1
00:00:16,251 --> 00:00:20,310
we are not all naked under our clothes
2
00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:22,340
Bart, can we go to
Banana Republic?
3
00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:25,024
There's a mannequin there
I have a crush on.
4
00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:28,708
Milhouse, that is the most
pathetic thing I ever...
5
00:01:29,731 --> 00:01:32,663
Oh, my God. She's beautiful.
6
00:01:33,567 --> 00:01:34,631
Bullies!
7
00:01:36,839 --> 00:01:37,340
Wait.
8
00:01:37,601 --> 00:01:38,699
They're employees.
9
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,409
They have to be nice to us.
Let's go.
10
00:01:43,878 --> 00:01:45,734
Oh, shoe-boy?
11
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:49,538
I'm looking for something
in a cross-trainer.
12
00:01:49,623 --> 00:01:51,893
What size do I smell like?
13
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:54,156
You're dead, Simpson.
14
00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:56,458
Dude, don't lose it
in the workplace.
15
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:59,012
We're already on thin ice
with Mr. Friedman.
16
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:03,871
The shoe size calibrator is for
measuring feet and nothing else.
17
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:04,892
Yes, Mr. Friedman.
18
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,204
I'm sorry, Mr. Friedman.
19
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,808
That tie really brings out
your eyes, Mr. Friedman.
20
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,260
You're lacing it wrong.
21
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,476
I want it overy-undery,
not undery-overy.
22
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,699
Re-lace them all.
23
00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:17,090
No.
24
00:02:19,870 --> 00:02:22,720
Attention part-time
sales representatives.
25
00:02:23,515 --> 00:02:26,396
I'm leaving this job to
work at Jolly Tamale
26
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,458
because the hours are better
and my mom's really sick.
27
00:02:29,564 --> 00:02:31,241
When you leave what
happens to your rule
28
00:02:31,345 --> 00:02:33,035
about not whaling on customers?
29
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,488
That rule leaves with me.
30
00:02:46,621 --> 00:02:48,498
Idle teens at 1:00.
31
00:02:48,634 --> 00:02:50,791
Intercepting in three, two.
32
00:02:51,246 --> 00:02:52,204
'Sup, guys?
33
00:02:52,216 --> 00:02:53,956
Heard the new rap CD?
34
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,658
Yo, I don't know
what I dig more,
35
00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:58,262
hip-hop, krunk, or
serving my country.
36
00:02:58,317 --> 00:03:00,105
Are you guys hitting on us?
37
00:03:00,131 --> 00:03:01,325
No, man, we just want
38
00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:03,529
to talk to you about something
near and dear to us.
39
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:04,709
What? Being gay?
40
00:03:04,837 --> 00:03:06,462
Close. The Army.
41
00:03:06,559 --> 00:03:08,357
Because of exciting
current events,
42
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:09,677
the Army needs new members.
43
00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:11,529
New members who want to
earn money for college,
44
00:03:11,596 --> 00:03:14,315
and see a part of the world
that tourists never go to.
45
00:03:14,322 --> 00:03:16,879
Doesn't the Army have
to fight in wars?
46
00:03:17,746 --> 00:03:19,975
Not wars, global struggles.
47
00:03:19,977 --> 00:03:21,394
You guys like globes?
48
00:03:21,419 --> 00:03:22,899
Let's go, dudes.
49
00:03:25,947 --> 00:03:26,772
Damn it.
50
00:03:26,777 --> 00:03:28,806
Even the dumbest teenagers
in the dumbest town
51
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,997
in the dumbest state know
better than to join the Army.
52
00:03:31,047 --> 00:03:33,162
Well, we'll just
have to go younger.
53
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,560
What's this assembly for?
54
00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:39,694
A surprise Doodlebops concert?
55
00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:42,597
Standardized tests, standardized tests,
standardized tests.
56
00:03:42,994 --> 00:03:45,491
How many of you
like video games?
