1 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,675 CHALMERS: Next item on the agenda. 2 00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:10,992 Principal Duggins. 3 00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:13,661 Well, I see that not one of your students 4 00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:16,590 was able to meet the national fitness standards: 5 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,999 a light jog. 6 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:19,576 -(moans softly) -Come on, Duggins. 7 00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:21,928 You got to be a role model for those lazy kids. 8 00:00:22,081 --> 00:00:24,931 Tell them you put in two hours a day stretching... 9 00:00:25,084 --> 00:00:27,751 your lap band. (laughs) 10 00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:29,253 (munching) 11 00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:30,754 (imitates stomach stretching and popping) 12 00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,814 (all laughing) 13 00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:36,777 Oh, my goodness. Thank you, Principal Finch. 14 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:40,597 Well, I guess we can cross "hilarious joke" off the agenda. 15 00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:42,616 Oh, I-I've also got a funny thing. 16 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,769 (chuckles) Duggins' wife was unfaithful. 17 00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:47,212 (chuckles) 18 00:00:47,405 --> 00:00:50,865 Skinner, learn how to read a room. 19 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,943 -Sorry, Duggins. -Screw you. 20 00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:56,613 Indeed. Now, as you all know, this weekend in Cincinnati 21 00:00:56,673 --> 00:00:59,783 is the national administrator's convention, 22 00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:01,226 or EDU-CON. 23 00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:04,121 And, uh, well, I have been invited 24 00:01:04,223 --> 00:01:06,123 to give the keynote address. 25 00:01:06,141 --> 00:01:08,716 -(excited chatter) -Oh, well. 26 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,569 Yes. Uh, Sunday. (chuckles) 27 00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:12,145 Main auditorium. 28 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:16,033 The Proctor & Gamble Room? Crushed it! 29 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,152 (Skinner inhales, grunts) 30 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,638 Well, that couldn't have gone worse. 31 00:01:21,698 --> 00:01:22,823 I agree. 32 00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:24,083 Yes, well, as you all know, 33 00:01:24,276 --> 00:01:26,901 the budget allows for a plus-one, 34 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,587 and I was thinking I would bring 35 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,832 the principal with the highest test scores, 36 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,284 -Finch. -Well, that's not fair. 37 00:01:34,378 --> 00:01:36,762 Finch runs the magnet school for gifted test takers. 38 00:01:36,955 --> 00:01:39,914 Uh, sorry, Seymour, but I have made my decision. 39 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:42,326 If it makes you feel any better, you were never in the running. 40 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,087 Hey, we are gonna light Cincinnati up. 41 00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,515 I got a buddy who used to be the long snapper for the Bengals. 42 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,851 He co-owns this amazing poké place. 43 00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:52,669 Seaweed, furikake, 44 00:01:52,729 --> 00:01:54,020 soakin' in ponzu! 45 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:57,032 My God, you're cool. 46 00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:02,604 Okay, this is for all the marbles. 47 00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,531 (grunts) 48 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:08,018 (laughs) No wonder Chalmers is taking Finch to Cincinnati. 49 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,519 How'd you hear about that? 50 00:02:09,621 --> 00:02:11,355 It's all over the playground. 51 00:02:11,415 --> 00:02:12,856 ♪ Chalmers went to Cincy ♪ 52 00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:14,449 ♪ Didn't take our princy ♪ 53 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:17,377 ♪ How many tears did Skinner cry? ♪ 54 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,805 ♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪ 55 00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:21,381 Well, as usual, 56 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,867 the double Dutchers have zeroed in on my pain. 57 00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:25,385 (sighs) 58 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,663 Look, Seymour, are you ready for some tough love? 59 00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:28,722 Is there any other kind? 60 00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,390 Being around you sucks. 61 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,651 No one's ever gonna invite you to anything. 62 00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,302 If there's a party you want to go to, 63 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,562 you got to crash it, 64 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,381 or you'll spend the rest of your life 65 00:02:37,441 --> 00:02:40,492 sitting around with your hand stuck in a pelvis. 66 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,888 It's too late. The plus-one has been invoked. 67 00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:46,981 Dude, you're Seymour Skinner. 