1 00:00:04,101 --> 00:00:07,400 " The Simpsons " 2 00:00:15,746 --> 00:00:17,714 D'oh! 3 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:38,762 Please, Krusty, this is very demeaning. 4 00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,769 Shut up and conduct! 5 00:00:42,206 --> 00:00:44,572 (''Blue Danube Waltz'') 6 00:01:02,126 --> 00:01:05,459 Maggie, can you point to the monkey? 7 00:01:05,562 --> 00:01:07,462 What do babies know? 8 00:01:07,564 --> 00:01:11,159 Maggie, can you point to the credenza? 9 00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:13,236 - D'oh! - Homer,you didn't do... 10 00:01:13,337 --> 00:01:15,498 a very goodjob frosting Maggie's birthday cake. 11 00:01:15,606 --> 00:01:19,474 What? It's not ''Magaggie's'' birthday? 12 00:01:19,576 --> 00:01:24,138 Oh. 13 00:01:24,248 --> 00:01:28,014 Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop it! I made a special cake for you to ruin. 14 00:01:28,118 --> 00:01:30,552 - It's over there. - Ooh. 15 00:01:34,858 --> 00:01:37,224 Hello, everyone, except Homer. 16 00:01:37,328 --> 00:01:40,092 Happy Birthday, Granddaughter. 17 00:01:40,197 --> 00:01:43,860 Marge, I think that's your father-in-law across the street. 18 00:01:45,502 --> 00:01:48,801 Happy birthday! 19 00:01:48,906 --> 00:01:53,002 Everybody get ready. Here comes the birthday girl... 20 00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:56,079 in her very first dress. 21 00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:59,479 - Aww! - She's a little angel. 22 00:01:59,583 --> 00:02:03,849 Yeah. I wanna put a hook in her and hang her from our Christmas tree. 23 00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:07,549 - What smells? - Uh-oh. 24 00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:13,759 Shouldn't we wait for the other babies before we open presents? 25 00:02:13,864 --> 00:02:18,324 We didn't invite other babies. Maggie doesn't seem to get along with the other babies. 26 00:02:23,807 --> 00:02:27,004 Maggie, we have a surprise for you.! 27 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:41,584 Ooh, put some Lister's Carbolic Unguent on a wad of cotton. 28 00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:45,253 Put the cotton in her ear. That'll stop them shakes. 29 00:02:45,362 --> 00:02:47,592 No, no. What she needs is a balsam specific. 30 00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:51,634 Balsam specific! Oof-- While we're burning money... 31 00:02:51,735 --> 00:02:54,670 why don't we give her a curative galvanic belt too? 32 00:02:54,772 --> 00:02:58,970 - Don't forget to give her Smeckler's Powder. - Don't make fun. 33 00:03:02,513 --> 00:03:05,175 I remember Lisa's third birthday. 34 00:03:05,282 --> 00:03:08,547 She and Bart did this adorable little song and dance routine. 35 00:03:08,652 --> 00:03:12,144 Oh! That was a real horn-honker! 36 00:03:12,256 --> 00:03:14,588 Let's see it. 37 00:03:14,691 --> 00:03:18,422 - Now! Do it! - Oh! 38 00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:20,622 Do it! 39 00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:26,802 - " Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs " - Sing it like you mean it! 40 00:03:26,904 --> 00:03:29,896 ""What kinds of kids eat Armour hot dogs " 41 00:03:30,007 --> 00:03:31,975 - " Fat kids " - " Skinny kids " 42 00:03:32,076 --> 00:03:34,067 " Kids who climb on rocks " 43 00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:36,169 - "Tough kids " - " Sissy kids " 44 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,249 - " Even kids with chicken pox " - " Love hot dogs " 45 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,613 "Armour hot dogs " 46 00:03:41,718 --> 00:03:45,882 " "The dogs kids love to " 47 00:03:45,989 --> 00:03:49,618 " Bite " 48 00:03:49,726 --> 00:03:52,354 Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials? 49 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,600 " I feel like chicken tonight " 50 00:03:58,702 --> 00:04:01,728 " Like chicken tonight Like chicken tonight " 51 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:07,969 It's been great spending time with my family again. 52 00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:10,945 I guess the next time I see you won't be until Thanksgiving. 