1 00:00:06,565 --> 00:00:08,298 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,252 --> 00:00:13,161 Second grade is a turbulent time. 3 00:00:13,255 --> 00:00:15,514 In gym, I was given a "C" 4 00:00:15,665 --> 00:00:19,243 when I refused to play with the non-vegan football. 5 00:00:19,261 --> 00:00:22,003 And so, I was searching for meaning. 6 00:00:22,097 --> 00:00:23,689 And extra credit. 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:28,585 I found it in the Future Nature Documentarian Day Camp. 8 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,512 I knew two things going in. 9 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,940 I would produce a three-minute documentary 10 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:37,277 and lunch would not be provided. 11 00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:40,430 What I didn't know was that I would become friends 12 00:00:40,449 --> 00:00:43,208 with an eight-armed miracle. 13 00:00:43,435 --> 00:00:44,935 ♪ ♪ 14 00:00:44,953 --> 00:00:49,214 At first, she was shy, like me. 15 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:51,699 Unlike me, most of her brain cells 16 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,886 are located in her tentacles. 17 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,765 Which can smell, taste and even think. 18 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,467 I named her Molly. 19 00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:03,878 She was the most fascinating creature. 20 00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:06,231 A master of camouflage. 21 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:12,571 Her liquid body could slip into the tiniest spaces. 22 00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:14,556 MARGE: (gasps) A shark! 23 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,392 Mom! I'm recording my voice-over. 24 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,745 I wasn't expecting to see a shark. 25 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:21,138 What if it bit you? 26 00:01:21,156 --> 00:01:23,082 Quick, let me do a finger count. 27 00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:25,918 It's a tiny shark. It's not dangerous to people. 28 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,312 I don't like you hanging out with sharks. 29 00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:30,314 You should have land friends. 30 00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:31,590 Noted. 31 00:01:31,741 --> 00:01:36,095 Though Molly and I are both solitary creatures, 32 00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:39,005 -we forged a bond. -(camera shutter clicks) 33 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:41,916 -Mom. -It's so cute. 34 00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,085 SKINNER: Your résumé is impressive. 35 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,270 Very impressive. 36 00:01:45,514 --> 00:01:48,014 You won the Tishman Prize for Classroom Excellence 37 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:51,184 and the Fallberg Prize for Cloakroom Excellence. 38 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,928 I invented a new coat hook. 39 00:01:54,006 --> 00:01:56,356 So, what brings you to Springfield? 40 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,860 Oh, my husband was hired by the Springfield Symphony Orchestra. 41 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:03,029 He's an oboist. He's not great. 42 00:02:03,182 --> 00:02:04,939 But that-that was unsupportive. 43 00:02:05,033 --> 00:02:07,200 He's good. Oboe is hard. 44 00:02:07,353 --> 00:02:10,445 See, for two years I taught in Ghana, 45 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,040 which was so rewarding, but not so much for him. 46 00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:15,709 Ghana doesn't have an orchestra? 47 00:02:15,878 --> 00:02:18,378 Well, they do, but you have to be really good to play in it... 48 00:02:18,530 --> 00:02:21,047 Ooh, n-not that Springfield isn't good. 49 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:26,052 It is a fine regional orchestra, and-and my husband 50 00:02:26,205 --> 00:02:28,372 fits right in. (laughs) 51 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,540 Anyway, that's why we're here. 52 00:02:30,634 --> 00:02:33,877 Uh, uh, would you, uh, excuse us for one moment? 53 00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:36,113 Oh, uh, c-certainly. 54 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:40,884 CHALMERS: Yes. An actual qualified teacher. 55 00:02:40,936 --> 00:02:43,887 SKINNER: And she's stuck here because her husband sucks at oboe. 56 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,055 -CHALMERS: Ha! -SKINNER: Booyah! 57 00:02:45,148 --> 00:02:46,556 (clears throat) Um... 58 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:49,334 obviously, we're meeting with other applicants... 59 00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:52,337 Of course, and I'm meeting with other schools. 60 00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:53,730 No! You're hired, you're hired. 61 00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:56,991 Here's a ninety, uh, three dollar signing bonus. 62 00:02:57,085 --> 00:02:58,418 And you can have his parking spot. 63 00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:01,471 I'll park at the yogurt place. They-they know me there. 