1 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:06,214 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,411 Marge, can't we get some clear plates? 3 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:39,497 I can't see the TV. 4 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,375 Is it really necessary to watch TV while we're eating? 5 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,294 We're getting food all over. 6 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,143 Yoink! 7 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,712 If you really wanted us to be neater 8 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,648 you'd serve us out of one long bowl. 9 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,234 You're talking about a trough. 10 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,612 We're not going to eat from a trough. 11 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:12,989 And another thing, it's only 5:15. 12 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,824 Why are you in your underwear? 13 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,493 Hey, this ain't the Ritz. 14 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:21,498 At least let's have a civilized conversation, shall we? 15 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,249 Lisa, how was school? 16 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,333 How was what? What? 17 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:25,502 School! School! 18 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,504 It's not time for school. 19 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,839 I know it's not... 20 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,925 I'm going into the dining room 21 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,510 to have a conversation. 22 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,638 Anyone who wants to join me is welcome. 23 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:40,892 Hello, Marge, how's the family? 24 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,227 I don't want to talk about it. 25 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,478 Mind your own business. 26 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,063 Keep it down in there, everybody. 27 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,691 Homer, is this the way you pictured married life? 28 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,401 Yeah, pretty much. 29 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,946 Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. 30 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,906 Well, I pictured cocktail parties 31 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,241 and candlelit dinners. 32 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,617 I pictured napkins! 33 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,994 Homer, I want to throw a dinner party. 34 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,080 Oh, I hate having parties. 35 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,957 The toilet always gets backed up. 36 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,126 I don't care if the sink shoots sludge. 37 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,585 We're having a party. 38 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:17,178 Man, that is flagrant false advertising! 39 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,977 It's just not a dinner party without a melon baller 40 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,979 and we'll need a citrus zester 41 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,313 a ravioli crimper. 42 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,858 Ooh, an oyster mallet. 43 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,277 "Made in U.S.A." 44 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,946 Oh, no, thank you. 45 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,865 Hey, Lis, check this out. 46 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,449 Nonstick coating. 47 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:48,501 A punchbowl like that just screams good taste. 48 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,420 Wouldn't it be perfect for the dinner party? 49 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,754 Oh, we can't afford that. 50 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,798 Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor? 51 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,593 Well, maybe we could use it once 52 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,094 and then return it. 53 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,721 Marge, we're not talking 54 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,723 about a toothbrush here. 55 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,603 Bart, company's coming. 56 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,730 Go put doilies under the coasters. Hurry! Hurry! 57 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,777 Lisa, quick, screw these back on. 58 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,112 Mom, calm down. 59 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,864 The party's not for another three hours. 60 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:18,865 Oh, good. 61 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,283 That will give me time 62 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,493 to add another coat of glaze to the ham. 63 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,181 Homer! 64 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,432 What?! 65 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,558 Are you ready?! 66 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,894 Just got to put my shoes on. 67 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,021 The only thing I asked you to do for this party 68 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,940 was put on clothes and you didn't do it. 69 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,400 And now it's too late! 70 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,902 They're here! 71 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,363 Bart, greet our guests and take their coats. 72 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,618 Mom, Reverend Lovejoy doesn't have a coat. 73 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:04,619 Should I let him in? 74 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:05,995 My coat was stolen 75 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,206 at last week's interfaith banquet 76 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,415 so I helped myself 77 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,376 to a few of the better umbrellas. 78 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,669 Well, as you can see 79 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,837 we don't believe fur is murder. 80 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,965 But paying for it sure is. 81 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,218 Uh, sorry we're late 82 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,637 but Luann had to put on her face. 83 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,722 She doesn't want anyone to know 84 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:25,807 she's got no eyebrows. 85 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,642 What? You don't. 86 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,984 Did anyone see that new Woodsy Allen movie? 87 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,819 You know, I'd like his films except for 88 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,502 that nervous fellow who's always in them. 89 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,240 If you want to talk nervous, you should have seen Kirk deal 90 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,617 with the high school boys who egged our Bonneville. 91 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,245 I should've asked them to hurl some bacon. 92 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,622 Then maybe I could've had a decent breakfast for once. 93 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,670 You know what you two need? 94 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,756 A little comic strip called "Love Is". 95 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,218 It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married. 