1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,602
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,961
Some sucker will
think he's getting beer,

3
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,851
but he's really gonna get
a face full of melon!

4
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,090
Seedless melon!

5
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,129
Shh. Don't ruin the moment.

6
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,690
Oh, boy, free beer!

7
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,000
Oh, man.

8
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,406
Easy, Barney. Easy.

9
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,562
Remember the 12 Steps.

10
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,729
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10,11,12.

11
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:03,810
Nice try, boys.

12
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,487
Now, as the Road Runner
said to the Coyote, "Meep meep!"

13
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,722
Everyone in
town is wise to us.

14
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,569
We need someone
new we can prank.

15
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,603
Sweet. Fresh meat.

16
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,810
Meat's not sweet.
It's savory.

17
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,810
Hi, bean sprouts.

18
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,929
The name's Howell Huser.
I travel the country.

19
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,607
Gawking and talking, and I was
hoping to take in your town.

20
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,601
We can show you around if you don't
mind a heaping helping of local color.

21
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,160
Why my favorite
color is local.

22
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,127
Ooh! Watermelon!
Want to plant the seeds?

23
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,367
It's seedless.

24
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,690
Radioactivity?

25
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,447
That means it's a place
where we do radio activities.

26
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,681
I'm happy to be exposed
to that kind of radioactivity.

27
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,884
You know, the fish here are so friendly,
you can walk right up and feed them.

28
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,602
Well, howdy, little feller.

29
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,244
I can't wait
till this is over! Ow!

30
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:30,645
I was thinking maybe we could
visit the hospital now?

31
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,963
Perhaps a stick of gum
will lighten your mood.

32
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,804
It always has in the past.

33
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:42,367
Finger pain?
I thought I had gum coming!

34
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,647
That tears it!

35
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:50,090
I've been smiling for 47 years,
and you two broke my streak!

36
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,130
Shame on you,
and shame on you.

37
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,285
And shame on your whole
ill-mannered town!

38
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,286
Hey, that guy's shaming us.

39
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,283
My self-esteem
sure didn't need that!

40
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,761
Loser!

41
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,003
Yeah, get out, shamey.

42
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,801
I don't think we'll be
hearing from him again.

43
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:19,087
So, Kitchen Wizard, I understand
you have a book coming out.

44
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:22,403
Yes, it's about Winston
Churchill's life between the wars.

45
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,323
Up next on
the Soft News Network,

46
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,961
let's hear from our own
wide-eyed wanderer, Howell Huser.

47
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,969
I've ambled and rambled
across this country

48
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:37,364
and never found a
town I didn't like, till now,

49
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,401
and the name of that
town is Springfield.

50
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,804
I was attacked, humiliated,
and fed misleading gum.

51
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:52,644
I give Springfield the lowest rating
I've ever given a city, a six out of 10.

52
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,523
I hope this bad publicity
doesn't affect tourism.

53
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,726
Eh, who needs tourists?

54
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,207
They never buy my maps
to stars' homes anyway.

55
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,490
Have you read
them all? Okay, good.

56
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,931
We need to bring tourism
back to Springfield.

57
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:25,160
As usual, I will open the floor to all
crazy ideas that jump to people's minds.

58
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,730
Stronger beer!
Gladiator fights!

59
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,406
Poetry slam!
Giant rats!

60
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,848
H...
I have a real suggestion.

61
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,366
Yarr.

62
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,891
Why don't we legalize
same-sex marriage?

63
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,480
We can attract a growing
segment of the marriage market.

64
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,086
And strike a blow
for civil rights.

65
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,601
Yeah, them gay guys got
lots of disposable income.

66
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,043
I can serve fancy drinks
and charge 10 bucks a pop.

67
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:50,566
What's in a martini?

68
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,245
Gin and vermouth.

69
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,651
And that makes a what?

70
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,051
A martini.

71
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,363
Never heard of it, but I'm still in
favor of that same-sex marriage deal.

72
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,484
Then it's settled.
We'll legalize gay money...

73
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,050
I mean, gay marriage.

74
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:09,723
I propose we also legalize gay
funerals, starting with this guy.

75
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,928
I'm not gay.
I'm nothing yet!

76
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,850
Okay, now let's say I put a Lean Cuisine
in a blender and I pour some beer on it.

77
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,007
What do you call that?

78
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,686
A lean cuisini?
Wrong.

79
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,969
When my man and I
shop for wedding gowns.

80
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,362
We were mocked and shunned
and pushed around.

81
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,523
But yesterday,
we found a place to be gay

82
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,127
I'm going to marry my Harry
in Springfield town.

83
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,410
Gay-o, it's okay-o.

84
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,810
Tie the knot and spend
all your dough.

85
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,929
Gay-o, come stay-o.

86
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,603
Visit our web site
for further info.

87
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,884
Springfield, a place where
everyone can marry.

