1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,172
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,781
You sure look stupid
in that green dress, Lis.

3
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,868
That's funny.
I don't feel stupid.

4
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:40,999
Hey, everybody's
wearing green.

5
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,709
Oh, no.

6
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,044
Pinch! Pinch!
Pinch!

7
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,504
Happy St. Patrick's day, loser.

8
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,256
Ow! Quit it!

9
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,133
It's the wearin'
of the green, Bart.

10
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,509
Pinch! Pinch! Pinch!

11
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,386
No one's pinching his legs.

12
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,804
Pinch! Pinch! Pinch!

13
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,186
It's been St. Patrick's Day
for hours,

14
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,855
and I'm still not drunk yet.

15
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,775
Oh, it's never
gonna be 9:00.

16
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,985
Moe! Thank God,
you're here.

17
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,904
We'd like to come in
and drink, please.

18
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,405
We kicked down
the back door

19
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,632
but then,
there was a metal door.

20
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,116
Yeah, all right, listen up.

21
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,660
This is the busiest
drinking day of the year.

22
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,329
Where are
the designated drivers?

23
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,623
Beat it.
I got no room for cheapskates.

24
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,670
Top o' the morning to ye
on this gray, drizzly afternoon.

25
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,131
Kent O'Brockman
live on Main Street

26
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,467
where today, everyone
is a little bit Irish,

27
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,720
except, of course,
for the gays and the Italians.

28
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,389
All right, then, move along.

29
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,682
Nothing to see here.

30
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,142
Show's over, folks.

31
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,937
Parades just bring out
so many emotions in me...

32
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,481
Joy, excitement, looking...

33
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,067
Mom, can I go buy one
of those long, plastic horns?

34
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,902
Oh, Bart, we've bought
those before,

35
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,463
and you always just
throw them out the car window

36
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,488
on the ride home.

37
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,115
I get bored with them.

38
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,033
But that won't happen
this time.

39
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:03,039
Beep! Beep! Coming through!

40
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,874
Hey, Notre Dame,
move it or lose it.

41
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,919
Will the owner
of the great big butt

42
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,295
please move it out of my face?

43
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,091
Hey, Ma, I'm on TV.

44
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,592
Hey, where's that
weather chick?

45
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,177
This is some
wicked party, huh?

46
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,054
Hey, have you seen Sully?

47
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,055
Get away from there.

48
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,598
Hey! I need that pencil!

49
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,100
Ladies and gentlemen,

50
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:24,018
what you're seeing
is a total disregard

51
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,604
for the things
St. Patrick's Day stands for.

52
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,107
All this drinking, violence,
destruction of property...

53
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,550
Are these the things we think of
when we think of the Irish?

54
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,456
Hey, give me some room.

55
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,667
Watch your elbow, Seamus.

56
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,836
Hey, look, everybody,
free beer.

57
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,799
Open your yaps, boyos.

58
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:01,972
Hey, what the...

59
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,145
Everybody...

60
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,480
everybody get naked.

61
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,107
Come on,
don't be stuck-up.

62
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,692
It's going to be great.

63
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,444
Well, why not?

64
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,989
This party's
just getting started!

65
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,324
Stop the celebration.

66
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,159
That small boy is drunk.

67
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:26,664
That's not right.

68
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,748
Look at that.

69
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,418
Yay, Bart!

70
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,301
Look at me.

71
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,720
I'm the prime minister
of Ireland.

72
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,933
Hey, Homer,
ain't that your kid on TV?

73
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,189
What are you looking at?

74
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,277
"What are you looking at?"

75
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,988
The innocent words
of a drunken child.

76
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,324
Well, I'll tell you what
we're looking at, young man...

77
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,159
A town gone mad...

78
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,328
a town whose very conscience
was washed away

79
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,747
in a tide of beer
and green vomit.

80
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,707
I'm going down to Moe's
for a couple of beers.

81
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,418
- I'll come with you.
- No! No more drinking.

82
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,088
I'm tired of looking
like the world's worst mother.

83
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,175
Oh, honey, you're not
the world's worst mother.

84
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,010
What about that
freezer lady in Georgia?

85
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,180
But what's the solution?

86
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,975
Are we so bereft of ideas
that we must revive

87
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,978
the antiquated notion
of prohibition?

88
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,729
Channel six says yes.

89
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,481
Prohibition. Pfft!

