131 Well, despite Bart's objections, the people of South Africa... 90 00:05:40,301 --> 00:05:42,542 ...can now vote in free democratic elections. 91 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:46,172 My friends, Bob is a political prisoner. 92 00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:49,801 I want every loyal listener to do everything they can... 93 00:05:49,977 --> 00:05:51,852 min get him out of jail. 94 00:05:52,021 --> 00:05:53,433 All right, you heard the man. 95 00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:56,064 One grenade each. 96 00:05:56,651 --> 00:06:01,646 Moe, I think he meant through nonviolent, grassroots political action. 97 00:06:01,823 --> 00:06:04,314 Oh, Jeez. Really? You think so? 98 00:06:04,493 --> 00:06:07,696 All right, give them back. Come on. Everybody, give them back. 99 00:06:07,871 --> 00:06:10,410 Hey. Hey! Who pulled the pin on this one? 100 00:06:13,752 --> 00:06:16,422 Very well, if that is the way the winds are blowing... 101 00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:19,080 ...let no one say I don't also blow. 102 00:06:19,258 --> 00:06:20,586 Free Bob! 103 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,011 By special order of the mayor of Springfield... 104 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:27,217 ...you are hereby granted a full and complete pardon. 105 00:06:27,392 --> 00:06:31,437 Congratulations, Robert Underdunk Terwilliger. 106 00:06:36,735 --> 00:06:39,737 -Boat's on the other side. -Yes, thank you. 107 00:07:01,803 --> 00:07:03,179 Hail, brothers. 108 00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:11,559 Now, then, gentlemen, the mayoral campaign is upon us. 109 00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,391 If we hope to defeat Joe Quimby... 110 00:07:13,565 --> 00:07:16,768 ...we need a candidate with name recognition and media savvy. 111 00:07:16,943 --> 00:07:20,063 A true leader who will do exactly as he's told. 112 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:21,864 Monty, I'm way ahead of you. 113 00:07:22,032 --> 00:07:26,410 If you'll just open that door, you'll see the next mayor of Springfield. 114 00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:31,997 Nice. Very nice. 115 00:07:33,169 --> 00:07:36,752 -What did it say? -No, no. Bob. Bob, come in. 116 00:07:38,383 --> 00:07:41,052 A fine mahoq to you all. 117 00:07:41,219 --> 00:07:42,678 Why, he's even better. 118 00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:45,883 I agree. I like the human touch. 119 00:07:49,227 --> 00:07:52,479 I want you on your best behavior for this choreographed media event. 120 00:07:52,647 --> 00:07:54,392 There is to be no wising off... 121 00:07:54,566 --> 00:07:57,935 ...no face-making and no grass-eating. This means you, Ralph. 122 00:07:58,112 --> 00:08:00,236 -Yes, sir. -Hello, children. 123 00:08:00,406 --> 00:08:01,485 Hello, Bart. 124 00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:07,119 Friends, my opponent, Joe Quimby. Is confused about your school system. 125 00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:09,957 Do you know what he does? He flip-flops. 126 00:08:14,212 --> 00:08:18,340 Sometimes he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. 127 00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:25,138 He wants to sell your future short. 128 00:08:31,104 --> 00:08:33,264 Bart, we can't let Bob steal the spotlight. 129 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,145 We'll have to steep to the lowest common denominator. 130 00:08:36,318 --> 00:08:37,397 I can do that. 131 00:08:38,904 --> 00:08:42,273 Help! I'm being attacked by things. 132 00:08:44,285 --> 00:08:46,444 Uncle Mayor was just saying that us kids... 133 00:08:46,621 --> 00:08:49,539 ...are the most important natural resource we have. 134 00:08:49,707 --> 00:08:51,036 More important than coal? 135 00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:53,960 Yes. 136 00:08:57,549 --> 00:09:00,717 Oh, that was a big mistake, Bart. 137 00:09:00,969 --> 00:09:03,722 No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party... 138 00:09:03,889 --> 00:09:05,384 ...and lived to tell about it. 139 00:09:16,902 --> 00:09:18,480 Stay out of Riverdale. 140 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,530 Without Mayor Quimby Our town would really stink 141 00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:27,284 We wouldn't have a tire yard Or a mid-sized roller rink 142 00:09:27,455 --> 00:09:30,991 We wouldn't have our gallows Or a shiny Bigfoot trap 143 00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:34,501 It's not the mayor's fault That the stadium collapsed 144 00:09:34,671 --> 00:09:37,673 Quimby. If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you. 145 00:09:37,841 --> 00:09:39,798 Paid for by the Mayor Quimby Committee, 146 00:09:39,968 --> 00:09:43,753 Hey. four-eyes. vote Quimby. Hey. beard-0. vote Quimby. 