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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

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We now return to Blackula 
Meets Black Dracula.

2
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,902
I'm turning this disco
into a hockey rink.

3
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,974
You mean a honky rink!

4
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,475
You know, Black Dracula is now 
a Congressman from Virginia.

5
00:00:46,718 --> 00:00:48,314
Bart, where did you get those?

6
00:00:48,753 --> 00:00:49,922
There's an open house next door.

7
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,934
They're giving out 
cookies and business cards!

8
00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:54,131
Check it out.
I'm a business jerk!

9
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,438
Marge, I don't want
to buy this house.

10
00:00:59,597 --> 00:01:02,050
I'd have to live
next door to myself.

11
00:01:05,286 --> 00:01:05,993
Turn that down!

12
00:01:06,393 --> 00:01:06,882
Screw you!

13
00:01:09,908 --> 00:01:11,439
Relax, we're
just looky-loos.

14
00:01:11,686 --> 00:01:14,537
We're only here to compare 
our lifestyle to our neighbors.

15
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,055
Marge, It's not fair to compare 
us to an American household.

16
00:01:20,772 --> 00:01:24,691
It's so beautiful and modern.

17
00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:28,621
Ooh, a Sub-Zero fridge.

18
00:01:29,575 --> 00:01:33,180
A slightly colder fridge?
In my lifetime?

19
00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:35,120
Amazing.

20
00:01:35,836 --> 00:01:38,191
This is the kitchen
I've always wanted.

21
00:01:39,648 --> 00:01:41,369
Ooh, a bread maker-maker!

22
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:46,977
And check this out.

23
00:01:47,304 --> 00:01:48,958
A walk-in microwave!

24
00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:52,863
Hey, Marge, can you press 
"stop" when my popcorn's done?

25
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,719
Homie, when I married you, I 
knew we wouldn't live in luxury.

26
00:02:08,909 --> 00:02:10,253
And I kept that vow.

27
00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,800
But seeing that kitchen today

28
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:17,023
made me wish we had something
a little better for ourselves.

29
00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:20,000
I'll build you a new 
kitchen, sweetie.

30
00:02:20,038 --> 00:02:22,810
that's so thoughtful,

31
00:02:22,988 --> 00:02:26,172
but maybe we should hire
a professional contractor...

32
00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:27,493
A contractor?

33
00:02:27,757 --> 00:02:29,748
Those guys are
the biggest crooks around.

34
00:02:29,748 --> 00:02:32,744
They charge for materials
 and labor!

35
00:02:32,745 --> 00:02:34,478
Pick one, jerks!

36
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:49,557
Man, that hurt.

37
00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:52,033
And now to do the 
exact same thing again.

38
00:02:55,484 --> 00:02:57,594
Maybe you should
turn off the power.

39
00:02:58,084 --> 00:02:58,914
All right.

40
00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,662
Don't demolish along the way!

41
00:03:05,766 --> 00:03:07,504
Easy, easy.

42
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:11,944
Playdude magazines?

43
00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:14,597
Have you been hiding
bosom rags from me?

44
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,666
Trying to.

45
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:19,471
These magazines are from
before we were married.

46
00:03:19,803 --> 00:03:21,157
Maybe you should
throw them away.

47
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,724
But I need them
for the articles!

48
00:03:23,094 --> 00:03:24,928
Les articles ?

49
00:03:25,469 --> 00:03:29,516
So you wouldn't mind if
I cut out all the erotic nudes?

50
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,233
Of course not.

51
00:03:31,541 --> 00:03:34,699
Why would I want to look at a 
nude woman I'm not even married to?

52
00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:37,734
I wouldn't even know
how she could improve me.

53
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:42,722
"I'm not wearing any clothes...

54
00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:46,975
So why don't I just splay
myself on a pool table"?

55
00:03:48,649 --> 00:03:50,324
Steady, steady...

56
00:03:52,985 --> 00:03:54,514
Here's your precious articles.

57
00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:57,705
Thanks, Marge, I can't 
wait to read about...

58
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:01,257
"Sport Fishing with 
Sonny Jurgensen."

59
00:04:03,726 --> 00:04:05,899
What man would want you now?

60
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,218
Playdudes!

61
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:13,100
Let the blossoming
of Milhouse begin.

62
00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:18,079
I gotta be honest, I don't see 
what all the hubbub is about.

63
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,362
Hey, the lady in 
this picture is hot.

64
00:04:20,362 --> 00:04:23,533
She can Calamine 
my hives anytime.

