1
00:02:26,552 --> 00:02:31,547
Happy birthday, dear Homer
2
00:02:31,548 --> 00:02:36,263
Happy birthday to you!
3
00:02:36,264 --> 00:02:38,136
I don't have to make a wish,
4
00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:39,620
because I already have
5
00:02:39,621 --> 00:02:42,268
this wonderful family.
6
00:02:42,269 --> 00:02:44,080
I wish for infinity hamburgers.
7
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,142
Huh?
8
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:54,545
Oh, I get it.
9
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:56,933
These are those trick candles
10
00:02:56,937 --> 00:02:58,659
you can't blow out.
11
00:02:58,661 --> 00:02:59,552
No, Dad,
12
00:02:59,552 --> 00:03:00,985
they're the
opposite.
13
00:03:00,985 --> 00:03:02,181
"E-Z BLO."
14
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,831
This ends now.
15
00:03:14,314 --> 00:03:15,805
It's okay, Homie.
16
00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:17,491
You're probably just tired
17
00:03:17,503 --> 00:03:19,855
from not doing anything all day.
18
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:21,009
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
19
00:03:21,015 --> 00:03:22,384
Dad, you're out of shape
20
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,029
even for an American.
21
00:03:24,035 --> 00:03:25,804
I'll just focus on one area.
22
00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:40,442
How many did I get?
23
00:03:40,535 --> 00:03:42,437
None? That's cool.
24
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,384
You know how many fires are started
by birthday candles?
25
00:04:03,388 --> 00:04:04,226
If you do, tell me.
26
00:04:04,229 --> 00:04:05,880
It would settle a bet
down at the station house.
27
00:04:05,885 --> 00:04:07,597
I say five, Gus says a million.
28
00:04:08,886 --> 00:04:12,430
This disasterette was a real wake-up call.
29
00:04:12,437 --> 00:04:15,690
We need to find a way to
protect our irreplaceables.
30
00:04:15,697 --> 00:04:17,670
You could buy a fireproof safe.
31
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:18,893
Or we could just resolve
32
00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:20,989
to be more careful with our open flames.
33
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,157
Sir, we've been here six times this month.
34
00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:27,397
Yeah, but, um,
one of those, I dialed 9-1-1 by mistake,
35
00:04:27,414 --> 00:04:29,437
but I was too embarrassed to admit it,
36
00:04:29,441 --> 00:04:31,732
so I set the house on fire.
37
00:04:31,736 --> 00:04:33,378
Feels good to tell the truth.
38
00:04:33,472 --> 00:04:35,734
No, I'm lying again, it feels bad.
39
00:04:36,721 --> 00:04:37,781
Okay.
40
00:04:37,785 --> 00:04:40,099
Everyone gets to put one precious item
41
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,964
in our fireproof safe.
42
00:04:41,971 --> 00:04:45,426
For me, it's the family photo album.
43
00:04:46,997 --> 00:04:48,005
Aw.
44
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:50,612
Our kids used to be so cute.
45
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:51,615
Used to?!
46
00:04:51,629 --> 00:04:52,907
Oh, deal with it.
47
00:04:53,374 --> 00:04:55,175
It's so hard to choose
48
00:04:55,181 --> 00:04:57,693
just one item worthy of the safe.
49
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,341
So I made this elaborate decision tree,
50
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:03,092
which in itself is worthy of preservation.
51
00:05:03,097 --> 00:05:04,556
Tick tock, sweetie.
52
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:06,601
I picked my Malibu Stacy hybrid convertible.
53
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,993
It runs on her old make
up and out-of-style shoes.
54
00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,517
I'm going with the cologne
55
00:05:11,531 --> 00:05:14,066
I wore on our first date.
56
00:05:15,957 --> 00:05:17,183
Ooh.
57
00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:20,995
I'm putting in my
"Catch A Rising Krusty" doll!
58
00:05:24,082 --> 00:05:27,366
Where do the kids today get
these band names?
59
00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:28,320
"The Kinks?"
60
00:05:28,326 --> 00:05:29,242
"The Stones?"
61
00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:31,170
Sounds like my last physical!