90
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,691
They tried
that in the movies

91
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,692
and it didn't work.

92
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,443
I predict
this is the last

93
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,779
we'll be hearing
about prohibition.

94
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,656
We want prohibition!

95
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,533
We want prohibition!

96
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,660
You can't seriously
want to ban alcohol.

97
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:49,038
It tastes great, makes women
appear more attractive,

98
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,583
and makes a person virtually
invulnerable to criticism.

99
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:57,171
Oh, won't somebody please
think of the children?

100
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,007
What kind of an example
are we setting?

101
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,301
Ladies, please.
All our founding fathers,

102
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,428
astronauts
and world series heroes

103
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,596
have been either drunk
or on cocaine.

104
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,265
Uh, uh, oh, oh, wait.

105
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:08,348
Lookee here.

106
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,394
Seems there's been
a prohibition law

107
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:15,189
on the books in Springfield
for 200 years.

108
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,816
It's just never been enforced.

109
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,235
Get out of here,
old clerk guy.

110
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,989
There's also a law requiring
ducks to wear long pants.

111
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,741
Wait a minute,
let me see that.

112
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,744
Well, I'll be darned...
Long pants.

113
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,288
Read the other one,
the non-duck one.

114
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:33,791
"...and spirituous beverages
are hereby prohibited

115
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,711
under penalty of catapult."

116
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,388
Did you see this, Bernice?

117
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,390
Eh... Oh, my.

118
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,617
No, we're not worried.

119
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,703
Our customers buy Duff
for its robust taste,

120
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,622
not its alcoholic content.

121
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:16,042
I predict our new
alcohol-free Duff Zero

122
00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:18,294
will sell even better
than our previous brand.

123
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,715
Oh, yeah.

124
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,347
Well, that's the end of me.

125
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,402
Dateline: Springfield.

126
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,736
With prohibition
back in force

127
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,530
sobriety's peaceful slumber

128
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,907
was shattered by its noisy
neighbor, the speakeasy.

129
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,243
Glad you're finally back
in business, Moe.

130
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:52,578
Yeah, that was
a scary couple of hours.

131
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,972
The suppliers
of the illegal booze?

132
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,623
Gangsters
running truckloads

133
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,583
of smuggled hooch
all the way from Shelbyville

134
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,502
and John Law was helpless.

135
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:02,380
You didn't
see nothing.

136
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,257
I don't know why
people are always

137
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,340
bad-mouthing the mafia.

138
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:18,603
Wa-hoo!

139
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,398
So!

140
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:23,526
Ah, geez.
This looks bad.

141
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,319
Better turn
on the old Wiggum charm.

142
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,201
Pervert!

143
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,370
Oh, boy, that sounded bad.

144
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,414
We demand you bring in
a police chief

145
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,416
who will enforce
the prohibition law.

146
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:39,667
Demand?

147
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:40,936
Who are you
to demand anything?

148
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,462
I run this town.

149
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,465
You're just a bunch
of low-income nobodies.

150
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,425
Election in November.
Election in November.

151
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,551
What, again?!

152
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,803
This stupid country.

153
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,767
With rum-running hoodlums
in the catbird's seat,

154
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,599
Springfield sent
for the one man

155
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,702
who could clean up the town
and shoot the gangsters...

156
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,060
Rex Banner.

157
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,791
Hey, I was watching that
and I was sitting there.

158
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,503
Rex Banner. I'm running
this department now.

159
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,629
Wiggum, you're out...

160
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,047
Suspended indefinitely.

161
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,342
Tuck in that shirt!

162
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,551
Get those shoes shined!

163
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,955
Take that badge out
of your mouth!

164
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,012
You're police officers.

165
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,345
What are you
waiting for...

166
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,141
Somebody to kiss you
good-bye?

167
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,060
Well...

168
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,645
no, no, no.
I guess not.

169
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,442
Wasting no time,

170
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,985
Rex Banner tore into
the bootleggers

171
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,549
like a chippie tearing
into a lobster.

172
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,956
How do you know
you don't like bribes

173
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,667
if you've never
taken one? Here.

174
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,878
Say, this is nice.

175
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,380
No! No bribes!

176
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:08,798
Okay, you win.

177
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,425
From now on, we'll stick
to smuggling heroin.

178
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:12,510
See that you do!

179
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,387
At first,
I thought prohibition

180
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,972
was a good thing.