64 00:03:03,909 --> 00:03:05,425 (gasps) 65 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,227 Are-are you okay? 66 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,005 Boys, meet your new teacher, Ms. Peyton. 67 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,250 This is Nelson, Milhouse and... 68 00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,360 w-who is that behind that locker? 69 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,844 Just me. Bart. 70 00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:18,939 Bart. Bart. (laughs) 71 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,015 You know, like a seal? 72 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,760 You look familiar. Have we met? 73 00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:25,929 (robotic): No! You are a stranger. 74 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:30,209 Stranger, stranger, overheating alert, alert, alert. 75 00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:31,952 (high-pitched): Shutting down. Self-destruct. 76 00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:34,129 (imitates explosion, whistling) 77 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,327 Bart had Skittles with milk for breakfast. 78 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,598 I told him he couldn't handle the rainbow. 79 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,973 I wanted to chase the shark away, 80 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,977 but the documentarian oath is "never interfere." 81 00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:59,446 It's printed on the T-shirt. 82 00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:04,634 Molly tried to armor herself against the predator. 83 00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:06,394 But it wasn't enough. 84 00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:11,065 As a filmmaker, all I could do was watch in horror 85 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:13,159 and rack focus on the shark. 86 00:04:13,312 --> 00:04:16,646 I hope I made a difference in Molly's short life, 87 00:04:16,665 --> 00:04:18,924 because she will forever be 88 00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:23,077 My Cephalopod Soulmate. 89 00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:25,389 (cheering, applause) 90 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:31,828 Oh, Lisa, your movie was so sad and beautiful. 91 00:04:31,847 --> 00:04:34,088 That poor octomapus. 92 00:04:34,182 --> 00:04:35,665 Your movie really makes you think about 93 00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:38,018 the wondrous creature beneath the batter 94 00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:40,946 and the marinara sauce and the... 95 00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:43,173 (drools) 96 00:04:43,342 --> 00:04:45,859 Mmm, Lisa's friend. 97 00:04:46,011 --> 00:04:48,178 I think I need some time alone. 98 00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:51,665 -Of course. -Oh, sweetie, whatever you need. 99 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,520 (giggling) 100 00:04:56,538 --> 00:04:58,112 I won an award! 101 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:02,092 Well, actually, we won an award. (laughs) 102 00:05:04,029 --> 00:05:06,138 You want to watch it again? 103 00:05:10,552 --> 00:05:12,019 (Lisa grunts) 104 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:19,967 I know, I broke the code and interfered. 105 00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:23,530 Maybe I should give back the trophy. 106 00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:28,142 Or we could do that. Problem solved. 107 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,245 You're so smart. 108 00:05:31,147 --> 00:05:33,147 (sighs) Be patient. 109 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,742 They may test you at first, but it's only because 110 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:38,895 of their terribly sad home lives. 111 00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:42,323 Hello, teachers. My name is Rayshelle Peyton. 112 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,659 This is my first day, so you'll have to tell me 113 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,570 all the inside jokes. 114 00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:51,257 (grunts) I have a ruptured disk, but I can't afford to stay home. 115 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:55,762 (laughs) I can't wait to hear the story behind that. 116 00:05:55,914 --> 00:05:57,764 -Huh? -Show of hands, 117 00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:59,006 who here is familiar 118 00:05:59,101 --> 00:06:00,734 with project-based learning? 119 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,180 The reason I ask: my last school did a project 120 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,607 where each grade built a model 121 00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:09,534 of one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, 122 00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:11,778 and for the next month, all subjects-- 123 00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,021 math, art, history and science-- 124 00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:18,192 were taught by designing and building the project. 