53 00:04:11,048 --> 00:04:14,142 Or if not then, Christmas. 54 00:04:14,251 --> 00:04:16,811 I suppose I'll be getting home too. 55 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,378 At least I got Matlock to keep me company. D'oh! 56 00:04:20,491 --> 00:04:23,722 - He's on in five minutes! - He is? Step on it! 57 00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:28,093 - Oops! - Hurry up! Each Matlock could be our last. 58 00:04:28,198 --> 00:04:30,598 Homie, you know it's funny... 59 00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:33,761 both my mother and your father seem pretty lonely. 60 00:04:33,871 --> 00:04:35,896 That is funny. 61 00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:39,442 Yeah. Anyway, maybe they could go to a matinee together... 62 00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:41,670 or shopping or to that room in the library... 63 00:04:41,778 --> 00:04:44,941 that's always full of old people-- Periodicals, that's it! 64 00:04:45,048 --> 00:04:48,643 Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. 65 00:04:48,752 --> 00:04:50,743 They need to be isolated and studied... 66 00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:52,822 so it can be determined what nutrients they have... 67 00:04:52,923 --> 00:04:54,948 that might be extracted for our personal use. 68 00:04:55,058 --> 00:04:57,049 Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet? 69 00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:58,685 Oh! 70 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:06,027 Say, I've got a neat idea. 71 00:05:06,136 --> 00:05:09,230 Why don't you go in and pick up my mother, and we'll go out to dinner? 72 00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:11,739 I'll be back in a jiffy! 73 00:05:16,013 --> 00:05:19,005 - That's not my mother. - I'll be back in a jiffy! 74 00:05:21,251 --> 00:05:25,551 Can I come too? Oh. 75 00:05:32,529 --> 00:05:35,726 You know, Mom, you and Abe have a lot in common. 76 00:05:35,832 --> 00:05:38,300 Um-- Hmm. 77 00:05:38,402 --> 00:05:41,633 You both got swindled by that telemarketing scam. 78 00:05:41,738 --> 00:05:44,639 Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see... 79 00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:46,936 you give them all your credit card numbers... 80 00:05:47,044 --> 00:05:51,310 and if one of them is lucky, they'll send you a prize. 81 00:05:51,415 --> 00:05:54,748 I was just happy to talk to someone on the phone. 82 00:05:54,851 --> 00:05:57,046 Aw, feelin' blue, eh? 83 00:05:57,154 --> 00:05:59,145 I got somethin' that'll cheer you up. 84 00:06:13,103 --> 00:06:15,162 - Hmm? - Sir, I represent the estate of Charles Chaplin. 85 00:06:15,272 --> 00:06:17,240 I have a court order demanding an immediate halt... 86 00:06:17,341 --> 00:06:19,309 to this unauthorized imitation. 87 00:06:19,409 --> 00:06:21,969 Boys! 88 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:30,016 And here's a picture of me getting arrested for indecent exposure. 89 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,317 It was the most embarrassing day of my life. 90 00:06:33,423 --> 00:06:36,221 Lift those gams.! 91 00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:38,624 You were one nifty number. 92 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:43,462 Boys all paid attention to me and it drove my friends crazy. 93 00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:46,900 - Oh, who were your friends? - Oh, Zelda Fitzgerald... 94 00:06:47,004 --> 00:06:49,370 Frances Farmer and little Sylvia Plath. 95 00:06:49,473 --> 00:06:54,172 You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember... 96 00:06:54,278 --> 00:06:56,542 and a song that may never have existed... 97 00:06:56,647 --> 00:06:59,912 and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to. 98 00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:05,182 - You're so sweet. - Ooh, I feel all funny. 99 00:07:05,289 --> 00:07:08,417 I'm in love! 100 00:07:08,525 --> 00:07:10,550 No, wait, it's a stroke. 101 00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:14,893 No, wait, it is love.! 102 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:21,966 I'm in lo-o-o-o-ve! 103 00:07:24,374 --> 00:07:27,275 Hello, I'm Troy McClure. 