1
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The Simpsons.

2
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:26,710
Those stars and stripes.

3
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Those crazy stripes.

4
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Let's end together.

5
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,758
Yay!

6
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,802
You'll have to do a lot better than that,

7
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,304
especially since we've just been accepted

8
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:39,641
in the school band competition
at the county fair!

9
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,269
I'm sorry. I mean the state fair.

10
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,147
I hate to be a killjoy,

11
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,816
but do you really think we can win

12
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,567
playing "Stars and Stripes Forever"?

13
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It's so beginner band

14
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and we're advanced beginner band.

15
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,740
- This is band?
- Very well, Lisa.

16
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,451
What rousing Sousa march
would you have us play?

17
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Well, I thought maybe,
for once, we could play a song

18
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,914
that wasn't written by Sousa.

19
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:06,209
You mean something just arranged by Sousa?

20
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,837
No. Something fresh and bold.

21
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,547
Well, darling, you have lost me.

22
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,424
How about something cool,
like "Camptown Races"?

23
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,760
Hey, Grandpa, the Civil War's over.

24
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,679
How about "Little Brown Jug"?

25
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Ya-ha-ha, hee-hee-hee.

26
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,142
Little brown jug, how I love thee.

27
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,394
Oh! Stop with your devil music.

28
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,146
Lisa, this is all your fault.

29
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Hey, the blond broad's got a point.

30
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,692
We need something
with a little ring-a-ding-ding.

31
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Take your arm off me.

32
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Ooh! This kitten's got claws.

33
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OK, we'll do a different song.

34
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Who cares? They all end up
sounding the same anyway.

35
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,787
What a fruit fly.

36
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,126
Vietnam veteran.

37
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,378
Do you have a military ID?

38
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:53,298
ID? Man, Charlie didn't ask for ID

39
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:56,885
when I fought at La Choy and Chun King.

40
00:02:56,968 --> 00:03:01,264
I saw my best friend's head
explode at Margaret Cho.

41
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,308
Homer, give him the 50 cents.

42
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,726
Why should I?

43
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,603
Did my country give me a parade?

44
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No, man! They spat at me and...

45
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,899
- Just go.
- Thank you.

46
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:14,110
This closes the saddest chapter
in American history.

47
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,698
I can't wait to do some shopping.

48
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,742
Look at all these innovative products.

49
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,535
Miracle shears.

50
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,708
The drain bugger!

51
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Folks, how often have you
opened your morning paper

52
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only to have the rubber band fly off

53
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,723
and hit you right in the eye?

54
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Never, but it's my number one concern.

55
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Well, with the Omnigogs system

56
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those worries are a thing of the past.

57
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I'm all right, folks,

58
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thanks to my Omnigogs!

59
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,405
A little late for Lenny.

60
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,577
Who are those pleasant old men?

61
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:05,954
It's B.T.O.

62
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,956
They're Canada's answer to E.L.P.

63
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,666
Their big hit was "T.C.B."

64
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That's how we talked in the '70s.

65
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We didn't have a moment to spare.

66
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,047
Hello, Springfield!

67
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We're going to play
all your old favorites.

68
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,596
But first, we'd like to dip
into our new CD.

69
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,014
"Takin' Care Of Business"!

70
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,492
Don't worry, sir. We'll get to that one.

71
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No talking! No new crap!

72
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,186
"Takin' Care Of Business" now!

73
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,398
You get up every morning.

74
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,358
From the alarm clock's warning.

75
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,152
Take the 8:15 into the city...

76
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,613
Get to the working overtime part!

77
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,031
- Unbelievable.
- Dumb-ass.

78
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,449
Working overtime...

79
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,993
Work out!

80
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,460
Baby, you ain't seen.

81
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,545
Nothing yet.

82
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,967
Play "Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet"!

83
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,135
We just did!

84
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,761
Whatever!

85
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,221
Be sure to stick around

86
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,223
for the battle
of the elementary school bands.

87
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,351
Homer, Lisa's in that.

