1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,548
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,243
Oh, look.

3
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:39,539
This is a perfect chance to get you kids
some nice church shoes.

4
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:44,461
What do we need church shoes for?
Jesus wore sandals.

5
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,881
Well, maybe if he had better arch support,
they wouldn't have caught him.

6
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,966
Look, Homer!

7
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,843
There's that bird you like to argue with.

8
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:55,096
Well, well, well, if it isn't
Professor Know-it-all.

9
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,431
Excuse me, Marge.

10
00:00:57,348 --> 00:01:00,560
They need a good, stiff,
all-purpose dress shoe.

11
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Something for church,

12
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,981
but also for doctor's appointments,
dental checkups,

13
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,233
piano recitals, building dedications,

14
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:11,488
visiting elderly relatives,
haircuts and shoe shopping.

15
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,658
Well, we have a brown shoe.

16
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,870
Did you hear that, kids? Brown.

17
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:22,999
Oh, rats. Talk about bad luck.

18
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:27,003
I forgot to wear socks today.
Guess I can't try those on.

19
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:30,548
Yeah, no problem.
You can wear the store sock.

20
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,096
Would you mind
lacing 'em up, kid?

21
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,388
I have a bad back.

22
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,952
Hey, if you didn't want to tie shoes,

23
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,725
you shouldn't have become a shoe salesman.

24
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,564
That's where you're wrong, pal.

25
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,900
It's not enough to want a cracker.

26
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,735
You have to earn it.

27
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,909
Mom, these are at least two sizes too big.

28
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,828
Perfect, you'll grow into them.

29
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:00,787
When?

30
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,706
Oh, you're both way overdue for a spurt.

31
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,336
Excuse me, ma'am. Do you like to laugh?

32
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:11,673
Oh, yes.

33
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As long as it's tasteful.

34
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,427
And never at someone, or with, and not...

35
00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:20,431
- Excuse me, sir. Do you like to laugh?
- Why, yes. Yes, I do.

36
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:24,727
Well, then you'll love our
comedy festival. It's for a good cause.

37
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:28,356
- A rest home for pirates?
- No, Dad. It's to fight soil erosion.

38
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,525
Now, that's a fight I wanna be a part of.

39
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,778
Hey, somebody screwed up bad.

40
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,072
You've got all these big comics
lined up for your show,

41
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,490
but there's no Krusty.

42
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,160
- Who?
- Krusty the Clown.

43
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,663
Funniest man alive, prince of pies,

44
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:47,500
- the sultan of seltzer?
- Excuse me, sir. Do you like to laugh?

45
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,837
Well, only if something
tickles me just right.

46
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:05,018
Yeah, excuse me.
I'm looking for someone named.

47
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,270
"Jay Leno."

48
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,857
- Somebody wanna get this kid a TV?
- Whoa, gee, thanks, mister.

49
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,818
Yeah, just joking. I-I'm Jay Leno.

50
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,505
- So what can I do for you, huh?
- Well, if you're running the show,

51
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,489
how could you leave out Krusty the Clown?

52
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:22,410
Ah, Krusty the Clown? That takes me back.

53
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:26,289
- Didn't he die in a grease fire?
- No, he's alive.

54
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,666
And he is so funny, you could plotz.

55
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,350
At least according to his press release.

56
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:34,422
Well, if he's half as alive
as you say he is, he's in.

57
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,509
Uh, charity, eh? What's my cut?

58
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:42,055
Nothing? I make more than that
takin' a "schwitz."

59
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,563
Hey, hey, happy birthday!

60
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,648
Now get him out of here.

61
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,942
He seems reluctant.

62
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,105
Tell him it will count
towards his community service.

63
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,823
All right, I'll do it.

64
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:05,161
Boy, swipe one pair
of Haggar slacks,

65
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,413
and you're payin' for it
the rest of your life.

66
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:14,295
I finally got around
to reading the dictionary.

67
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,256
It turns out the zebra did it.

68
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,094
- I don't get it.
- Dad, the zebra didn't do it.

69
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,388
It's just a word
at the end of the dictionary.

70
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:24,764
I still don't get it.