62
00:05:32,638 --> 00:05:33,908
References.
63
00:05:34,914 --> 00:05:36,484
No. Wait. Don't...
64
00:05:37,562 --> 00:05:39,727
Now we have nothing to worry about
65
00:05:39,732 --> 00:05:43,026
in the event of a fire except our lives.
66
00:05:44,204 --> 00:05:46,539
You see all those crazy new electronics?
67
00:05:46,541 --> 00:05:48,514
iPod... iTunes...
68
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,687
I give up!
69
00:05:57,535 --> 00:05:59,277
What's that coming out of the safe?
70
00:05:59,282 --> 00:06:02,045
I don't know-- maybe the
Krusty doll accidentally turned on
71
00:06:02,049 --> 00:06:04,393
the car's headlight,
which focused on the cologne bottle,
72
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,281
causing it to boil, and soon explode.
73
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,023
Dad, that's ridiculous.
74
00:06:10,799 --> 00:06:13,440
What's the deal with
this "California pizza"?
75
00:06:13,445 --> 00:06:14,434
If I wanted...
76
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,207
cheese and fruit, I'd have to...
77
00:06:23,829 --> 00:06:26,322
No!
78
00:06:26,830 --> 00:06:28,136
It's gone.
79
00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:32,640
That family album was a
record of my accomplishments.
80
00:06:32,645 --> 00:06:35,823
It's like what a resume is for a man.
81
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:38,161
I agree, Mom, it's very sad.
82
00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:39,843
But we'll have to move on.
83
00:06:39,861 --> 00:06:43,345
It's not like we can re-stage
all our family photos.
84
00:06:43,349 --> 00:06:46,123
Re-stage the photos?
85
00:06:46,131 --> 00:06:47,698
Lisa, you fool.
86
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:49,353
You've doomed us all.
87
00:06:50,303 --> 00:06:51,794
No!
88
00:07:12,463 --> 00:07:16,510
Okay,
we're recreating our series finale party
89
00:07:16,513 --> 00:07:19,068
for Star Trek: Voyager.
90
00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:22,838
Oh, man, I thought I was strong enough
91
00:07:22,844 --> 00:07:25,640
to get through this again, but I'm not.
92
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,686
Oh, Captain Janeway!
93
00:07:30,690 --> 00:07:34,074
Your mission ended too soon.
94
00:07:34,289 --> 00:07:37,175
Too soon.
95
00:07:43,619 --> 00:07:46,173
Our new photos are back!
96
00:07:46,177 --> 00:07:47,267
Ooh!
97
00:07:50,049 --> 00:07:52,311
That's why I got duplicates.
98
00:07:52,317 --> 00:07:54,069
Re-staged Precious Memories.
99
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,936
Aw! There's my first saxophone recital.
100
00:07:56,941 --> 00:08:00,899
Bart looks so cute as a
mighty oak in the school play.
101
00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:03,967
Here I am on the Space Shuttle,
orbiting Earth.
102
00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:06,959
It sure was nice of NASA
to send you up again.
103
00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:08,723
Oh, my God!
104
00:08:08,728 --> 00:08:11,844
Check out what's happening
behind your re-staged anniversary dinner.
105
00:08:11,848 --> 00:08:14,272
Duffman's on a date with Booberella.
106
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,838
He's supposed to be
107
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,700
in a stable, long-term gay relationship.
108
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:18,656
Hmm.
109
00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:21,253
This is a celebrity scandal.
110
00:08:21,258 --> 00:08:23,831
We could sell that photo to a tabloid.
111
00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:26,549
And they pay big money for photos.
112
00:08:26,555 --> 00:08:28,677
Marge, this isn't like you.
113
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:32,589
Well, it's just about what we
need to pay for our fire damage.
114
00:08:32,714 --> 00:08:34,336
Spooky.
115
00:08:38,632 --> 00:08:40,054
This is good, real good.
116
00:08:40,058 --> 00:08:42,319
Like Lindsay Lohan looking drunk,
high and bony.
117
00:08:42,326 --> 00:08:44,277
Click, click, career over,
see ya in the gutter, freckles!