147 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:46,386 This time, he's the lesser of two evils. 148 00:09:46,558 --> 00:09:48,848 Yeah, yeah, I love Grimby. 149 00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:52,682 Could I have some more bumper stickers, please, dude? 150 00:09:57,236 --> 00:09:58,732 All right. 151 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:02,897 The mummy's ready for his mystical journey. 152 00:10:04,285 --> 00:10:06,990 What's happening? 153 00:10:07,163 --> 00:10:13,416 That Quimby fella promised to build us a Matlock Expressway. 154 00:10:13,587 --> 00:10:16,707 How you gonna top that, smart guy? 155 00:10:17,132 --> 00:10:20,170 Well, how's this? I'll not only build the expressway... 156 00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,717 ...I will spend the remainder of this afternoon... 157 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:25,676 ...patiently listening to your interminable anecdotes. 158 00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:28,852 Hot diggety damn. Me first! 159 00:10:29,604 --> 00:10:35,108 Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. 160 00:10:35,276 --> 00:10:37,483 Weren't much on the air then. 161 00:10:37,654 --> 00:10:42,732 Just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. 162 00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,697 "A," he'd say. 163 00:10:45,871 --> 00:10:47,781 Then "B." 164 00:10:47,956 --> 00:10:51,243 "C" would usually follow. 165 00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:56,127 Mayor Quimby supports revolving-door prisons. 166 00:10:56,298 --> 00:10:59,964 Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob... 167 00:11:00,135 --> 00:11:03,387 ...a man twice convicted of attempted murder. 168 00:11:03,556 --> 00:11:06,391 Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? 169 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:07,887 Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor. 170 00:11:11,064 --> 00:11:15,311 The League of Uninformed Voters presents the Springfield mayoral debates. 171 00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:18,522 I'm your moderator, Larry King. Now a word to our audience. 172 00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:21,401 Even though we're being broadcast on Fox... 173 00:11:21,575 --> 00:11:24,363 ...there's no need for obnoxious hooting and hollering. 174 00:11:34,672 --> 00:11:38,338 I shouldn't have shaken hands with those old people. 175 00:11:42,889 --> 00:11:45,641 I hope that flu doesn't affect his performance out there. 176 00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:48,299 Don't worry. He's taken a million of these capsules. 177 00:11:54,943 --> 00:11:57,862 Sideshow Bob, Councilman Les Wynan... 178 00:11:58,029 --> 00:12:01,399 ...says that you're not experienced enough to be mayor. 179 00:12:01,575 --> 00:12:03,450 Sir, what do you have to say about that? 180 00:12:03,619 --> 00:12:09,373 I'd say that Les Wynan ought to do more thinking and less whining. 181 00:12:12,211 --> 00:12:15,664 -There's no Councilman Les Wynan. -Good line, though. 182 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:20,835 Mayor Quimby, you are well known, sir, for your lenient stance on crime. 183 00:12:21,012 --> 00:12:24,548 But suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs... 184 00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:27,975 ...your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths. 185 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:31,727 You try to open the door, but there's too much blood on the knob. 186 00:12:31,898 --> 00:12:34,733 -What is your question? -My question's about the budget. 187 00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:52,250 I don't agree with his Bart-killing policy... 188 00:12:52,628 --> 00:12:56,579 ...but I do approve of his Selma-killing policy. 189 00:12:56,758 --> 00:12:59,047 Well, he framed me for armed robbery... 190 00:12:59,219 --> 00:13:02,885 ...but, man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. 191 00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:11,602 And the results are in. For Sideshow Bob, 100 percent. 192 00:13:11,773 --> 00:13:13,102 For Joe Quimby, 1 percent. 193 00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:15,944 And we remind you, there is a 1-percent margin of error. 194 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,192 All right, let's go live to Bob headquarters now... 195 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,660 ...for Mayor Terwilliger's victory speech. 196 00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:42,471 And just look how happy he is. 197 00:13:55,736 --> 00:13:57,362 It's the rapture! 198 00:13:57,571 --> 00:14:00,276 Quick, get Bart out of the house before God comes. 