1
00:00:28,793 --> 00:00:30,308
Next item on the agenda,
2
00:00:30,309 --> 00:00:32,193
I'm afraid that
due to funding cuts,
3
00:00:32,194 --> 00:00:34,636
we've had to sell the
science department skeleton
4
00:00:34,637 --> 00:00:35,522
and replace it with
5
00:00:35,523 --> 00:00:37,082
this Halloween costume.
6
00:00:37,627 --> 00:00:38,627
Thank you, Willie.
7
00:00:38,628 --> 00:00:40,037
Now, please return it
8
00:00:40,038 --> 00:00:41,170
to its plastic snap case.
9
00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:42,671
Moving on--
10
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:44,114
our class trip to Italy
11
00:00:44,114 --> 00:00:46,426
is now spaghetti night
at Papa John's,
12
00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:48,650
and your $1,500 deposits
13
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,332
will not be refunded.
14
00:00:50,337 --> 00:00:52,255
Ooh, Papa John's!
15
00:00:52,259 --> 00:00:53,975
We will conclude by
passing around a sheet
16
00:00:53,991 --> 00:00:56,118
on which I would like
everyone's e-mail address.
17
00:01:02,322 --> 00:01:03,147
What's wrong?
18
00:01:03,152 --> 00:01:05,361
I can't fill out
that clipboard.
19
00:01:05,513 --> 00:01:07,353
I don't have e-mail.
20
00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:10,404
Oh, Marge, you got
to get on the Net.
21
00:01:10,412 --> 00:01:12,589
It's got all the best
conspiracy theories.
22
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,821
Did you know that Hezbollah
owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes?
23
00:01:15,839 --> 00:01:17,723
This stuff will
rock your world!
24
00:01:17,731 --> 00:01:21,448
Fine, I'll log onto
Wahoo or Yippy
25
00:01:21,455 --> 00:01:24,894
or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka,
whatever it's called.
26
00:01:24,897 --> 00:01:26,827
Can we move this
meeting along?
27
00:01:26,831 --> 00:01:28,115
I pay my taxes,
28
00:01:28,123 --> 00:01:30,391
I expect my orange drink!
29
00:01:34,858 --> 00:01:36,596
Ambrosia!
30
00:01:37,092 --> 00:01:38,040
And this Web site
31
00:01:38,042 --> 00:01:39,250
will tell you the weather.
32
00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:40,322
Sunny?
33
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,173
I never have to look out
34
00:01:43,179 --> 00:01:44,477
the window again.
35
00:01:44,481 --> 00:01:46,047
Let's go surfing now,
36
00:01:46,052 --> 00:01:47,670
everybody's learning how
37
00:01:47,686 --> 00:01:50,304
Come on and safari with me
38
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:53,026
Paper towels
for 69 cents.
39
00:01:53,032 --> 00:01:54,550
68 cents.
40
00:01:54,553 --> 00:01:56,191
66 cents!
41
00:01:56,197 --> 00:01:57,482
Kids, get in the car!
42
00:01:57,487 --> 00:01:59,786
We're going to Pennsylvania!
43
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:00,877
Ooh.
44
00:02:04,837 --> 00:02:08,684
629,000 results?!
45
00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:09,715
Wow.
46
00:02:09,721 --> 00:02:10,809
And all this time,
47
00:02:10,812 --> 00:02:13,530
I thought "Googling yourself"
meant the other thing.
48
00:02:14,369 --> 00:02:15,873
Your House From Space
49
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,370
It's our house!
50
00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:21,460
But what's that thing?
51
00:02:22,729 --> 00:02:24,072
Everyone can see you!
52
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,315
Get inside!
53
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:25,996
Never!
54
00:02:26,991 --> 00:02:28,780
Just put on a towel!
55
00:02:28,785 --> 00:02:30,732
Why don't I just
put on a dress?
56
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:34,955
Homer, you've met my parents.
57
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:36,940
Not naked, I haven't.
58
00:02:38,135 --> 00:02:39,831
That Internet has it all.
59
00:02:39,837 --> 00:02:41,366
Today, I found I had the same
60
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,197
birthday as Randy Quaid,
61
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,937
I MapQuested a great new
62
00:02:44,955 --> 00:02:46,290
route to the armory,
63
00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:48,104
and I got a list of local houses
64
00:02:48,109 --> 00:02:49,536
where I'm not letting you kids
65
00:02:49,541 --> 00:02:50,765
trick or treat anymore.