118
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,840
Homer, I'll pay you 200 bucks.
119
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:46,982
Bring me more snaps like this,
120
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,588
and I'll make you a moderately wealthy man.
121
00:08:48,592 --> 00:08:50,734
Moderately wealthy?
122
00:08:51,754 --> 00:08:54,026
Whee! I'm sort of rich!
123
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:56,803
I can rent anything I want!
124
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,030
That's quite an offer.
125
00:08:58,042 --> 00:08:59,562
Can I discuss it with my wife?
126
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,408
- Sure, why not?
- Then I'll do it!
127
00:09:03,552 --> 00:09:04,829
The Krusty Movie.
Premiering Tonight.
128
00:09:04,894 --> 00:09:08,521
Oh, boy! I can't wait to see Krusty.
129
00:09:08,525 --> 00:09:11,089
Look,
there's his chauffeur-driven Town Car.
130
00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:16,427
Your head dinged my door panel!
131
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,693
Jerks like you ought to be shot!
132
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:19,514
Krusty!
133
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,094
How about a nice shot of
you with the boy you injured?
134
00:09:22,101 --> 00:09:23,226
Paparazzi?!
135
00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:25,303
Get lost, ya parasite.
136
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,583
How about you, Gabbo?
137
00:09:27,997 --> 00:09:30,321
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
138
00:09:30,325 --> 00:09:32,938
Okay, how about an autograph for my kids?
139
00:09:32,945 --> 00:09:34,664
Well, when you put it that way...
140
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:37,171
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi
yi-yi-yi-yi!
141
00:09:39,784 --> 00:09:42,489
Okay, boy, this is that snooty supermarket
142
00:09:42,492 --> 00:09:44,001
all the celebrities shop at.
143
00:09:44,056 --> 00:09:46,199
You're gonna help me ambush them.
144
00:09:46,201 --> 00:09:48,112
Look at this place.
145
00:09:48,115 --> 00:09:49,879
Imported beer?
146
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:51,618
Seedless grapes?
147
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,542
Chewing gum?
148
00:09:54,228 --> 00:09:57,796
The clown on this cereal box
is just a person.
149
00:09:58,292 --> 00:09:59,522
There's the Rich Texan
150
00:09:59,556 --> 00:10:01,178
and his daughter, Paris Texan.
151
00:10:01,181 --> 00:10:03,626
Come on, baby, barf for mama.
152
00:10:03,628 --> 00:10:05,620
Okay, boy, do something annoying,
153
00:10:05,627 --> 00:10:08,218
but leave yourself room to build.
154
00:10:08,787 --> 00:10:10,826
Hey, Paris, I saw a disgusting
155
00:10:10,831 --> 00:10:12,631
part of your body on the Internet--
156
00:10:12,638 --> 00:10:13,457
your face!
157
00:10:13,461 --> 00:10:15,633
I'm still breaking in this nose!
158
00:10:20,021 --> 00:10:21,371
Springfield
Dry cleaners.
159
00:10:31,187 --> 00:10:32,976
Look at those celebrities.
160
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,052
I've met them all,
161
00:10:34,055 --> 00:10:36,339
and yet they don't even acknowledge my existence.
162
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,613
Hello, Homer.
163
00:10:37,615 --> 00:10:39,096
Have you lost weight?
164
00:10:39,101 --> 00:10:41,442
Oh, like you care, Betty White.
165
00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:42,919
Tell me, how's Maggie?
166
00:10:42,921 --> 00:10:44,833
Her name is Marge!
167
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,639
I was talking about your baby.
168
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,227
Oh. Uh, she's looking very... snappy!
169
00:10:49,263 --> 00:10:51,426
Thanks for taking my picture.
170
00:10:51,428 --> 00:10:52,748
If you want me to sign it,
171
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,196
here's a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
172
00:10:55,203 --> 00:10:58,798
And give Santa's Little
Helper a big hug for me.
173
00:10:59,185 --> 00:11:02,167
Yeah, that's right, just walk away.
174
00:11:05,864 --> 00:11:08,439
Beautiful day, isn't it, Freddie?
God bless you and yours.