88
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,770
I stand by my disappointed groan.

89
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,912
Check out Lisa. She's a sax machine.

90
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,457
Makes me think I should have
done something with my life.

91
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,541
Oh, well.

92
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,006
Beautiful. Just beautiful.

93
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,883
This is what comptrolling is all about.

94
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,261
Anybody got a building permit?

95
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,180
'Cause we nailed it!

96
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,723
Way to blow, Lis!

97
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,892
That is the best version
of "Living in America"

98
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,185
I've ever heard.

99
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,603
Third best for me.

100
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,146
Well, unless there's another band

101
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,981
I think we have a winner.

102
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,399
Oh, wait.

103
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,610
There is another band... from Ogdenville.

104
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:03,613
Uh, please welcome the Ogdenville band.

105
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,786
"Stars and Stripes Forever"?

106
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,372
Oh, man. They're toast.

107
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,009
Oh! Glow Sticks?

108
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,178
But visual aids are against the rules.

109
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,930
Whoo, baby!

110
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,681
Well, it's not going to be easy

111
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:31,765
to pick a winner, but...

112
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,644
Ogdenville! Ogdenville!

113
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,357
But I think one school red,
white and blue us all away!

114
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,904
And the winner is... Ogdenville!

115
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,078
I hope you enjoy your plaque, cheater.

116
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,305
Well, I was going to give you

117
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,580
the good sportsmanship award,

118
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,041
but now I'm just going to be sick.

119
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,709
I can't believe those idiot judges

120
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:01,546
were impressed by glowing plastic tubes.

121
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:02,880
Look, Lisa!

122
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:06,259
It glows! Ooh.

123
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,719
Let's forget about the band contest

124
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,764
and just have fun at the state fair.

125
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,683
You mean state unfair.

126
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,726
Yeah, right, that's what I meant, Lisa.

127
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,062
- State unfair.
- Zing!

128
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,774
See, Marge?

129
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,026
I told you they could deep fry my shirt.

130
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,988
I didn't say they couldn't.
I said you shouldn't.

131
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,740
Step right up and see Duncan,

132
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,201
the Incredible Diving Horse!

133
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,372
I wish people would stop
telling me to step right up.

134
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,462
Looks like he's ready to dive, folks!

135
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,597
Another incredible performance

136
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,600
by this water-loving wonder horse!

137
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,144
What's that, Duncan?

138
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,646
You say you want to dive again?

139
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:01,856
Well...

140
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,529
This is clearly a case of animal cruelty.

141
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,989
Uh, do you have a permit for that?

142
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,950
No problem, sir. It's in my car.

143
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,623
You got to stop being so trusting, Chief.

144
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,209
I'd rather let 1,000 guilty men go free

145
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,127
than chase after them.

146
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,004
All right, show's over, folks.

147
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,380
I'm afraid this horse is going

148
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,840
to the dog food factory.

149
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,343
Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food.

150
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,886
You can't do that to Duncan.

151
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,055
It's not his fault
that his owner was a sleaze.

152
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,431
Look, I just want the horse

153
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,892
to have a good home or be food.

154
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,977
If you want to take him, fine with me.

155
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,279
Should the Simpsons get a horse?

156
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,572
Excuse me, but I believe

157
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,407
this family already had a horse

158
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:56,244
and the expense forced Homer
to work at the Kwik-E-Mart

159
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,995
with hilarious consequences.

160
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,957
Anybody care what this guy thinks?

161
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,166
No!

162
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,212
Tunnel!

163
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,555
Oh, my. Oh.

164
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:19,767
It's going to cost us $500
a week to keep Duncan.

165
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,936
But he'll bring us joy, Marge...

166
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,854
Unlike all your silly gewgaws.

167
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,273
At least you don't have to feed

168
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,733
any of the stuff I bought at the fair...

169
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,318
Well, except the mop.

170
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,907
Marge, your pro-mop, anti-horse agenda

171
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,701
has been clear for some time.