68 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,334 No matter how badly you're treated, 69 00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:50,560 you keep coming back for more. 70 00:02:50,621 --> 00:02:52,987 That's your superpower. Use it! 71 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,632 You're right. I will. 72 00:02:57,252 --> 00:03:00,304 Aw, look at you, grazing the thumb. 73 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:05,017 Come on. Come on, come on, come on. 74 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,518 (phone rings) 75 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,094 Finch, where are you? 76 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,671 We're going to miss our flight. 77 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,172 Can't make it, Gary. 78 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,507 I ate some pre-trip poké last night, 79 00:03:12,643 --> 00:03:14,418 and it's blitzkrieging my intestines. 80 00:03:14,519 --> 00:03:17,087 I'm firing salmon eggs from both ends. 81 00:03:17,105 --> 00:03:18,755 But you're my ride to the airport. 82 00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:21,591 My car's in the shop being winterized. 83 00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,760 Sorry, dude. Yeah? Cool. 84 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:25,595 (groans) 85 00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:28,207 Hop in, sir. We still have time to make our flight. 86 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,210 Skinner? W-What are you doing here? 87 00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:33,528 Well, I saw on Finch's InstaSnap story 88 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,439 that he's firing salmon eggs from both ends. 89 00:03:35,499 --> 00:03:37,624 So I rushed over here at once. 90 00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:39,885 You want to come with me to Cincinnat-- No. Thank you. 91 00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:42,629 Very thoughtful, Seymour, but I-I wouldn't want to... 92 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,723 You wouldn't want the school board to find out 93 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,226 you wasted the transferrable but not refundable 94 00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:50,878 $65 plus-one registration fee? 95 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:53,565 (sighs) No, I would not. 96 00:03:53,758 --> 00:03:56,151 Oh, boy. 97 00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,146 (grunting) 98 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:03,133 Ah, Game Night. (chuckles) 99 00:04:03,193 --> 00:04:04,892 Jason Bateman, your boyish charisma 100 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,637 was made for the low-res seatback screen. 101 00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:08,730 (whimpers) 102 00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:10,156 Sir, are you all right? 103 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:11,566 Uh, if you must know, 104 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,735 flying makes me just a little bit nervous. 105 00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,312 Where'd you put my carry-on? 106 00:04:15,372 --> 00:04:17,497 I'm going to pop an antianxiety pill. 107 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,983 Oh, I gate-checked your bag. It's free, 108 00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:22,486 and you don't have to fight for precious overhead space. 109 00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:24,671 Another classic Skinner travel hack. 110 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,266 My pills were in that bag, you idiot! 111 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:30,385 You-- Okay. Okay. (chuckles) I can do this. 112 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,163 (exhales) It's just a short domestic flight. 113 00:04:33,223 --> 00:04:35,440 I'm completely safe, right? 114 00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:37,350 Sure. And if you're stressed, you can take comfort 115 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,094 in the passengers' many emotional support animals. 116 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,597 CHALMERS: Ugh. Aah! 117 00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:43,448 -(oinks) -Pig? 118 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,191 -(gobbles) -Aah! 119 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,027 I'm going to die in a flying zoo. 120 00:04:47,179 --> 00:04:48,770 (laughs) 121 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:51,698 (groaning nervously) 122 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,883 (laughs) 123 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:58,422 Everyone around you is taking their shoes off. 124 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,375 Okay, no one is safe. No one's sa-- 125 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,694 That-that phone is not in airplane mode. 126 00:05:04,755 --> 00:05:07,455 The pilot dresses like an alcoholic! 127 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,699 Somebody's yelling! Who is yelling?! 128 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,552 Where in the name of God is the air marshal?! 129 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,646 (muffled shouting) 130 00:05:17,392 --> 00:05:18,800 (grunts) 131 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:22,729 You're banned from Air Cincinnati forever. 132 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:25,824 Well, we've got to get another flight. 133 00:05:25,975 --> 00:05:27,717 Uh, we can't, sir. 134 00:05:27,819 --> 00:05:30,737 Uh, Air Cincinnati's the only airline that flies to Cincinnati 135 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,239 since the demise of Cincin-Air-Y. 136 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,816 Well, that's just great. That's great! 