96 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,016 Hmm, well... 97 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,851 Marge, if that was my last meal 98 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,438 I'd tell the warden, "Bring on the lethal injection". 99 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,815 Yeah, Marge, I know I haven't eaten that well 100 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,525 since I was in the army. 101 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:18,860 Or that noisily. 102 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,653 All right, that's it. 103 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,572 So, who wants to play a game? 104 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:28,911 Oh... That's a noodle scratcher. 105 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,496 Cornstarch! 106 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,956 Oh, righty-oh! 107 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,835 It's good for keeping down the urges. 108 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,505 Oh, come on, Luann. You know what this is. 109 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,758 Kirk, I don't know what it is. 110 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,720 Ah, it could not be more simple, Luann. 111 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,239 Do you want me to show this to the cat 112 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,057 and have the cat tell you what it is? 113 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,516 'Cause the cat's going to get it. 114 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,061 I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you, Kirk. 115 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,521 We didn't all go to Gudger college. 116 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:56,939 It's "Dignity!" Gahh! 117 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,276 Don't you even know dignity when you see it? 118 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,277 Kirk, you're spitting. 119 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,278 Okay, genius, 120 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,030 why don't you draw dignity? 121 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,113 Oh, that's dignity all right. 122 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,291 Worthy of Webster's. 123 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,335 It's no wonder I can't draw dignity. 124 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,170 I gave it up when I married her. 125 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,506 Now, Kirk, it's only a game. 126 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:22,965 Sometimes, we... 127 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,384 Aw, cram it, churchy! 128 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,345 Maybe we should all have a few drinks. 129 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,471 I'd have a drink, 130 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:29,889 but it might loosen my tongue. 131 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,475 You want to talk? Go ahead, Luann, talk. 132 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,976 Why don't you tell them 133 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,454 one of your little bedtime stories, huh? 134 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,230 Like the one about how rotten it is 135 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,773 to be married to a loser. 136 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,441 Or how about the one about 137 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,777 how I carry a change purse? 138 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,195 Yeah, a purse! 139 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,571 Shut up and let the woman talk. 140 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,116 Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story. 141 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,659 It's about a man whose father-in-law 142 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,328 gave him a sweet job as manager of a cracker factory. 143 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,329 Boring. 144 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,956 A man whose complete lack 145 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,999 of business sense and managerial impotence... 146 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,543 Ooh, here we go. 147 00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,962 ...sent the number-one cracker factory in town 148 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:04,006 into a tie for sixth with Tabletime and Allied Biscuit. 149 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,134 You want to hear a secret, everybody? 150 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,969 Luann loves it... Loves it... 151 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,720 When I fail. 152 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,390 Oh, yes, Kirk, I love having to borrow money from my sister. 153 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:15,810 I love having to steal clothes from the church donation box. 154 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,728 Oh, sweet Jesus. 155 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,774 Lisa, why don't you come sing for us? 156 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,151 You're a grand old flag... 157 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,194 Oh, great. You got the kid singing. 158 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,821 I hope you're happy now. 159 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,156 I am not happy 160 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,992 and I haven't been happy for a long time. 161 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,410 I want a divorce! 162 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,833 A... divorce? 163 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,836 Sure. Divorce. 164 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,921 Hey, you got it, toots 165 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:47,592 and here's a picture even you can figure out. 166 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,136 It's a door! Use it! 167 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,554 That's a door? 168 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,392 Hello, I'm Doctor Hibbert. 169 00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,480 I'm afraid I'm going to have to amputate your butt. 170 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,442 All right, if you think you must. 171 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,819 Come on, Milhouse, we are going. 172 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,738 Aw, can't I come home later? 173 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,132 There's not going to be a home later. 174 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,491 Oh, okay. 175 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:15,453 Ta-ta, I'm off to the beauty salon. 176 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,536 Good night. 177 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,872 Thanks for coming. 178 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,123 We'll see you. 179 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,458 Bye-bye. 180 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,835 Well, I think that went pretty well. 181 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,051 What? 182 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,598 I feel terrible. 183 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,476 The Van Houtens split up at our party. 184 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,644 Marge, please. 185 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:41,562 That was 20 minutes ago. 186 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,855 I shouldn't have served 187 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,690 those North Korean fortune cookies. 188 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,318 They were so insulting: "You are a coward." 189 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,904 No one likes to hear that after a nice meal. 190 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,989 You can't keep blaming yourself. 