125 00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:22,697 If you're undecided, I've got a much longer presentation. 126 00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:24,457 Let me grab my puppets. 127 00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:27,127 Look, whatever is making all this happen, 128 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,113 either adjust the dosage or share. 129 00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:31,948 Oh, I get it. 130 00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,059 You don't want to abandon the lessons 131 00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:36,544 you've already carefully prepared 132 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:41,474 to follow these step-by-step plans. 133 00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:44,127 The lessons are already written out? 134 00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:46,071 This is like the HelloFresh of teaching. 135 00:06:46,298 --> 00:06:48,740 I can be on cruise control for a month. 136 00:06:48,967 --> 00:06:50,725 I'm second grade. What are we making? 137 00:06:50,819 --> 00:06:52,411 -Chichen Itza. -Great. 138 00:06:52,638 --> 00:06:54,913 I'll start by finding out what that is. 139 00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,142 These self-portraits are gonna help me get to know you better. 140 00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:03,088 This way, I get to see you the way you see you. 141 00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:06,166 Wow. 142 00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:08,093 Classic compulsive overachiever. 143 00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:10,503 Relax, this isn't being graded. 144 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,413 I mean, A+. 145 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,748 (sighs) 146 00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:17,436 Uh, this is me beating up Santa until he's my dad. 147 00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:18,753 Ah. 148 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,588 Okay, violent, 149 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,016 but he cares about holidays and family. 150 00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,684 I can work with this. 151 00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:27,504 That's a lot of glue. 152 00:07:27,522 --> 00:07:29,839 How is that part of your self-portrait? 153 00:07:29,858 --> 00:07:32,509 Uh, um, uh-- because, you know, uh... 154 00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:36,362 m-my-my face always has, u-uh, glue on it. 155 00:07:36,515 --> 00:07:38,623 Oh. Really? 156 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,125 Yeah, see? (grunts) 157 00:07:40,202 --> 00:07:42,035 (low-pitched): I am glue-face. 158 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:45,188 I have slept for a thousand years. 159 00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,524 -(grunts) Ow. -PEYTON: Oh! 160 00:07:47,693 --> 00:07:49,876 (low-pitched voice): That did not hurt. 161 00:07:50,028 --> 00:07:53,046 Take me to your principal, I-- Oh! 162 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,640 Glue-face want door. 163 00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:57,717 Glue-face need restroom. 164 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,562 PEYTON: What the hell is wrong with this kid? 165 00:08:05,301 --> 00:08:07,635 -(school bell rings) -Dude, what are you 166 00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:09,395 -doing in there? -I know it's not a sidekick's place 167 00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:12,048 to give notes, but for the past few weeks, 168 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,566 nothing's landing. 169 00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:16,661 Really? I thought milk-nose glitter sneeze landed. 170 00:08:16,888 --> 00:08:19,222 No. It did not land. 171 00:08:19,315 --> 00:08:22,392 -Really hard to look at. -You don't seem in control. 172 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:26,171 We can't laugh at your clowning if we're concerned about you. 173 00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:29,749 Why are you messing with Ms. Peyton? She's nice. 174 00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,085 I don't know why I do stuff, okay? 175 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,996 I don't know why I'm yelling now! 176 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,589 I'm not gonna noogie you, 177 00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:39,834 but when you think about your actions today, 178 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,579 I hope you noogie yourself. 179 00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:43,647 (Bart groans) 180 00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,842 (gasps) How'd you do that? 181 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,602 Wait, no. What are you do-- 182 00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:51,304 No. No, no. Don't do that. 183 00:08:51,456 --> 00:08:53,657 No, no, no. (screams) 184 00:09:00,857 --> 00:09:05,460 (moans) There's supposed to be a Krazy Krusty Ball in here. 185 00:09:06,605 --> 00:09:08,121 -(gasps) -Huh. 186 00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:09,956 That is a crazy ball. 187 00:09:10,108 --> 00:09:11,775 Uh, can I have it? 188 00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:14,678 -Sure. Think fast. -No, don't. 189 00:09:15,872 --> 00:09:18,281 Oh, you inked. 