1 00:00:16,251 --> 00:00:20,310 we are not all naked under our clothes 2 00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:22,340 Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? 3 00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:25,024 There's a mannequin there I have a crush on. 4 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:28,708 Milhouse, that is the most pathetic thing I ever... 5 00:01:29,731 --> 00:01:32,663 Oh, my God. She's beautiful. 6 00:01:33,567 --> 00:01:34,631 Bullies! 7 00:01:36,839 --> 00:01:37,340 Wait. 8 00:01:37,601 --> 00:01:38,699 They're employees. 9 00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,409 They have to be nice to us. Let's go. 10 00:01:43,878 --> 00:01:45,734 Oh, shoe-boy? 11 00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:49,538 I'm looking for something in a cross-trainer. 12 00:01:49,623 --> 00:01:51,893 What size do I smell like? 13 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:54,156 You're dead, Simpson. 14 00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:56,458 Dude, don't lose it in the workplace. 15 00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:59,012 We're already on thin ice with Mr. Friedman. 16 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:03,871 The shoe size calibrator is for measuring feet and nothing else. 17 00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:04,892 Yes, Mr. Friedman. 18 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,204 I'm sorry, Mr. Friedman. 19 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,808 That tie really brings out your eyes, Mr. Friedman. 20 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,260 You're lacing it wrong. 21 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,476 I want it overy-undery, not undery-overy. 22 00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,699 Re-lace them all. 23 00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:17,090 No. 24 00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:22,720 Attention part-time sales representatives. 25 00:02:23,515 --> 00:02:26,396 I'm leaving this job to work at Jolly Tamale 26 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,458 because the hours are better and my mom's really sick. 27 00:02:29,564 --> 00:02:31,241 When you leave what happens to your rule 28 00:02:31,345 --> 00:02:33,035 about not whaling on customers? 29 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,488 That rule leaves with me. 30 00:02:46,621 --> 00:02:48,498 Idle teens at 1:00. 31 00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:50,791 Intercepting in three, two. 32 00:02:51,246 --> 00:02:52,204 'Sup, guys? 33 00:02:52,216 --> 00:02:53,956 Heard the new rap CD? 34 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,658 Yo, I don't know what I dig more, 35 00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:58,262 hip-hop, krunk, or serving my country. 36 00:02:58,317 --> 00:03:00,105 Are you guys hitting on us? 37 00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:01,325 No, man, we just want 38 00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:03,529 to talk to you about something near and dear to us. 39 00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:04,709 What? Being gay? 40 00:03:04,837 --> 00:03:06,462 Close. The Army. 41 00:03:06,559 --> 00:03:08,357 Because of exciting current events, 42 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,677 the Army needs new members. 43 00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:11,529 New members who want to earn money for college, 44 00:03:11,596 --> 00:03:14,315 and see a part of the world that tourists never go to. 45 00:03:14,322 --> 00:03:16,879 Doesn't the Army have to fight in wars? 46 00:03:17,746 --> 00:03:19,975 Not wars, global struggles. 47 00:03:19,977 --> 00:03:21,394 You guys like globes? 48 00:03:21,419 --> 00:03:22,899 Let's go, dudes. 49 00:03:25,947 --> 00:03:26,772 Damn it. 50 00:03:26,777 --> 00:03:28,806 Even the dumbest teenagers in the dumbest town 51 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,997 in the dumbest state know better than to join the Army. 52 00:03:31,047 --> 00:03:33,162 Well, we'll just have to go younger. 53 00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,560 What's this assembly for? 54 00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:39,694 A surprise Doodlebops concert? 55 00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:42,597 Standardized tests, standardized tests, standardized tests. 56 00:03:42,994 --> 00:03:45,491 How many of you like video games? 57 00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:49,799 Well, what if there was a violent video game 58 00:03:49,852 --> 00:03:53,983 that you could play for free, plus it's real life and not a game at all? 59 00:03:53,998 --> 00:03:55,497 Wouldn't that be slammin'? 60 00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,247 Who are these wonderful people? 61 00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:58,580 Now we brought along a movie. 62 00:03:58,607 --> 00:04:02,016 Do you guys know where we can find some awesome kids to show it to? 63 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,427 Dearborn, Michigan? 64 00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:04,549 No, here. 65 00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:05,430 You got it. 66 00:04:18,445 --> 00:04:21,003 I'm imagining that knight is me! 67 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,657 Ooh. 68 00:04:58,615 --> 00:04:59,572 The Army 69 00:04:59,627 --> 00:05:01,293 It's everything you like. 70 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,644 Ah. 71 00:05:03,231 --> 00:05:06,021 Now you can't legally join the army until you're 18, 72 00:05:06,035 --> 00:05:09,217 but if you pre-enlist now, we will save you a spot 73 00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:11,999 in America's next unresolvable conflict. 