57
00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:49,799
Well, what if there was
a violent video game
58
00:03:49,852 --> 00:03:53,983
that you could play for free, plus
it's real life and not a game at all?
59
00:03:53,998 --> 00:03:55,497
Wouldn't that be slammin'?
60
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,247
Who are these wonderful people?
61
00:03:57,252 --> 00:03:58,580
Now we brought along a movie.
62
00:03:58,607 --> 00:04:02,016
Do you guys know where we can find
some awesome kids to show it to?
63
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:03,427
Dearborn, Michigan?
64
00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:04,549
No, here.
65
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:05,430
You got it.
66
00:04:18,445 --> 00:04:21,003
I'm imagining that knight is me!
67
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,657
Ooh.
68
00:04:58,615 --> 00:04:59,572
The Army
69
00:04:59,627 --> 00:05:01,293
It's everything you like.
70
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:02,644
Ah.
71
00:05:03,231 --> 00:05:06,021
Now you can't legally join
the army until you're 18,
72
00:05:06,035 --> 00:05:09,217
but if you pre-enlist now,
we will save you a spot
73
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:11,999
in America's next unresolvable conflict.
74
00:05:19,745 --> 00:05:22,597
Listen to those half-pencils scribble.
75
00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:24,470
Thanks for fitting us in, Sergeant Skinner.
76
00:05:24,503 --> 00:05:26,682
Well, I'd do anything
for my beloved Army.
77
00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:28,475
Well, how about re-enlisting?
78
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,487
How about you bite me?
79
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,040
Great news, Ma.
80
00:05:32,044 --> 00:05:34,261
I agreed to join the army when I turn 18.
81
00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,837
What? Homer!
82
00:05:37,954 --> 00:05:39,652
Our son joined the Army.
83
00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:42,766
Eh, big deal, by the time Bart's 18,
84
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,567
we're going to control the world.
85
00:05:44,985 --> 00:05:45,891
We're China, right?
86
00:05:46,337 --> 00:05:47,852
Now listen, Bub.
87
00:05:47,859 --> 00:05:49,574
You go down to those recruiters
88
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,248
and tell them Bart is
too young for the Army.
89
00:05:52,315 --> 00:05:55,595
I don't want this to Bethe
only memory I have of him.
90
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,520
How come I can't join the army,
but Lisa gets to be in PETA?
91
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,224
I think she just
answers their phone.
92
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,086
Hey.
93
00:06:04,121 --> 00:06:04,788
Uh...
94
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,621
Fur is murder!
95
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:09,704
When's the Krusty movie coming out?
96
00:06:09,762 --> 00:06:11,306
Whoa. Uh, hey.
97
00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:12,361
No, you can't.
98
00:06:12,454 --> 00:06:14,070
Uh, this one's ruined.
99
00:06:14,077 --> 00:06:15,222
Give me the backup.
100
00:06:18,353 --> 00:06:19,639
Now the babies.
101
00:06:23,442 --> 00:06:25,527
And the monkey head mittens.
102
00:06:27,288 --> 00:06:30,147
Yeah, I'm a real class act.
103
00:06:34,586 --> 00:06:37,575
Okay, Mr. Simpson, we'll
tear up your son's contract.
104
00:06:37,804 --> 00:06:38,880
Sorry, guys.
105
00:06:38,943 --> 00:06:41,612
You know, his mother's the
one who made me come down here.
106
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:46,999
Sounds, uh, like you're kind of tired
of being bossed around at home.
107
00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:48,036
Go on.
108
00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,760
Would you be interested in, um...
109
00:06:49,864 --> 00:06:52,184
well, I don't know, joining the army?
110
00:06:52,386 --> 00:06:55,612
Wouldn't that take me away from my
family for two whole years?
111
00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:59,431
Hey, a big target like you will
be home a lot sooner than that.
112
00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,990
Woo-hoo! Where do I sign?
113
00:07:02,528 --> 00:07:04,068
Now where's my parade?
114
00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:06,960
Where's my parade?