66
00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:52,038
I'm proud of you, Mom.
67
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,549
You're like
Christopher Columbus.
68
00:02:53,552 --> 00:02:55,521
You discovered something
millions of people
69
00:02:55,528 --> 00:02:56,941
knew about before you.
70
00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:04,061
I sent everyone I know an e-card
71
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:05,505
for St. Patrick's Day,
72
00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:07,735
but not one person
wrote me back.
73
00:03:07,942 --> 00:03:09,546
Hmm. Maybe if I hit "Refresh."
74
00:03:10,484 --> 00:03:11,461
Still nothing.
75
00:03:11,466 --> 00:03:13,333
But maybe now. Or now.
76
00:03:14,911 --> 00:03:16,285
The only thing that changes
77
00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:18,169
is the banner ad.
78
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,258
Ooh.
79
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,551
Earthland Realms?
80
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:31,955
Earthland Realms
is a multiplayer
81
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,787
online role-playing game.
82
00:03:33,793 --> 00:03:37,352
Do you agree to the following
terms and conditions?
83
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:41,818
"For amusement only.
84
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:45,220
Credit card information may
be sold to Korean gangsters."
85
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:46,902
Just click "Agree."
86
00:03:46,906 --> 00:03:49,527
Step one, create your character.
87
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:52,499
Let's see.
88
00:03:52,503 --> 00:03:55,443
What kind of goofy
goobly should I be?
89
00:03:55,447 --> 00:03:56,313
Whoa.
90
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,477
Look at those bazooms.
91
00:03:58,482 --> 00:04:00,100
Who designed this character?
92
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:01,408
Probably a man.
93
00:04:01,736 --> 00:04:04,072
Hmm! I can make her look any way I want.
94
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:05,055
Let's see.
95
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,646
Hair: blue.
96
00:04:06,733 --> 00:04:08,286
Shoes: sensible.
97
00:04:08,294 --> 00:04:10,369
Body type: Olive Oyl.
98
00:04:10,455 --> 00:04:11,854
Face: other.
99
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:13,413
That's better.
100
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,497
Now, let's role... play.
101
00:04:16,844 --> 00:04:19,771
Wow, it's like a renaissance fair,
102
00:04:19,777 --> 00:04:22,153
but without all the chubby couples.
103
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,029
This is really annoying.
104
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,583
You're telling me.
105
00:04:30,588 --> 00:04:32,137
Greetings, Cleric.
106
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:35,069
Will you undertake a quest on my behalf?
107
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,964
Eh, maybe I should run
this by my husband first.
108
00:04:37,968 --> 00:04:40,256
Things are more fun if
you just answer "yes."
109
00:04:40,261 --> 00:04:41,088
Then, yes.
110
00:04:41,092 --> 00:04:44,020
Hither me forth on mine arduous quest.
111
00:04:44,037 --> 00:04:45,564
Once again, just "yes."
112
00:04:45,568 --> 00:04:46,583
Yes.
113
00:04:46,589 --> 00:04:50,477
First,
you must find the Armandahl of Nuxinor.
114
00:04:51,706 --> 00:04:53,540
All I see is that rock.
115
00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:54,822
You have found it!
116
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:56,087
Oh!
117
00:04:57,062 --> 00:05:00,971
Okay, activate my level seven power stones.
118
00:05:02,727 --> 00:05:05,004
Wield the orb of oblivion.
119
00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:07,859
And zap!
120
00:05:11,749 --> 00:05:14,226
Hmm, needs more goat soul.
121
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,048
Mom?!
122
00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:18,093
What are you kids doing up so late?
123
00:05:18,098 --> 00:05:19,063
We just got up.
124
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,325
It's 7:00 a.m.
125
00:05:20,869 --> 00:05:23,046
I was on the computer all night!
126
00:05:23,102 --> 00:05:24,989
Actually, it's Saturday.
127
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:28,084
I played a day and a night.
128
00:05:29,289 --> 00:05:31,098
Bart, it's not Saturday.
129
00:05:31,103 --> 00:05:31,598
Shh.
130
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:38,938
I should get some sleep.
131
00:05:42,244 --> 00:05:44,613
I better check on my elf-self.