137 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,726 In 36 hours, I have to give 138 00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:38,653 the most important speech of my life. 139 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,155 Now, how in the name of Satan's jockstrap 140 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,592 am I supposed to get there? 141 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,253 Please, sir. If you give me one last chance, 142 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,014 I will think of nothing else but getting you 143 00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:51,257 to that keynote speech on time. 144 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:54,561 Nah, I'll just drive myself. 145 00:05:55,713 --> 00:05:57,263 (screeching) 146 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,749 All right, where is your car? 147 00:05:59,851 --> 00:06:01,418 It, too, is being winterized. 148 00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:03,420 But I know where to get one. 149 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,013 Oh, no. You're not borrowing my Buick. 150 00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:08,033 I just had it winterized. 151 00:06:08,226 --> 00:06:10,685 But, Mother, this road trip is my last chance 152 00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:13,763 to become friends with the man I admire most in the world. 153 00:06:13,824 --> 00:06:14,856 Please. 154 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,709 Well, you did do such a nice job 155 00:06:17,902 --> 00:06:19,786 re-beading my eyeglass chain. 156 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,507 I guess a boy your age should have friends. 157 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,052 ♪ ♪ 158 00:06:29,464 --> 00:06:32,115 Ah, you, me and the open road, huh? 159 00:06:32,175 --> 00:06:37,287 Yeah. Maybe some music will make the time pass more quickly. 160 00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:40,047 ♪ Timothy, Timothy... ♪ 161 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,126 I hope you like this song, 'cause it's stuck in the player, 162 00:06:43,186 --> 00:06:44,794 and there's no volume knob. 163 00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:47,889 ♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪ 164 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:52,285 ♪ God, what did we do? ♪ 165 00:06:58,368 --> 00:07:00,752 Oh, did you know that in Cincinnati, they have 166 00:07:00,945 --> 00:07:02,904 four different ways of preparing chili? 167 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,405 You don't say, huh? 168 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,091 -Four different ways. -The two-way, 169 00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:07,317 -chili with spaghetti. -How about that. 170 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,002 -Spaghetti? -The three-way, 171 00:07:09,154 --> 00:07:10,320 -chili with spaghetti and cheese. -Lot of ways. 172 00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:11,821 -Please shut up. -Oh! (chuckles) 173 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,323 -Oh, he's got more. -And there's two kinds 174 00:07:13,425 --> 00:07:14,766 -of four-ways. -I just... I-I want to die. 175 00:07:14,918 --> 00:07:17,269 Hmm? Mm! 176 00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:18,270 (tires screech) 177 00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:20,421 Hitchhikers! Oh, thank the Lord. 178 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,423 Hitchhikers, sir? Is this safe? 179 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,350 They can bury us in a shallow grave 180 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,611 as long as they don't talk about chili. 181 00:07:26,804 --> 00:07:29,856 Thanks for picking us up. We're on our way to a gig. 182 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,617 Oh, a-a gig. Are you, uh, musicians? 183 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,268 Oh, no. We do... 184 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,179 ALL: Improv Shakespeare! 185 00:07:36,239 --> 00:07:38,014 Improvisers? 186 00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:40,684 In the style of Shakespeare? That seems impossible. 187 00:07:40,785 --> 00:07:43,110 Methinks this noble lord doth doubt our wit. 188 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:46,206 We must perform or else be deemed unfit! 189 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,968 A word, a word. My kingdom for a word. 190 00:07:50,161 --> 00:07:53,287 -No, no, don't give them a suggestion. -Cupholders. 191 00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,381 To grasp a cup would seem a great ordeal. 192 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,885 When one must keep both hands upon the wheel. 193 00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:02,964 The pentameter checks out. Your parents must be so proud. 194 00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,131 They're not. 195 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,317 (growls) 196 00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:09,212 (Greg vocalizing Mozart's "Greensleeves") 197 00:08:09,272 --> 00:08:11,064 Toupee or not toupee, 198 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,549 that is the question. 199 00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,142 You are the only ones having fun! 200 00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,402 Just you! 201 00:08:16,555 --> 00:08:18,071 Oh, oh, beware the ides of... 202 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,981 -Truck! -(all screaming) 203 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,417 (horn blaring) 204 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,173 (grunting) 205 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:33,236 Well, well, well, what have we got here? 206 00:08:33,255 --> 00:08:35,071 (chuckles) Don't worry, Officer. 