115
00:07:07,815 --> 00:07:10,325
We have this issue of Parade Magazine.
116
00:07:12,094 --> 00:07:14,512
Ooh, "Who makes what in America."
117
00:07:14,887 --> 00:07:18,105
Army private: $14,000 a year. D'oh!
118
00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,429
Homer, with all the
things you've done...
119
00:07:25,461 --> 00:07:29,184
go into space, attend clown
college, join the Navy...
120
00:07:29,189 --> 00:07:31,859
I never thought you'd
join the Army.
121
00:07:32,674 --> 00:07:36,003
Whoa, even the Army
has Humvees now.
122
00:07:39,453 --> 00:07:41,772
Homie, don't do this.
123
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:44,907
You have a wife and
three young children at home.
124
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,140
I have to, Marge.
125
00:07:46,374 --> 00:07:49,415
Who else is gonna keep oil
under a hundred dollars a barrel?
126
00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:51,586
You? Don't make me laugh.
127
00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:55,511
You couldn't...
128
00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:57,555
Aw, oh, oh, don't, no.
129
00:07:57,569 --> 00:07:59,327
Daddy's just teasing.
130
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,558
Of course you could.
131
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,542
You could keep it under a hundred.
132
00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:03,906
Yes, you could.
133
00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:05,738
No, she couldn't.
134
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,740
Fort Clinton (Not That Clinton)
135
00:08:14,514 --> 00:08:15,631
Attention!
136
00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:18,618
Ordinarily, I would spend
the next two hours
137
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:22,212
questioning your sexuality,
running down your hometowns,
138
00:08:22,215 --> 00:08:24,955
and telling you to drop
and give me various numbers.
139
00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,278
Are you gonna ask us our
major malfunctions?
140
00:08:27,286 --> 00:08:29,262
'Cause mine is I care too much.
141
00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:33,868
Unfortunately, the demand
for troops has never been higher,
142
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:35,782
so we've got to speed things up.
143
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:38,295
While you've been standing
here, your hair's been cut,
144
00:08:38,299 --> 00:08:41,162
and your clothes have been
replaced with army fatigues.
145
00:08:49,359 --> 00:08:51,857
Here's your nicknames: Brooklyn, Hollywood,
146
00:08:51,859 --> 00:08:54,091
Kissimmee-St. Cloud, Florida, Maveri,
147
00:08:54,096 --> 00:08:56,943
Blanket Hog, Newman's
Own, Master of Suspense,
148
00:08:56,947 --> 00:08:59,195
England's Rose, Nickname Pending,
149
00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,772
Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Snowflake.
150
00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:02,710
Snowflake?
151
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,714
What happens to me in the summer?
152
00:09:04,719 --> 00:09:06,127
A troublemaker, huh?!
153
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:08,078
You're gonna sit here and eat donuts,
154
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:10,555
while the rest of the
unit does push-ups!
155
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,385
I don't understand.
156
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,929
How does punishing them
teach me a lesson?
157
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,894
Just for that, they'll do
the push-ups one-handed,
158
00:09:23,899 --> 00:09:27,809
while you eat Alaskan King salmon
and I give you a foot rub!
159
00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:30,122
I like rubbing people's feet
160
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:32,075
Corns and bunions are a treat
161
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,017
I can give massage real well
162
00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:36,083
If you know why, don't ask, don't tell.
163
00:09:38,201 --> 00:09:41,077
Congratulations, you have all
completed basic training.
164
00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:43,711
Our base commander will now
give you your assignments.
165
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,154
Okay, listen up!
166
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,507
Man, you've got an awesome voice!
167
00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:48,682
Well, thank you.
168
00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:50,392
Can you say,"Side effects may include
169
00:09:50,396 --> 00:09:51,904
drowsiness and loss of appetite"?
170
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:55,009
Side effects may include drowsiness
and loss of appetite.
171
00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:56,873
Hmm, sounded better in my head.
172
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:59,137
Now, we've graded
your aptitude tests
173
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:02,821
and assigned you specialties
to match your skills.