74 00:05:19,745 --> 00:05:22,597 Listen to those half-pencils scribble. 75 00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:24,470 Thanks for fitting us in, Sergeant Skinner. 76 00:05:24,503 --> 00:05:26,682 Well, I'd do anything for my beloved Army. 77 00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:28,475 Well, how about re-enlisting? 78 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,487 How about you bite me? 79 00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,040 Great news, Ma. 80 00:05:32,044 --> 00:05:34,261 I agreed to join the army when I turn 18. 81 00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,837 What? Homer! 82 00:05:37,954 --> 00:05:39,652 Our son joined the Army. 83 00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:42,766 Eh, big deal, by the time Bart's 18, 84 00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,567 we're going to control the world. 85 00:05:44,985 --> 00:05:45,891 We're China, right? 86 00:05:46,337 --> 00:05:47,852 Now listen, Bub. 87 00:05:47,859 --> 00:05:49,574 You go down to those recruiters 88 00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,248 and tell them Bart is too young for the Army. 89 00:05:52,315 --> 00:05:55,595 I don't want this to Bethe only memory I have of him. 90 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,520 How come I can't join the army, but Lisa gets to be in PETA? 91 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,224 I think she just answers their phone. 92 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,086 Hey. 93 00:06:04,121 --> 00:06:04,788 Uh... 94 00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,621 Fur is murder! 95 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:09,704 When's the Krusty movie coming out? 96 00:06:09,762 --> 00:06:11,306 Whoa. Uh, hey. 97 00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:12,361 No, you can't. 98 00:06:12,454 --> 00:06:14,070 Uh, this one's ruined. 99 00:06:14,077 --> 00:06:15,222 Give me the backup. 100 00:06:18,353 --> 00:06:19,639 Now the babies. 101 00:06:23,442 --> 00:06:25,527 And the monkey head mittens. 102 00:06:27,288 --> 00:06:30,147 Yeah, I'm a real class act. 103 00:06:34,586 --> 00:06:37,575 Okay, Mr. Simpson, we'll tear up your son's contract. 104 00:06:37,804 --> 00:06:38,880 Sorry, guys. 105 00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,612 You know, his mother's the one who made me come down here. 106 00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:46,999 Sounds, uh, like you're kind of tired of being bossed around at home. 107 00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:48,036 Go on. 108 00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,760 Would you be interested in, um... 109 00:06:49,864 --> 00:06:52,184 well, I don't know, joining the army? 110 00:06:52,386 --> 00:06:55,612 Wouldn't that take me away from my family for two whole years? 111 00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:59,431 Hey, a big target like you will be home a lot sooner than that. 112 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,990 Woo-hoo! Where do I sign? 113 00:07:02,528 --> 00:07:04,068 Now where's my parade? 114 00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:06,960 Where's my parade? 115 00:07:07,815 --> 00:07:10,325 We have this issue of Parade Magazine. 116 00:07:12,094 --> 00:07:14,512 Ooh, "Who makes what in America." 117 00:07:14,887 --> 00:07:18,105 Army private: $14,000 a year. D'oh! 118 00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,429 Homer, with all the things you've done... 119 00:07:25,461 --> 00:07:29,184 go into space, attend clown college, join the Navy... 120 00:07:29,189 --> 00:07:31,859 I never thought you'd join the Army. 121 00:07:32,674 --> 00:07:36,003 Whoa, even the Army has Humvees now. 122 00:07:39,453 --> 00:07:41,772 Homie, don't do this. 123 00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:44,907 You have a wife and three young children at home. 124 00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,140 I have to, Marge. 125 00:07:46,374 --> 00:07:49,415 Who else is gonna keep oil under a hundred dollars a barrel? 126 00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:51,586 You? Don't make me laugh. 127 00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:55,511 You couldn't... 128 00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:57,555 Aw, oh, oh, don't, no. 129 00:07:57,569 --> 00:07:59,327 Daddy's just teasing. 130 00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,558 Of course you could. 131 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,542 You could keep it under a hundred. 132 00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:03,906 Yes, you could. 133 00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:05,738 No, she couldn't. 134 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,740 Fort Clinton (Not That Clinton) 135 00:08:14,514 --> 00:08:15,631 Attention! 136 00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:18,618 Ordinarily, I would spend the next two hours 137 00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:22,212 questioning your sexuality, running down your hometowns, 138 00:08:22,215 --> 00:08:24,955 and telling you to drop and give me various numbers. 139 00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,278 Are you gonna ask us our major malfunctions? 140 00:08:27,286 --> 00:08:29,262 'Cause mine is I care too much. 141 00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:33,868 Unfortunately, the demand for troops has never been higher, 142 00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:35,782 so we've got to speed things up. 143 00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:38,295 While you've been standing here, your hair's been cut, 144 00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:41,162 and your clothes have been replaced with army fatigues. 