207 00:08:35,131 --> 00:08:36,848 It's, uh, minor damage. 208 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,433 Nothing serious. 209 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,188 Alas, poor Buick. I knew it well. 210 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,565 Oh! (choking) 211 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:53,256 Dear Lord. Our car, our wallets, our luggage, 212 00:08:53,275 --> 00:08:55,425 they're all blown to shreds. 213 00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:57,184 But the keynote. Your speech. 214 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,778 It's all on the cards right here. 215 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,040 But what good will it be when some backwoods judge 216 00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:03,691 throws the book at us, huh? 217 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:08,004 All rise for the Honorable Judge J.T. Winchester. 218 00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:12,125 Who dragged me in here on a Saturday 219 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,127 in the middle of my Lifetime movies? 220 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,446 I'm missing my Lifetimes! 221 00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:19,874 An old woman who's enraged by my very existence. 222 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,710 Don't worry, sir. I got this. 223 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,229 Your Honor, permission to observe 224 00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:27,732 that your poor cuticles are raw and torn. 225 00:09:27,884 --> 00:09:29,292 Thanks to my idiot son. 226 00:09:29,352 --> 00:09:32,128 He made my manicure appointment with Tanya P. 227 00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:33,646 instead of Tanya G. 228 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,816 Oh, well, that boy's as useless as a shaved frog. 229 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,243 Now, Mother... 230 00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:40,579 Hush up and empty the spittoons, Fennimore. 231 00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:42,289 (sighs) 232 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,308 You know, I always travel 233 00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:47,493 with cuticle scissors and jojoba oil. 234 00:09:47,646 --> 00:09:50,297 Let's get these ladies ready for their close-up. 235 00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:55,151 Now, you have fun at the convention, boys. 236 00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,078 You just bring it back whenever. 237 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,488 (tires screech) 238 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:01,099 Mother, you never let me drive the Cutlass. 239 00:10:01,292 --> 00:10:04,418 My car is for good boys! 240 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,688 Hmm. 241 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:13,853 ♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪ 242 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,282 ♪ God, what did we do? ♪ 243 00:10:18,768 --> 00:10:21,010 Well, we're only a half hour behind schedule. 244 00:10:21,071 --> 00:10:22,695 Should we, uh, brainstorm on a code 245 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,197 for the hotel room safe? 246 00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:27,016 Seymour, you charmed the Depends off that lady. 247 00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:29,294 I believe I owe you a beer. 248 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,855 A biker bar? 249 00:10:31,873 --> 00:10:33,298 Are you sure it's safe? 250 00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:35,634 All right, stop quivering like a quince jelly. 251 00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,552 You're with me. 252 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,182 ♪ ♪ 253 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,651 Sir, this isn't a biker bar. 254 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,878 It's a cyclist bar. 255 00:10:54,938 --> 00:10:56,062 Don't be a ninny, Seymour. 256 00:10:56,214 --> 00:10:57,397 Uh, barkeep! 257 00:10:57,549 --> 00:10:59,399 A beer for me and my coworker here. 258 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,051 We just serve energy gels and oxygen. 259 00:11:02,153 --> 00:11:04,245 You don't like it, get out. 260 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,890 (inhales deeply) 261 00:11:06,991 --> 00:11:08,166 (grunts) 262 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:12,319 You two oil burners might want to skedaddle 263 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,507 before my resting heart rate elevates to 60 bpm. 264 00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:18,084 That's "beats per minute," oil burner! 265 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,679 (cackling) 266 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,972 (laughter) 267 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,393 (slurping) 268 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,689 Uh, why don't you calm down there, Slim? 269 00:11:30,882 --> 00:11:32,023 (watch beeping) 270 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,651 What did you call me? 271 00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:38,087 -(growling) -Uh... 272 00:11:38,148 --> 00:11:40,365 Uh... Oh. 273 00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:47,764 The bike computers! 274 00:11:47,824 --> 00:11:49,615 All our stats were on there! 275 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,617 They hadn't synced yet! 276 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,938 Yeah, but you-you still got the exercise, right? 