174
00:10:02,837 --> 00:10:03,813
Frontline infantry.
175
00:10:03,877 --> 00:10:05,765
Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry.
176
00:10:05,782 --> 00:10:06,736
Frontline infantry.
177
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,910
I joined to make recruitment films.
178
00:10:08,935 --> 00:10:11,543
Well, you know where you're gonna
get good footage, don't you?
179
00:10:11,558 --> 00:10:12,574
Ooh, tell me.
180
00:10:12,632 --> 00:10:14,217
Frontline infantry!
181
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,327
Everyone got an assignment but us.
182
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:22,281
I wonder what makes
us so special.
183
00:10:27,491 --> 00:10:29,022
Gentlemen, I'll be frank.
184
00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:32,084
Never before has the
Army accepted recruits
185
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,299
with test scores as low as yours.
186
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:37,483
That's an odd way to start
handing out medals.
187
00:10:37,489 --> 00:10:39,714
I'm not handing out medals!
188
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,361
But I am gonna give you a
special assignment.
189
00:10:42,363 --> 00:10:44,224
The Army is conducting war games,
190
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,286
and we want you to play the enemy.
191
00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:48,639
Don't you get it?
192
00:10:48,643 --> 00:10:52,815
They're using us as patsies
to make the Army look good.
193
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,427
Are we that stupid?
194
00:10:56,555 --> 00:11:00,962
This avocado just gave
me a wedding ring.
195
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,462
- So they're not shipping you overseas?
- Nope.
196
00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,427
I'm gonna stay here and let them test
their laser-guided super weapons on me.
197
00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,448
Like that one.
198
00:11:18,156 --> 00:11:20,204
Don't worry, Dad.
You'll do great.
199
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,264
Okay, these are war games,
and I'm head of my team.
200
00:11:26,322 --> 00:11:29,300
I have to think
like a great military leader.
201
00:11:30,326 --> 00:11:32,564
Ah, stay crunchy in milk.
202
00:11:33,479 --> 00:11:34,479
I will!
203
00:11:35,082 --> 00:11:38,582
Stay crunchy, men.
Stay crunchy.
204
00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:44,521
This'll be like shooting cats
off of Grandma's sofa.
205
00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:47,498
Oh, my God, I just remembered.
206
00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:49,699
It's Chinese New Year!
207
00:11:51,358 --> 00:11:53,737
Gung hay fat choi!
Gung hay fat choi!
208
00:11:57,538 --> 00:11:58,734
Americans!
209
00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,429
After them!
210
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:12,984
Sir, you can't just invade an
American city without authorization.
211
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,986
I sure as hell can!
212
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:18,412
Congress slipped it into the
National Broccoli Day Proclamation.
213
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:21,198
I was wondering why you
were carrying that thing around.
214
00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:23,601
I thought we were gonna have
a day off or something.
215
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:24,652
Think again.
216
00:12:24,855 --> 00:12:26,152
Now, move out!
217
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:41,528
- Is this war?
- No, sir, just a simulation.
218
00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:46,865
Whew, this pain feels so real.
219
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,719
Uh, it is real.
220
00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:50,641
Oh. Guess I'd better
do my part.
221
00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:02,158
Bring it on, chumps!
222
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,010
Fingers, fingers, fingers.
223
00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:12,323
What you doing, Moe?
Drawing a Wang on Marmaduke?
224
00:13:12,429 --> 00:13:13,422
Heck, no.
225
00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:16,657
I'm challenging myself
with one of these, uh, Sudoku games.
226
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:19,932
What, that Japanese puzzle
in which no numeral can be repeated
227
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,507
in a row, column, or box?
228
00:13:21,612 --> 00:13:22,686
That's how it works?
229
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:25,011
I was just drawing
wangs on the numbers.
230
00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:29,499
Moe, Moe, you got to hide us
from the Army.
231
00:13:29,553 --> 00:13:31,332
The Salvation Army? You got it.
