1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:06,548
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,251
How much farther
to the campground?

3
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,420
Let's see,
judging from the bug buildup

4
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:28,880
we're getting close.

5
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,465
I'm not sure mosquito season

6
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,176
is the best time to visit Larva Lake.

7
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,805
Folks, you're gonna
want to turn around.

8
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,099
The bugs are firmly in charge.

9
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,558
- What?
- Please, just go.

10
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,042
They've taken the Visitors' Center.

11
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,436
They ate the comment book!

12
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,938
All right. Geez.

13
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,279
Ay! Hey! My class ring!

14
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,032
Oh, thanks a lot.

15
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,618
Hey, an Indian casino.

16
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,620
God bless Native America.

17
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,628
Let's go, Marge.
Come on, come on, come on.

18
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,214
Homer, you know I had
a gambling problem.

19
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,508
Well, what better place
to celebrate your recovery

20
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,135
than amidst
the frenzied excitement

21
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,845
of the casino floor?

22
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,305
Lisa?

23
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,642
Ah, something troubles me
about Indian gaming.

24
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,811
On the one hand,
the revenue helps the tribe...

25
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:26,479
Sure we can't talk you into it?

26
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,733
- No minors.
- Yeah, but I really want to...

27
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,068
Sorry, son.

28
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,903
Although they seem strange to us

29
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,406
we must respect the ways
of the Indian.

30
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,616
Hi-how-are-ya, hi-how-are-ya,

31
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,785
hi-how-are-ya, hi-how-are-ya.

32
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,871
I got to get in that casino.

33
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,293
The Great Gabbo
demands a free night

34
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,378
in the Presidential Suite
while performing.

35
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,797
We'll give you a free pass
to the pasta bar.

36
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,967
The Great Gabbo
accepts your terms.

37
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:10,690
Quiet, Gabbo.

38
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,902
I'd like to introduce you
to my little wooden friend.

39
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,362
He's in his box, pining away.

40
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,992
Say hello to...

41
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,705
Gabbo, you've become a real boy!

42
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:26,956
All right!

43
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,750
Time for some underage gambling.

44
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:29,876
So long, sucker.

45
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,054
Your linen service has broken
many promises to us.

46
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:43,348
Laundry bills soar like eagle.

47
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,432
Jerk.

48
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,435
So...

49
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,104
You like to sneak into casinos.

50
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,481
I wasn't going to gamble.

51
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,774
I just wanted a Bloody Mary.

52
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,150
Listen to me.

53
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,569
Unless you change
your deceitful ways

54
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,989
I foresee a life of bitterness
and failure for you...

55
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,073
Bart Simpson.

56
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,492
How'd you know my name?

57
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,078
Your father just took out
a second mortgage downstairs.

58
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,579
You're listed as collateral.

59
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,999
Oh, I thought maybe you were
some kind of Indian mystic

60
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,334
who could tell the future.

61
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:12,794
Who says I'm not?

62
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:13,877
Whoa!

63
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,631
If you want to see your future

64
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:19,467
throw a treasured
personal item into the fire.

65
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,969
OK.

66
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,429
Not a firecracker!

67
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,682
Hey, I bought it from a guy
on your reservation.

68
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,016
That's Crazy Talk.

69
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,559
- No, it's true.
- No, I know.

70
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,061
That's my brother, Crazy Talk.

71
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,771
We're all
a little worried about him.

72
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,816
Now, look into the flame.

73
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,610
Look ahead 30 years

74
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,737
to the man you will become.

75
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,327
Ew, that's me
in the future?

76
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,454
Quiet.
You're about to say something.

77
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:54,585
Check, check.

78
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,587
Hello, Capital City.

79
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,215
Oh, way to make a guitar, Sears.

80
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,217
Hey, Bart, any clean towels?

81
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,802
Nah. Use this.

82
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,347
I'm sick of having to dry myself
with a newspaper.

83
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,850
You could at least do some laundry.