145 00:08:49,359 --> 00:08:51,857 Here's your nicknames: Brooklyn, Hollywood, 146 00:08:51,859 --> 00:08:54,091 Kissimmee-St. Cloud, Florida, Maveri, 147 00:08:54,096 --> 00:08:56,943 Blanket Hog, Newman's Own, Master of Suspense, 148 00:08:56,947 --> 00:08:59,195 England's Rose, Nickname Pending, 149 00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,772 Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Snowflake. 150 00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:02,710 Snowflake? 151 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,714 What happens to me in the summer? 152 00:09:04,719 --> 00:09:06,127 A troublemaker, huh?! 153 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:08,078 You're gonna sit here and eat donuts, 154 00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:10,555 while the rest of the unit does push-ups! 155 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,385 I don't understand. 156 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,929 How does punishing them teach me a lesson? 157 00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,894 Just for that, they'll do the push-ups one-handed, 158 00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:27,809 while you eat Alaskan King salmon and I give you a foot rub! 159 00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:30,122 I like rubbing people's feet 160 00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:32,075 Corns and bunions are a treat 161 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,017 I can give massage real well 162 00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:36,083 If you know why, don't ask, don't tell. 163 00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:41,077 Congratulations, you have all completed basic training. 164 00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:43,711 Our base commander will now give you your assignments. 165 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,154 Okay, listen up! 166 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,507 Man, you've got an awesome voice! 167 00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:48,682 Well, thank you. 168 00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:50,392 Can you say,"Side effects may include 169 00:09:50,396 --> 00:09:51,904 drowsiness and loss of appetite"? 170 00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:55,009 Side effects may include drowsiness and loss of appetite. 171 00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:56,873 Hmm, sounded better in my head. 172 00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:59,137 Now, we've graded your aptitude tests 173 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:02,821 and assigned you specialties to match your skills. 174 00:10:02,837 --> 00:10:03,813 Frontline infantry. 175 00:10:03,877 --> 00:10:05,765 Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry. 176 00:10:05,782 --> 00:10:06,736 Frontline infantry. 177 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,910 I joined to make recruitment films. 178 00:10:08,935 --> 00:10:11,543 Well, you know where you're gonna get good footage, don't you? 179 00:10:11,558 --> 00:10:12,574 Ooh, tell me. 180 00:10:12,632 --> 00:10:14,217 Frontline infantry! 181 00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,327 Everyone got an assignment but us. 182 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:22,281 I wonder what makes us so special. 183 00:10:27,491 --> 00:10:29,022 Gentlemen, I'll be frank. 184 00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:32,084 Never before has the Army accepted recruits 185 00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,299 with test scores as low as yours. 186 00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:37,483 That's an odd way to start handing out medals. 187 00:10:37,489 --> 00:10:39,714 I'm not handing out medals! 188 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,361 But I am gonna give you a special assignment. 189 00:10:42,363 --> 00:10:44,224 The Army is conducting war games, 190 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,286 and we want you to play the enemy. 191 00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:48,639 Don't you get it? 192 00:10:48,643 --> 00:10:52,815 They're using us as patsies to make the Army look good. 193 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,427 Are we that stupid? 194 00:10:56,555 --> 00:11:00,962 This avocado just gave me a wedding ring. 195 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,462 - So they're not shipping you overseas? - Nope. 196 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,427 I'm gonna stay here and let them test their laser-guided super weapons on me. 197 00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,448 Like that one. 198 00:11:18,156 --> 00:11:20,204 Don't worry, Dad. You'll do great. 199 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,264 Okay, these are war games, and I'm head of my team. 200 00:11:26,322 --> 00:11:29,300 I have to think like a great military leader. 201 00:11:30,326 --> 00:11:32,564 Ah, stay crunchy in milk. 202 00:11:33,479 --> 00:11:34,479 I will! 203 00:11:35,082 --> 00:11:38,582 Stay crunchy, men. Stay crunchy. 204 00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:44,521 This'll be like shooting cats off of Grandma's sofa. 205 00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:47,498 Oh, my God, I just remembered. 206 00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:49,699 It's Chinese New Year! 207 00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:53,737 Gung hay fat choi! Gung hay fat choi! 208 00:11:57,538 --> 00:11:58,734 Americans! 209 00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,429 After them! 210 00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:12,984 Sir, you can't just invade an American city without authorization. 