232
00:13:32,206 --> 00:13:34,506
Not that Army,
the one from Stripes!
233
00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:35,708
Okay.
234
00:13:39,066 --> 00:13:41,217
Thanks, Moe.
How can I ever re pay you?
235
00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:43,517
Hey, some things mean
more to me than money.
236
00:13:44,974 --> 00:13:46,574
Like a whole lot of money.
237
00:13:46,678 --> 00:13:48,918
Why did you just say
that sentence fragment?
238
00:13:48,923 --> 00:13:50,539
Uh, it, uh... long story.
239
00:13:57,292 --> 00:13:59,243
War game's over, losers.
240
00:14:02,913 --> 00:14:04,700
Hey, they's using live ammo.
241
00:14:04,706 --> 00:14:06,374
Well, what have we got?
242
00:14:07,941 --> 00:14:09,166
Rise, my pretties.
243
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:12,540
Find our enemies and capture
their image in your filmy fortress.
244
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:18,600
I think we ought to
just go up there and surrender.
245
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:19,863
I'm not gonna surrender.
246
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:22,126
You've seen what the US
Army does to prisoners.
247
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,761
How would you like to
be stacked naked in a pile
248
00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:27,052
with a hillbilly girl pointing
at you and laughing?
249
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,217
That was our last Christmas card.
250
00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:34,182
Yeah, Marge always loves your cards.
251
00:14:34,288 --> 00:14:37,419
Well, you may not be the
smartest guys in the Army.
252
00:14:43,141 --> 00:14:44,208
Homer Simpson!
253
00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:45,801
We have captured your unit!
254
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:48,664
We're telling off-color jokes
and laughing as a group.
255
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,649
Come and join the fun bunch.
256
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:55,427
I'd give anything
to hear Homer's voice.
257
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,061
"H" means "hot"?!
258
00:15:03,263 --> 00:15:07,823
Stupid Army, searching for me with
that giant helicopter in the distance.
259
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:10,868
It's not giant and
it's not in the distance.
260
00:15:11,075 --> 00:15:12,850
It's small and
it's in our room!
261
00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:14,402
Predator drone!
262
00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:32,470
This means war.
263
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:35,462
- I thought it was already war.
- I hate you.
264
00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:38,630
Attention, Springfield!
265
00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:43,836
We are rounding up and detaining
all men who are fat or bald,
266
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:47,942
or have ever been amused by
the antics of Homer Simpson.
267
00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:50,294
Excuse me.
I don't belong here.
268
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:53,039
I am not bald.
I am balding!
269
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,525
Ugh, why will no one honor the "-ding"?
270
00:16:55,829 --> 00:16:57,284
I honor the "-ding", sir.
271
00:16:57,292 --> 00:16:59,218
The hell are you talking about?
272
00:17:02,018 --> 00:17:03,614
Sir, maybe we should just quit.
273
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,211
This operation has cost
over $50 million since lunch.
274
00:17:07,264 --> 00:17:10,506
US government policy is very clear.
275
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:13,031
Never back down.
Never admit a mistake.
276
00:17:13,134 --> 00:17:16,464
That's why we've won
over half the wars we've fought.
277
00:17:20,948 --> 00:17:23,566
Mom, we've got to stop
them from pacifying our town.
278
00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:25,587
Don't worry.
I have a secret weapon
279
00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:28,152
one more deadly than any gun.
280
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,524
- Lisa's face?
- A phone tree.
281
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:31,526
Huh?
282
00:17:31,732 --> 00:17:33,051
Well, you'd better hurry.
283
00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,913
I don't think Dad can last much
longer where he's hiding.
284
00:17:37,671 --> 00:17:42,292
Dorothy's daughter comes every Sunday
and brings all kinds of wonderful soups.
285
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,950
- Oh...
- And Melvin's son brings a banjo.
286
00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:48,804
And he works our names
into his songs.
287
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:49,605
Oh...!
288
00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:53,539
Hello, Helen?