65
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:25,967
That's Congresswoman Bella Abzug.

66
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,962
"Ciao Bella"

67
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,649
The grown-ups in this 
magazine are pretty cool.

68
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:33,259
I could make the tree 
house look like this.

69
00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:34,861
Then we could have orgies,

70
00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:36,025
whatever they are.

71
00:04:37,714 --> 00:04:39,236
We'll be Playdude Playmates!

72
00:04:39,825 --> 00:04:41,966
We are Playdude Playmates!

73
00:04:41,966 --> 00:04:44,147
We are Playdude Playmates!

74
00:04:44,592 --> 00:04:46,809
There it is, nice and smooth.

75
00:04:46,809 --> 00:04:50,874
I'd like to see your boyfriend
the contractor do a better job.

76
00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:53,665
I think you used 
too much plaster.

77
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:55,515
Oh, now you tell me.

78
00:04:55,516 --> 00:04:56,980
I never stopped telling you.

79
00:04:57,204 --> 00:05:00,144
So that's what that
white noise was.

80
00:05:00,476 --> 00:05:02,103
I'm calling a contractor.

81
00:05:06,364 --> 00:05:07,521
Thanks for taking the job.

82
00:05:07,863 --> 00:05:10,617
I'm sorry my husband
is being so difficult.

83
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,770
Get lost, crook!

84
00:05:13,009 --> 00:05:14,160
That's all right,
Mrs. Simpson.

85
00:05:14,416 --> 00:05:16,310
Many husbands
feel emasculated...

86
00:05:16,311 --> 00:05:18,287
when their wife must turn
to a professional...

87
00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:20,234
to satisfy her
remodeling needs.

88
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:21,973
Why don't you just kiss her?

89
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,312
I'm gay. But I have a subcontractor 
that does that sort of thing for me.

90
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,661
I like-a to kiss.

91
00:05:30,322 --> 00:05:33,022
Now, don't you worry. Your kitchen 
will be done in three weeks.

92
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:40,014
When Virginia Woolf wrote, "Every 
woman needs a room of one's own,"

93
00:05:40,018 --> 00:05:42,947
she must have been 
talking about the kitchen.

94
00:05:43,023 --> 00:05:45,373
What's the first thing you're
gonna make in your new kitchen?

95
00:05:45,449 --> 00:05:47,099
How 'bout cooking 
up some money...

96
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:50,537
because this stupid kitchen cost $100,000.

97
00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:54,747
I was thinking
of chicken wings.

98
00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:56,175
Those are good too.

99
00:05:59,307 --> 00:06:00,132
Same old stuff:

100
00:06:00,317 --> 00:06:02,910
meatloaf, casserole, tuna loaf,

101
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:04,855
loaferole, casseloaf...

102
00:06:06,376 --> 00:06:09,091
Marge Simpson's
Wasabi Buffalo Wings!

103
00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:13,228
an Eastern twist on a 
western New York favorite.

104
00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:20,606
These wings are going 
straight to my thighs...

105
00:06:20,612 --> 00:06:22,470
and I say bon voyage!

106
00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:24,634
What do you think,
Thomas Pynchon?

107
00:06:27,381 --> 00:06:29,814
These wings 
are "V-licious!"

108
00:06:30,289 --> 00:06:33,350
I'll put this recipe in the 
Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook,

109
00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:36,746
right next to
The Frying of Latke 49.

110
00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:40,542
I agree with my 
fellow Cornell alumnus!

111
00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:42,301
Huzzah for Marge!

112
00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:43,673
Huzzah!

113
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:47,575
And how 'bout a huzzah for my 
husband who paid for our new kitchen?

114
00:06:47,651 --> 00:06:48,491
Never!

115
00:06:50,394 --> 00:06:53,495
I thought I was Springfield's
wing ding king,

116
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,257
but, you make my chicken look
like cock-a-diddily doo-doo.

117
00:06:56,427 --> 00:06:57,683
Great stuff, Ned.

118
00:06:58,027 --> 00:07:00,791
You know I was gonna enter
this here Ovenfresh Bakeoff...

119
00:07:00,792 --> 00:07:03,665
but up against you, I wouldn't
have a Hindu's chance in heaven.

120
00:07:03,928 --> 00:07:05,000
If you win,

121
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:08,698
Ovenfresh Industries will make 
you the new face of Auntie Ovenfresh.

122
00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:13,564
C'mon, Marge.
It's either you, or...

123
00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:18,943
I guess it would be a hoot
to have my face on everything.