181
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,641
People were drinking more
and having a lot more fun.

182
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,394
But without beer,
prohibition doesn't work.

183
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,020
Hey, hi.

184
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,581
Can I arrest any of you people
for anything?

185
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,940
- No.
- Ah, geez.

186
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:28,693
I don't have
anything to do anymore.

187
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,111
With Banner around,

188
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,822
alcohol and crime
are history in this town,

189
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:33,906
and so am I.

190
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,866
Now, don't say that!

191
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,910
Alcohol is a way of life.

192
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,745
Alcohol is my way of life,

193
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,622
and I aim to keep it.

194
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,499
Sounds like
you have a plan.

195
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,626
Maybe I do, chief.

196
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,796
Maybe I do.

197
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,756
Come on, boy.
Think of a plan.

198
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,508
I'm trying, Dad.

199
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,552
Kent Brockman
at the now-closed.

200
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,012
Duff bottling plant,

201
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,888
where a mysterious
person in black

202
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,515
keeps a solitary vigil.

203
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,809
I've got it!

204
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,311
We're going out, Marge.

205
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,229
If we don't come back,
avenge our deaths.

206
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,313
All right.

207
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,526
Whoa, bonanza!

208
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,612
Let's load it up
before the rats regroup.

209
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,821
Right. Now remember:

210
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,740
Don't mention
this to anyone...

211
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,409
Not your mother,
not Rex Banner,

212
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:19,492
not anyone.

213
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,797
Rex Banner...
What a dope.

214
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,842
Yeah. Look at him trying
to aim that stupid gun.

215
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,096
Hang on, son!

216
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,686
Dad, knocking over
a gravestone is bad luck.

217
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,563
Really?
I heard good.

218
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,739
What happened
to you, Homer?

219
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,282
And what have
you done to the car?

220
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,784
Nothin'.

221
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,662
I don't think it had
broken axles before.

222
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,954
Before! Before!

223
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,748
You're livin'
in the past, Marge.

224
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:06,831
Quit livin' in the past.

225
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,379
That's funny.

226
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,923
I used to be able
to go down there.

227
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,677
Going bowling.
Not back, avenge deaths.

228
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,637
Why do you have
so many bowling balls?

229
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,307
I'm not gonna lie
to you, Marge.

230
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,642
So long!

231
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,655
Ah, rats!
Another gutter ball!

232
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:40,074
Gee, Homer
you sure do suck tonight.

233
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,326
Yeah, suck like a fox!

234
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,515
Here you go, barn.
That'll be 45 bucks.

235
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,684
45 bucks?!

236
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,937
Well, this better be the
best-tasting beer in the world.

237
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,731
You got lucky.

238
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,700
You see, boy, the real money
is in bootlegging,

239
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,827
not in your
childish vandalism.

240
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,496
Oh, so many
wasted nights.

241
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,333
What's the matter,
chief?

242
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,461
Yeah, you've barely touched
your Banana Kaboom.

243
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,715
This isn't a very
happy birthday for Rex Banner.

244
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,642
Hello, fishies!

245
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,564
Listen, rummy, I'm going
to say it plain and simple:

246
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:54,982
Where'd you
pinch the hooch?

247
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,777
Is some blind tiger
jerking suds on the side?

248
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,195
Yes?

249
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,406
Wait a minute.

250
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,493
I forgot to make sure
the coast was clear.

251
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,037
Ah, it's probably clear.
Let's go.

252
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:10,915
Beer!

253
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:11,916
I can explain, Marge.

254
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,417
Please let me explain.

255
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,295
Oh, why won't
let me explain?!

256
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,315
You're the one the papers
have been talking about...

257
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,132
That mysterious "beer baron"

258
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,092
who's been supplying Springfield
with alcohol.

259
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,553
How have you been
getting away with this?

260
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,764
Well... and I can
explain, remember?

261
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,225
I fill the balls with beer
that I found at the dump

262
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,148
and then I bowl them
and some underground pipes

263
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,228
take them into Moe's.

264
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,313
Homer, that's very clever.

265
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,232
Mom!

266
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,818
Well, it is. I've known your father
since high school,

267
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,670
and this is the cleverest
things he's ever done.

268
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:43,322
Besides, he's only breaking
a silly, 200-year-old law.

269
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,865
It is silly, Marge.

