1 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:06,548 The Simpsons. 2 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,417 You're watching PBS. 3 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,504 You're watching PBS? 4 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,005 Hey, I'm as surprised as you, 5 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,759 but I've stumbled upon the most delicious British sitcom. 6 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:34,761 Do shut up? 7 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,054 It's about a hard-drinking 8 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,431 yet loving family of soccer hooligans. 9 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,767 If they're not having a go with a bird, 10 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,436 they're having a row with a wanker. 11 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:44,853 Cheeky. 12 00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:47,857 A no feelings. 13 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,485 A no feelings... 14 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,947 Jolly sodding Xmas, Major. 15 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,532 Choke on it! 16 00:01:57,867 --> 00:01:59,911 Ohh, crikey! 17 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,997 You gave me a smash on the noggin last year. 18 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,378 Not in my parlor, you don't! 19 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,922 - Me eye! - I'm scalded, I am! 20 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,094 The mother's the voice of reason. 21 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,470 Here come the cricket bats. 22 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,015 You don't have the cobbles. 23 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:24,853 Classic. 24 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:25,937 Not hard to see why it's. 25 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,522 England's longest-running series. 26 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,732 And, today, we're showing all seven episodes. 27 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,151 Hey, what the hell's going on? 28 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,403 If you like great PBS programs 29 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,738 like Do Shut Up and Shut Your Gob, 30 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,991 you'll want to support our pledge drive. 31 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,784 Pledge drive? Ugh! 32 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,161 That's right, Betty White. 33 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,370 Absolutely. 34 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:46,124 If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, 35 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,333 you are a thief. 36 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,585 A common thief. 37 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,253 OK, take it easy, Betty. 38 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,922 Sorry, but these thieves make me so damn mad. 39 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,216 You know who you are. Thieves! 40 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,718 You're mad? Where's my show? 41 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:59,179 And now it's time to go back to Do Shut Up. 42 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,346 - Finally. - But first... 43 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,182 With your donation, 44 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,684 you'll receive this classic PBS tote bag. 45 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,061 Or this umbrella featuring a picture 46 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,855 of our classic tote bag. 47 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:12,734 And the next 20 callers will get this album of museum noises. 48 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,445 Now your music room can sound just like. 49 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,447 The Metropolitan Museum in New York. 50 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:22,702 Outstanding. 51 00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,162 Why are you torturing me? 52 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,371 I'm just a man! 53 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,373 You know, I've worked with so many 54 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,334 legendary actors over the years 55 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,920 who could be counted on to "phone it in." 56 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,047 Well, now, it's your turn 57 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,883 to phone it in... your pledge, that is. 58 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,218 Please. Please! 59 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:42,430 We're only $10,000 away from returning to our show. 60 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,641 Well, why didn't you say so? 61 00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:50,271 Yes, I'd like to pledge $10,000 62 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,356 to get them to shut up. 63 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,024 From anonymous. 64 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:54,901 Done and done. 65 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,903 Dad, you don't have $10,000. 66 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,238 Aw, how they going to find me? 67 00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:04,661 Folks, we just reached our goal of $10,700, 68 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,622 and it's all thanks to one generous caller 69 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,374 who didn't leave his name. 70 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876 But thanks to Insta-Trace, 71 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,505 we learned it's Homer Simpson, of 742 Evergreen Terrace. 72 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,758 Oh, why did I register with Insta-Trace? 73 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,428 Our pledge-enforcement van will be at his house in moments. 74 00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:23,792 Uh-oh. You got to help me, Bart. 75 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,557 That's it, boy. Go get help. 76 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,392 D-oh! 77 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,821 OK, Homer, don't panic. 78 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,073 Let me do the talking. 79 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,617 Here he is, folks... 80 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:48,246 The man who saved PBS... Homer Simpson! 81 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,127 Mom, Dad's on PBS. 82 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:57,380 Hmm? They don't show police chases, do they? 83 00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,967 Um... It's an honor to give $10,000. 84 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:04,887 Especially now, when the rich mosaic of cable programming 85 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:09,642 has made public television so very, very unnecessary. 86 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,688 From now on, one of us always stays home. 87 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:14,605 Agreed. 