124
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,888
Mrs. Simpson,you must 
pursue your dreams.

125
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,591
Like my old dream of coming to 
America and starting a family.

126
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:30,420
Or my new dream of ditching my family 
and sneaking back to India in disguise.

127
00:07:31,692 --> 00:07:33,281
Apu?
Never heard of him.

128
00:07:33,594 --> 00:07:35,164
My name is Steve Barnes.

129
00:07:40,205 --> 00:07:42,296
So, when do they start singing?

130
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,014
Well, The Playdude Advisor says...

131
00:07:44,014 --> 00:07:46,718
this music will get a stewardess 
to give you a layover.

132
00:07:47,048 --> 00:07:50,229
I hope it's in Omaha.
My grammy lives there.

133
00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:52,740
Bart, can you come
in here for a second?

134
00:07:54,794 --> 00:07:57,332
Your mother's about
to show us her new recipe.

135
00:07:57,664 --> 00:08:00,718
Outtasight!
Lay it on me, Mama.

136
00:08:00,944 --> 00:08:02,512
In the Ovenfresh Bakeoff,

137
00:08:02,654 --> 00:08:05,524
clever presentation
is as important as taste.

138
00:08:05,764 --> 00:08:08,811
So I'm entering
my dessert dogs!

139
00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:12,294
It's deep-fried cookie 
dough with meringue buns,

140
00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:16,344
cherry "ketchup"
and caramel "mustard."

141
00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:21,680
It's dessert,
but it's hot dogs,

142
00:08:21,681 --> 00:08:22,659
so it's good for you!

143
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:29,014
Marge, I don't want to freak you 
out, but I think I love you.

144
00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:34,392
I hope the Ovenfresh Bakeoff 
likes them as much as you do.

145
00:08:39,816 --> 00:08:41,875
Mom, a letter from 
Ovenfresh Industries!

146
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:44,232
Well, open it.
Open it! Open it!

147
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,633
"Thank you for applying
to the Ovenfresh Bakeoff.

148
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,569
Every year many wonderful 
cooks fail to qualify."

149
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,381
"...but screw them, you're in!

150
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,603
Congratulations!"

151
00:08:56,875 --> 00:08:57,820
Oh, my God!

152
00:08:58,159 --> 00:09:01,824
Someone somewhere says
I'm better than someone else!

153
00:09:02,032 --> 00:09:03,852
I'm proud of you, honey.

154
00:09:10,095 --> 00:09:13,690
Sorry, Ralphie. The Bakeoff 
rejected your recipe.

155
00:09:13,894 --> 00:09:15,631
I wanna be in the bakeoff!

156
00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:16,904
There, there...

157
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,776
I think your grilled crayon 
sandwich was delicious.

158
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,772
You only had a pretend bite.

159
00:09:22,099 --> 00:09:24,017
No, I'm eating it.
Look.

160
00:09:27,908 --> 00:09:29,459
Can you taste the thumbtacks?

161
00:09:30,608 --> 00:09:31,353
Crap.

162
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:37,335
I'm here live at the 
annual Ovenfresh Bakeoff,

163
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:40,241
brought to you by the Ovenfresh 
Flour family of products,

164
00:09:42,677 --> 00:09:42,950
including...

165
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:54,843
Quetzalcoatl's Choice: the favorite from Zihuatanejo to Popocatepetl.

166
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,828
Bart looks different today.

167
00:09:58,326 --> 00:10:03,184
Nelson, your debonair wit 
reminds me of a young Mort Sahl.

168
00:10:04,095 --> 00:10:05,875
Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers.

169
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,277
I'm throwin' a little sip 'n' quip 
at the Playdude Treehouse

170
00:10:09,278 --> 00:10:11,254
Saturday night at 
the top of the ladder.

171
00:10:11,674 --> 00:10:13,552
Be there or be square.

172
00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:18,584
I want to be a triangle.

173
00:10:18,713 --> 00:10:19,638
You're not invited.

174
00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:25,062
It's going to be weird cooking without 
your tipsy father grabbing me from behind,

175
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:26,916
but I think I'm up to it.

176
00:10:27,238 --> 00:10:31,017
Welcome to the Ovenfresh Bakeoff.
I'm Billy Bouillon Cube.

177
00:10:31,017 --> 00:10:33,581
Follow me to your oven station.

178
00:10:35,704 --> 00:10:36,943
Why, thank you, Billy.

179
00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:38,474
Don't look at my human eyes!

180
00:10:40,301 --> 00:10:41,166
Oh, don't mind Billy.