190 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,449 Oh. 191 00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:22,786 Uh, you might not want to eat that cereal. 192 00:09:22,804 --> 00:09:24,396 Hmm? Why not? 193 00:09:24,623 --> 00:09:26,380 Uh, no reason. No. 194 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,217 I'm just gonna go google some toxicology stuff. 195 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,463 (chuckles) Kids love Google. 196 00:09:33,481 --> 00:09:35,148 BART: Huh, using an X-Acto knife 197 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,410 to make the Styrofoam look like stone was a cool idea. 198 00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:41,580 Wait, did I just use "cool" to describe homework? 199 00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,323 What is happening to me? 200 00:09:43,475 --> 00:09:45,125 (gasps) Huh? 201 00:09:47,829 --> 00:09:49,504 (shouts) 202 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,002 This Friday, there's an assembly to present the Seven Wonders. 203 00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:57,578 Your parents will be there, 204 00:09:57,598 --> 00:10:00,599 and they'll judge me based on what you do. 205 00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,416 But no pressure. 206 00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,752 Well, a little pressure. (chuckles) 207 00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:06,329 Pressure makes diamonds. 208 00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:09,608 Anyway, take your projects out and get to work, please. 209 00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:13,144 Milhouse, I love how you carved the Styrofoam 210 00:10:13,371 --> 00:10:15,780 to make it look like stones. 211 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,450 I used an X-Acto knife. 212 00:10:20,195 --> 00:10:22,528 Bart. What's wrong? 213 00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:24,105 I didn't mean to do that. 214 00:10:24,199 --> 00:10:26,107 Great work, Milhouse. 215 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,126 I meant to do this. 216 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:33,039 -Bart. -I lost my fingerprints gluing that. 217 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,541 We had to go to urgent care. 218 00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,094 I saw a drug addict! 219 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,430 (Bart whimpers) 220 00:10:42,826 --> 00:10:45,477 Now I've got an octopus-proof tank 221 00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:48,872 with safety latch, escape alarm, and... (gasps) 222 00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,224 Where did-- where did you go? 223 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,635 ♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪ 224 00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:58,823 ♪ You say the word and I'll go anywhere blindly ♪ 225 00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:01,142 ♪ I'm a sucker for you, yeah ♪ 226 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,996 ♪ Any road you take, you know that you'll find me ♪ 227 00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:08,725 ♪ I'm a sucker for all the subliminal things ♪ 228 00:11:08,743 --> 00:11:11,060 ♪ No one knows about you ♪ 229 00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:12,170 ♪ About you, about you ♪ 230 00:11:12,321 --> 00:11:15,298 ♪ I'm a sucker for you. ♪ 231 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:23,515 First of all, I am enjoying Bart's energy. 232 00:11:23,742 --> 00:11:26,409 Uh, uh, you don't have to say nice stuff about Bart. 233 00:11:26,428 --> 00:11:28,836 -We know the drill. -Okay, good. 234 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,522 Just tell us what's wrong with him. 235 00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:33,191 To be honest, I'm not sure. 236 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:35,601 I have tried every intervention I know. 237 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,530 Letting him be the teacher, scaring him straight, 238 00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:42,200 dunce caps, genius pants, negging, Breakfast Clubbing, 239 00:11:42,427 --> 00:11:45,519 no recess, nothing but recess, puppy stickers. 240 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,281 Oh. Bart's always had his problems, 241 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,950 but now it sounds like they're turning into... 242 00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:53,044 (cries) ...issues. 243 00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:56,606 Don't worry, I am going to get to the bottom 244 00:11:56,624 --> 00:11:58,532 of why he's acting out. 245 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,444 Could each of you fill out this child development questionnaire? 246 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:04,113 You need to know how long I was in labor? 