88 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,190 Well said, Homer. 89 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,818 And now for the moment of generosity. 90 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:19,986 Will cash be OK? 91 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,237 Absolutely. 92 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,948 Well, then we got a problem. The banks are closed by now. 93 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,116 It's 12:15. 94 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,952 Maybe your movie star banks are open crazy hours, 95 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,163 but we in Springfield are simple folk. 96 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,082 We like our cars fast and our banks closed. 97 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,086 OK, fine, we'll go down there, 98 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,504 but they're not going to be open. 99 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:43,176 Yeah... It's a real ghost town in there. 100 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:45,677 Get in there. 101 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:51,267 I'd like to withdraw $10,000, please. 102 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,602 "You are on television. 103 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,685 Please play along." 104 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:54,728 Are you robbing me? 105 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,189 I'll pay you later. 106 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,232 Um, is there a problem, Mr. Simpson? 107 00:05:58,316 --> 00:05:59,400 Uh. Why, no. 108 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,735 Everything is just... 109 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,741 Oh! I can't do it! 110 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:09,035 I can't kill a man. 111 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,207 You don't have the money, do you, Homer? 112 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,044 And you thought you could stab your problems away? 113 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,089 Silly goose. Why didn't you say so? 114 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:22,757 Get him, boys. 115 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,051 Ah! The hooligans! 116 00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,552 Bash his eyes out! 117 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,811 It's a beautiful day 118 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,479 to kick your ass! 119 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,313 You die now! 120 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,742 Bingo! 121 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,375 Sanctuary! 122 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,544 Sanctuary! 123 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:02,964 Oh, why did I teach him that word? 124 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,133 Quick, you got to hide me from PBS. 125 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,260 Their bloodthirsty pursuit is made possible 126 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:08,761 by a grant from the Chubb Group. 127 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,390 Give us the money! 128 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,851 Elmo knows where you live. 129 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,269 Please help me. I'll do anything. 130 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:17,353 I'll light a candle. 131 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,313 I'll help with your next charity scam. 132 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,107 The word is "drive." 133 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,400 Sure, sure. Bob's your uncle. 134 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:23,985 Let's just get out of here. 135 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,236 Open the door! 136 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,327 Nothing to see here, people. 137 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,620 Just headed down to the dump 138 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,081 with these children's letters to god. 139 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,007 We'll send you someplace safe 140 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,800 till the heat dies down. 141 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,635 Great, but why am I on a plane? 142 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,805 Homer, how would you like to be a missionary 143 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,223 in the South Pacific? 144 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,892 South Pacific? I didn't agree to... 145 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,064 Wa-Wait! I'm no missionary. 146 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,150 I don't even believe in Jebus. 147 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,568 Let me out! 148 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,028 Sorry. No can do. 149 00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:14,118 Oh, save me, Jebus! 150 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,844 Well... little piece there. 151 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,349 So, you said on the phone 152 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:37,892 you had something to tell me? 153 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,560 Hmm? Oh, yes. 154 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,854 Your husband's in Microatia. 155 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:42,980 Microatia? 156 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,524 That's 12,000 miles away. 157 00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,984 Uh-huh. He needed to get away for a while. 158 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,196 I suggested missionary work, and he jumped at the idea. 159 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,697 Missionary work? 160 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:52,907 He's dead, isn't he? 161 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,618 No, no. You can even keep in touch with him 162 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,036 on this ham radio. 163 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,956 Jebus, where are you? 164 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,457 Homer to Jebus. 165 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,219 This doesn't look so bad. 166 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,139 Aw... Hi, there, little fella. 167 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:25,940 Welcome aboard, brother. 168 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,066 You must be Homer. 169 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,609 I'm Craig. That's Amy. 170 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,069 Well, see ya. 171 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,028 You're leaving? 172 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,572 Wait! What do I do here? 173 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,282 First of all, forget everything 174 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,075 you learned in missionary school. 175 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,034 Done. 176 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,198 We taught them some English 177 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,788 and ridiculed away most of their beliefs. 