132
00:05:49,354 --> 00:05:50,691
Thank you.
Come again.
133
00:05:50,697 --> 00:05:51,892
Apu?
134
00:05:51,898 --> 00:05:52,971
Mrs. Homer.
135
00:05:52,976 --> 00:05:54,936
How nice to see you in the Realms.
136
00:05:54,941 --> 00:05:56,636
How did you get in my game?
137
00:05:56,653 --> 00:05:57,678
Are you a virus?
138
00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:58,340
Oh, no.
139
00:05:58,345 --> 00:05:59,872
I, too, am online playing.
140
00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:01,194
That cobra king over there
141
00:06:01,197 --> 00:06:02,533
is actually Snake.
142
00:06:02,617 --> 00:06:06,009
The prison guards think I'm getting
my online law degree.
143
00:06:06,098 --> 00:06:07,066
Ha, ha!
144
00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:09,743
And that beguiling
enchantress is Mrs. Krabappel.
145
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,254
This game is a great
way to meet eligible men
146
00:06:12,262 --> 00:06:13,606
who can afford a computer.
147
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:17,300
Or have access to one
at the school library.
148
00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:21,686
It's amazing how you can
be a turkey in every reality.
149
00:06:21,694 --> 00:06:23,690
What's important is we're talking.
150
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:25,784
I'm Moe.
151
00:06:25,789 --> 00:06:27,736
I'm playing this while I'm on the can.
152
00:06:27,739 --> 00:06:29,486
Wow, Moe!
153
00:06:29,492 --> 00:06:30,738
You're a troll.
154
00:06:30,744 --> 00:06:31,619
What?
No.
155
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:33,910
My character's supposed to look like me.
156
00:06:33,916 --> 00:06:36,094
Why does everyone
keep thinking I'm a troll?!
157
00:06:50,756 --> 00:06:52,404
Who are we hiding from?
158
00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:53,425
The Shadow Knight.
159
00:06:53,432 --> 00:06:56,448
Where he rides, death is sure to follow.
160
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:57,561
The Shadow Knight?
161
00:06:57,564 --> 00:07:00,133
He's the most evil, destructive
player in this game.
162
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,575
He once beat me to
death with my own life bar.
163
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:05,380
Mmm...
164
00:07:05,984 --> 00:07:06,472
mmm.
165
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,858
Who dares battle with the Shadow Knight?
166
00:07:14,424 --> 00:07:15,381
Oh...
167
00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:20,976
He was a good man.
168
00:07:23,047 --> 00:07:24,702
A good, moist man.
169
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,164
Eww.
170
00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:27,856
I can't watch this.
171
00:07:32,225 --> 00:07:34,723
Another senseless killing by...
172
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,627
the Shadow Knight!
173
00:07:36,632 --> 00:07:37,556
Hmm?
174
00:07:40,847 --> 00:07:43,424
My son is an evil knight!
175
00:07:44,432 --> 00:07:48,379
The most successful evil knight
in all the Earthland Realms!
176
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,271
Not bad.
177
00:07:52,829 --> 00:07:55,459
Ay caramba, what a day!
178
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:57,883
Brave Sir Knight?
179
00:07:57,888 --> 00:07:59,133
What is it, Lady Milhouse?
180
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:00,323
I'm not a lady,
181
00:08:00,328 --> 00:08:03,360
it's a spell,
a spell you said you'd reverse.
182
00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:04,832
Yeah, yeah, it's on my list.
183
00:08:04,837 --> 00:08:06,872
Anyway, someone's here to see you.
184
00:08:06,878 --> 00:08:07,685
Hi, Bart!
185
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:08,937
It's your mom!
186
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:10,959
I'm in your video game with you!
187
00:08:10,961 --> 00:08:11,550
What?
188
00:08:13,294 --> 00:08:14,721
Why Milhouse,
189
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:16,215
don't you look pretty!
190
00:08:16,218 --> 00:08:17,757
It's a spell!
191
00:08:17,812 --> 00:08:19,259
And thank you.
192
00:08:20,613 --> 00:08:22,790
Mom, what are you doing in my game?!
193
00:08:22,797 --> 00:08:23,624
How would you like it
194
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,533
if I suddenly started
going shopping with you?
195
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,165
I'd like that very much.
196
00:08:29,365 --> 00:08:31,912
Uh, wh-what can I get ya,
Mr. Shadow Knight, sir?