247 00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:06,874 Oh, does that question bother you? 248 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,877 No. No, not at all. I love it. 249 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:13,806 Hey, Buddy, I think I know why you've been 250 00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,959 such an unlikeable jerk lately. 251 00:12:16,019 --> 00:12:18,403 Someone has a little crush on their teacher. 252 00:12:18,554 --> 00:12:21,722 Someone has a big crush on being wrong. 253 00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:24,133 Come on, boy, open up to me. I get it. 254 00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:26,469 I was in love with my school nurse. 255 00:12:26,562 --> 00:12:29,472 I would hurt myself on purpose just to see her. 256 00:12:29,565 --> 00:12:32,751 I'd fall off the monkey bars, bash my head into a wall, 257 00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:37,830 and sometimes I'd even fall off the monkey bars. 258 00:12:37,983 --> 00:12:40,258 Actually, there is something I'm dealing with right now. 259 00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:42,743 -My dad's an idiot. -Listen, you little... 260 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:46,413 I had brilliant advice for how to handle a crush. 261 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:49,492 But now, I'm keeping it to myself. 262 00:12:49,585 --> 00:12:51,010 I've met her before. 263 00:12:51,162 --> 00:12:53,012 So? I've met people. 264 00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:56,332 Lisa, Maggie. Uh... you! 265 00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:59,110 No, I've met the teacher before. 266 00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:01,170 I'm opening up to you. 267 00:13:01,189 --> 00:13:04,282 Oh, okay. Well, go on, son. 268 00:13:04,509 --> 00:13:06,175 When Lisa was doing her fish movie, 269 00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:08,119 Mom and I would wait on the beach. 270 00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:11,539 Some rich kid left a sand pail from the fancy hotel. 271 00:13:13,535 --> 00:13:18,279 That bucket was my ticket to the guests-only pool area. 272 00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,614 At first, it was pretty sweet. 273 00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:24,210 Then I tried a fancy dive off the Tarzan swing. 274 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,529 A belly flop will knock the wind out of you. 275 00:13:26,548 --> 00:13:28,956 Especially a belly full of hot fudge. 276 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:31,534 -(gasping) -I panicked, and suddenly, 277 00:13:31,627 --> 00:13:34,720 I couldn't tread water, no matter how hard I flailed. 278 00:13:34,873 --> 00:13:36,981 And no one was noticing. 279 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,360 But then... 280 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,995 (panting) Oh, God. 281 00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,081 Are-are you okay? 282 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,728 WOMAN: What happened? 283 00:13:58,821 --> 00:13:59,987 (whispering): He can't swim. 284 00:14:00,081 --> 00:14:01,214 That poor boy. 285 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:04,825 Why did you do that? I was fine. 286 00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,419 I'm an amazing swimmer. 287 00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:09,681 I-I'm, I'm sorry, I-I thought that... 288 00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,349 I feel awful. 289 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,910 She ruined her dress and I yelled at her. 290 00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:16,855 And my hand went in her mouth for a second. 291 00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:19,265 She doesn't recognize me, yet. 292 00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:22,527 But when she does, she's gonna hate me. 293 00:14:22,678 --> 00:14:25,179 Every day I tell myself to be invisible. 294 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,699 Next thing I know, I'm standing on my desk, 295 00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:30,276 pretending to poop out the class hamster. 296 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:31,518 HOMER: Hmm. 297 00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:35,248 What if you told her the... whatchamacallit? 298 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,450 -The truth? -Yeah, that thing. 299 00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:40,103 You're right. If it were out in the open, 300 00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:42,271 she'd have nothing on me. 301 00:14:42,365 --> 00:14:44,716 Wow, you actually helped. 302 00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,275 I did. You know what? 303 00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:48,945 I think I'm finally ready to be a dad. 304 00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:51,097 I'm gonna tell my wife! 305 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,283 (growls) 306 00:14:54,302 --> 00:14:55,542 (Lisa shouts) 307 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,471 That's it. Ugh, you are not safe in this house. 308 00:14:58,623 --> 00:15:01,524 Whew, you're coming to school with me. 309 00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:05,144 (growls, yelps) 310 00:15:05,296 --> 00:15:06,979 Oh, this is great. 