178 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,832 So, you can take it from there. Bye. 179 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,750 Don't let the bed bugs bite. 180 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,543 Seriously. 181 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,551 Me Homer. 182 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,595 Me hiding from PBS. 183 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,889 I am Qtoktok, and this is Ak. 184 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,727 Welcome, Reverend Homer. 185 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,062 We look forward to learning about the Bible from you. 186 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,732 Here you go. Knock yourself out. 187 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:08,816 We cannot read. 188 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,943 Oh! Does the word "jet lag" 189 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,403 mean anything to you people? 190 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,488 Jet... lag. 191 00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,119 Are you enjoying your ox testicle? 192 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,163 Oh, yes. Very much so. 193 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,246 Really? 194 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,791 You sure you wouldn't rather have a coconut? 195 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,710 They're delicious. 196 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,793 No. I'm good. 197 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,717 Hey, what happened to all the shirtless girls 198 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,594 you see in all the geographical magazines? 199 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,555 Craig and Amy gave us the gift of shame. 200 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,475 All the naked women are on that island. 201 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,145 Yeah, anything goes over there. 202 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,228 Bouncy, bouncy. 203 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,191 What was that? 204 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,734 Oh, we call that... 205 00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:57,448 Sorry, fishbone in my throat. 206 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,783 We call that "earthquake." 207 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,702 Great. Now my testicle's got ants on it. 208 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,831 Thanks, sweetheart. 209 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,915 Have a Bible. 210 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,501 My name's Homer. 211 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,418 What's yours? 212 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,004 I am Oovilu-Eeoo-Kitana-Wanjay. 213 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,758 I'm going to call you Lisa Junior. 214 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,719 So, what do you do for fun around here? 215 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,514 Craig and Amy were digging a well. 216 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,725 Craig and Amy were also building a chapel. 217 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,936 "Craig and Amy, Craig and Amy." 218 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,646 Why don't you just marry Craig and Amy? 219 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,440 I told you we should have asked them. 220 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,275 Oh, how's the TV reception here? 221 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,193 Excellent or...? 222 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,986 T... V? 223 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,113 You don't have TV? 224 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,699 But what will I watch while I'm sitting on the couch? 225 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,409 Cou-ouch? 226 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,244 No couches either? 227 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,413 Oh, man, I need a beer. 228 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,209 Oh, god! Oh, god! 229 00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,502 Oh, god! Oh, god! 230 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:52,878 Oh, god, oh, god. 231 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,380 Oh, god, oh, god. 232 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,848 Nothing. 233 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,350 Here we go. 234 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,477 Ee... Yeah. 235 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,229 Homer? 236 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,605 Homer! 237 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,399 Huh? What the...? 238 00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,609 Hello! Hello! Hello! 239 00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,820 Is there anybody in there? 240 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,238 Marge! 241 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,032 Homer, are you all right? 242 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,160 I guess so, but that first month was pretty rough. 243 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,911 You've only been gone two days. 244 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,330 Really? Without TV, it's hard to know 245 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,166 when one day begins and the other ends. 246 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,250 I miss you, Dad. 247 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,127 Mom won't let me read Hagar the Horrible. 248 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,254 I just don't think it's funny. 249 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:38,048 Mmm, I can see the house is falling apart without me 250 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,300 so here's the new order: 251 00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,385 Bart, you're the man of the house. 252 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,970 Lisa, I'm promoting you to boy. 253 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,139 Maggie's now the brainy girl. 254 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,622 The toaster can fill in for Maggie. 255 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,893 And, Marge, you're a consultant. 256 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,937 - Dad? - Yes, boy? 257 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,690 I just want to tell you how proud I am that you're showing 258 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,275 an interest in your fellow man. 259 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,735 Really? 260 00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,153 You're proud of me? 261 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:00,362 Oh, yes. 262 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,115 The whole town thinks you're a real humanitarian. 263 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,534 Ned Flanders is green with envy. 264 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,703 Oh, really? 