175
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,254
Dad, it's Drederick Tatum.
176
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,617
Try to get him to punch you.
177
00:11:11,794 --> 00:11:12,800
No problem.
178
00:11:13,076 --> 00:11:14,256
Hey, Drederick!
179
00:11:14,855 --> 00:11:16,773
Yes, how can I help you,
my handsome friend?
180
00:11:16,889 --> 00:11:19,916
Your hip-hop CD was
boastful and unnecessary.
181
00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:21,509
Okay, here we go.
182
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,368
That's what I think
of the forth estate!
183
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,505
What are the first three?
184
00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:42,855
Nobility, clergy and commoners.
Learn your French history.
185
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:43,850
Okay.
186
00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:47,481
Terrific! Outstanding!
187
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:48,976
This has page one
written all over it.
188
00:11:49,162 --> 00:11:50,301
What the hell did you do that for?
189
00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:52,769
I wanted to remember my place
in the book I was reading.
190
00:11:57,428 --> 00:12:00,270
Boy, I never thought
I'd have my own darkroom.
191
00:12:00,396 --> 00:12:03,282
Yes, but why does it
have to be in my bedroom?
192
00:12:03,447 --> 00:12:05,499
Lis, you can't stay here
if you're gonna keep talking.
193
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:08,094
It's 11:00 at night,
and I can't get to sleep!
194
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:11,434
Well, then you could come over here
and help Daddy pour chemicals.
195
00:12:12,623 --> 00:12:13,762
Okay.
196
00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:21,366
Kids they always say
they're not tired
197
00:12:21,451 --> 00:12:23,403
when they're the most tired of all.
198
00:12:26,438 --> 00:12:27,618
That photo's mine.
199
00:12:27,982 --> 00:12:30,195
That photo's mine.
That photo's mine.
200
00:12:30,321 --> 00:12:32,392
Well, I do like the extra money.
201
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:33,896
But I think maybe you should stop
202
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:37,328
exploiting human beings'
private misfortunes.
203
00:12:37,553 --> 00:12:40,397
See, Marge everyone says
they hate these magazines,
204
00:12:40,524 --> 00:12:42,423
but it's impossible
to set them down.
205
00:12:42,549 --> 00:12:43,417
Oh, it is not.
206
00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:44,580
Watch me.
207
00:12:54,063 --> 00:12:56,336
Sideshow Mel is
in a custody battle?!
208
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,167
And it's turning bitter?
209
00:12:59,292 --> 00:13:01,051
If you read one more thing,
it is a purchase.
210
00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:04,062
Experts disagree on
location of Heaven?
211
00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:05,356
Purchase!
212
00:13:10,647 --> 00:13:12,186
Okay, this is the place.
213
00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:19,429
Did I attach the harness?!
214
00:13:19,896 --> 00:13:20,694
No!
215
00:13:22,776 --> 00:13:24,606
Should attach it for you?!
216
00:13:24,852 --> 00:13:27,885
If you don't mind...!
217
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:31,706
Thank you!
218
00:13:33,107 --> 00:13:36,282
Now to make a young woman's
wedding day all about me.
219
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:39,551
Do you, Rainier
220
00:13:39,648 --> 00:13:41,198
Luftwaffe Wolfcastle,
221
00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:43,787
take Maria Shriver-Kennedy-Quimby
222
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:47,637
- to be your lawful wedded...
- Up, up, and annoy!
223
00:13:47,752 --> 00:13:48,762
Yes!
224
00:13:50,159 --> 00:13:51,572
I also wreck bar mitzvahs!
225
00:13:53,219 --> 00:13:55,875
Is that horrible man gone yet?
226
00:13:56,071 --> 00:13:59,506
Yes, Mother, barring some sort
of pendulum effect.
227
00:14:01,749 --> 00:14:03,880
First Amendment rules,
privacy drools!
228
00:14:06,524 --> 00:14:08,925
Time to squash that shutterbug.
229
00:14:09,111 --> 00:14:10,973
You promised me one day
230
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,028
where you wouldn't
swear revenge on someone.
231
00:14:13,365 --> 00:14:15,114
Promise revoked.