199 00:14:03,327 --> 00:14:06,246 So sorry, Mr. Simpson. Your house is blocking construction... 200 00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:08,122 ...of our new Matlock Expressway. 201 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,163 Now, I am a fair man. 202 00:14:12,337 --> 00:14:14,543 You will have 72 hours to vacate. 203 00:14:14,714 --> 00:14:18,416 At that time, we will blow up your house and any remaining Simpsons. 204 00:14:18,593 --> 00:14:20,753 Homer, we've got to stop them. 205 00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:23,420 I know what you're up to, Mayor Terwigager... 206 00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:26,766 ...and no one in my family's gonna stand for it. 207 00:14:27,853 --> 00:14:30,095 Move your goddurn house, son. 208 00:14:33,192 --> 00:14:38,317 Bart, by special request of the mayor's office, you are going to be left back. 209 00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:41,738 You mean I have to repeat the fourth grade? 210 00:14:41,909 --> 00:14:45,742 Well, yes. But not for four or five years. Bart, you're going to kindergarten. 211 00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:47,788 Kindergarten? 212 00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:52,458 Now, boys and girls, who knows what this is? 213 00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:54,996 -Triangle. -Very good, Bart. 214 00:14:55,173 --> 00:14:57,843 You have first choice of toys for free play. 215 00:14:58,010 --> 00:14:59,754 Cool. I call the Flintstone phone. 216 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,633 I like talking to you. 217 00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:12,978 We're gonna lose our house and end up living under a bridge like common trolls. 218 00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:15,392 I don't think Bob won that election legally. 219 00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:18,275 I can't believe a convicted felon would get so many votes... 220 00:15:18,448 --> 00:15:20,738 ...and another convicted felon would get so few. 221 00:15:24,829 --> 00:15:28,745 Here you go. The results of last month's mayor election. 222 00:15:28,917 --> 00:15:31,408 All 48,000 voters and who each one of them voted for. 223 00:15:31,586 --> 00:15:33,912 I thought this was a secret ballot. 224 00:15:40,137 --> 00:15:43,803 Okay, Aaron A. Aaronson voted for... 225 00:15:43,974 --> 00:15:45,635 ...Bob. 226 00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:48,183 Aaron L. Aaronson voted for... 227 00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:50,347 ...Bob. 228 00:15:50,523 --> 00:15:53,643 Arthur B. Ablabab voted for... 229 00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,563 ...Bob. 230 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:13,292 Whoever wrote that note wants to meet us here tonight? 231 00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:17,165 This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein. 232 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,463 Except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie Comics. 233 00:16:20,638 --> 00:16:23,925 Stuck-up Riverdale punks. Think they're too good for me. 234 00:16:26,102 --> 00:16:28,771 You're on the right track. Follow the names. 235 00:16:28,938 --> 00:16:31,228 How the hell do you know? 236 00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:38,229 I can't tell you who I am, but I worked on the campaign. 237 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,323 Hey, Mr. Smithers! 238 00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:45,614 Well, you might as well give me a ride home now. 239 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,709 I've never gone behind Mr. Burns' back before... 240 00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:51,367 ...but Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views... 241 00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:54,879 ...conflict with my choice of lifestyle. 242 00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,302 All I can do is give you one name. Edgar Neubauer. 243 00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:01,926 Find him, and you'll find your answer. 244 00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:10,774 No Edgar Neubauer. 245 00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:21,784 This is hopeless. They're gonna demolish our house for sure. 246 00:17:21,952 --> 00:17:24,277 We're gonna have to move into a Motel 6. 247 00:17:24,455 --> 00:17:27,409 But Dad can't afford 6 dollars a night. 248 00:17:27,625 --> 00:17:31,492 Hey. Lis. Lis, come here. I found him. 249 00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:33,166 I found Edgar Neubauer. 250 00:17:36,175 --> 00:17:39,924 Oh, my God. The dead have risen, and they're voting Republican. 