191 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,784 Just blame yourself once and move on. 192 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,161 You know who the real victim is in all of this... 193 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,412 Milhouse. 194 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:05,336 Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up. 195 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,214 Aren't you going to say, "Ha-ha"? 196 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,840 Oh, by no means. 197 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,342 My dad left my mom 198 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,262 after she got hooked on cough drops. 199 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,139 By the end, her breath was so fresh... 200 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,850 she wasn't really my mother anymore. 201 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,521 So I guess I'm not alone. 202 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,106 Ah, you'll do fine. 203 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,316 My divorce was tough on my kid 204 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,401 but he got over it. 205 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,528 I sleep in a drawer. 206 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,407 I dig the nightlife. 207 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,450 Got the boogie... 208 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,752 I must say, Luann, you're really 209 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,214 handling this splendidly. 210 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,259 From now on, forget everything you thought you knew 211 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,511 about Luann Van Houten. 212 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,795 Actually, Luann, I don't really 213 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:57,888 know anything about you. 214 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,640 Forget it. She's gone. 215 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,392 Presto-chango! 216 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,602 Kaboom! 217 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,312 Sweet Fanny Adams! 218 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,438 Bye-bye! 219 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,400 Singles life is great, homer. 220 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,402 I can do whatever I want. 221 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,779 Today I drank a beer in the bathroom. 222 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,197 The one down the hall. 223 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,325 Yeah. And another great thing: 224 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,743 You get your own bed. 225 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,579 I sleep in a racing car. Do you? 226 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,748 I sleep in a big bed with my wife. 227 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,750 Oh. Yeah. 228 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,005 Hey, there, Kirk. 229 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,923 Oh, boy, what's going on? 230 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:34,258 Patio party? 231 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,010 No. A possum drowned in the pool. 232 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,678 You have any garbage bags? 233 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,847 Uh, just throw it over the fence. 234 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,182 Let Arby's worry about it. 235 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,808 That's Jerry. 236 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,353 He's a major player down at the sewing store. 237 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:47,313 Well, thanks for introducing me. 238 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,439 Oh, don't worry, Homer. 239 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:49,857 You know me 240 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,985 and I'm a superstar at the cracker factory. 241 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,488 You're letting me go?! 242 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,115 Kirk, crackers are a family food. 243 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,659 Happy families. 244 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,703 Maybe single people eat crackers; We don't know. 245 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,997 Frankly, we don't want to know. 246 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,457 It's a market we could do without. 247 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,917 So that's it... After 20 years 248 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,251 so long, good luck? 249 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,670 I don't recall saying good luck. 250 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,593 And the winner of the Milhouse 500 is... 251 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,346 Milhouse! 252 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,681 Milhouse, are you sure 253 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,599 you want to drive that inside? 254 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,850 Yes. 255 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,769 Okay. Be careful, sweet, sweet treasure. 256 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,774 God, I missed you, Lu-Lu. 257 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,193 Chase... 258 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,612 It's only been three hours. 259 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,863 Who's Chase? 260 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,907 Oh. That's mom's new boyfriend. 261 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,827 Hey, I know you from American Gladiators. 262 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,120 You're Pyro! 263 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,788 Only on weekends. 264 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,331 During the week 265 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125 I'm just your average work-a-day stuntman. 266 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,208 Really? 267 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,503 Go ahead. Break a chair on me. 268 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,840 Wow! Thanks. 269 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,675 Okay, boys, I got to go. 270 00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,468 Come on, Lu-Lu, let's roll. 271 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,818 Ow! Gee. Ow! 272 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,695 What the hell is wrong with you?! 273 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,697 Geez, sor-ry. 274 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,699 It's a pretty standard stunt, Homer. 275 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,576 Homer, get ready! 276 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,702 For what? 277 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,495 Remember? Luann and Chase 278 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,914 are taking us out to hear Spalding Gray. 279 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,833 I don't want to go to that. 280 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,043 You said you'd do it as a favor to me. 281 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,880 That doesn't sound like something I'd say. 282 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,131 Fine. I'll go without you. 283 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,758 Okay. Love ya. 284 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,766 Homer, I want you to meet my new special lady. 285 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,059 Say hello to Starla. 286 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,522 Can I have the keys to the car, lover? 287 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,858 I feel like changing wigs. 288 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,486 Okay. 289 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:02,281 Starla's a temp at K-ZOG radio 530. 290 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,700 She's going to help me launch my singing career. 