104 00:07:27,377 --> 00:07:29,504 You might remember me from such films as... 105 00:07:29,613 --> 00:07:31,740 The Boatjacking of Supership 79... 106 00:07:31,848 --> 00:07:34,840 and Hydro.: The Man With the Hydraulic Arms. 107 00:07:34,951 --> 00:07:37,351 Coming up this hour on the Impulse Buying Network... 108 00:07:37,454 --> 00:07:40,355 your chance to own a piece of Itchy and Scratchy... 109 00:07:40,457 --> 00:07:42,982 the Toontown twosome beloved by everyone-- 110 00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:45,288 even cynical members of Generation X. 111 00:07:45,395 --> 00:07:48,023 Yeah, ''groovy.'' 112 00:07:48,131 --> 00:07:50,099 Troy, I'm proud to offer your viewers... 113 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,101 these hand-drawn Itchy & Scratchy animation cels. 114 00:07:53,203 --> 00:07:56,434 Each one is absolutely, positively, 1 00% guaranteed... 115 00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:58,770 - to increase in value. - I guarantee it. 116 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,172 Whoo! 117 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,881 - Pardon me, sir. Forgive my clumsiness. - Not at all. 118 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,555 Uh, yes, my name is Homer Simpson. 119 00:08:13,657 --> 00:08:15,852 and I'd like to order an Itchy & Scratchy cel. 120 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,018 My credit card? 121 00:08:18,128 --> 00:08:20,619 Uh, do you accept the ''Federal Breast Inspector's'' card? 122 00:08:20,731 --> 00:08:23,222 ''License to Ogle''? ''Vyza''? 123 00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:27,030 Oh, yes, of course. That's what I meant, ''Visa.'' It's these new dentures. 124 00:08:29,873 --> 00:08:33,934 Well, I think it's wonderful that your father has fallen in love with my mother. 125 00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:37,036 Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing-- damn opposed! 126 00:08:37,147 --> 00:08:39,342 He's damn opposed. Damn, damn, damn opposed. 127 00:08:39,449 --> 00:08:42,213 Bart! Homer, what possible reason could you have... 128 00:08:42,319 --> 00:08:44,344 against Grampa being in love? 129 00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:48,390 If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! 130 00:08:48,492 --> 00:08:50,960 And then our kids, they'll be horrible freaks... 131 00:08:51,061 --> 00:08:54,690 with pink skin, no overbites and five fingers on each hand! 132 00:08:58,168 --> 00:09:01,137 Hello, Mom? 133 00:09:01,238 --> 00:09:05,231 Fine. You know Abe had a very nice time with you last Sunday. 134 00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:08,209 - Tell her I love her! - Grampa, shh! I know my mother. 135 00:09:08,311 --> 00:09:10,905 If you come on too strong, she's going to get scared away. 136 00:09:11,014 --> 00:09:12,982 - I love ya. - What? 137 00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:15,051 Uh, I love ya, Mom. 138 00:09:15,152 --> 00:09:17,086 - I love ya. I love ya. - I love ya. I love ya. 139 00:09:17,187 --> 00:09:19,155 I love ya, Mom. Gotta go. 140 00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:25,718 Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson. 141 00:09:25,829 --> 00:09:27,797 That's me! 142 00:09:27,898 --> 00:09:31,425 Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra. 143 00:09:33,303 --> 00:09:35,396 I've got a special delivery for Homer Simpson. 144 00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:37,530 Uh, that's me. 145 00:09:37,641 --> 00:09:41,133 Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range. 146 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,948 Homer Simpson, I've got a, uh... 147 00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:48,017 special delivery for you. 148 00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:50,951 - Go away. - If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson... 149 00:09:51,054 --> 00:09:54,046 I cannot give you your... special delivery. 150 00:09:59,496 --> 00:10:01,896 Here's your special delivery. 