172
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,495
But don't worry, I have a way
for Duncan to earn his keep.

173
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,960
Mm, that's terrific, Duncan.

174
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:47,795
You're 10 for 10.

175
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,297
Now let's look in the rule book

176
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,966
and see if horses can play in the NFL.

177
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,176
He's a diving horse...

178
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,595
Maybe he could dive for pearls.

179
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,263
Pearls, eh?

180
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,478
Breakfast is served.

181
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,410
Hey, Dad?

182
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:20,411
This horse is pretty fast.

183
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,912
Maybe we can race him.

184
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,956
Racehorse, eh?

185
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,462
Dear Mr. President...

186
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:30,880
What are you doing, Lisa?

187
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,632
Writing a letter to President Clinton

188
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,426
about that travesty of a band contest.

189
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:38,638
As a fellow sax player,
I'm sure he'll be outraged.

190
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,806
Honey, don't get obsessed with that.

191
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,516
Focus on the good things...

192
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,602
Like this fire extinguisher
I got at the fair...

193
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,480
Mom, really it's...
Hey, what are you doing?

194
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:51,108
It's the only fire extinguisher

195
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,654
endorsed by both Lynda Carter
and George Foreman.

196
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:58,366
I wonder what would happen
if they had a baby?

197
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,413
Dad, if we're going to race Duncan

198
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,207
shouldn't we hire a professional trainer?

199
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,584
Son, I learned everything I needed to know

200
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,211
from The Horse Whisperer.

201
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:13,297
Step one... seduce a lonely housewife.

202
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,382
Ma'am.

203
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,385
Now for the actual horse whispering.

204
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:22,014
When the race starts, run really fast.

205
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,486
Aw, come on! Come on!
There's got to a winner

206
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,646
on this floor somewhere.

207
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,564
Bingo!

208
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,067
Hey, let go, you lousy, stinkin'...

209
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:34,985
What?

210
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,198
You're...

211
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,242
beau-tee-full.

212
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,704
Uh-oh. This is a serious medical problem.

213
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:45,871
Uh, I got to go.

214
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,750
Just once I'd like to ride clockwise.

215
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,627
Really? I thought I was the only one.

216
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:56,716
Champion horse coming through.

217
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,342
What the...

218
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,220
Good horse. Here's one taco

219
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,347
and you'll get another when you win.

220
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,183
Hey, where do you get those
metal dealies for his feet?

221
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,269
You mean horseshoes?

222
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,938
Hey, what's with the attitude?
I just want some dealies.

223
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,524
You really think that horse can
run a mile and a half?

224
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,651
He ran all the way here.

225
00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,034
You can do it, Duncan.

226
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,370
I don't care if your odds are...

227
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,123
five million to one? Oh...

228
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,458
Don't worry, boy.

229
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,209
I'll love you even if you don't win.

230
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,507
That horse better win

231
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,094
or we're taking a trip to the glue factory

232
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,846
and he won't get to come.

233
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,014
Yeah, that's a great tour,

234
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,183
but you can't see it all in one day.

235
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,809
Hey, be quiet.

236
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,394
And away they go!

237
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,104
- Go, Duncan!
- Go, number five!

238
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,290
- Go number five!
- Do it for Lenny!

239
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:54,440
It's Chock Full o' Drugs,

240
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,941
followed closely by Stalker

241
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,319
with Old Levis fading fast.

242
00:12:58,402 --> 00:12:59,695
What's this?

243
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,447
Number five, Duncan,

244
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,949
the horse no one expected to do anything

245
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,367
isn't doing anything!

246
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,453
He hasn't even left the starting gate!

247
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,954
Come on, boy. I know you're scared,

248
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,038
but you can do this.

249
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,332
I believe in you!

250
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,419
Would you look at this?

251
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,254
The straggler, Duncan,

252
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,048
has exploded out of the gate

253
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,758
and is making a big move!

254
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:24,053
He's showing more heart
than any horse I've ever seen!

255
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,764
What a shame the race is already over.