71
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:29,477
- It's just a joke.
- Oh, I get it! I get jokes.

72
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,818
Hey, hey, it's Krusty the Clown.

73
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,112
Hey, hey! Uh...

74
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,322
It's you, right?

75
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,702
And this guy, uh,
with all the jokes he does.

76
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,121
You're the reason I went into comedy.

77
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,498
If it weren't for you, I'd be a doctor.

78
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,834
Yeah, yeah, right. Thanks.

79
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,586
I got my period today.

80
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,631
Oh, good Lord.

81
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,925
Plus, I got this new boyfriend.

82
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,636
You know how it is when you're kissing
a guy with a tongue stud.

83
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,642
Yes! Yeah! Oh, God, yes.

84
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,269
It's time for something special.

85
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,187
The man Spencer Tracy called

86
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,482
"the most promising newcomer of 1959."

87
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,360
Please put your hands together
for Krusty the Clown.

88
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:23,531
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, Krusty!

89
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:27,160
Hey, hey.

90
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,078
So...

91
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,997
How about those TV dinners, huh?

92
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,249
I tried one the other day.

93
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,336
When lightning strikes,
the peach cobbler goes out.

94
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,214
Cobbler.

95
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,675
The other thing about TV dinners,

96
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:46,012
you don't have leftovers, you have reruns.

97
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,019
TV dinner jokes? Ooh!

98
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:56,022
Take that, Swansons.

99
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,191
Didn't like that one, huh? Well...

100
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,986
"Me so solly. Ah, so."

101
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,157
What's he gonna do next,
the flapping dickey?

102
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,829
Uh-oh, I'm losin' 'em.
Time for the "A" material.

103
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,206
Hey, hey!

104
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,546
"Ah, so. Ah, so.
Me-a like-a the flied lice.

105
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,091
Me flap-a dickey rong time."

106
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,687
Hey, Krusty, great set.

107
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,065
Are you kidding? I stunk up the joint.

108
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,401
No, no. I was talking to Lisa back there.

109
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,486
We both agreed. You killed.

110
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,947
Really? Lisa, huh?

111
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,282
Sure, there were a lot of laughs.

112
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:51,160
You probably couldn't hear 'em.
The acoustics were so bad.

113
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,246
Yeah, the acoustics. That's what it was.

114
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:56,124
I mean, "Me so solly."

115
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,253
Yeah, I was great.

116
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,548
Did you get a load of "Corpsey" the Clown?

117
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,509
That guy
cheapens our whole profession.

118
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,678
What do you think of him, Internet Comic?

119
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,350
Guys, keep it down.

120
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,523
- Five minutes, Krusty.
- Oh, I ain't going back out there.

121
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,942
No, five minutes
to get your stuff and get out.

122
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,621
Where is that stinkin' monkey?

123
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,292
It's about time. Give me those reviews.

124
00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,586
"Last night's comedy benefit

125
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,671
delivered wall-to-wall laughs
without exception."

126
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:49,343
"The only exception was the embarrassingly
dated humor...

127
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,096
of Springfield's
green-haired, red-nosed hack... ".

128
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:56,017
Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Krusty the Clown." No!

129
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,979
They say any publicity is good publicity.

130
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,273
You, sir, are an idiot.

131
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:06,194
Aw, that's your answer to everything!

132
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:10,531
Look at my life.
I'm talking to a monkey and a...

133
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,825
I don't know what the hell you are.

134
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,911
You can be so cruel when you're sober.

135
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,329
Well, I'll fix that.

136
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:19,207
I'm goin' on the bender
to end all benders.

137
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,618
What did he say, Lisa?
What did he say?

138
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,454
He said there's no shame
in their forbidden love.

139
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,165
Oh, Diego's not gonna like that.

140
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:11,259
"Take me here,
under the disco ball."

141
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,390
Beep, beep. Clear the couch.
It's Krusty time.

142
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,851
And now, here's Krusty.

143
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,776
Hey, hey. I'm Kent Brockman the clown,

144
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:32,363
filling in for Krusty the Clown
who didn't come in today.

145
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:34,574
He is presumed dead or on vacation.