251 00:17:40,096 --> 00:17:42,849 No, Bart. Don't you see? Dead people can't vote. 252 00:17:44,517 --> 00:17:48,302 Look, "Prudence Goodwyfe. Died, 1641." 253 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,307 She voted for Bob too. 254 00:17:50,649 --> 00:17:53,603 So did Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper. 255 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:57,395 Even the pet cemetery voted for Bob. 256 00:17:57,573 --> 00:18:01,274 Look. Mr. and Mrs. Bananas, Humphrey Boa-gart. 257 00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:05,498 Oh, my poor dead kitty, please, not you too. 258 00:18:07,124 --> 00:18:10,541 All right, Bob, now it's personal. 259 00:18:10,711 --> 00:18:13,963 Hey. He did try to kill me. 260 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,702 Mr. Mayor, is it true you rigged the election? 261 00:18:45,873 --> 00:18:47,830 No, I did not. 262 00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:50,458 Kids, help. 263 00:18:52,171 --> 00:18:53,500 Oh, I don't mind. 264 00:18:53,673 --> 00:18:56,960 We want these children to feel justice has been served. 265 00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:03,257 That way, they can sleep soundly tonight on their hard, feculent motel pillows. 266 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:07,937 Well, Bart, Lisa, here I am. 267 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,599 I have a plan. I think we can trap him. 268 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,782 You know, Sideshow Bob, I believe you when you say you're innocent. 269 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,777 -Indeed, I am. Because we all know... 270 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,527 ...you're a naive pawn, puppet, if you will... 271 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:29,250 ...of the most diabolical political genius Springfield has ever known: 272 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,495 Birchibald T. Barlow! 273 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,757 Wait... 274 00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:40,463 You don't have the intelligence to rig an election by yourself, do you? 275 00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:43,723 -You were just Barlow's lackey. -You were Ronnie to his Nancy. 276 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,763 -Sonny to his Cher. -Ringo to his rest of the Beatles. 277 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:52,062 Enough! Lies, lies! I did it! I did it all! 278 00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:58,691 There. Is that what you want, you smarmy little bastards? 279 00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:01,322 -We want the truth. -You want the truth? 280 00:20:01,494 --> 00:20:05,659 You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. 281 00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:10,201 I deride your truth-handling abilities. 282 00:20:10,378 --> 00:20:12,371 -Will you get to the point? -Yes. 283 00:20:12,547 --> 00:20:17,376 Only I could have executed such a masterpiece of electoral fraud. 284 00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:19,297 And I have the records to prove it. 285 00:20:19,471 --> 00:20:25,178 Here, just look at these. Each one a work of Machiavellian art. 286 00:20:27,897 --> 00:20:32,025 -But why? Because you need me, Springfield. 287 00:20:32,193 --> 00:20:35,776 Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic. 288 00:20:35,947 --> 00:20:39,530 But deep down inside, you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican... 289 00:20:39,701 --> 00:20:43,153 ...to lower taxes, brutalize criminals and rule you like a king. 290 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:47,031 That's why I did this. To protect you from yourselves. 291 00:20:47,542 --> 00:20:49,084 Now, if you don't mind, I have a city to run. 292 00:20:51,254 --> 00:20:55,585 -Bailiffs, place the mayor under arrest. -What? Oh, yes, all that stuff I did. 293 00:20:57,344 --> 00:20:59,883 Bart, we did it. Now we get to keep our house... 294 00:21:00,055 --> 00:21:02,594 ...and you get to go back to the fourth grade. 295 00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:05,602 Tomorrow we were gonna find out who the dish ran away with. 296 00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:08,807 -The spoon, Bart. -Of course. 297 00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:16,441 Someday, I'll have my vengeance. 298 00:21:16,614 --> 00:21:21,609 Someday, when I find my way out of this savage, roach-ridden cesspool. 299 00:21:23,205 --> 00:21:26,325 -Say, Terwilliger's a Yalie. -Bob, come along. 300 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:29,751 We need an eighth to raw against the Princeton alums. 301 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,581 Princeton? 302 00:21:34,675 --> 00:21:37,214 Stroke. Stroke.