84
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,059
I pay the rent.

85
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,769
Dude, you know I'm good for it.

86
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,022
I'll have plenty of money
when my lawsuit pays off.

87
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,858
You mean the spider bite
at Disneyland?

88
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,068
Or the incident
with the over-salted fries.

89
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,614
Hologram for Bart Simpson.

90
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,870
Hey, dingus, your band
can play at my club tonight.

91
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:30,121
Yes!

92
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,708
But I can only pay you
in popcorn shrimp.

93
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,293
Smell you later.

94
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,713
I can't believe "smell you later"

95
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,089
replaced "good-bye."

96
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,507
Smell you later.

97
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,051
- Smell you later.
- Smell you later.

98
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,844
All right, we got our first gig!

99
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,555
But you traded your amplifier
for a Boogie Board.

100
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,724
No prob. I'll just mooch
some green off my folks.

101
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:52,602
Should we take the hover bus
or the non-hover bus?

102
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,103
Non-hover.

103
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,570
Bleh! This virtual fudge
tastes like crap.

104
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:06,074
Mmm. Mmm. Not half as good
as cyber-fudge.

105
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:08,493
Yo, it's me.

106
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,624
Oh, what a bleak,
horrible future we live in!

107
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,125
Don't you mean "present"?

108
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,293
Right, right, present.

109
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,253
Anyway, can I get you
some Soylent Green?

110
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,464
Isn't that made of people?

111
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,383
Oh, here we go.

112
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,510
Hey, Dad. My band finally got a break.

113
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,429
I just need a little moolah
to get my amp out of hock.

114
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,139
How about a little loan-ski?

115
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,850
Oh, I'm tired of giving you money.

116
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,977
Why can't you be more like Lisa?

117
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,480
Ugh. I am so sick of hearing about Lisa.

118
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,899
Just because she's doing
a little better than me...

119
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:42,276
She's President of the United States.

120
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,820
President-elect.

121
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,905
I could have been president,
but I'm too real.

122
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,708
People can't deal with
what I'm laying down.

123
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,827
They're like, "Whoa, dude,
you can't say that".

124
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:51,911
And I'm like, "Watch me."

125
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,704
We're not giving you money.

126
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,706
Oh, but I want some.

127
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,250
You should have thought of that

128
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,502
before you dropped out
of the DeVry Institute.

129
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,341
What happened to you, man?
You used to be cool.

130
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,342
I'm still cool.

131
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,761
Nah. You've changed, man.

132
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,930
Well, I do have this robotic prostate,

133
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,557
but you can't see it.

134
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,641
Oh, you can.

135
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,856
Flanders is a soft touch.

136
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,441
He'll give us the money for sure.

137
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,985
Jesus, is that you?

138
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,822
Mr. Flanders, you're blind-e-ded.

139
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:31,367
Ah, yeah, I never should have
had that trendy laser surgery.

140
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,619
It was great at first,
but, you know,

141
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,913
at the ten-year mark your eyes fall out.

142
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,874
- Listen, dude...
- Oh, hi, Bart.

143
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,041
How much this time?

144
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,252
Dude, you got me all wrong.

145
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,004
Yeah.
Just answer me this.

146
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,505
Are you holding your mooching sack?

147
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,340
My little one.

148
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,009
Bart, you're never going to grow up

149
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,385
if I keep bailing you out.

150
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,513
Then, please, help me help myself.

151
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,223
Oh, all right,

152
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,101
but only because you haven't
outed Rod and Todd.

153
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,192
Hey, y'all ready to party?

154
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,615
Now, we'd like to play
a Jimmy Buffet song,

155
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,409
but he un-coolly charges
people to cover them.

156
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,036
So here's a Captain Bart...

157
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,120
Original.

158
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,665
Wasted once more.

159
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,167
In Daquiritaville...

160
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,168
Rip-off!

161
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,045
Get off the stage!

162
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,675
We need more power.

163
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,594
The shield won't hold much longer.