270
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,389
And look at all the
money I'm making.

271
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,118
Whoo!

272
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,955
Mom! Prohibition
may be unpopular,

273
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,040
but it's the law,
and we still have...

274
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,291
Go to your room, Lisa.

275
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:02,466
Open up, curly.

276
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,843
This is a raid.

277
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,928
A raid?!
Curly?!

278
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,098
Um, all right, but, uh...

279
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:12,142
I don't know what you
expect to find

280
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:16,856
in a, uh, simple, uh...
neighborhood... pet shop.

281
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,362
Pet shop, eh?

282
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,155
Well, I just have
one question:

283
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,448
What kind of pet shop

284
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,158
is filled with
rambunctious yahoos

285
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,077
and hot jazz music
at 1:00 a.m.?

286
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,293
The... best... damn...
pet shop in town!

287
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,128
Yeah!

288
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,211
All right,

289
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,547
but you people remember:

290
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,591
Baby turtles and alligators

291
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,926
may seem like a cute idea
for a pet,

292
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,428
but they grow up.

293
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,554
Let's go, boys.

294
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,439
Those gears down there
really hurt.

295
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:05,237
You're out there somewhere,
beer baron,

296
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,531
and I'll find you.

297
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,533
No, you won't.

298
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,577
Yes, I will.

299
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,287
Won't.

300
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:16,789
Dateline Springfield.

301
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,417
The illusive beer baron

302
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,978
continued to thumb his nose
at authorities.

303
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,587
Swaggering about
in a garish new hat

304
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,631
he seemed to say,
"Look at me, Rex Banner.

305
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,299
I have a new hat."

306
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,218
Hey, boy, get cracking.

307
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,137
Moe upped his order
to 20 balls a night.

308
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,597
Uh, Dad...

309
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,474
Call me beer baron.

310
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:35,684
All the beer from the landfill
is gone, beer baron.

311
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,894
We're out of business.

312
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,105
But I can't be out of beer.

313
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,900
I'm the beer baron.

314
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,069
Homer, my customers
are sobering up,

315
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,130
and they ain't gonna
stick around for the ambiance.

316
00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:48,864
You got to get me more beer.

317
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,282
Sorry. I'm all out.

318
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,326
How about some turpentine
or caulk?

319
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,786
Delicious caulk.

320
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,871
Look, find it, buy it,
make it, I don't care.

321
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,374
Just get me some booze
and fast.

322
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,000
Make it, eh?

323
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,921
Forty-two bathtubs, please.

324
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,298
You know, they're 50
for $3,000 today.

325
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,383
I said 42!

326
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,517
Now you're making
your own alcohol?

327
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,186
That's more illegal than
what you were doing before.

328
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,605
Remember, honey,

329
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,357
we're disobeying
an unjust law here.

330
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,025
We're patriots.

331
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,945
Like...
all those people in jail.

332
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,665
Who wants a bathtub mint julep?

333
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,090
Are you the beer baron?

334
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,675
If you're talking
about root beer,

335
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:53,095
I plead guilt-didilly-ilty
as char-didilly-arged.

336
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,097
He's not the baron,
but he sounds drunk.

337
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,598
Take him in.

338
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,309
Are you the beer baron?

339
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,894
Yes, but only by night.

340
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,688
By day,
I'm a mild-mannered reporter

341
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,398
for a major metropolitan
newspaper.

342
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,483
Don't crack wise
with me, tubby.

343
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,735
Tubby?

344
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,237
Oh, yes, tubby.

345
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,697
Hey, Banner,
how's it hanging?

346
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,198
None of your business.

347
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,209
What on earth happened
down there?!

348
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,919
One of the stills...

349
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,463
Uh, nothing, Marge.

350
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,215
I think it must have been
that bean I had for dinner.

351
00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,553
Ka-boom! Blam!

352
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,346
Oh, excuse me again, dear.

353
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,432
Homer, there's no point
in pretending

354
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,225
you're making those noises.

355
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,770
Your homemade liquor
is exploding again.

356
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,688
What, dear? Ka-blammo!

357
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,981
You made some money

358
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,150
and had the fun of being
a wanted criminal.

359
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,652
Why not quit now
while you're ahead?

360
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:51,736
Boom.

361
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,200
I'll be right back.

362
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,793
It's hot! Oh!

363
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,256
Whoo.