151 00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:04,626 - Thanks. - That's for keepin' me waiting. 152 00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:08,834 Hey, Lise, guess who's got a genuine... 153 00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:10,907 Itchy & Scratchy animation cel? 154 00:10:11,007 --> 00:10:15,307 Oh! That is so cool! That is so exciting! That is so-- 155 00:10:15,412 --> 00:10:17,573 Crappy. 156 00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:19,945 It looks like part of Scratchy's arm. 157 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:23,952 Oh, no. I used Dad's credit card to buy this? 158 00:10:24,054 --> 00:10:27,717 - Yeesh! How much was it? - $350. 159 00:10:27,824 --> 00:10:30,224 - Ooh. - Ha-ha! 160 00:10:30,327 --> 00:10:32,318 - Ha, ha, ha. - Oh, my God. 161 00:10:32,429 --> 00:10:35,057 This boy is having an out-of-body experience. 162 00:10:35,165 --> 00:10:37,963 This is very... bad for business. 163 00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:40,059 Hot diggity! 164 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:43,697 I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple! 165 00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:50,246 I even bought me some special novelty dentures. 166 00:10:50,347 --> 00:10:54,408 - See? - Dad, that will never work. 167 00:10:54,518 --> 00:10:59,455 If you wanna make your move, you gotta play it cool. 168 00:10:59,556 --> 00:11:01,751 Now, what you gotta do... 169 00:11:01,858 --> 00:11:04,088 if you wanna get a kiss... 170 00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:08,631 is act real smooth and make your move like this. 171 00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:13,032 Oh, I see. 172 00:11:13,136 --> 00:11:15,502 So, if I take your advice... 173 00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:17,732 and make your patented move... 174 00:11:17,841 --> 00:11:22,278 then my chances for love will slightly improve. 175 00:11:26,483 --> 00:11:31,352 - Now what's that rule? - Play it cool. 176 00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:47,494 Is this cel worth anything? 177 00:11:47,604 --> 00:11:49,731 Let me show you something. 178 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:54,469 This-- This is a Snagglepuss drawn by Hic Heisler. It is worth something. 179 00:11:54,578 --> 00:11:58,537 This-- This is an arm drawn by nobody. It is worth nothing. 180 00:11:58,648 --> 00:12:00,707 Can't you give me anything for it? 181 00:12:00,817 --> 00:12:03,308 I can give you this telephone. It is shaped like Mary Worth. 182 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,615 No groaning in my store. 183 00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:10,949 (''Moonlight Serenade'') 184 00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:15,328 Oh, my favorite song. 185 00:12:15,432 --> 00:12:17,593 This is so nice. 186 00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:21,432 I can't remember when I felt this young. 187 00:12:21,538 --> 00:12:24,371 Oh! I really can't. 188 00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:29,000 - Oh. - Say, sport. 189 00:12:29,112 --> 00:12:32,479 - Mind if I have the next dance? - Wha-- D'oh! What the-- 190 00:12:32,582 --> 00:12:34,550 Don't sneak up on a-- Oh, you! 191 00:12:34,651 --> 00:12:36,846 No need for the blown gasket, Charlie. 192 00:12:36,953 --> 00:12:39,012 I'll have her back in one piece. 193 00:12:41,992 --> 00:12:44,017 Hey! 194 00:12:52,135 --> 00:12:55,502 That big ape thinks he can muscle in... 195 00:12:55,605 --> 00:12:57,573 on my girl, does he? 196 00:12:57,674 --> 00:13:00,905 I'll show him. I'm gonna give him the frowning of a lifetime. 197 00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:20,922 I swear, Monty. You are the devil himself. 198 00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,965 I-- Who told you? 199 00:13:23,066 --> 00:13:26,263 Oh, yes, yes, well. I'd say you were an angel, but... 200 00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:29,463 angels don't dance like that. 201 00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:31,870 Oh! 202 00:13:42,318 --> 00:13:46,118 Good night, Mrs. Bouvier... 