197
00:08:31,919 --> 00:08:33,256
A grog? Grog light?
198
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:34,746
Uh, diet grog with lemon?
199
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:37,789
Just wring the blood from this pixie head.
200
00:08:37,814 --> 00:08:38,351
Yes, sir.
201
00:08:39,038 --> 00:08:40,483
Hi, everybody!
202
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,195
How do you play this game?
203
00:08:42,199 --> 00:08:42,745
Ow!
204
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,126
Haaaaaaa....
205
00:08:44,134 --> 00:08:45,721
Oooohh!!
206
00:08:47,648 --> 00:08:50,096
Now flog yourself with this mace
207
00:08:50,099 --> 00:08:53,019
while reciting the Goblin's Code!
208
00:08:53,024 --> 00:08:54,199
Goblin's Code, yes, sir!
209
00:08:54,203 --> 00:08:56,480
All goblins must be free of visible worms.
210
00:08:56,486 --> 00:08:57,044
Oooh!
211
00:08:57,046 --> 00:08:58,255
In the presence of a lady,
212
00:08:58,259 --> 00:09:00,658
a goblin must remove his hat and ears.
213
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,535
Bart, are you drinking?
214
00:09:08,099 --> 00:09:09,309
Mom!
215
00:09:10,422 --> 00:09:12,893
You're making me look bad
in front of my minions!
216
00:09:12,898 --> 00:09:15,163
If they think less of you because of me,
217
00:09:15,169 --> 00:09:17,127
then they're not really your minions.
218
00:09:17,734 --> 00:09:19,109
I'm going off to explore
219
00:09:19,113 --> 00:09:20,429
the Crevices of Lagrimmar.
220
00:09:20,535 --> 00:09:22,131
Great, I'll come with you.
221
00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,295
Shouldn't you bundle up?
222
00:09:23,401 --> 00:09:25,297
Here, let me enchant your pants.
223
00:09:27,252 --> 00:09:28,108
Hey, Lisa,
224
00:09:28,114 --> 00:09:29,763
self-conscious about your shins?
225
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:32,295
In my day,
girls were worried about their boobs.
226
00:09:32,298 --> 00:09:34,537
Dad, I'm going to play soccer.
227
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,863
I fell in love with the game
228
00:09:37,866 --> 00:09:39,715
when I saw Bend It Like Beckham.
229
00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:43,629
Father, I am proud
of my cultural heritage,
230
00:09:43,795 --> 00:09:45,300
but I also love soccer!
231
00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,472
You tell him, Jesminder!
232
00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:50,396
I forbid you to bend
it like Beckham.
233
00:09:50,672 --> 00:09:52,750
Plus, you must marry
this complete stranger.
234
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,152
His father is an important
business acquaintance of mine.
235
00:09:55,338 --> 00:09:56,473
Love counts for nothing!
236
00:09:56,599 --> 00:09:58,096
You tell her, Mr. Dhanabhai!
237
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,497
Business contacts are more
important than love!
238
00:10:02,466 --> 00:10:04,004
Wait, that's soccer?
239
00:10:04,178 --> 00:10:06,086
I always called it "human Foosball."
240
00:10:06,201 --> 00:10:07,857
Would you like me to
take you to your game?
241
00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:09,459
You already promised you would.
242
00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:10,981
Aw, do I have to?
243
00:10:14,310 --> 00:10:15,495
Okay, Morty, I'll tell them.
244
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,656
Sorry, ladies.
245
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:19,329
We got no referee,
so the game's been canceled.
246
00:10:21,189 --> 00:10:24,005
I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're very disappointed.
247
00:10:25,642 --> 00:10:27,521
- What happened to the ref?
- He quit!
248
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,432
Being a ref is a thankless job...
249
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:30,665
the parents hate ya...
250
00:10:30,828 --> 00:10:33,447
the only upside is the kids
share their snack with you.
251
00:10:33,955 --> 00:10:35,389
Did someone say "snack"?
252
00:10:37,778 --> 00:10:38,884
I'll be your ref!
253
00:10:40,762 --> 00:10:42,278
Dad, where'd you get that outfit?
254
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:43,728
I got fired from Foot Locker.
255
00:10:44,305 --> 00:10:47,186
Kicks just keep getting
harder to find...