232
00:14:16,805 --> 00:14:20,071
Greetings, famous faces
and sizzling stars.
233
00:14:22,163 --> 00:14:24,605
Thank you for responding
to my e-vite.
234
00:14:24,869 --> 00:14:27,744
Krusty, your response
was the least funny.
235
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,810
I'm a visual comedian.
236
00:14:29,884 --> 00:14:31,306
Did you get the j-peg?
237
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:32,901
- Wouldn't open.
- Oh!
238
00:14:33,094 --> 00:14:35,138
I wish to discuss
our mutual enemy,
239
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:36,109
Homer Simpson.
240
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,797
Now, do not worry.
241
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,810
In my film A Future Droid
in King Arthur's Court,
242
00:14:42,043 --> 00:14:44,114
I learned
that it takes a Robo Knight
243
00:14:44,241 --> 00:14:45,560
to defeat a Robo Knight.
244
00:14:46,589 --> 00:14:48,408
And to defeat a paparazzo,
245
00:14:48,585 --> 00:14:49,703
it takes this man!
246
00:14:52,998 --> 00:14:56,794
Let me introduce the world's
greatest celebrity shutterbug
247
00:14:57,049 --> 00:14:59,183
Enrico Irritazio.
248
00:14:59,337 --> 00:15:00,546
Buongiorno!
249
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:03,789
How are you gonna
help us, Beefaroni?
250
00:15:03,954 --> 00:15:05,443
Allow me to explain.
251
00:15:05,777 --> 00:15:08,912
I take embarrassing
pictures of Homer,
252
00:15:09,279 --> 00:15:12,864
harass him day and night.
Justice will be served,
253
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,353
and I will be a god in your eyes!
254
00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:18,876
See?
It is good.
255
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:20,639
I declare this meeting adjourned.
256
00:15:20,806 --> 00:15:22,265
Now please, take some sushi,
257
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,211
'cause if I give it to the dogs,
they will think,
258
00:15:24,325 --> 00:15:26,089
"Oh, now I get sushi all the time."
259
00:15:26,382 --> 00:15:29,570
And I am not made of sushi.
260
00:15:31,852 --> 00:15:33,580
Now, Maggie, I had
to use your car seat
261
00:15:33,697 --> 00:15:35,055
to hold the new TV Guide...
262
00:15:36,433 --> 00:15:38,326
so I'm gonna hang
you from the mirror.
263
00:15:48,521 --> 00:15:49,530
Smile!
264
00:15:51,272 --> 00:15:53,722
He's trying to make me
look like a bad father.
265
00:15:53,878 --> 00:15:54,916
Maggie, take the wheel!
266
00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:58,477
Ten and two, Einstein!
267
00:16:03,079 --> 00:16:05,071
Can't I even have privacy here?!
268
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,299
Scandalous!
Repugnant!
269
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,513
Ausgezeichnet!
270
00:16:18,639 --> 00:16:23,268
I shall make this photo
into my screensaver!
271
00:16:23,513 --> 00:16:24,392
Somehow.
272
00:16:24,677 --> 00:16:26,407
How could you publish this?
273
00:16:26,631 --> 00:16:27,872
I thought we were friends!
274
00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:29,357
I have no friends.
Friends take time.
275
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:30,861
And time is money,
and money pays for things,
276
00:16:30,986 --> 00:16:32,185
like a manicure
and a boiled egg.
277
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:33,761
Get me one of each,
but not boiled, poached.
278
00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:35,102
Ah, what the hell
it's Friday, scrambled!
279
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,133
Sometimes I wish I had a twin.
Not that much, though. We'd just fight.
280
00:16:38,711 --> 00:16:41,052
And then he said
he didn't want a twin
281
00:16:41,378 --> 00:16:42,959
because they'd just fight.
282
00:16:43,124 --> 00:16:46,822
Sweetie, maybe it's time
you retired from paparazzying.
283
00:16:46,928 --> 00:16:50,232
It's never fun to get a taste
of your own medicine.
284
00:16:50,447 --> 00:16:52,760
You're right.
I'm giving up photography...