256
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:35,898
Cheer up, son.

257
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:36,982
I thought you looked

258
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,734
damn good out there.

259
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,735
Oh, wait.

260
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,529
You were number five?

261
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,365
Ew! You st...

262
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,242
Damn good.

263
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,038
Duncan's really fast, Dad.

264
00:13:51,121 --> 00:13:53,165
He was just intimidated
by those other horses.

265
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,085
Well, he's not going
to be intimidated anymore.

266
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,546
We're going to toughen him up.

267
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,339
Give him a new bad-ass attitude.

268
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,550
All those other horses will be shaking

269
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,593
in their horse dealies.

270
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,347
Hello. I'd like to speak
to President Clinton, please.

271
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,766
I wrote to him, and he never wrote back.

272
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,852
No, I don't want Al Gore.

273
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:16,230
Lisa, you've got to learn
that life isn't always fair.

274
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,274
Try to channel your disappointment

275
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,900
into something creative

276
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,277
like a sampler.

277
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,489
Is that Duncan?

278
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,866
Not anymore.

279
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,034
Ladies, say hello to...

280
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,744
Furious D?

281
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,121
He's the bad boy of racing.

282
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,622
He's got attitude and bad-itude.

283
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:34,832
So show him some latitude

284
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,125
and you'll win his gratitude.

285
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,294
Only in America.

286
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,671
You used my bracelet for a nose ring!

287
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,090
Possessions are fleeting.

288
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,929
Why, look at that disgraceful beast.

289
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,306
Good lord.

290
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,141
What has become of the sport of kings?

291
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,267
Get bent.

292
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,437
That's my third monocle this week.

293
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,814
I simply must stop being so horrified.

294
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,443
So many horses.

295
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,904
I don't know who to vote for.

296
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,427
Can't I just bet that all the horses

297
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,740
will have a fun time?

298
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,617
Yeah, I think you want that line.

299
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,664
Whoa. He looks scary.

300
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,708
Yeah, I'm shaking in my silks.

301
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:21,979
Don't listen to them, D. Just remember,

302
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,589
you've got a new persona.

303
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,550
A new per-so-na.

304
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,721
And away they go.

305
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,517
OK, Lisa, I've got
Furious D across the board

306
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,144
boxed with the three and the eight

307
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,979
and wheeled up and down.

308
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,982
Mom, I think you might be
developing a gambling problem.

309
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,400
Hey, I'm watching you.

310
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:44,484
They're tightly bunched

311
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,986
as they round the far turn.

312
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,196
Wait a minute.

313
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,031
Hang on to your monocles

314
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,574
'cause Furious D

315
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,243
is closing like a horse possessed.

316
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,458
That's it, D. Don't let anyone
push you around.

317
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,293
Be as bad as you want to be.

318
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,630
And the winner... Furious D.

319
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:11,679
Oh, man, that horse
don't take no guff from nobody.

320
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,889
- Guff?
- I mean, sh...

321
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,516
Whoo-hoo!

322
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,477
In your little faces!

323
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,149
He's going the distance.

324
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,859
He's going for speed.

325
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,946
Because he's racing and pacing.

326
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,239
And plotting the course.

327
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,532
He's fighting and biting.

328
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,242
And riding on his horse.

329
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,661
He's going the distance.

330
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,669
Man, I got more trophies

331
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,547
than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined.

332
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,215
You're quite a trainer, Mr. Simpson.

333
00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,718
Care to join us for a beer
in the jockey's lounge?

334
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,679
I've been waiting
all my life to hear that.

335
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,597
Hey, where'd you go?

336
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,349
Little man?

337
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,353
What happened?

338
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,817
What is this place?

339
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,946
Welcome to the secret land of the jockeys.

340
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,535
Why are you talking like that?

341
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,704
These are our real voices.

342
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,165
We only talk like this
on your surface world.

343
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,000
But you're respected athletes.

344
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,919
You own car dealerships
and marry beauty queens.