181
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,060
His oven light's on, 
but nothing's cooking.

182
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:45,712
So, what you makin'... Marge?

183
00:10:46,155 --> 00:10:47,937
Well... Stuart,

184
00:10:48,223 --> 00:10:52,081
I'm making a dessert that looks 
like a hot dog, but it isn't.

185
00:10:52,082 --> 00:10:54,284
You're making a "tasty fake"?

186
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,369
That is so '90s.

187
00:10:57,722 --> 00:11:00,364
Why don't we all move to 
Seattle and use slow modems?

188
00:11:04,568 --> 00:11:07,828
Yo, Marge, your recipe...
she is pathetic.

189
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:08,683
She is not!

190
00:11:13,843 --> 00:11:15,523
Great licks, man, great licks.

191
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,081
There's no room
left in the grotto.

192
00:11:21,584 --> 00:11:22,724
Who's that adult?

193
00:11:23,077 --> 00:11:25,456
It wouldn't be a Playdude
party without James Caan.

194
00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:28,169
So, I'm trying to talk with Miss November,

195
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:31,385
and Charlie Callas over here
is blocking my action with...

196
00:11:32,851 --> 00:11:34,428
Turns out he's choking
on a peanut.

197
00:11:34,605 --> 00:11:36,775
Well, a punch to the gut
cleared that right up.

198
00:11:38,376 --> 00:11:42,236
Bart, me and Mrs. Krabappel, we're 
going to go play some "backgammon"

199
00:11:42,487 --> 00:11:43,478
If you know what I mean.

200
00:11:43,558 --> 00:11:44,832
I don't, 
but I hope you win.

201
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,018
Oh, he's going to win.

202
00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:47,751
Some guys like a challenge.

203
00:11:48,313 --> 00:11:48,827
Not me.

204
00:11:50,089 --> 00:11:51,401
Ladies and gentlemen,

205
00:11:51,402 --> 00:11:53,142
before we begin, 
let us introduce...

206
00:11:53,182 --> 00:11:56,679
Auntie Ovenfresh, 1954!

207
00:11:57,390 --> 00:12:01,947
Ribbons and trophies are 
no comfort on your deathbed.

208
00:12:01,977 --> 00:12:03,193
Auntie Ovenfresh!

209
00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:08,076
And now, chefs, 
start your kitchens!

210
00:12:16,056 --> 00:12:16,846
Fish scales?

211
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:19,633
Stop! You're tainting my entry!

212
00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:21,199
I'm-a so sorry...

213
00:12:21,456 --> 00:12:23,107
It was, uh, how you say, um,

214
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,635
"done with malice aforethought,"

215
00:12:26,303 --> 00:12:27,793
You did it on purpose?

216
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:30,605
No, no, no, my English, 
she's a-not-a so good.

217
00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:32,292
I was, uh, how you say,..

218
00:12:32,789 --> 00:12:35,005
"ruining your food so I win,"

219
00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:40,397
Why is everyone at this 
bakeoff such a meanie-bo-beanie?

220
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:44,706
These muffin-huffin' batter biddies 
can smell weakness a mile away...

221
00:12:44,955 --> 00:12:46,445
weakness named Marge!

222
00:12:46,527 --> 00:12:48,881
Why can't everyone 
just play fair and...?

223
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:52,300
Did you just dunk your 
hair in my mixing bowl?

224
00:12:53,644 --> 00:12:55,334
You're weak, weak!

225
00:12:56,761 --> 00:12:57,781
Listen here, Simpson.

226
00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,741
Your son has been exposing 
our kids to adult themes,

227
00:13:01,058 --> 00:13:05,250
unabashed dictionaries and the
lesser short fiction of John Cheever.

228
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,536
Adult themes? 
What are you talking about?

229
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,732
My Roddy told a joke about an 
octopus and a set of bagpipes,

230
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:13,229
and the punchline implied 
that they fornicated!

231
00:13:13,505 --> 00:13:15,094
Ralphie wants to go on the pill!

232
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,121
Stupid Bart.

233
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,798
Bagpipes getting 
down with an octopus...

234
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,505
That's classic.

235
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,553
Hot bananas coming through. Oops.

236
00:13:24,942 --> 00:13:25,417
My dessert!

237
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:35,538
Come on, Mom. 
You still have 20 minutes left.

238
00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:37,001
You can fix it.

239
00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:37,723
You're right.

240
00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:41,387
If I can feed a family 
of five on $12 a week,

241
00:13:41,465 --> 00:13:42,840
I can do anything.