164
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,483
Oh, no, I've got half a beer in there

165
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,193
and Bewitched is on.

166
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,986
Now we've got no home, no money

167
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,571
and our band's going nowhere

168
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,698
and it's all your fault.

169
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,242
Smell you later, Bart.

170
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,910
Smell you later forever.

171
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,206
Oh, he's right.

172
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,332
I'm a loser.

173
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:04,460
There's only one way out of this mess.

174
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,966
From around the globe
to your frontal lobe,

175
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,009
this is Brain Vision News.

176
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,929
Tonight's winning lotto number:
4-4-6.

177
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,305
Damn! I was so close.

178
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,765
I had 3-2-7.

179
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,892
In other news,
President-elect Lisa Simpson

180
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,519
moves into
the White House tomorrow.

181
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,564
The 17-bedroom home
features free long-distance,

182
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,275
laundry service
and three food kitchens.

183
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,860
So, I'm the President's
no-good brother.

184
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,028
"Moochie-moochie."

185
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,907
Lisa's the President?

186
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,534
I'm a pathetic loser?

187
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:37,702
I got to be honest.

188
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,453
I'm not loving this vision.

189
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,790
The fire has more wisdom
to impart to you

190
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,292
in three, two...

191
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,547
1596...

192
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,800
1598...

193
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,596
1600.

194
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,931
Sweet.

195
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,266
Excellent question.

196
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,517
Yes, I am proud to be.

197
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,395
America's first straight female president.

198
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:05,605
Helen?

199
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,149
Wasn't I wearing a hat?

200
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,859
Yes. Yes, you were.

201
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,152
Now, in conclusion,

202
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,863
my administration will focus
on the three R's...

203
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,574
Reading, writing,
and refilling the ocean.

204
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:17,825
Thank you very much.

205
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,457
As you know, we've inherited

206
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:26,792
quite a budget crunch
from President Trump.

207
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,961
How bad is it,
Secretary Van Houten?

208
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,422
We're broke.

209
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,341
The country is broke?

210
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:34,675
How can that be?

211
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,470
Well, remember when
the last administration decided

212
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,764
to invest in our nation's children?

213
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:41,223
Big mistake.

214
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,493
The balanced breakfast program
just created a generation

215
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,311
of ultra-strong super criminals.

216
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,580
And midnight basketball taught them

217
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,314
to function without sleep.

218
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,275
What about my pledge to build
the world's largest bookmobile?

219
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,069
Isn't there any money left for that?

220
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,905
No. And we borrowed
from every country in the world.

221
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,157
Quick, Lisa, call off your...

222
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,868
- Bart!
- Ow! Watch the ponytail.

223
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,203
Let him up, please?

224
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,538
What are you doing here?

225
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,540
I knew you'd need some help
keeping it real

226
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,336
so I figured I could be,
like, your... co-president.

227
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,921
Co-president?

228
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,422
Are you crazy?

229
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,841
Mom, Lisa won't share!

230
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,010
Be nice to your brother, Lisa.

231
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,392
Don't you think
we should wait for Lisa?

232
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,851
She is the President.

233
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,771
She knows what time dinner is.

234
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,280
Sorry I'm late.
I've been racking my brain

235
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,825
trying to think of something
to cut from the budget.

236
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:46,997
Hey, where's Maggie?

237
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,291
Here she is...

238
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,252
And look how big she's gotten.

239
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,630
Aw, just like her mommy, Maggie Senior.

240
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,717
So, what did everyone do today?

241
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,160
Appointed a Supreme Court justice.

242
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,929
- Bewitched marathon.
- Mmm.

243
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,431
Searched for Lincoln's gold.

244
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,015
Dad, that's just a myth.

245
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,601
Lincoln didn't hide any gold
in the White House.

246
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,895
Then what is
his ghost protecting?

247
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,940
Hey, that's my helicopter.

248
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,567
Yeah, I sent it to pick up Ralph,

249
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,650
no one was using it.