203 00:13:46,222 --> 00:13:49,521 wherever you are. 204 00:13:56,266 --> 00:13:59,394 Mr. Simpson, I represent the estate ofJimmy Durante. 205 00:13:59,502 --> 00:14:01,470 I have a court order demanding an immediate halt... 206 00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:03,505 to this unauthorized imitation-- Boys! 207 00:14:06,743 --> 00:14:08,711 Well, would it be all right with you... 208 00:14:08,812 --> 00:14:11,508 if I just laid down in the street and died? 209 00:14:11,614 --> 00:14:14,674 Yes, that would be acceptable. 210 00:14:16,219 --> 00:14:19,017 Smithers, guess what happened to me last night? 211 00:14:19,122 --> 00:14:21,750 I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman? 212 00:14:21,858 --> 00:14:25,817 She said ''No'' to me. Do you know how many women have said ''No'' to me? 213 00:14:25,929 --> 00:14:29,160 1 30-- But only one since I've become a billionaire. 214 00:14:29,265 --> 00:14:32,359 And she's the one for me. I'm in love! 215 00:14:32,469 --> 00:14:34,664 - Whoop-dee-do, sir. - Yes, whoop-dee-do. 216 00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:37,331 Whoop-dee-do to the world! Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Florist. 217 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,772 Whoop-dee-do, Mr. Physical Trainer. Whoop-dee-do, Mr. President. 218 00:14:39,876 --> 00:14:41,844 I'm happy you've finally found love. 219 00:14:41,945 --> 00:14:44,175 Whoop-dee-do, Tarantula Town. 220 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,082 Whoop-dee-do, employees. Everyone who's found true love may leave early today. 221 00:14:46,082 --> 00:14:49,176 Whoop-dee-do, employees. Everyone who's found true love may leave early today. 222 00:14:49,285 --> 00:14:51,549 All right! 223 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:57,556 ''Memorandum to Mrs. Bouvier. Re: Delineation of Romantic Intentions.'' 224 00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,855 Too sappy. 225 00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:02,625 Smithers, come over here and help me write a mash note to my girlfriend. 226 00:15:02,732 --> 00:15:05,826 Fine. 227 00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:08,802 Darling one: Read my words and hear my heart... 228 00:15:08,905 --> 00:15:11,499 speak of a love, soft and undying. 229 00:15:11,608 --> 00:15:13,701 A love that will be with you always. 230 00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:15,778 Sincerely, Yada-yada-yada. 231 00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:18,245 That's marvelous. How did you think of that so fast? 232 00:15:18,348 --> 00:15:21,146 I... sent it to you on your birthday. 233 00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,219 Excuse me. I have something in my eye. 234 00:15:23,319 --> 00:15:25,378 Hmm. 235 00:15:25,488 --> 00:15:27,683 Mom's almost ready for her date. 236 00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:30,316 She sure seems taken by this new beau. 237 00:15:30,426 --> 00:15:32,690 I feel so bad for Grampa. 238 00:15:32,796 --> 00:15:36,527 Dad says this new guy is a repulsive, obnoxious old billionaire. 239 00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:38,658 So, let's all be extra nice to him. 240 00:15:41,604 --> 00:15:44,368 Hello. Why, it's-- It's, uh-- 241 00:15:44,474 --> 00:15:46,635 Oh, it's, uh-- 242 00:15:48,845 --> 00:15:51,075 Right. 243 00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:54,275 Why it's Fred Flintstone and his lovely wife, Wilma. 244 00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:56,443 Oh, and this must be little Pebbles. 245 00:15:56,553 --> 00:16:00,011 - Mind if I come in? I brought chocolates. - Yabba dabba do! 246 00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:03,490 He's an awful, awful, awful man. 247 00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:06,357 I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters. 248 00:16:06,462 --> 00:16:08,430 That's right, ''Money.'' 249 00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:11,557 Your ''money's'' happiness is all that ''moneys.'' 250 00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:14,466 Hmm. 251 00:16:14,571 --> 00:16:19,907 Hi. You know, Grandma really likes it when her boyfriends are nice to me. 252 00:16:20,009 --> 00:16:22,876 She especially likes it when they give me money. 