285
00:16:52,865 --> 00:16:54,205
and my own medicine!
286
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:56,300
So long, anti-clotting agent!
287
00:16:57,210 --> 00:16:59,321
Clot, clot, clot, clot
clot, clot, clot, clot!
288
00:17:04,389 --> 00:17:06,123
With Homer Simpson
out of the way,
289
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:09,802
we can go back to our lives
of sybaritic excess.
290
00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:11,098
Stem cell fajita?
291
00:17:11,402 --> 00:17:12,301
Leave the tray.
292
00:17:22,687 --> 00:17:23,776
Listen to 'em.
293
00:17:24,052 --> 00:17:25,180
They're on top of the world
294
00:17:25,237 --> 00:17:27,970
while I'm sittin' here
pretending I have a stool.
295
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:30,998
All because of a bunch
of stuff that happened.
296
00:17:31,377 --> 00:17:34,822
Homer, don't be so quick
to abandon this paparazzo thing.
297
00:17:34,986 --> 00:17:37,508
Yeah, it's an American tradition
to cut people down to size
298
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:39,909
because they've brought
so much joy into our lives.
299
00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:42,755
You know who I can't stand?
That Robin Williams.
300
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:45,584
You know, one time I saw him
eating dinner with his children.
301
00:17:45,712 --> 00:17:47,088
He wouldn't take the time out
302
00:17:47,185 --> 00:17:49,246
to do all the funny bits
from his movies.
303
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:51,574
And my sister once saw
Burt Reynolds at an airport,
304
00:17:51,769 --> 00:17:53,729
and he wouldn't even
cosign her mortgage.
305
00:17:53,958 --> 00:17:56,469
You guys are right
I should get back in the game.
306
00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:58,434
Oh! But I threw away my camera.
307
00:17:58,641 --> 00:17:59,631
Oh, here, use this one.
308
00:17:59,755 --> 00:18:01,575
I was gonna use it
to take secret photos
309
00:18:01,661 --> 00:18:03,231
in the ladies'
toilet, but, uh,
310
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,957
no dames ever come in this joint.
311
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,712
- Thanks, Moe!
- Sure.
312
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,730
Excuse me, do you have
a ladies' room?
313
00:18:12,986 --> 00:18:15,009
We need to trade bras and panties.
314
00:18:15,814 --> 00:18:17,294
Oh, you got to be kidding me!
315
00:18:30,379 --> 00:18:31,750
You call this a drink?
316
00:18:32,066 --> 00:18:33,726
No, I never called it a drink.
317
00:18:35,286 --> 00:18:37,449
How do you want
your comeuppance
318
00:18:37,813 --> 00:18:40,941
eight by ten or wallet size?
319
00:18:41,214 --> 00:18:43,084
Celebrities, hide your shame!
320
00:19:04,278 --> 00:19:06,949
What are you going to
do with those photos?
321
00:19:08,390 --> 00:19:09,229
Nothing.
322
00:19:10,165 --> 00:19:12,669
Providing you celebrities
do something for me.
323
00:19:13,246 --> 00:19:15,649
I want you all to show some respect
324
00:19:15,764 --> 00:19:17,535
for the people
who made you what you are.
325
00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:19,230
Sign an autograph or two.
326
00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:20,793
Support a charity for something
327
00:19:20,851 --> 00:19:23,250
that hasn't happened
to a member of your family.
328
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:27,736
Let one of us regular guys write
a terrible children's book!
329
00:19:28,183 --> 00:19:29,643
We will take the deal.
330
00:19:30,060 --> 00:19:31,317
As a sign of good faith,
331
00:19:31,595 --> 00:19:32,884
I invite you and your family
332
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,251
to a barbecue on my
offshore party platform.
333
00:19:43,261 --> 00:19:46,654
It is good doing real things
with real people.
334
00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:49,563
Say, Rainier,
you're in show business.
335
00:19:49,801 --> 00:19:52,616
Would you mind taking a look
at this screenplay I wrote?
336
00:19:53,471 --> 00:19:57,950
Oh, sorry.
I do not read unsolicited manuscripts.
337
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,676
Well, at least it got made.