289
00:17:53,595 --> 00:17:56,615
I'm calling about the recent
destruction of our town.
290
00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,388
Well, I have a little
plan to fix their wagon.
291
00:18:03,609 --> 00:18:04,507
- Hello.
- Hello.
292
00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:05,507
- Hello.
- Hello.
293
00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:06,509
- Hello.
- Hello.
294
00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:10,463
Yes, Nelson,
of course I'll help.
295
00:18:10,619 --> 00:18:12,027
And a haw-haw to you.
296
00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:13,648
So that's the plan.
297
00:18:13,756 --> 00:18:16,842
We're meeting at the
reservoir at 8:00 p.m.
298
00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:19,237
I flushed a potato
down the toilet.
299
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:21,312
Now we have to live in a hotel.
300
00:18:21,316 --> 00:18:23,685
Terrific.
Now call Lindsay Naegle.
301
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:33,277
Marge, why did you have us
bring our liquor to the reservoir?
302
00:18:33,582 --> 00:18:36,922
We're going to dump it in
the water to get the Army drunk.
303
00:18:36,987 --> 00:18:37,927
Wow, uh...
304
00:18:37,932 --> 00:18:41,289
this'll be the first time
I ever watered down my booze.
305
00:18:42,138 --> 00:18:44,414
Moe, why are your eyes
darting back and forth so much?
306
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,300
Oh, I-I'm just thinking about a
great tennis match I saw once, yeah.
307
00:18:48,405 --> 00:18:50,124
Uh, uh, now I'm thinking
about ping-pong.
308
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,508
A... ver-very fast chess game.
309
00:18:53,762 --> 00:18:55,403
A... snappy David Mamet play.
310
00:19:01,597 --> 00:19:03,692
What the hell... happened to us?
311
00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:05,488
I'll tell you what
happened to us.
312
00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:08,672
Y-You used to be cool and
then you got promoted.
313
00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:11,624
- I'm still cool.
- Oh, really?
314
00:19:11,632 --> 00:19:15,390
When's the last time we took the tank
and went down to Hansen's Point?
315
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,593
Just the two of us?
316
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,085
All right, all right, here's the plan.
317
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,461
We're gonna take a Li-little nap,
318
00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:24,925
and then we're gonna
wake up fresh as daisies.
319
00:19:30,998 --> 00:19:34,167
Colonel, we're here to discuss
the terms of your surrender.
320
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,472
Surrender?
Never.
321
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,177
Hmm, let's see what your
hangover has to say.
322
00:19:41,635 --> 00:19:44,354
Great Cheney's Ghost!
You win.
323
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:47,638
Colonel, I hope you've learned
that an occupying foreign force
324
00:19:47,742 --> 00:19:50,304
can never defeat
a determined local populace.
325
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,968
Among the many things
we learned in Vietnam...
326
00:19:53,072 --> 00:19:54,070
Horn, please.
327
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,758
Simpson, you may have won,
but you still have to serve
328
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,053
the remainder of your tour of duty.
329
00:20:03,128 --> 00:20:04,964
All right, but no combat.
330
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,837
Don't you worry, ma'am.
331
00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:11,464
A man of your husband's ingenuity
can be put to very good use.
332
00:20:14,452 --> 00:20:15,419
Dudes.
333
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:17,089
Want to make some
extra spending money?
334
00:20:17,158 --> 00:20:18,505
Get a free pair of boots?
335
00:20:18,558 --> 00:20:21,308
Hey, baby,
you like obstacle courses?
336
00:20:21,714 --> 00:20:23,561
Thinking it over, huh?
I'm cool with that.
337
00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:27,199
Hey, pal, like the way
you handle that mop.
338
00:20:27,303 --> 00:20:28,197
You like killing?
339
00:20:28,406 --> 00:20:29,441
Hey, ladies.
340
00:20:29,474 --> 00:20:32,235
Are you tired of waiting
for sanctions to work?
341
00:20:32,238 --> 00:20:33,497
I know I am.