88
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,246
Even dudes.

89
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,163
We're just off Route 202.

90
00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,208
Do not take
the Jefferson Avenue exit.

91
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,487
For God's sake,
do not take that exit.

92
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,808
While I have no opinion for
or against your sinful lifestyles,

93
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,043
I cannot marry two
people of the same sex

94
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:21,489
any more than I can put a
hamburger on a hot dog bun.

95
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,408
Now, go back to working behind the
scenes in every facet of entertainment.

96
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,529
Excuse me, Reverend.
Yes?

97
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,722
As long as two people
love each other,

98
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,723
I don't think God cares

99
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,246
whether they both have
the same hoo-hoo or ha-ha.

100
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:40,451
The Bible forbids
same-sex relations.

101
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:41,806
Which book?

102
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,724
Which book? The Bible!

103
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,330
But, Reverend,

104
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,643
scriptural scholars disagree
on the significance

105
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:52,322
of depictions of marriage in
Old Testament's descriptions.

106
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:58,044
Jesus' teachings stress
inclusiveness and compassion.

107
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,681
Lovejoy's an idiot.

108
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,923
His church is giving up
hot gobs of gay green.

109
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,367
He could get
200 bucks a couple.

110
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,527
200 bucks a couple, eh?

111
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,090
Hey, I got to get in on this!
These people have rights!

112
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,726
The right to buy
me a 62-inch TV!

113
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:32,326
Now begins the long and spiritual
journey to becoming an ordained minister.

114
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,007
"Name?

115
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,560
Homer Simpson.

116
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,281
You are now
an ordained minister.

117
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:45,960
Now to answer all the pop-ups.

118
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,566
Ooh! A talking moose wants
my credit card number.

119
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:49,721
That's only fair.

120
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:11,802
And do you, Julio, take Thad to
be your lawful wedded life partner

121
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,964
in Massachusetts and Vermont,
maybe Canada,

122
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,449
stay out of Texas,
as long as you both are gay?

123
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:19,641
I do.

124
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,720
It brings me greatjoy to
unite two such loving people.

125
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,769
Photo mouse pads
for sale out back.

126
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,090
Okay, what's next, Adam
and Steve or Madam and Eve?

127
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,521
Homie, you married
every gay couple in town.

128
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,568
Eh, what can I say?
I love love.

129
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,450
Well, all you can do now is
wait for some other guys to turn.

130
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,841
Hmm, where's Lenny and Carl?

131
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,445
Don't you push them!

132
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,523
They've got to work
that out for themselves.

133
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,162
Oh. But I'm only
$200 short of $14,800!

134
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,449
Well, what about people of the
opposite sex who want to get married?

135
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,284
Opposite? Yuck.

136
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,522
I mean a man and a woman.

137
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:02,002
Hmm. Well, maybe marriage
isn't just for gays.

138
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,487
What's that thing called when
a guy is gay for a girl?

139
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:05,766
Straight.

140
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:10,004
Look at me!
I'm as straight as a $1 bill.

141
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,327
La-dee-da! Ooh!

142
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,886
Do you, Cletus,
take Brandine to be...

143
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,646
Wait a minute. Are you
two brother and sister?

144
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,644
We's all kind of things!

145
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,280
A new epidemic is
raging through Springfield,

146
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,401
and this one didn't start

147
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,767
with Krustyburgefls
Whatchamacarcass Sandwich.

148
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,491
I'm talking about
an outbreak of marriage fever.

149
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,570
Reverend Simpson... Please,
Kent, call me Your Holiness.

150
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,086
I can't. I just can't.

151
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,288
Homer, have we started
down a slippery slope,

152
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,450
where marriage becomes so meaningless
that anyone could marry anything?

153
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,808
Oh, Kent, not anything.
It has to exist.

154
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,725
Or does it?

155
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,131
Well, call me old-fashioned, but I believe
that marriage described in the Bible...

156
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,771
If you love the Bible so much,
why don't you marry it?

157
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,525
In fact, I now pronounce you
and the Bible man and wife.

158
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,524
And you're the wife!

159
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,525
Hey, you owe me 200 bucks.

160
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,207
Homer, your impulsive marriages
are gonna lead to a lot of divorces.

161
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,090
Which will lead to a lot
more impulsive marriages,

162
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,447
which will put more
green in the blue.

163
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,528
The blue being my pants.

164
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,886
I'm sorry, Homer, but I'm gonna
have to leave you hanging there.

165
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,331
If I may say a word?

166
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,001
Why, we're joined live now
by Krusty the Clown. Krusty?

167
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,641
I want to clear up a misconception
about the Whatchamacarcass Sandwich.

168
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:43,244
I used non-diseased meat
from diseased animals.

169
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,924
Everyone does it.

170
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,362
Oh, Homie,
I'm so proud of you.