250
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,281
I fell out two times.

251
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,033
Bart, you do not send
a billion-dollar helicopter

252
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,744
to pick up your drinking buddy.

253
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,121
You've changed, Lisa,
you used to be cool.

254
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,289
No, I didn't.

255
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,541
I am proud to honor
the players of

256
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,126
the Negro Leagues of Rollerball.

257
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,252
And as we strive

258
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,838
for the desegregation
of all death sports,

259
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,715
we cannot help but be inspired by...

260
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,008
Heads.

261
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,726
Hey, you guys owe me
a Frisbee... a new one.

262
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,352
Bart, get out of here.

263
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,354
Relax, Lis, you'll live longer.

264
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,856
I can't relax.

265
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,816
Being president is hard work.

266
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,919
Maybe you should try doing
something with your life.

267
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,653
- I'm gonna.
- Yeah, did you even call

268
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,405
about that messenger job?

269
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:02,674
Yeah, but they said I wouldn't get

270
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,408
my first check for two weeks.

271
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,453
Meanwhile, they're making
major interest on my salary.

272
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:10,414
Hey, maybe I could sue 'em.

273
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,916
Four score and four,

274
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,876
four score and five, four score and six,

275
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:17,671
four score and seven paces.

276
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,799
Wait! How do you know

277
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,717
this is where
Lincoln buried the gold?

278
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,720
You just started counting
from an arbitrary place.

279
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,888
I started what from a what?

280
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,265
Your plan makes no sense.

281
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,936
Gold bars discovered
by Marge... Zero.

282
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,854
Gold bars discovered by Homer...

283
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,856
Well, let's just see.

284
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,108
Oops. Sorry, honey.

285
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,819
Gold bars discovered by Homer...

286
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:40,820
Shut up.

287
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,696
If I'm going to bail
the country out,

288
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,448
I'll have to raise taxes.

289
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,617
But in my speech, I'd like to avoid

290
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,370
calling it
a "painful emergency tax."

291
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:52,039
What about
"colossal salary grab"?

292
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,833
See, that has the same problem.

293
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,459
We need to soften the blow.

294
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,420
Well, if you just want
to out-and-out lie...

295
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,631
OK.

296
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,174
We could call it

297
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,468
a "temporary refund adjustment."

298
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,387
- I love it.
- Really?

299
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,347
What else do you love, Lisa?

300
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,765
Fiscal solvency.

301
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,809
Oh... Yeah. Me, too.

302
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,172
Thirty seconds, Madam President.

303
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,228
Hey, Lis, I need a favor.

304
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,730
Not now, Bart. I'm about
to speak to 100 million people.

305
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,066
This speech could make
or break my presidency.

306
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,985
I hear you.
All I want you to do

307
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,379
is play my demo tape in the background

308
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,904
while you're yakking
about whatever.

309
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,549
Now, this play button
is a little screwed up,

310
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,907
so you got to hold it down.

311
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,492
- Are you insane?
- What?

312
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,494
You told me I should
do something with my life.

313
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,704
Five seconds.

314
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:34,540
Mom!

315
00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,210
My fellow Americans

316
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,296
and voting illegal aliens,

317
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,881
I will not mince words.

318
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,841
Your country needs you.

319
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:47,845
That's why today I'm proposing
a temporary refund adjustment.

320
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,930
"Refund"? Hey,
sounds good to me.

321
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,181
Sure beats a tax.

322
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,975
We love you, President Simpson.

323
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,603
The months ahead will be
long and arduous.

324
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,605
But it is only
through arduousity that...

325
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,190
If you like refund adjustments.

326
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,359
And the music I play.

327
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,778
Send a check
to my friend, Ralph.

328
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,447
And he'll mail you a tape.

329
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,243
Uh, this is my brother, Bart,

330
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,620
who doesn't seem to realize

331
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,830
this isn't the best
time for his music.

332
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,850
He's one of the people I want
to help with my programs.