211 00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,986 I sure as hell can! 212 00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:18,412 Congress slipped it into the National Broccoli Day Proclamation. 213 00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:21,198 I was wondering why you were carrying that thing around. 214 00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:23,601 I thought we were gonna have a day off or something. 215 00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:24,652 Think again. 216 00:12:24,855 --> 00:12:26,152 Now, move out! 217 00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:41,528 - Is this war? - No, sir, just a simulation. 218 00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:46,865 Whew, this pain feels so real. 219 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,719 Uh, it is real. 220 00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:50,641 Oh. Guess I'd better do my part. 221 00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:02,158 Bring it on, chumps! 222 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,010 Fingers, fingers, fingers. 223 00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:12,323 What you doing, Moe? Drawing a Wang on Marmaduke? 224 00:13:12,429 --> 00:13:13,422 Heck, no. 225 00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:16,657 I'm challenging myself with one of these, uh, Sudoku games. 226 00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:19,932 What, that Japanese puzzle in which no numeral can be repeated 227 00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,507 in a row, column, or box? 228 00:13:21,612 --> 00:13:22,686 That's how it works? 229 00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:25,011 I was just drawing wangs on the numbers. 230 00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:29,499 Moe, Moe, you got to hide us from the Army. 231 00:13:29,553 --> 00:13:31,332 The Salvation Army? You got it. 232 00:13:32,206 --> 00:13:34,506 Not that Army, the one from Stripes! 233 00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:35,708 Okay. 234 00:13:39,066 --> 00:13:41,217 Thanks, Moe. How can I ever re pay you? 235 00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:43,517 Hey, some things mean more to me than money. 236 00:13:44,974 --> 00:13:46,574 Like a whole lot of money. 237 00:13:46,678 --> 00:13:48,918 Why did you just say that sentence fragment? 238 00:13:48,923 --> 00:13:50,539 Uh, it, uh... long story. 239 00:13:57,292 --> 00:13:59,243 War game's over, losers. 240 00:14:02,913 --> 00:14:04,700 Hey, they's using live ammo. 241 00:14:04,706 --> 00:14:06,374 Well, what have we got? 242 00:14:07,941 --> 00:14:09,166 Rise, my pretties. 243 00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:12,540 Find our enemies and capture their image in your filmy fortress. 244 00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:18,600 I think we ought to just go up there and surrender. 245 00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:19,863 I'm not gonna surrender. 246 00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:22,126 You've seen what the US Army does to prisoners. 247 00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,761 How would you like to be stacked naked in a pile 248 00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:27,052 with a hillbilly girl pointing at you and laughing? 249 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,217 That was our last Christmas card. 250 00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:34,182 Yeah, Marge always loves your cards. 251 00:14:34,288 --> 00:14:37,419 Well, you may not be the smartest guys in the Army. 252 00:14:43,141 --> 00:14:44,208 Homer Simpson! 253 00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:45,801 We have captured your unit! 254 00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:48,664 We're telling off-color jokes and laughing as a group. 255 00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,649 Come and join the fun bunch. 256 00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:55,427 I'd give anything to hear Homer's voice. 257 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,061 "H" means "hot"?! 258 00:15:03,263 --> 00:15:07,823 Stupid Army, searching for me with that giant helicopter in the distance. 259 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,868 It's not giant and it's not in the distance. 260 00:15:11,075 --> 00:15:12,850 It's small and it's in our room! 261 00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:14,402 Predator drone! 262 00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:32,470 This means war. 263 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,462 - I thought it was already war. - I hate you. 264 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:38,630 Attention, Springfield! 265 00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:43,836 We are rounding up and detaining all men who are fat or bald, 266 00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:47,942 or have ever been amused by the antics of Homer Simpson. 267 00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:50,294 Excuse me. I don't belong here. 268 00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:53,039 I am not bald. I am balding! 269 00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,525 Ugh, why will no one honor the "-ding"? 270 00:16:55,829 --> 00:16:57,284 I honor the "-ding", sir. 271 00:16:57,292 --> 00:16:59,218 The hell are you talking about? 272 00:17:02,018 --> 00:17:03,614 Sir, maybe we should just quit. 273 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,211 This operation has cost over $50 million since lunch. 274 00:17:07,264 --> 00:17:10,506 US government policy is very clear. 