265 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,665 Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got some civilization 266 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,293 to spread like butter on the English muffin 267 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:18,214 that is these people, with all their little nooks and crannies. 268 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,174 Dad, are you licking toads? 269 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,134 I'm not not licking toads. 270 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,136 Well, it's time to get to work. 271 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,056 Humanitarian Homer Simpson, over and out. 272 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,774 Gather 'round, everyone. 273 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:39,109 I'm going to teach you about religion. 274 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,445 Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god. 275 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,697 Please, please, that's not necessary. 276 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,741 I'm just God's messenger. 277 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,453 And lo, what a wondrous message it is. 278 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:53,833 Like this, from the book of... P-salms. 279 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,378 God will shatter the heads of his enemies. 280 00:13:57,461 --> 00:14:01,131 The hairy crown of those who walk in their guilty ways. 281 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,384 That you may bathe your feet in blood. 282 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,763 As true today as it was when it was written. 283 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,515 Now, let's open it up to some "Q" and "A." 284 00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:11,976 Yes, Lisa Junior? 285 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,436 Amy said there are lots of religions. 286 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,604 Which is the right one? 287 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,981 Well, not the Unitarians. 288 00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,316 If that's the one true faith, I'll eat my hat. 289 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,819 Um, if the Lord is all powerful 290 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,572 why does he care whether we worship him or not? 291 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,532 Ak just saying. 292 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,784 Well, Ak, it's because. 293 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,704 God is powerful but also insecure 294 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,790 like Barbra Streisand before James Brolin. 295 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,625 Oh, he's been a rock. 296 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,296 Oh, who am I kidding? 297 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,006 The truth is, I'm no missionary. 298 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,049 I work in a nuclear power plant. 299 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,720 Ooh, tell us all you know about nuclear power. 300 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,266 Look, the point is, I want to help 301 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,351 but you don't need a well or a chapel 302 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,978 or an immunization center. 303 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,397 What you need is a little razzle-dazzle. 304 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,276 Qtoktok, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 305 00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,277 I am Ak. 306 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,987 Hey, that's great. 307 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,070 Now let's get to work. 308 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,326 Now, if the Flintstones has taught us anything 309 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,245 it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement. 310 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,414 Come on, little friend, make a wisecrack. 311 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,334 You know, "it's a living," that sort of thing. 312 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,377 Oopsie. 313 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,841 - Hiya, Homer. - That's not Homer. 314 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,093 It's got to be. He's parking in Homer's space. 315 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,682 Well, time to get to work. 316 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:36,352 - Simpson. - D-ah! 317 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,704 I've just reviewed your ten-year 318 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,356 performance record, and it's appalling. 319 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,523 But I'm not Homer Simpson. 320 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,901 I think I know who Homer Simpson is. 321 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,611 In ten short years, 322 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,905 you've caused 17 meltdowns. 323 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,406 - One is too many. - Yeah, but... 324 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,908 You sold weapons-grade plutonium 325 00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:53,327 - to the Iraqis with no markup. - But... 326 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,870 And worst of all, you took 327 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,538 the Hamburglar's birthday off 328 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,958 last Monday and Wednesday. Which is it? 329 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,918 Now my voice is giving out 330 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,420 so I'm just going to poke you for the next hour or so. 331 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:11,345 Friends, when I came here one month ago 332 00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,473 this seemed like a strange and frightening place. 333 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,767 But now I've learned to love this island 334 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:17,851 as my second... 335 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,852 A plane! 336 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,313 Stop! Get me off this stinking rock! 337 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:26,652 Anyhow, I'm about to share with you a modern-day miracle... 338 00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,904 Something that has revitalized cities 339 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,573 from east St. Louis to Biloxi, Mississippi... 340 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:36,704 The magic medicine of... casino gambling! 341 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,959 "The Lucky Savage?" 342 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,919 It could be you. 343 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:46,588 Check it out. 344 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,840 There's Island Blackjack, 345 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:48,841 Island Craps, 346 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,259 Island Texas hold them... 347 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,343 But if like me... 348 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,053 You're mesmerized by pretty colors 349 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,263 and spinning things... 