256
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:49,228
What's the matter, buddy?
257
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:51,160
The American flag not
good enough for ya?
258
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:53,652
That was my father.
259
00:10:53,868 --> 00:10:55,154
I'm your father now.
260
00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:56,487
I'm open!
I'm open!
261
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:59,759
No, but not with kicks
262
00:11:01,315 --> 00:11:03,624
You just need help, girl...
263
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,233
So... tired.
264
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:16,480
Could someone bring me
another barf cone?
265
00:11:17,086 --> 00:11:19,793
So... I thought it went real well.
266
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:21,997
Until I swallowed the whistle.
267
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:23,658
You don't even know the rules!
268
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:27,031
This could be my new thing,
and you're turning it into a joke!
269
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,884
- Hilarious joke?
- Sadly, no.
270
00:11:30,101 --> 00:11:32,567
I'm disappointed with the way
you acted today...
271
00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,319
but I'm not surprised.
272
00:11:47,439 --> 00:11:49,016
Oh, let's see.
273
00:11:49,144 --> 00:11:51,870
Should I take the Trail of
Death, or the Path of Doom?
274
00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:53,474
Maybe I should just go back.
275
00:11:57,031 --> 00:11:59,061
Is this Wall Street Journal online?
276
00:12:02,919 --> 00:12:04,015
Well, well,
277
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,138
looks like something's finally
about to happen in this game.
278
00:12:07,224 --> 00:12:08,070
Just in time.
279
00:12:08,167 --> 00:12:10,094
I was about to go to
the Pottery Barn site
280
00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:11,525
to get design ideas.
281
00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:16,080
It's the Shadow Knight!
282
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,881
- Run!
- I forget how to do that.
283
00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:19,003
Control-shift-R...
284
00:12:22,012 --> 00:12:23,258
Thank you, Bart.
285
00:12:23,384 --> 00:12:25,563
This frame grab's going
on my coffee cup.
286
00:12:26,819 --> 00:12:28,436
You guys wanna meet
at the Kwik-E-Mart?
287
00:12:28,518 --> 00:12:29,716
I'm in the tub right now.
288
00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:31,098
I'm in Denmark!
289
00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,403
Hand ball!
Direct kick!
290
00:12:38,231 --> 00:12:39,757
Dad, I'm impressed!
291
00:12:39,854 --> 00:12:41,831
You've become
a much better referee.
292
00:12:42,007 --> 00:12:42,803
Thanks, honey.
293
00:12:42,987 --> 00:12:47,016
After what you said to me,
I watched hours and hours of soccer.
294
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,407
I almost saw a goal!
295
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:51,771
But there were so many ads
for Spanish cell phones.
296
00:12:55,534 --> 00:12:56,529
Do it, sweetie!
297
00:12:56,653 --> 00:12:58,232
Save our troubled marriage!
298
00:13:05,815 --> 00:13:06,960
Foul on 23!
299
00:13:07,066 --> 00:13:07,860
That's crazy.
300
00:13:07,969 --> 00:13:10,476
Your daughter just tripped
on her own clumsy feet!
301
00:13:10,691 --> 00:13:12,276
Come on, Lisa.
Admit it!
302
00:13:13,823 --> 00:13:16,992
I'm a spectator addressing
a player-- answer me!
303
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,837
I said foul on 23!
304
00:13:24,197 --> 00:13:26,943
You are so blind,
even Jesus couldn't heal you!
305
00:13:27,130 --> 00:13:29,888
Helen, please.
Don't drop the J bomb.
306
00:13:29,995 --> 00:13:32,241
Well, I'm throwing you
both out of the game!
307
00:13:42,448 --> 00:13:43,706
She tripped me.
308
00:13:48,626 --> 00:13:49,811
Foul on the other girl.
309
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,213
Lisa gets a penalty kick,
310
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:53,205
and every other
kid has to pay her a dollar.
311
00:13:53,462 --> 00:13:54,897
That is an outrage!
312
00:13:54,973 --> 00:13:56,571
Your daughter's been
floppin' all day!
313
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,724
She has not.
Your daughter's dirty player.
314
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:02,288
Sir, I have sired a dum-dum,
a mush-head,
315
00:14:02,404 --> 00:14:04,171
a what's-it, a dog boy,
316
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,053
and somethin' with a
human face and fish body,
317
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:10,958
what we called Kevin,
but my young'uns is not dirty players.