275 00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,031 Never back down. Never admit a mistake. 276 00:17:13,134 --> 00:17:16,464 That's why we've won over half the wars we've fought. 277 00:17:20,948 --> 00:17:23,566 Mom, we've got to stop them from pacifying our town. 278 00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:25,587 Don't worry. I have a secret weapon 279 00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:28,152 one more deadly than any gun. 280 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,524 - Lisa's face? - A phone tree. 281 00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:31,526 Huh? 282 00:17:31,732 --> 00:17:33,051 Well, you'd better hurry. 283 00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,913 I don't think Dad can last much longer where he's hiding. 284 00:17:37,671 --> 00:17:42,292 Dorothy's daughter comes every Sunday and brings all kinds of wonderful soups. 285 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,950 - Oh... - And Melvin's son brings a banjo. 286 00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:48,804 And he works our names into his songs. 287 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:49,605 Oh...! 288 00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:53,539 Hello, Helen? 289 00:17:53,595 --> 00:17:56,615 I'm calling about the recent destruction of our town. 290 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,388 Well, I have a little plan to fix their wagon. 291 00:18:03,609 --> 00:18:04,507 - Hello. - Hello. 292 00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:05,507 - Hello. - Hello. 293 00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:06,509 - Hello. - Hello. 294 00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:10,463 Yes, Nelson, of course I'll help. 295 00:18:10,619 --> 00:18:12,027 And a haw-haw to you. 296 00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:13,648 So that's the plan. 297 00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:16,842 We're meeting at the reservoir at 8:00 p.m. 298 00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:19,237 I flushed a potato down the toilet. 299 00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:21,312 Now we have to live in a hotel. 300 00:18:21,316 --> 00:18:23,685 Terrific. Now call Lindsay Naegle. 301 00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:33,277 Marge, why did you have us bring our liquor to the reservoir? 302 00:18:33,582 --> 00:18:36,922 We're going to dump it in the water to get the Army drunk. 303 00:18:36,987 --> 00:18:37,927 Wow, uh... 304 00:18:37,932 --> 00:18:41,289 this'll be the first time I ever watered down my booze. 305 00:18:42,138 --> 00:18:44,414 Moe, why are your eyes darting back and forth so much? 306 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,300 Oh, I-I'm just thinking about a great tennis match I saw once, yeah. 307 00:18:48,405 --> 00:18:50,124 Uh, uh, now I'm thinking about ping-pong. 308 00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,508 A... ver-very fast chess game. 309 00:18:53,762 --> 00:18:55,403 A... snappy David Mamet play. 310 00:19:01,597 --> 00:19:03,692 What the hell... happened to us? 311 00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:05,488 I'll tell you what happened to us. 312 00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:08,672 Y-You used to be cool and then you got promoted. 313 00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:11,624 - I'm still cool. - Oh, really? 314 00:19:11,632 --> 00:19:15,390 When's the last time we took the tank and went down to Hansen's Point? 315 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,593 Just the two of us? 316 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,085 All right, all right, here's the plan. 317 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,461 We're gonna take a Li-little nap, 318 00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:24,925 and then we're gonna wake up fresh as daisies. 319 00:19:30,998 --> 00:19:34,167 Colonel, we're here to discuss the terms of your surrender. 320 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,472 Surrender? Never. 321 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,177 Hmm, let's see what your hangover has to say. 322 00:19:41,635 --> 00:19:44,354 Great Cheney's Ghost! You win. 323 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:47,638 Colonel, I hope you've learned that an occupying foreign force 324 00:19:47,742 --> 00:19:50,304 can never defeat a determined local populace. 325 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,968 Among the many things we learned in Vietnam... 326 00:19:53,072 --> 00:19:54,070 Horn, please. 327 00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,758 Simpson, you may have won, but you still have to serve 328 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,053 the remainder of your tour of duty. 329 00:20:03,128 --> 00:20:04,964 All right, but no combat. 330 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,837 Don't you worry, ma'am. 331 00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:11,464 A man of your husband's ingenuity can be put to very good use. 332 00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:15,419 Dudes. 333 00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:17,089 Want to make some extra spending money? 334 00:20:17,158 --> 00:20:18,505 Get a free pair of boots? 335 00:20:18,558 --> 00:20:21,308 Hey, baby, you like obstacle courses? 336 00:20:21,714 --> 00:20:23,561 Thinking it over, huh? I'm cool with that. 337 00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:27,199 Hey, pal, like the way you handle that mop. 338 00:20:27,303 --> 00:20:28,197 You like killing? 339 00:20:28,406 --> 00:20:29,441 Hey, ladies. 340 00:20:29,474 --> 00:20:32,235 Are you tired of waiting for sanctions to work? 341 00:20:32,238 --> 00:20:33,497 I know I am.