311 00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:08,981 I'll come clean, no more weirdness. 312 00:15:09,058 --> 00:15:11,317 (exhales) I feel better already. 313 00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:12,818 Hello. 314 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,370 -(Peyton chuckles) -(gasps) 315 00:15:15,823 --> 00:15:17,398 Hmm, isn't that interesting? 316 00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:19,250 She's married. 317 00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:22,979 (screams) 318 00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,072 (grunts) 319 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:31,095 Okay, I might be a teensy bit in love with her. 320 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:40,229 ♪ ♪ 321 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,615 Dad, you were right. 322 00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:51,932 I do have a crush on her. 323 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,434 I saw Ms. Peyton kiss her husband 324 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,345 and I Hulked out on the water fountain. 325 00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:58,864 Yeah, jealousy will make you do crazy things. 326 00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:03,110 Once, a guy opened the door for Marge, so I keyed his car. 327 00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:04,462 Which was the school bus. 328 00:16:04,613 --> 00:16:06,689 Turned out he opened the door for everybody. 329 00:16:06,691 --> 00:16:08,115 Except for me, after that. 330 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,376 Well, jealousy is gonna make me ruin this assembly. 331 00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:12,453 -I can't stop myself. -Ooh. 332 00:16:12,547 --> 00:16:15,381 You said you had great advice on crushes. What is it? 333 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,883 Here's what you need to know. 334 00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:19,960 You're a kid, she's a grown-up. Get over it. 335 00:16:20,054 --> 00:16:22,538 That's your amazing advice? 336 00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,299 That's not advice, that's just... (scoffs) 337 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,651 ...the truth. 338 00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:29,636 Look, sometimes there are awesome things in this world 339 00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:32,715 that aren't meant to be your awesome thing. 340 00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:34,066 You got to let it go. 341 00:16:34,219 --> 00:16:36,902 Trust me, there's other fish in the sea. 342 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:39,813 He's right. And you should also be in the sea. 343 00:16:39,891 --> 00:16:42,125 Hunting and killing those fish. 344 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,062 After school... (sniffles) 345 00:16:46,231 --> 00:16:49,323 ...I'll take you back to your home. 346 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,902 Dad, what if I snap and totally mess up the assembly? 347 00:16:53,071 --> 00:16:54,679 Vent on inanimate objects. 348 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,663 Punch a pillow, tear up Kleenex. 349 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,909 I like to scream into Pringles canisters. 350 00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:01,744 You can do this. 351 00:17:01,837 --> 00:17:04,439 Boom. Parenting is easy. 352 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,768 -Mwah. -Oh. 353 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,511 (groans, pants) 354 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,089 Okay, Homer said to punch something soft. 355 00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:15,015 There's nothing soft here. 356 00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:18,536 We are so excited to share our school-wide project: 357 00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:22,265 the New Seven Wonders Of the World. 358 00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:23,524 (cheering, applause) 359 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:26,878 I want to thank my wonderful husband Darryl, 360 00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:29,622 who insisted on providing the music. 361 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,716 ♪ ♪ 362 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:38,781 Yeah, I get to hear that all the time. (forced chuckle) 363 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:41,059 Oh, man, he's in a band? 364 00:17:41,286 --> 00:17:44,044 Oh, I can't compete with that. 365 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,355 I need something to scream in. 366 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,551 (yells) 367 00:17:50,645 --> 00:17:53,071 (muffled screaming) 368 00:17:57,594 --> 00:17:59,652 (people screaming) 369 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,971 Simpson! 370 00:18:02,064 --> 00:18:03,581 (yelping) 371 00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:06,709 (screaming, shouting) 372 00:18:10,406 --> 00:18:13,424 CHALMERS: Good lord. The Redeemer's on a rampage! 373 00:18:14,685 --> 00:18:17,320 (grunting) Styrofoam specks. 