291 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,951 My car! 292 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,750 Oh, my demo tape! 293 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,338 "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" 294 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:22,384 "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" 295 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,222 That's your picture on the front. 296 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:27,973 Go ahead, Homer, laugh at me. 297 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,391 I already did. 298 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,537 You know why all this happened, don't you? 299 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,772 'Cause I took my marriage for granted. 300 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,357 You know, in 12 years 301 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,567 I never once helped out with the housework? 302 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,319 Oh, yeah, you got to do that. 303 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,363 I could've at least stayed in shape for her. 304 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,781 Oh, and for yourself. 305 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,491 I could've taken just a little time 306 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,660 to make her feel special. 307 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,995 It can't just be sex. It can't. 308 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,248 God, I was so self-centered. 309 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,999 No wonder I didn't see it coming. 310 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,876 That's how it is, though. 311 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,420 One day your wife is making you your favorite meal 312 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,756 the next day you're thawing a hot dog 313 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,550 in a gas station sink. 314 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,844 Oh, that's tough, pal. 315 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,804 But it's never going to happen to me. 316 00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,264 Well, how do you know? 317 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,474 What makes you guys so special? 318 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,101 'Cause Marge and I have one thing 319 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,853 that can never be broken: 320 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:19,024 A strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine. 321 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,901 Marge, I'm home. 322 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,069 Where are you? 323 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,029 Are you okay? 324 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,656 I don't smell dinner. 325 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,117 "Dear Homer..." 326 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,911 "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight. 327 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,038 "I left you hot dogs for dinner. 328 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,790 They're thawing in the sink." 329 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,678 Hi, Dad. 330 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,638 You know, there's buns in the cabinet. 331 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,890 Lisa, wait. 332 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,474 I know you're only eight years old 333 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,411 and I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you 334 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,478 but you've got to save my marriage. 335 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,899 Oh. Okay. Can I stay up? 336 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,400 Mmm... all right. 337 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,696 As you know, there's been 338 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,573 a lot of talk about divorce lately 339 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,284 and I think your mom might not be happy with me. 340 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,207 You've done a lot of crazy stuff over the years 341 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,329 and she stood by you. 342 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,122 Why would she leave you now? 343 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,666 'Cause there's lots of stuff she doesn't know about. 344 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,752 You mean, like your poker shack out in the swamp? 345 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:21,879 She knows. 346 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,380 Oh, I knew this would happen. 347 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,342 Our whole marriage started off on the wrong foot. 348 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,511 Dearly beloved, we are gathered 349 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,764 in the sight of God and this casino to join... 350 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:32,765 Homer. 351 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,516 - And... - Marge. 352 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,101 In holy matrimony. 353 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,395 By the power vested in me by the state gaming commission 354 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,356 I pronounce you man and wife. 355 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,666 Here's ten dollars worth of chips. 356 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,359 You may kiss the bride. 357 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,575 See? 358 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,410 You don't have to spend a lot of money 359 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,579 to have a first-class wedding reception. 360 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,959 It's getting less and less likely 361 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,211 you're going to yell "Surprise" 362 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,129 and have all my friends jump out. 363 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631 "Levi's." 364 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:08,050 Hey, you think that truck is full of jeans? 365 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,555 You're very lucky to have mom. 366 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,520 That's your advice? Go to bed. 367 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,442 Good morning. 368 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,819 You know, Marge, I was thinking 369 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,571 about how much I enjoy your interests 370 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,948 so I wandered over 371 00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:33,200 to that theater you went to last night 372 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:36,161 and I bought tickets to their entire season. 373 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,456 Look, Mostly Madrigal. 374 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,834 Hey, that might be good. 375 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:45,004 Oh, oh, An Evening with Philip Glass. 376 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,463 Just an evening? 377 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:51,510 Voices of the Elderly Poor. Hmm... 378 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,222 Homey, I appreciate this 379 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,850 but I'd really like to get some sleep. 380 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,393 Oh, of course, my sweet. 381 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,062 I'll just make some soothing ocean sounds for you. 382 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,785 Arr, matey. 383 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,465 Armando, don't you think you're taking a lot off... 384 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,342 Homer, what are you doing? 