318
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,330
I don't need a soccer lecture
from a hillbilly.
319
00:14:13,495 --> 00:14:15,935
That's hill-William to you, sir.
320
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:18,906
How about a lecture from me,
Ronaldo?
321
00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:20,780
Ronaldo?!
322
00:14:21,003 --> 00:14:25,163
Winner of two World Cups and three FIFA
Player of the Year awards?
323
00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:26,926
Yes, I what you said.
324
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:30,141
Now I travel the world
exposiloppers,
325
00:14:30,325 --> 00:14:32,102
and your daughter is a flopper.
326
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:34,717
Now, Ronaldo away!
327
00:14:36,181 --> 00:14:37,389
You heard Geraldo.
328
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:38,662
What's it gonna be?
329
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,054
Yellow card!
330
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:45,867
You can't give me a yellow card.
331
00:14:46,035 --> 00:14:47,301
You're my father.
332
00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:49,935
When I put on these
shorts, I'm not your father anymore,
333
00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:51,446
and judging by how tight they are,
334
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:53,318
I'm never going to be
anyone else's, either.
335
00:14:54,182 --> 00:14:56,922
This is what I think
of your yellow card!
336
00:14:57,757 --> 00:14:59,764
Unsportsmanlike like conduct.
337
00:14:59,981 --> 00:15:01,057
That's a red card.
338
00:15:01,243 --> 00:15:02,998
- You're out of the game!
- But... but...
339
00:15:03,244 --> 00:15:04,249
Oh!
340
00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:07,635
Another family broken
up by Ronaldo.
341
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,096
Yes!
342
00:15:10,251 --> 00:15:11,441
What a fun quest!
343
00:15:11,615 --> 00:15:14,083
Aren't you glad I made you
take that nap in the middle?
344
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,145
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
345
00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:17,308
Let me just put this holy
grail in my trophy room.
346
00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:20,971
Whoa!
Where's Al stuff?!
347
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,692
I thought all the swords
348
00:15:22,908 --> 00:15:26,185
and severed heads were kind
of gory, so I redecorated
349
00:15:26,272 --> 00:15:28,470
using the Hello Kitty
expansion pack.
350
00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:30,071
No!
351
00:15:36,105 --> 00:15:36,898
Mom?
352
00:15:37,574 --> 00:15:38,472
Mom?!
353
00:15:38,997 --> 00:15:41,985
I was killed by my own son.
354
00:15:43,864 --> 00:15:45,662
How could you kill
your own mother?
355
00:15:45,797 --> 00:15:46,843
It was just a game.
356
00:15:47,088 --> 00:15:50,096
A game I used to enjoy
before you mommed all over it.
357
00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:51,529
Lisa, sweetie,
358
00:15:51,682 --> 00:15:53,480
- I was just following the rules.
- Great.
359
00:15:53,654 --> 00:15:55,592
The one time you actually
do something right,
360
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,446
you ruin my life.
361
00:15:59,883 --> 00:16:01,649
I think I'll go to bed.
362
00:16:01,824 --> 00:16:05,073
- It's 5:00 in the afternoon.
- Who cares? I'm dead.
363
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,886
Jumping [something]!
364
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,099
Those dames are cheesed.
365
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:11,940
Son, I'll never understand
women if I live to be 40.
366
00:16:12,185 --> 00:16:15,164
- Big if.
- Enjoy me while I last.
367
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,221
Want to go slam a few beers?
368
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,915
- If you watch me?
- You know it.
369
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,922
What's the matter,
Homer and Bart?
370
00:16:28,097 --> 00:16:30,512
Lisa's mad at me,
and Marge is am.
371
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:32,507
Well, I'm just the bartender here,
372
00:16:32,672 --> 00:16:34,628
but it seems to me, you
could win Lisa back
373
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:36,280
by appealing to her sense of reason,
374
00:16:36,566 --> 00:16:37,572
and you could win your Mom back
375
00:16:37,676 --> 00:16:39,346
by appealing to her feelings.
376
00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:41,726
He, Moe, you give good advice.
377
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:44,201
Yeah. What have you done
of the real Moe?
378
00:16:53,415 --> 00:16:56,063
Lisa honey,
I brought you something
379
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,166
- a DVD!
- Not interested.
380
00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:00,921
A documentary.