242
00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:45,227
You feed us on $12 a week?

243
00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:47,922
I stretch your father's 
meatloaf with sawdust.

244
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:52,856
Attention, contestants,

245
00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:55,006
baking time is over.

246
00:13:55,078 --> 00:13:57,191
The judging will commence in one hour.

247
00:13:57,409 --> 00:13:59,231
If your dish is not 
in the judging room

248
00:13:59,231 --> 00:14:01,615
by the time this metal 
door hits the ground,

249
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,284
your entry will 
not be official,

250
00:14:03,285 --> 00:14:05,097
and will be eaten
by the janitor.

251
00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:08,979
Hurry, Mom!

252
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,086
I guess was the last one.

253
00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:17,313
Damn it!

254
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,894
These other dishes look so pretty.

255
00:14:24,141 --> 00:14:26,960
And those cheaters 
blackened my sugar wieners.

256
00:14:27,356 --> 00:14:31,082
I'd like to give those Betty Crookeds 
a taste of their own medicine.

257
00:14:32,804 --> 00:14:34,118
Yes...

258
00:14:34,387 --> 00:14:35,688
medicine.

259
00:14:36,319 --> 00:14:38,657
Baby ear medicine.

260
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,608
Even the Pope couldn't 
forgive this pizza...

261
00:14:47,874 --> 00:14:50,650
and he's letting a lot of 
things slide these days.

262
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:53,951
Don't worry. There's 
plenty for all of you.

263
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,645
Now who's laughing, huh, huh?

264
00:14:58,791 --> 00:15:00,927
Me! I'm laughing!

265
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:13,255
I can't believe my mom would cheat.

266
00:15:13,438 --> 00:15:15,066
Hey, sweetie,is Mom winning?

267
00:15:15,098 --> 00:15:16,419
Oh, she'll win the contest...

268
00:15:16,802 --> 00:15:18,382
but she'll lose her soul.

269
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:19,979
But she'll still win the contest?

270
00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:21,629
And lose her soul.

271
00:15:21,903 --> 00:15:22,838
But win the contest?

272
00:15:22,872 --> 00:15:23,209
Yes.

273
00:15:24,232 --> 00:15:26,384
If Marge becomes Auntie Ovenfresh,

274
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,847
we'll meet all the 
food personalities...

275
00:15:30,735 --> 00:15:32,981
Look! 
It's Mr. Cashew,

276
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:36,456
the Koobler Dwarfs, 
Snip, Crinkle and Poof...

277
00:15:36,696 --> 00:15:38,909
Twinkle the Kidd, I love you!

278
00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:42,181
Whoa-ho-ho, easy 
there, partner.

279
00:15:48,872 --> 00:15:50,301
You... killed him.

280
00:15:50,378 --> 00:15:52,710
He was my world!

281
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,607
Blood for creme!

282
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:02,606
Blood for creme!

283
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,060
It's always difficult 
to pick two finalists,

284
00:16:05,349 --> 00:16:08,357
but this year it was easy. 
All the other dishes made us vomit.

285
00:16:10,575 --> 00:16:14,666
Our two remaining dishes are 
"Blackened Dessert Dogs" by Marge

286
00:16:14,919 --> 00:16:19,199
and "Armadillo a la Road" 
by Brandine No Last Name Given.

287
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,217
That's an entry?!

288
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:21,760
I thought it was garbage.

289
00:16:22,145 --> 00:16:25,425
Just 'cause it was cooked in a 
garbage can don't make it garbage.

290
00:16:32,963 --> 00:16:35,875
"Canned and frozen juices are more 
popular than ever these days..."

291
00:16:36,168 --> 00:16:41,108
"but most bachelors we know would 
prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes."

292
00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:47,224
Bachelors are always 
squeezin' stuff.

293
00:16:47,250 --> 00:16:48,639
Would you excuse us, Milton?

294
00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,266
It's Milhouse.

295
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:52,311
Yeah, and your 
father's "No House".

296
00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:53,302
Now scram.

297
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,871
Maybe I was a little hard on him. 
Oh, well.

298
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:02,553
Bart, I know a father has no right to pry 
into the life of his ten-year-old son...

299
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:03,712
but what's going on up here?

300
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,677
I'm just spreadin' 
the Playdude philosophy:

301
00:17:05,704 --> 00:17:07,895
Hi-fis, Norman Mailer, 
gettin' some...

302
00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:11,547
what do you think "some" is?