374 00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:19,505 Brushing just attracts more of them. 375 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,340 (muffled shouts) 376 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,601 Oh... Molly! 377 00:18:23,828 --> 00:18:25,678 (grunting) 378 00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:27,847 (yells) My lids. 379 00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,014 (shouts) 380 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,733 (exhales, grunts) 381 00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:34,019 (gasps) 382 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,504 (sniffling) 383 00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:37,949 Ms. Peyton, please don't give up on this school 384 00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,451 because of one apex disrupter. 385 00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:42,637 Look, you can, you can switch classes. 386 00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:44,271 Ms. Hoover will teach Bart. 387 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,124 No way. I had him two years ago. 388 00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:48,626 My hair fell out in clumps. 389 00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:50,369 -I'm not taking him. -No way. 390 00:18:50,446 --> 00:18:52,463 I'd rather go back to prison. 391 00:18:52,615 --> 00:18:54,465 (Bart whimpers softly) 392 00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:01,121 Ms. Peyton? 393 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,624 I'm sorry I ruined everything. 394 00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,143 You probably won't believe this, 395 00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:09,796 but I had an octopus stuck to my face. 396 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,466 -I believe you. -You do? 397 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,044 Yes, because I know, 398 00:19:15,137 --> 00:19:19,048 deep down, you want to be good. 399 00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:21,400 Also, your face is covered in tentacle hickeys. 400 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:25,145 There's something I need to tell you. 401 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:29,333 Really? You didn't get your fill of destruction today? 402 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:32,745 (gasps) You're angry drowning boy. 403 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,489 Oh, I-I'm so sorry. That's what I call you in my head. 404 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,917 I hope I didn't embarrass you that day. 405 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,660 I thought you needed help. 406 00:19:39,754 --> 00:19:41,995 I did, actually. 407 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,331 I had two sundaes and some curly fries. 408 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,258 It made me forget how to swim. 409 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,002 Anyway, thank you for seeing me. 410 00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:50,262 You're welcome. 411 00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:52,506 That's why I've been weird around you. 412 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,859 Also... (moans) 413 00:19:55,086 --> 00:19:56,602 I kind of like you. 414 00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:58,754 I did homework, and I didn't mind it. 415 00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,514 (sighs) Barf emoji. 416 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,943 You know, a crush on a teacher just means 417 00:20:04,095 --> 00:20:06,429 you're coming to love a new part of yourself 418 00:20:06,447 --> 00:20:08,431 that I'm bringing out in you. 419 00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:13,452 So I actually have a crush on myself? 420 00:20:13,604 --> 00:20:17,381 And now that you told me, that'll be less weird, too. 421 00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:21,201 So, do you need help packing up? 422 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,720 -I'm staying. -(gasps) 423 00:20:22,871 --> 00:20:25,464 A teacher teaches the good kids and the nightmares. 424 00:20:25,616 --> 00:20:29,710 Not that you're a nightmare, but I-I-- Y-You know. 425 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,211 I know. My last teacher 426 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,730 had a little trick that seemed to work. 427 00:20:32,957 --> 00:20:34,640 Oh, really? 428 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,192 Oops. 429 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:40,980 Captioning sponsored by 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION 430 00:20:41,132 --> 00:20:42,889 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 431 00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:44,633 And FORD. We go further, so you can. 432 00:20:44,727 --> 00:20:46,327 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 433 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,001 ♪ ♪ 434 00:21:13,014 --> 00:21:14,680 (grunts) 435 00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:16,015 Hmph. 436 00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:18,925 What? I'm part of nature, too. 437 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,194 (Database groans) 438 00:21:31,516 --> 00:21:32,373 Shh!