381
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:02,480
By the BBC.
382
00:17:02,797 --> 00:17:05,195
In cooperation with Canal+.
383
00:17:05,871 --> 00:17:06,748
Give me! Give me!
384
00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:12,412
Brighton, England, 1985.
385
00:17:12,688 --> 00:17:15,386
Manchester United plays
Sussexton-Hamptonshire-Unleath
386
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:17,792
when a deadly riot breaks
out in the stands.
387
00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:20,223
Oi, your boy's a flopper he is.
388
00:17:20,398 --> 00:17:21,754
No he isn't! He isn't!
389
00:17:21,952 --> 00:17:23,499
Your mother can kiss me bum.
390
00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:38,543
22 years later,
391
00:17:38,819 --> 00:17:40,238
this riot is still going on.
392
00:17:45,158 --> 00:17:46,183
Last year in Brazil,
393
00:17:46,351 --> 00:17:48,296
an on-field scuffle
turned so violent,
394
00:17:48,531 --> 00:17:51,088
locals say a statue of
the Virgin Mary came alive...
395
00:17:52,298 --> 00:17:53,815
and beat the holy snot out
396
00:17:53,908 --> 00:17:54,734
of everyone.
397
00:18:15,374 --> 00:18:17,009
Mom, I'm going to give you life
398
00:18:17,166 --> 00:18:18,902
the way I imagine you gave me life--
399
00:18:19,078 --> 00:18:20,856
by pressing alt-F-5 repeatedly.
400
00:18:32,735 --> 00:18:35,451
Bart, you brought me back to life!
401
00:18:36,761 --> 00:18:38,006
As best you could.
402
00:18:49,244 --> 00:18:50,951
Sweetie, are you
here to forgive me?
403
00:18:51,736 --> 00:18:52,503
No.
404
00:18:53,409 --> 00:18:56,809
Oh! But to get that DVD,
I had to become a PBS subscriber.
405
00:18:57,074 --> 00:19:00,644
Now I'm paying for crap
like American Masters.
406
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:05,540
Dad, I can't forgive you,
because there's nothing to forgive.
407
00:19:05,736 --> 00:19:08,312
You were right
to kick me out of that game.
408
00:19:08,517 --> 00:19:10,473
Soccer was making me insane,
409
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:13,739
just as it did the continents
of Europe and South America.
410
00:19:13,942 --> 00:19:15,893
Those places are pretty terrible.
411
00:19:16,148 --> 00:19:17,885
So from now on,
I'll play soccer
412
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,778
for the same reason
I study chemistry-- for fun.
413
00:19:22,486 --> 00:19:23,672
Do you want to play a little?
414
00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:25,282
I sure do.
415
00:19:26,577 --> 00:19:29,249
Wait till I tell the other moms
you gave two-thirds
416
00:19:29,404 --> 00:19:31,489
of your life force to save me.
417
00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,081
What a good boy.
418
00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:36,004
This way.
419
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,398
Slay him and take
his experience points!
420
00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:40,702
Wait. Stop!
421
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:44,976
If you kill me, I'll egg
your houses in real life!
422
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,487
It's still worth it.
423
00:19:47,674 --> 00:19:48,691
I live in a loft!
424
00:19:50,326 --> 00:19:52,014
My jewels!
425
00:19:55,683 --> 00:19:57,519
All right!
I got his flame sword!
426
00:20:02,611 --> 00:20:04,027
Aw, come on.
427
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:10,735
The Shadow Knights
hall rule no more
428
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:13,430
We've spilt his blood
upon the floor
429
00:20:14,335 --> 00:20:16,715
With a hi and a ho
and a trolly lolly lay
430
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:21,181
It's the jolly merry month of May!
431
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,425
Don't worry, honey.
432
00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:28,937
I'll hunt down our friends
who murdered you...
433
00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:30,770
one by one.
434
00:20:31,937 --> 00:20:33,774
Whatever.
I'm gonna go play outside.
435
00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:42,914
Look what I can do!
436
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:48,973
I have taught you well.
437
00:20:49,627 --> 00:20:50,706
Too well.
438
00:20:52,632 --> 00:20:54,298
Mom, are you sure you
don't want to play?
439
00:20:54,494 --> 00:20:56,002
No, no. I'm fine.
440
00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:02,347
Why am I paying $14.95
a month for this?