350 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,973 You'll prefer roulette. 351 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,142 Four sand dollars on number six, please. 352 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:05,565 So, how you doing? 353 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,525 Staying out of trouble? 354 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:07,608 Yes, sir. 355 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,361 - Number six. - Whoo-hoo! 356 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,281 D-oh! 357 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,659 Now, over here, I've brewed up my favorite beverage, beer. 358 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,787 It's mostly Dristan and holy water, but it does the job. 359 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,957 Mmm, ooga booga. 360 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,085 So, have fun, everybody. 361 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,462 And who knows? 362 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,006 Maybe you'll hit the jackpot, get off this island 363 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:32,801 and spend the rest of your days in a tropical paradise. 364 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,978 Homer, I'm so impressed. 365 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,355 Everything you're doing sounds so rewarding. 366 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,733 Oh, you should have seen their faces, honey. 367 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,527 Now I know how Bob Stupak feels. 368 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,492 Is everybody happy? 369 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,628 Oh, my god. 370 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,798 How can Ace be one and 11? 371 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,051 What kind of god would allow that? 372 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,687 Oh, what happened? 373 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,606 I gave you a glittering Vegas 374 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:31,276 and you turned it into a skanky Atlantic city. 375 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,487 Your alcohol and inexpensive buffets 376 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,570 have corrupted us. 377 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,532 I don't even like macaroni salad 378 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,033 but look at me! 379 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:44,789 Please help us. 380 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,667 Our island has not been this damaged 381 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,252 since the A-bomb tests. 382 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,677 Guess who I saw at the supermarket today. 383 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,678 Can it wait? 384 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,804 I just got off work. 385 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,764 I'm sorry, honey, I just thought... 386 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,183 Don't you do enough yakking at the beauty parlor? 387 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,434 That's it, Bart. 388 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,812 You're taking this man-of-the-house thing too far. 389 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:09,022 You're right. I'm sorry. Tell you what... 390 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,542 Saturday night we'll go out for steaks, 391 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,567 just you and me. 392 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,361 A night out is a night out. 393 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,959 Why are you building chapel? 394 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,336 Because you're all terrible sinners. 395 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,421 Since when? 396 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,714 Since I got here. 397 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,258 Now, either grab a stone or go to hell. 398 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,351 Well, I may not know much about God, 399 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:50,439 but I have to say, we built a pretty nice cage for him. 400 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,692 These are from the children. 401 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,403 Thanks to you, they finally have a place to pray. 402 00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,032 And I'm in a gambling program 403 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,241 for real, this time. 404 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,784 How many times must we 405 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,578 go to church to avoid hell? 406 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,955 Every Sunday for the rest of our lives. 407 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,917 No, really? 408 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,048 Not bad, Lisa Junior. 409 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,384 But god's palace is way up on the moon 410 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,887 so if we want him to hear us 411 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,348 we've got to crank up the volume. 412 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,558 You hear me, Lord? 413 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,685 Homer's doing your work. 414 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,480 I'm the greatest missionary 415 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,024 of all time! 416 00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:59,591 Oh, no. This looks like the end. 417 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,098 Oh, that Homer... 418 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,683 Always getting into trouble 419 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:09,268 and if you're one of the millions 420 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,978 who enjoys his adventures... 421 00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,813 Or should I say, misadventures... 422 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,815 It's time to show your support. 423 00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,442 Sure, Fox makes a fortune from advertising, 424 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,319 but it's still not enough. 425 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,612 Not nearly enough. 426 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:24,199 So if you don't want to see crude, lowbrow programming 427 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,076 disappear from the airwaves... 428 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,036 Please, call now. 429 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:31,707 Hello. Murdoch here. 430 00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,584 Ten thousand dollars? 431 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,628 You've saved my network. 432 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,171 Wouldn't be the first time. 433 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,513 Save me, Jebus! 434 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,683 Captioned by Visual Data Media Services