277 00:11:54,998 --> 00:11:57,298 (tires screech) 278 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,554 (tires screech) 279 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,447 (engine revs) 280 00:12:04,507 --> 00:12:06,707 Whoa. It's as if the rules of the road 281 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,117 don't apply to them. 282 00:12:08,219 --> 00:12:10,803 Are you pedestrians or vehicles?! 283 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,288 Make a choice! 284 00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:13,473 Never! 285 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,985 -(tires screeching) -Whoa! Whoa! 286 00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:20,980 (grunts) Skinner, what do we do? 287 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,408 Seymour! Well, don't go! 288 00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,909 Skinner? 289 00:12:25,102 --> 00:12:27,954 (bicycles clicking) 290 00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:31,166 (cyclists panting) 291 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,495 Step away from my superintendent. 292 00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,313 (chuckles) What's he gonna do? 293 00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:38,590 He's just one guy. 294 00:12:38,783 --> 00:12:41,150 (cackling) 295 00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:42,668 You're never alone 296 00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:45,930 when you're a veteran of the U.S. Armed Forces. 297 00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:47,991 And I do mean armed. 298 00:12:48,009 --> 00:12:52,345 Para-athletes like us are the natural enemy of cycling clubs. 299 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,089 Their biceps are bigger than my quads! 300 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,233 To the support van! 301 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,112 (all sucking) 302 00:13:01,305 --> 00:13:03,764 (tires screeching) 303 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,358 Seymour, how did you... 304 00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:07,693 I keep abreast of local veterans' events. 305 00:13:07,846 --> 00:13:10,121 Luckily, the Wheel Team Six para-marathoners 306 00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:11,790 were racing nearby. 307 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,083 Seymour, you have earned this. 308 00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:17,295 (shudders): Ooh! 309 00:13:18,957 --> 00:13:21,299 You know, there was a time I would have mocked you 310 00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:25,119 for collecting bed-and-breakfast travel points with your mother, 311 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,454 but, I'll tell ya, today those points have paid 312 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,641 for this sweet, thick elderberry wine. 313 00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:33,294 Well, nothing is as sweet as your kind words. 314 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,720 Aw. 315 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,539 (sipping) 316 00:13:36,558 --> 00:13:38,149 -(chuckles): Ooh. -Oh, yeah. That's good stuff. 317 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,303 (humming softly) 318 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:45,973 Ernest, I've never felt more independent and strong. 319 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,492 Can I use your phone to call Mother? 320 00:13:47,685 --> 00:13:49,160 There she is. 321 00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:52,388 Just make sure no one's using the upstairs extension. 322 00:13:52,407 --> 00:13:54,240 You're back in the office already? 323 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,818 Principal Finch, your gut biome is a wonder. 324 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,988 So, how's Sad Sack Seymour and the Cincinnati Snooze Cruise? 325 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,566 (chuckles reluctantly) Yeah, vintage Finch. 326 00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:05,993 But, uh, believe it or not, Skinner has shown, 327 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,995 uh, bursts of utility. 328 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,572 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 329 00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:11,683 You better not be getting cold feet, Gary. 330 00:14:11,876 --> 00:14:13,000 We made an agreement. 331 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,744 Skinner gets canned, 332 00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:18,005 and I leave my tiny little magnet school for the big time, 333 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,917 Springfield Elementary. 334 00:14:20,935 --> 00:14:21,934 I'm pumped! 335 00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,419 Yes, I know, I know. 336 00:14:23,521 --> 00:14:25,922 The plan was to fire Skinner, and, uh... 337 00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:27,198 (sighs heavily) 338 00:14:27,391 --> 00:14:29,926 ...I am a man of my word. 339 00:14:29,986 --> 00:14:31,852 Fire Skinner? 340 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,705 Chalmers! 341 00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:35,039 Oh, dear. 342 00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:43,047 -(sighing) -(quiet chatter) 343 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,049 -(gasping) -Fire me?! 344 00:14:45,201 --> 00:14:47,534 You bald-pated son of a bitch. 345 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,870 Uh, i-if you two gentlemen could please... 346 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,890 Stay out of this, Trudy! 