253 00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:25,038 Run along, peewee. Baby gets nothing. 254 00:16:25,148 --> 00:16:29,414 Very well, you leave me no choice. This gun is filled with ketchup. 255 00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:32,647 This one with mustard. Now give me $3 50 bucks... 256 00:16:32,755 --> 00:16:34,950 or you're gonna be a mess for your date. 257 00:16:35,058 --> 00:16:37,185 You don't have the guts. 258 00:16:40,496 --> 00:16:45,024 Here. Take your money. Take it. 259 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:48,365 Now, the tables have turned, haven't they? 260 00:16:48,471 --> 00:16:50,598 Monty, I'm ready. 261 00:16:50,707 --> 00:16:54,837 - Hmm? - Ooh. 262 00:16:56,446 --> 00:17:00,883 - Oh, why'd she have to leave me? - Hi, Abe. 263 00:17:00,984 --> 00:17:03,452 We heard you was in need of some cheering up. 264 00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:07,489 So we got you a special cake. 265 00:17:08,858 --> 00:17:10,985 Uh-oh. Better call the nurse. 266 00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:13,426 " Bravissimo, Luigi. 267 00:17:13,529 --> 00:17:16,362 Bring us your finest bottle of vino. 268 00:17:16,466 --> 00:17:18,559 Hey, you trust Luigi. 269 00:17:18,668 --> 00:17:21,501 He knows what for to make-a really nice the amore. 270 00:17:21,604 --> 00:17:25,700 Monty, I've never been to a more romantic restaurant. 271 00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:28,072 Hey, Salvatore, break out the cheap hooch... 272 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:31,340 for Mr. No Tip and the dried-up zombie he's-a captured. 273 00:17:31,447 --> 00:17:35,781 Dad, I'm really sorry, but I charged $3 50 on your credit card. 274 00:17:35,885 --> 00:17:38,513 - What? - Don't worry. Here's the cash. 275 00:17:38,621 --> 00:17:41,181 Whoo-hoo! $3 50. 276 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:44,021 Now, I can buy 7 0 transcripts of Nightline. 277 00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,561 But, Dad-- 278 00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:48,631 Oh, well, he's happy. 279 00:17:48,731 --> 00:17:50,699 I'm gonna keep this Mary Worth phone right here. 280 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:55,703 Her stern, but sensible face will remind me never to do anything so stupid again. 281 00:17:55,805 --> 00:17:58,831 Hey, Bart. 282 00:17:58,942 --> 00:18:01,638 You wanna go play with that X-ray machine in the abandoned hospital? 283 00:18:01,744 --> 00:18:03,712 Sure. 284 00:18:06,149 --> 00:18:08,276 Now, my dear. If you look in your champagne... 285 00:18:08,384 --> 00:18:11,080 I think you'll find a little surprise. 286 00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:16,453 Not to worry. 287 00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:19,323 I believe there's another one around here somewhere. 288 00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:24,432 Oh! Yeah. My darling... 289 00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:26,934 since my kneecaps are filling with fluid as we speak... 290 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:29,061 I'll be brief-- Will you marry me? 291 00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:34,703 Oh! Mom, you can't marry Mr. Burns. He's an evil man. 292 00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:38,372 Evil, schmevil, Marge. Monty can provide for me. 293 00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:41,746 - Besides, he's a great kisser. - Ew! Yuck! 294 00:18:41,851 --> 00:18:44,251 Mm, what about Abe Simpson? 295 00:18:44,354 --> 00:18:46,447 Don't you have any feelings for him? 296 00:18:46,556 --> 00:18:49,719 Oh, he's a dear, but he's too much of an old fusspot. 297 00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:52,294 We're all aware of Grampa's problems... 298 00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:55,831 but compared to Mr. Burns, he's Judge freaking Reinhold. 299 00:18:57,066 --> 00:18:59,091 I don't know who that is. 300 00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:02,035 Oh! Who needs her? 301 00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:06,939 Now I'll have more time to read things I find on the ground. 