146
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,284
Today's top joke.

147
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:41,414
It seems a local moron
threw his clock out the window.

148
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,125
We'll tell you why right after this.

149
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,794
Oh, this sucks. I am out of here.

150
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:58,347
Wow, a clown. Do you think he's evil?

151
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,433
He smells evil.

152
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,019
Should we tell Daddy?

153
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,271
No, let's poke him a little while longer.

154
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,273
Hey, get away from him, you little freaks.

155
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:15,615
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

156
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,370
Oh, it hurts to talk.

157
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,998
We'll have to work out a system of blinks.

158
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,793
Not you, you imbecile.

159
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,213
Oh, pew, what were you drinking, gasoline?

160
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,343
Yes, I was drinking gasoline, Mother.

161
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:45,811
- Uh, Krusty.
- Hang on, kid. I got a tack in my head.

162
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,357
That's one of your posters.
I got all the Krusty stuff.

163
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,236
Man, look at all the crap
with my face on it.

164
00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,034
"Krusty's Personal Swabs"?
What was I thinking?

165
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:02,828
All these years, I should've
been working on my act,

166
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,914
but I was too busy selling out.

167
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:08,376
Now I'm just a tired old hack.

168
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,967
Ah, that burns! What the hell
is on those things?

169
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,970
- Here. Quick, use my Krusty Eye Wash.
- No, not on your life.

170
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,099
Thanks for coming, Jay.
Krusty really needs help.

171
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,142
Oh, no question.

172
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,894
I gotta freshen up my act.

173
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:31,232
Jay, you're a professional
comedian, right? Right?

174
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,318
- Answer me!
- Yes! Now stop squirming.

175
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,842
I'm trying to get these tangles out.

176
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:38,072
Oh, they are just impossible.

177
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,327
Well, they are. Anyway, don't you have
some advice for Krusty?

178
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,831
Well, these days, people like
observational humor,

179
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,291
about things they deal with
in everyday life.

180
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,753
Oh, yeah. You mean like when
your lazy butler washes your sock garters

181
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,714
and they're still covered with schmutz?

182
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:58,426
Well, kind of, but more universal.

183
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,553
And maybe lose the "Me so solly" bit.

184
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,180
Hey, whoa, whoa. Let's not tamper
with the classic.

185
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:07,059
Shut up, kid. Come on, Leno.
Tamper, teach, impart.

186
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,231
- Dad!
- Whoops! Sorry, Son.

187
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:15,484
I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey
were bathing a clown.

188
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:19,155
Well, they are, so make
with the loofah or get out.

189
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,032
And then of course, there's Mom,

190
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,452
who sounds something like this.

191
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:30,249
"Eat your vegetables. Take a sweater.

192
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,086
I don't think that's a good idea. Hmm."

193
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,964
Take that, Marge.

194
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,551
Thank you, thank you.

195
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:44,764
And now, the all-new comedy stylings of...

196
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:48,476
Krusty the Clown!

197
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,729
Oh, Krusty!

198
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:55,107
Wait. Where's my water?
Oh, there it is. All right.

199
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,191
Hello.

200
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,736
I'm a real person. And as a real person,

201
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:02,072
I've made some humorous observations
about real life.

202
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:06,160
For example, have you ever noticed
how there are two phone books,

203
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,788
a white one and a yellow one?

204
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,915
Like,
what's the deal with that?

205
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,459
One's residential, the other is business.

206
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,213
Oh, well, that makes sense.

207
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,299
What will they think of next, blue pages?

208
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:23,302
They have those.
They're government listings.

209
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:24,470
I see.

210
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,892
Uh, what about two-cent stamps?

211
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,186
Pizza pie is very hot these days.

212
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:36,357
Can't open pickle jars. No mail on Sunday.
Out of paper towels.

213
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,153
What's the deal with cardboard?

214
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,364
All right, let's just
move on to Notebook 2.

215
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,658
- I've really gotta get dinner started.
- Me too.

216
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,910
I also have to go. Boo!

217
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,038
Krusty, the acoustics in here...

218
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:52,414
I appreciate the effort, kid.