364
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,051
I've thought about
what you said, honey,

365
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,053
and I've decided to quit.

366
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,472
Oh, well, fun's over.

367
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,891
But I still have
my wonderful money.

368
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,434
Stick 'em up!

369
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,062
Geez, what happened to you,
Wiggum? You look terrible.

370
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,438
Never mind how I look.

371
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,940
You gonna give me
the money or not?

372
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,358
Well, I don't think so.

373
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,318
You don't even have
a trigger on that thing.

374
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,296
Yeah, I had to sell the trigger
and most of the handle

375
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,780
to feed my family.

376
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:35,989
Come on, give me the dough.

377
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,242
I can throw this pretty hard.

378
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,077
Poor Wiggum.

379
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,411
Poor Wiggum.

380
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,622
I'll bet you really hate
Rex Banner, huh?

381
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:44,915
Um... who?

382
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,458
The guy who took your job.

383
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,542
Oh, yeah.

384
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,378
More than anything in the world.

385
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,339
Hey, how would you
like to show him up

386
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,258
by beating him
at his own game?

387
00:18:58,011 --> 00:18:59,513
I'm happy to report

388
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:02,432
that the flow of illegal liquor
seems to have dried up.

389
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:03,892
Public drunkenness has ceased

390
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,296
and those
mysterious liquor clouds

391
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,521
over Evergreen Terrace
are gone.

392
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,275
People, Rex Banner has won
your war against alcohol.

393
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,444
What about
the beer baron?

394
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,197
I suspect he was just
an invention of the media.

395
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,657
The idea that someone like that

396
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,869
could operate under my very nose
is laughable.

397
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,375
Well, you all know
what laughter sounds like.

398
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,252
We now go live
to Evergreen Terrace

399
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,920
where I'm informed

400
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,299
that former police chief Wiggum
has captured the beer baron.

401
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,425
They captured Homer?

402
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,471
Then the liquor-filled
bowling balls traveled

403
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,473
through a network
of underground pipes

404
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,643
finally emerging
at a nearby speakeasy.

405
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,520
You forgot
one thing, Wiggum.

406
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,771
Yeah? What's that?

407
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,816
I filled the balls
with a funnel.

408
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:57,070
That was a very sweet thing
you did for poor Wiggum.

409
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,822
But what's going
to happen to you?

410
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,533
Oh, probably
just a slap on the wrist.

411
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,453
"And he who shall
violate this law

412
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,580
shall be punished
by catapult."

413
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,416
Last time I help you.

414
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,460
Sorry. I thought
you'd get a fine

415
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,253
or at most,
three, four years in jail.

416
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,546
Hold it.

417
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,798
This machine
is two centuries old.

418
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:17,882
Better test it first.

419
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,806
Okay. Go ahead.

420
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,517
Wait! Wait!
You can't do this!

421
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:31,021
All my husband did was violate
a law that doesn't make sense.

422
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,648
Now, I'll admit

423
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,525
car crashes and fistfights
have been down recently,

424
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,403
but prohibition
has cost us our freedom...

425
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,114
Our freedom to drink.

426
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,950
Now hold on
a minute, missy.

427
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,410
It's not up to us to choose
which laws we want to obey.

428
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,997
If it were, I'd kill everyone
who looked at me cockeyed.

429
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,375
Our laws are in place
for a reason.

430
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,210
Send him back
to mama, boys.

431
00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,299
That was unexpected.

432
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,844
Well, reset the catapult,
and let's get this over with.

433
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,429
Wait.

434
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,932
I've discovered more lines
on the parchment.

435
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,559
It says that
the prohibition law

436
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,145
which was passed here
200 years ago

437
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:16,441
was repealed 199 years ago.

438
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:17,609
Release the prisoner.

439
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:23,198
On behalf of the city,
I'd like to apologize

440
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,033
and ask how long
it will take for you

441
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,077
to flood this town
with booze again.

442
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,204
Well, sorry.

443
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,998
I'm not in
that business anymore.

444
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,333
Four minutes.

445
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,003
And so, one town's
brief flirtation with prohibition

446
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:38,547
ended in a joyous remarriage
to lady liquor.

447
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,674
Congratulations,
Springfield.

448
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,218
We wish you the very best.

449
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:44,636
To alcohol...

450
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,806
The cause of
and solution to

451
00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:50,225
all of life's problems.

452
00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:47,449
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.