347 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,875 For years, this man belittled me. 348 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:57,395 Humiliated me. 349 00:14:57,546 --> 00:14:59,805 And in exchange for my unwavering loyalty, 350 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,566 what was my reward? 351 00:15:01,717 --> 00:15:04,885 Whoa, to be pushed out by some scheming magnet school... 352 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,979 keister kisser! 353 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,222 (grunts) 354 00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:10,557 The brochures nobody takes! 355 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:13,653 I'm the one who deserved this trip to Cincinnati, not Finch. 356 00:15:13,805 --> 00:15:16,806 That's why I put black mold in his poké. 357 00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:17,823 (grunts, shakes) 358 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:20,084 You did what? 359 00:15:20,277 --> 00:15:22,662 Ooh. The Rocking Chair Museum. 360 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,829 I've heard good things. 361 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,816 Skinner...! 362 00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:28,818 You know why I was gonna fire you, Seymour? 363 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,821 Because your neediness, it sucks the life out of me! 364 00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:35,675 After all these years of trying to spare your feelings, 365 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,101 I'm just gonna say it now: 366 00:15:37,294 --> 00:15:39,829 I... don't... like you! 367 00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:42,498 ♪ And the man in the back said, "Everyone attack" ♪ 368 00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:44,591 ♪ And it turned into a ballroom blitz ♪ 369 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,852 ♪ And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn you ♪ 370 00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,429 ♪ It'll turn into a ballroom blitz" ♪ 371 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,782 -(groans) -♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ 372 00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:53,267 -(grunts) -♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ 373 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,787 -♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ -(grunting) 374 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,013 ♪ Ballroom blitz. ♪ 375 00:15:57,073 --> 00:15:58,957 Ooh, Terry Bradshaw stayed here. 376 00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:00,850 Not the one you're thinking of. 377 00:16:00,952 --> 00:16:02,518 ("Ballroom Blitz" continues) 378 00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:04,587 -(straining) -(gagging) 379 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:06,947 (panting) 380 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,691 (coughs) 381 00:16:08,751 --> 00:16:10,802 You know, I'm not gonna give you the pleasure of firing me, 382 00:16:10,995 --> 00:16:12,553 because I quit! 383 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,123 Good riddance! 384 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,684 (tires screeching) 385 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,231 (brakes hiss) 386 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,527 ♪ ♪ 387 00:16:37,113 --> 00:16:39,739 (siren wailing) 388 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,148 (siren stops) 389 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,259 Well, well, well. 390 00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:45,561 If it isn't the Cuticle Kid. 391 00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:48,231 You racing to give a mani-pedi? 392 00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:50,508 (sighs) Just give me the ticket, Fennimore. 393 00:16:50,701 --> 00:16:53,994 License and my mother's registration. 394 00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,555 (gasps) 395 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,392 Superintendent, you're on in five. 396 00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:02,186 Great, great. I'll just ensure my notecards 397 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,837 are in the correct order. 398 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,264 Uh, uh... 399 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:08,100 "Road trip conversation starters"? 400 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,345 (groaning) 401 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:12,572 (shouts) 402 00:17:14,358 --> 00:17:15,849 We switched jackets. 403 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,518 Seymour has my speech! 404 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,203 It's often been said that one speech 405 00:17:19,396 --> 00:17:21,614 can make or break a man's career. 406 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,934 Together, we now face such a moment. 407 00:17:24,994 --> 00:17:26,452 Our keynote speaker, 408 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:30,548 Superintendent Garibaldi Chalmers. 409 00:17:30,741 --> 00:17:32,050 (grumbles nervously) 410 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,968 (man coughs) 411 00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:36,554 Um... (clears throat) 412 00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:38,372 Well, it's an honor, uh, to be here 413 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,724 in, uh, uh, Cleveland. 414 00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,375 MAN: It's Cincinnati! 415 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,452 MAN 2: Look at the skyline! 416 00:17:43,513 --> 00:17:46,289 You just-- You won't believe what's happened. 