333
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,126
Hey, Lis, my music is gonna
make it a lot easier

334
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,170
for America to swallow
your big tax hike.

335
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,838
"Tax hike"?

336
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,048
Hold the phone, Mabel.

337
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,466
You know, I never trusted her.

338
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:26,467
Don't blame me.

339
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,552
I voted for Chastity Bono.

340
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,513
Daylight come
and you want-a my tape.

341
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,975
Tape! He say tape-o.

342
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,603
Post office box 30452.

343
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:38,938
Good night, America.

344
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,230
And we're out.

345
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,024
Why you little...

346
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,943
Help! Secret service!

347
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,451
According to polls,
Americans have emphatically said

348
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:53,702
"smell you later"

349
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,621
to President Simpson's
refund adjustment.

350
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,206
And that's the news.

351
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,041
We'll smell you later at 11:00.

352
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,877
Thanks a lot, Bart.

353
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,730
All right. How do we pay off
our foreign debt?

354
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,589
I'm afraid it looks pretty grim.

355
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,484
We're going to have to give them
the amber waves of grain,

356
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,611
the purple mountains' majesty
and the shores of Tripoli.

357
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,095
We don't own the shores of Tripoli.

358
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,471
Shh. By the time they find out

359
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,181
we'll have taken our cyanide pills.

360
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,432
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

361
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:18,185
Why don't we just invite
our creditor nations here

362
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:21,188
and gently remind them
of America's past generosity?

363
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:23,315
Yeah, now that I like.

364
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,110
Oh, but Bart
could screw everything up.

365
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,403
You want him eliminated?

366
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,904
No. Just keep him
out of my hair.

367
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,781
Out of your hair
with extreme severity?

368
00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,408
- No.
- Come on. Every president

369
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,302
gets three secret murders.
If you don't use them

370
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,086
by the end of the term...
Pbft! They're gone.

371
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,806
All right, which one of you suits

372
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998
ran over my moped?

373
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,809
I just put a dollar's worth
of gas in that thing.

374
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,126
Bart, we're having a meeting.

375
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,269
You had a meeting this morning.

376
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,629
I have a lot of meetings.
I'm the President.

377
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:49,133
Of what? The United States
of Dorksylvania?

378
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,051
Don't leave me hanging, Greenspan.

379
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:54,680
You know something, Bart?

380
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,223
You're right. My lack of coolness

381
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,892
is really holding America back.

382
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,811
Thank you. Down low.

383
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,229
Too slow.

384
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,398
You're too much, Bart.

385
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,068
That's why I'm appointing you
Secretary of Keeping It Real.

386
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:10,529
Wow. You're really asking
for my help?

387
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:11,655
Absolutely.

388
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,073
I want you and your pals

389
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,575
to go away to Camp David

390
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,744
and write up a report on coolness.

391
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,621
Well, if my country needs me...

392
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,622
Can we skinny dip?

393
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,791
At Camp David? Sure.

394
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,377
They couldn't keep pants on Kissinger.

395
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,590
- Peace, peace.
- Settle down.

396
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,258
Settle down!

397
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,927
I invited you guys here
to help me with this report.

398
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,012
Any ideas?

399
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,972
Let's start off with a joke.

400
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,432
I got one. Give me that.

401
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,184
Uh, "What's the difference

402
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,936
between Pakistan and a pancake?

403
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,856
I don't know any pancakes
that were nuked by India."

404
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,485
What? Too soon?

405
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,488
Come on, people.
We got to buckle down here.

406
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,447
When we're finished,

407
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,824
we can go through
Bill Clinton's porno stash.

408
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:10,005
Lisa's counting on me
for this coolness report.

409
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,089
Coolness report?

410
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,092
Huh! You been had, boy.

411
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,551
Billy Carter's ghost?

412
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,553
Damn straight,
and I'm here to tell you

413
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,555
you've been sent on a wild goose chase.

414
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,641
You mean Lisa wanted
to get rid of me?