171
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,968
You stood up for people's right to
express love in its most perfect form,

172
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,520
a binding legal contract.

173
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,611
Hey, saturated fats,
I came to ask you a favor.

174
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,650
Let me get my belt sander. Maybe
I can grind the ugly off your face.

175
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,882
Very funny.
I wasn't joking.

176
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,286
I'm getting married, and I need
you to perform the ceremony.

177
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,161
You're getting married?
Patty, that's wonderful!

178
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,806
So, tell, tell,
who's the lucky man?

179
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,250
What does he do? Let me guess.
Mmm. Does he work in customer support?

180
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,448
You can guess all
night and never get it.

181
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,685
Her name's Veronica.

182
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,488
But Veronica's a girl's name.
Did you know that?

183
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,769
I'm marrying a woman.

184
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,328
I'm... I'm gay.

185
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:41,925
You're not disappointed,
are you?

186
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:46,968
- Oh, no. No, no.
- No, I'm just surprised.

187
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,123
Yeah, big surprise.

188
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:53,001
Hey, Marge, here's
another bomb. I like beer.

189
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,805
So, Patty, you're a woman
who likes women.

190
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,124
I guess that fear I always had of
you stealing Homer away is unfounded.

191
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,440
Marge, I'd be a lot more
worried about me leaving you

192
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,451
for a sausage patty
than your sister, Patty.

193
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,602
Next time it'll be your eye.

194
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,451
Marge, did you really
think I was straight?

195
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,171
Well, I guess I should
have seen the signs.

196
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,888
Que Sera, Sera.

197
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,760
Whatever will be, will be.

198
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,726
The future's not ours to see.

199
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,087
Que Sera, Sera.

200
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,962
What Will be, Will be.

201
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:43,887
You could see it from space, Marge.
This isn't a problem for you, is it?

202
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,725
- Oh, no. No, no.
- Why would it be?

203
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,201
I love you,
I love gay marriage,

204
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:53,365
so I'd be a super-hypocrite if I
didn't love your gay marriage, right?

205
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,684
Now, Patty, here's a veil
I picked out just for you.

206
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,122
Smells like cheeseburgers.

207
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,565
Give it back!

208
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,247
Why are we dressed as "Sunday Best
Simpsons" for dinner with Aunt Patty?

209
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,206
Because she's bringing over
someone very special.

210
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,601
Her fiancée.

211
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,643
Is this one of
those reality deals

212
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,087
where a guy gets a million
bucks for marrying Aunt Patty,

213
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,216
but they have to honeymoon
in a box full of snakes?

214
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,130
Son, that's the stupidest
idea I ever heard.

215
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,044
And I know exactly who
would pay top dollar for it.

216
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,486
You've reached Fox.

217
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,086
If you're pitching a show
where gold-digging skanks

218
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,402
get what's coming
to them, press one.

219
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,650
If you're pitching a rip-off of another
network's reality show, press two.

220
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:42,281
Please stay on the line. Your
half-baked ideas are all we've got.

221
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:48,721
Actually, your aunt is
marrying a very lucky woman.

222
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,765
I thought you said Aunt Patty
was just waiting for the right man.

223
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,527
As opposed to you, who grabbed
the first blimp that floated by.

224
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,923
Correction. The first
blimp who got her pregnant.

225
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,650
Seriously, Dad,
I'm worried.

226
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,251
You should go on a diet.

227
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,686
Why, you little...

228
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,485
Save my place.

229
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,204
Why you little...

230
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,204
This is my fiancée,
Veronica.

231
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,691
It's a pleasure
to meet you all.

232
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,240
So, Veronica,
what do you do?

233
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,886
I'm a pro golfer.
No surprises there.

234
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,328
Aunt Patty,
where did you two meet?

235
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,801
Alternative book store?
Ethiopian restaurant?

236
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:33,044
It was so romantic, like a
scene from a Hollywood movie.

237
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,770
Yeah, Bride of the Monster.

238
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,049
I was at the LPGA Ritz Bits
celebrity Pro-Am.

239
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,890
Lady golfers?

240
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,010
I thought we played this stupid
game to get away from the women.

241
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,528
With the yack-yack-yack and
the spend-spend-spend, am I right?

242
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,163
Hey, clown. Watch out
for this lady driver.

243
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,881
Are you all right?

244
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,805
Never better.

245
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,241
I'll bet that's
how angels cough.

246
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,284
I've been wearing
that 3-wood ever since.

247
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,290
Whoa, save something
for your wedding night.

248
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,761
Oh, we're saving everything
for our wedding night.

249
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,008
That's what Mom would want.

250
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,931
I don't think it's exactly
what Mom would want.

251
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,731
Marge, are you sure
you're okay with this?

252
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,451
Of course. Everyone should do
whatever they want.

253
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,444
Take a bear to church.
Read a book with your feet.