219
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,667
But there's only one thing
left for me to do.

220
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:00,214
Thank you for coming.

221
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,885
"Smart lads who slip at times away.

222
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,513
From fields where glory will not stay.

223
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,391
Runners whom the race outran

224
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,518
and the name died before the man."

225
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:13,936
Krusty, does this have a point?

226
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,939
Yes. I'm quitting show business.

227
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:21,235
I was just trying to go out
with a little class, you jackass.

228
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,446
But, Krusty, why now?
Why not 20 years ago?

229
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,866
'Cause comedy ain't funny anymore.

230
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:30,995
Instead of time-tested jokes
about women drivers and doctor bills,

231
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,330
you got some big-chin schlub

232
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:36,750
reading typos from the Palookaville Post.

233
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,837
Well, here's a headline
for you. Nobody cares.

234
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,967
Hey, I washed your hair.

235
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,011
These comics today.

236
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,555
"Ooh, look at me. I can't set my VCR.

237
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,724
I can't open a bag of airline peanuts.

238
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,475
I'm a freakin' moron."

239
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,522
Krusty's gone nuts.

240
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,942
Then you got these lady comics
talking about stuff

241
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,278
that would embarrass Redd Foxx.

242
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,988
God rest his smutty soul.

243
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:09,491
Who they slept with.
What time they sit on the can?

244
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,078
This is supposed to get you a husband?

245
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,831
What the hell are you laughin' at?
I'm just tellin' the truth.

246
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,667
- And it's funny.
- It is?

247
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:23,172
In that case, I'm proud to announce
my triumphant return to comedy.

248
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,643
- "Four drink minimum"?
- I'll cover you, honey.

249
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:39,188
Hi, how you folks doing? I'm Moe.

250
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,523
Or, as the ladies like to call me,

251
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,359
"Hey, you, behind the bushes."

252
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,739
- Is this thing on?
- No. Sorry, Moe.

253
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,494
And now, without further Apu.

254
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:56,205
I have been zinged and I love it.

255
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,207
The last angry clown,

256
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,502
the man who spews truth
from every orifice,

257
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:04,338
ladies and gentlemen, Krusty.

258
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,342
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

259
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,931
So I'm watchin' TV today...

260
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,975
Whoo! TV, yeah!

261
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:20,479
All I keep seein' is dead celebrities
hawkin' products.

262
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:24,066
The got poor Vincent Price floatin' around
on a toilet cake

263
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,861
tellin' me about "the horrors
of an 'unfresh' bowl."

264
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:33,325
And I tell you somethin' else,
I do not believe Winston Churchill

265
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,327
would eat at Der Wienerschnitzel.

266
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:42,459
There's nothin' those
Madison Avenue grave robbers won't do

267
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,337
to get us to buy their crap.

268
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,798
Impeach Churchill!

269
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,717
Well, here's one dollar

270
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,094
those crooks aren't
gonna get their hands on.

271
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,848
Uh, isn't that illegal?

272
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:59,685
I don't care if it is illegal.
I'm makin' a stand here. Who's with me?

273
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,187
I am! I worked like a dog for this.

274
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:05,816
- Yeah!
- Me too.

275
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:09,111
Oh, you're burning it all wrong, Seymour.

276
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:12,281
It's my allowance, Mother,
and I'll burn it the way I want.

277
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,242
Take that, you greedy fat cats.

278
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,287
- Marge, give me your purse.
- Here's $42. That's everything I have.

279
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,956
- Run home and bury it in the yard.
- I love you, Mom.

280
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,131
Wow, they're hanging on his every word.

281
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,342
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- I hope so.

282
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,096
I thought I made myself clear in Boston.

283
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,893
From now on

284
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,520
I'm gonna be just like Krusty
and tell it like it is.

285
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,106
Marge, you're getting a little fat
around the old thighs.

286
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,691
- Dad!
- You too, Bart.

287
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:51,403
Oh, knock it off, Homer.
You're the fattest one in the car.

288
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,781
You didn't have to
tell it like it is, Marge.