345
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,337
All a lie.

346
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,089
What woman would marry us?

347
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,632
We're freaks.

348
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,969
Freaks... Freaks... Freaks...

349
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,598
We are the jockeys jockeys are we.

350
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,810
We live underground
in a fiberglass tree.

351
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,401
'Tween earth and hell we reign supreme.

352
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:53,489
On toadstool thrones
by a chocolate stream.

353
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,285
But all is not well in jockey town.

354
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:03,624
Your renegade horse is making us frown.

355
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,209
What do you want me to do?

356
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,960
Your horse must lose.

357
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,962
My horse must lose?

358
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,714
No win... No show... No place...

359
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,635
Just lose the stinkin' race.

360
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:17,262
And what if I refuse to lose?

361
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,139
We'll eat your brain.

362
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:25,229
My horse must lose!

363
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,235
Did that really happen

364
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,612
or was it just a wonderful dream?

365
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,781
No dream. Lose the race, fat boy.

366
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,242
Son, don't ask why

367
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,910
but you have to lose the big race.

368
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:42,371
You want me to lose the Springfield Derby?

369
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,290
But you always taught me
that winning was everything.

370
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,751
Oh, it is, it is,

371
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:51,171
but we've been pushing
that poor horse too hard.

372
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,382
Maybe, but, if Duncan wins the derby

373
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,634
he can spend the rest
of his days as a stud.

374
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,762
Well, it is a good life, believe me...

375
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,391
All right. We'll give it a shot.

376
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,685
I'll deal with those murderous trolls.

377
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:06,061
I mean...

378
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,522
I'll deal with those murderous trolls.

379
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,774
Welcome
to the Springfield Derby...

380
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:14,862
The fifth and penultimate duel
of racing's triple crown.

381
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,113
Good luck today, Bill.

382
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,701
And away they go.

383
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,871
Furious D takes the early lead.

384
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,082
What a shameful display

385
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,750
by these tiny hotheads.

386
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,836
Let's try to remember
the good little people

387
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,714
like James Madison
or Oscar-winner Linda Hunt.

388
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,426
Ow! Ack! Ow!

389
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,470
Oh, I, uh... what's going on?

390
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,391
Could it be? In a bizarre twist,

391
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,476
a horse is abusing a jockey.

392
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,769
Might this be the start of

393
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,897
a terrifying Planet of the Horses?

394
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,400
In this announcer's opinion,
almost certainly yes,

395
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,152
and away I go.

396
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:00,157
Go, son!

397
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,742
Do it for the normals!

398
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,080
I can't stress enough how easy it was

399
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,626
to win this prestigious race
and furthermore...

400
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,756
Hollywood is leading our kids
down a moral sewer. Got to go.

401
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,476
You must die!

402
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,104
Hey, need any help, Homer?

403
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,272
No, we're cool.

404
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,484
Marge, now!

405
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,660
Son, go get me a trash bag.

406
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,411
- Hey!
- Let us out!

407
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,288
- Let me out of here!
- Please!

408
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,790
We'll give you gold!

409
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,750
Now that you're champion

410
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,752
you have your pick of the fillies.

411
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,676
Yeah, she's the best.

412
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:04,513
Whoo, can you imagine
her face on her body?

413
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,101
President Clinton?

414
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,561
Yeah, hi. I'm here to see Lisa Simpson.

415
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,689
You read my letter?

416
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,357
Much of it, yeah,

417
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,151
and those glow-sticks
were wrong, very wrong.

418
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,362
So I've personally overturned the results

419
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,822
of that band contest.

420
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:22,990
Congratulations.

421
00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,449
Thank you, Mr. President.

422
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,034
No, thank you, Lisa,

423
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,703
for teaching kids everywhere

424
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,912
a valuable lesson.

425
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,539
If things don't go your way

426
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,417
just keep complaining
until your dreams come true.

427
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,210
That's a pretty lousy lesson.

428
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,838
Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

429
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:29,514
Worst episode ever.

430
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,142
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