254
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,170
Change your name
to Gooble-Glop!

255
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,369
Oh, I get it.

256
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,124
You act all liberal,

257
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,921
but you can't handle it when your
sister finds love in her own locker room.

258
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,888
Marge, if you can find it in your
heart to accept me for who I am,

259
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,201
I would love to see
you at the ceremony.

260
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,041
If not, I'll see you
at Homer's funeral.

261
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,361
Which should be pretty soon.

262
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,323
Got him! Uh-oh.

263
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,888
What am I not
invited to this time?

264
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,122
Gay wedding,
but I can get you in.

265
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,289
You can? Ls there an
open bar? No, cash.

266
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,330
Well, I say this whole
thing is against nature.

267
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,811
So, want to do
a jigsaw puzzle tonight?

268
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,122
Selma, I'm getting
married in an hour.

269
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,401
I know, I know.

270
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,406
I'm just having trouble getting
used to the idea of being alone.

271
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,965
Don't lay that on me.

272
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,042
You got married three times.

273
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,690
Actually, four.

274
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,410
You see, last week...

275
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:40,161
Disco Stu just got an
annulment from John Paul ll.

276
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,651
Boogie down!

277
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,684
Selma, we'll always
be there for each other.

278
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,049
I don't know
about Marge, though.

279
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,844
If she doesn't show up today,

280
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,925
I have no
non-identical sister.

281
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:00,122
Oh, Lord, please help me say
the right words this afternoon,

282
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,722
as I consecrate another
gay union that angers you so.

283
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,601
And please let thy holy spirit
open the heart of my wife. Amen.

284
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:12,408
I just can't believe my sister would
keep me in the dark all these years,

285
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,087
then expect complete acceptance
on the day she gets married.

286
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,564
You handsome devil.

287
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,802
Someday they'll let
you and me get married.

288
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,849
Can you imagine the children?

289
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,608
I love you, Homer.

290
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,685
I love you, too, Homer.

291
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:34,881
Oh, Homer.

292
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:48,245
The toilet seat's up. But
that wouldn't happen unless...

293
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,120
Yeah, dude looks like a lady.

294
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,127
Dude looks like a lady.

295
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,811
She's a man.

296
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,851
Looks like Patty's gonna get
something she didn't register for.

297
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:20,082
Queerly beloved, we're here to
join Veronica and Patty in matrimony.

298
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,328
But the news isn't all good.

299
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,971
They've written
their own vows. Patty?

300
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,448
Veronica, in you
I have found a soul mate.

301
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,768
You are the perfect
woman for me,

302
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,970
Truthful, honest,
hiding nothing.

303
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:37,488
At last I have
found the yin to my yin.

304
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,364
If anyone knows a reason why
these two should not be joined,

305
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,563
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.

306
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,608
No! I can't let this happen!

307
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:48,680
I knew it!

308
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,805
You think everyone in the world
should have a big dumb man like you!

309
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,962
People, please,
can we wrap this up?

310
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,936
It's gonna rain and I got
to get the bikes in here.

311
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,088
Patty,
it's not what you think.

312
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,411
Veronica is a man!

313
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,610
Look at the size of
that Adam's apple!

314
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,491
Veronica, how could you?

315
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:16,288
Patty, I love you, but long before we
met, I disguised myself as a woman

316
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,001
and lied my way
onto the LPGA tour.

317
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,641
I can see why you lied to other
golfers, caddies, fans and officials,

318
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,165
but how could you lie to me
and the sponsors?

319
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,208
Because you fell in
love with me as a woman,

320
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,850
and I didn't want
to lose you.

321
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,970
But now I'm asking you, not as
Veronica, but as the man I am,

322
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,764
Leslie Robin Swisher.

323
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,605
Patty, will you
marry the real me?

324
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,601
Hell, no, I like girls!

325
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,202
Marge, thank you for
accepting me for who I am.

326
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,805
Well, I learned a lesson.

327
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:02,289
Just because you're a lesbian, it
doesn't make you less of a being.

328
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,488
Patty, I admire your decision.

329
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,204
It takes courage
to follow your heart

330
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,851
and walk out on a
non-refundable wedding ceremony.

331
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:12,691
So, I'm gonna waive
the rose petal removal fee

332
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,650
and prorate the
cake-handling surcharge.

333
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,730
Thanks. Yeah.

334
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,565
Well, that's the end
of Dad's wedding business.

335
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,721
Why?

336
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,802
Hey, twisted sister, you
still have that jigsaw puzzle?

337
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,883
Oh, there never was
a jigsaw puzzle.

338
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,564
I was trying to
make you jealous.

339
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,247
Hey, want to go to the airport
and leave a bag unattended?

340
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,800
It is a good way to meet
security personnel.

341
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,331
Let's go!

342
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,207
Next. Hurry, before
she changes her mind.