302 00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:11,844 ''La-tex Con-dom.'' 303 00:19:11,948 --> 00:19:15,145 Boy, I'd like to live in one of those! 304 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:28,024 Hey, Barney, why don't you fill out the groom's side? 305 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:33,359 - Hey! Down in front! - Nein.! 306 00:19:36,806 --> 00:19:38,865 Where's Grampa? Wasn't he invited? 307 00:19:38,975 --> 00:19:41,102 Yeah, but his reply envelope... 308 00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:43,371 just had a check to the gas company in it. 309 00:19:56,592 --> 00:20:01,461 And, so, when Eliphaz came down from Mount Hebron bearing fgs... 310 00:20:01,564 --> 00:20:04,397 he offered them to Moham... 311 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:07,560 who you will remember is the father of Shecham... 312 00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:10,571 and to Hazar, on the occasion of their matrimony... 313 00:20:10,673 --> 00:20:12,732 much in the same-- 314 00:20:12,842 --> 00:20:15,276 We've heard enough about Bliz-blaz and Him-ham already. 315 00:20:15,378 --> 00:20:18,836 Get to the bloody point! 316 00:20:18,948 --> 00:20:22,247 Do you, Charles Montgomery Burns... 317 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:25,184 take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? 318 00:20:25,288 --> 00:20:27,415 - I do. - Oops. 319 00:20:27,523 --> 00:20:31,015 The ring, you little imbecile, before I really lose my temper. 320 00:20:33,796 --> 00:20:37,755 - Hmm? Hmm? - I know. I know. 321 00:20:39,035 --> 00:20:42,334 Ow, ow, ow! 322 00:20:42,438 --> 00:20:44,906 Do you,Jacqueline Bouvier... 323 00:20:45,007 --> 00:20:48,670 take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? 324 00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:51,246 "Oh, Monty! 325 00:20:51,347 --> 00:20:53,315 My favorite song. How did-- 326 00:20:53,416 --> 00:20:55,543 I specifically requested no romantic music! 327 00:20:55,651 --> 00:20:57,619 - Wha-- - Mrs. Bouvier! 328 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,850 Mrs. Bouvier! 329 00:21:01,958 --> 00:21:05,826 Mrs. Bouvier! 330 00:21:05,928 --> 00:21:09,489 Honey, are you sure you wanna be Mrs. Montgomery Burns? 331 00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:13,865 Wouldn't you rather be Mrs. Abraham J. Simpson? 332 00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,938 No. 333 00:21:17,673 --> 00:21:20,141 - I don't wanna be either. - Hot diggity damn! 334 00:21:20,243 --> 00:21:23,337 That's good enough for me! 335 00:21:40,163 --> 00:21:43,030 Hmm? Turn off that racket! 336 00:21:43,132 --> 00:21:45,327 Yeah, fat chance, pops. 337 00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:49,962 "Hello, Grampa, my old friend " 338 00:21:50,072 --> 00:21:54,133 " Your busy day is at an end " 339 00:21:55,511 --> 00:21:57,513 " Your exploits have been sad and boring " 340 00:21:57,513 --> 00:21:59,947 " Your exploits have been sad and boring " 341 00:22:00,049 --> 00:22:04,349 " They tell a tale that's worth ignoring " 342 00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:08,219 " When you're alone the words of your story " 343 00:22:08,324 --> 00:22:12,055 " Will echo down the rest home hall " 344 00:22:12,161 --> 00:22:15,562 " 'Cause no one at all " 345 00:22:15,665 --> 00:22:21,160 " Can stand the sound of Grampa " 346 00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:24,137 I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier... 347 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:29,268 because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. 348 00:22:29,378 --> 00:22:32,108 Oh, it was a fne machine... 349 00:22:32,215 --> 00:22:34,547 with a vulcanized rubber listening tube... 350 00:22:34,650 --> 00:22:37,312 which you crammed in your ear. 351 00:22:37,420 --> 00:22:40,617 The tube would go in easier with some sort oflubricant... 352 00:22:40,723 --> 00:22:43,556 like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's-- 353 00:22:43,659 --> 00:22:45,957 - Shh! - I'm sorry.