417 00:17:46,349 --> 00:17:48,291 I'm... (stammers) Well, maybe you will! 418 00:17:48,351 --> 00:17:50,384 You've all got that one principal, 419 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:54,146 that one that gets you into such ridiculous situations, 420 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,224 uh, uh, maybe even on the way here. 421 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,970 SUPERINTENDENTS: Mm. Yes. Quite. 422 00:18:00,988 --> 00:18:04,248 (chuckles) This guy, Skinner, h-he screws everything up. 423 00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:06,900 He took my jacket and my speech! 424 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:10,755 He left me with the useless garbage in his pockets. 425 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,816 A mommy manicure kit. 426 00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:15,651 A-a VFW event calendar. 427 00:18:15,711 --> 00:18:17,486 A, uh, B&B rewards card. 428 00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:19,505 (chuckles) Calico Level. 429 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:23,083 (mutters) And conversation starters like... 430 00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:26,662 (sighs) "How can I make your job easier?" 431 00:18:26,681 --> 00:18:28,940 MAN: He sounds like a good guy, you jackass! 432 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:30,683 Well, I... 433 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,110 I suppose he is. 434 00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:34,946 He's loyal and resourceful and... 435 00:18:35,139 --> 00:18:36,689 Oh, God, help me. 436 00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,765 I respect Seymour Skinner. 437 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,601 (chuckles): In fact, I like him. 438 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,194 ♪ ♪ 439 00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:44,288 (sniffles) Ditto, Gary. 440 00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:50,670 Aw, Skinner. 441 00:18:53,157 --> 00:18:56,467 I've got something that belongs to you. 442 00:18:56,660 --> 00:19:00,713 Now go give the greatest keynote speech of your life. 443 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,199 Well, maybe I already have, huh? 444 00:19:03,217 --> 00:19:05,718 But if I must. (clears throat) 445 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,887 Educational Infrastructure: 446 00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,481 Ability Grouping versus Blended Learning. 447 00:19:10,674 --> 00:19:13,634 Now, a survey of public administrators 448 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:17,229 over a 15-trimester period showed clearly, 449 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,949 within the standard deviation, of course... 450 00:19:20,885 --> 00:19:22,385 Well, you did it, dude. 451 00:19:22,486 --> 00:19:24,328 How does it feel to get what you've always wanted? 452 00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:26,330 ♪ Chalmers loves Skinner ♪ 453 00:19:26,523 --> 00:19:28,166 ♪ Bought him chili dinner ♪ 454 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,318 ♪ How many ways did Skinner try? ♪ 455 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,987 ♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪ 456 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,674 It feels just like this. 457 00:19:38,535 --> 00:19:40,586 ("WKRP in Cincinnati Main Theme" playing) 458 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,722 ♪ ♪ 459 00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:49,670 ♪ Maybe you and me were never meant to be ♪ 460 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,148 ♪ Just maybe think of me once in a while. ♪ 461 00:20:02,652 --> 00:20:04,777 So, guys, what have you been up to? 462 00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:07,205 Oh, went on a field trip to the fire station, 463 00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:09,373 but nobody told the firemen we were coming. 464 00:20:09,566 --> 00:20:12,117 Practiced my sax, went to school. 465 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,620 Oh, we learned about Peru. 466 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,771 Oh. 467 00:20:15,831 --> 00:20:17,215 I went to work. 468 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,108 Lenny had a cold, so he wasn't there. 469 00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,459 Carl was there though. 470 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,387 Well, have I got a treat for you all. 471 00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:27,308 Tonight, we're going to see Improv Shakespeare! 472 00:20:28,636 --> 00:20:29,876 Washing machine! 473 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,454 Out, damned stain! 474 00:20:31,555 --> 00:20:35,124 For there is a Tide Pod in the affairs of laundry. 475 00:20:35,184 --> 00:20:39,886 (chuckles) Can you imagine Shakespeare using a Tide Pod? 476 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,240 -No. -(Bart groans) -Oy. 477 00:20:42,391 --> 00:20:45,484 ("WKRP in Cincinnati End Credits" playing) 478 00:20:45,636 --> 00:20:48,079 ♪ ♪ 479 00:20:48,272 --> 00:20:49,413 ♪ Mad tooth bar chin-up ♪ 480 00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:52,416 ♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪ 481 00:20:53,736 --> 00:20:58,005 ♪ Still do the modern-day whack-a-mole ditto-o-o ♪ 482 00:20:59,542 --> 00:21:01,926 ♪ What's that? Good bartender ♪ 483 00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:04,336 ♪ I had better head out ♪ 484 00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:10,017 ♪ I said I wouldn't do it if a poodle had a lid on ♪ 485 00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:16,348 ♪ Mad tooth bar chin-up ♪ 486 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:18,651 ♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪ 487 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:25,032 ♪ Still do the modern-day whack-a-mole ditto-o-o ♪ 488 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,576 ♪ What's that? ♪