415
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,059
Well, that's a big 10-4.

416
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,329
When my brother Jimmy was making
peace in the Middle East,

417
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,605
He sent me to
Belly Flop Academy.

418
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,567
- I guess I am an embarrassment.
- You sure are.

419
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,320
And, hey, there's
an embarrassment of riches

420
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,072
at the Caesar's
Pow-Wow Indian Casino.

421
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,366
You can bet on it.

422
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,452
You put an ad in my vision?

423
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,663
Yeah, Crazy Talk came up with that.

424
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:46,166
He got idea from
Dances with Focus Groups.

425
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,465
Marge, I did it!
I found Lincoln's gold!

426
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,138
"Dear countryman,

427
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,848
you have come in search
of my gold

428
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,267
- and I will not disappoint you."
- Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

429
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:07,396
"My gold is in the heart of
every freedom-loving American."

430
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,897
Aw, crap!

431
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,692
"It's in our mighty rivers,
our majestic..."

432
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,485
Well, isn't that clever?

433
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,112
It's a metaphor.

434
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,073
That lying, rail-splitting,

435
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,701
theater-going freak!

436
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,161
Pay your debt!

437
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,244
We demand remittance.

438
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,122
Please! Calm down.

439
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,707
We can work something out.

440
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,251
We Germans
are not a warlike people,

441
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,336
but even we have limits.

442
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,130
Right! Let's bash her noggin.

443
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,673
- Yeah, get her!
- That's the spirit!

444
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,842
You guys should relax.

445
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,427
You'll live longer.

446
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,679
Bart, you're supposed
to be at Camp David.

447
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,323
You're meeting with debt collectors

448
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,557
and you don't want my help?

449
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,517
Do you know how crazy that is?

450
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,437
Guys, the thing is,
we totally have the money

451
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,272
and we tried to wire it to you,

452
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,316
but you know how banks screw up.

453
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,067
I do not understand.

454
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,861
We tried to call you all day Saturday.

455
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,654
We were there Saturday.

456
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:58,822
Dude, I know.

457
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,158
I left a message
with some guy named Hans.

458
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,367
Hans?

459
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,536
He might have been a temp.
Very surly.

460
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,455
We have had a lot of turnover.

461
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,290
You pay now. Now!

462
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,334
What happened to you, China.

463
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:11,585
You used to be cool.

464
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,212
Hey, China is still cool.

465
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,379
You pay later. Later!

466
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,797
Solid. The rest of you,

467
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,674
go on home and look
in your mailboxes,

468
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,843
'cause I totally remember
sending checks out.

469
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,352
Thanks, Bart.

470
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,978
You bought us some time.

471
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,438
What can I do to thank you?

472
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,606
Legalize it.

473
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:33,690
Legalize what?

474
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,195
Oh. Oh, consider it done.

475
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,573
Tasty. That calls for some tune-skis.

476
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,327
Oh, great.

477
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,329
Anyone have a paper clip?

478
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,459
It gets kind of hazy after that.

479
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,211
Why did a vision of my future

480
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,630
include a story about
Homer and Lincoln's gold?

481
00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:57,965
I guess the spirits thought

482
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,234
the main vision was a little thin.

483
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,634
Anyway, the point is

484
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:03,011
you still have the power
to change your future.

485
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,346
I'll do my best.

486
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,681
You're a good kid.

487
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,641
Here's a coupon for some crab claws.

488
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,810
Hey, this is expired.

489
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:14,523
There you are.

490
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,441
Come on. We have to go.

491
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:20,237
Dad pushed a waitress,
and Mom lost $20,000.

492
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:24,304
You're not going to believe it, Lis.

493
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,576
This cool Indian guy
showed me our future.

494
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,161
Really? Anything good?

495
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,997
I'll say. I've got my own band

496
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:30,998
and a moped.

497
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:31,999
What about me?

498
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,084
Eh, some government job.

499
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:22,049
Moochie-moochie.

500
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,053
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