303
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,259
Uh... toys?

304
00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:15,981
I thought I'd never 
have to do this,

305
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,393
but it's time to tell 
you the facts of life.

306
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,878
Do you know what a boob is?

307
00:17:23,096 --> 00:17:23,874
Oh, yeah.

308
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,586
Good, that'll save us some time.

309
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:30,473
Why do you think your mother 
and I sleep in the same bed?

310
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:31,757
Because we're poor?

311
00:17:32,014 --> 00:17:33,118
Exactly,

312
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,142
and we're poor because we have kids.

313
00:17:35,195 --> 00:17:36,792
And the biological method...

314
00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:39,716
...by which children are created 
by a man and a woman is...

315
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,134
And then the man...

316
00:17:50,088 --> 00:17:50,962
And then the woman...

317
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,344
Well, it's better they 
hear it from me now...

318
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:03,698
than from their parents 
when they're old enough.

319
00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:09,548
Congratulations, Mom.

320
00:18:09,549 --> 00:18:12,621
You seem to have a 
prescription for success.

321
00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:15,929
What a kind yet oddly 
ominous thing to say.

322
00:18:16,255 --> 00:18:18,240
Now I've got to get 
ready for the finals.

323
00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:20,133
Don't forget your secret ingredient...

324
00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:22,043
cheating!

325
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,003
It's not my fault!

326
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:28,064
Lisa, the people in this 
bakeoff are stinkers...

327
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:31,465
who pushed me and pushed me 
like the pushy-wushies they are!

328
00:18:31,597 --> 00:18:35,345
Mom, if I don't have you to 
look up to, I don't have anyone.

329
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,914
Look, I'll be a winner 
with feet of clay...

330
00:18:38,157 --> 00:18:39,539
like Mickey Mantle.

331
00:18:39,678 --> 00:18:41,244
Everyone loves the Mick.

332
00:18:41,422 --> 00:18:43,747
I don't want Mickey Mantle. 
I want my mom.

333
00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:47,400
Plenty of kids are going to 
look up to me when I'm Auntie...

334
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,636
whatever it is.

335
00:18:49,318 --> 00:18:52,453
Right now, people just 
know me as the wife of a guy...

336
00:18:52,454 --> 00:18:53,613
who doesn't go to work.

337
00:18:53,887 --> 00:18:57,108
Can't you understand 
that I need this?

338
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,592
I guess Dad has 
to be my hero now.

339
00:19:03,749 --> 00:19:05,458
Not if you knew 
what he's been doing.

340
00:19:06,957 --> 00:19:10,586
Welcome to the final battle 
of the Ovenfresh Challenge.

341
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,592
She's already ahead of me.

342
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,881
Well, I didn't come 
this far not to cheat...

343
00:19:24,111 --> 00:19:25,574
"I look up to you...

344
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:27,752
because you let me down."

345
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:33,720
That's clever... 
and devastating.

346
00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:37,952
Stop the competition!

347
00:19:39,326 --> 00:19:41,276
I don't deserve to win.

348
00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:44,035
I sabotaged all the other entries.

349
00:19:45,054 --> 00:19:47,124
Looks like me and Marge 
are both going to hell.

350
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,734
That's when I'll make my move.

351
00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:53,936
Then I won... with my 
festive holiday Alco-Hog.

352
00:19:54,912 --> 00:19:56,539
I thought it was dead!

353
00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:02,216
Thanks, honey, for 
saving me from myself.

354
00:20:02,495 --> 00:20:06,366
And Marge, you'll always be 
the best chef in our house.

355
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:08,074
Well, beat me,

356
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,792
I do just scrambled eggs, Homer.

357
00:20:09,986 --> 00:20:11,866
The secret ingredient is whiskey.

358
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:13,957
Hey, it keeps the kids quiet.

359
00:20:15,655 --> 00:20:18,110
Hey, look! 
The new Ovenfresh Flour bag!

360
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,224
That could've been me.

361
00:20:20,559 --> 00:20:22,179
Oh, I wish it had've been.

362
00:20:23,551 --> 00:20:28,267
Now that Brandine's famous, 
she done run off with James Caan!

363
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:33,062
But don't you worry. 
I'm going to fix his wagon.

364
00:20:35,516 --> 00:20:38,214
A toll booth? 
I hate these things...

365
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:56,680
That's it. 
Next time, I fly.

366
00:21:02,538 --> 00:21:05,396
Synchronization by Lord Damon.

367
00:21:06,396 --> 00:21:16,396
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