385 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,804 I wanted to surprise you with a kicky summer do. 386 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,768 How many husbands would do that for their wives? 387 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,059 None... They'd have more sense than that. 388 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,311 Ooh... you're feisty. 389 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,396 I'm going to give you a Madonna cut. 390 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,773 Mmm! Homer 391 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,525 I don't need you around me 24 hours a day. 392 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,526 I'm a grown woman. 393 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,445 I can take care of myself. 394 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,031 Now will you please just go away? 395 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,703 Oh... I just made things worse. 396 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,997 A few clumsy gestures aren't going to make up 397 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,582 for ten years of neglect. 398 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:07,628 Marge deserves someone who will treat her right. 399 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,047 Marge deserves a fresh start. 400 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,595 I'd like to file for... 401 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,055 divorce. 402 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,060 These things happen. Eight dollars. 403 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,687 Only three cavities, Bart. 404 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,397 Your best checkup ever. 405 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,399 I'm going to make you my specialty... 406 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,567 Butterscotch chicken. 407 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:31,777 Marge? 408 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,529 Can you come in here? 409 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,531 We need to talk. 410 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,664 Surprise! 411 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:47,792 Surprise. 412 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,131 Marge, will you marry me? 413 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,174 Why, am I pregnant? 414 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,342 No. 415 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,678 It's a second wedding, honey. 416 00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,639 Our first one was so crummy, I had to make it up to you. 417 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,724 I really love you. 418 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,601 Oh, Homey. 419 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:06,103 I know you love me. 420 00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,896 We don't need to get married again. 421 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,189 Yes, we do. 422 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,150 I got us a divorce this afternoon. 423 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,609 What?! 424 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,570 I didn't want a hokey second wedding 425 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,446 like those ones on TV. 426 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,739 This one is for real. 427 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,616 I want our marriage to be perfect 428 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,909 right from the start 429 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,287 so we don't end up like Kirk and Luann. 430 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,122 We never will. 431 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,001 Dearly beloved... 432 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,502 Wait. 433 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,172 I want one last chance to enjoy single life. 434 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:36,633 Okay, ready. 435 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,634 I will now 436 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,636 read these special vows 437 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,098 which Homer has prepared for this occasion. 438 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,850 "Do you, Marge, take Homer 439 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,770 in richness and in poorness," "Poorness" is underlined... 440 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,024 "In impotence and in potence. 441 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,650 "In quiet solitude. 442 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,403 "Or blasting across the Alkali Flats 443 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,406 in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated..." 444 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:00,741 And it goes on like this. 445 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,451 It doesn't matter. 446 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,203 All I want to know is 447 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,623 will you make me the luckiest guy in the world... 448 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,957 again? 449 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,959 I will. 450 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,379 Oh, Homey, of course I will. 451 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,423 Come on, you stupid... 452 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,010 By the power vested in me 453 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:23,555 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 454 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,686 It's the most perfect wedding 455 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,480 I could ever ask for. 456 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,066 You've even got a hip rock 'n' roll combo. 457 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,860 Okay, everybody, who likes the Doobie Brothers? 458 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,446 'Cause we've got one of them. 459 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,245 What a wonderful evening. 460 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:50,249 A magical way for two people to renew their love. 461 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,252 Marge is right. 462 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,463 I-I've got something I'd like to say. 463 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,590 Would you guys do a favor for a guy in love? 464 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,841 - Sure. - Yeah. 465 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,677 That's why we're here. 466 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,011 Hi, everybody. 467 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,263 Hi. 468 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,931 And hit it! 469 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:17,442 Can I borrow a feeling? 470 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:21,530 Could you lend me a jar of love? 471 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:25,325 Hurtin' hearts need some healing. 472 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:30,205 Take my hand with your glove of love. 473 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,670 How about it, Luann? 474 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,714 Will you marry me... again? 475 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,173 Ooh, no. 476 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,592 Well... 477 00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,553 Uh, can I have my shirts back, at least? 478 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,054 Okay, you heard the lady. 479 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,657 Why don't you take it outside, all right? 480 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,183 Uh, I'll be back. 481 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,312 Prob-probably. 482 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:46,573 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.