289
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:02,414
I'm proud of you, Krusty. Oh, sure,
I've got material success,

290
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,876
my own show, acres of cars,
a nice microwave oven.

291
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,586
But you're out there on the edge.

292
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,797
You're doin' it for the sheer thrill.

293
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:13,842
And if I wasn't so afraid of clowns,
I'd give you a big hug.

294
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,137
Hey, excuse me, Krusty.
We've been watching you at Moe's all week.

295
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,681
And your credibility is just wow.

296
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,308
Get to the point, Armani.

297
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,036
Well, we think you'd be
the perfect spokesman

298
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:26,021
for our company's
new sports utility vehicle, the Canyonero.

299
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,565
I guess you Wall Street weasels
didn't get the word.

300
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:30,192
Krusty's not for sale.

301
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,070
But you endorse everything. In fact,
this endorsement contract

302
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,947
comes from your line of legal forms.

303
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,865
It's a quality form.

304
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,450
But those days are behind me.

305
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,244
I don't shill for nobody no more.

306
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:43,789
Are you sure? 'Cause we're prepared
to offer you

307
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:46,458
a free, fully-loaded Canyonero.

308
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,796
Oh, well.

309
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,634
No! Take your corporate blood wagon
and get the hell out.

310
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:57,344
Are you sure? It's free.

311
00:18:58,262 --> 00:18:59,680
Stop saying that!

312
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,521
I brought a bag of money
in case he wants us to burn it again.

313
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,273
I hope he tells us to burn our pants.

314
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,983
These things are driving me nuts.

315
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,528
So this afternoon, two suits come up to me

316
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:18,073
and ask me to endorse some new
sports utility vehicle.

317
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,367
What did you do?

318
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,994
Don't you hate pants?

319
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,830
I threw those two creeps out
on their ass.

320
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,377
Then they followed me home,

321
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,838
beggin' me to take a test drive.

322
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:36,175
And let me tell you, talk about roomy.

323
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:41,138
The Canyonero combines the smooth handling
of a European sports car

324
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,765
with the rugged drivability
of a sturdy 4x4.

325
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,727
Hey, Krusty, what are you talking about?

326
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,896
I thought you said those guys were creeps.

327
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,648
Yeah, but that was
before I got to know 'em.

328
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:56,862
And I'm tellin' you, the Canyonero
is the Cadillac of automobiles.

329
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,447
That's Canyonero.

330
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,496
Wait! Where you going?
I still got plenty of beefs.

331
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:09,416
Fat-free yogurt. The... The quality
of computer porn.

332
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,280
I knew I should've gone on first.

333
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:19,218
I don't get it, Krusty.
You said you would never be a shill again.

334
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,846
Eh. I learned something
about myself tonight, kid.

335
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:27,309
It ain't comedy that's in my blood.
It's selling out.

336
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,770
Come on, I'll give you a ride home.

337
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,650
Wow. This is roomy.

338
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,573
Can you name the truck
with four-wheel drive?

339
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,742
Smells like a steak, and seats 35.

340
00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:44,825
Canyonero.

341
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,120
Canyonero.

342
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,749
Well, it goes real slow
with the hammer down.

343
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,085
It's the country-fried truck
endorsed by a clown.

344
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:54,586
Canyonero.

345
00:20:57,005 --> 00:21:00,717
Canyonero.

346
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,344
Hey, hey!

347
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,446
The Federal Highway Commission

348
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,431
has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway
or city driving.

349
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,642
Canyonero.

350
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,943
Twelve yards long and two lanes wide.

351
00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:20,112
Sixty-five tons of American pride.

352
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,196
Canyonero.

353
00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:23,824
Canyonero.

354
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,536
Top of the line in utility sports.

355
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,538
Unexplained fires
are a matter for the court.

356
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,872
Canyonero.

357
00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,125
Canyonero.

358
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,880
She blinds everybody
with her super high beam.

359
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,341
She's a squirrel-squashin'
deer-smackin' drivin' machine.

360
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:42,759
Canyonero.

361
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:48,473
Canyonero!

362
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:53,061
Canyonero!

363
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,605
Whoa, Canyonero!

364
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,982
Whoa!

365
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,822
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